TW: this blog contains venting/posts/photos involving disordered eating, body dysmorphia, bipolar, anxiety, personality disorders, addictions etc. if any one of these can trigger you, please leave my blog or block me, I care about you.

I am pro-recovery, but I am not recovered. I want everyone to stay safe and heal from whatever you are dealing with, we all deserve help and health. I don’t want any impressionable people finding this blog and getting encouraged, you don’t want this.

this is a judgment free zone, I’m also here to understand, vent, and be here for one another .

highly preferred only ages 18+ to follow me please

I’m Kat, and I’m a 22 year old girl in a big city in the USA. I have struggled with disordered eating habits for 8 years. I also struggle with bipolar and major anxiety. this is my anonymous public diary and befriending same-minded individuals. this is also a safe space to vent to me, casually talk to me, or for a listener. I post (shitty) food logs, and I am also (born and raised) a vegetarian and converting into a pescatarian for more iron and protein.

*newish account*

MY DMS ARE ALWAYS OPEN! :’)

I’m doing good on my new medication and haven’t gained weight from it, but mainly have been sleeping.

hi guys.

just an update that I’m doing “fine”, and I’m sorry I haven’t checked up on any of you :’)

my mania is getting really bad with my bipolar so I’ve literally been on a nonstop binge of drinking, and kinda ruining my life. this old guy I was in love with came back into my life, and also has been totally distracting my fucked up head.

I remember writing down to document my thoughts just to myself and how I was feeling “I’m too busy trying to starve myself than have men interfere with me.”

hope everyone is doing well—I’m trying to slow down on the alcohol. :( it’s not healthy not eating and combining the two, hence why I haven’t been blog posting out of shame

another skip food log day since my friends are watching me like a hawk

I wanna be home but my car is fucked up again lol

I feel like shit cause we also got too drunk.

side note, one of my close friends had a really bad disordered eating problem in the past, and a toxic/triggering “ana buddy” in high school. I don’t want to trigger her and show any signs I’m not in a recovery mindset, I care about her.

day late/lazy Jan 31’ food log:

1 “kind” granola bar

cup of coffee

sugar free Red Bull

after work with friends

small bowl of pasta with pesto

bite of a brownie

2 alcoholic high noons seltzer’s

15oz of apothic red wine

half a bottle of barefoot merlot

breakfast:

‘good foods made simple’ breakfast burrito - 263 calories

cup of Columbia coffee - 2 calories

lunch:

skipped

dinner:

4 x spinach and feta “spanakopitas” - 227 calories

sriracha - 0 calories

daily net: 492 calories

I’m home safe in regards to my last post

happy to be back at work, and it was high key triggering people noticing my weight loss and I actually felt so awkward with my body. it’s weird. not bad awkward, but I did feel different. they always saw me as a “thin/average” girl—so now they are wondering why/how I got skinnier

I skipped the “not eating after work rule” when I get home late (have you guys noticed I suck at following rules for myself...?) I’ll just eat light for dinners after work—I’m walking too much anyways

then what....?

breakfast: skipped

lunch:

habanero lime tortilla + 1/2 cup fat-free beans + sautéed red onions, red peppers, jalapeños + 2 tablespoons jalapeño creme salsa - burrito

320 calories

dinner:

2 pieces healthy-life low cal wheat bread + 1 slice low fat 2% American cheese - grilled cheese

1 oz low-fat kettle salt and pepper chips

255 calories

daily net: 575 calories

officially starting work back tomorrow after a 2 week break. I’m curious if anyone will notice my weight loss. food diaries might be a little different since I stay so late after work. on my off days I’ve been eating a period between 2P.M.-7P.M. but with work starting I may just eat a big breakfast, then a protein bar while working, to avoid eating SOOO late.