From Natalie Weeâs âLonelyâ, in Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ

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#extradirty
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cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
Show & Tell
we're not kids anymore.
YOU ARE THE REASON
$LAYYYTER
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Mike Driver
Not today Justin

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@discardedheartlocket
From Natalie Weeâs âLonelyâ, in Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines

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Sometimes I have to actively stop myself from messaging her back. It hurts. I have to stop myself from messaging them ALL back. But I am a wonderful person who loves their partner and I would never do that.
But oh god I think it. I dream it both awake and asleep. I am haunted and tortured to think of it. Oh god.
I just want to say, âplease find meâ and I want to act as oblivious as possible so that they do that to me again!
They all trapped me here. They trapped me here. It never ends. And I am an insane person, clearly. Please.. please.. She was the only one that understood. She knows every secret. It hurts. I feel awful. I know everything was bad, but I miss being her little one. I know she hurt people, but I was still her special one. I know she lied to me, but she still came, right?
Why did she brush her hands off? Why did she wipe her hands clean? Why did you do that? I miss you. I know she hurt so many but I miss her. Please.. I can not stop thinking about you. Please. Oh god. Are you out there?
Do you miss meâŚ? I canât escape. I canât leave this place. Miss me⌠Please, or it makes no sense for me to miss you back.
I have not written here in a long time..
But let me see.
Life has been better, these days. I made you, this little thing, a long time agoâback when I was still with⌠her.
You little thing.. This space just for me.
Now⌠I have a new partner, who loves me dearly. I do not know what lies for us in the future, but⌠it will be better than before.
But, my little space, I have come to sit with you for a reason tonight.
Therapy⌠Life has been too busy for it, so I have now only my writing⌠My ability to write.
I can not be poetic right now. I just feel guilt.
Despite the good that has entered my life, oh.. I still feel a craving. Like my skin is glue and every press leaves an indent that takes too long to go away.
To be honest?
I miss her churning. I miss the pain. She hated me, you know? She.. hated me. She made me feel like I was the worst person ever to live. Like.. everything was my fault. So.. no wonder she kicked me down every time. And used me. Because all I could ever be good for after that⌠was to please her.
Our souls.. our souls intertwined in such a sick way. I miss when we touched like that. Even if it was so⌠evil.
I feel drunk with imagination. I am constantly dreaming. Minutes turn to hours. All my thoughts⌠I whisper her name, like a secret password. I lose everything.
And she has probably forgotten about me. Haha.

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standing reindeer carcass
How to... live life as if you do not want to die? As if you do not want everyone else to die, too? Our partner.. so sweet and suffered. I can't have them worried about us like this.
But.. haha. Do I want to die.
Life has been so incredibly difficult. Still, I am alive.
Unfortunately, as I live, I've wondered if I should start writing a will. "Just in case"
I do not have much to my name, but I have little things. It's like a plague. I can feel it consuming me. The black, thick ooze. I can not do anything tomorrow.. I have some obligations. I will attend them. I'm just trying not to die!
vent from yesterday i just finished
I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

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Hands studyđЏ
october is her favourite month bc she can be herself!
thank you for teaching me how to kill (id in alt)
barbed wire thoughts

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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