Momma Don’t Be Sad

Oh how I wish I could hold you right now😢 #myhealer #myStinky https://www.instagram.com/p/B-LfM9ghvbF/?igshid=hlyju8mwddoo

All I need is my traveling Maui and my Instant Pot!😂 @maui_woweeee #instantpot #travelnecessities #Chicagobound #readyforsnow ❄️ #justyouandI @rudyrico69 ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BsQsIDaBDaK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1oceph4l4ttjz

Maui my travel buddy. He ‘s done amazingly well on his first flight! ❤️#chihuahuasofinstagram #chihuahuaoftheday #sleepypuppy #longhairchihuahua (at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport (Sea-Tac)) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqNnBuVBCgD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pkvsj6kmg6pq

Maui my travel buddy. He ‘s done amazingly well on his first flight! ❤️#chihuahuasofinstagram #chihuahuaoftheday #sleepypuppy #longhairchihuahua (at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport (Sea-Tac)) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqNnBuVBCgD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7o4vtfm9wpey

What is going on?! I am flying home tomorrow and taking my Stinky with me. I woke up extremely emotional and have butterflies and sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach! I never get this bad when I travel. I rather enjoy the whole process. Plus I am taking my mother with me so super excited! And best of all I get to see my husband after all these weeks. I feel like when I see him I will just take a deep breath and let everything go. He better catch me! I never thought I would be going back without my pup. These waves of pain and sadness are brutal.

The pain comes in waves and I never really know when it’s coming or how long it will last. I opened the door to my daughter’s room and there she sat crying hysterically. Feeling guilty wishing things were different. I’m not ready to relive the details of that night. But what she did and what she went thru trying to save our Stinky was beyond traumatizing. It is a night I wish I could erase from her memory. It tears me up inside to see my child so distraught and broken. God please heal our spirit.

Sunday morning after our Stinky passed, I took our Bud, who is also a long hair chihuahua, outside. As I came around the corner to where both do there business, I was followed and swarmed by dragonflies! Maybe 10 or more. I felt immediate comfort! I truly believe it was our precious Stinky telling me he was ok and not to worry any more. I would walk away and they would dive close to me and just linger. There was a calmness and peace that came over me. It was the most amazing thing. Even Bud who usually jumps up at anything just stood and watched. We stood there a good five minutes with the dragonflies and then watched them fly away. My heart is heavy with thoughts of what if and I know I’ll never get answers I seek. He will not be scoffing at me when he’s irrated. He will not come running when I ask if he wants a treat. He will not be with me on the beach when we go home to Hawaii. But with this sign I know in my heart that he telling me, “Momma don’t be sad Momma I’m ok.” I miss him like crazy and it hurts like hell. This morning as Bud and I came outside again we were created by dragonflies. Only this time I said, “Hi my baby Stinky, are you doing ok?” They danced with us for a bit then flew away.

I’m lost without our Stinky 😢 Mornings are the hardest.😭 #timewillheal #petloss #petlossofinstagram #petlosssupport #chihuahuasofinstagram #chihuahua_feature #chihuahuafanatics 🐶 https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEMYG6H6mP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wwl9g92uz4uc