Kill me

how many toes you got?

you mean in my mouth or

blocked, have a horrible day

me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore

*waits all week for the weekend* *does nothing*

Wholesome

Fuuucking wholesoooooooome

constant mood: coffee will fix it

It would be cool if after you died you could see the top 5 times you almost died

5 times you didn’t die and one time you did

Reblog to actually save a life

Reblogging, because this is so important. When I was learning how to cook for myself in my tweens, I had at least a five years of fire safety seminars from school drilling this into my head, and I STILL had that instinctive put-the-fire-out-with-water reflex. Didn’t even think. I saw our oily burner catch fire after frying eggs, whipped around towards the sink for water, and my brain immediately screamed NO!!! NO WATER! I mean that fire safety stuff straight up bitchslapped me out of REFLEXIVELY setting my house on fire. I found a pot lid and inched it over the burner before turning off the heat. Even if you think you know this stuff, panic is powerful shit. Make knowledge more powerful.