Peace Of Mind

I’ve had a lot happen in a very short span of months. My life is completely different to what it was 6 months ago. Life has been coming at me and from me. And it’s bizzare that so many themes from when i was 17 have been coming up. But it’s different now. I’m different now. It doesn’t feel like i’m running away from my old life anymore. It feels like I’m finally running toward the life I’ve been trying to build since i was 17.

I struggle with making decisions because when i do, it is final. That’s it. I’m decisive in that way. I like to gather as much data and as many patterns as possible before i come to any decision. I hate regrets and i don’t do what ifs. When i make a choice, im certain. And there’s grief in that. I’ve made choices i never wanted to make. But i knew it was the right thing to do. For me. I will always do that. But damn it’s fucking hard. That’s life though.

I still can’t believe I’m saying this but my life has been better ever since i left that fuck ass man. Seriously, in every way. The wrong person will truly hold you back. And he was holding himself back, and me by extension. Life is weird like that. Now i look back and it’s like i can’t even remember what it was like to be with him but i was with him for years. I don’t have “emotional object permanence” as i like to call it. So with time i truly do forget. It’s sad but it’s better that way. Some people are not worth remembering. He made sure of that.

And when i say same level, just know im talking about character. Im talking about discipline. Commitment. Honesty. Empathy. Honor. Emotional intelligence. Awareness. Kindness. But tbh I’m not surprised if it’s taken the wrong way, some people are just shallow as fuck lmao

All of my ducks are FINALLY in a row. Let’s fucking go. Now i can exhale and enjoy my summer :) very well deserved im truly that fucking girl