godzilla hog squeezer

actually annoyed by long distance friends again. i want to go for a walk i want to get drinks i want to sit in the grass and write i want to go to the fucking store together

Can i see that slimey pussy or am i not allowed cuz im gay muthafuckahh

I really love when cats use their front legs to hold something in place while they use their back legs to kick the absolute shit out of it

that’s kamala harris

bob odenkirk and gordon ramsey

once again i love how star wars takes place in a massive galaxy with thousands of planets and billions of people, and yet every bounty hunter knows each other personally

It's called networking babe

when Boba Fett adds you on LinkedIn you know you've made it

when a cartoon character has a little nutsack or dick visible at all times it might raise some eyebrows but is ultimately seen as funny & acceptable. on the other hand you couldn't make Crazy Frog with a cunt. one of society's great inequalities

the secret truth is that men and women are literally exactly the same

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

No one tells you that one day you will get older and look around and notice that 95% of ppl who own a dog should not own a dog

shlock brain hurt

not his name.

shamrock going proper mental innit

not even his name.