no theme, just memes

Word of advice to not go outside and romantise a sunrise at 5 o'clock in the morning during summer. You will end up with tons of mosquitoe bites.

33 bites in 15 minutes

Fuck your horoscope, your prediction for next year is determined by the songs on your spotify wrapped for your birthdate (m/d/yy)

So I just made a joke that "more women should poison their husbands" to my cool boss and then immediately found out that he got divorced because he was poisoned by his ex-wife

I'm apologizing profusely and he's like "oh it's fine it was funny" and then he offhandedly mentions that his next girlfriend tried to poison him also

Yeah this is going to break containment babe.

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

sorry i turned your boyfriend into a minecraft block and then broke him down into 9 ingots and then broke each of those 9 ingots into 9 nuggets and then placed each nugget in a glowing item frame in a grid pattern over an area of 81 thousand blocks squared

Love it when you put butter into a pan that's still warming and the butter starts slidin around like where you goin girl