SYPNOSIS Where, when Aren's reputation couldn't be worse, Sunwoo helps her cope with the pressure of social media and convinces her to tell her truth.

TAGS childhood best friends to lovers!, slowburn , cheating , social media + written , comfort , romance

WARNINGS strong language , overworking , toxic social media , invasion of privacy , toxic media in general , ENGLISH IT'S NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

FEATURING heejin from artms as oc , kim sunwoo, ji changmin, choi chanhee, lee jaehyun, eric sohn, other tbz members , aespa's giselle, miyeon from idle as oc , enhypen's heeseung and more !

STATUS on going/ coming soon !

UPDATES TIME almost every friday

PROFILES protagonists!! , friends!! , others!!

CHAPTERS

01. prologue

02. jealously, jealousy

03. jichang bday !

more to come...

It was autumn at the university, and the cold wind was beginning to be felt between the campus buildings. Students hurried between classes, wearing dark coats and wool scarves. Hyunjae, with his backpack casually slung over one shoulder, walked alongside his friend Juyeon toward the cafeteria. They had just come out of a film class they both shared, and their conversation revolved around projects they wanted to work on in the coming months. However, Hyunjae’s mind was somewhat distracted.

For a few weeks now, he had noticed a figure who appeared occasionally around the campus. At first, he had only seen her from afar, near the music building, but then he began to recognize her more often. She was Myah, a music student, and for some reason, she was starting to catch his attention.

“What are you thinking about?” Juyeon asked, nudging him. “You look distracted.”

Hyunjae smiled faintly, looking down before replying.

“Nothing, I was just thinking about someone. Have you heard of Myah? She’s in the music building—I think she’s into composing or something like that.”

Juyeon frowned upon hearing the name. Before he could respond, another friend joined their walk. Kim Younghoon, a psychology student, always caught up with them after his morning class.

“Are you talking about Myah, that girl who’s always surrounded by musicians?” Younghoon asked, overhearing the conversation. “I’ve heard some things about her, not very good, to be honest.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjae asked, intrigued.

Younghoon and Juyeon exchanged a look before Younghoon continued.

“Look, I don’t want to sound like a gossip, but I’ve talked to some people in her circle and apparently, she’s pretty problematic. She’s got a reputation for being egotistical and manipulative. They say she always has to get her way, and if she doesn’t, things don’t end well for the people around her.”

Hyunjae frowned, somewhat surprised. It wasn’t the first time he had heard rumors about people at university, but he found it hard to believe someone could be as troublesome as they described.

“Egotistical?” Hyunjae asked, trying not to sound too interested. “I’ve only seen her a couple of times, she doesn’t seem that bad.”

Juyeon sighed, taking the floor. He had always been the most straightforward of the group.

“Look, Hyunjae, I know you’re probably attracted to her because she’s talented, and that’s fine, but believe me, Myah isn’t what she seems. I’ve been to parties where she was, and I’ve seen how she treats people. If she doesn’t like something, she makes it clear—and not in a nice way. She’s kind of a drama queen, and things always revolve around her.”

Younghoon nodded silently but added something more:

“Also, I’ve heard she has serious attitude problems. I’m not telling you to avoid her completely, but… if you get involved with her, just be careful. I wouldn’t want to see you in a tough situation.”

Hyunjae listened, although inside, part of him was already starting to dismiss the warnings. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his friends, but he was sure Myah wasn’t as bad as they said. He remembered the day he saw her up close for the first time. She was sitting in one of the study rooms in the music building, focused on writing something in a notebook while softly humming a melody he couldn’t quite catch. She had that captivating energy, and although he didn’t know her, there was something that drew him to her. That time, they didn’t exchange a single word, but Hyunjae felt a spark of curiosity.

Noticing Hyunjae wasn’t convinced, Juyeon let out a dry laugh.

“Hyunjae, are you listening to me? We know what you’re thinking. We’ve seen it before. It’s not just her talent that attracts you, right?” Juyeon said, raising an eyebrow. “But I warn you, it’s not a good idea.”

Hyunjae smiled, somewhat embarrassed that his friends had read him so easily. Although he still wouldn’t admit it out loud, yes, he was attracted to Myah. But Juyeon and Younghoon’s words made him hesitate, though not completely.

“It’s not that I like her,” he said, trying to sound casual. “It’s just that she seems interesting. Besides, I don’t know her well enough to judge.”

Younghoon crossed his arms and shrugged.

“Do what you want, we’re just warning you. Sometimes the people who seem the most interesting or mysterious are the ones with the most problems. And believe me, I’ve heard things from people who study with her—some don’t even want to work in a team with Myah because they say she doesn’t take criticism.”

The group arrived at the cafeteria, where they ordered their food and sat at a table near the windows. The topic of Myah lingered in the air for a moment before Younghoon changed the subject to something more trivial, probably trying to lighten the mood. However, Hyunjae’s mind was still full of thoughts about her.

Later that same day, after finishing his classes, Hyunjae decided to walk around the campus for a while. Passing by the music building again, he saw her leaving with some classmates. This time they were laughing, and Myah had a cheerful expression. She didn’t seem like the problematic person his friends had described. For a moment, he found himself wondering if the warnings were exaggerated, if maybe she was just someone misunderstood.

“Maybe I should try to get to know her better before making conclusions,” Hyunjae thought as he watched her from afar. But Juyeon and Younghoon’s warning still echoed in his mind: be careful.

Time would tell. For now, Hyunjae was determined to find out for himself who Myah really was, even if it meant stepping into uncertain territory.

Hyunjae couldn’t help but keep thinking about Myah, even after Juyeon and Younghoon’s warnings. He knew his friends cared about him, but there was something about her that attracted him, something he couldn’t ignore. For weeks, Hyunjae and Myah ran into each other several times by chance at the university—at events, in the cafeteria, or around campus—and those brief interactions only made his interest in her grow.

Finally, after several casual encounters and some conversations, Hyunjae mustered up the courage to ask her out. It was simple, almost casual, while they were both sitting on the campus café terrace.

“Hey, Myah,” Hyunjae said, pretending to be relaxed though his heart was pounding. “I was thinking… would you like to go out with me this weekend? Nothing formal, just dinner or something like that.”

Myah looked up from her coffee, wearing that enigmatic smile she always had.

“Are you asking me out, Lee Jaehyun?” she asked, her tone playful and challenging at the same time.

Hyunjae let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

“Well, yeah, I guess I am.”

Myah looked at him for a moment, as if sizing him up, then smiled genuinely—a sincere smile he hadn’t seen before.

“Alright, Jaehyun. How about this Saturday?”

Hyunjae felt relief mixed with excitement. He nodded quickly.

“Perfect. I’ll send you the details later.”

And that’s how it all began. That first date was at a small restaurant in Seoul, a quiet, discreet place they both liked. The conversation flowed easily, and Hyunjae realized that, despite everything Juyeon and Younghoon had told him, he really enjoyed being with Myah. She had an energy that captivated him, a kind of magnetism that made time fly when they were together.

Sitting at a table by the window, with soft lights illuminating the place, Myah looked radiant that night, wearing a leather jacket over a casual dress. Her style was unique—a mix of elegance and rebellion, as if she challenged everyone’s expectations with every step she took.

“I didn’t think you were the kind of guy who dates girls like me, Jaehyun,” Myah said at one point, taking a sip of wine. There was something in her tone that hinted she knew exactly what kind of rumors circulated about her.

Hyunjae shrugged, smiling.

“Girls like you? I don’t know what you mean. I just know I like spending time with you. I don’t need any other reasons than that.”

Myah looked at him with a mixture of amusement and something else he couldn’t quite figure out.

“Interesting answer,” she said, leaning slightly forward. “So, you don’t care what others say?”

Hyunjae knew she was referring to Juyeon and Younghoon, who had probably talked about her more than once. But he wasn’t going to bring it up—at least, not then.

“No, I don’t care what others think,” he answered sincerely. “I care about what I think.”

Myah smiled and looked away for a second, as if processing his answer.

“That’s… refreshing,” she finally said.

From then on, their dates became more frequent. They started seeing each other almost every weekend, whether in cafés, cinemas, or walking through the streets of Seoul. Hyunjae couldn’t deny he was falling for her. The way Myah was so free, so uninhibited, made him feel alive. She showed him a side of life he had never experienced before, one where rules and expectations mattered less than enjoying the moment.

However, there was something Hyunjae always kept secret: his friends’ warnings. He never mentioned to Myah what Juyeon and Younghoon had told him. Every time he was with her, that topic seemed irrelevant. Why ruin something that made him so happy with rumors and assumptions? He preferred to get to know her himself, without prejudice.

One afternoon, after a long walk along the Han River, they sat on a bench facing the water. The sun was beginning to set, coloring the sky with warm hues.

“You know?” Myah said, breaking the silence. “I didn’t think I’d like going out with you so much. At first, I thought you were just another college guy, but… you’re different.”

Hyunjae looked at her, surprised by her frankness.

“Different?” he asked, smiling. “In what way?”

Myah shrugged, playing with a strand of her hair.

“I don’t know. You just… don’t try to impress me, you don’t pretend to be something you’re not. You’re honest. It’s rare to find that.”

Hyunjae felt a warmth in his chest. He liked that Myah saw that in him, and although he knew she was a complex person, something about their relationship made him feel that they were okay, that what they were building was genuine.

“I guess I like being honest with you because you are too,” he said, looking directly at her.

Myah let out a small laugh and rested her head on his shoulder—an unexpected but welcome gesture.

“Maybe…” she whispered. “Maybe we should keep seeing each other.”

And so, without explicit promises or labels, Hyunjae and Myah continued seeing each other, creating their own space in the world, one where warnings and judgments from others had no place.

Spring was in full bloom in Seoul, and the city buzzed with a fresh, renewing energy. Hyunjae and Myah had been dating for months, enjoying each other’s company while exploring the city’s hidden corners. With every date, their laughter and connection deepened, and Hyunjae found himself increasingly drawn to Myah’s free and authentic personality.

One Saturday afternoon, they decided to go to a nearby park, one that Myah had mentioned as her favorite place to unwind. It was a small but charming park, filled with cherry blossoms in full bloom, covering the ground like a pink blanket. Sunlight filtered through the branches, creating an almost magical atmosphere.

They settled on a blanket they had brought, sitting among the gently falling petals. Myah pulled out some snacks and began sharing them with Hyunjae.

“Look, these are the best gimbap you’ll ever taste,” she said, offering him a piece with a smile.

“If you say so,” he replied, taking the bite and enjoying the mix of flavors. “You know I love eating whatever you pick.”

Myah smiled with satisfaction. As they ate, they caught up on their weeks: she talked about essays and new lyrics she had written, while Hyunjae shared about his film projects and the search for new ideas for his short films. The conversation flowed naturally, as if they had been lifelong friends.

After a while, as the sun began to set, Myah lay back on the blanket, gazing at the sky. Hyunjae watched her, feeling a mixture of admiration and affection. It was in moments like these that he realized his feelings for her had grown beyond mere attraction. There was something deep, something that made him want to be more than just a friend.

With his heart beating in his chest, Hyunjae decided it was the right time. He had to be honest with Myah about how he felt, even though a small part of him was nervous. He turned to face her.

“Myah,” he began, his voice more serious than usual.

She turned to look at him, curious.

“Yes? What’s up?”

“I want to talk about us,” Hyunjae said, swallowing his nervousness. His hands fiddled with the blanket. “It’s been a while since we started dating, and… I’d like to know what you think about all this.”

Myah furrowed her brow, as if considering his words. The air between them thickened with anticipation.

“Do you mean that we’re dating, or something more?” she asked, her voice a little softer.

“Something more.” Hyunjae took a deep breath, searching for the right way to express what he felt. “I like spending time with you, and I like how you make me feel. I’ve been thinking… I think I’m falling in love with you, Myah.”

The words hung in the air, and Hyunjae’s heart pounded as he waited for her response. Myah looked at him, surprised, her eyes shining with a mix of emotions.

“Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way,” she said, clearly impressed. Then she smiled, though there was some nervousness in her expression. “But don’t you think this is a bit rushed?”

“Maybe, but I don’t want what we have to be misunderstood. I don’t want it to just stay as aimless dates. I want to know if you’d be willing to be my girlfriend.” Hyunjae felt sincerity give him strength and continued, “I want to be someone important to you, like you are to me.”

Myah studied him closely, and he felt time stand still. He knew their relationship was unique, but he also understood her life was complicated. Still, there was something in her gaze that gave him hope.

“I like what we’ve built together,” Myah finally replied, her voice firmer. “I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship right now, but… I love being with you, and I think we could try.”

Hyunjae breathed a sigh of relief at her words. The look they shared at that moment said it all: there was something genuine between them.

“So then…?” he asked, a smile beginning to form on his face.

“Yes.” Myah smiled back, and the sunset light illuminated her face. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

Hyunjae felt a weight lift from his shoulders as he looked at her. In that instant, everything that had passed between them made sense. The closeness, the laughter, the vulnerable moments—all had led to this point.

“Awesome. So…,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement, “now I have an amazing girlfriend.”

“And I have a lucky boyfriend,” Myah replied, leaning in to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

They stayed there in the park, surrounded by cherry blossoms and the gentle whisper of the wind. With a renewed feeling, they both knew they were ready to explore together what it meant to be a couple, no matter what the future held.

It was a bright and warm afternoon when Hyunjae met up with his friends at a small café near campus. He had been eagerly looking forward to this moment, wanting to share some news that had changed his world in recent weeks. His relationship with Myah had become more intense and meaningful, and he couldn’t wait to tell Juyeon, Younghoon, Changmin, and Chanhee about his new status as a couple.

When he walked into the café, his eyes lit up seeing his friends sitting around a table. Juyeon had a steaming cup of coffee in front of him, while Younghoon was reviewing some notes on his laptop. Changmin and Chanhee were animatedly discussing their latest photography project.

“Hey, guys!” Hyunjae greeted them, approaching the table with a smile he couldn’t hide.

“Hyunjae!” Juyeon exclaimed, looking up from his coffee. “Finally! We were about to send you a message.”

“Yeah, we were just talking about how you’ve been MIA lately,” added Younghoon with a smile.

“How are things with Myah?” Chanhee asked, leaning forward with interest.

Hyunjae sat down, feeling the excitement bubbling inside him. He knew this was the right moment to share what he had been holding back.

“Actually, I have something important to tell you,” he said, his eyes shining. “Myah and I… we’re officially dating. She’s my girlfriend now.”

The café fell silent for a moment, then reactions came all at once. Juyeon was the first to speak, his expression shifting from surprise to disbelief.

“Seriously?” he asked, frowning. “You know what they say about her, right?”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those who believe those rumors too,” Younghoon interrupted, though his voice carried a tone of concern. “We’ve talked about this before, Hyunjae.”

Changmin shrugged, though he seemed less intense.

“Personally, I don’t know her that well, but... I’ve heard her name around campus. There are things that don’t sound good.”

Chanhee frowned as he took a sip of his drink.

“What I mean is, she’s a complicated girl. We all know that. Why haven’t you looked at someone else?”

Hyunjae felt a sharp pang of irritation in his chest. He couldn’t believe that instead of celebrating his relationship, his friends seemed more worried about what people said about Myah than about how he felt.

“Guys, it’s not fair to talk about her like that,” Hyunjae kept his calm, though his voice rose slightly. “I like Myah. It’s not always about what others say.”

“But it’s for your own good,” Juyeon insisted. “We know you’re a good guy and don’t want you to get hurt.”

Younghoon nodded, backing Juyeon up.

“Yeah, the last thing we want is for you to end up hurt. She has a reputation.”

Frustration started to take hold of Hyunjae. The way they talked about Myah as if she were someone to stay away from made him uncomfortable.

“What if she’s different?” he said, defending his point. “I know her better than you think. She’s fun, creative, and she makes me feel good.”

At that moment, while his friends continued the conversation, Myah was nearby, unbeknownst to them. She had come to the café looking for a quiet place to think, and upon hearing Hyunjae’s name, she moved a little closer, curious about what was happening. She didn’t want to interrupt but couldn’t help overhearing the words from his friends.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Hyunjae,” Chanhee said. “She has a way about her that’s sometimes a bit... risky.”

“And you don’t need that right now,” Changmin added, his tone serious. “You’re working hard on your career. Don’t get distracted by something that could become problematic.”

Myah felt a knot form in her stomach. That conversation made her uncomfortable and reminded her of what Juyeon had said in the past, the things she had heard from others about her. She knew people saw her as problematic, but she didn’t think it was fair for those rumors to reach Hyunjae.

She heard Hyunjae again, trying to stay calm.

“I’m not trying to ignore their warnings, but I think I can handle my life. Myah makes me happy, and that’s what matters. I can’t let rumors influence my decisions.”

“Sure, but we also have to be realistic,” Juyeon insisted. “If she’s problematic, there’s a reason people say that. I care about you, man, and I don’t want to see you suffer.”

“No one’s telling you not to date her, just to think about the consequences,” Younghoon added. “It might be fun now, but later it could get complicated.”

Myah felt a sting of resentment in her heart. The way they talked about her as if she wasn’t there made her feel like a research subject rather than a person. She decided it was best to step back and not interrupt the conversation, even though their words weighed heavily on her mind.

“Sometimes I think you’re too protective,” Hyunjae said, shaking his head. “I’m not a kid. I can make my own decisions.”

At that moment, Myah realized there was a line she didn’t want to cross. She didn’t want to become the center of a debate. She decided it was best to leave the café before things got more uncomfortable. However, as she turned to leave, she heard Hyunjae speak again.

“I like Myah. I know her, and I want to give her a chance. I hope you can understand that,” he said, his voice firm and determined.

“I just want you to be aware of what might happen. And if you ever need to talk about it...” Changmin began but was interrupted by Hyunjae.

“I get it, but I really wish that instead of talking about her like that, you’d try to get to know her. Not everything said about her is true.”

Hearing those words, Myah felt a mix of gratitude and sadness. She appreciated that Hyunjae defended her but also felt hurt by his friends’ lack of understanding. Sometimes, rumors were more damaging than the truth.

As she walked away from the café, she felt overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions. She didn’t want others’ opinions to affect her relationship with Hyunjae, but it was hard to ignore what she had heard. Resentment toward Hyunjae’s friends began to build, and she wondered if she could truly trust them.

Stepping outside, the fresh air gave her some relief, but Juyeon’s and the others’ words echoed in her mind. She stopped at a corner, feeling the need to clear her thoughts. She looked around, watching couples pass by and groups of friends laughing and enjoying the day. Her heart felt heavy.

Suddenly, she decided she couldn’t let that affect her. She had to focus on her relationship with Hyunjae and what they had built together. She needed to be strong and prove she was more than what others said. With that determination, she walked away, determined not to let others’ opinions discourage her.

Meanwhile, back at the café, the conversation continued.

“I hope he knows what he’s doing,” Chanhee said, looking at Hyunjae. “I wouldn’t want to see you hurt, man.”

“If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that things aren’t always what they seem,” Younghoon said, his tone serious.

Hyunjae felt some of his enthusiasm fade, but he didn’t want his friends to discourage him. He knew there were risks, but he also felt he had to give Myah a chance. No matter what they said, his connection with her was real.

“Just let me enjoy this, please. I don’t need protection from something that hasn’t happened,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

Juyeon nodded, though with a worried expression.

“Alright. But remember, we’re here if you need to talk. We’ll always support you, Hyunjae.”

The conversation drifted to other topics, but deep down, Hyunjae knew his friends were worried. Despite his defense…

You were three months away from your departure to Los Angeles, the place where you obtained a scholarship for the next year of university, after you noticed nothing worked your way anymore here. Your excuse of a relationship ended a few months ago after it proved to be a waste of your time as you unfortunately weren’t the only person in your ex partner’s life (and it shouldn’t have been such a big deal, because you were just trying to get over someone, yet the someone in question was the one to comfort you after you found out you were being cheated on). The café you worked at was suddenly closed due to your manager’s fraud, and your landlord decided she wanted to sell the apartment you were living in—hence, you were now crashing either Sunwoo’s or Eric’s place with tears on your face and a generous ice cream box in your lap. You practically couldn’t lose anything else; your world was already crashing as it was. You were one season away from starting a new life and forgetting every moment you lived here—if only Cupid didn’t have other plans for you.

“Yn, I got us the tickets!” Sunwoo said, flicking the three paper pieces in front of you as he handed you some tissues to wipe your tears—he assumed you couldn’t even see him clearly with the number of droplets sitting at the corner of your eyes.

You looked at him through heavy lids, giving him a small, though honest smile. He promised you he would get the three of you tickets to a summer festival you really wanted to go to, and despite losing faith in mostly everything, his little gesture made you smile.

“My friends managed to get ‘em too, so it’s gonna be around thirteen people, including me, you, and Eric,” he winked, making you frown.

Despite wanting to tell him not to plan anything stupid, you could only nod at his words, getting off the bed and going to give yourself a little refresh as you really felt horrible. For a moment, you wondered what made you agree to spend your summer like this—traveling with Sunwoo and Eric and creating memories that would probably haunt you in LA—but they were your childhood friends, and it was the least you could do for them before leaving. You remembered the way Eric cried for two days straight when you told him you were leaving, the memory making you chuckle as much as it pained your heart. The two boys held a very special place in your heart, especially Eric, as he was your partner in crime, your kindergarten boyfriend, and the guy you literally promised to marry if you two weren’t dating anyone by your twenties. What made you leave when you had him?

You never believed he was actually being for real when he told you he would risk it all for you.

You and Eric were aware of your feelings for each other, but the pressure of losing everything that bloomed between the two of you made you choose to remain friends, despite wanting nothing more than to kiss each other every time you met. You thought you were doing great, being in love with your ex and slowly forgetting about him—yet your past relationship did nothing but push you back into the arms of the man you were trying to run from.

Eric didn’t handle it any better than you—he spent nights crying every time he saw the love your eyes held, knowing damn well that love wasn’t meant for him. He’s sure he could do better than hurt the love of his life ever since he was a kid—yet the fear of losing you completely made him say yes to your proposal of being only friends. And what now? He was going to lose you anyway—and instead of being happy whenever he saw you, his eyes held nothing but regret and sorrow.

The festival was in a week, but the boys and their friends decided that a longer stay at the seaside wouldn’t hurt anybody—hence you were stepping into the summer house you all rented for about two weeks. You and Sunwoo were almost the last to arrive, leaving later than everybody else so that, according to his wise words, you two won’t seem too desperate to be there. He quickly introduced you to his friends—Hyunjae, Sangyeon and Jacob, who you were pretty familiar with as they were your seniors in university. Also, Jacob, Chanhee, and Changmin, whom you accidentally saw in Sunwoo’s apartment while you were FaceTiming him when he needed company for the sleepover preparations. Juyeon, Kevin and Younghoon were totally new faces for you. That made only twelve of you though, but you supposed the last one was on his way.

“So you are the unpopular friend who’s leaving for Los Angeles, right?” Sangyeon approached you with a friendly smile, watching you nod at him.

“Stop mentioning it, for God’s sake! Eric is gonna cry if he hears this one more time,” Sunwoo sighed, warning the boys in advance.

“Eric is not here yet though,” Hyunjae replied, flashing you the same friendly smile.

“Why is he taking so long?” Sunwoo whined, wanting to finally have everyone settled down so he could rest.

A pang of worry nibbled at the back of your mind as you feared the boy could have gotten into an accident or something, the others noticing your change of demeanour as well. Younghoon opened his mouth to say something, but when the door opened, revealing the handsome black-haired boy, he gave up quickly and you let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re finally here!” Sunwoo squealed, not even letting the poor boy take his shoes off as he went to hug him.

As much as Eric seemed to go into Sunwoo’s direction, arms open to receive his hug, he walked right past the now shocked boy, hugging you tight.

“Sorry for taking so long. The queue at the store was crazy,” he smiled innocently, one arm still looped around your waist as he pointed to the supplies he had bought.

“Oh, by the way,” Haknyeon started, an innocent smile on his face, “Since you guys were the last to make it here, we already chose our rooms, so the three of you are going to share the biggest one.”

Sunwoo let out an exasperated sigh as he took his luggage, going straight to your assigned room. Eric looked at you and shrugged defensively, hiding his happiness when you rolled your eyes, aiming for your luggage, not expecting him to do the same thing. The moment you felt his skin on yours, you looked down immediately to see your hands touching, both holding on the handle of your luggage for dear life.

“Sorry, I—I thought you might need some help with this,” he said quickly, and you slowly let go of the luggage, watching him take both yours and his baggage effortlessly into your room.

You swore you could see a hint of blush on his cheeks, and to be fair, you were scared of your image as the butterflies in your stomach started dancing again.

A few hours passed, which meant everyone had time to rest and freshen up. You were slowly rocking yourself on the swing outside, the cold breeze of the wind making you shiver as you wore a floral summer dress. You wanted to go back and dress in something warmer when you felt a warm material on your shoulders, looking behind you to see Eric cover you with his blouse, a small smile adorning his face.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?” Eric asked, sitting next to you on the swing, making it move lightly.

You, you wanted to say, but you chose to gulp the word away and look at the sunset instead: “Nothing in particular.”

You adore Eric. You think it was bound to happen at one point, but you wanted to curse at yourself for how stupid you were. The what ifs floating inside of your mind were driving you crazy, always thinking of what could have been if you had just gone with the flow and dated Eric. You were also wondering why he kept pinning after you when he was supposed to hate you—but he was different. He was the one who took care of you, letting you cry on his shoulder and stain his shirts with your pain as he struggled to hold his own tears, constantly telling you that you were strong and that you deserved so much better. You and Eric were always attached at the hip, leaving everyone who didn’t know you speechless when you told him you were, in fact, not dating.

On the other side, Eric was overwhelmed. He was so consumed by how to make things work, walking on barbed wire as he counted the days ‘till your departure. You two were idiots in love who chose to give your love to other people instead of admitting you had feelings for each other—but it was the cruel reality he had to get used to.

“I’m cold, but I don’t want to go inside yet,” you mumbled, and you immediately felt Eric’s hands wrap around your waist, making you prop yourself up on his chest.

And oh, how happy you were you weren’t facing him, because you didn’t want him to see your crimson painted cheeks and the way a smile made its way on your face.

“Chanhee asked me if we were dating,” he chuckled bitterly, twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers.

In fact, talking to Chanhee and Changmin might have led a path for him, he was just waiting for the right moment…

During the trip, all you and Eric did was become closer under the witnessing eyes of everyone else. The day of the festival was finally there, and you had just finished getting yourself ready when Sunwoo knocked at your door.

“You look pretty,” he smiled softly, hoping you could see yourself the same way he and Eric did. “Eric’s done too, so you two can wait for us on the swing.”

You gave him a short hug and made your way downstairs, watching as Eric kept arranging his hair in the mirror and announcing your presence with a giggle.

“Hi, handsome,” you said, going behind him and fixing a rebel strand of his hair.

“You think I’m handsome?” he asked, his boba eyes a bit bigger than usual as he waited for your answer.

Instead of giving him a straight answer, you kissed his cheek. “Eric, let’s date.”

The poor boy choked. Was his hearing deceveing him?

“What has gotten into you?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for too long, Eric. We denied our love for so long, and I’m gonna leave soon anyway. Let’s make it work for just these three months. Let’s see what this season has for us.”

You said all of that in one breath, pausing to catch it as you let Eric digest what you just told him, though all you got was silence.

“Eric, of course, only if you still like me—”

You were interrupted by a pair of soft lips on yours. He kissed you delicately, one hand going to your waist while the other made its way to your cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb as he pulled you closer. He wanted to remember how your lips tasted, how they felt against his—he didn’t want to forget you. It felt crazy to agree to this, feeling like he was signing for his death sentence at his own risk, blown away by your cruelty—but he enjoyed the thrill. Because, maybe he was destined to spend only one season with you, disguising his pain into happiness just to be able to call you his. Even if it was for a short time.

“We are read—oh my God, I’m so sorry!” you heard Kevin scream as the first thing he saw was your kissing session, giving you a reality check as you pushed Eric away.

The night of the festival was one of the most beautiful moments you have ever experienced. You kissed Eric under the fireworks, the loud EDM music cheering on the two of you along with the ten boys (because, apparently, everyone noticed your affinity for each other). You danced together, and it made you feel happier than you’ve ever been in any of your past relationships. It also made you sad because why now when it was too late and you would have to leave him behind along with all the memories, forcing yourself into an unwanted amnesia.

“Are you okay, pretty girl?” he raised his voice so he could be heard through the loud music, making you nod and kiss his cheek.

Maybe you just had to let loose; have your last moments of glory before you would leave everything behind.

That summer was both the most precious and the most heartbreaking one, all at once. You and Eric visited Paris together, celebrating your love as you shared sweet kisses in front of the Eiffel Tower. You sealed your love lock against the Pont des Arts, celebrating the relationship you ran from for so long. You spent your nights laughing on the balcony of your hotel rooms (until your neighbours started complaining that you were bothering their sleep), talking until you could feel the rays of sunshine rise above you, kissing until both of you would be left with no air, becoming each other’s oxygen.

All these memories were bringing tears to your eyes as you were waiting for your departure, counting the minutes ‘till you had to leave the airport and soon enough, the country.

It has been six months since you broke off any contact with your friends, with him. You tried your best to get over him, but you just couldn’t. The guilt of not even telling them when you would leave so they could bid their goodbye to you was pressing painfully at your heart—and you were quite sure this wasn’t what your new life was supposed to be. Your non-stop overthinking must have led you to the most impulsive thoughts, even begging for a wonder that would make you forget it all and ease your pain—but, pushed by the longing of the memories you simply couldn’t forget, you took your laptop and started browsing the net.

Eric still found himself crying in Sunwoo’s arms, wondering why you had to leave like that, why you had to cut him off, even after he swore he could make it work for you. Maybe he was stupid for believing that a summer spent with you would give him the closure that he needed—because it only left a deep wound in his heart as all he could think about was you. He would find himself whispering your name in his sleep, his hands naturally searching for your body so that he could hug you—but it was all in vain.

“Someone’s at the door, I’ll be right back. Wipe your nose,” Sunwoo said softly to his friend, patting his back as Eric nodded and took the napkin from his friend’s hand.

The eldest let out a high-pitched scream as he saw who was in front of his door, dropping everything to welcome the special guest properly.

“Sohn Youngjae, come downstairs! NOW!” He commanded, and Eric felt a piercing pain in his ears at the older’s scream.

He was sure he looked way too bad to be in everyone’s proximity right now—but when he saw you standing in front of the door, dragging your luggage after you, he forgot about it all.

“Remember me?” you asked innocently, looking at Eric with tears in your eyes.

He came straight to you and hugged you tight, making you wrap your legs around his waist before he started spinning the both of you, tears streaming down both your and his face.

“Did you really come back?” he asked, pressing your foreheads together, lips hovering over yours just enough to tease you.

“Guess I couldn’t leave you, after all.”

You still didn’t know how his heart could hold so much kindness—you were expecting him to not even want to see you, yet, despite all the pain you caused each other, you were in each other’s arms again. You pressed your lips against his, bringing him closer to you by his nape as he found himself melting at the touch. He deepened the kiss (forgetting about Sunwoo, who was pretty bamboozled at the sight), squeezing your hips and tilting your heads so that he could taste all of you after so much time.

“Guys, I am still—” Sunwoo tried to remind you, but Eric raised one hand to prevent the older one from talking. “And to think I was wiping his nose earlier…” he sighs defeatedly, watching as Eric took the two of you upstairs, still holding you close to him.

It took you long enough to realise that home was in your boyfriend’s arms, holding enough power to stitch your wounds and heal them with his love for you. The memories were holding onto you for dear life, your forced amnesia having nothing on you as the only place that could bring you happiness was where your hearts united, sealing a relationship full of love, floating around you wherever you were.

i said that i wasn't going to post any sunwoo for a while after writing 27k for him but...sunwoo driving. yeah. that was...the inspiration- also my first time writing in this format hehe~

Best friend Sunwoo who loves to drive you everywhere without complaints

Best friend Sunwoo who doesn’t let you take the public transport, especially if he’s available to drive you

Best friend Sunwoo who responds with “You can sleep in the car more comfortably than in the bus”, and admittedly, he’s right; you keep oversleeping and missing your stop anyway

Best friend Sunwoo who won’t let you pay for fuel or a cup of tea to repay his hard work, and instead always replying with “I’ll tell you how to repay me when I have an idea.”

Best friend Sunwoo who feels his heart beating rapidly against his chest whenever he parks outside your house and waits for you

Best friend Sunwoo who always blushes and has a whole body malfunction whenever he sees you

Best friend Sunwoo who stares at you for way too long, even if your outfit is just a hoodie and sweatpants

Best friend Sunwoo who always has a stash of plushies, blankets, snacks and jackets for you to use

Best friend Sunwoo who makes the lightest of turns and breaks as gently as possible to not stir you awake

Best friend Sunwoo who blushes at your sleeping figure, adjusting the jacket or blanket on your body, or catches glances at your excited self as you sing your heart out with him

Best friend Sunwoo who always think about taking the longest way to the destination to spend more time with you

Best friend Sunwoo who asks when your event ends so that he could pick you up; and would pout if you said you had a ride home

Best friend Sunwoo who drives home alone and commits to finally telling you how he feels about you 

Best friend Sunwoo who spends the rest of the day getting gifts, decorating his car and wiping his nervous, sweaty palms on the fabric of his pants

Best friend Sunwoo who gets a text saying that you’re home safe and sound, and replying with “Can I come over for a bit?”

Best friend Sunwoo who never knew that a drive to your house could be filled with so much nervousness

Best friend Sunwoo whose eyes widens at the sight of you walking aimlessly outside your house in the cold weather, eyes beaming at the sight of him

Best friend Sunwoo who scolds you for not waiting inside to which you defend yourself with, “No. I wanted to be here as soon as you arrive.”

Best friend Sunwoo who feels like he could faint at any moment as you ask him what’s wrong and why he asked to meet you all of a sudden

Best friend Sunwoo who doesn’t say a word, takes your hand into his and opens the car door for you

Best friend Sunwoo who sees the way the corner of your lips rises with his gesture, eyes exploring the plushies and flowers whilst looking at him with slightly knitted brows

Best friend Sunwoo who rehearsed his confession but his mind goes blank at the sight of you. Rapid words comes out instead, “I love you not as a best friend but as a person and you’re just so amazing and beautiful and you’re the best part of my day and whenever I don’t see you I miss you and when I do see you, I still miss you anyway and I just want to hold hands with you and-”

Best friend Sunwoo who stops his rambling when you press your lips on his cheek. “You’re the cutest, Kim Sunwoo. I love you too.”

Boyfriend Sunwoo who cups the side of your face soothingly, guiding his lips to yours. He’s smiling when your lips meet and you held onto his wrist to steady your heartbeat

Boyfriend Sunwoo who asks you for a night drive only for you to pout at him and tell him you had plans that you didn’t tell him about because you felt bad about him always dropping you off

Boyfriend Sunwoo who says, “Okay, you can repay me all those rides by going on a date with me tomorrow after your plans.”

Boyfriend Sunwoo who kisses your contemplations away, resting his forehead against yours. “Okay,” you feel your face heating up.

Satisfied boyfriend Sunwoo who pulls you into a tight, warm hug. “I’ll take you there. To your plans and the date.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 the boyz masterlist

"first of all- is it even your own?"

you stood in the hallway outside your front door, leaving your dad's question unanswered. he didn't need to see your guilty expression on facetime to know the real reason why you were calling, he can hear it in your voice.

"don't tell me you just broke someone else's door on the third day you moved in."

"it was the next door neighbor's..." you muttered so quietly you could've sworn you said it in your head.

looking at it, the damage could not be described as major in any way, but it wasn't small enough to be overlooked. if the door was hit with a force a tad bit stronger, the chipped panel could have been a hole instead. 

"honey, what's your plan?" this time, your mom spoke on the line. you turned your head left and right, scanning for other residents walking on your floor. 

you can always walk away and act like nothing happened. but the moment you got closer to examine the dent and saw it was bigger than your hand, it was over. you can't walk away now.

"i have to tell my neighbor-"

"-that wasn't the first thing you did?" your dad interrupted, causing you to flinch at his volume.

"whatever- it'll be fine. i'll take care of it," you brushed off your parents’ nagging and pushed your moving cart in your apartment before closing the door. you quickly said goodbye and hung up the phone. 

the five steps you had to take to reach the next apartment felt heavier than usual. you brought your hand up to knock, then stopped. knowing how heavy your cart was, you wondered why he didn’t hear it. you were sure that the crash was loud enough to have alerted your neighbor, eric. 

eric sohn. the one with kind eyes and cute smile. strong build and confident air. the type to charm someone within a few seconds of meeting them, obviously, speaking from experience. 

on your first meeting, eric was wearing a plain black tee and tan cargo pants. he didn’t need to know you’re a sucker for his black-rimmed glasses or the way he brushed his hair, damp with sweat after working out. 

he was walking towards his unit when he saw you bringing in a few luggages, taking one of his airpods out his ear and starting a conversation. you had to check your expression before letting him know your surprise upon seeing him punch his pin code next door.

eric looked over your unit number, “405, right? let me know if you need anything, i’ll be right here,” he pointed at the sign.

unfortunately, you haven’t had another chance to interact with him since you exchanged greetings to apologize for the noise you’re making while moving-in. now, you’re standing in front of the very same sign, debating whether it was too late to run away. 

“out of all the reasons why i would be knocking…” you mumbled.

it only took you two knocks before he opened the door. you were able to say the word “hi” before freezing in place, your mouth agape in awe. eric was in the middle of putting on his shirt with a towel across his shoulder. he’s drying his wet hair while greeting you back, fresh out the shower.

“-wasn’t sure if i was hearing things.. i’m sorry, i was in the shower,” he explained. 

i can tell, you said to yourself, trying to peel your gaze from his face. 

droplets of water fell from a few strands of hair in front of his forehead. suddenly, you were too aware of how close you were standing when he stepped a little closer to the door and you could smell the scent of his shampoo and cologne. eric waits for a moment before asking why you were here, but inside you were wishing time would magically freeze so you can see him this close just a little longer.

“oh- uhm.. i accidentally hit your door with my cart and now there’s a crack on it,” you ran your fingers through the chipped wood below the handle, “-thought we should discuss how i can pay you back or help with the repair. i’m really, really sorry.”

eric hunched down to take a closer look at the damage, “you don’t need to pay me back. it’s such a small scratch, don’t worry about it,” he smiled.

“-no, but i really feel bad. i should pay for the repair, or the materials, whatever you need…”

just as you were apologizing profusely, eric kept reassuring you that you didn’t need to do anything. his resounding laugh filled your ears as he examined the crack, assessing how deep it was and feeling the rough edges that was exposed after the crash. following his hand, you noticed the silver ring on his right pinky.

“the perks of working in construction means i do this all day and have the right contacts for everything, including who to call if your neighbor breaks your door on your second meeting,” eric teased you.

“but because you’re cute, i’ll let it slide this time.”

you rolled your eyes, feeling a sense of relief when he threw you off with humor and trying not to freak out about the fact he was flirting. he goes on to say the repair would be quick and easy, something he can take care of so you can focus on completing your move-in. 

“eric…” you pouted, not letting it go.

“y/n…” he said, copying your tone. adorable, he thought.

you tapped your foot, thinking of another way to make this even. looking back at the door, you roughly knew what needed to be bought for the repairs and thought of when you could stop by the store.

“i’ll tell you what- let’s go to the hardware store together. i’ll let you pay for the materials but promise you’ll let me do the repairs?” eric suggested as if he read your mind seconds ago. 

he held out his phone to let you save your number in his contacts and took yours to do the same. deciding when you’ll be free, you checked your calendars and agreed to meet again and go to the store in two days. 

“alright, you’ll do the repairs. great timing, i have a few things i need to pick up there too-”

“-like what, a new shower head?” he chuckled before fully processing what he had said.

your eyes widen, figuring out what he meant by knowing exactly what you needed to buy. for the past two days, you’ve been complaining about the faulty shower head to the management but only met with half-hearted excuses and delayed responses. eric closed his eyes in regret, afraid he sounded like a creep after blurting out what he noticed.

“y-your bathroom is adjacent to mine, the acoustics are great but the soundproofing is a little…” his voice trails off in the end, understanding when to stop before he says more.

“oh…” you say quietly as warmth creeps in your cheeks the more you think about what else he heard the past couple of days. 

you tried to recall if you ever put your phone on speaker when calling your best friends in the bathroom, especially because he was definitely one of the topics in one of those conversations, already earning his own nickname. 

“-kay, i’ll see you soon?” he asked. you try not to melt when he shoots you that cute smile. 

you nod, barely croaking an indistinguishable yes to respond. running inside your own apartment before he even closed his door, you felt your phone buzzing with a few notifications, messages from eric. 

that’s when you knew he definitely heard you. 

loud and clear.

hey y/n

one.. four… six… your eyes lingered on the empty glasses of beer littering your table. haknyeon is pouring the last bit of another bottle onto his drink. 

he’s sitting right next to you, something he always insisted on doing since you started seeing each other. it was a small gesture that stuck with you, not noticing how significant it was at first. 

you realized every date you’ve had always sat across the table, until him. this way, haknyeon feels warm, he feels personal, he feels close.

“stop doing that,” you whispered.

the smile plastered on his face all night only grew sweeter as the night deepened. you reached over to brush your thumb over his cheek, his nose crinkled at the ticklish sensation and the pinkish hue remained on his skin. 

oh, you’re gonna be the death of me.

“stop doing what?” he leaned in closer.

the chatter of the bustling restaurant on a saturday night was only starting to grow, but nothing was louder than the pounding of your heart. 

you closed your eyes for a second to take a deep breath before lifting them once again, greeted by haknyeon’s gaze. he lifted his eyebrows, silently repeating his question. 

“stop saying things that make me want to kiss the hell out of you.”

“is that an invitation?” haknyeon smirked.

you tried your best to put up a front before failing to hold it together. haknyeon chuckled as you rest your forehead on his left shoulder out of embarassment. he kisses the back of your hand, not letting go of it after he puts it down.

“how can you be this shy after a couple flirty comments- baby, look at me,” haknyeon lifts your intertwined hands under your chin, leaving you no choice but look at him directly, “you know- i’m only gonna get worse.”

you bit your lip, feeling a little dazed from the influence. it took a few seconds before his face finally looked crystal clear through your point of view. 

haknyeon steals a kiss from you, followed by another, leaving him with a stupid smile he can’t get rid of.

“oh god- what did i sign up for?” your mouth opens in shock. 

“it’s only the first day, might i add,” he reminds you, looking smug from the realization.

five years ago, haknyeon was barely an acquaintance. 

in university, you and haknyeon were connected through a mutual friend and you knew he was a guy whose reputation preceded him. 

known as one of the loud and mischievous ones in his friend group, haknyeon had a bright, personable character that drew people to him. 

you lost contact after graduating but thought of haknyeon from time to time while occupied with your respective relationships and careers. it was clear as day that with his charm and easygoing personality, haknyeon’s popularity was undeniable. 

that was true then and it’s still true now. 

three months ago, haknyeon accepted a job offer in your city and moved in with your coworker, ji changmin. when your paths cross once again, you two meet each other with older, yet still familiar, faces.

“y/n, you’re here!” haknyeon was excited, recognizing you at the housewarming party changmin threw for him.

“wow, i took a guess hearing his new roommate’s name.. but i mean- how are you two connected?” you looked at changmin.

“my sister married his brother.. so, we’re brothers?” 

“what a small world,” you smiled, staring at the family photos hung up on their wall.

“yeah,” haknyeon also smiled, but he was staring at you.

the man wasn’t much of a shy type but he only ever dwelled on one regret all throughout college: not ever reaching out to you. 

haknyeon hid his hesitation within his cheerful mask when he was actually riddled with worry about pursuing you, someone who didn't seem interested. 

he was convinced that life had other plans when you moved far away straight out of college, never giving you the chance to respond because he chose to be a coward.

that’s when haknyeon realized he had been given another chance when he saw you that night.

it didn’t take long for haknyeon to make the first move. 

texts turned into calls, calls turned into coffee, coffee turned into meals—he could not afford to waste his chances and his time. 

haknyeon had no plans on making his advances subtle either. his cards were on the table, carefully placed by his hand, fully displayed for you. 

the way he earnestly put the effort to see you at least once a week. the way you never had to question his intentions and feelings because his actions and words were consistent and always matched. 

the way he showed you how to love and receive love that was not transactional, without expectation nor exchange, that you could be loved simply by existing.

slowly, you grew to look at haknyeon in a different light. though at times, he was still playful like before, it was clear that his quiet confidence did all the speaking for him. 

saying no was out of the question when haknyeon finally asked you to be his.

“you’re my boyfriend,” you say to him, as if he needed the confirmation.

haknyeon nodded, his eyes softening. you feel his thumb caressing the skin at the back of your hand, squeezing him in return.

“ju haknyeon is my boyfriend,” you repeated.

“ugh- can’t get enough of hearing you say that,” he groaned.

you grinned, relating to the way his face faltered in response. 

no matter how many times you were repeating what you said, the jittery feeling brewing inside you also never waned. you moved your hand to tell him to come closer, cupping your hand over your mouth to whisper in his ear.

“my boyfriend.”

you giggled before letting out a tiny squeal when he let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around your waist—grateful that you were sitting in a booth tonight to enjoy a little bit of privacy. 

this time, you inched your face closer, keeping your eyes on his lips. he tilts his head and closed the gap between you, softly meeting your lips with his. he brought his hand up to your cheek, deepening the kiss even further, not knowing his touch was holding you together and melting you at the same exact time.

“yes. a million times- yes, i am,” he sighed.

the sky was pouring.

you sat under the bus stop, the shade above you doing little to stop the pelting rain. you wrapped your arms around yourself tightly, trying your best to keep yourself warm as the rain seeped through your clothes to no avail. you had no umbrella as you ran from your office building to the bus stop, the jacket that was supposed to keep you warm now becoming a liability.

it was late. 

you had stayed back to finish up the preparation for tomorrow’s presentation, and you had urged your teammates to leave for home first. “i’ll take care of it,” you had said, when you assured them that it was okay for them to go home.

“don’t worry about me,” you had texted eric this evening when you told him that you were going to stay back for awhile to finish up.

but now, when you sat under the bus stop and the only noise was from the pouring rain and the constant vibrations from your phone from the fifth missed call tonight, you felt so guilty. but you couldn’t bear to pick it up. 

you couldn’t bear to hear the worry in his voice.

because then he would ask you why you never picked up his calls, and you wouldn’t know how to answer. because is “i didn’t want to trouble you” a good enough answer?

after all, what’s wrong with taking the bus in the rain? what’s wrong with getting drenched if you didn’t need to ask for help? 

in the end, you could do it yourself. like always. just a little hardship. just suffer a little. at least it was you.

or maybe, you didn’t want him to see you like this. weak. when your emotions got the better of you. when you are not thinking logically like you always do. when you feel broken. when you don’t feel ’fine’ anymore. like you always was. like you always is. because then you would be a liability. a burden.

and he had already a lot on his plate.

you sighed, pressing the silent button on your phone again as you checked the time. 

what’s thirty more minutes out here in the cold anyways?

you cling to yourself even tighter, rubbing your arms as a futile attempt for warmth. your soaked jacket stuck even closer to you, as if it resented you for not going home. the rain didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon, and you tried your best to convince yourself that the chill was bearable.

you’ve had worse.

that was what you always told yourself.

you clenched your teeth as another shiver rattled through you. 

your phone vibrated again. 

eight missed calls.

you bit the inside of your cheek, willing yourself to not press the green button on your screen, to stop the tears from forming.

not now. not when you chose this. 

you blinked when you saw a pair of headlights coming towards you but you told yourself that it was just a coincidence. that the driver wouldn’t stop.

but it did.

the car screeched to a halt right in front of the bus stop and the driver’s door flew open as he ran towards you. through the storm. as if he was rushing to find you.

you stared, wide-eyed, as eric came into view. his hair was drenched, his now soaked hoodie clinging to his frame and his breathing was ragged, as if he had been running instead of driving. his eyes locked onto yours, as if only you existed in his world.

“y/n,” he called out, his voice raw, frantic even. “what are you doing?”

you opened your mouth but closed it again, as every answer you thought of was too small, too selfish.

he kneeled in front of you, his warm hands cupping your cheeks. relief flooded his face as the initial adrenaline of finding you slowly wore off. 

“you weren’t answering,” his voice cracked, and he closed his eyes for a second like it physically hurt him to say it. “i thought something happened. i was going insane.”

you found your voice again. “i’m sorry.” you whispered.

he shook his head. “no. don’t say that. just, why weren’t you picking up your phone?”

you hesitated. then quietly, honestly, you answered. “i didn’t want to trouble you.”

eric stared at you as if the words had physically punched him in the gut. his jaw clenched, a flash of anger, sadness and helplessness all at once.

“y/n,” he breathed. “you could be freezing out here. and you still think that calling me is a burden?”

you looked away, ashamed. “you’ve already so much going on and i thought… it’s just a little rain and i could get home okay.”

“you always think that.” he said bitterly, running a hand through his damp hair. “you always think that you have to go through it alone. handle it alone.”

you didn’t answer. didn’t refute. because you knew he was right. 

“i’m not just here for the good days.” he said, gentler, softer now. “i’m here for all of it. even on the days you don’t feel like yourself. or the nights where you’re soaked to the bone and too scared to ask for help. i will be always here for you.”

he cupped your face again, gently tilting your chin up to look at him. “i want to be troubled by you. whether it’s 3a.m. in the morning, or by you. whether it’s 3 a.m. in the morning, or when you’ve had a long day and just need someone to sit beside you in silence.”

“i didn’t want you to see me like this.” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

his thumbs lightly brushed over your cheeks, catching the rain, or maybe your tears. you couldn’t tell anymore.

“i would rather see you a thousand times like this than to never see you at all.”

you looked at him this time. really looked at him.

“i want to be the one you call when things feel too heavy.” he continued. “i want to be the one who shows up. not because i have to, but because i want to. and because i love you.” 

your breath hitched. this boy, who always smiled too easily, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, who never made you feel like you were too much. and he still loved you. even after everything. 

even after all the calls and texts left unanswered. even after all the times you pulled away. even after all the half-truths you told to protect him from your sadness, from the parts of you you couldn’t even bear to face yourself. even after the nights he waited up for a call that never came, or when you told him, “i’m just tired,” when really, actually, you were unraveling inside. 

he still loved you.

he was here. rain-soaked. breathless. staring at you as if you were the only thing that mattered in the world. his world.

he pulled you into his arms, his warm body a stark contrast to yours. “i want everything that comes with loving you. the good days, the bad days, the quiet parts, the stormy nights, the messy, tired pieces you try to hide. all of it.” 

and at the bottom of it all, there was no doubt in his voice. no hesitation. no pause.

you nodded, burying your face into his chest and inhaling his scent. warm, comfortable, safe. 

“let’s go home before you catch a cold, okay?” he asked softly, gently guiding you towards his car. 

the rain hadn’t stopped, but somehow it felt warmer now.

and maybe, that’s when it hit you. that love didn’t come in grand gestures. didn’t need to. sometimes it came packed with being soaking wet at a bus stop at the end of a long day and someone who refused to let you suffer alone in silence.

“Which one?” You asked, holding up a silk, black maxi dress that only hugged the top half of your body and another that hugged all of your shape but arguably showed less skin—besides the open back, of course. 

It shouldn’t have been a difficult decision, but you were having trouble deciding which one looked best—Afterall, you liked them both. And the heels you wanted to wear didn’t help by being a basic black pair that matched practically everything. You’ve even worn them casually with jeans. 

The man behind you, your boyfriend, was eyeing them through the mirror you stood in front of. You’d just finished doing your makeup and hair, actually content with how both turned out; the success was making you excited to be going out. 

You hadn’t had the chance to see friends much during the catastrophe you called balancing work and Eric—who was always busy, and when he wasn’t, was always with you. But, you had your best friend, who came over often when your boyfriend was overseas on tour or just plain busy, and occasionally you’d go out for drinks with others who reached out. Truthfully, you wouldn’t have it any other way. It was a simple life, but it was yours. 

His eyes landed on your face as he grabbed the one from your left hand: the non-silk maxi. 

“This one’s easier for me to take off,” He joked. 

“Not funny, Eric.” You side-eyed, scrunching the other in the crevasse of your elbow so it didn’t drag on the floor. “Does it look better on me than the other?” 

Throwing the dress over his shoulder, his hands found your waist, “You look good in both, but yeah,” He sighed, bringing his lips down to the skin at the nape of your neck, “It’s the open back, especially when you wear your hair up, drives me insane, you know.” 

You giggled, but relished in the way he held you against his defined body. The way he kissed your skin so gently, caressing your waist over the sleep shorts you were getting ready in. 

“Is it too…” You smirked, huffing out your nose, knowing what he was going to say before he had the chance to reply, “Modest?” 

He laughed, and your eyes rolled, “Nobody needs to know you’re a freak besides me, baby,” Eric voiced, kissing your cheek in between words and playfully looking through the mirror, “Keep up your princess act for everyone else.” 

Your hands began to tremble as you dragged the video that you had just recorded into the dropbox on the website, as you mentally battled yourself to click send. 

It shouldn’t have been too hard for you, especially when you have been doing this almost every day for the past couple of months, especially when the sender was your very own sugar daddy who had been sending you more than enough money to survive on a daily basis. 

You met Hyunjae online, and it took a while for you to accept that he’s not someone you would consider a stranger, let alone report to the authorities. Well, at least when you finally convinced him to actually send you pictures in real time to prove that he’s not lying about his true identity. 

Getting a random message from a stranger online seemed scary, but you definitely couldn’t dismiss the fact that he was willing to pay you ten times more than your part-time job at your local coffee shop downtown. You were struggling to pay for your university fees as you finally reached your last semester, and you were this close to taking on another job to pull through if you hadn’t met Hyunjae. 

What was interesting, or rather strange, was that he wanted you to record videos of yourself and send them to him weekly.

Erotic videos of yourself, to be exact.

That idea freaked you out because, for one, you had never lost your virginity, nor were you knowledgeable in conducting any of these sexual acts at all. Second, where and who were you going to go out to be able to find and convince them that you were practically planning to film an actual sex tape with? And of course, you weren’t particularly fond of posting your nude body out there on the internet for everyone to see. 

But before you could even start rejecting the male’s offer as you blabbed out all the potential things that could go wrong, he reassured you that the videos are just meant for him, and you don’t have to film them with anyone else. All you had to do was set up a camera in front of you, pleasure yourself and send the clip to him every weekend, and he would then transfer the agreed amount of money to your bank account. 

You weren’t too sure of the idea and knew from the back of your head that this all felt so wrong, but the temptation of the large sum of money he was willing to pay was too hard to resist, so you told him that you would try it out first to see. 

And he respected your decision, and reassured you that you can always back out later if this isn’t something up your alley. 

The very first time you did it, it felt awkward to say the least. Even before mustering up the courage to record yourself, you had actually gone online and done a little bit of research on what was considered doable for your first-ever sex tape for Hyunjae.

There were definitely many ones that were a little too intense for your liking, especially on your first try, so you decided to choose the most tame amongst them before you began playing out the whole scenario in your head for a couple of days.

The moment you finally recorded yourself doing the act, it felt strange yet so good. You definitely discovered many things about yourself that you didn’t know even existed, especially in certain spots where you felt a lot more sensitive than others. 

It took less than a minute for Hyunjae to reply to your message when you first sent your video to him. Instantly, a large sum of money was transferred into your bank account. Feeling satisfied with your little accomplishment, you decided to try it out a couple of times to get the feel of it. 

Eventually, a month had passed, and you gradually increased the number of times you sent videos to him. What used to be a weekly habit was reduced to sending one every 3 days, and eventually every day from the start of this month. 

Hyunjae made sure that he had an actual conversation with you as well—giving you feedback on how you could do this particular action better or even suggesting new ideas that you could potentially try out the next time. But what really intrigued you the most was his praises—and god, how much those words sounded so sweet to your ears. 

Over time, both of you began talking a lot more than just about sex, and eventually got to know more about one another as well. Hyunjae would send you random photos of his daily life through text, and you did the same with yours. Eventually, you’ve come to realise that he’s actually a pretty goofy guy who loves random cute plushies that you would come across whenever you’re out with your friends. 

There are times when he would whine and actually send you messages that definitely did not seem to have come from a grown adult like him, where he would send you multiple crying emojis and begging you to buy it for him instead.

This childish side of him was lovable, and you giggled whenever he acted in such a way, but it also turned you on when he would suddenly switch to being this cold, yet dominating side whenever you would send your little gifts to him.

As you came back from reality and finally mustered up the courage to hit send, it took him less than 10 seconds to send you back a reply. But this time, it was something that was a lot different from usual, and your eyes widen the moment you read through his messages a couple of times, just to make sure you weren’t hallucinating.

🐻: shall we meet up in person real soon? 

You immediately started panicking. Being his little sugar baby was one thing, but meeting him in person? God, how your fingers started trembling as you struggled to come up with a proper reply. 

So many questions ran through your head: what exactly will he look like in person, to if he was genuinely as nice as he was online. Part of you wanted to meet him, yet another part of you was scared and reluctant, because if there was one thing your parents had taught you well, it wasn’t always safe out there. 

But before you could even think of a response, Hyunjae immediately sent you the date and location and a rather unusual request. 

🐻: i would love to see you dress up in pink with ribbons tied neatly through your hair. 

🐻: see you then :) 

As you read through that last message a couple of times, you finally threw your phone towards your desk before plunging yourself down onto your bed—burying your face and screaming into your pillow.

Oh god, what will I do now?

The dreaded date has arrived as you stood in front of the designated hotel sent by Hyunjae a week ago. You already knew that some passersby were giving you the looks, and you weren’t too fond of that idea. Ducking your head down the whole time as you tap your feet on the ground, you constantly prayed in your head, hoping that Hyunjae wasn’t just all talk and he really was on his way to you.

Just as 20 minutes passed, you suddenly heard loud footsteps approaching towards your right, and you looked up to see the very same man you had been waiting for. As your intuition was right, he was definitely a lot more attractive in person: his dark brown hair parted towards the side as he wore a black leather jacket paired with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

When he finally stopped right in front of you while catching his breath, he quickly shoved the flowers straight towards your face, bowing down a couple of times while he was at it to apologise profusely towards you.

“I-I’m so so sorry- the train got delayed and I had to go pick up the order I made for these flowers and-” 

“Oh my god! Don’t be, I just got here not too long ago as well,” you reassured the male, but he was able to wipe off that little lie you had just made towards him.

“My dear, Y/N. You don’t have to lie to me, and I should be the one who’s all embarrassed for making a lady wait,” he grunts before running his hand through his hair. And god, did that simple action make him look hot as hell. 

As he finally composed himself, he reached out his arm towards you, signalling for you to tag along as you both finally entered the booked hotel room. “Sorry for making you wait, my princess. Shall we finally go and have some fun?”

It was then you finally realised why on earth Hyunjae wanted you to dress up the way you did for tonight. 

As you examined the room, you could see that Hyunjae had picked a themed room for both of your visits for the night. It was a dollhouse room: covered with dusty pink wallpaper with a few toys that would satisfy the occupants of this room.

You already knew that you both were going to go down with some kinky shit the moment he had you dress up in pink, but definitely not like this. 

Hyunjae made sure to get you all comfortable before you could even think about sex: prepping you a hot cup of tea that was provided and letting you sit comfortably on the bed. As time quickly flew by and you two were comfortable enough, he slowly approached you before taking a seat right next to you. Gently, he snakes his hands onto your neck before pulling you in for a kiss.

The kiss was soft and sensual at the beginning: pleasuring you with soft yet hungry kisses and giving you time to adjust to his pace. His lips tasted like strawberries, and you knew that he probably went along with the pink theme that he had in his mind. As he had expected, you did not reject his touch and let yourself loose as you let him take full control of everything.

It all felt like a haze, and you were so mesmerised by his beauty and demeanour that you couldn’t pull yourself away from his grasp. 

Slowly, he moves his hands down to give your breasts a gentle massage, before going down underneath your dress to rub your already wet underwear. Hyunjae smirked in between your kisses, and he quickened his pace as your pants finally turned into soft moans. 

“I love how you’re so sensitive, Y/N,” he chimed, taking a few breaks between kisses to stare down at your now red, burning hot face as tears formed in your eyes. 

Just before you could even climax, Hyunjae abruptly stops as he stands up to pull one of your pink ribbons away from your hair to tie both of your hands behind your back. You were flabbergasted by that sudden action, but he was too distracted to even hear you ask what was even going on in his head. Followed by that, he pulls away another ribbon from your hair and positions it in between your thighs—hurriedly yanking down your wet underwear and tossing them aside. 

He then places the ribbon right underneath your wet, dripping clit and commands you to sit before he started pulling the ribbon back and forth. The friction from the fabric was now rubbing your clit, and god, did that stimulated you good.

You looked at him with pleading eyes, desperately wanting to cum at this point, and you knew from the look of his face he was trying his best to drag this out as long as possible—wanting to make you cry out to him more than you were right now. 

“H-Hyunjae…p-please…” You mumbled, trying to get his attention and wanting him to cut the act and get straight to the point.

“Hmm? What’s that, princess? I won’t know unless you tell me what you want.” 

“I-I want- Hngh-” 

“Yes, tell me, babygirl. I’ll give you anything you want.” 

“F-Faster…please…” You begged as your teardrop finally drips down from the corners of your eyes. 

Hyunjae smiles, and it does not belong to the goofy guy who would beg you throughout your texts for you to buy him the latest jellycat doll that was available on the market. 

No. This was your sugar daddy: the one who counted on you to make sex tapes for him once every couple of days for his own gratification. 

“Now that’s my good girl,” he winks as he quickens his pace, rubbing it faster and harder, which makes you scream in agony. “I just love messing with my little princess.” 

During the heat of the moment, he reconnects his lips with your bare skin—leaving a trail of kisses from your neck all the way down to your collarbone before he started sucking on them to make sure that he was going to leave a bright, red mark where it would be extremely visible. 

You, on the other hand, were suffering from the consequences of his actions. Tears continued pouring out as you finally felt a little knot form within your stomach, and it only took Hyunjae a few more attempts before the hot, warm liquid started flowing from your thighs down onto the bed. He simply smacked his lips before taking that very same wet ribbon and placing it right onto your lips, making you taste the aftermath of your own hard work.

“Tell me, how does it taste? Do you like it?”

“V-Very m-much…” You mumbled while biting the ribbon before he finally pulled it away from your lips. Though he wasn’t done, and this time he gently pushes you down before he positions himself behind you, and that’s when your eyes widen in fear. 

An unzipping noise was heard, and you knew exactly what it was without having the need to turn around to look. And frankly, you couldn’t have done that since your hands were still tied behind you, and you could only mentally prepare yourself for what was to come. 

Just as you had expected, his tip has just lightly brushed through your dripping wet clit before your entire body squirmed for a second. Hyunjae had to lean forward and whisper into your ear to reassure you that he would be gentle and take good care of you. With one hand gently massaging his tip at your entrance, his other one came down to caress your cheeks as he reconnected his lips with yours. 

Turns out he did kept his promise, and he waited until your body was no longer stiff with fear before he slowly pushed his member into you—causing you to yelp much louder than you did before. 

“Shh…everything is okay, babygirl. Just trust me,” he cooed as he kissed your cheeks softly before pulling himself back up and resting both of his hands on your waist. It didn’t take long for him to slowly pick up his pace, and he moved one of his hands onto your hands as he began pulling them backwards—making your body move up slightly and giving him a lot more room and pressure to thrust within you.

“God- You’re - So- Tight- Y/N-” Hyunjae grunts as he applies a tad bit more pressure each second. It was then you felt like your walls were legitimately breaking apart, and god knows how much longer you can take his cock anymore. 

Grunts and moans filled the entire room, and the bed shook vigorously, to the point you were starting to worry if it would even collapse with the amount of pressure he was exerting. The once soft and demure Hyunjae was gone, and he was now a beast. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum-” Hyunjae grits his teeth before he finally filled you up completely—all of the extra liquids oozing out from your clit and they continued dripping down your thighs to the bed. You were a complete mess from that whole ordeal, and you finally heaved a sigh of relief when you finally came down from your high.

But you wished that you had held onto that thought for now. 

Without even pulling out his member, he abruptly turns you around and snakes himself over your hands so that they were now wrapped around his neck as he lowered himself down to the point that you could feel his breath on yours. 

If you thought what just happened a minute ago was bad enough, you were in for another ride as you’re practically locked under Hyunjae’s grasp. The male simply licks his lips before responding with a sly smirk on his face. 

“My babydoll is such a good girl, and I believe she deserves another round.”

A/N: suddenly i've forgotten how to write smut so pls bear with me 😭

masterlist

The addicting trap beat in his ears comes to an abrupt pause that nearly makes him skid to a halt. A ringtone—yours, some song you chose and he could no longer live without—replaced what he had been listening to. 

He punches the button on the treadmill as he slows to a comfortable walking pace, simultaneously lifting the bottom of his tank top up to wipe his sweaty face and accepting your call. He’s breathless when he answers, mentally bracing himself for your gushing, squealing, excitement. “Hey, how was it? It’s a little early, isn’t it?”

It only just hit ten o’clock at night and he was sure you and your date would have been out until eleven, at the earliest. 

When you don’t answer and he can only hear the sound of the passing cars on the road, his heart drops clean out of his chest. “Hey,” he says again, this time, infinitely softer. He steps off the treadmill. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

You exhale into his ear and he panics when he hears the tremor. “Can you pick me up? Please?” 

“Yeah, of course,” he replies without hesitation. He practically sprints for the locker room, slinging his bag over his shoulders with his helmet under his arm, before making a dash for the parking lot. “Drop a pin and I’ll be there as soon as possible. Just” —he swallows— “hang in there, hon. You somewhere safe?”

The cold air slaps him in the face and he swears his feet go faster when he remembers you went out in a skirt tonight. 

“Yeah, I’m on the curb outside that coffee place we went to the other day. You don’t need to rush or anything; drive safe, Eric.”

Don’t rush? Yeah, right. 

His motorcycle comes into view and he swings his leg over the seat. “Hang tight. I’ll be there in ten.” When the call ends, he’s revving up the engine and racing out of the lot. 

It takes all his willpower to restrain himself from bulldozing past a red light, or maybe even scaring a slow pedestrian. He can’t rationalize your mood change, the swift and steep turnaround of tonight—what did that asshole do to you? There’s a million and one possibilities flicking through his mind, and by the time he’s turning onto his target street, he’s convinced that he could actually bash that bastard's face in. 

But when he spots your figure hunched on the edge of the curbside, your jacket draped over your drooping shoulders, all the fight leaves his body. He thinks he can be the fierce and loyal protector you deserve, but he’s always just wanted to be the shoulder you lean on. 

He carefully directs his bike toward the curb and it draws your attention upward. There are no tears in your eyes, only an expressionlessness that terrifies him. His foot stomps the kickstand down, shucks the helmet off his head; then he’s taking the few steps needed to meet you, and your arms are wrapped around his middle, face pressed into the heat of his neck. 

His own arms tighten around you and he has to cup the back of your shoulders and head to prevent his hands from curling into fists. “Hey,” he murmurs, then coughs, “sorry, I'm a little sweaty.” 

“'s fine. Thanks for coming.”

“Where else would I be?” he chuckles and his hand smoothes over your hair. The words are so natural, the gesture so fond—it’s almost pathetic. Where else would I be? I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you. He swallows again, turning back to his bike. “Let's get you home, hm?”

You nod and pull away. (For a split second, he regrets saying anything. He could have indulged for a moment longer, could have forgotten the entire reason you called.)

He passes you his helmet, flicking the visor over your eyes as you climb onto the bike behind him. 

He doesn't need to tell you to 'Hold tight’ as he speeds off into the night. 

a/n: pls reblog if u enjoyed!

tbz m.list

“-how many?”

younghoon looks up at jacob, reaching for the beer on his hand. he didn’t hear the first part of jacob’s question, only focusing on the fact he was empty-handed.

“hoon-ah, i asked how many you’ve had?” jacob holds up a can but keeps it out of younghoon’s reach.

it’s been a while since younghoon kept track of the time, now simply counting down to midnight when they would be able to rightfully kick people out of their house.

younghoon shrugged his shoulders, then threw his head back. massaging his temples, he can’t figure out if his dehydration or this lame party caused his headache.

“stop giving him drinks, he’s had more than enough,” hyunjae turns his focus on their conversation.

although he was busy hosting tonight, hyunjae has been keeping an eye on younghoon by making sure he stayed close by. jacob glares at hyunjae, not appreciating the accusatory tone that laced his words, but he let it go as soon as younghoon asked for some water.

“did something happen? he doesn’t ever drink- at least not this much,” sangyeon chimes in. he sat on the ledge of the couch, opening the water bottle before handing it to younghoon.

“-nothing happened,” younghoon interrupts, somehow managing to find a confusing middle—sounding firm and absolute and sounding like he wants to convince himself that nothing actually happened.

sunwoo walks back from the lively living room after he spots the boys gathering around the couch. he tried to ask hyunjae what was happening, failing to communicate only with their eyes.

something about younghoon being in the middle of the the circle intrigued sunwoo, especially since they were the closest out of the group along with hyunjae, with all three growing up in the same hometown.

a chorus of cheers erupted across the room. a game of beer pong reached its peak, excitement surged through each player and lurker.

but younghoon’s eyes immediately darts on one person: you.

judging on your stupid grin, it’s clear that you were winning the game. yes, you were competitive, but everyone can see that smile wasn’t about the game. you weren’t watching the cups, but was instead pouring all your attention to your partner, beomgyu.

“since when did we invite those txt kids?” younghoon grumbled, grabbing the bag of chips on the table.

hyunjae and sunwoo made eye contact upon hearing his complaint. they had their suspicions since the start of the night, although, if they were being honest, the signs have been there for weeks now.

they laughed out of the blue, raising weird looks among their other clueless friends.

“what is it?” sangyeon asked, familiar with hyunjae and sunwoo’s antics, “something must be so amusing, you’re just gonna have to share with the class.”

“i don’t know, but younghoon might know a thing or two-” sunwoo bursts out laughing, enabled by hyunjae’s knowing look.

younghoon snaps out of his trance, realizing he hadn’t taken his eyes off your direction, when he hears his name.

“no. i don’t know what you’re talking about. stop-” younghoon starts throwing his chips at sunwoo.

hyunjae took a sip of his beer, smiling at the sight. younghoon took the bait and he was clearly struggling as they were reeling him in. he looked at the rest of the guys and pointed straight at you.

“you guys know y/n, right?”

“are you seriously gonna do this-”

“chanhee’s cousin, y/n?” jacob asked.

“yeah, they’re related. but did you know she grew up with us too?” sunwoo mentions, winking at younghoon.

“heard about it- why? what about her?”

younghoon plops back down the couch. he wants to walk away from this conversation but he didn’t have the energy, or really, the space to get away from it. he accepted his fate and went back to munching on his chips, seething in his discomfort quietly.

from time to time, younghoon glances at you from a distance, trying not to count the times your eyes found him (which was zero).

“y/n had a huge crush on younghoon growing up. she followed him everywhere since elementary to high school. they were famous for being tom and jerry, only if they were human and one was madly in love with the other,” sunwoo explained.

“i’m guessing he rejected her-” sangyeon whipped his head back at younghoon.

“not just once, or twice-” sunwoo nodded.

“-twelve times,” hyunjae rolled his eyes, “four during elementary, two in middle school, five times in high school, and once when we were all in uni. this fool has rejected her twelve times.”

jacob and sangyeon’s jaws dropped looking at younghoon, who is now avoiding their stares.

for the longest time, you and younghoon were paired together by everyone. the difference between your feelings was striking, the same way you were polar opposites in your personalities.

the cold, aloof prince and his persistent, bubbly admirer. where he was, there you were.

despite all the teasing, there was not a day where your eyes left younghoon. he didn’t have a proper explanation for all the times he pushed your feelings away, baffled at how your feelings remained no matter how many times you were rejected. you were the annoying girl who followed him everywhere, while he was the boy of your dreams.

“you have your feelings, i have my own,” you told him after he declined coming to homecoming with you during sophomore year.

rejection #10.

when you brought up how many times he has rejected you, younghoon was a little surprised.

he knows you’ve been following him for years but never thought his rejections to have reached that number. it would be a lie to say he wasn’t flattered. after all, you matched his interests and likes so perfectly.

that's why even when he continued to say he was overwhelmed by your loud expression, he couldn’t admit that he was starting to get comfortable with the thought that you were always there.

that was until you weren’t.

“half of those don’t even count- we were just kids. she didn’t mean it,” younghoon mumbled.

“so, you’re saying you didn’t mean some of those rejections either?” hyunjae hummed, raising his eyebrow. he doesn’t answer the question.

younghoon looked at you for a second.

you were still standing by the ping pong table with a drink on hand. beomgyu was standing directly behind you, his arm was propped down the table, leaning towards you.

younghoon clenched his jaw when he saw beomgyu’s face turn towards your neck, stopping by your ear to whisper.

the music is not that loud for him to be doing all that, younghoon thought.

“seeing that his eyes could burn a hole through that beomgyu kid right now, i’m guessing he hasn’t been all that truthful on those rejections…” jacob smirked.

“aren’t they dating?” hyunjae asked, pointing at you two.

“they’re not,” younghoon stands up, grabs hyunjae’s drink and takes a swig, “they’re not dating.”

…

unlike younghoon had thought, you have been watching him all night.

how could you not? it was not out of the norm for younghoon to stay in one place during a party, even one that was held at his own house, but it was not like him to drink all night.

“hey,” beomgyu hands you an unopened can of hard seltzer, “care for another round?”

your eyes wandered for a moment, noticing that younghoon finally stood up and made his way outside. beomgyu held the chilled drink at the back of your hand, snapping you out of focus.

“i think i’ve had enough beer pong tonight,” you gave him a quick smile and played it cool.

without taking the drink, you excused yourself to get some water in the kitchen. all common sense flew out the window when you walked the opposite direction anyway, following younghoon out to the side porch.

you earned a startled response from him when you opened the door and stepped outside. a guilty look washed over your face. maybe younghoon needed the space to get some air, but here you are again, seeking him out unprompted.

when it comes to him, rational thoughts never come front and center. but this time, before you were able to give him a quick sorry and leave, younghoon says hi.

“y/n- hi,” he waved, “how are you?”

“i’m- doing good. i’m good,” you smiled, shifting yourself to face him.

“i haven’t seen you around lately,” younghoon mirrors your expression.

he has always been a little hard to read, but you knew what his eyes looks like when he’s genuine. you know he was happy to hear you’re doing good, and you know he was actually curious as to why he hasn’t seen you recently.

“well, we dont live next to each other anymore,” you looked back at the house, scanning the spacious lawn around you.

“how are the dorms? you like it?” he asked.

“it’s nice. there’s no commute because it’s on campus- definitely saves me time. how are you liking the house? i heard from chanhee, eleven guys in one house can be a bit of a handful sometimes…”

younghoon chuckled, “i have to drive to campus but having my own space is real sweet. we can be a handful, it’s true. but we almost all have different schedules so it doesn’t get too crowded.”

“they seem nice, too,” you say, walking by the ledge.

“they are,” he agreed.

younghoon takes a step closer to your space, leaning the same way.

you both took a peek at the front of the house, watching people come in and out of the front door. the dim porch light was flickering, but it was enough to shine on your face.

slowly, his eyes move from the party goers to your side profile. you were too preoccupied to notice him staring.

“so-” you both started, surprised to hear you two had something in mind at the same time.

“-you go first,” you say quickly as you shifted your weight back and forth, swaying your body ever so slightly, left and right.

younghoon couldn’t help but smile when he noticed your old habit. you do that when you’re curious but have to hold back from asking a million questions or when you had something to say but have to find the right time to say it. you both realized both scenarios were true at the moment.

“that guy, beomgyu?” he asked vaguely.

“huh?”

“-nothing you just… you just looked close that’s all,” he adds, still lacking the main point of what he was asking.

“beomgyu… he- uhm- lives on the floor above me. i guess we’ve been bumping into each other more often these days.”

“y/n, are you avoiding me?”

“what- me? avoiding you? of course… not.”

younghoon makes direct eye contact with you when he asks that question. it didn’t matter if he sensed you were nervous talking about beomgyu. you were more hung up on the fact he’s bringing up that you were avoiding him, genuinely believing he wouldn’t notice.

everyone tells you that over time you’ll get over this silly crush, and you believed them. thinking your feelings are fleeting, you left them unchecked especially when younghoon never changes the way he acts towards you.

now that you’re in university, you know that it is time for a new beginning, meet a lot more people, find versions of yourself you’ve yet to discover. there was more to life than what you already know. but unfortunately, you weren’t avoiding younghoon because you stopped having feelings.

you were avoiding him because you never lost them.

younghoon has always rejected you, but he was never mean. constantly interacting with someone who has come clean with their feelings towards you means awkward tension will always follow.

looking back, you would definitely change the way you behaved around younghoon most times, but he never treated you any differently.

still, you know you wanted more and that you’re always going to want more.

“younghoon, i have a question- and i need you to be honest.”

“why?” he laughed nervously.

“you just have to.”

younghoon looks down to think for a second before saying okay. you stopped swaying, planting your feet on the floor, unsure of what to do with your hands.

“beomgyu asked me out yesterday…what should i do?”

“-why are you asking me?”

“i’m just asking you about what you think…”

because this might be the first and last time i will ask you.

you stare at him, scanning his expression for any emotion, any reaction. disappointed to see it unchanged, you made up your mind to go home.

you were about to turn your heel and leave without another word, smiling bitterly.

“okay- i got it.”

until, younghoon’s hand gets a hold of your arm and pulls you back closer to him. younghoon can't believe what he was about to say at that exact moment, but he believed that he needs to before it's too late.