so apparently people talk to their pets in baby voices, but when i see my cat i’m just like ‘hey brad’ and he’s like ‘meow’ and the conversation is over.

I don’t know why but for some reason the fact that your cat’s name is brad is hilarious to me

I love you(r dog)

Reblog if you, too, are not dead- only tired and ugly.

same

is germany okay

oh scheiße

nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing

I’m sorry, have you tried pizza…?

yes and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friends eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a nursing home and like….I’m not old so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a river and like….I’m not a fish so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past a car dealership and like….I’m not an automobile so….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I was walking over the sewer the whole time and like….I’m not a piece of shit….yea

It was so awkward when I was walking home because I walked past an atheist and like…I’m a church so… yea

wait what

i romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast our song. a 30 second ad plays first

This is the saddest post on tumblr

shes naked

please be clingy with me i need it

Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends you’re whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is. Not someone who shares every single thing in common with you, but someone who feels like home.