we need playing pretend now more than ever

We're gonna find an ethical way to steal organs from people and sew them into each other for eternity I promise. Let's just go ahead with the organ harvesting first though just to get a head start

before we go inside i have something i need to tell you. dont try to lie inside my house. i know its an annoying rule but i need you to promise to take it seriously. there are truth shrews in the walls and if you fib even a little bit they will chew through the electricals in retaliation and its fucking expensive to replace. metaphors are okay but i need you to swear that everything you say from the moment you set through that door will have an essential sincerity to it or the shrews will fuck me over. call an exterminator? no can do, truth shrews are a protected species in this neck of the woods. plus i introduced them myself. to take care of the deceit spiders, you see

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

boobs should have a toggle on/off feature

little brothers be like. me and the bad bitch i pulled by being soo fuckiggnn annoyinggggggg

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

You should be able to sort by controversial on ao3