Lost in the dark, surrounded by the crazy

Season 1, Episode 9 - Wolf’s Bane

Season 1, Episode 8 - Lunatic

Season 1, Episode 7

Season 1, Episode 6 - Heart Monitor

Season 1, Episode 5 - The Tell

Season 1, Episode 4: Magic Bullet

Season 1, Episode 3: Pack Mentality

I may never reconcile my gender identity but I know this man, I am this man and if I could snap my fingers and alter my DNA I would have been born this man. Maybe one day.

This is from a week or so ago but it gives you a pretty decent idea of how messed up my arm is. I only ever cut in that one square and over the last few months, the scars have pretty much accumulate within every inch of it. I usually don't care because I took to wearing raglan shirts and the sleeves cover it but I just got a new job and I don't know whether the uniform shirts are long sleeve or short sleeve. It's causing a lot of anxiety because the only reason I need a new job is because I got fired from my last one on the assumption that I was mentally ill, no one had even seen my scars. The other thing on my mind is that I am so sick of feelin so out of control. I bought a new knife today and I haven't been able to stop fiddling with it since I took it out of the packaging. Lying in bed watching New Girl, I was just making small 2mm cuts in rows up my bicep, almost unconsciously and it seems to be like this all the time now days, I just can't stop. It's almost worse than the drinking. Anyway, that's my update. Ironically, the guy who I am dating at the momet is the one who kinda re-triggered my cutting off (not in anything he did, just that he selfharms too) and he is doing way better than I am. We reversed, I cut frequently and he is back to rarely

Sometimes I just lose control and slash wildly

The little fucker won't stop bleeding and it's been hours