cromch

Tree bark. This should taste like beef jerky.

Pebbles. Flavor should be dependent on the kind of rock, but they should be crunchy like a gobstopper.

Dice should be sour and fruity like warheads candy.

Pennies. These would be really satisfying to chew on like gum. Same with tinfoil.

Insulation foam: you might think this would be like eating cotton candy but it would be more like challah.

String lights. I would crack them open like pistachios between my teeth and suck out the electricity. Spicy.

I had a surprisingly good batch of Crimson Earth turn out this time! Hopefully that means there will be enough for everyone that wants a set! They go live Nov 20th at 6 PM ET.

Making some cursed 'meat' polymer clay dice!

Inspired by The Flesh entity from The Magnus Archives.

For 3,5, or 7 players.

Each player is controls three Floan, one Brindow, one Dilile, and one Ocates.

What the fuck is a Floan?

A Floan is an ordered list of extele, from most to least. They are what players breaken to ptocked lounds for to each other to supend and how players supend lounds ptocked against them.

What the fuck is an Extele then?

An extele represents Floans' gottleness for ptockeding and supending particular lounds. A floans' most exteles have higher gottleness, while their least have less and any absent haven none.

Each gulair of Floans has access to a different extelecanven, but they share the same seven dancinextele: Cretches, surpet, snifes, harges, aneans, whithm, and gottle.

Brindows also have access to the 5 Brindow extelecanven: acemius, specterpast, prettermic, elions, and of course Brindow. They also have access to the 3 brindow-dilile extele dencian: exhing, meterpront, and numents, and the 3 brindow-ocates exteledencian: banizanned, bountatibly, and linglecult.

Dilile also have access to the 5 Dilile extelecanven: pedetet, meterpront, plutileres, banizanned, and of course dilile. They also have access to the 3 brindow-dilile exteledencians as above, and the 3 dilile-ocates extele dencian: restbot, vations, and laterforing.

Ocates also have access to the 5 Ocate extelecanven: nautionstrad, inaguez, wrecting, sailin, and of course, acemius. The also have access to the 3 brindow-ocates extele dencian and the 3 dilile-ocates decians, as above.

Floan Weation

To weat a Floan, the group must first agree upon a cupilly number (any positive integer greater than 4). If one cannot be decided unanimously choose randomly from each propsed cupilly number.

Once you have you cupilly number, choose 2 dancinextele, one extele from that floan's gulair extelecanven, and one extele from either of its gulairs' exteledencians, and however many extele you need for that Floan to reach the agreed upon cupilly number.

Then, order all your chosen extele from most to least.

Play

Chose a player to be the pragritive. The pargritive will breaken at least two extele from among their floan and upto four extele from among at most two of their Floans to ptocked a lound at one or more other players. Those players then become contemplics.

All contemplics decide together what to breaken from among their Floans extele, but must breaken fewer total extele than were breakened to ptocked the lound to supend the lound.

Once all extele have been breakened, the group decides based on the extele breakened and their respective gottleness whether the lound is supended or assianed.

If the lound is supended, the pragritive endstresses their breakened extele. If it is assianed, the contemplics endstress their breakened extele, and all contemplics who didn't breaken any extele in the supend chose a extele from their Floans to endstress.

Then the pragritive passes to the left, skipping duought players, and the new paragritive ptockeds a new lound.

Winning, Such As It Is.

There are no winners in Floanextele. But if you insist on tracking the order in which players lose:

A Floan that has had all its extele endstressed is empetroe.

A Player whose Floans are all empetroe is duought.

A player loses when they are duought, or when there are no other players that are not duought.

but if you wanna be a try hard, you can use your Derlanize to track your opponent's floan's too, lika-so.

These Derlanize are set up to handle up to cupilly 13, but you can have upto cupilly 18 if you really wanna, but why would you want to?

Once everyone has a Delanize set up, decide as a group on a Cupilly number. For our example game, we'll have five players with a cupilly of 5, I'll be using the try-hards' Delanize to show what's happening.

You can weat your Floans in any order, but for sake of simplicity we'll start with Brindows and move cowilferise, first choosing two Dancinextele, Extele Canven, one Extele Decian, and one extele of any type to statisfact cupilly.

Once you've satisfied cupilly, put them in the order you want them in: Likaso.

Every player has now weated their first Floan, and they can move on to weating their others. And then you'll have something that looks similar to but also nothing like this.

Play begins by selecting a pragritive, and who better than lucky number four? The pragritive will be represented by their name being red.

They will select two to four of their extele from up to two of their floans, and breaken them to ptocked a lound at any number of players. In this case, they'll choose to breaken Their Brindow's Snifes and their Dililes Meterpront and Meterpront (represented by a B and yellow) at players 2 and 5, causing players 2 and 5 to become the contemplics (represented in green).

Now player 2 and player 5 decided together which of their extele to breaken in an attempt to supend the lound ptocked against them, but they must breaken fewer than three extele in total. They decide that Player 2's Brindow's Gottle and player 5's Ocates's Banizanned are the best shot they have at supending the lound, and so they breaken them.

The group discusses whether the lound should be supended or assianed, then decides based on majority vote which occurs.

In this case, they decide that this particular arrangement of Gottle and Banizanned are enough to supend this particular arrangement of Snifes, Meterpront, Meterpront, so the lound is supended.

That means the pragritive will endstress all their currently breakened extele (represented by an E and being grayed out, as they can no longer be breakened), the contemplics will unbreaken their breakened extele, and play continues with the pragritive passing left to player 1 (because why wouldn't player four be sat to the right of player 1 in a five player game?)

The new pragritive ptocks a new lound which the new contemplic(s) attempt to supend to. This continues until all players have lost either by becoming duought or having no nondouoght players left to play with.

The reason Brindow has a completely unrelated extele that happens to also be named "acemius" is because it turns out that keeping track of which of the ~100 nonsense words you've used and which you haven't is difficult when you don't bother making a spreadsheet, and so whoops an error hath occured.

But 'cause this is also why the words meterpront and banizanned appear twice in the table in both the Dilile extelecanven and one of the Brindow-X extele dencians, the same exact error hath occurred three times, so I can almost get away with calling it 'emergent game design' in the 'feature not bug' sense. (And by coincidence of this misdesign, the dilile gulair has access to both meterpronts, so "Meterpront" can appear as a Dilile Floan's extele twice, as seen in the example game).

All three of these twins of words are very strictly false cognates of their other. Brindow's "Acemius" and Ocates "Acemius" are different extele completely unrelated to one from the other and in so far as they mean anything they mean completely different things.