you've built your life again
with your plants and your flowers blooming every spring,
and forming new shade's patterns with the trees you germinated.
thinking about my backyard again and again,
and everytime i left, i'd come back to something new.
a new ceiling, a new person, a new conversation to have, a new pet
nothing ever felt the same for me, but i still hoped to come back to my backyard.
the one i left that early evening i had to pack up my notebooks and leave, because i had no choice.
i wished I would've been a tree, so then i would've grounded my roots to the ground and don't miss a single thing,
don't miss a single change,
don't miss this–right here.
i wouldn't miss running in the fields, riding my bike to the sunset, reading, writing scenary poetry.
i would just live right here.
i would write right here, i would dream right here, climb this tree, marry our neighbour. i would've been happy, ignorant, tiny, and oh, so happy.
I've learnt so much and known too many people, even though I'm shy and barely leave my house. but none of them–none of it ever fazed me like this place has. like this house has, this backyard, these trees, this air, this nightsky, this dog, this home.
i've read the word ephemeral in a bookmark i got on some fair, and i stuck with it.
i've always known the meaning, I've known the sound and the pronunciation running in my tongue.
but right now, it's the first time i have ever felt it. truly felt it and understood it.
a moment it's not just ephemeral because of time, just because you grow up and leave memories behind.
a moment is ephemeral because the beings you've shared it with, are gone. and someday, they'll all be gone. and when people are gone, the moments and who you were in that time at that context, is also gone with them. it only lives in you–nowhere else.
so you carry it on your back and you cry silently at night but you know; physically there's no other place these moments can be.
these people around you, they've never truly known you, not like you know they had. so when you pack up your things to come back, you get near, and you know the puzzle pieces come together inside just because here is where you belong. where you've always belonged and where you'll always belong.
and somehow, someday, you just have to share this feeling with someone.