;^)

Go ahead. See why your logic is faulty?

The whole reason why the logic is faulty is because Asian and Hispanic people arnt called that slur by racists. They dont face the same oppression and discrimination that african people face. They face different struggles.

This logic can also be used in the queer slur reclamation discourse. Aro/ace/demi/greys arnt called that slur by homophobes. They dont face the same oppression and discrimination that lgbt people face. They face different struggles.

You cant reclaim a slur if you arnt what that slur is meant for or means. You can’t reclaim a slur thats not yours.

Asexual people are vaild, Aromantic people are vaild, Greysexual people are vaild.

Everyone is demi because its used to slut shame hook up culture. Thus isnt a fucking sexuality.

Queer is used to attack homosexuals, multisexuals and transgender people.

Not to attack aces, aros or greys.

How do you claim to know that ace/aro people aren’t called queer negatively? Have you talked to every aro/ace person to ask them if they’ve been called queer? Did you take a poll because I’m sure that ace/aro people have been called queer negatively, you didn’t even specify non-gay ones.

- someone’s transition status is none of your business

- the transition status of someone’s partner is none of your business

- your gender is not dictated or invalidated by your transition status

Trigger warning : Conversion therapy,abuse

As if the so called ace “”discourse””( which has till now involved aphobes and exclusionists comparing ace people to nazis,pedophiles,white supremacists,slave owners,homophobes,  ,talking over ace WOC by white people, telling ace people AND kids to kill themselves,victim blamig and gaslighting ace victims of rape, putting extremely graphic sexual content into asexual tags and sending sexual content to ace minors and adults who are are suffering from sexual trauma even after they told them to STOP ) could not get any worse, we now have these pathetic excuses of human beings accusing ace people of lying about their trauma and abuse just so that they can justify their harassing of ace people.

Im TIRED of seeing these “”highly intellectual people”” keeps repeating bullshit arguments so im gonna make this post addled with appropriate resources and links to handle these two topics:

How asexuality is pathologized

Can the abuse and trauma ace people go through when people try to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality really be called “conversion therapy”?

This is gonna be long,but i hope you will stick with me though this because im going to try as much as possible to make this as source-fuilled and educational for yall. So here we go:

1. Has asexuality really been pathologized?

Short answer,Yes.  Many mental health professionals had consideredasexuality an illness throughout history.There are many articles talking about it.Up till 2013, indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people, lack of interest in sex etc were basically classified as Hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM which was revised just to include that all those indicators WOULD be considered as a “symptom” of HSDD unless a person self identified as “asexual” which wasnt much useful since not everyone(especially young people) might know that they are ace and can be pressured by their peers into going through the “treatment” for HSDD .They did the same thing before they removed homosexuality from the DSM.

Heres the long answer :

Throughout history , asexuality has brought out bigots to talk about how “unnatural” it is and how it obviously is a “mental illness/disorder” bc experiencing sexual attraction is always considered an inherent experience to almost all living beings.There are many medical and psychological articles either directly referring to asexuality as a disorder or referring its main indicators like “lack of sexual attraction,sexual feelings towards other people”etc as a mental disorder.

But the most well known instance of pathologization of asexuality is the  HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder).It has been in both The International Classification of Diseases and  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders both which are used by mental health professionals and psychologists to diagnose people.

There was a huge pushback against HSDD by asexual activists bc it categorized all indicators of asexuality like lack of sexual attraction,sexual fantasies towards other people and lack of sexual desire etc as a disorder.As a result,  asexuality was officially given an exception in the DSM-V by stating that if a person experiencing all the symptoms of HSDD self ID’d as asexual then they wont be diagnosed with it.This seemed a good enough thing to do and acephobes keep bringing it up to show how “different HSDD is from asexuality” and how “The medical world has “”accommodated”” itself for the comfort of ace people” but this act and the whole concept of a “Hypoactive sexual desire disorder” are considered problematic and have been put through questions not only by ace people, but feminists and activists too . Heres why :

1. The person STILL has to identify as asexual to be not diagnosed.Asexuality still isnt as visible and well known of an orientation so  if a person doesn’t know that they’re asexual, the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x)  .Taking into consideration the fact that a lack of sexual attraction is still seen as a sign of “brokenness” etc , the aphobia ace people face from their peers,how sex is seen an inherent part of one’s relationship and the immense number of ace people who experience internalized aphobia, theres a higher chance of ace people being pressurized into lying about not being ace and being made to go through treatment of HSDD .

2. The asexuality exception is not included in the diagnostic criteria, but a different part of the text. The desk reference version, which is the smaller version most psychiatrists will use because the actual DSM is a monster of a book, only contains the diagnostic criteria. So, unless a doctor is very familiar with the update DSM, you could still be diagnosed despite identifying as asexual. (X)

3.The DSM is put out by the APA, an American organization and is not used internationally in ALL countries.The international appx. equivalent to the DSM is the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) where an exception of asexuality is NOT made like they did in DSM-V. So many countries where DSM-V is not followed are free to diagnose ace people with almost no repercussions.

4.There is till NO distinction made between HSDD and asexuality and all indicators of asexuality are still considered “symptoms” of HSDD. the DSM does no work to sufficiently differentiate between these “sexual disorders” and a sexual identity. so it could very well happen that someone who doesn’t know that they’re asexual is convinced by a therapist that they have a sexual abnormality that needs to be corrected(x) Just putting “All these signs are of HSDD unless a person identifies as asexual” is literally the same as saying “Being attracted to the same gender and/or being attracted to more than two genders is a disorder unless a person identifies as gay/bi”.In fact a very very similar thing was done to homosexuality in the DSM before homosexuality was deleted off entirely as a disorder.

5.Im not even gonna get into the fact that alot of people have pointed out how  the big push to keep HSDD in the DSM came from the pharmaceutical companies who need this diagnosis to exist so thatthey can market a drug called Flibanserin and both of these thingshave been called out by both ace as well as non ace feminists bc studies showed it improved very little in terms of sexual satisfaction in its participants and has potentially big risks(x) and  MANY women disinterested in sex(weather ace or not) were pressurized to undergo treatment of HSDD and use flibanserin bc of the misogynist belief that women need to put out more than care about their safety white taking it bc thats not the point of this post.

But just for yalls consideration : Just bc there is a disorder in the DSM doesnt mean that its legit.Female hysteria,homosexuality were considered disorders.As an amazing post here said : “until psychology stops operating in terms of “inappropriate behavior” and starts looking at patients’ experiences of symptoms as stressful and unpleasant, it will be an enforcement of ableism first and an aid to the mentally ill last.”  . Unless someone goes through some trauma which make them LOSE their capability to feel sexual attraction and desire,i’ll consider any “disorder” which automatically assumes lack of sexual attraction and desire “unnatural”, as doubtful .

So  yeah , asexuality still technically remains pathologized and ace people still are at a risk of being diagnosed and being forced/pressurized to undergo treatments which arent usually even that effective and have health risks associated with them.On to the next topic :

2.Can ace people call the trauma and abuse they went through  when people tried to “convert ace people back to normalcy” and “fix” their asexuality  “conversion therapy”?

First off, Read THIS . Now,

Short answer,Yes. Maybe they might not be under the threat of going through the EXACT conversion therapy which involves basically torture and is legal in like 36/41 states IN AMERICA but then again, so arent those gay people who didnt/dont/wont be living/going to those 36/41 states IN AMERICA but have/are/will be  tried to be “converted back to” straightness by their peers.Any way in which non straight people are forced/pressurized to be converted into straight by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day it doesnt really matter WHAT word you define it as when those trying to “fix” non straight people’s non straightness view those non straight people as someone who needs “fixing”.

Also, saying that ace people’s experience when their peers were trying to “fix” their asexuality isnt AS bad as what gay people go through when their gayness is tried to be “fixed” is…not a good thing to say.Trauma isnt a competition.Telling a person with a sprained leg that another person has a  fractured leg doesnt make the first person’s sprained leg hurt any less

Heres the long answer :

Here is the thing.The most “well known”  conversion therapy(and in aphobes’ case,the conversion therapy they keep bringing up to discourage ace people from calling their trauma involving attempts to fix them “conversion therapy” ) is the one which is legal in 36 or 41(The data keeps differing from diff sources) states in AMERICA ONLY and basically involves showing homoerotic images and videos to gay/bi people and inflicting some sort of violence/harm on them when them and/or their mind and/or their body shows any sort of interest on such images till they form an aversion to same gender attraction and other forms of torture.I described it as PG rated as possible but if anyone is interested and is NOT at the risk of being triggered they can read the whole process here(x).

Aphobes keep arguing that since no clinic advertises that they will “convert ace people back to normalcy” ,and even IF some ace person IS forced to undergo treatment of HSDD ,their experience doesnt matches the EXACT amount of abuse and trauma gay people go through during conversion therapy, aces arent “allowed” to call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Now , anyone with common sense and general morality will realize how bullshit this is bc aphobes are just putting their american centric rhetorics over ALL aces in THIS WORLD(bc they are ALWAYS considering the american conversion therapy)but i’ll still just prove how WRONG this argument is :

1.This argument is only AMERICA CENTRIC.Aphobes keep saying that since ace people dont go through the exact conversion therapy which is legal in 36/41 states in america,they cant call it “conversion therapy”.Now america is only one country.There are 193 countries in this world.The “valid”Conversion therapy is only there in america.But HOMOPHOBIA is there in ALL countries of this world.Now, If we consider aphobes’ argument as legit, then it would imply that any gay person who suffered through the trauma and abuse of having their identity turned into “straight” by their peers in any country OTHER THAN AMERICA CANNOT call their experiences “Conversion therapy”.That means all the gay people who faced torture in russia (especially in Chechnya)to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences “conversion therapy”.Gay people in Brazil and Jamaica who are tried to be “fixed” cannot call their experiences conversion therapy.I live in south asia,we dont even HAVE any special places dedicated to “convert” gay people.But there are many instances where gay people are hauled to the nearest “religious medical practitioners” who abuse and torture them for WEEKS to “cure” them.I guess those gay people cant even call their experiences “conversion therapy”.THIS IS HOW RIDICULOUS APHOBES SOUND.

2.Not every ace conversion therapy is caused by going through the treatment of HSDD : There are many ace people who have been told that it was their asexuality ITSELF that was a disorder and went through abusive therapies to “cure” it which led to some people ending up self-isolating until they ended up in a psych hospital and some people felt broken and alone after that(x).Many health professionals simply pass off asexuality as some  symptomatic of deeper mental health problem and thus not every ace who might have been tried to be “converted back to normalcy” might have been gone through quite a rough treatment too.

3.Telling people that their trauma isnt “”really that bad”” isnt a good thing.Telling them that their trauma  dosent really “”qualify”” enough to be considered “”real”” conversion therapy isnt good.Oppression and traumas arent a competition.The abuse and torture gay people go through during conversion therapy isnt gonna make the trauma ace people go through “better” or less severe.Telling women that “at least they arent being human trafficked and beaten by their husbands everyday like in middle east” isnt gonna make them feel better when they are catcalled or sexually harassed at work.If ace people are tried to be “”fixed”” by being forced/pressurized undergo “” treatments”” by so called “professionals” and “medical experts” , it counts as conversion therapy to me bc at the end of the day, ace people’s orientation is still being seen as “something to be fixed into straightness”.

So yeah, ace people CAN call all the abuse they go through to be “fixed” of their asexuality “conversion therapy”.Now that we are done, here are a few examples of ace people talking about their fears and/or experiences about conversion therapy which i havent provided already

If you really want to respect lgbtqa people who have gone through conversion therapy,try to make this world a better place for lgbtqa people so that their identity isnt seen as something to be fixed.Telling group of people you are bigoted against that they cant call their experiences of tried to be fixed “conversion therapy” isnt gonna do SHIT to help the community you think you are trying to protect.Saying that No ace person has EVER went to conversion therapy bc there are “valid proofs” is disgusting.

Good, I’ve got your attention. I’ve heard about this net neutrality bullshit returning. I fought it when it started popping up a few years ago, and I’m going to fight it again. Guys, it’s BACK AGAIN and even worse theres a big chance it will END UP PASSING!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/#bftn-action-form

This could literally mean a shit ton of you wont be able to see me anymore if your provider decides that they want to regulate/censor, sayyy overly sexual content. You’ll also have to pay extra money to even use Tumblr!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/#bftn-action-form

Please guys, we defeated this shit once, we can do it again. They’re trying to do it now while people are distracted by the holidays and fucking Justice League. As of today, it seems as though there have only been 266,810 calls made to Congress. This is NOT good enough!! MILLIONS of people use the net, and if each one of them took 60 seconds to call and protect it, holy balls do you KNOW how much of a difference that would make??? But noooo, you’re busy streaming an ecchi anime that wont be available to you soon!!!!!

Heres a direct link to make a difference (theres also links to other sites of the same nature on here), and yes, YOU can make a fucking difference because this is YOUR internet at stake here. If you’re not going to make the call, share this and maybe SOMEONE fucking will!! This is important as shit and we cant afford to lose. Dec 14th is the deadline.

The reason they started this again is because… the timing.

Coincidence? I think NOT.

if you’re new, i I’m from, live in, and write from THE NETHERLANDS. IN EUROPE.

that means that if I get censored, nobody would be able to read my trash fire anymore! AND I LIKE PEOPLE READING MY GARBAGE!!

plEASE go to the link!

i haven’t seen any noise about this on tumblr yet, but a fire has completely wiped out a small town in california.

they’re calling it the camp fire. over 20,000 residents have been evacuated so far, the last area estimates i heard were over an hour ago at 18,000 acres and its still zero percent contained.

UPDATE: 4PM FRI NOV. 9, 2018

the fire has completely walked over paradise, magalia, and much of the rest of butte county. it’s under 10% containment and moving towards chico, which was been mostly evacuated as well. it’s been documented as one of the top 20 deadliest fires seen in california. i know many of the people personally whose lives have been destroyed by this fire. my aunt and uncle’s home, of whom we’re very close to, was demolished last night, same goes for family friends and others who lived in paradise– which is completely gone. there are 5 confirmed deaths, several dozen missing people.

EVACUATION SITES STILL OPEN AS OF 1 HOUR AGO:

Butte County Fairgrounds (199 E Hazel St, Gridley, CA 95948)

Yuba-Sutter Fairground (442 Franklin Ave, Yuba City, CA 95991)

Glenn County Fairgrounds (221 E Yolo St, Orland, CA 95963)

Chester Memorial Hall (22 Gay Street, Chester)

HOW TO HELP/DONATE:

“Currently the best way to contribute is to make a monetary donation via the North Valley Community Foundation website.” -abc7news.com

“Supplies: Hope Center in Oroville (1950 Kitrick Ave Ste. A) is taking donations. Hours: Friday and Saturday 8 a.m. - 5 p.m., Sunday 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Needs: warm clothes, shoes, socks, coats (primarily for elderly residents).” -abc7news.com

the majority of those affected by the fire in paradise were elderly people. and having known paradise and magalia myself for years, it’s not a wealthy part of california. these people will need help, and lots of it.

if you have any questions, you can message me personally or seek information online or from the above references personally.

Trans lesbians dating cis lesbians? Legendary 💚💜❤️

Cis lesbians dating cis lesbians? Marvellous 💘❤️💚

🍆Calling gay people ‘sinful’ is homophobic.🍆

💦Yaoi/BL often fetishizes RAPE, INCEST, ABUSE, and PEDOPHILIA💦

💯 Yaoi isnt good mlm representation. 💯

👀Fetishism is not activism👀

✨Jerking off to gay porn doesnt make you an ally. It just means you see mlm as sex objects.✨

😘Shipping real people is gross.😘

👅Calling yourself a ‘rotten girl’ for enjoying content regarding MLM is homophobic. 👅

💯No one is misogynistic for calling you out on your homophobia.💯

🍆Fiction impacts reality because it impacts the way people can think & fanfiction can be used by pedophiles to groom children🍆

😩Simulated child porn is illegal in the US, UK, and CANADA.😩

✌🏻Rape, abuse, incest, and pedophilia are not sexy✌🏻

💦If you think rape, abuse, incest, or pedophilia are sexy then youre actually a terrible person💦

Allow me to clarify somethings beforehand. One; “yaoi” and “shounen-ai” will be adressed as different topics. “Boys Love” is in reference to both of them. Two; no, “yaoi” is not a japanese synonym for “gay” if someone wonders (yaoi is actually an acronym for “yama nashi, ochi nashi, imi nashi” which translates as “no peak, no fall, no meaning”). Third, “fujoshi” will be used as a term to adress hardcore, diehard and mostly stereotypical fans of the Boys Love genre, while more subtle and regular fans of the genre will be referred to as “Boys Love fans.” And, also, while I’m gonna write in a generalistic manner, under no circumstances everything I say applies to every single piece of Boys Love ever created.

So let’s get started; There are various reasons why Boys Love in general is a harmful genre towards the gay male community:

1) You’re creating a genre about a minority, meant for the enjoyment of some group other than said minority.

The Boys Love genre in general is made for the enjoyment of (mostly straight) women, and this is clear because the actual of male/male romance dedicated to gay men is completely separated of the Boys Love genre (for those curious, the actual gay romance genre is called “bara”). The Boys Love genre is about taking stories about two men in love, and making them enjoyable for women. 

Analogical (but, of course, not equal) to this situation, is how the lesbian porn currently existing, is not for the enjoyment of lesbian women (I’ve had conversations, and watched a couple of videos made by lesbians, about how lesbian porn results actually painful to watch, but those experiences may not be that universal). Lesbian porn is made for straight men to jack off to their fetishistic views of gay women. The same way men start viewing lesbians as their object of entertainment, women, through Boys Love, start viewing gay men as their object of entertainment.

This can be seen a lot in some sections of the fujoshi community; fujoshis will talk among their group of friends how they saw these two gay dudes holding hands and kissing and it reminded them of their yaoi fanfics and it was “so cute kyaaa >w<”. And also, fujoshis that have two male friends, fujoshis that have a boyfriend with a good guy friend, or, god forbid, a fujoshi with a bisexual boyfriend, tend to mash together the men close to them, looking for more “yaoi” content in their real lives. 

Notice how this is not exactly supportive, as in “It’s good to see gay romances remaining strong against homophobia,” rather, it’s how you’d discuss the cute perks of a fictional couple that’s made for your enjoyment. 

That’s the keypoint; fujoshis, through the consumption of yaoi, start viewing gay men as something to look at from afar, enjoy, and then share with your friends. We are not Ken Dolls that fujoshis can force to make out because they got bored of their Barbie; we are real men, with emotions, and feelings, and who just want to love and to be loved. Our stories should not become something for women to enjoy.

2) On the same note, the community that the Boys Love genre has created has a big sense of entitlement.

There are Boys Love fans and fujoshis, who will consume from the fluffiest Haikyuu!! manga they can find, to the most PWP fanfics in AO3. Ain’t nothing bad with that; always remember that your sexuality is yours and it’s your deal whatever you do with it. But when they have the nerve to be homophobic too, there’s where the problem starts.

See, the big problem is that, no matter how much homosexual media you consume, you are not automatically an ally of LGBT+ people; you can still have internalized homophobia, you can still have some bigoted attitudes, and heck, you can even outright say that homosexual people disgust you as long as they’re not in fiction. 

But there are people among this community who think that, by enjoying homosexual content, they are automatically LGBT+ allies, and tend to refuse to give it a thought to any callout they may get. It’s like when gay men started giving their reasons why they thought Boys Love was a harmful genre; fujoshis wouldn’t listen, acting as if they had an opinion on what is harmful to the gay male community (yes, you can believe me or not, but there are people who say “as a [whatever sexuality] woman, I don’t think that yaoi is harmful to the gay community, so I’m going to continue to consume it as much as you want. Live and let live”).

Here’s the deal; fujoshis are not allowing us to live. They look at us as more media to consume and ship. We are, for them, some new characters for their fanfiction. We are not. We can call fujoshis out on their homophobia, and they don’t have an opinion on what is harmful to the gay male community, because they are, after all, women (because that’s the target audience of Boys Love).

3) Now, on the note of the very genre, it depicts a really unrealistic and harmful view of gay men

Do you know the term “seme”? Do you know what makes a good “uke”? Have you ever heard of what a “suke/seke” is? If you answered to any of these “yes,” then you know the kind of stereotypes that yaoi forces gay men into.

Now, disclaimer, I am completely aware that these terms are actual japanese slang for “active,” “passive,” and “versatile” respectively. Yes, I am aware that these terms are actually used in Japan, and no, I’m not saying that they are inherently bad or that they should not be used anymore. What I am saying is that, among the Boys Love community, these terms have becomen a set of harmful stereotypes to tag gay men.

Let’s review the two main concerning ones: - Seme: The active one in the relationship. They are the ones to take the wheel in the relationship, guiding it where they like the most; they confess first, they kiss first, they iniciate the relationship, sex, living together; the seme is the one taking the decisions for the couple. Also the most mature in most aspects (especially romantically, since there’s a trend of making the seme a bisexual, womanizer man). Usually tops, but can vary depending on the type of seme and which type of uke they’re paired with. Most traditionally masculine in the couple. Examples are Usami Akihiko from Junjou Romantica, Alberto from Iroku Irokoi Romantan and Chiga Yasuhiro from Seitokai ni Chuukoku. - Uke: The passive one in the relationship. They are usually taken around by their seme in all aspects of relationships, because they lack maturity in some life aspects to have better ideas themselves, or because the uke lacks the means to oppose the seme (physically inferior so they’d lose a fight, dependant finantially, or even, the uke is a sex slave bought by the seme (and no I am not exaggerating)). Mostly depicted as virgins who have never been in a relationship due to lack of interest, or their bad luck with the opposite sex. Examples are Ayase Yukiya from Okane Ga Nai, Taki Reizen from Hyakujitsu no Bara or Yoshino Chiaki from Sekaiichi Hatsukoi).

If you don’t realize the problem here, it’s the fact that Boys Love (yaoi especially) resolves a lot around a really unhealthy power imbalance in the relationship. And let me repeat one of my first points; No, this is not a rule that applies to every single yaoi in existence (after all, sukes are a thing too), but it’s a thing that you can see in a lot of yaoi media, and what’s worse, it’s still quite prominent among the most popular yaoi mangas and animes there are out there. Has any Boys Love fan went through their liking of the genre without hearing about Junjou Romantica and Sekaiichi Hatsukoi? Well, let me tell you, those mangas are full of this unhealthy dynamic.

And that’s not the end of it; the seme and uke stereotypes have becomen so deeply ingrained among the fujoshi community, that they’ll have actual discussions about how certain characters are semes or ukes, to further put in practice this fetishistic and unhealthy view of gay men they have. Do you want some good ol’ discourse? Just build a time machine, go back to 2014 and make a post in the Free! tag that says “Tachibana Makoto is an uke!” I guarantee you, you’ll get anon hate, detailed explanations about how you’re wrong and actual death threats in minutes.

So, back to the original point, the seme and uke stereotypes are bad. They’re fetishistic and unhealthy views of gay men, and, while the terms themselves are japanese and not inherently wrong, it’s time that the western fujoshis stop using the seme and uke tags. 

4) Boys Love likes to alienate homosexual relationships as something weird, wrong, and that’s the charm of it

It’s such a big cliché that people that despise yaoi (such as myself) have turned it into a meme; how there HAS to be a scene in every Boys Love manga about how “but this is not right! we are two guys!”

Allow me to ellaborate: Is the depiction of homophobia (be it from outside or internalized homophobia) inherently wrong in media? Not at all. It’s real, crude, and many gay men are haunted by it, especially the very moment we start realizing that we may actually like men. To make a gay character that goes through an arc of “What’s wrong with me? This cannot possibly be that I’m in love with a guy,” ending with them realizing that they are, indeed, in love with a guy, that’s not harmful at all (but, as a sidenote, it’s not a story for women to tell, because it’s about a gay guy realizing he’s gay, so it should stop either way).

But, and this is a big but, is the constant depiction of internalized homophobia, to the point where it’s almost a joke, wrong in media? Yes. Yes it is, because there is nothing inherently wrong with being gay, but the fact that they keep saying “it’s wrong! it shouldn’t be this way!” so many times is hurtful. It actually hurts to see so many characters thinking that loving a man, as a man, is wrong or weird. 

And the worst part of it, is how it has translated to the fujoshi community. Did you see that original post? That’s an example of it; fujoshis, through the constant reminder that gay relationships are alien to the “normal” part of society, they gush and freak out about the idea of their parents finding out their “sinful” fanfiction, their “dirty” fanart of two men in love. 

It’s time to stop guys; no part of a gay relationship is weird, wrong, alien, sinful or dirty (and no, not even the sexual parts of the relationship, because sex is not dirty or sinful either). Gay relationships are just that; gay relationships. Some gay men want to fall in love, some gay men want to have sex, some gay men just want live cozily in a small appartment with a puppy and a mug of hot chocolate. We are not weird, wrong, alien, sinful or dirty in any way, and it’s time that Boys Love and fujoshis stop calling us that. The religious homophobes do a good enough job at that. 

5) And, finally, Boys Love makes jealousy seem cute, abuse as romantic, rape as enjoyable and gay men as depraved

Remember when we all agreed that Fifty Shades of Grey was just a big sack of paper that takes abuse and rape, and disguises it as a romantic novel? Boys Love does this too, and in so many ways that tumblr has realized that there is, indeed, something wrong with Boys Love. 

I’m gonna put examples of how some of these work; in Junjou Romantica, Usami is a professional writer that creates erotic scenes based on his own sexual experiences and fantasies with Misaki, even though Misaki has outright told him how it’s a violation of his privacy and just really disrespectful in general to publish stuff erotic stuff based on him. Usami discredits his feelings and keeps on doing so, with the excuse that he’s putting a disclaimer of “No one in this novel is a real person, and any relation to reality is pure coincidence.” The fact that Usami discredits Misaki’s feelings the few times he expresses them is abusive, but it’s depicted as a comedic quirk Usami has.

As an example of rape being depicted as enjoyable, there’s Koisuru Boukun. Morinaga Tetsuhiro acidentally drugs his upperclassman and crush, Tatsumi Souchi (who is a homophobic guy, so I’ll bring up the point of, stop writing down the “a homophobic man is just a repressed homosexual” prompt, to romanticize our abusers is super hurtful), with a sex drug in a wine bottle as they drank together. Tatsumi doesn’t really mind (as he can deal with it himself later), until Morinaga starts making sexual advances on him, eventually both of them having sex despite Tatsumi never ever agreeing on the sex (I don’t remember very well, but I think that, in fact, he refused to have sex with Morinaga). But this, despite being a rape scene, was depicted as a sexy, erotic and enjoyable sex scene that fujoshis could call “surprise sex.”

And let’s not get started on how predatory, possessive and just overall unhealthy some Boys Love mangas get. Again, this is not all of them, but it’s a constant and repetitive theme that circulates among them, and it’s time that it stops. Authors are, under all circumstances, allowed to add drama to their romances, but not at the price of it becoming unhealthy. Especially when it comes to gay men. We’ve been depicted as sex machines, lacking humanity and who just lived for our own pleasure, and we are none of those. Why not making a manga of the daily occurences of a married gay couple and their first steps on parenthood? Belive me, people will read it if it’s promoted well enough.

With all this, I can say, without a drop of doubt in my system, that Boys Love, Yaoi and Fujoshis are harmful to the gay community. 

It’s a genre that transforms gay men into women’s entertainment.

It creates an entitled community that’s proven itself unwilling to change its bad ways.

It sets up an unhealthy power imbalance and character stereotypes that are harmful to real life gay men.

At the same time it takes advantage of gay men, it allienates them, calling them sinful, dirty and weird.

And it depicts unhealthy parts in relationships, such as jealousy, stalkery, abuse and rape) as romantic, when they’re not.

Now, with all of this, I want to repeat one of my first points because I want to make it as clear as possible: Not all Boys Love is as unhealthy as this. In fact, I want to bring up attention to a really enjoyable and realistic depiction of gay teenagers in love; a healthy romance with its ups and downs, but always learning more and more about how to deal with their own issues and making their relationship actually enjoyable for both of them:

Doukyuusei.

Of course, it’s not perfect (it has miscommunication problems and sometimes not everything is perfectly consensual), but it goes along the playful and clumsy parts of being a teenager in love. You are gonna make mistakes, you’re gonna overthink stuff, but when you learn to communicate and trust your partner, the relationship goes on better than ever.

And also, a highlight of this movie is how it has this specific one scene where everything aims to a “this is gonna go as any yaoi you’ve seen” but yEEET NOPE THAT GUY IS A CREEP AND WE NEED TO RUN AND MAYBE HAVE A TALK OF OUR FEELINGS AND LET’S HUG I LOVE YOU.