Learning to speak up my thoughts even when my hands and legs tremble . Learning to think bold again . Learning to act on without thinking what others are going to say or think . Learning to become stronger and not to depend on anyone . Learning to be independent . Learning everything which can increase my knowledge .

Don't fucking show me the reality of relationship in novel . Where they don't find their partner always attractive and "accidentally" have relationship with someone else . I am reading romance novel so I can feel love . I don't want these " reality of relationship " or " it's okay even if he cheated they go through ups and downs and their love grew stronger for each other " . Don't teach us to lower our standards .

Urge to tie a beautiful ponytail, sit at my desk, head down and work on my goals. No need to share what I do, my next step, doesn't matter if I am popular enough or my existence is nil to them. I want to focus on my mental, physical & spiritual health. My own thoughts. My own feedbacks for me. I choose my feminine energy dark or light accordingly. My time .My choices. No more distraction. Then one day when I looked up, I realized I became the existence whom everyone wants to be friend or connect with.

When margaret atwood said , " the desire to be loved is the last illusion . Given it up and you will be free ."