— stardust in your soul

Emotions - one of the things Dean had a hard time dealing with, maybe it was because he started hiding what he felt since he was a teenager, but became so good at it even hid them from himself. Recently, he tried to fool himself he didn’t care about what was happening in Nightrest - paint it as it was bad for his business, hide away that he was actually scared to death what could happen at any moment. Scared someone else he cared about would fall victim to the freak who choose to play their own version of a God. 

He didn’t know how to help those around him, words were meaningless and he couldn’t snap his fingers to bring back who they lost, the only thing he could do to create an impact of any kind was throw his money around. Help rebuild the shattered community, though he made sure people saw it as nothing more but a boast of his net worth. 

He strayed away from the big crowds, intentionally or not he was observing. Watching like a hawk, fearful what happened at Rhee’s will happen again, fear that crawled up his spine that left him feeling uneasy. Though when his eyes caught those of Shadae’s, his people-watching ended, and the previous feelings were replaced with warmth - after all he still thought of her as the only thing he managed to do right, though he still found a way to fuck it up. He didn’t go to her at first, letting her talk to her friends as he did the same, but never stayed too far. 

Later in the night, and liquid courage in his system, he made his way to her. There were many things he wanted to say and if he didn’t do it now he didn’t know if he’d ever take that step. It was now or never. “Can we talk? Please? Meet me outside in thirty minutes,” he lingered in front of her for a bit, letting her see the pleading look on his face hoping it’d be enough to convince her before moving away.

He was pacing back and forth, constantly looking down at his watch while trying to piece together how to say what he wanted to say. Playing out every scenario of her reaction just hoping the starts were in his favor tonight. He was about to turn around and go find her when he heard the clinking of heels coming his way. He turned to face her, that one smile only reserved for her gracing his face. “You look beautiful,” he whispered when she stood in front of him.

“Shadae — there’s so many things I want to say.”

He reached for her hand, his thumb caressing the back of it. Memories of their relationship flooding his mind, picturing all the times he was the reason for her smile and how fucking good it made him feel. He even pictured all the fights, every back and forth, every time they found themselves entangled in one another after. The last fight that ended everything. A month ago when he went to her place and they kissed. Every little moment and he knew, right here and right now - he was in love with her, he’s always been in love with her and his hearth will always stay open only for her. 

“I know what we had was messy, I know as much as we loved each other we hurt each other just the same, but I — I can’t do this with anyone else. After we broke up I tried... you know, to move on even get in a relationship and I thought they didn’t work out, because it was just who I was, but no. It’s because of you Shadae, it’s because I’ll always love you and I want to have a life with you. Give me a chance baby and I swear I’ll make it right.” 

He chewed onto his bottom lip, his eyes darting between her eyes and lips. She meant the world to him and he was going to work hard every day and night to show her he meant it. He placed a hand on her cheek, slowly leaning in to capture her lips in hers when her scream sent him back in a jump only to turn and see someone coming at them with a knife. 

“Run! Get help!” he lightly pushed her back, turning around ready to fight like hell with every ounce of strength in him just to make sure Shadae could safely run back inside. He threw a punch in their direction successfully making impact with their jaw, only to be met with the same force making him stumble back. The alcohol might of given him courage to confess his feelings, but took away the ability to stand strong on his feet. With something resembling a roar Dean lunged at them, throwing them both to the ground. At first he didn’t feel it, but it didn’t take long to feel the throbbing pain in abdomen as he looked at knife, the only part visible being the handle. He stood up, stumbling as he rested his weight against the railing, moving his hand to reach for the weapon, but the assailant was faster them him. They retreated the knife and Dean cried out in pain his hand instinctively holding over the open wound. He turned to run toward the entrance, hoping people were already on their way, but the only thing he saw was Shadae frantically banging on the door trying to open it. He didn’t get far before he felt sharp pain in his shoulder, then his side and back. 

It was getting harder to breath and he could feel his aching body begin to give out as he fell to the ground. He was in so much agony he couldn’t feel as they stabbed him four more times. He knew he wasn’t going to make it, there was no way. He moved his head to look at her, use the last of his strength to tell her to jump in the water, the only way he thought she could save herself when he was met with something he never wanted to see, let alone imagine. Another person came through the door attacking Shadae. 

The only thing he could do was watch as the love of his life was fighting for her life. A tear ran down his face mixing with the blood falling from his mouth. He tried to move, maybe he’d do enough to distract them, but he was pinned down forced to watch the ugly scene before him. 

There were so many things he still wanted to do. He wanted to fix the strained relationship with his father, he even dared to wish he could say sorry to the many people he hurt one way or another, he wanted to have a second chance with Shadae, he wanted to grow old with her. But the only thing he could feel was all those wishes slowly fade as his eyes grew heavier.