diary of a princess

confession: last year during my freshman year of college, i met this guy through my friends in their dorm before we all went out to a bar together. i was new to the friend group and it was my first time going out, so i was really nervous. when we got to the bar, some of my friends couldn’t get in, so others kept leaving to go be with them. eventually it ended up being me, him, and a few other people—but he was the only one who stayed with me the entire night. we talked, drank, danced, and walked around together the whole time. he kept finding small ways to stay close to me—holding my hand, my waist, even grabbing a piece of my hair so i wouldn’t get lost. he promised he’d stay near me all night and that if i wanted to leave, he’d be there with me. at the beginning of the night, he had even texted his best friend (who’s my friend’s roommate) saying he wanted to get to know me because i seemed like a really genuine and cool person. we clicked instantly, like scarily fast. we had so much in common—same interests, same major, both undecided, and we had both almost chosen the exact same other college. we even talked about how if we hadn’t ended up at the school we were at, we probably would’ve met at that other one instead. we both loved traveling, playing pickleball, going to a small hs, etc. it felt like we had known each other for years, not hours. before we left, he told me he didn’t want to give me the wrong impression because he had a girlfriend. but then he quickly added that he didn’t mean it in a weird way and then said he thought i was pretty, which honestly i just ignored that part. i told him i understood, but inside i felt really torn. after we left, i said i was hungry and he bought me pizza. we went back to our friends’ dorm and hung out for a bit, and then he offered to walk me to my dorm (his dorm was 10 mins away from mine it was across campus). that walk felt so easy, like we just understood each other without trying. we didn’t see each other much after that because we met right before winter break, but then second semester our friend group hung out more bc he changed his dorm and he dorm was closer to mine. but i noticed that he acted weird with me. he was more mean and when i called him out as a joke in the dining hall he was get a little embrassed and say no im not being mean. but spring semester is a whole other story that i will talk abt another day. HOWEVER, after spring semester ended, i noticed he removed and unfollowed me on everything. he transferred to our dream school so i never thought i would see him again. later that summer, i found out from his best friend that after that first night we met, he couldn’t stop thinking about me. he said i was exactly his type (just like he was for me) and that he kept thinking about our connection, how insanly attracted he was to me and how pretty he thought i was, and what could’ve been if he wasn’t with his girlfriend, but he also felt really guilty. he said it was different with me compared to other girls he was friends with, and that he couldn’t be alone with me or even really be my friend because of how he felt. that’s why he started acting weird and mean to me during the spring. his gf told him to remove me everywhere, but why are you getting mad at me when i didn't do anything? like get mad at ur man. anyway, ever since i was told that he also felt a connection i haven't gotten him out of my mind. hes still dating his gf, but i was told by his best friends gf that she cheats, uses, and treats him terribly (even in the talking stage). psa theres more to the story especially the last time we saw each other (he literally wiped my tears and listened to me while i cried and bought me taco bell).