Flat Soda

1,825.

I knew you. And by “i knew you” i mean i fucking

suffered

violently vehemently fucking suffered

by your god damned hands.

not violence because im carving myself into you

(felt like i could have died cutting you out of me)

violence because i am fucking hemorrhaging

violence because i bent so far back my spine can’t see straight anymore

violence because i walked out with a limb missing

violence because it felt like fucking

war

But.

It wasn’t.

it was another

One thousand eight hundred and twenty five

days.

i guess some things just feel like the same thing.

like how our intertwined lives of five years unwound like yarn. and five years later.

Some things feel like the same thing.

& so, it just was, & it just is.

& i know that life works out the way that it does because

it has to

(at least that’s what i have to tell myself)

Or else. or else, or else.