Love yourself

I'm tired. Tired of existing, tired of trying my best, tired of keeping myself together, tired of meeting people's expectations, tired of the news, tired of complaining, tired of my own self, tired of people checking up on me and asking about my eating habits, tired of healing process, tired of feeling guilty when I can't do simple tasks, tired of explaining myself, tired of getting easily overwhelmed, tired of snapping at people.

Because what's the point? What does it matter? Ecology, economy, politics, health system, education system...literally all going to shit. Crazy things happening all around us.

Is there even a future? Because at this rate I truly don't want to see it, moreover be part of it. I never asked to be here.

I pretend I don't exist, rather stay away from the reality and ignore questions that bring up conversations I don't have the strength to have.

I simply can't bother myself to care about anything, I'm unable to make decisions, yet my mind can't stop screaming at me. Why am I such a mess when I don't really have a reason to be? I'm miserable all the time, when I have great job, friends that care about me deeply, family that is willing to give up things for me, next to zero living expenses, can go anywhere anytime. So why am I suffering. Why should I feel guilty about being sick. Why can't I just say no to things I'm not comfortable with. Why does everyone expect something from me.