Diary of Repentance And Last Words

The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the endless skies, my love To the dark and the endless skies

The rest, never happened. Never got the chance.

I grew up listening to Mariah Carey just like a lot of people and I was OBSESSED with her. She will always be beautiful in my eyes no matter what. I have a long list of favorites of hers. She’s not only a vocalist, but a talented songwriter and producer. I genuinely do not understand the hate receives and I don’t think people give her enough credit.

I wish she would link up with David Morales again and make a house album for the gays.

In the end, I am here for it all, like track 11.

Bad Boy '98  Total, Kima, Keisha, Pam  Missy  Talk to me  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Uh, Bad Boy, Bad Boy  My mic sounds nice  Check one (ooh)  Bad Boy  My mic sounds nice  Check two

P-U-F-F, I'ma make 'em go deaf  Make you say who dat?  Them Total bitches, bad asses  Kima, Keisha and Pam, oh, shit  Goddamn it, should you cram it, or slam it  Damn right, I'ma jam it

Baby  You sure is (you sure is) somethin'  You sure is somethin' (uh, uh-huh)  See I won't (see I won't), trade you (trade you)  For nothin' (no)  See everything (see everything), you do to me  You got me trippin'  And I'm satisfied (and I'm satisfied)  And that's guaranteed (that's guaranteed)

I hope you (uh)  That you've been checkin' me (uh)  I know what you're talkin' 'bout (uh)  You got me trippin' on my own feet (uh)  You got me buggin' boy (uh)  You bring me so much joy (uh)  You got me open boy (uh)  And I'ma save my stuff for you (save my stuff for you)

I hope you (uh)  That you've been checkin' me (uh)  I know what you're talkin' 'bout (uh)  You got me trippin' on my own feet (uh)  You got me buggin' boy (uh)  You bring me so much joy (uh)  You got me open boy (uh)  And I'ma save my stuff for you (uh)

Baby, yeah (uh)  There's one thing (there's one thing), I'll mention (I'll mention)  Me and her (la-la-la-la-la-la-la)  See she's no (see she's no) competition (competition)  So tell her  That you're through with her (that you're through with her)  And you're in love with me (and you're in love with me)  And that's Totally (it's Totally, say what)  And you're dedicated (you're dedicated), to me (huh, huh)

I hope you (uh)  That you've been checkin' me (uh)  I know what you're talkin' 'bout (uh)  You got me trippin' on my own feet (uh)  You got me buggin' boy (uh)  You bring me so much joy (uh)  You got me open boy (uh)  And I'ma save my stuff for you (save my stuff)

I hope you (uh)  That you've been checkin' me (you've been checkin' me)  I know what you're talkin' 'bout (uh)  You got me trippin' on my own feet (yeah, yeah)  You got me buggin' boy (uh)  You bring me so much joy (uh)  You got me open boy (uh)  And I'ma save my stuff for you (uh)

(Mmm) baby  (Mmm-mm) there's one thing  (Mmm-mm) I'll mention  (Mmm-mm) nah, nah, nah  (Mmm-mm) see she's no  (Mmm-mm) competition

I won't quit it  'Til I get it  'Til I have it  I'll admit it  I'm in love  (You got me, shit you got me)

I won't quit it  'Til I get it  'Til I have it  I'll admit it  I'm in love  (You got me, shit you got me)

Baby you know that  You got me trippin'  You see I'm open  Baby I'm open  Baby you know that  You got me trippin'  You see I'm open  Baby I'm open

I hope you  That you've been checkin' me  I know what you're talkin' 'bout  You got me trippin' on my own feet (uh)  You got me buggin' boy  You bring me so much joy  You got me open boy  And I'ma save my stuff for you

I've been watchin' you from afar  For as long as I can remember  You're all a real man can need  And ever ask for  This is love, girl  This is more than a crush  Yeah

It was Harlem at the Ruckers, I saw with your man  Smilin', huh, a Coach bag in your hand  I was layin' in the coupe with my hat turned back  We caught eyes for a moment, and that was that  So I skated off, as you strolled off  Lookin' at them legs, god-damn they looked so soft (so fine)  I gotta take ya from your man that's my mission  If his love is real, he got ta handle competition  You only knew him five months (that's right)  Besides, he drinks too much and smoke too many blunts

And I be workin' out everyday thinkin' 'bout you  Looking at my own eyes in the rearview  Catchin' flashbacks of our eye contact  Wish I could lay ya on your stomach and caress your back  I would hold ya in my arms and ease your fears  I can't believe it, I hadn't had a crush in years  Hey lover

Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush

I see you at the bus stop waitin' everyday  Your man must think it's safe for you to travel that way  But I don't want ta violate your relationship  So I lay back in the cut with a crush that's a trip  Still, he can't stop me from having daydreams  Tonguin' you down with, uh, vanilla ice cream  Kissing on your thighs in the moonlight  Searchin' your body with my tongue, girl, all night

I wonder one day could it be (how I wonder), simple dreams turnin' into reality  Our love would come down so naturally  We would walk down the aisle of destiny  What your man got his hustle on gotcha type scared  Break ya off a little chump change to do your hair  That seems to be enough to satisfy your needs  But there's a deeper level if you just follow my lead  Hey lover

Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush

Last week I saw ya at the mall  Standin' at the pay phone 'bout to make a call  I had a vision it was me on the other end  Tellin' you come by and then you walked in  I touched you gently with my hands  We talked about travelin' the distant lands  Escapin' all the madness out here in the world  Becomin' my wife, no longer my girl  Then, you let your dress fall down to the floor  I kissed you softly and you yearned for more

We experienced pleasure unparallel  Into an ocean of love, we both fell  Swimmin' in the timeless, currents of pure bliss  Fantasies interchangin' with each kiss  Undyin' passion unities our souls  Together we swim until the point of no control, but  It's a fantasy it (that, you) won't come true  We never even spoke, and your man swear he love you  So I'm a keep all these feelin's inside (that's right)  Keep my dreams alive until the right time

Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover (check it), this is more than a crush (think of me)

Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush  Lover, hey lover, baby this is more than a crush  Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush (ain't nothing like a fantasy kid) (word up)

[DMX] There we go, okay, okay Don't do me Greasy, okay Uh, ay yo You know what a dog needs Do you really know what a dog needs? Uh a dog needs a grrr! What? What? A dog needs a grrr! Come on Not just any uh but a real uh That's gonna hold that dog down Arf! Arf!

Baby I am what I am, I'm gon' be who I be Everything from chasing a cat to p***** on a tree Let me see what I gotta to see Do what I gotta to do Dog for life but keep it true Every once in a while I'll break out the backyard to roam And get reckless But I still know that home is home And when I get there I'mma sit there Take a s*** there put my d*** there Do I handle my business? S*** yeah I'mma run till I bust my gun and empty the clip Never come home, I gotta go just gimme the whip I ain't got time for the lip Just open the fence Let me go I'll come back I ain't got time to convince Ever since I was a pup I've been stuck with the street s*** Keep the heat s*** F*** it n**** gotta eat I past on a weak s*** If it's out there I want it All at one time So when it's my time I've done it

[Aaliyah] I know you'll kill for me You'll die you me I know you like to rip and run the streets But I get nervous sometimes Ooh baby I can't help to think You might not make it home to eat I barely sleep Could you pick up a phone and call me at home? And let me know you ain't in some heat And don't go crying, you're grown You know I'm looking out for you Cause you be looking out for me, me, me[Chorus] Yo you can go with your dogs If you make this promise to me You make it back in one piece So you can go with your dogs If you make this promise to me You make it back in one piece 'Fore you go betting it all If you make this promise to me You make it back in one piece I know you up in it all If you make this promise to me You make it back in one piece

[Aaliyah (DMX)] And oh boy I know you got to do what you do, ooh-ooh You're making moves, I'm makin' moves yo we cool (What? What? What?) Lay on your paws I got your back if you fall, hey-hey Nothing's to big, nothing's to small just go ball, yeah

[DMX] Uh dog tags around my neck the streets are mine I might leave the heat behind Cause in the streets I'm fine That's why n***** sleep till nine Out by ten back by ten Sleep till nine do it again If you love something let it go If it comes back to you it yours If it doesn't f*** it you'll never know You got me I got you, uh Dog with a dog, ride till we die If it's on then it's on

Love it, baby, love it, baby, love it, baby  Love it, baby, love it, baby, love it, baby  Love it, baby, love it, baby, love it, baby  Love it, baby, love it, baby, love it, baby

Baby, you don't know what you do to me  Between me and you, I feel a chemistry  I won't let no one come and take your place  'Cause the love you give, it can't be replaced

See, no one else love me like you do  That's why I don't mind to spend my life with you  I wanna please you in any way I can  I wanna share my world, don't you understand?

Your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on (on and on)  You give me a really good feelin'  All day long

Your love is a one in a million (oh)  It goes on and on and on  You give me a really good feelin'  All day long

Turn me inside out, make my heart speak  Need no one else, you're all I need  Personality in everything you do (do)  Makes me love, everything 'bout you  Your smile, your style, is so fly, I can't deny  I got a crush on you, and that is true indeed  And I'm digging you, you make me believe

That your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on (on and on)  You give me a really good feelin' (oh, yes, you do)  All day long

Your love is a one in a million (your love)  It goes on and on and on (hoo-ooh)  You give me a really good feelin' (oh)  All day long

I'll give you anything you want from me  Anything you want, anything you need  Anything your soul desire (hoo)  I'll give you anything you want from me  Anything you want, anything you need  Anything your soul desires  Anything, 'cause

Your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on (on and on)  You give me a really good feelin' (you give me baby, yeah)  All day long

Your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on (on and on)  You give me a really good feelin'  All day long

Your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on  You give me a really good feelin'  All day long

Your love is a one in a million  It goes on and on and on  You give me a really good feelin'  All day long (baby)

I've seen Soundgarden live 3x and was set to see them again in Denver, a performance after their Detroit tour date. It never came to be.

I miss this dude so much. I love his voice.

I stopped smoking in 2020.

I stopped eating bars in 2023.

I stopped eating edibles in 2023.

I didn't get diagnosed until my late 30's. It took a global pandemic for medical professionals to recognize symptoms of ADHD in adult women. I was told by multiple drs that I was lying about my symptoms.

It's a tale as old as time.

I am the epitome of rejection sensitive dysphoria that sometimes I think my abuse of Xanax in the past decade was probably the best thing I could've done, because it has desensitized that specific dysphoria. I am not condoning drug abuse. Xanax is a very dangerous drug that can lead to grand mal seizures and even death.

The irony is that disclosing drug abuse to your drs, may impede treatment. Dr's will with hold medication and ultimately make your treatment more difficult.

It's very interesting the cause and effect of medical philosophies of the 20th century that weren't based on scientific evidence, but instead based on cognitive biases.

It's very difficult to not be angry, because the underlying principle of medicine is the scientific method. If it were truly followed, this shouldn't have happened.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.