MARCODIL

Sekitarku terasa tak bergerak

Ketika hangat kopi pagi menyuruput ke dalam kesadaranku

Otakmu membeku

Akalmu menumpul

Saat aku tersadar mereka yang telah bertemu tempat peraduan batinnya

Aku diam, tahu salah telah melepas

Pantai Tanjung Tinggi - Belitung

But i am so wrong. Because nobody other than mom, knows what exactly is a family.

I amin to that. But turn out, it's hard.

My expectation is too much.

But when family beat you,

Allah never fails to satisfy me

He is the One who knows where exactly aches

He is the One who knows what to do when me as a human has no control

Everytime,

Allah shows us mercy

He shows me He would always there

Listening to my heartache

Waiting for my tears to stop

And Showing His love that never fail to calm me.

إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِي

But i couldn't forgive

For everything in past years of what you've been doing to the most respectable women i know

I dont need you to look at me

Because i never feel need to

You should apologize

It's the only way

To the graveyard of a body on 53 yo.

Forgiveness,

Like, feeling that the world is actually trying to play on you,

Trap you into some hidden blackhole,

To finally at the end,

It calls on you,

"See, who told you to be smile in the beginning. I could swap all of it in no time."

Then everytime, things are making you happy. You doubt it.

Or simply just to text at the same time and fast-replying.

I hate the way our time frame are slowly separating.

But i bare it, should i bare it, because i know you're struggling.

And i won't make you struggle more by hearing all my clingy things. Because it's already hard.

I believe we both struggles to make it through, so i will not give up.