hermit

Geles: i need a vacation

Geles: after that vacation

Geles: you feel?

In a strange turn of events Tilly wished that he would have just run away. In some weird role reversal she wished for the one thing she had never wanted before, to be invisible. She regretted standing in front of that locker, would go back in time and never see that piece of fabric if she could, because suddenly she had no idea how she felt. She didn’t know what she wanted except that she didn’t want to be having this conversation. So she desperately avoided it, latching onto Derek’s first word and asking questions that she already knew the answer to, “With Chase?” It wouldn’t have been totally out of character for her to turn around, ignore his question that had an answer that was far too complicated and go about her day pretending that she was an only child. Perhaps her life would be easier if that were true, it certainly would be in that moment. She considered that approach in the beat of silence that followed, but when she found her feet refused to be moved she sighed deeply as she gathered her thoughts before attempting to explain, “I don’t know Derek. I just don’t know. There parts of me that so desperately want to forgive you but then…you left me Derek. You left me. Maybe I didn’t handle it the best and I know that you needed time, but I needed you. And you just left me. He was so much worse than he’s ever been and you weren’t there to even try to help. You choose to stay with some guy you barely know and got this nice fresh start with parents who act like parents and I got screamed at because of something you did. He hit me because I made a mistake and he was already mad about you. How am I ever supposed to just forget that?”

          Derek could tell that neither of them wanted to be here -- or well, near each other at least. Because Derek did need to get some books out of his locker. But other than that, Derek didn’t want to be here with Tilly. Both physically and emotionally. He sighed, looking away from her. All he wanted was for things to go back to some sort of normality. Some things just were too difficult. Instead of answering her question about if he’d been with Chase, Derek just nodded. He didn’t think he should answer it out loud because there was no need to. Not when he knew it would hurt. Not just Tilly, but probably himself for hurting her. He didn’t want to have the same argument with his sister that he’d had twice already. There wasn’t anything he could do to make things better, even if he wanted to. Derek half expected her to just walk away. Because neither of them wanted to be here -- Derek especially since he really just wanted to run away and pretend he never had a sister. That just wasn’t the way the real world worked. He sighed when she started off saying exactly what he expected her to say. Derek wasn’t going to tell her that, sure he might not know everything about his boyfriend, but that didn’t mean that he was someone that he barely knew. If he felt like a stranger, Derek wouldn’t have said I love you. He bit his lip to fight the tears. Derek wasn’t going to do this. “I’m sorry. I didn’t handle things rationally. I’m a person that makes mistakes. I won’t apologize for who I am,” he glanced at the flag. “I never asked you to forget it. I don’t want to have this argument again. If you don’t want to talk to me, then don’t. I don’t know what else I can do to make this any better.” And sure he’d moved in with a boy that he’d only met a few months ago. And that the Emerys were more accepting and tolerant than his family ever was, but that didn’t mean he wanted to forget about Tilly. “I need to get to class soon.” 

Riley gave the other sophomore a quick smile. “Welcome.” He chewed on his lip he knew the boy but he didn’t know him that well;so he wasn’t entirely sure how the conversation was going to start or where it would go.

          The other boy returned the smile, but didn’t really know what else to say. He wasn’t close with Riley that well. Unlike Danny and Felix. “Thanks,” he whispered, looking around the diner to see the few other people there were. It seemed mainly empty, but maybe that was just his opinion of the place. “How are you?” Derek asked out of formality.

Seeing Derek take charge with all this camping stuff, seeing him so excited to be out and about, away from Northlake with a boyfriend and a dog.  The boy needed it.  And it was so enjoyable to really see him come alive, in the woods of all places.  Now that things have dwindled down, and a lot of people went to bed, they basically had the ground to themselves.  Chase wasn’t even worried about murderers this time, specifically avoiding any semblance of a scary movie since Derek suggested camping a few weeks ago.  So far so good.  “Yeah, but I like the longs,” he said, waving his knees back and forth.  “It adds to the whole ambiance.”  He smiled at the kiss to his cheek, and gazed down at his words with a giggle.  “Then you’ll have to be my right hand,” he said.  “Good thing I’m left handed, s’mores making’ll be easier.  We’ll just pretend we’re one big but scrawny person, how’s that sound?”  He kissed him sweetly, pulling away to rest his forehead on Derek’s gazing into his eyes with a smile.

anne, although she’d had a rather busy summer, had indeed had a lot of time to think in her time alone. or at least in her time with a toddler that could say approximately ten words in total. and one of those things was how she’d spoken to her best friend’s younger brother. she didn’t regret her message, nor defending tilly, but the attitude, retaliation, and timing was something she did regret. enough to park herself in front of derek’s locker. small smile faltered as derek seemed to refuse to look at her. but she stepped aside all the same with a “ sorry. ” falling from her lips as she leaned against the locker beside his. “ you know you should run for the lgbt club president or something, you certainly look the part ” she complimented, and who didn’t love an underdog story. but the formalities didn’t last long “ listen, i know you’re probably busy but i was hoping you’d let me apologise? ” what should be a statement sounds like a question. her fingers tangling a little with each other as she waits for a response.

Tilly didn’t know why she was still standing there as Derek moved to occupy her previous space and opened up his locker. There was nothing she wanted to say, or perhaps she hadn’t let herself think about it enough to conjure up what she might want to say. After their impromptu texting she had once again slotted her brother into her mind’s “DO NOT THINK ABOUT” box, and when Eric had seen she was acting a little strangely he’d taken her to their newest favourite brunch spot. She had pushed it to the back of her brain and let it stay there while she had fun over Spring Break. And then she’d walked into school and caught sight of that fabric. Now that Derek had opened his locker she could see her suspicions had been right, but she didn’t know exactly why she had been so curious about the flag in the first place. “It was good,” She said decisively, her own confident and firm tone a sharp contrast to his, but really she didn’t have a clue what she was doing. She didn’t know where this was going or where she even wanted it to - odd considering that she thought even the most distant of siblings must have some inbuilt connection to each other, but she couldn’t seem to ever feel one with her own. She took a small breath, her only outward sign of hesitation, before continuing on, “I was out of town for a bit.”

          What were they supposed to say to each other? The more Derek thought about their last conversation, the more he just wanted to erase it from his mind. Was it easier that way? No, not really. Part of him wanted to run away. Grab the books from his locker and just go away. Pretend that Tilly hadn’t been there when he got to his locker. It wasn’t exactly that easy, even if he wanted it to be. It was easy to distract himself around Chase. The boy could just cuddle up and talk about something other than how he was feeling. Not that it was healthy, but still, it was easy not to think about difficult things. Especially when Chase was a very good distraction from everything. He nodded at Tilly’s statement about having a good break. His had been the time too. Not that he felt she wanted to hear that he’d spent his break camping with Chase. “Good,” he nodded, hoping that was good enough for her. Especially since he just didn’t know what he was supposed to do or say in this situation. “It’s probably good to get away.” What else was he supposed to say? “Me too.” He didn’t have to say it because Tilly would know he meant with Chase. He sighed. He might as well be the first person to say it. “Are we... okay?” Derek asked. “Because its okay if you hate me. I did something terrible. I don’t ever have to go back... but... I don’t...” I don’t want to lose you. But he couldn’t say it.

Tilly hadn’t really meant to stop at her brother’s locker, she had vowed that despite his apologies she wouldn’t give in and had been happy ignoring his existence. That had been rather easy to do when she had been miles away in Massachusetts or cuddled up in the cabin with her friends, but she had suspected that it would be slightly harder once they would be forced into seeing each other, even if it was only seconds in the halls together. So she had been determined to start her day well, free of Derek, strutting through the front doors and down school hallway with only a small glance towards his locker. And in that small glance the tiny edge of some bright fabric that had become trapped in the door caught her eye. She’d only been stopped for seconds when she heard her brother’s voice. She turned her eyes to him, seeing him currently examining her heels, but was sure that he had worked out it was her. “Oh yes,” She took a small step to the side, not knowing what else to say or do.

          Thankfully the time away from Northlake had been good for him, even if it had taken a lot of promises to the Emery’s in order to get away. He’d have been happy with just going camping himself, though he was thankful that he’d gotten to spend some time with Chase, cuddling by the campfire or in their tent, watching sunsets and sunrises. Being back had been kind of scary for a moment because there were so many uncertainties. Things Derek didn’t want to think about. Seeing Tilly had been the biggest thing. He’d been confused after their text chat. Were they in a better place -- or not? It was confusing, at least to him. He’d vowed that he wouldn’t make contact with her unless she wanted to talk to him. Giving her some space rather than forcing her to talk. He felt his stomach drop however, when he noticed it was Tilly. Could he hold back a panic attack? Maybe. Probably not. He bit his lip before looking up. “Thank you,” he said, opening up the locker. What else could he say? Really. He didn’t know at this point. Derek threw a book in his locker, pulling out his history book. “How was your spring break?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

Now that things had dwindled down and the sun set, he felt bad he hadn’t done more to help out his boyfriend because the poor kid looked exhausted.  It reminded him of the bonfires he used to have when his siblings were all home from college, but he was so young then.  They all got beers and he got juice and an early bedtime, so this was decently different.  Now, he had a beer, s’mores, and a wonderful boyfriend on his side.  He even let him make a lewd comment and gesture at the hot dogs they ate and didn’t roll his eyes that hard.  It was the little things.  Chase took a marshmallow out, stabbing it with the stuck and slowly turning it over.  His long legs made it so his knees were almost at his chest.  When Derek held his hand, his heart fluttered and he smiled, turning his head and kissing his boyfriend’s forehead.  “I might need that hand back for later,” he mumbled.  “S’mores purposes and all.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask and get back to you speedy quick.” As long as she didn’t get distracted by something else and totally space, Tessa would ask her dad at his earliest convenience and text Derek with the information if it was a ‘yes’. She was fairly certain it would be; but she didn’t want to give her friend a guaranteed answer until she knew for sure. “I haven’t played the new Kirby game yet; so you get to be a guinea pig with me.” With that said, she picked up the game and began to set it up, pausing to turn towards Derek as he commented about the coffee. “Two cups in one day? I’d crash.” But then again, the brunette didn’t drink or even like the caffeinated beverage. 

          “Thanks, for real.” Working would be strange, but Derek eventually wanted to get his own PlayStation unless he got one as a gift for someone -- which he didn’t think he would. “I’m sixteen now, so it’s not a problem.” He smiled. Hopefully the answer would be yes, although he wanted to make sure rather than assume. “Oh, cool!” he exclaimed in response to being the guinea pig with the game. At this point, Derek’s system didn’t function without coffee. “I run on coffee,” Derek shrugged. “I can’t function without it. Probably not the best thing, but hey, I’m training to adult.” 

Riley swallowed hard as he heard the other sophomore ask him a question. “Go a-ahead.” He tried his best to hide his nerves. Be brave Riley,his mother’s words swirling around his head.

          Most of the other sophomores were in the same clique as he was, though that didn’t mean Derek talked to them that often. He had Felix and Danny that he talked to most often, but that was mostly it. “Thanks,” he said, taking a seat. He’d taken medicine this morning, so currently he didn’t feel too anxious. 

So far, this camping experience was pretty accurate to all the movies he’s seen.  However, if they were about to be murdered, he’d at least have Derek beside him so that was a plus.  His parents weren’t really outdoor people, unless it was to amusement parks or the resorts they traveled to with the kids over their winter breaks every year.  “Never too lonely,” he smiled.  “You’re up there all the time.”  Even that was an understatement.  For a split second he was nervous, but Derek’s words assured him that there was nothing to apologetic for and he calmed down.  He looked up with a giddy little grin, giggling a little.  “I’m glad it’s not just me then,” he said, more to himself.  That wasn’t the reason they came all the way out here, obviously, because he hadn’t brought anything anyway.  Was he ready to go physically further?  To be honest, he wasn’t entirely sure.  It was a weird kind of thought process up there.  He watched him with a calm look on his face, realizing he was staring when Derek addressed him.  Chase laughed a little, making a little pose like a Boy Scout would.  “Yeah, where is it?” he asked, looking around.  “Nevermind, I got it.”

          Camping was something Derek decided he liked when he was younger. While he’d never been a Boy Scout, he enjoyed being in the woods -- it was healing. He loved that he could share that with Chase. The comment made him blush, knowing that Chase thought about him just as much as Derek thought about Chase. “I think about you all the time too,” he admitted. “Yeah,” Derek nodded. While he wasn’t sure where he stood on becoming more intimate with Chase, he knew he was comfortable with the boy and that mattered to him. “Thanks.” 

( time skip ) 

( ! — *✧ :   ❝ He was both incredibly sick and very dramatic, it’s the whole teenage hormones thing I think, hopefully he grows out of it soon. ❞ her voice is dull, almost as if she’s already bored of talking to the boy. ❝ The Turner boy? Hm, I think i’ve seen him hanging round the house a few times, I dunno, maybe, you’re welcome to swing by if you wanna check, it’s not like our dad’ll notice. ❞

          “I donno. I like Felix. I hope he never outgrows the dramatic stage,” he shrugged. He wanted the conversation to be over -- but he also wanted the information, so he tried his best not to let his anxieties get to him. “Is he starting to look sick too?” Derek asked. “The thing is, I donno if I can do that or not. I’ve got things and chores and dog walking to get done today. A text would be easier, you know? For some reason, Dan’s not answering his phone. It’s really important.” It was almost despicable how easy lying came to him.

‘‘ I wouldn’t say you’re totally useless, I mean, you’d be pretty crap in a zombie apocalypse, but i’m pretty sure if I think hard I can come up with a situation in which it’d be useful to have you around.’’ he’s teasing, of course, but he’s hoping to get a real smile out of Derek at some point. This hope quickly fades at the others next action. ‘‘ Don’t !! ’’ it’s practically a yell ‘‘ Derek don’t you fucking dare !! ’’

“Switch it is! I got a decent amount of games for it; so we can head to the den and I’ll show you what I got.” With that said, Tessa paused to take a sip of her tea. “Though as for any place hiring, not off the top of my head. I can as my dad if the restaurant’s looking for busboys or something if you’d like? She added before leading him to the den and the console. Once there, she gestured for him to make himself comfortable while she got out the game selection: 1-2 Switch, Fire Emblem, Skyrim, Breath of the Wild, Splatoon, Super Mario Odyssey, Mario Kart, Kirby. “Okay, pick your poison, my friend.”

          “That’s cool. I want one, but I don’t think I can get one.” He didn’t even have a PlayStation anymore. Derek nodded and followed her towards the den. “Anything would be helpful,” he replied, honestly. “I feel bad for living with Chase and making his parents spend their money on me for like food and stuff.” He smiled slightly before biting his lip. The younger boy followed his friend to the den, where he found a comfortable seat to curl up and play games comfortably. “Kinda feeling some Kirby. Sounds good to me. Anything but Mario Kart. I’m... not over what happened the last time I played it.” Derek took another sip of his coffee. “I drank one of these before I left the coffee shop, I should probably not drink this one,” he laughed.