[Insert inspiring song lyrics here]

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

Most annoying online emotion is "I have a funny personal anacdote to add to this but it doxxes like all of my personal information"

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

Your just saying that because your a sick pervert who gets off to themes and ideas

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

Crazy that tech has gotten so bad that we're doing printer forgiveness now

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

The sheer roundness of this kitten must be admired.

supermarkets should have benches

everywhere should have benches

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

I work as a receptionist and there are two computers at the front desk and right now one of my coworkers is Googling “concept of the self” and the other is Google image searching Jersey Mike’s sandwiches

it's genuinely bullshit that you should be required to own a mobile phone for participation in literally any aspect of life

will never not be mad about gig economy apps making a 4 star rating mean “unacceptable quality”

big life tips dont be neurodivergent dont be poor dont get in any sort of situation and dont let yourself need or crave

not getting good reports back on your progress with this guys