My heart is beating so fast. The people are smiling sincerely as if this is one of the happiest moments in their lives.
“Hey!” Jackson hyung tapped my shoulder. Jaebeom hyung fixed my necktie and suit. “Are you ready Youngjae?” Jinyoung hyung asked me.
“You can do this Youngjae right?” Mark hyung asked from behind. I turned back and nodded at him, Bambam and Yugyeom nodded back at me and I replied with another smile.
“Let’s go prepare to sing with our hearts…” I said. We walked to the side where the seven microphones were arranged. The music started to play and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen entered the church and slowly walks down the aisle. My eyes is blurring out because of the tears trying to escape from it. “I do love this woman…” I whispered to myself as I began singing her favorite song that she once told me she like to have in her wedding.
She looks shocked when our eyes met. She never expected this and I never told her that I and my friends will be singing now. A few drops of tears also escaped her eyes.
So happy that she’s even crying right now.
I’m relieved. I made her happy, because making her happy is my top priority.
I visited my brother in his café with Jaebeom hyung and Bambam and brought some gifts for the opening.
“Dongsaeng!” my surprised brother walked towards me and hugged me as if this is the first time he has seen me.
“Hyung!” I tried to escape but he almost choked me tightening his hug even more. Jaebeom hyung and Bambam are laughing from behind enjoying how I am being tortured. He rumpled my hair before facing Jaebeom hyung and Bambam to thank them for coming with me.
“Hello…” a girl interrupted us, smiling weirdly? Awkwardly?? “I’m actually applying as a waitress. Uhm… saw this last week on the street but I can’t find the exact address since I’m new here and kind of dumb with directions…” she said while showing a flyer. Her hair is in bun and a bit messy, wearing a plain white and a little oversize shirt with matching rip jeans. Her sneakers have holes and I don’t think she ever cleaned it once. She has a pointed nose, not a so small face but she has kiss---! She has a pinkish lips! Her eyelashes are long and black same as her thick eyebrows. She smiled and it showed her perfect white teeth. She doesn’t look perfect but she looks amazi-----!
Jaebeom hyung nudged my elbow. “Yah! Don’t make yourself too obvious if you’re going to check her out…” I raised an eyebrow when I saw Bambam grinning at me with his teasing meme face. What?!
“We’re still in need of waitress anyway so I guess you’re hired.” My eyes widened. He hired her that fast? I looked at him with questioning eyes. “Should I ask her to leave and don’t come back then?” He said again while looking directly at me and my eyes widened even more. What is he doing?? Does he want me to look like the cruelest person here?
I almost fell from my back when the girl suddenly kneeled down in front of me. “Please… I really need this job. I promise I’m a trustworthy person! I’m honest! I’m a fast learner! I’m a good employee! I’m responsible! And I’m….” she paused thinking what to say next to describe herself. “…I’m….cute…?” I stifled from laughing when she tries to be cute. Cocoyah! Haha I don’t know why but I suddenly remember Coco.
I offered my hand and held hers as I accompanied her to stand up. “You don’t have to kneel. This is my brother’s café so he has every right to hire who he wants…” she grabbed my right hand with her both hands thanking me. The warmth of her hands brought her sincerity to my heart. “Thank you” she said and smiled at me.
“Can I start working now?” she asked my brother.
“Of course. I’ll leave you for a moment guys, I need to teach her some things about her work and obligations. Youngjae, take care of JB and Bam okay?”
“I will hyung, you don’t have to tell me that…” he shook his head and left with…
“Yah! You can ask for her name later so don’t be so sulky…”
“Ayy what are you saying hyung? I’m not being sulky!”
“Don’t fool us Youngjae hyung. We’ve known each other for long so don’t try to be secretive, that won’t work.” Bambam said, I sighed. Tss!
Days passed by and I became friends with her. She can comfortably share her thoughts with me and so am I.
“Haizt! Jaejae your brother hates me! He made me over worked yesterday and I was really tired that I cannot even change clothes before going to bed!”
“I told you it’s not that I want you to over work. We had a lot of customers yesterday and two of our staffs were sick so we don’t have a choice. I even helped in serving the customers you know it…”
“Hey! I’m just joking so stop explaining…” my brother sighed out of frustration before walking out.
“Haha what did you do? You’re giving him a hard time…” I said while having fun seeing my brother a bit frustrated. Haha he’s indeed a normal person!
“Don’t worry Jaejae, I just need to show him my Coco face and he’ll be okay!” she said and winked.
“I told you not to imitate Coco. She’s too cute and you don’t give her the justice of imitating her!”
“Yah!” she slapped my arm.
“Are you saying I’m not cute?!”
I crossed my arms in front to protect myself from the hitting but instead of getting one she put her arm around my shoulder and whispered “So if I’m not cute… Am I sexy?” I got stiffed, her warm breath gives me chills and it isn’t a normal feeling for me. “Hahaha! Why are you so shock? You’ve been hearing that line from JB countless times! Okay, gotta work now! I’ll bring you your favorite Sir!” she said then left.
Her smile, her laugh… it’s so good to see and hear it every day.
It was our final concert in Seoul and end of our world tour. I was so happy because she’s there with my family and even if there are thousands of baby birds who came to see us I feel like I can still hear her voice though it blends with everyone’s in the venue.
I met her and my family backstage and they were so happy that we had the final concert successful. When it’s time to go, she grabbed my hand and asked me for some talk.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked. The happy face she displayed a while ago turned into a sad one.
She shook her head. “No…nothing. I’m just happy to have a famous and great musician friend.” She said but I don’t believe her. Tears started to run down her face and that breaks my heart.
“You’re lying. You said you’re an honest person but you’re lying to me right now. I’m your friend you know it, come on tell me what is wrong.”
“Nah. I said this is nothing.” She insisted but my mind can’t seem to have a peace because I know in my heart there is something bothering her. She held my face and smiled at me.
After she left, that was the time I realized that I love her. Or maybe that was the time I get to admit to myself that I am in love with her, since the first time I saw her.
The day after, I head to my brother’s café. Everything in her looks normal like nothing happened, like she didn’t cry and talked to me about something. Maybe it’s time for me to confess my feelings and tell her how much I want to make her happy every day and love her with all my heart. I will never want to see her cry again and I will promise to prevent it from happening again in every way.
“Hey!” she greeted me with the most beautiful smile I’ve seen as I enter and honestly, that smile already made my day. I just let her do her work and watch every move she make which looks amazing to me.
No matter what she does like from serving the customer, carrying the tray, wiping her sweats and even fixing her hair without brushing it is amazing.
I asked a minute or two from her break. “You wanna say something?” she asked. I grabbed her hand and look straight into her beautiful eyes.
“I know this is not the right time, place or timing but…” I feel so nervous. This is my first time confessing my feelings to someone and I feel like my chest is going to burst.
“Oh! Everything seems wrong then!” she joked.
“Okay okay I’ll stop! Haha!”
“I don’t think I can keep this any longer… I… I lo…ve you! I LOVE YOU!” I said quickly then looked down. I’m proud of falling in love with her but confessing is a bit embarrassing.
She held my face and made me look at her. “Jae…”
Until now, she’s still the most beautiful woman in my eyes.
I love you (for a very long time)
All day long I wait for your reply
I keep writing and erasing to make sure
There’s no mistake in my words
I accidently say things that I don’t mean
That I practiced in front of the mirror
Are all forgotten when I stand
In front of you, flustering me
My hands hesitate in front of yours
My heartbeat sound getting louder,
You may not feel the same way as I do
I may never see you again, that’s what I’m afraid of
Don’t have the courage to tell you
With this song let me open my heart to you
She held my brother’s hand as she reaches the altar. They both looked at me first so I nodded and smiled at them. My eyes can’t seem to control the tears from flowing so I just let it.
Confessing your feelings to someone is risking your heart whatever answer you get. I confessed to her and never expected to be answered that she’s going to marry him. I didn’t regret it though. She’s marrying my brother and that’s a relief.
And if they know, I hope they just pretend that they didn’t know that I am in pain and my heart is bleeding so bad.
Because as I said, her happiness is my top priority. And no matter how much it hurts, I still want to be happy for her.
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