heart

i want to be put under anguish. i want to be put down and reduced into the ugliest parts of me at the hands of somebody i woefully adore and happily hate. there's no better love than one that debases you and sweeps your feet out from under you. there's no better hate than the person you love the most committing atrocities against and towards you and you doing the same. the only way to truly be loved by someone is to rip open your chest and show them the tar and grotesque of yourself and for them to show theirs in return. love is hate— hate is love, and this has been my desire for a long, long time.

you should feel special that i want all your time, it’s a privilege, don’t you think?

i'd let you drag me to hell if it meant you'd hold my hand.

and i remember thinking love must be something close to contamination the fragile inverted mirror of sacrament a sickness breeding in the corners of my mind

i will always want you. you’re woven into me so thoroughly that i can’t see anyone else but you.