Back On My Bullshit

Realizing towards the end of my day that I’m just having an extremely weird one right now. Being away from my home for this long in who knows how long has me starting to feel out of place. On top of that, my self confidence has been at an all time low. Like I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone and I don’t deserve to find any love from all the times I was bad towards someone. How pursuing relationships/dating has just made me realize how incompatible I am to find someone and the ones I’ve pushed away when I should’ve pursued them more just goes to show the world has a fun way of punishing me for how stupid I was/am. I’ve never felt like I was an attractive person and there was a time where I did feel it for a little, but just had things not fall in place like I thought they would as a way to humble my ass for feeling any different than what I’ve always felt my value is. I know I have a lot of great friends and people I consider family to me, as well as a semi healthy relationship with my direct family. But I still just feel empty in a romantic way where I feel I just give out the love I’ve wanted to give someone in so long that it feels like there’s something wrong with me. I’m sure this feeling will wash away soon, but fuck is it hitting me hard right now.