Can I punch harder? (Let me try)
TW: Jumpscares, unstable relationships, paranoia mental illness, reference to drug abuse, parental death (reference)
this posted earlier as a draft so everyone ignore that and re read it pls 🥺
It's been a long day. A long day that's left her arms exhausted and her mind running.
She'd be mad if she wasn't slightly worried about how thick the callus on her fingers have gotten, She rubs at her sore shoulder, which definitely doesn't appreciate the wait of her bag hanging on it. Her aching feet lead her to the door, while her mind replays today's show. Her skin is thick enough to realize -and not so proudly- say that the gig did not go well.
It actually went horrible. Dina had an amp blow out mid song, and now they have to scrap up money for another, and Jessie broke 2 out his 4 drum sticks the next playlist. But at least she made enough money to pay her statement balance for the month. That's not saying much, but its saying something.
The door unlocks with a gust of warm air, soothing her frozen skin from the cold outside, quickly, she shuts the door, "Jesus it’s cold" She mutters to herself while quickly slipping her shoes off. Shes rubbing the sole of her foot when, she hears the carpet pattering. She’s positive of who it is. “Hey boy!!" She chuckles, scratching his low fur, laughing when he rolls over to show his stomach.
"Awh, I missed you too," she adds when he ends up licking her cheeks, she presses kisses to his head before giving him one last rub and lifting off the floor with a quiet groan.
She ignores his quiet whines while making her way around the house. "im coming, I'm coming."
She hangs her keys up on the rack before heading to the kitchen to place whatever protein filled food Abby’s forced her to pick up in the fridge, grabbing a couple grapes for herself before going to her room. She takes the bag off her back with a quiet groan, placing it gently on the ground, she tries to be as gentle as she can with it. It's one of the first guitars she got after telling her dad about her new infatuation with music. She was maybe 13 or 15 when she got it.
Its dingy now, there's no real way to hide the age of it. The bottom is covered in old stickers and doodles, some better than others. He had been proud, "Like father like daughter," he said with a chuckle and a smile on his face.
Would he be proud of her now?
Of the shows, the house, the relationship? The thought is fleeting, but it still sends an ache to her chest as she stares at the guitar upon the stand. Joel's name sits carved into the side with an old knife, next to a small moth. She remembers making it with him right by her side, showing her which way to hold the knife, not too go to deep.
A lump hides away in her throat and her vision blurs. She tries to ignore it.
There are more important things she could be doing instead of ruminating on things that happened years ago.
The rest of her day is spent the exact same as every other day, She’s grateful for it.
Especially when so much has been changing, from Abby going back to school, to the gigs, and her..'visions'. But everyone's exaggerating, it was a one time thing. She tried some new weed, new dealer, and things happen.
His stuff was bad. She greened out, she didn't go back to the dealer and she went back on the normal stuff.
There's no need for new pills she cant even afford, or appointments that make her feel more shitty then before. She hooks her phone up to the speaker and starts up her playlist, simultaneously pulling the broom out from the closet to get started on chores.
The therapist was right on some things, she can admit that.
A clean space is a clean mind, cleaning isn't too much of a hassle anyways.
Not when the only carpet in the house is in the bedroom upstairs and the living room, more so because it's just her and Abby making a mess. Aside from the occasional party, and even then its just her, Jessie, Dina, Mel, and Abby, a little get together.
A lot of things are over complicated, but this? its just routine. Mirror, sink, toilet, sweep, starting top to bottom, it doesn't take too long. After that she moves onto the kitchen: dishes, countertop, fridge, sweep, and takeout the trash.
She places the broom back in the closet before opening the trashcan and tying up the bag. The leaves crunch underneath her feet as she makes her way to the side of the house.
Fall has to be her favorite season, she didn't like it much as a child, but its grown on her. Maybe its the colors of the trees changing, slowly showing the end of spring, or maybe its how cool it gets up north, she’s always run a little hot. She quickly makes her way back inside after throwing out the trash, washing her hands and moving on to cleaning out the pantry, making the couch look nice and neat, the little things that she knows wouldn't get done if they were left up to Abby and her late class schedule.
She opens the drawer next to the sink filled with junk, sifting through it for a measuring cup, she walks back to the pantry, squatting to fight open the new bag of dog food, she loses.
Scissors are easier anyways. Though it still adds onto her already high amount of irritation. After the matter, she heads to the bedroom, grabbing her towel and tugging open drawers with too much force to grab a set of clothes to lounge in after her shower.
The water runs over her body, soothing her aching joints. It's not as hot as she'd like but her skin is pink enough for her not to push it. The water always forces her body to wine down, that mixed with the half finished blunt leaves her body deliciously loose.
See this is her favorite part of her routine, lazing away on the couch and watching whatever dumb movie gets recommended on Tubi. Except theirs no remote. She huffs, forcing her body to get up and move to search for it, inside the console, under the couch, she just cleaned?
She takes a long puff before willing her body to turn around, lift up and walk to the opposite couch. She could cry from appreciation because there she finds her holy grail.
She sinks back into the couch and clicks on the tv, scrolling through shows and movies she couldn't care less about. She finds herself watching some random animal documentary, something about sealife and evolution.
Her attention is more on doodling in her journal, drawings of her lover, animals, and plants she sees from outside the windows litter the pages. She moves to pull up the blanket, yet something catches her eye.
Half of her is sure that her face is white pale, and the other half of her is sure that she shouldn't be realizing that.
Because if this thing is here for long enough for her to take in what she feels then she's not too sure of what it actually is.
“Lucky, come here.” She keeps her eyes on the..thing whilst the dog makes its way over, “Go say hi.”
Lucky tilts his head, confused. “Over there boy.” she nods her head over to it, the dog looks around, still not making a move.
"Ellie?" she calls out, to no reply.
She closes the door softly before sliding her shoes off, the house is quiet, not silent, but quiet, its an uncommon occurrence.
Usually there's a lazy melody bouncing off the wall or muffled speaking through the walls. Abby's grateful for it today though. Shes been starving off a migraine all day, taking the day off from working out, skipping studying, the silence feels like a helpful hand right now.
But shes concerned about that, there should be something, anything more then this. Maybe she's asleep? The thought gets a bit of conformation when she walks out of the mudroom and the smell of weed hits her. Both of them are lazy highs, It makes enough sense.
She walks into the room to Ellie the opposite of lax, shes a bit more than tense, actually.
Ellie jolts a bit, before settling back into the sofa and clearing her throat, “Hey. How was class?” she says, eyes shakily meeting hers.
It feels like she's staring through her, either lost in her mind or quickly picking apart what's in hers, the thought of either is making her a bit uncomfortable right now. “Good. It was fine.” She replies, taking a seat next to her.
She takes the moment to look her over. Taking notice of her stiff position, tapping feet, she softly grabs her balled up fist, and cant say she didn't expect it to be at least a bit sweaty. “Are you feeling okay?”
Ellie's mouth gapes for a moment, open then closed before replying, “Yeah.” She paste a tight smile on her face, its kinda unsettling. The way shes using her cheeks instead of her mouth to hold it up, "I'm good."
Abby rubs the back of her hand until it relaxes, “Are you sure? You seem tense.” Behind her head is where Ellie's attention is locked on, nothings there any longer.
but the potential, what could be. What was.
Abby sighs before following her gaze, and mutters, "Els you're freaking me out."
Ellie pulls her eyes away from the space meets Abby's gaze with that same small, tight smile on her face, “its nothing”
“Pinky promise?” Abby says, finally relaxing Ellie chuckles before replying, “I super pinky promise.”
Abby pushes off the couch, "Okay. Good. I'm gonna get in the shower."
She's a bit nervous on the way to the bedroom.
Ellie's bent over her guitar, multitasking balancing her computer on her amp, looking at the page of tabs in front of her and plucking the strings until the melody starts coming together.
Abby walks into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around herself and steam following her in a trail. The rhythm starts picking up while she's dresses. She hums along to where the lyrics should be.
She recognizes it a bit, the phrasing sounds similar to something she must've heard on the radio a couple weeks ago.
“This one might be my new favorite.” she says, changing into her lounge wear.
Today that's a pair of soft sweatpants with one of Ellie's old oversized band tees.
Ellie chuckles, “You say that about everything you hear me play.”
“That is not true,” She crouches down onto the floor, taking her regular seat leaning against the side of the amp, “I’m an amazing critic.”
Ellie pauses her playing to look over and chuckle, “You didn't even like it when it was playing on the radio! You're an extremely biased critic.”
“That doesn't count, I was in a bad mood.” Abby scoots over, laying her head on Ellie's shoulder as her hands work again, plucking at the strings, “Yeah I know you were in a bad mood.”
“Seriously though it sounds really pretty when you play,” She whispers into the warm air of the room around them “You’re really talented, El.”
Ellie takes a moment to look over at her lover, at her wispy blonde hair and pretty blue eyes, at the crooked bridge of her nose.
And the curve of her muscle that her cut up band shirt does so little to hide, freckles dotting it all, she really does look angel kissed.
“You have a staring problem.” Abby blushes a bit, the maroon falling across her skin until it covers her body from her neck to her cheeks .
It reminds Ellie of summer, a bit, “You have a being pretty problem.”
Abby chuckles from low in her chest, leaning in closer until they’re sharing the same air, she cant help but tuck herself into Ellie's neck and chuckle.
Ellie's attention still makes her nervous, more than when Abby was just the star struck fan at a house party and Ellie was this larger than life rock-star.
Abby dots a quick kiss to her lips before lifting off the ground, “You’re so cheesy.”
Its dark out when she finally enters the bedroom, the curtains are pulled down while She lays tucked into the thick white comforter.
Somehow still looking just as gorgeous as always, with a book in one hand and a cat purring under the other. She looks up from her pages “Took you long enough.”
Ellie chuckles before crawling into bed, gently nudging the cat from underneath her hand.
Scott pouts before hopping off the bed and upon his cat tower.
“Ellie, don't shove my baby away from me.”
She groans before tucking herself underneath her thick arm, breathing her in.
The smell of pine and fresh apples fills her nose, relaxing her muscles like a steam shower.
“Okay well your baby should know I'm your favorite.”
Abby chuckles, “who told you that?”
She shrugs before replying, “I'm certainly better than your sassy cat.”
"You're certainly not,” she says, leaning her head to press a kiss to the top of her head.
“You took your pills?” Ellie mutters out a small hum as a reply, before settling under the sheets. Abby takes the confirmation and taps her fingers on the blanket before sighing and putting a bookmark in the page.
“Y’know..earlier Els,” Ellie groans, lifting up from Abby’s chest and backing away to the colder side of bed.
“I don't wanna talk about earlier, don't talk to me about earlier.” Abby straightens herself out, matching Ellie's gaze softly, “It's like- can I even get it out?”
Ellie sighs, rolling her eyes, pressing her lips together “okay what? Go.”
Abby sighs, taking a moment to collect her thoughts "I'm not coming at you, I just wanna see if you want to talk about it? This is like the second time I come home to you freaking out, nearly having a panic attack just for you to say ‘oh it's nothing, oh I just had a long day’ when I see you freaking out.”
Abby holds her tongue, picking her next words carefully, lips pressed tight "That's not the point.”
“Then what's the point Abigail?!”
“The point is that you're not telling me something I really need to know or you're freaking me out on purpose. And one's way weirder than the other.”
Ellie presses her face into her palms and groans “Look, baby its late. We can talk about this in the morning.”
Abby shrugs, “fine.” Abby turns her back, tugging the sheets up to her chin.
“Do what? You dont wanna talk, I have classes in the morning. Good night.”
Abby's been staring at that clock since she woke up at 8.
The ache from earlier came back with a newfound bite, its worse than regular, the pains spread from the left side of her head to her entire temple and down her neck.
Shes tried ignoring it, going back to sleep, counting sheep, but the focus it required almost made it worse. Shes given up on sleep when the clock ticks to 12:40.
Groggily, she sits herself up, sucking in a shallow breath when the change in position causes the pain to almost explode.
She forces herself to the bathroom, opening up the cupboard to grab her medicine, she'd much rather be kept up all night without a nasty headache than force herself to work with whatever small, poor silver of sleep shed get tomorrow.
Its been like this since she went through her first puberty as a teen and her father sat her down to explain what a migraine was, how to get rid of it, that he suspected that she’d be the one to get it since her mother had them as well.
She ends up in a dim bathroom, soaked underneath warm water with a cool cloth over her eyes, and the smell of orange soothing her aching head and nausea. She stays in the tub long after her headache dissipates.
She hasn't been able to relax like this since the semester started and she refuses to rush it.
She stays in the bath until the water runs chilly, keeping the lights dim as she smooths lotion over her body, and dresses herself lightly, boyshorts and the same shirt as before.
She reaches for her dependable orange bottle to take another just incase She places the bottle back quietly in the cupboard before grabbing another.
TAKE ONE PILL UPON WAKE-UP AND BEDTIME
This bottle is full. Completely full.
And it shouldn't be because she picked this up two months ago.
Maybe shes overthinking it? Ellie wants to get better, shes going to her sessions, shes cleaning-Maybe shes just been distracted.
She's been jumpy these past few weeks, though.
The pills are shoved back into the back of her mind, and so is the memory as she gets back in bed.
A sleepy voice speaks into the curve of her neck as she stirs eggs, “Morning.”
She says, just a bit too sharply, she knows ellie notices, she feels the frown in her skin. But,
“Have you been taking your pills Ellie?"
she huffs before replying, “yeah?”
Abby goes back to stirring her eggs, pulling away from the embrace she cant help but find clingy to pull out a small tupperware,
“Im just asking. I wanna make sure your treatment works within the timeline y'know?"
Ellie leans up against the countertop, pouting when Abby walks out the house without as much as a bye.
Guess shes still mad about last night…..
Should Abby
drop it.
Bring it up again?
Remaining time: 2 days 12 hours
This posted as a draft earlier and I'm so embarrassed it was so bad. Anyways this is my first fic, this kind of storyline has been on my mind for like 3 years with my own OCS. But ellabs was super cute so it was worth the flip.
But anyways thank you to @lumixxxziee for finding the picture because I was way to scared to, I didn't even have to look at it much haha But also thanks so much for reading this over and over for me ilysm <3 Thanks to another friend of mines without Tumblr for grammar checking this even if it was still on version one...idk why I did that but you did it anyways thanks girl ilyt <3
btw Abby was looking at the pills like this
tweaking out I would too its expensive asf
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