bloody Sweet

intro-

hi <3

I'm D' (dietbed)

20 y/0

she/her

4n4 r3laps3d

$h clean!

not a pro blog, just tired.

I will not sent!!

I've been using tumblr since I have memory, but never post anything (you can tell), so yes I'm not new here but I'm being active for the first time!. This account for me is like a little rant diary and daily tracker about 3d and sh, so pls block!! don't report.

you are more than welcome to leave me tips, m3ansp0, and ask me anything!

stats:

height: 5'3" // 161cm

hw: 114.6 lbs //52kg

cw: 103.6 //47kg

gw: 88 lbs //40kg

gw 2: 77 lbs //35kg

I hate this stupid body, it literally works against me in every single way

This is so unfair, I don’t want to eat until tomorrow but I’m scared that if I don’t eat I will pass out and won’t be able to exercise.

- coffee with lactose free milk and cinammon: ~50ckal

-small cacao vanilla and orange tea: ~2ckal

-green tea: ~2ckal

-chamomile tea: ~2ckal

Total: ~56ckal

-30’ slow pace walk in the morning: ~65ckal

-30’ fast pace walk in the afternoon: ~90ckal

-20 standard crunches + 30 heel touches + 40 dead bugs: ~10ckal

-75 steps with weights (arms raised) + 75 steps (weights at chest): ~10ckal

-150 total reps passing a 2.5 kg weight around my back: ~10ckal

Total burned: ~185ckal

If u consider I’m miscalculating the cals pls feel free to correct me!!

Tw: pls do not read the following if you are in recovery

I forgot one of the things I hated the most of fasting is tricking everyone into thinking I already ate, having to make food disappear, dirty dishes, etc… is very stressful and makes me feel guilty for my family.

I cannot tolerate living in this body anymore, I can barely tolerate living. Is hell looking in the mirror, is hell having to feel my skin and the horrible amount of fat it contains. I really don’t appreciate this body that has never done anything right or good for me. I will fucking crave it out I cannot bare feeling trapped in this thing.

To not end in BED, I had planned a workout day for tomorrow more intense than my normal movement during the week but nothing extreme or crazy so I don’t stress myself out and entertain the idea of having to eat more later.

Just a lot of walking and light Pilates exercises around all the day. If I achieve it, I already planned my foods for Sunday with light meals around the day and an estimate of: ~300ckal aprox.

If I cannot achieve the exercise I will fast until Monday, for. Being a fat lazy piggy. If that happens I prop end up sh since I cannot stand myself anymore.

- 2 coffees with cinnamon and lactose free milk: ~100kcal

- green tea: ~0ckal

- lemon juice with water: ~15ckal

- chamomile tea: ~0ckal

Total intake: 115ckal

- 30’ walk in the morning: ~90ckal

- 30’ walk in the afternoon: ~90ckal

Total Burned: ~180ckal

TW: do not read the following if you are in recovery, this is a rant of my personal experience the past months!!

I’m trying to push the water fast as long as possible, but I’m afraid I’ll end in b!ng!ng, I’m keeping myself focused and sharped on my gw, I’ve already reached it and the weight again is still less than my hw… tho is not enough and I need to persevere on this, keep it, maintain it. I won’t risk letting the scale going higher this past months where I gained weight I felt my worst with myself.

Food causes me literal depression.

No taste is worth the calories.

Sharing a meal with someone is not worth the calories and the time I need to spend later burning them.

I’m sick and tired of letting myself eat with other people just to make them feel relieved and then I spend all the afternoon crying for the food I ate.