Mass Effect: Andromeda + Planets

A MIND full of questions, a current to PURIFY — Science and visions

i have been writing fanfiction regularly since i was 14, and original fiction on and off for the past several years, and none of it comes close to how the success of a “””big name fan””” is usually measured. i have a few dedicated readers, most of whom are my own friends, and that’s generally the audience i expect. and that isn’t a bad thing. it can be disappointing, because everyone wants to feel appreciated and like their time and effort has been worthwhile, but after a certain point you have to have some self awareness

if you compare the responses you get to others in the negative, that is a form of self sabotage. it just is. especially if you are prone to self destructive habits

i can’t tell you to “just get over it” or anything of that nature because blah blah they’re neurodivergent, harold blah, but i CAN tell you to exercise good habits with regards to your own mental health

a) cultivate a small circle of people who make you feel good about your stuff, and write/create/blog for them, for yourself. any attention you get after that is icing on the cake

b) if you catch yourself obsessing, step away from tumblr for a while. better yet, turn your phone off completely and take a bath or watch a movie, whatever. something that is completely and in every way removed from the internet. return to it when you’re ready. if you aren’t ready when you’re done? keep it off, and do something else. scrapbook. watch your quote unquote cringy show (helpful hint: cringe culture is bullshit, do your own thing and let the haters stew in their own juices)

and c) if you catch yourself getting anxious or symptomatic in response to it, withdraw yourself from the situation and practice self care. maybe do some grounding exercises or deep breathing. whatever you’ve gotta do. your own health is more important than the attention of hypothetical people on the internet

and finally, and i’m saying this as somebody who absolutely does this too and i’m very aware of it, thank you, but defining yourself by other people’s approval is never a good thing. you are constantly going to be questioning your own self worth and chasing after an elusive goal. you will never be satisfied, because outside approval is entirely outside of your control. it isn’t predictable. it isn’t safe. and in the end, you are going to end up in the exact same place you are now, with just as little to show for it

Take as damn long as you want replying to shit. You don’t owe us shit. Your health comes first. You’re choosing to share a vulnerable part of yourself with us and sometimes that’s really hard! Don’t you fucking worry.

“why haven’t you been more active?”

[Imagines Evfra’s deadpan exasperated delivery of this statement.]

where the sun is hot,

the moon is hot,

and mysterious lights are hot,