Banana!

Dave hates spiders; he always makes Stuart or Kevin kill them when he finds them. This has led to much mockery, as most weakness is wont to do amongst minions. Bets were placed and wagers made. If Dave could kill the next spider he came across, he would live like a king.

So when the giant, mutant spider swings into the lab, he knows exactly what to do. He swallows down the panic, fighting the urge to scream for Stuart and run as fast as he can, and grabs a can of Raid, aiming it right at the intruder's face.

"Bello~! Como? Kay batakeep?"

She was the most beautiful woman Dave had ever seen and whether that was in part because she could take him - and his cupcakes - down in a heartbeat he didn't know and he didn't care. All that he knew was that the red-haired vixen was the subject of all of his fondest fantasies and here she was standing in front of him like she had - could she have? - come just to see him.

He tried to find the words to say hello. In his mind, he was suave and debonair. He took her by the hand and twirled her into his arms, tipping her back and greeting her with a deep, growling hello. But all real Dave could manage was an open-mouthed stare of absolute adoration.

Dave, who had been engrossed in tinkering with his favorite rocket launcher, heard the footsteps of his employer coming down the hall - very loud footsteps, he'd always thought, compared the the shuffling of the other minions - and raised the rocket to his side, lifting the other arm in salute.

"Ayo! Boss!" The arm saluting dropped as a big smile spread across his face. He waved with the other hand....completely forgetting the launcher. It began its slow descent and almost instantly the minion realized his mistake. He gasped, scrambling to catch it. The launcher, however, had other things in mind. It tipped....

....and landed neatly right on the trigger.

Thanks to all for making Dave's first day on the job a great one! I have to go to work, but I'll be back in a few hours. Replies are drafted, and anyone who wasn't will be welcomed promptly on my return.

KEVIN!!!!!!!

despicablydave started following you

"Hiya little guy!"

Dave inhaled sharply, the gasp well beyond overdramatic. Throwing both arms out toward the newcomer, he exclaimed, "KITTEH!! MEOW meow meow Memo meow!!!" His imitation might have needed a little work.

Bello! Sa posso tapu aider?

Potato. Tous etes bronde. Prown y bultos. Mango te. Buis seis en mi estomago.

"Potato. You are round. Brown and lumpy. I eat you. And then you are in my tummy."

Bappo! Tu quis es?