UP WE GO

"I know. I just…wanted to dance with you in front of everyone else. I’m gonna make it up to you, littlefoot. I promise." Max said softly before pecking Delilah’s cheek. Despite her need to move around, she surrendered to her exhaustion and returned to her pillow. "I’ve been laying down for a whole day, apparently.."

Delilah smiled, a little ruefully. "Okay," she whispered quietly, though there was a lump in her throat. No matter how much Max talked, Lilah still had that feeling of guilt and dread hanging over her. She watched as Max returned to her pillow, feeling slightly comforted that at least she was in a place with trained professionals. At least she was here. "You need the rest." She said as she carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. Her chest squeezed as she replayed Max's kiss on her cheek. She was here, but not really. She was like smoke; Delilah was terrified that she'd never be able to fully catch her again. She bit her lip as her head whirled. 

"Yeah, I did. I really did. But now-…now we’re here.. I wanted it to be perfect. I’m so sorry.." Max didn’t want to let go of Delilah. She wanted to hang on to her and not let her go, no matter what. Then she would be okay. "You’re so tired, sweetheart.."

"I'm fine, Max. You're up and going to get better--that's all that matters to me. It's... it's okay. Prom is just one little thing. We can dance anywhere. Anytime. I'd trade a million proms if it meant you were okay." Delilah shifted. "You should probably lay back down..."

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. Max felt a dagger right through her chest; Delilah was the one to find her. That was the absolute last thing she ever wanted. “Oh my god, baby..” she whispered. Using all of her strength, she lifted herself up off of the mattress shakily and threw her arms around her sweet girl. She was probably putting all of her weight on her, but as of then, that wasn’t a whole lot. “Stop, please Delilah? Stop blaming yourself. It-it hurts to hear you apologizing for something that wasn’t your fault. I love you. Please stop.. I-I wanted you to go ahead without you because I really wanted you to go to prom with me and I had to do something to surprise you in the dorm. I finished it, s-so you’ll see it when you go back. You just have to turn off the lights..”

"You... you wanted to go to prom? With me?" Though it was the last thing that should've been being questioned at the moment, it was the words that slipped out of her mouth. Her arms tentatively returned the hug and before long, she was squeezing her with gentle intensity. And for a moment, Delilah contemplated how odd the situation was, and how their roles had seemed to reverse. Months ago, Max had been the one anchoring Lilah. And now... now Lilah had to try and anchor Max back. "R-really? Oh. Um... o-okay. I... I haven't been to our dorm since..." Delilah trailed off, closing her eyes. Max didn't need to hear about that, nor did she need to hear how Delilah hadn't slept or ate anything since the accident. Every time she so much as thought about food, she felt as if she may throw up. And sleeping... sleeping had been entirely out of the question. She had relied on water, mostly. Water to keep her going just long enough for Max to go along side her once more. "Yeah... yeah. Okay."

Max tenderly rubbed her thumb across the top of Delilah’s hand, nodding softly. At that point, she didn’t really have a choice. She was already there, and unless she could come up with something, it’s where she was going to stay. “Yeah. I am..” she said quietly, taking a soft breath. “This doesn’t mean that you didn’t help me, Delilah.. You’ve helped me more than anyone else.”

Delilah nodded, stiffly. She didn't know quite what to say, except that she was so glad Max was getting help. Real help. "Um- good." She murmured, looking at their clasped hands. The girl was her lifeline. How had she let her slip like this? How? Without further warning, tears started to slide down the brunette's cheeks. "I thought- I thought I lost you. When I found you, I..." She shook her head. "I'm so sorry I didn't get there sooner. I'm so sorry."

Delilah’s touch sent a wave of relief throughout Max’s body, and it gave her enough strength to turn her wrist so she could take her best friend’s hand, entwining their fingers. It made her feel safe. “I love you so much.” she whispered, desperately trying to pull herself together. “More than anything else..”

"I- I love you too." Her voice was barely a whisper, and she tried hard to fight against the still present gruesome images of Max on their bathroom floor. But she was sure that it would always, always, always be there now. It was there--it happened. There was no denying it: only trying to move forward. "You're... you're, um- you're going to get help, right?"

[Emi sighed softly] Max has become like a daughter to her. And as far as Waverly knows, she’s the only person who has ever acted like a parent at all. She knew just as much as you did, Delilah, so if you keeping your friend’s secret is what’s to blame, then Waverly is to blame as well, along with myself.

"Delilah if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have even tried to get better. I didn’t see a fucking point until you became my roommate.” Max cried, just wanting to get out of bed and hold her best friend, but she was so weak. “I wanted to get better for you.” Taking a deep breath, she tried to prepare her next words carefully to not sound so pathetic. “M-my dad called..” she whispered, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. “I had myself convinced that I didn’t care about what he said to me but-…” Max began to crumble, staring at the ceiling. “H-he made me want t-to die..”

[Emi held her tighter as she cried, listening to every word she said but finding them all so silly.] We knew, my love. We all tried to help her, but what are we supposed to do? Lock her up so we never have to take our eyes off of her? Someone with these issues…it takes more than a support system to tear them away. It is a part of them. She will get better, Delilah. We just have to keep reminding her that we are always here, and that we will always love her. [She paused, not knowing if she should share the next part, but the girl was Max’s best friend and deserved to know just as much] Waverly-…she thinks Max’s father had something to do with what happened..

What... what would Miss Matthews know about this?

Oh, Delilah… [Emilie immediately got up and put her arms around the girl] It wasn’t your fault, sweetheart.. Max is a very troubled girl; none of us knew this was going to happen. But Delilah…you have to understand. There is no one in the world who that girl loves more than you. If she heard you blaming yourself, it would break her heart..

What do you mean, my love? Look at all you have accomplished.

Delilah, darling, congratulations..

I-- I don't really feel like I have much to be congratulated for right now.