deersui

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ SUI'S DESK

Hopeless romantic ✶ Koga Yudai

✴️: angst, marriage, regret, skinship, k is higkey a foolish man, sexual intimacy, mdni, AFAB reader. wc 659

4AM and Yudai wakes up to the loud alarm he set a few hours before he finished dinner. He immediately sat up, rubbed his eyes and tried his best to stand up without falling back down on his floor.

Everytime he thought of you at this very day, his heart skips a beat. His feelings were too big for him, that having to smell your scent in public makes his heart race, to hear you laugh made him immediately blush, when you asked for his opinions on what dresses made you prettier made him feel secure of himself for having you.

And now, he will see you wear a white gown on your wedding.

In all honesty, Yudai couldn’t sleep. His mind was too euphoric to even think of sleeping, not even melatonin could make him rest. He was full of life because of you.

You two went on multiple dates, many hangouts with or without your friends, and even spent majority of your time together figuring out what you wanted in the future,

Yudai would listen to every word you say, the specific flowers you’d want when you’re on a date, the things you find amusing or disturbing, what movies you want to watch over and over again, your comfort food, the things you do when you’re on your menstruation, the food you hate to consume because of the texture. He made you feel safe, he made you seen, he helped you overcome your insecurities, he helped made you, you.

Early in the morning, he already had to take a hot bath and cooked himself good food to eat for the morning, went to the gym, showered, and head back to his house to bath and change onto his suit and tie.

The clock strikes 7 in the morning and he was already greeted by busy people at the street while he strides towards the flower shop, buying a customized 200 flower bouquet full of hydrangeas, lilies, and alstroemerias; your only favorite flowers.

He keeps remembering fragments of those precious moments. The time when it was your first time snowboarding and he tutored you, when you felt less confident joining a dance competition because you were competing with professional dancers but had assured you you were doing great, when you traveled to norway alone to prove your narcissistic parents who often degraded you that you can be independent- but got lost, so lost that Yudai booked a plane ticket in the middle of dinner to go get you,

when you both shared your first kiss in paris, that you told him back then during your hangout that when you wanted something to happen to you romantically, you wanted it to be in paris where the person you loved dearly would kiss you while the eiffel tower lights flicker during midnight,

That it immediately turned into the two of you also taking away each other’s virginity at your airbnb. His plush lips deeply kissing yours that he held your bare body beneath him so delicately as if you’d break, that when you both had sex he made sure it was slow and passionate just like how you’d fantasize your first time, where your body isn’t too sore after sex, and you still had the energy to share a bath together and eat food as aftercare,

The moment when he proposed to you and you said yes, making him the happiest man in the world, ready to spoil you, give you his everything when he already did,

When you both shared your first ever serious fight, that he was begging on his knees, his face buried against your thighs crying about his mistakes that made him look like an awful person.

Days after that, you forgave him but was then unsure if you’d still want to be with him or go in your own lane, separate yourself from him and what you want to do after your first serious fight.

It had you thinking of moments where you’d let go of the heavyweights in your relationship that you both had to grow out of it, and accept that it shouldn’t happen again.

Yudai arrives at the venue just in time, just in time to see you enter the church gates with a white veil that covered your head, wearing the white gown you’ve always wanted to wear ever since you were little.

His heart pounds fast every time you walk near him, heart pounding too hard he doesn’t realize how much he was smiling.

Now that you’re in front of him, you reached for his hand, smiling back “I’m lucky to have a person like you in my life” you told him, as you continued to walk towards the aisle, where your fiancé awaits.

Yudai watches you from his seat, saying your wedding vows and I do’s in front of your now husband. That he felt like if he’d not fuck up that night, he would’ve been the person you were kissing in front of family and friends to verify your love and affection.

He lost you, but you found yourself, you found yourself, and he saw you from that distance that you were at your most beautiful.

Yudai only wanted to see you happy— because you mattered the most to him, that if it meant having to see you marry someone you loved would make him feel loved as well. Even if that man isn’t him.

📳

Boyfriend ✶ Wang Yixiang

✴️: insecurities, kissing, self-doubt, angst, heavy yearner nicho, hurt/comfort, slight misunderstanding, fluff, AFAB reader 1.3k wc

🆗: this is my first fic here and probably my first time writing a &team fic omg

Nicholas had been staring at you from afar at a house party your common friend hosted. Since then, it only had occurred to him how many men were waiting for you.

To give more context, the relationship started when you both were in your freshmen year in university. He met you at a thrift shop where you worked part time because it was your friend’s business that actually earns a lot and you wanted to help your friend as someone who wanted to have job experience.

He frequently went there during your shift hours when you’re not in uni, and bought a lot of secondhand clothes, trying to get your attention but it all failed.

You however, never paid attention to costumers not until you once almost lost your digicam at the thrift shop and Nicholas helped you find it. And when he did find your camera, he asked for your number so that he’d be updated on the new releases of the shop, until you two started going on multiple dates and did happen to fall in love deeply with each other.

In his eyes, you were a very attractive girl. Attractive in all aspects; you were academically intelligent and street smart, you knew how to take care of yourself and had a very strict program where you made sure all of the things that are on your habits are being done, you had time management, dresses up very well, and very extroverted.

He wouldn’t even imagine himself having his dream woman as his very own girlfriend. You were his, and Nicholas was yours. Everyone knew that. He made sure of it.

All of those aspects all boils down into having him be anxious about you though. He knew you two were secure of each other, you trust him and he trusts you so much. But Nicholas couldn’t trust himself.

As the relationship grew and years passed, he’d notice many guys going after you, chasing you even that they’d step out of Nicholas’ way just to have you. You rejected them all firmly and told them you already have a happy and healthy relationship with thee Nicholas Wang. He observed that and didn’t mind until recently where he only realized how many guys have approached you fiercely even during your dates.

All of these men are from what he knew were your standards as well. Tall, fair, clean looking; unlike him who often wore clothes that match his dark aesthetics, they presented themselves very masculine and charming. That he had been doubting his own appearance; his blonde wolf cut that he had to dye back to black and cut short, removed a few of his facial piercings, and even dressed less when he often dresses flamboyantly.

To his attitude, his behavior around you in public, even to the random gifts he gives you— that Nicholas overthinks it that you’d hate the chrome hearts and vivienne westwood jewelry he gifted when you might’ve liked something more because that’s what people had been giving you.

He hates to admit it, but Nicholas became very insecure the more he sees and observes you being approached by men who he thought have lived up to your standards more.

After chatting with your friends from Anatomy and Physiology class, Nicholas walked towards you ignoring his own doubts of himself. Gently holding your back as you looked up to see him with a bright smile on your face.

“Baby!” Your arms snake up to his neck, pressing a kiss on his lips. “You said you’d be grabbing punch and come back asap”

“Oh… I said that?” Nicholas puts his arms on your waist.

“Weno baby, you said that around 30 minutes ago. I felt a bit lonely here not until my friends found me”

Nicholas gives you a smile “Apologies sweetheart, I got carried away by the crowd that I got separated by my wife”

“That’s okay, Weno” you then let go of him to look at your camera. Nicholas then looks at you still with a smile in his face.

“Baby, please come with me to the restroom. I need to retouch my makeup” Nicholas nods and guided you towards the restroom. He told you he’d wait outside as the area was empty.

Soon enough, another guy comes around the area. He glanced at the guy to see the person and recognized him immediately. It was one of the guys from his music class wearing a hoodie, some jeans, and a pair of old converses. Nicholas ignored him after that since the restroom was public, not until he eavesdropped the conversation between the two of you from the outside.

“I’ve heard you work at the thrift shop your friend owns?”

“Yeah, what about it?” your voice tone being disinterested while you try to reapply your lipstick.

“I’ve heard that’s where you met your boyfriend? Look, I’d go straight to the point here. But you certainly shouldn’t date guys like him”

“What do you mean by that? Do you have something against Nicholas?”

“Nicholas Wang is a guy from my Music class and is actually tacky, and brainless, he makes you look cheap. He’s a scary person even from a distance and isn’t worth it at all. You need a guy who matches your appearance and can make you feel and look like a woman. Not like him”

“Like me?” Nicholas thought, his eyes slowly looking down to his clothes. Eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his jewelry, fingers gently touching his hair and piercings that made him spiral even deeper.

That was his last straw. His heart began to feel heavy, hand covered his mouth silencing a cry the moment he felt his eyes water and a tear dropped on his cheek while he continued to listen silently.

Was he ever a good boyfriend? Why would many men still approach her when she’s clearly in a relationship? Was he enough?

“You don’t even know him” You told the guy, capping your lipstick and placing it back inside your purse without holding eye contact. “My boyfriend makes me feel comfortable and confident about himself. How dare you even talk like that to him when you barely know him.”

“Nicholas never made me feel that I was worthless and puts more effort in himself than you who looks chopped in basic clothing. At least my boyfriend knows how to dress well and take care of himself that he manages to share his love to people.” You stated to him, the guy looks away and smirked in disbelief.

“Like i’d believe that” the guy looks at you, mocking. “You should be with someone like me, or any guy that’s decent enough”

“My Nicholas is beyond decent and more of a gentleman than you. Just because you went to the same class as him doesn’t give you the right to act like a straight up dickhead to his girlfriend.” You walked away passing by him.

“And just so you know” You added “My boyfriend is not scary at all. In fact, he looks like an angel. You’re the tacky brainless dickhead here.”

The moment you left the restroom you found Nicholas just behind the doorframe with his head low, and hands covering his mouth.

“Weno?” You palmed his cheeks and felt it damp, a gush of sadness creeps onto you when you realized he heard everything the guy said to you.

“Let’s go home please?”

The car ride towards your shared loft apartment was silent, he hasn’t said anything when you kept reassuring, hand grabbing his. The moment you closed the door Nicholas grabs your hand and walked towards the bed, pulling into a tight hug while you lean on the headboard.

“I don’t even know why i’m crying when I have you. I love you so deeply that even the little things hurt me” his head nuzzled on the crook of your neck.

“Oh weno.. baby I’m sorry you had to hear that from that guy.” One of your hands stroked his back while the other brushed against his hair. “That guy who claimed he’s from your music class was a big jerk”

“It’s been in my head for a while, i’ve been self critical of myself. I know that you reject tons of guys but I can’t help but compare myself to them.. they are the men who appeal to you while i’m just some guy you’ve met at the thrift store who bothered to find your digicam”

“Weno? what do you mean by that?”

“We’ve been together for years, but every time a guy who fits your standards confesses to you I feel like i’m less important, and is just an ugly person. I keep asking myself if i’m worthy of your own grace because from the looks of it, i’m not”

When Nicholas said that, your mouth parted with his own confession that all of what he said were lies.

Nicholas Wang was a very attractive snd talented guy, he had been scouted by modeling agencies in his instagram dms a few times and he was absolutely beyond average when it comes to sports and arts, and was a very respectful guy, probably the only respectful person you know asides from your friend and your father.

He had a great eye in fashion and has a bright future ahead of him. Nicholas was also a very caring person and would give his whole life to you that he would sacrifice his soul if it were legal.

And he didn’t see that. He lost his confidence to men who weren’t half the man as he is.

“Weno, sweetheart. Who said those guys were my standard?” You cooed. He lifts up his head, looking at you with teary eyes.

“Huh? But they—“

“They are not you. And I never show interest to men who aren’t you, at least except my father but still— Those men could never do the things you did for me”

You continued to comfort him, thumbs wiping the tears in his eyes, moving closer to press your lips against his, feeling his breathing still unsteady from crying, kissing every part of his face; his forehead, nose, eyes, lips, wet cheeks, then back to his lips again.

“I chose you because you showed me that you could never hurt me or make me feel like i’m less of a woman to love, and you make me feel loved” you pressed your forehead to his, whispering.

“you give me happiness, give me proof that if we get married we won’t starve, because I am always spoiled by your fortunes, that I feel so thankful to have you because you share your love to me”

“you buy me gifts that are very precious and thoughtful, you do things that are beyond your control and comfort for me that I sometimes doubt that I might not reciprocate everything because you already gave me your everything. and I’m so lucky to have you in my life”

“I’m sorry for the burst out…” Nicholas sits up straight and sat beside you. He reaches for your waist, you straddle on his lap then coddled onto his chest with your ear pressed to hear his heartbeat.

“I just noticed many guys approaching you even on our dates so easily that I keep on remembering those days I prayed that you’d finally look at me in the eye and talk to me” Nicholas breathes out deep, hands brushing the strands of your hair as you sat on top of him.

“I don’t want to lose you to guys I thought were more suitable for your appearance”

“Weno” You pressed your hands on the headboard, looking directly at him. “Those men are shit. And you’re better than them in all ways”

“Always?” He whispers forehead touching yours, Nicholas tilts his head to meet your lips, giving you a deep kiss. You pulled away slightly, smiling

“Always”

📳

DEERSUI LIBRARY:

✴️: I don’t write smut, however, all entries may be fluff, suggestive, angst or wtv the genre. I only write about &TEAM, MEOVV, AESPA, NEWJEANS, ENHYPEN, LNGSHOT & CORTIS, reader is AFAB

OFF THE SHELF

LOVE IS ONLY A FEELING — Wang Yixiang