Diary of this Mind

I love everything you post

You were lovely, we were lovely, we were everything

My phone rang and stupidly for a second I thought it might actually be you

so I let out my breath and figured it be my last. Sitting on my bed consumed by the thoughts I’d never dare say. I used to be able to hold myself in my loneliness and now it brings me to my knees in a viscous vendetta I cannot escape. I hope you know you were the only one who had a chance at saving me from myself.

I go to your house, hoping your touch will save me

He told me he did nothing wrong. Asked me why I was acting different now that I saw what he really wanted from me. His intentions full of bullshit I never asked for

I watched one of Brandon Calvillo’s videos on YouTube with Toddy Smith and at 8:19 they talk about how they subconsciously used to want drama to happen or something ‘exciting’ because everything in their lives was too good.

I met someone new. I pray to god he’s nothing like you

I am tormented by what if’s and maybe’s, wondering if it would’ve changed me

I wanted love but it did not want me!

I walk alone, as if somebody willed it so. Revelling in time, pretending it’s a sign. You go your way and I’ll go mine, acting as though we’re both fine.

Loving me is a privlege not a right

She told me “go home you’ll feel better”, but I shook my head whispering that “I watched my home walk out the door...that I didn’t know what home was anymore”

I’m sitting listening to the rain, wishing you were not just in my heart but here in my arms

I feel oddly alone. I wonder whether this feeling will last forever or if I will ever get accustomed to the loneliness that seeps through my bones