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               You wanted a finale? Well this is it.Â
               Connor Healy has little respect for the police. In fact judging from his description of law enforcement officials as âpigsâ he appears to hold the view of âfuck the policeâ. 2 Fast 2 Furious disrespects the police due to their disdain for illegal street racing, view it through law enforcement tinted lenses. If cops were able to see the true art that is illegal street racing they would have a different opinion, maybe.Â
               Josh Spilker understands 2 Fast 2 Furious. Poor children grow up longing to eat from the airplane experience. âHere comes the airplaneâ is a phrase that children grow out of eventually. Children respond to that phrase happy to consume food if it is flown in from far away. To reject flown in food is disrespectful or at least thatâs the assumption small infants are able to make in their feeble underdeveloped minds.Â
               Jackson Nieuwland tries to view the book of his life on Amazon but the page cannot be displayed. Such is life. Amazon is a terrible service. Years after a person really live their life they want to look back and see the wonderful experiences. Unfortunately the playback option on life gets damaged over the course of many years.Â
               Jovial Jellyfish chills hard. Jovial Jellyfish is a jellyfish. Glowing with the natural enemy of the jellyfish, anything with a brain, the jellyfish knows it can never die. Immortality is the price paid for brainlessness. It is a small fee.Â
               Dan Lang loves his car. Cars need the attention. Features on a car determine the carâs personality. People spend years of their lives in cars busy doing nothing in particular.Â
               Jay Gabler includes spoiler alerts. The blonde guy of the 2 Fast 2 Furious franchise is out of control. He needs to be in order to survive a franchise that has no discernible beginning or end. 2 Fast 2 Furious is the beginning of the eternity of movie-making.Â
               John Mortara understands that 2 Fast 2 Furious is an existential movie about young men with too much car and too little brain. Multiple times people die by shotgun. The usual way people die in a country as wealthy and unhealthy as America is through heart attacks, cancer, or old age. At least with a shotgun the youthfulness is maintained. Death by youth is a crazy mixed up way to go but millions of people choose it. In the future things will be worse via the robot insurrection when robots will be the stars of 2 Fast 2 Furious only with robots the plot will be considerably watered down.Â
               Dom Schwab finishes the collection off on a positive note. Since 2 Fast 2 Furious is a family-friendly film there is a happy ending. Everybody gives out the high-fives. Happiness is restored to the good people of Miami, Florida, or at least as much happiness as can be given to the residents of Americaâs second most awful state (only Delaware is worse). They take their cut, strut, and get out of the racing rut.Â
               Yes this is the end, the only friend, the end. Literally one of the most epic undertakings in the entire Alt Lit scene, 2 Fast 2 Furious the novel is something to read to children before they go to bed. The plotline of 2 Fast 2 Furious was probably written by a five year old and their hung over cousin who visited for the holidays while mindlessly watching âIndiana Jonesâ repeats. Hopefully this is the beginning of the adventure for future novelizations, whether it is further explorations of the Fast and Furious franchise or an entire novelization of âFace/Offâ. Only time will tell.
#2FAST2FURIOUS THE NOVEL IS MARRED BY CONTROVERSY. HERE'S THE OFFICIAL RESPONSE.
Seems like the new Deckfight Press release, 2Fast2Furious: The Novel has some breathing the exhaust fumes of disappointment.Â
Deckfight Press' own 'awesome person' Austin Islam has more, via the ALT LIT GOSSIP SPREAD:
"read what Chris Dankland recently had to say about âŞ#â2FAST2FURIOUSâŹ: ANTHOLOGY (out today on Deck Fight)
'been around for decades, but I hadn't heard of [it]'
'I'm not sure [...] what this project really is'
'probably zero chance of this ever happening [...] anyone out there
the same journalist Lee Costello sniffed out Deck Fight 'editor' Josh Spilker to address the controversy brewing around the project.Spilker allegedly stated 'unfortunately yes', only to later rescind his comment with''sincerely meant 'unfortunately no' above''. chatter began to swirl inside a 'secret group' online -- some said they were dropped out of rotation mad early and to pass that shit. internet entity Ian Aleksander Adams: ''it's probably the only 'alt-lit' thing i actually submitted to that i rly was excited about tbh''other internet entity Omaybo Burback: 'I gotta say not much has really bummed me out on this web-o-sphere but this really does! Making me question a lot of other projects and ideas'amidst the chaos of spending april fools' day on facebook, a document dump revealed Spilker's true motives at a crucial moment:'don't think what is happening seems like the future is already over b3fore it started idk', he typed.
//
Many were left out.
Many now wish they had never submitted to start with.Â
We are all left wondering...
Will anyone ever trust Josh Spilker or read JoshSpilker.com or sign up for his newsletter ever again?
What will happen to the poorly hosted Deckfight.com that also features a nebulous submissions page?Â
Can anyone ever dare to think that the Slamdance zine by Austin Islam has any possibility of ever succeeding?Â
Does Dankland.net have a future?
Can Dom Lyne still type "http://dom-lyne.co.uk/" into his web browser of choice?Â
We took to the streets of Facebook chat for the people's reactions.
"I mean I was hoping for an xXx novel or Poems Inspired by The Pacifier, but I just don't know anymore," said one person who said they only wanted to be identified by their ability to stare wistfully into the distance.
"It just goes to show you," started a suspicious person with a dog face, "that you can never take a sarcastic novel about a ridiculous movie too seriously."
"Any project is better than no project at all," admitted absolutely no one that we talked to for this investigative report.
After reading all of this, we reached out again to Josh Spilker (follow him on Twitter or don't) for comment.
He had this to offer:
"I recently received some bad advice that worse is better (read it on my blog or don't). Then I just worked too quickly and too vigorously. I mean too rapidly and too energetically. Or it was maybe like too briskly and too frenetically. That doesn't quite capture it...but do you know what I'm trying to say?
No, honestly we don't.
////
Roman: You're not gonna do what I think you're gonna do.
Brian O'Connor: Yeah, I think so.
SEND COMMENTS, HATE LETTERS, CORRECTIONS, ADDITIONS, & WHATEVER ELSE ABOUT THIS PROJECT (OR DON'T) TO DECKFIGHT [AT] GMAIL DOT COM BY FRIDAY APRIL 4 & WE'LL GET IT.Â
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2 FAST 2 FURIOUS THE NOVEL IS OUT TODAY /// GET IT / GET IT / GET IT
yr dreams have come true
SCRIB IT SCRIB IT SCRIB IT SCRIB IT FOR FREE
thanks to dom lyne, chris dankland, shane jesse christmass, bob schofield & austin islam & the contributors, amazing, itâs all amazing & itâs finally here
2 FAST 2 FURIOUS THE NOVEL IS OUT TODAY /// GET IT / GET IT / GET IT
yr dreams have come true
SCRIB IT SCRIB IT SCRIB IT SCRIB IT FOR FREE
thanks to dom lyne, chris dankland, shane jesse christmass, bob schofield & austin islam & the contributors, amazing, it's all amazing & it's finally here
WE ARE PUBLISHING 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS ANTHOLOGY & WE NEED YR HELP
yes that is correct deckfight press is 'relaunching' with the 2 Fast 2 Furious "novelization' first started by Chris Dankland & 'shepherded' by Dominic Lyne. There are tons of great ppl that contributed to this.Â
& WE NEED YOU TO MAKE US A COVER
DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABT??? LOOK AT THIS
(author list at the bottom....they're awesome)
MAKE US A COVER.
i'd like 5 different cover options, if your cover option is chosen we'll send you something awesome like yr very own contraband '2 fast 2 furious' postcard or somsething, or maybe a book by josh spilker or maybe a copy of 'slamdance' the magazine made by austin islam or just the glory in knowing that yr cover was picked
SEND THE COVER TO DECKFIGHT AT GMAIL DOT COM BY MARCH 31, 2K14 THAT WILL GIVE YOU 2 WKS TO DO IT
you will get credit for the cover and whatever links to whatev website/social media you want
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GET THIS :: 'What Kmart is Like Now' by Josh Spilker
What Kmart Is Like Now by Josh Spilker by deckfight
!!! BUY NOW ON SCRIBD FOR 99 CENTS !!!
JOSH SPILKER visited one of America's failing retailers. In this chapbook, he reports on what he finds through humorous essays, fiction, inspirational art, revealing conversations, and Internet message boards. Plus!!! One story is about Coca-Cola & not Kmart!
BIO:
Josh Spilker is a copywriter in Nashville, TN. He is the author of Ambient Florida Position (Kuboa, 2011), the founder of lit review blog I AM ALT LIT, the founder of Deckfight & Deckfight Press, and a semi-regular contributor to Vol1Brooklyn. He has been published in various places on the internet. He's currently working on a novel about God and food trucks. Follow him on Twitter or don't.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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