i am alive

My hands are twitching and my heart's screaming conkus.

Would anyone want a quick mafia!au ficlet staring our two boys? Ya'll can even suggest what's gunna happen because lord knows I have so much going on my head. I'd really love it if ya'll suggested something that connects to the last mafia ficlet I posted! Maybe I can post a chapter by tomorrow or something.

Hi there! Ya'll remember me?

Man, it's been so long since i've written anything on here! Can't believe it's been more than a year since this all started and abruptly ended! For that, I offer all of my readers my sincerest apologies. School caught up to me and this freshly sixteen potato has had a lot on the plate. I'm not quite sure if I'll be writing again or if anyone would really care about me writing again, but I've simply felt so guilty about abandoning this blog for ages that I couldn't even open my tumblr! Felt like I was in rehab or something.

Anyway, I don't really know where I was going with this. I still love DBH and my conkus babies. Life's just been one clingy asshat, yah know? It's a shame. There's so much I really would have had loved to do. Maybe I'll pick up writing again? Lord knows my fingers have been twitching.

And honestly? I missed you guys. Maybe I've moved on from the fandom, little by little, but I sort of... missed all the love and stress relief each and every one of you give me. Man, this is so random and kinda emotional, but give this fry a break! It's one in the morning and I can't sleep and i just really really really miss this

thanks, boo <3 hope you enjoy!!! This is my last number request hehe. Prepare for the angst, dear readers! Warning: implications of child abuse/bad parenting

The house was simple and functioning. It was covered with hues of black and grey, color only touching the beautiful and vast flower gardens. It was cold, both in temperature and vibe. It was a house, not a home.

Markus shuddered as he walked up to the front door. He pulled his coat tighter and breathed in. With a tightly clenched fist, he knocked on the hard wood of the door. Loud and with purpose.

“Amanda!” He shouted. “Come out, I’d like to speak with you.”

No answer. Markus clicked his tongue in annoyance, staring hatefully at the roses that gave a false sense of life. He knocked again, calm and focused.

He said again, “please, I won’t take too long. We just need to speak.”

This was for Connor. This was for them. Everything he’ll do, everything he’s done has been for him. Nothing matters except for Connor. He tapped his fist on the door again, sounding more desperate.

“Amanda,” he said softly, “I know you can hear me. Please. I need to know if Connor’s okay.”

Finally, the door opened. It revealed a tall and dark woman standing with a strong sense of pride and a regal attitude. She looked down on Markus with scorn. Markus stared back.

“Mr. Manfred,” she said with unhidden ire, “how very rude of you to come here. Without any warning, nonetheless.”

“I tried. You blocked my number and my landline,” he said quietly. 

“So it’s my fault now?” She raised an accusatory eyebrow.

“No,” he replied, avoiding the verbal spar she was hoping to get out of him, “it’s not. I just need to know if Connor’s okay.”

She bristled at his words. “Are you implying, Mr. Manfred,” she began, “that Connor wouldn’t be fine under my care?”

Yes. “No, of course not,” he assured. “I never saw him ever since he got out of the hospital. I just want to see how he’s doing right now. That’s all.”

“You don’t have the right to see my son,” she hissed. “You put him in that hospital, Mr. Manfred. You and your stupid rebel friends brainwashed my child into believing in idiotic causes. Let me assure you, Mr. Manfred, he does not wish to speak with you.”

“You just don’t want me to talk with him because you know he’d choose me over you in a heartbeat.” 

Markus gnashed his teeth together. He was ticking with annoyance and offended rage. How dare she put words in Connor’s mouth like that, as if she were his voice?

Amanda only laughed, cruel and cold. “He broke his arm and almost suffered a concussion to protect you as though you mattered.” She shook her head. “My child is destined to be great. He will never be what I want him to be if you’re still around to bother him.”

“It’s not your choice!” He yelled. “He’s almost an adult, Amanda. Soon, he won’t be under your tyranny and I’ll be there to laugh at you.”

Markus was losing his patience. He needed to calm himself down.

“Do you think he wants to be anything like you?” She sneered. “An artist? A rebel? What a joke! He has a future and I will make sure that it won’t involve you.”

“He’s happy with us, Amanda.” He imagined all their afternoon with Carl, sipping tea. Their fun activities with the Jericho gang. The midnight conversations only the two of them shared. Connor deserved to be happy.

“His enjoyment doesn’t matter,” she said, “he only needs to follow what I say so that he might actually have something stable to look forward to. He doesn’t need you, Mr. Manfred, he’ll only ever need me.”

“Then bring him out here,” Markus answered confidently, “let me talk to him and we’ll see what he says. I’m taking him back to Carl if he so much as says he doesn’t like your scrambled eggs.”

She smiled. “As you wish.” She turned behind her and called, “Connor! You have a guest.”

The two heard the soft footsteps coming towards them. Markus was nervous whilst Amanda was cocky. 

Connor appeared and Markus wanted to cry. There were bruises on his neck and blood on his crisp white shirt collar. His pretty brown eyes were blank as he stared down at the floor. He looked so incredibly sad.

“Yes, Amanda?”

“Would you like to leave with Mr. Manfred?”

Markus looked at him hopefully, ignoring how all of this felt wrong and scripted. He pretended that Connor would most definitely agree and that they’d have pizza with Carl again. Maybe play some video games. Anything he wanted. Just-

“No, Amanda,” he whispered softly to her.

“Connor, wait-”

“You hear that?” She smirked. “Get off my property. Now, Mr. Manfred.”

“No. Connor, I won’t abandon you here.”

Connor whispered back, “I need you to leave, Markus. Please.”

Markus’ eyes of blue and green stared at his friend with desperation. He would never allow Amanda to hurt him. He just won’t.

He reached out past the sorry excuse of a foster mother and gently placed his hand on Connor’s shoulder. He hesitated when he flinched, but kept steady when he felt Connor wilt under the affection of his touch.

“Connor, I’ll save you. I promise you won’t have to stay here anymore. Do you trust me?”

His friend hesitantly looked up from the floor. Markus saw the desperation and hope that swam in his soft brown eyes. It was all he needed.

Amanda clicked her tongue and removed his hand on her son. She aggressively shoved him off of her doorstep and slammed the door on his face. Everything was quiet now.

“Connor?”

The detective almost jumped out of his skin in surprise. He had assumed he was alone. “Markus?” He looked behind him and there the artist was. 

Markus grinned and waved his hand. “Happy New Year! What are you doing around here? It’s a bit past 12 already.”

“You have a nice neighbourhood.” Connor shrugged. “I wanted a walk after tucking the Lieutenant back in bed. He’s pretty much out cold right now.” He blinked. “Happy New Year, too.”

“So you’re not doing anything right now?”

“Well, no.”

“Come with me, then.” Markus offered. “I have some fireworks left and I want to light them up with you. Carl would appreciate the new company.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Connor said hesitantly. 

“Oh, please!” Markus laughed. “I’d love to spend New Year’s eve with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely! Come on.” He surprised Connor by grabbing his hand and practically dragging him to his house. Connor was glad it was too dark to notice the shy blush forming on his face.

The two walked to Markus’ nice home. There was a box on the porch and the artist excitedly moved to grab the leftover fireworks. Connor looked up and saw Carl on the balcony. They waved at each other, Connor a bit more awkwardly than he’d like to admit.

“I sort of already lit up the big ones,” Markus said, “and I only have sparklers. Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course.” Connor fumbled with the sticks suddenly being handed to him. “But, er-” he stammered nervously.

“You alright there?” Markus furrowed his eyebrows worriedly. Connor got even more nervous. It was hard to focus when Markus gave him that much attention.

“Yes,” he said quietly, “I’ve simply never... lit fireworks before. Even these kinds.” He awkwardly waved the sticks.

He was reminded of his childhood with Amanda. They didn’t do much, really. Just Connor and his older brother eating slightly fancier food while they watched Amanda fix all their schedule’s for the year.

“Oh! Wow, I’m so dumb!” Markus smiled apologetically. “Here, put your sparklers near mine and I’ll light them up for us, okay? Don’t point it at my face, though! Don’t want to burn this off yet.” He winked and Connor turned redder.

“Got it,” he murmured a response.

“Ready?”

“Yup.”

“3... 2... 1!” Markus lit the sparklers with his lighter. He looked back at Connor as he laughed happily. Connor thought he looked absolutely radiant, stunning with his color and vibrance.

“Happy New Year, Markus.” Connor said shyly.

“I actually wanted to tell you something, Connor.” Markus rubbed the back of his neck like a schoolboy about to confess to his crush.

“Y-yeah?” Connor stammered.

“Look, I know we’ve only known each other for barely a year, but well-” Markus grinned, feeling a heat invading his cheeks- “I really like you. A lot. Can’t stop thinking about you, actually.”

“Markus...” Connor trailed off with surprise.

“You were the best thing that happened to me this year,” he continued, “you’re just so adorable and badass and sassy and I like you for it! There are fireworks in your eyes and I want to spend the rest of my life staring at them.”

“That was...”

“Romantic?”

“Incredibly cheesy.” Connor let out a small laugh and watched Markus shy away a little with embarrassment. “But-”

Markus looked back, hopeful. “But?”

“Staring into your eyes doesn’t sound like such a bad thing.” Connor winked and leaned his head on the crook of Markus’ shoulder, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist.

yasss amennnn!! This is like a mission-gone-wrong-why-are-we-married sort of thing. Hope you enjoy! Sorry abt how long it is lmao

The two agents walked to the small house. Today was the day. Finally, they had an actual lead for the infamous mafia case. It just so happens that their lead was the nicest looking grandmother of the block. That was purely coincidence.

“Excuse me?” Connor knocked. “Is anyone home?”

Markus subtly peaked through a thinly veiled curtain. He could practically smell the old perfume and baking cookies from the inside. The home was basically the archetype of a sweet old lady’s house. How was this their lead?

“Are you sure about this?”

“Very.” Connor was confident. “Do you remember our cover, Mr. Manfred?”

“Two roommates who just moved a block away. We’re giving her flowers as a greeting or something.”

“Trust me on this, Mr. Manfred.” His partner winked and Markus sighed. Connor always had a good gut instinct. “I can feel the deceit and lies this mastermind has under her wrinkly fingertips-”

“Hello, sunny!” A nice old woman suddenly opened the door. She was quite short, barely reaching Markus’ chin. Her half-moon crescent stood in front of her kind blue eyes. Her smile was homely and pure. She looked like she couldn’t hurt a small fly.

you read my mind. Also, for those reading, I have nothing against Simon at all. He was just the most convenient character lmaooo

“Hello, Markus.” Connor greeted.

“Connor!” was the quick reply. “Where have you been? How are you?”

“The DPD’s been very busy.” Connor’s eyes avoided Markus’. “And I've been good, thank you.”

“I haven’t seen you in forever.” Connor was pulled into an intoxicating hug. He was tense, but couldn’t help but take in the musky scent of Markus’ cologne.

It was unfair. Connor saw him every day being happy with someone that wasn’t him. When he closed his eyes, all he could imagine was Markus touching and holding and kissing and fucking someone else. When he opened his eyes, he only saw Markus smiling in a world that didn’t include him.

“Oh?” He replied casually. “I haven’t been out much. What about you? How are you?”

“I’m great!” That stung. “Do you know Simon?”

The blond that invaded Markus’ accounts like a parasite? The precious blue eyed stranger you ate with everyday? The kindhearted caretaker that’s nursing your father to health?

Of course Connor knew. He hurt himself with the knowledge ages ago.

“Who?” He asked politely.

“Oh, well, he’s basically Carl’s new nurse since his last one quit. He’s pretty-” there was a delighted pause, “-amazing.”

“Now I must meet him.” Connor would prefer to avoid him as much as humanly possible, actually. “I can’t have my best friend falling in love with a stranger, eh?” Connor prayed to god that his voice didn’t crack.

Markus laughed delightedly, slinging his arm on Connor’s shoulders. The detective blushed and stared at the ground. Was this worth it? Was any of this worth it? Markus was happy. Was he such a selfish person that he couldn’t support his only friend?

“You’re great, Con!” Markus winked at him and Connor wished he could melt into the ground. “I promise you’ll love him. Let’s have dinner with Simon someday, yeah?” He pinched his friend’s cheek adoringly.

“Markus?”

“Hmm?”

“What would you do if I said that I loved you?”

“Say I love you back, of course.”

“Not... as a friend.”

“Connor, we’re family. We basically grew up together! Carl and Hank said we’re-”

“Not like that either.” Connor wasn’t sure if Markus was actually that hopeless or simply in denial. 

“Then like what, Con...?” Markus unsurely let his arm fall of Connor’s shoulder. The sudden cold sent shivers down his spine.

“Since you met Simon, you’ve been ignoring me.” Connor said quietly. “Every time you talk about him, it keeps reminding me how I’ll never be good enough for you.”

“No-”

Connor breathed heavily. “Every time you go somewhere amazing with him, I remember how you’ll never need me to brighten up your day anymore.” 

“But I-”

“Just let me talk, please!” Connor said desperately. “I can’t always be the helpless kid you remember from your childhood.”

Markus looked sad and Connor hated himself for it. “Alright, Con.” He whispered.

“I know I don’t matter to you anymore.” Connor shuddered. “But you mean the universe to me. I’m a terrible and awful and selfish coward, I know. None of this changes that. It’s just-” he breathed, “-I don’t understand why-”

“Connor, please. Tell me.”

hi, sweetie!!! I’ve actually already done that!! It’s a mafia au thing tho, so I hope you don’t mind!!!