for good

well i was just doing some lineart and i suddenly remembered i still have a wall on this blog, so i decided to look at it for a change. and it was so nice but it got me a little sad. i saw the messages from ages ago and i remembered them, and there were some recent ones as well? why are people nice to me still idk

so yeah this is yet again another post in which i apologize whoops

people may not care about this blog anymore but it meant a lot to me and i really had fun with it and with people, until i didn’t - and i had to stop. but that doesn’t delete the fact that countless people were super nice to me, super friendly and helpful and super everything; i often wonder if i’ve been grateful enough while i had it, and while i’m not sure, i really hope i have. i’m super sorry about a couple of people in particular (you probably won’t read this but it’s you guys and i’m sorry, really) since i’ve really been a massive shit but i feel like i can’t go back, even tho it makes me sad. sorry. idk if i’ll ever get back to this blog but even just the memories mean a lot.

i’m also sorry i keep getting back with pitiful ‘sorry’ posts. that’s just how my anxiety likes to fuck with me eheh (my friends are pretty lucky i manage not to ask them if they actually like me any other second, really).

so yeah, sorry, thank you, thank you, thank you. i suck but you were nice and it made me happy <3

if you want to say hi from time to time, you can find me on my new blog (it’s a sideblog) here. it’s not that active (like 5 daily queued posts and the occasional personal one) but it’s the best i can do right now. also if you happen to be at lucca comics (italian peeps i’m talking to you) on oct 29 and see a stumbling loser in a trenchoat wearing a bright blue pigtails wig and (maybe) carrying around a hammer, dat me. say hi by punching me if you please

but as it is now, it’s whatever. my interests have shifted (back, should i say?) quite a bit and i’m more active on my sideblog right now (as well as another similar blog i’m helping with - and even in those cases, i only end up queuing stuff). tbh, i’d probably have stopped queuing stuff on this blog back in november or at least january hadn’t it been for my themes, and even so it still makes me feel bad cause i don’t have the ‘strength’ to help with them anymore so yeah… that’s really it. i’m calling it a day now.

to be clear: i still care about this blog cause it has meant a lot to me. i love every single one of you who decided to hit that follow button! c: i’m just sorry i could not keep up with it anymore. i’ve said it several times but once more, it’s got to a point where just looking at this dash just makes me sad (and not sad in a ‘i just finished angel beats! or shigatsu wa kimi no uso or anohana or seven pounds or tfios or the first 10 minutes of UP!’ way, because those still leave a good feeling, it’s a ‘good’ sad, it makes you feel things but in a good way, right? my dash makes me sad in a ‘i literally threw hours and days and years and almost real big money to something that basically deceived me into thinking it was good for me but then hit me back with a violence that felt like it was feasting on everything good that it had given to me and turning it into more bad stuff. I poured my soul into it like i had not done in a long time and it just gnawed on it after promising to treat it like it was precious’). i guess frustrated is more like it. or maybe it’s disappointment? or a mix of them all?? idk i just feel better when i ignore it, even if i still follow every other show i used to reblog.

i’m pretty positive this won’t be my last post ever tho!! i mean i’m pretty excited for doctor who and twd (and prequel) in a few months, and this season of teen wolf looks great so far; i might be back sooner than i thought, who knows :) in that case, hope you’ll stick with me and forgive me (i’ve always felt like going on hiatus was like doing a wrong to anyone who was following me, especially mutuals, like we had a contract or something where you followed a blog and i had to give you content. i’m pretty sure now that was just my anxiety talking, as well as fear of losing people who would eventually listen to me when i have to say something i can’t say out loud in real life, for one reason or another. i suck eheh). until then, please take care and keep on rockin’! <3 c: