How are you able to tell if you like someone in a romantic way?? No please someone help
I'm out of first year of high school now and up until recently I was almost POSITIVE I was never going to like someone like that. I've never had a crush in my life UNTIL a few months ago but I don't know if it's a crush and I'm super confused with myself I really need someone to explain this to me please....... (⌒_⌒;)
I moved schools the summer before the last year of middle school, so I only knew this person for a year (or I guess near to two years now), but something in our friendship changed a few months ago that still weighs on my heart as embarrassed as I am to admit it even though I'm almost positive they've moved on and forgotten most of how they felt.
He (yes it's a guy, lesbian allegations die out please) started getting REALLY really friendly around October last year where he started making sort of vague jokes?? I can't point them out without looking schizo but it'll all make sense later I swear just keep reading. Me him and one other friend started to get SUPER duper close too since we were in a group chat that was made to share terrible out of context clips to of each other. We all started talking every night and our shared bond felt very special. UNTIL (°ロ°) !
Our friends were making "all-about-me" google forms to pass time in school so as a joke I made one as well where it gave you that little comment near you answers after you finished it, the comment changing depending on if you got the question right or wrong. So I made a purposefully harder question and as a JOKE I set the correct answer comment to be "Wow! You got it right! We should get married!"
. . . and he took that literally. I'm not even joking he sent me an email 10 minutes later about how he got the question right, which I kind of expected since we talked so often, so he wants to "marry" me and make things official so I could benefit off of marriage taxes from my job. Now I'm not SAYING that's a flimsy excuse but looking back on it I was so stupid to not assume it from right then and there.
And you'd think the joke stopped there but no he took it to the next level because when i got to my collective friend's discord group chat that we had (omg we all used discord sue us) he changed his nickname to "______ (Dede's Husband)" AND I SWEAR SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY HEART BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS QUESTIONING HIM ABOUT IT SO I CHANGED MY NAME TOO AND ALL MY FRIENDS THOUGHT WE WERE DATING WHEN WE WEREN'T HE EVEN HAD TO CLEAR HIS NAME TO ALL OF OUR FRIENDS FOR ME SINCE HE'S KIND OF THE ONE WHO STARTED IT (//▽//)
You know writing about this so far has made me feel better about my lack of "romantic feelings" for other people even though I'm not fully sure what I felt (feel??) for him yet. I've wrote about why I suspected he liked me so far instead of how I feel and that's not really a good writing habit to get off topic lolol. I'll write a bit more about him and then I'll get to ME so I don't look schizo.
I'm not gonna say this was flirting or anything but I started to get more flustered with him. Anytime he was brought up, my chest felt heavy and tight, and whenever we would talk about anything or he would joke about our marriage status I would feel strange?? I don't know how to describe that actually, I was excited but also scared. It's like he did something to my heart like the phantom thieves heheh...... get it.......
I don't know what was wrong with me but he was haunting me but like a guilty kind of ghost. I guess the reason I was most scared of confronting my feelings towards him was because I'm Muslim and he's agnostic. He's not Arabic anyway, so my parents would never approve, but it's more than if my parents approve or not. I'm not sure if this was for my sake or his, but I started behaving in a way and saying certain things that I was sure would kill the crush. It got to a point where I confronted him about if he liked me or not because this joke was subconsciously doing something to our friendship and he said he didn't, so I guess that wraps that up. But a part of me still kind of wishes he was Muslim so it wouldn't be a BAD thing and maybe I (we??) could've been a bit more honest with each other??
I just wish things were different between us. We're still super good friends and the marriage joke thing is kind of behind us, but it still gets brought up every now and then. We joke about his disappointing love life too since he's yet to get a girlfriend but sometimes I really wish he did because I hate feeling so confused like this. I don't even know what other people DON'T see in him like I did he's funny, friendly, quick witted, really passionate about things he cares about, like come on. But if this is a crush then I hate all of these complicated painful feelings and I never want to feel something like this for anyone again. I will never understand people who can get crushes within a few weeks or from a glance at a stranger on the street, for the past several months since early October my heart has been in torment and pain and I hate it all so much.
I feel a lot better writing this all out. For a while I've felt so alienated from everyone in my life, like I don't understand how they feel about certain things and that I'm the weirdo, but this has made me feel like I relate to them more in some way. Heh.... I guess you can say....... I feel a bit more like myself! ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ
I LOVE tomodachi life hehehehh
