Baby

lilagve

i got clean from “hard” drugs and ever since i’ve been so easily irritated, depressed, angry, complainy, impatient, judgemental. i used to be so care free and see the good in everything and everyone and now i can barely pick out the good side to anything. i miss who i used to be but i dont miss the lifestyle. i have no desire to get back to doing drugs but i also don’t really know what to do to try to get my old self back. i thought this was supposed to make things better. not make everything worse. then i just beat myself even more for not being thankful or grateful enough for what i do have and i feel like a burden to my boyfriend for being so down all the time when all he does is try to lift me up. i’ve been on the other side of that before and i know how it feels and he doesnt deserve that. so then i tell myself i dont derserve him and its just a massive full circle of me just being hateful. i feel like i’m always waiting for something. i feel like i’m letting my summer waste away because i dont know how to enjoy it without partying. i dont know what to do

not at all tbh