Demented Purring~

This wasn't a patient he got to too late. This was his brother. And he knew something was seriously, deeply wrong with poor Zack, but he just simply thought his older brother was strong enough. That he knew to come to him if he ever needed help.

Yet here they were. Months in and counting.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence Julian gave in and finally answered: "He... He calmed down. He said he was sorry for crying so much lately... I... I don't know honestly. It doesn't really matter either. I just want to figure out a way for us to get past this...

I can't- I mean, we can't kept living like this. I can't let him continue on like this... For once in my life I don't know what to do... I probably don't even sound worthy of my title anymore, do I? Christ." He pressed a hand to his forehead as he sighed.

That half hour felt like ages. She didn’t say much more to the doctor but was able to calm down. There were no more tears. She called Darius at one point, telling him that she was going to be a bit longer. She was on the phone with him for a while, listening to what they did once they got home. According to her plan before, tomorrow would be a laundry day while also trying to find places for all the trinkets they picked up along the way of their journies. 

Then Julian got off the phone. She said goodbye to her son before slipping her phone back into her pocket. Then, with no hesitation, she went up and gave the hug that she believed both of them needed. 

He knew well that what he said meant nothing to her. But there was nothing else he can say or do. He simply tried to stall her inevitable break down for when Julian emerged again.

With the room now a distance away from her, she allowed the tears to fall. Each time she realized they were there, she tried desperately to make them go away. She was almost flailing as she sat into a chair, constantly wiping at her eyes.

"I-I don't understand. Why h-he..." But she couldn't get it out. Instead, she bent, her elbows resting on her knees. She never realized that she could hurt this much. And it wasn't her pain. It was Zack's. Every time she imagined what he must be feeling, a new flow of tears broke free. She just wanted to hold him. Tell him it was alright. Help him. But she couldn't yet.

She was letting it all go now. Her pain was now mixed in. The pain she held when she left him. The pain that came from writing every letter. The pain of taking photos with her children and thinking that if Zack would have been there, everything would have been perfect for her. The pain of thinking he hated her.

What if he did? What if that's why he forgot? That's why she forgot Luke. The pain was just too much to handle; being abandoned and knowing that someone was supposed to come. And they came just a little too late.

Zack lowered his hands and looked at her when she knelt down next to him. His eyes already looking bloodshot and teary as he looked at her so sadly. He looked so disappointed. Like he knew she was lying and he was so upset she was still doing it. He couldn't say anything. He had heard it all before, all the promises before the pretty visions melted away.

He covered his face again after a while. Muttering very quietly, too quietly, but for a second it sounded like he was begging her to stop. Stop talking. Stop lying. She couldn't be real.

He trembled when she kissed him. Freezing for a moment. When she let out a sob, so did he. He wanted to cry, badly, but he was just so tired of it all. He couldn't bring himself to.

Julian stepped forward when Ruby got near the door. Gently hugging her and telling her to go and sit down somewhere, wait for him, after which he went to his brother.

They didn't tell her. They didn't tell her that he had imagined her coming to him. That only brought more questions, more answers that she needed. How many times had he imagined her coming back for him? How many times, if he did, did he cry out for her?

She looked back to Zack for a moment. "Zack..." She breathed. "You don't need a nurse." She whispered, moving down to kneel beside him. "I'll leave you. Get you a nurse to help you calm down... But please know that I'm real. And I'll visit you." Then there was a hesitation as she stood. She leaned down, kissing the top of his head. "I miss you." She wanted to say more, but knew it wasn't best.

Zack definitely became more distressed when she started to beg. He didn't pull his hand away, however, just merely stiffened as he looked at her with a certain worried, yet also very pained expression. He was about to say something before he forced himself to stay silent, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against his hand.

"I need..." He started to follow her words. "A nurse... I can't believe I'm still hallucinating..." He muttered, more so to himself.

Two minutes.

Three passed by with her simply waiting, hanging on for something to come. Something other than silence.

But it never did.

It took all of her power not to get onto her news and beg. To not grab a hold of and scream. She needed him to be angry with her. To hate her for leaving. Anything other than... This.

"Zack..." She breathed out, starting to reach out for him before she stopped herself. "My name is Ruby. I-I just came her to visit you. Um... We used to be..." What was she supposed to say here? "We used to be really close. And I just wanted to come check up on you. But if you don't want to talk, I'll leave. I-I'll leave you alone. Just tell me what you need."

This was her begging. This was her cry for him to see her. To hear her. To remember. Carefully, she placed her hand over his.

He did, however it took him a moment to register her words. Zack, that was his name, wasn't it? He didn't even consider that she trailed off, he just thought he merely didn't hear her. That seemed to happen often lately...

He looked at her. Looking her over as though he was trying to recognize her. There wasn't really any warmth in his gaze. Nor much interest. All he saw was another sad, yet pretty face.

He figured it was yet another doctor. Here to either ask him a bunch of questions he had probably answered before or tell him to take a handful of pills he had most likely tried before.

All Ruby got was a patient, expecting gaze. He was waiting to hear what she was going to say. If she was going to repeat what he apparently didn't hear.

No hello.

No how are you.

No where the Hell have you been.

Just silence.

As she entered the room, she took slow, calculated steps. He wasn’t looking at her yet, giving her enough time to properly look at him instead. Who was this man before her? It was almost as if he was a hollowed version of the man she left behind, the man she loved. But he was still recognizable to her... Would she be for him? There were too many possibilities where the outcome resulted in her being torn from his memory by his choice. 

For a brief moment, she stopped, looking back towards Julian. She was scared to continue forward. However, she ended up doing just that. Quietly, she slipped into the seat that rested next to him, looking out the window for a moment. She needed to calm down before she spoke to him. Perhaps this was the best way. However, when she did shift her gaze, she felt close to tears. She should have never left. 

The room in which she stepped was surprisingly nice. Not the stereotypical horror scene most movies showed. It was somewhat small and clean, white walls, tile floor. There was a bed, a bed stand, a small desk and two dainty wooden armchairs by the window. Upon one of the chairs sat Zack, wearing a white shirt and grey pants. An IV bag hung beside him, it’s tubing connecting to his arm. Both arms and his neck were covered in bandages.

He was idly staring out of the window at the trees just outside. He looked empty, not unlike the other patients. Didn’t even notice when Ruby walked in. 

He seemed far more pale. And a touch thinner. A husk of the agony-fueled, yet still alive man that had begged Ruby to promise him that she’d come back.

A simple nod would be her only response initially. Then she would give a small thanks. The rest of the ride over would be in silence. Complete silence between the two. How else would they spend the time? The time for small talk had already passed. Now was the time for thinking, planning.

Unfortunately, Ruby's thoughts carried until a new doctor was before her. She had heard his voice, but what had he said? What was his name?

"Uh... No. I should be alright. But thank you. I have no questions... I would love to see him. If he acts out... I'll do what you say." She stated. "I just need to see him."

She was getting desperate. While she was not trying to race like last time, she felt like time was running out. Seconds were spinning into minutes. In her mind, minutes into hours. Why must this always happen? Once Zack was involved, time slowed. It was long, unbearable.

What made it worse was that the outcome about to come was unknown. Would you recognize her or stare at her blankly? Would he throw her out or embrace her? Would be thankful or regretful? There was only one way to get the answers she sought out.

He merely wiped his nose, sniffling slightly before looking up at Ruby. “I... I will take you to him. I’ll get you in. But... I cannot promise what his reaction to you might be. He might be happy to see you, he might greet you with contempt or even anger. He might not recognize you at all at first. I just don’t want you to be put off my his initial reaction, is all... Things... Things seem different in the asylum from how they are outside. It’s not his fault when he’s like this, either. Finding the right medication for each patient is mere trial and error, really. Not an exact science.

He has not failed to greet me with a smile nearly every single time since the start two years ago... However I can see it in his eyes when he’s forcing it. He just looks... Vacant, really. Completely and utterly lost...”

With a heavy sigh Julian got up, within half an hour both of them found themselves in front of the large asylum not too far from town. The ward which the nurses led them to was quiet, unlike the ones one would imagine with patients screaming and crying from the horrors of their minds. This ward was a suicide watch ward and it was uncomfortably quiet. Every patient, whom they passed seemed... Empty, simply put. In a daze even. 

The doctor that greeted them spoke softly, trying to be as reassuring as possible. “It’s good to see you again this week, Dr. Lee. Most relatives usually start coming only once or twice each month by now.”

“Yes, well, Zacharie is my brother. I have no choice. This is a close friend of ours, Ruby.”

It was her turn to comfort her friend, her hands going out to take one of his. She held it for a while, giving him this moment. Once she believed they were both ready, she gave a sad smile. 

He held her hand as he waited patiently for her to calm down. Once he felt she was ready, he let go and started to explain.

"After... After you left, I believe, his recovery went very slowly due to how malnourished he is. And after he left the hospital, he just... Stopped... Stopped everything. He didn't do anything, for all I know. Just sleeping day in and day out. His depression worsened. His alcoholism followed. I-I... I had no choice. I had to send him to the asylum."

Julian had to pause for a minute as his eyes were becoming red and glossy. He held his hands together by his mouth as he closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath before he slowly continued, speaking a touch more quietly now. "I was worried about him.... But I couldn't constantly be there to care for him... I convinced him to go to the asylum... He... He looked so miserable there the few months... He tried to kill himself..."

Julian stopped talking after that. Simply covering his eyes after removing his glasses. The young doctor was being eaten alive by his own guilt. He wanted to so desperately help his older brother, yet... He couldn't.

The things she had learned over the past two years from Darius was eye-opening. She now fully understood where the hatred came from. She had ideas before, but now it was completely clear. And yet, that night that the stories were told and tears shed, the mother and son also shared some laughs. The moments that had happened in Darius’s life that caused him to smile made everything feel alright. It gave the sense that not everything had to be fixed right away. For even when the boy was abused, there were days which left positive marks on him. 

The equilibrium that was created between the two of them was enough to get Ruby to the spot with Julian. But only to hear this? She was at a loss for words, her eyes glazing over. She should have never left.