Unfortunate Demise.

But oh god I think it. I dream it both awake and asleep. I am haunted and tortured to think of it. Oh god.

But let me see.

Life has been better, these days. I made you, this little thing, a long time ago—back when I was still with… her.

You little thing.. This space just for me.

Now… I have a new partner, who loves me dearly. I do not know what lies for us in the future, but… it will be better than before.

But, my little space, I have come to sit with you for a reason tonight.

Therapy… Life has been too busy for it, so I have now only my writing… My ability to write.

I can not be poetic right now. I just feel guilt.

Despite the good that has entered my life, oh.. I still feel a craving. Like my skin is glue and every press leaves an indent that takes too long to go away.

To be honest?

I miss her churning. I miss the pain. She hated me, you know? She.. hated me. She made me feel like I was the worst person ever to live. Like.. everything was my fault. So.. no wonder she kicked me down every time. And used me. Because all I could ever be good for after that… was to please her.

Our souls.. our souls intertwined in such a sick way. I miss when we touched like that. Even if it was so… evil.

I feel drunk with imagination. I am constantly dreaming. Minutes turn to hours. All my thoughts… I whisper her name, like a secret password. I lose everything.

Unfortunately, as I live, I've wondered if I should start writing a will. "Just in case"