there is peace even in the storm

this is an independent portrayal of thoma from genshin impact. side account ;  follows back from lcyblade. iconless semi-lit rp , heavily hc based until more information is revealed about him. low activity. this will be a side blog until i feel more comfortable with his character and eventually move him to a main.  

       ➟ not spoiler free. if you aren’t caught up with the game lore i wouldn’t suggest following.  icon credit      

thank you for your interest and have a great day !! 

Ayato watches Thoma practically prance out of the room and in the privacy of his own office, allows himself a small curl of amusement on his lips as he picks at his meal. In truth, he really didn’t have much of an appetite, but his beloved housekeeper had gone through all the effort to check up on him and feed him, so Ayato supposed indulging in the few morsels of dinner he could stomach would have to suffice.

At least enough so that Thoma wouldn’t concern himself over it.

It hardly even takes ten minutes, but by the time Thoma is back, Ayato is already gently pushing his tray aside for now. “That’s quite alright, Thoma, I’ve had my fill as it is.” He shuffles towards the doorway and slides open the screen. “Accompany me.” He says as his robes flutter past the housekeeper. He keeps an even stride, not wanting to dally, but neither wanting to have this moment end too soon for his liking.

“How fairs my sister? Is she well?” Which is really the minimum that Ayato can ask for. He would inquire upon her happiness, if not for the fact that he knew well the state of affairs in their country currently. If he really had anything to truly be concerned about, the Shuumatsuban would have informed him of such already.

Like this, it was easier to pretend as if things where simpler than they were, rather than acknowledge the constant brewing of tension under the gaze of the Almighty Shogun. Ayato’s mind clearly wanders farther than it should, his steps trailing like afterthoughts to the worries that plague him.

“That is good,” He answers absentmindedly, before shaking his head free of the ‘then’ and focusing instead on the ‘now’. “…And what of you, Thoma?” Ayato says in lieu of an apology for not having been completely present the past few moments. He seems more focused, eyes trained onto the other man as he pays much closer attention.

although it comes as a bit of a surprise , thoma does not question how quickly ayato finishes his meal , nor does he hesitate when asked to follow him down the corridors. he follows promptly , perhaps not with the same elegance but a pace to match with a bounce in his step , acutely aware of ayato’s movements. old habits truly died hard and while the two were close , thoma was technically still on the job ; it was his due diligence to act professional , even when , at times , he was curious as to the other man’s motivations behind his actions. even now as they walked , the blond shot ocassional glances to the other male , his own expression softening as he saw the way ayato’s brows knit together in thought. still , he does not bring it up , instead continuing on with the conversation as if nothing had transpired outside these four walls. 

the second question is raised and it pulls thoma out of his ramblings ; emerald hues glance to rhinestone eyes. he stammers for a moment , startled by the subtle shift in direction. 

           ❛  me ? ah .. well , um.   ❜

gaze forcibly removed , thoma releases a habitual chuckle as they approach their destination ; a hand extends to push the door open first , allowing ayato to take the lead. 

           ❛  i’m alright ! no need to worry about me ... in fact , i should ask how you are doing ! i can only imagine how hard you’ve been working recently , you must be exhausted ...   ❜

this isn’t inherently true. while thoma was not at ayato’s side all the time , he did see the side of the young master that few public eyes ever got to ; a side of stress , weariness and , in extremely rare times , frustration at the given situation. it’s a fleeting moment accidentally shared with the two but the memory rests in thoma’s mind far too often and that’s why he took it upon himself to be even more diligent in taking care of the clan leader. after all , ayato’s happiness truly was one of the most important things to the retainer. 

walking further into the bathing room , thoma stops to check the temperature of the water and , once satisfied , returns back to the other male with a warm smile. 

Kazuha chuckles, his laughter as rich and warm as the sake they’re partaking in. “Well, I’m told that sake is at its best when it’s shared, and I happen to be in the mood for another round.” Although, the ronin could seemingly never get his fill of sake. It’d been some time since he’d actually enjoyed the genuine stuff from his home country.

Compared to the years spent away from it, the moment now felt like a dream, dancing just out of his reach. Kazuha sips from his cup, the fruity aftertaste of lavender melon accompanied by a low simmering burn washing over his tongue, stirring in his belly.

“I wouldn’t consider it spoiling,” He says lightly, cheek tucked into the palm of his hand as he looks over at his friend, who seems much worse off than he. “I would much rather call it… indulging. In both the drink and your company, my friend.” He smiles some, a lazy curl of his lips, a slow blink of his eyes, drowsy from the alcohol.

“Though… perhaps for your own health, you’d be more receptive to a glass of water instead?”

indulging. 

such a bold word , yet so nonchalantly delivered ! the word drips like honey and for a moment the blond is transfixed , settles on it and contemplates why that particular word was used - even in a disoriented state he’s aware that everything kazuha does is meticulous , filled with purpose despite its subtle nature. a characteristic which thoma appreciates but , unfortunately , falls on puzzled ears , plush lips that pout as he fiddles with his hands for a moment. 

          ❛  you don’t need to worry about me ... my health is alright.  ❜

he feels as if he needs to come up with a solution , the consistent struggle between another alcoholic beverage and water , but his mind is fuzzy , warm and clouded and it’s hard to articulate anything other than whatever string of thought forms from his subconscious. it’s only after a moment of silence that he hums , an attempt to formulate a plan. 

result : agriculture and the home 

the retainer never allowed himself the freedom to enjoy himself , let alone with good company as kazuha. thoma always tries to present himself as professional as possible , because even when he wasn’t working , he was always representing the kamisato clan. an extension , like a cog in the wheel , and he could not tarnish their reputation. not after everything they did for him , especially when they offered so much kindness to him. 

however , on very rare , extremely circumstantial times , thoma perhaps allows himself to have an extra beverage or two. and , sometimes , he orders something that feels like molten lava that rests in his belly and brings a flame to his cheeks. seriously , was it always this warm in here ? suddenly the blond feels like he’s wearing too much and he half-heartedly tugs at the bottom hem of his shirt , fingers curling into the fabric. the offer is made and he’s now shaking his head slightly ; at one point in the night he had let his hair out of its tie so golden locks now roll over his shoulders , framing his face. 

"Thoma-" he begins and stops. The fireplace is burning low. There's a warm cup of tea in his hand. Quiet comforts after a hectic day. His mouth feels a little dry suddenly, so he takes a small sip and tries again. "Thoma, have you ever kissed someone?"

despite the steady rise of the moon outside , the teenager finds himself still feeling rather energetic - being around his friends really did have an effect on him , that eagerness to spend every waking moment with them even if it wasn’t very likely. but he couldn’t help it ! he cared so deeply for his companions it was enough to make his chest ache when they were away for extended periods of time. the blond does not think of that , however ; emerald eyes watch diluc with curious intrigue , and even when he hears the question he doesn’t turn away , instead letting out a nervous giggle. 

     ❛   like ... a real kiss ?  ❜

that was a silly question. of course that’s what diluc meant , what else could it be ? it wasn’t uncommon to kiss a familial figure on the cheek in these parts of the land , or to give a quick peck on the forehead for a friend. but on the lips ... why , the thought alone brought butterflies to his tummy ! knowing that many of his friends already had their first kiss ... 

thoma hums partially under his breath , a habit he’s had for years now. soft digits trail along the porcelain of the cup as he contemplates how to phrase this. when he seems satisfied with himself the boy rocks in his spot , swaying back and forth , briefly flicking his attention skyward in sheepish modesty. 

     ❛   no , i don’t think i have ! i’m waiting for someone special , hehe. why ?  ❜

another thought crosses his mind and the blond gasps , doe eyes widening as he returns his attention back to the redhead. 

Gorou doesn’t seem to take much offense to the shrinking comment. He’s more than comfortable with his own short stature and, as the victor of the bout, it’s clear that he knows how to work it to his advantage. He merely rolls his eyes with a soft huff of amusement and jogs lightly over to keep up with Thoma’s longer stride.

“Now why would I ever do a thing like that? And deprive the world of all this?” He raises both arms in a flexing gesture, more humorous than an actual act of vanity, though it’s not like he doesn’t have anything to be proud of. This form’s musculature was quite painstakingly deliberated on for maximum efficiency in the field and it shows. “Anyways…”

He takes a moment to casually stretch his arms straight over his head next to work out any kinks in his back, leaning one way, then the other, all the while eyeing that cheeky grin on his friend’s face. Still hasn’t learned his place yet, has he? With a mischievous smile of his own, Gorou casually sidles closer…

Before bodily hipchecking Thoma with a little hop, smacking him with his tail on his way down.

“Race you back to camp!” And there goes the famed General of the Resistance, scampering ahead with a childish cackle. Such dire times these were becoming, yet still, Thoma really has a way of bringing out the fox in him.

the retainer should have kept his gaze on gorou longer. of course it wasn’t a huge surprise that the general would make a sneak attack on him like this - a man of tactical knowledge and prowess was certainly one to be weary of ! but there was no one to blame but thoma’s ignorance as he stumbles slightly to the side , a brief look of absolute surprise as he watches in disbelief. it doesnt take long before thoma realizes that there’s a game afoot and he lets out a laugh , readying his form before he brings his speed into a running start as well.

for a snippet in time there is no conflict , no anguish , there’s nobody and nothing to worry about. it was just two friends , a hearty laugh , the way their hearts drum in their blood and the sun that kissed their skin. 

whether by sheer luck or strength its uncertain how thoma managed to catch up , though his long limbs could have played a factor. nonetheless , he sees the opportunity to make his own devious little sneak attack as well , and the blond is so washed up in the heat of the moment that he doesn’t even think straight before he reaches over and scoops gorou part-way into his arms , briefly spinning with him and letting out an airy , breathless laugh that seemed to flow out effortlessly. gloved digits hold the fighter , firmly but not too tight , almost like a hug as the two stumble slightly.

Though Thoma is a dear friend, there’s still a distinctly smug angle to the tilt of Gorou’s lips as he looks down at him splayed across the floor, a crooked grin that shows off his canines proudly.

“Maybe it’s not me that’s so strong, but you that needs to find your center,” Gorou suggests ‘humbly,’ yet the playful swaying of his tail says otherwise. Perhaps it is a little unfair, for a soldier like him to be sparring with a retainer with no holds barred- but honestly, no using Visions means the playing field is basically level, right? “You should be more mindful of your height, Thoma. You know what they say: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

The general waits for his opponent to rise, eyes flicking over him thoughtfully, lingering on the sweat on his brow and chapped lips. Then he sheathes his bokken decisively.

“Refreshments first,” he says with a shake of his head. “Though I would love to wipe the floor with you again… it wouldn’t be very fair if you passed out from heat exhaustion first, now would it?”

Not that it seems to be affecting Gorou in particular. He’s had more than enough time to adjust to the weather and is wearing far less oppressive clothing.

sparring with gorou was always elating , despite the physical endurance ; another giggle promptly escapes him , bubbles up at the way the general teases. it feels playful in nature and for a brief moment thoma is reminded of a very distinct memory , one of his childhood in the valley , with wooden swords and cloud watching and talks of exploration ... 

     ❛   why do you have to bring up my size ? i’m not that much bigger than the last time we’ve seen each other ... unless you’ve managed to shrink.

another chuckle , followed by a slight sigh ; gloved digits hook onto the end of his shirt and tug , a fruitless attempt to cool himself off. a break certainly sounded good , even more so with the promise of water , however his innate competitive nature was beginning to , slowly and surely , seep through the cracks. it reveals itself first with that cheeky grin he shoots to his friend as he begins to walk back to the camps, a slight bounce to his step. 

Fingers trace the smooth, polished surface of his cup, letting the heat seep through the layers of bandages and into his hand, finding himself for a moment longing for some liquor in place of the soothing tea, as if that could truly burn and shut still bleeding wounds he never allowed anyone else to see or care for. Kazuha just tries to focus on the moment instead, tries to feel that heat between his hands and hopes it’ll reach deeper than his skin, hopes it can touch aching muscles and weary bones.

A deep breath, a tiny attempt at drinking, like hoping that warmth trickling down would reach that gutted, battered soul.

“I… truly do appreciate that, Thoma.”

And some part of him still finds a little bit of strength to offer a smile, just as worn out and exhausted as he looks, just barely reaching eyes that match its fatigue. Kazuha makes sure that the cup is resting safely on the table, as if that could hide the cold shiver to run through his hands at that moment.

He could leave it at that, or maybe even make an attempt and lie once again, an response that felt too natural by now, scarily normal with how used he had grown to it, like there was no longer a need to put on a mask- it had simply become a part of who he was to the eyes of most people.

He also knew that it would be nothing more than wasted time when it came to Thoma, when he wasn’t most people and had already seen and heard of the worst of it. When he was one of the few Kazuha had learned to call a friend. He’s already wasted enough time running and hiding, anyways.

He’s tired of running and hiding. He wants to trust again.

“I must admit… I do wish to simply speak about it. Maybe even more than what I allow people to assume.”  Words carefully strung together, even in a moment like this. Kazuha is still trying to learn to do better than that, to let his mind speak without feeling as if every sentence has to be curated to the last detail and… it’s much more difficult than he would’ve ever expected. Perhaps the Kaedehara name has never truly let go of him despite his hopes. “… I am never truly sure of where to begin. No matter how many times I relive that day and the ones that followed in my own mind.”

In itself, that is already progress, a small step forward. Admitting to the mess hiding in his own head haunted by ghosts that refused to leave is more than what he would ever tell other people.

“It is… exhausting. And I want it to stop… and that feels so selfish.”

the blond watches , patiently , as kazuha begins to speak - not as before , but authentically , from the soul , words that are carried with scarred hands and a broken heart , and its enough to make thoma’s chest swell in anguish. part of him feels grateful to be let into kazuha’s little world like this , in such a personal and intimate way even if it may be temporary , a curtain pull away into the window of a home with the lights off. and yet , in a terribly childish way , the other part of him wishes he could take on these burdens , alleviate the pain for the sake of his friend’s happiness. naturally he couldn’t do that , he was only human after all. fate was cruel in that regard. it did not matter how much you cared for someone , you could not simply wish away their pain ... 

thoma realizes suddenly that he has been biting his bottom lip for too long and he quickly releases , self aware that he may have looked foolish. for a brief moment he averts his attention away from kazuha and takes a prolonged sip from his cup , the soothing warmth of the tea briefly lulling his thoughts. when he lifts his head , emerald hues lock on the others’.

      ❛   i’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way ... i can’t begin to understand your pain. it may be bold of me to say this but it’s not selfish for you to try to find relief , however small it may be.   ❜

words hang on his throat with a vice grip and for a moment thoma is worried about speaking too much , spilling too many of his thoughts , but in a moment of courage he finds the voice to continue. 

      ❛   you don’t have to be alone ... whether in your grief or your pain or your thoughts. you have people who care about you ... i care about you , kazuha. so please ...   ❜

he swallows thickly. the wells of tears threaten his eyes and that wave of shame gusts through his form again , enough to bring a flash of heat to his face. when he speaks again , his voice seems somehow smaller than usual. introverted. 

Ayato looks over the meal, the lowlight of the candle dancing in his pink irises as a reflection of the surprising warmth he allows for Thoma. A soft hum as he notes that he’s been served one of his favorite dishes. “Yes, yes,” He says with a roll of his neck. 

“If you were to give me anymore lifestyle counsel, I might consider reassigning you as my doctor.” His shoulders pop in protest as he brings his arms back in a stretch he likely has neglected for hours. A weary groan escapes him. He really is getting old…

The thought is not a new one, and neither is it a notion that he’d like to tread along tonight. Like the rain washes away the grime, the commissioner draws in a deep breath, wiping away the thought into purity. It would do no good to lament over the path he has chosen, the path he has been given.

He opens his eyes- he hadn’t realized he had closed them really- to watch Thoma bustle around. It’s rather amusing to see him move about in this office as if he were worried about disrupting even the smallest of dust motes. Surely they would be integral to the work that is done here.

“Draw me a bath then return here at once.” Ayato says, taking the cup of tea into his hands and blowing softly on it, the steam wafting and curling away from him. He does not explain why Thoma needs to return here, but he knows that the other surely will not ask.

Just as the housekeeper goes to leave, Ayato speaks once more. “And thank you for the meal as always.”

the final comment draws thoma’s attention , briefly causing a pause in the doorway as the blond glances over his shoulders to the other male. transfixed briefly by the words , his lips part in stilled surprise before they pull into a happy smile , eyes lit with authentic glee. 

       ❛   it’s the least i can do , kamisato-san !    ❜

he nearly spins on his heel as he forces himself to turn away , somehow avoiding the frame in the process - he really did know the layout of the complex like the back of his hand at this point , and it shows with the nimble way he weaves through the halls , bounds to the washroom , a light hum lifting in his throat all the way.  preparing the bath is by no means troublesome , given how often he’s asked to do this for his lord and lady. it feels like a flow of motion rather than a task ; make sure the environment is clean , test the water for the right temperature , lay freshly dried towels , prepare an incense to light for the arrival of the master. all the while a smile lingers on plush lips , the thought of ayato enjoying his food elated him , such a simple thing and yet how it warmed his soul ! after all the happiness of his lord and lady was really the most important thing ... 

the praise is enough to uplift a rosy hue to his features as he returns to the work room. two quick knocks to the door as to announce his arrival before the blond peers back in , a slight cock of his head into the doorway. 

random interactions { accepting }

brows tug together as the retainer cocks his head to the side , lips pursing in thought. 

        ❛  stuck to my head ... ?   ❜

a gloved hand instinctively lifts up , pats around for a moment or so before digits land on the fabric. immediately his eyes widen in realization and a gasp escapes before a laugh follows after , a hearty one that feels full , from the chest. 

random interactions { accepting }

the northern wind feels cool to the touch , dances along soft skin and crimson cheeks. intermingled with the breeze is the cherry blossoms that bring with it a sweet smell that would have been nostalgic to the locals of this land. to the blond , however , it was not the petals that bear memories , but the wind itself , the gentle way it lifted his head and offered butterfly kisses to his form. though many in inazuma had dealt with the storms , a moment’s peace brought with it the wind that carried the love of those from the past , a much-needed reminder that though they were physically far , their shared experiences will live on forever. this , in its authentic form , was what motivated thoma to continue to protect. the thought brought him a sense of calm amongst the chaos of life. 

the voice ( rather , those words ) abruptly pull thoma back to reality and he blinks , doe eyes lifting to the other. the sight of a friend certainly tugs at the corners of his lips , though its not enough to fully reveal a smile. in fact the way his expression softens somehow feels more melancholy than before. 

     ❛  i’m alright , i can assure you - nothing to worry about here.  ❜

a slight sigh escapes him. 

Thoma   was   awfully   observant   and   here   Yoimiya   thought   she   was   doing   an   excellent   job   at   hiding   her   gloominess.      No   one   had   pointed   it   out   to   her   until   this   moment.            

“O-Oh      –”      she   smiled   but   it   didn’t   reach   her   eyes   and   a   small   sigh   left   rosy   lips.         “You   caught   me   –”   

The   pyrotechnician   turned   and   slumped   herself   upon   a   nearby   crate.      Gaze   focused   on   the   earth   beneath   her   feet.         

“Pops   isn’t   doing   so   hot   and   I   just   found   out   the   medicine   he   needs   is   in   short   supply,         I’m   just   —      really   worried   about   him,   ya   know?   He’s   the   only   family   I’ve   got   left…”

thoma watched in careful consideration the way yoimiya dipped her head , tone lowering ; the way that she seems to crawl into herself feels like being forced to watch a flame get smothered , left with nothing but ash. it twisted his insides , seeing his friend in such dismay , hands clasping together out of nervous habit.  yoimiya spent almost all her life giving to others , especially her father ... thoma knew what it felt like to be separated from family. he didn’t wish that upon anyone. 

      ❛ i’m really sorry , i had no idea ...   ❜

a pause , lips parted in a exhale as he inched carefully to the other. he doesn’t sit right beside her , presumably out of her own comfort , instead standing near yoimiya. gloved digits lift and rest gently on her shoulders as a small smile lifted on his features. 

A quill scratches quietly against parchment as the young lady of the house sets herself to work. Though she spends many days involved with the citizens of Inazuma, there is always behind the scenes matters to attend to. The small matters especially fall to her. She doesn’t mind it, truly. There are just moments where her thoughts wonder. Wonder to a life outside of attending to her duties as a member of the Kamisato Clan, of how young women her age might spend their days. Daydreams occupy her thoughts until she registers the knock at her door.

“Come in!” she calls out, more out of habit than anything. Given their closeness, Ayaka has waved away the need for formalities. At least, when they’re not around the other Commissions.

Ah. She must have truly drifted off into her daydreams this time, realizing she’d unintentionally drew a sizeable line across the parchment. She sets it aside, grabbing another to replace for later. “Thank you, Thoma,” she hums as she watches him pour the tea. She waits a moment before carefully picking up the cup. She blows gently at the tea to cool it, before taking a sip. Lowering the cup, a gentle smile graces her features.

“That sounds delightful, as does fresh air for that matter. Give me just a moment to write a note for myself for later on.”

always an observant one , thoma waits patiently for approval , gloved hands clasping together habitually ; he watches the smile bloom on her features and it seems to brighten her composure , uplift her the way a flower reaches for the sun , and he can feel the way his heart flutters. it was such a little action , not entirely note-worthy to most given how nonchalant it was , but to thoma it meant the world. her happiness was what mattered to him and it was special moments like these that he treasures. 

       ❛  of course , please - take as much time as you need.   ❜

the blond shifts in his stance slightly. always full of energy , perhaps a bit too much. 

       ❛  i certainly hope i didn’t interrupt anything too important. if you’d like , i can return later once you’ve completed more of your ... ah.   ❜

hues dart briefly over to the side , eyeing the streak of ink across one of the sheets. though he doesn’t outwardly laugh , a slight snort escapes him , a chuckle laced with his words.