Dying-tobe-skinny

“It’s not that wet” 

Imagine you travel by train and suddenly become witness to some uncomfortable interaction: 

An adult man sits down next to a teenage girl and says sexually suggestive things to her. A group of people loudly makes racist jokes about a black passenger. Someone shouts the f-slur at a gay couple. 

You would probably want to do something about it - and at the same time, you may be scared to insert yourself in a situation like that. Directly telling the creep “Shut up and leave them alone” might just make them angry and make it even worse. If you walk up to the victim and ask “Do you need help?”, they may just say no - because they’re too embarassed or they don’t want to escalate the situation, or even because they’re “frozen” (some people freeze when they’re in shock and scared). And of course you may also worry about your own safety. 

A good alternative to “Shut up” or “Do you need help” is simply this: “Hello”. 

Strike up a conversation with the victim without even acknowleding the creep. You can pretend you know them (”Hello Jessica! How are you? I haven’t seen you in ages”) but you can also just go for random small-talk. Ask them for the time, talk about the weather, whatever. Just talk to them. It’s okay to keep it simple: When overwhelmed or in shock, it’s actually easier to reply to yes/no questions. 

Why? There are multiple benefits: 

- You simply distract the creep. Sometimes that’s all it takes for them to shut up! 

- Creeps often seek out people who are by themselves. By talking to the person, you subtly show them that this person is not alone and is not an easy target. You remind them that people are watching. 

- You also remind the victim that they are not alone and might “un-freeze” them. They may feel powerless. By offering conversation, you place the power back in their hands. 

- By offering friendly conversation, you indirectly offer the victim a chance to say what they need now (someone who will walk them to a different seat, someone to alert security, a phone to call their parents or a friend so they can pick them up from the train station etc)… without putting them on the spot by directly asking them. 

With all my love,