small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

i remember you peeled your shoes off and tossed them behind you, barefoot, running through the scalding sand with arms outstretched to greet the wind. you threw your head back in delight and spun a quick twirl, teetering back and forth on your toes. you beckoned me then, the wildest, the most liberated grin stretching across your face. your curls hung soft and pretty over your dark eyelashes, your t shirt sat lopsided over your shoulders, and you, you were dancing in the sand, trying your hardest not to get burned. i chuckled at you, i told you to go out and run your fingers through the ocean, dip your feet in, make the edge of the earth your own. and so you did.  and all i could do was watch from afar. smiling to myself, wondering how on earth i was so lucky to get a chance to love you.

things aren’t pretty at all. today, i woke up on the wrong side of the bed with a fork jabbed into my throat. i coughed up blood that looked like that one time i didn’t yell ‘FUCK YOU’ at some boy absolutely begging me to bang his brains out.  today, i dipped myself into fire and watched my skin blister and burn. i pondered if i could live my life without my skin- or without my face- or without my body. i mostly wondered if i could live life invisible?  today, i wondered how many men i could get to fuck me. all at once. probably like seventy. i’d rather fuck seventy girls at once though.    today, my lips fell off my face. i was like “whoa what the fuck?” but then they started kissing me everywhere- and damn my lips can kiss better than (Caden?) from last weekends party. today, i experimented with witchcraft. if you’ve pissed me off- you’re cursed, bitch boy. today, i ate my stomach raw. like, without any seasoning. (crazy right?) it tasted okay- mostly like frozen lasagna and a shit load of dark chocolate. But this time, my pride was too massive to choke down- and all of (Cameron’s?) lies were spit up (sorry, I didn’t swallow this time.) today, my skin crawled off of my body and left me bare, just muscle and bone. I stood bloody red, dripping, naked. and then began to run. I decided to chase down every man who ever sent me some disgusting dick pic when all I wanted were kind eyed puppies. Who’s screaming now, (Jonathan?) today, my body said “fuck you” and i said “no, baby please come home” she said “you better love me harder” and i said “baby i won’t do you wrong. i swear it.” today, things got really ugly. today was a war with myself, but today my body came home. things have never been pretty at all. fuck you for expecting my healing to be so poetic. this is my story and i revel in the gory.

conversation 1: cheese borger