Venting & Poetry

…longing for attention from someone

…but not just anyone?

…you ever become so transparent that you complain to your friends that you want more and you’re feeling needy

But their kind response of offering a listening ear….just doesn’t suffice

I want you

I want your attention

I want you to crave me the way that I crave you

I want you to feel agonizingly pained by the amount of passion you feel flooding your chest

I want you to want my company to talk for hours and experience new things and not just with the goal in mind, of getting undressed

I hope you feel this tension for me and when you do I hope I don’t care

Cause nothing is worse than how I’m feeling right now , sitting in this feeling and unable to share

With you the desperation inside

If life is short then I should rush as quickly as possible

And seize everything the moment I decide it’s mine

Why wait? Why hesitate?

So much that now that we aren’t talking and I have to text 10 friends just to make up for our lack of conversation….

And you’re only ONE person….just you

YOU ALONE had me satisfied

Trying to avoid loosing my mind over you

I sent a text to said Good Morning & that I hope you’re having a good day.

I got no response and as usual is just seems like a big screw you

You don’t have the decency to just tell me your busy? It takes 10 seconds to formulate a reply

Maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s you and your hectic mind

You say you care for other people, you say you spread yourself too thin

But who buys themselves, new clothes , new shoes, who is constantly concerned about their appearance?

You may be kind at times, caring at times, even selfless

However, I feel you spend more of your time in your head, thinking about yourself, what you want and your problems

You should worry , but not to the extent where that’s all you do is drown yourself in big fat woe is me fest

My heart is getting my excited and for the first time in a long time

It isn’t afraid

You’re slowly cracking me open

You’re slowly working your way in

You’re putting forth effort consistency , things I’ve never been given

You really open up , you really dont hold back. You’re sure, you’re confident, I just I wish I had ways of speaking about you in a way I have not yet expressed towards others

“Can I have permission to invade your personal space for just a moment”?

You’ve touched my soul with your need for smooth r&b vibes

I crave the same slow jams

I long to hear your voice, tell me what’s on your mind, tell me where you see you & I in time

Why lie? I want you to be mine, I want to be around for your best moments and for your worst

Show me every side, I won’t back away 

Tell me every little thing that lingers in the back of your mind

I’m so afraid of you

Have I ever met someone so....extraordinary?

My guard is no longer up, the walls fell down after our first phone call and I don’t know if I should keep myself in check...

Or just allow myself to free fall

It is all in the little things..

How you fit my name into nearly every sentence

How you make me laugh so effortlessly

You constantly run your mouth and I don’t care like, talk all you want, I want to know everything, every little detail

From your first love to what you ate for breakfast

If I meet no one else, I am content

If this goes nowhere, I am content

Your mind is a endless wonderland of ideas, knowledge and humor

My doubts have faded, the past doesn’t mean a thing...

You make me nervous, you make me scared,

The possibility they could be all that you’ve wished for

The possibility they could bring out the worst in you

It’s a risk

Have you ever fallen for a voice? 

The slight rasp to it takes you to the woods , filled with pine trees and a cute cabin with a warm fire blazing inside

Welcoming you into the unknown world of this new voice, that feels so safe

Because they always know what to say when things go south

Because they always pick up when you give them a call

Because they have little mannerisms that you like so much you start to enunciate your words the way they do

But as you know, nothing lasts forever....

And things come to an abrupt halt when you finally meet face to face

And that voice...does not match the photos they sent

And that voice...even sounds slightly less masculine than it did over the phone...

If I think too deeply about it I become concerned for myself 

My mother suffocates my siblings and I with rules and restrictions

This doesn’t help keep us in line, it only forces us to want to rebel

She often questions why I have trouble listening to her and its simple.

Her demands and commands don’t sound right or genuine to me, it sounds like she’s just nitpicking because she is unhappy with herself and her life, not because I’m doing wrong

I don’t understand why she doesn’t comprehend the negative effects she has on all of us, she didn’t live a perfect obedient life

So why expect us to? We are going to make mistakes, that’s how you live and learn. 

How does it feel to have a best friend and a lover all in one? 

I thought I experienced this once.....

But I was sadly mistaken...

Does such a sentiment exist? 

To love and to truly be loved back?

Or is it all a fantasy? 

I can imagine it, but I can’t grasp it

And that thought alone scares me into thinking

I’m beginning to wonder if you exist

A man that knows how to be honest and not look other ways when things get difficult

I’ve met a few but none that cause my eyes to spark with excitement

Perhaps, it’s all a silly fantasy of mine

Too magical to truly take place

I would LOVE to meet someone like Batman

He’s tall, dark, mysterious

Yet kind and caring in his own way

He keeps to himself and isn’t super cocky

He has his own dark past that he chooses to share with those he is super close with

I just love everything about him

He’s attractive but doesn’t know it

He’s smart

& I like that he doesn’t talk a whole lot