Disney Dykes

//So this post is completely OOC, and honestly a bit of a bummer. So, no shame in skipping it if you like! It also involves my struggle with weight and some discussion of eating disorders, so if those are triggers, please don’t read any further.

When I was younger, I was not confident in myself. I wore lots of long skirts to hide my figure and typically generic t-shirts or dull colors. When I was a junior in high school, two girls on my bus decided that they’d have a bit of fun at my expense. They wrote that I should, “Take a bath and lose (a lot) of weight” in sharpie on the back of the seat I usually faced. They wanted to be sure I would see it. I can’t begin to tell you how that effected me. I didn’t want to eat that night, but my mom happened to be home from work early and got the whole story out of me. She made me eat. I tried to make myself throw up, as I did a lot in those days, but luckily my gag reflex is weird, so that never worked for me. I didn’t ride the bus for the rest of my high school career after that. I got to school 2 hours early so my dad could drive me. 

I’m not sharing this story to be depressing or to garner sympathy. Everyone was probably teased in high school and I am sure there are far worse stories of abuse. In fact, I got a lot more confident from then on. I wear clothes I like regardless of societal standards for plus sized women. Color makes a regular appearance in my wardrobe. I am eating better than I ever have, and am training for my first ever 5K (which I hope to complete with Run Disney). I am focusing on healthy ways to lose weight and feel better. 

I just share this story because I had almost forgotten about it. Those memories were so far in the depths of my mind that I hadn’t thought about them in years. But, being forced in a tester seat on Pandora’s opening day, and being told I couldn’t fit in front of a 3 hour long line of people made me remember.  It drudged up the hurt, the tears, and all of the hateful words that had been said about my weight. And, in the happiest place on earth, that’s a shame.