Dear Scarlet

My bby girls

www.babewear.bigcartel.com

Scarlet Payne for @babe-wear MY HEART. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 When I asked why she was a babe she said, “because I’m super proud of my life.” 💞

Vampire bat

People have been saying “She’s almost as big as you are!” our entire life together. But it totally throws me off guard to see photos like this one where I’m faced with the fact that that’s becoming an actual reality. We’ve done a lot of growing together, this one and I. We don’t have the dynamic I always imagined I would possess as a mother. I’m not mother goose. I’m not soft spoken and calm. There’s also a sisterhood here. She’s witnessed me grow into myself, which means she’s been there for some very weak moments. I feel like I have to live up to this caricature of myself, and it’s a lot of pressure when people are constantly telling you what a good mom you are. It’s hard to not question yourself nonstop. I don’t think I’m a bad mom, and I don’t think I’m the mom that a lot of you think that I am. But I am her mom, and I do think I’m the mom she needs. One day in the not so distant future, she will be my size, my age. And I hope that she isn’t disappointed by me. She’s the only one I’m really out here trying to show up for. She’s the only voice in the room.

8 years later

Scar’s teacher just said this on fb and I lost it. 😭

Bobby’s family party. Oreo Star Wars ice cream cake and presents. We’ve celebrated so many birthdays in this tiny crowded kitchen.

when you have your stepdad wrapped so hard around your finger he holds your feet up for you so you can read comics at brunch