Del

There's something, both harrowing and horrifying, about having the rug of comfort pulled from under your feet and to realize you are never ever for your whole entire life going to be able to understand the world enough for it to stop insisting you are saying or doing things you are absolutely not saying or doing. People find your practice of the invisible magics offensive, but you do not know or understand the invisible magics. You never have.

There's something, both harrowing and horrifying, about looking at someone whose swimming in the lake and realizing that even though they could swim to shore; they insist you learn to swim with your lead feet. They say you don't have to be good at it, they say you can doggie paddle, but when you say "I can't do that, I sink every time, one day i'll drown" they say "but you can try!"

There's something, both harrowing and horrifying, about realizing that the entire world around you wants you to dump endless effort into a bottomless void to attempt to appear like you can understand something that you will never ever for your whole entire life be able to so much as touch, let alone grasp.

There's something, both harrowing and horrifying, about spending over a decade, infact about two, of your life pouring endless time and effort into attemping to obtain the unobtainable only to find that no, you are not allowed to stop trying. It doesn't matter how low you feel, how deeply you hurt, how lost you are, how much you observably, demonstrably, objectively cannot fucking obtain this skill that the gods gave everyone on the fucking planet except for you.

You must try anyways, so says the world, because YOU are the odd one out. It is YOU who is incomprehensible. It is YOU who is impossible to understand. It is YOU who must learn to percieve the invisible magics rather than have your physical materials be understood as they are. You cannot see the invisible magics. Everyone can see your physical materials.

You polish the materials. You're extremely careful about how they're presented. You have systems and failsafes set up for replacing materials. You try so very hard to tweak your materials to have perfect edges and clean lines. You always collect new ones to help others understand you. It's not enough. It never will be.

There's something, both harrowing and horrifying, about being haunted by what you cannot percieve or understand, about being haunted by the desire to just stop torturing yourself already because everyone can see your materials just fine, about being haunted by the understanding that your materials will never be understood by their own textures and colors and shapes no matter what you do.

[ARTFIGHT] Forever be together

You pause before reacting, even if it’s just for a second.

You notice your thoughts instead of immediately believing all of them.

You have moments, small, quiet ones where things feel a little lighter, even if they don’t last long.

You are starting to recognize what hurts you, even if you don’t know how to fix it yet.

You come back to yourself a little faster than you used to.

You let yourself rest sometimes, without as much guilt.

You are more aware of what you need, even if you struggle to give it to yourself.

You are trying. Even on the days where it feels like you are failing, you are still here, still moving through it.

You have days that feel okay, and instead of them feeling impossible, they feel… real, even if unfamiliar.

You are learning that not every thought deserves your attention.

You are still hurting sometimes, but it doesn’t feel exactly the same as before.

Healing doesn’t always look like big changes.

Sometimes it looks like this, small shifts, quiet awareness, softer moments that come and go.

And even if it doesn’t feel like progress, it is.

You are not stuck in the exact same place you were before.

Something in you is changing.

Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s subtle.

Spin the wheel. This Greek mythological figure is trying to kill you

Spin the wheel again. This Greek mythological figure is trying to protect you

Cassandra attacking and Orpheus defending.

if I make these links clickable they'll get deleted so please copy and paste them:

Livestream: https://www.twitch.tv/enderempress

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.