god help the gays

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

a sentence ive never uttered before but im like kinda dying to know what wilbur soot thinks of the tyler catastrophe guy

It's becoming clearer that sometimes when I say "use your local library" it's taken as "use a public library" and while that is definitely something you should be doing if you can, I'm usually talking about any library that's accessible to you!! Lending libraries, online libraries, school libraries, all of these are important to use as well!! If you have access to them, use them!! "Your local library" means any library that is local to you!

ughhhh the two guys i kidnapped and tied up together in my basement aren't even developing any sexual tension they're just crying and whimpering 🙄🙄🙄 fuck my stupid fujo life

needs at least three gorillas

Perfection.

sorry i got a boner when u said something really heartfelt and sweet and held me and reassured me that im okay. theres a lot of wires crossed in my poor diseased brain when it comes to that sort of thing

Is that a hard penis in your pants or is it something different than that? Also: do you hate me?

Fuck it we bawl (starts sobbing uncontrollably)