han

things were just never the same anymore, it couldn't. I'd keep having dreams about you, about us. those sweet, spring memories we shared now embedded in my head like a broken record. those days when we spent our mornings showering each other with kisses, when we would take night walks in the park, when we talked about spending the rest of our lives together. those days, when we loved each other like there was no tomorrow. we did, but it just didn't last forever just like what we had wished under that shooting star.

I admit, that I still love you, the same or maybe even more than I did back then. I truly believed that we were meant to be, and no one can tell me otherwise as I've seen those eyes of yours bear the same endearment for me as I do for you. it sounds cheesy, but I am willing to be if it's you. however, as much as I want to let go of you, I don't think I'd ever come to terms with the fact that you did. we were so beautiful, don't you think so? it was as if the world revolved around us. I know we will never be able to go back to those days, to love each other again.

every night that came and went in the same repertoire. staring straight at the ceiling, reminiscing the times I still had you in my arms, crying myself to sleep, jolting awake from the same nightmare, hugging myself back to sleep. the pain was almost unbearable when it gets to the nightmare. it was my regrets for not doing my best for you, and the mistakes that I wished I hadn't made. I could never stand to see tears in your eyes, especially if it was because of me. on the day you left, you looked me in the eye, with tears threatening to roll down your crimson cheeks. that moment broke my heart to pieces, noticing the burning sensation of the wind against my skin.

it seems I have already lost you, with no chance to turn back time.

when I'm sober, everything I did numbed me to the core. when I wake up to your side of the bed empty, seeing that the once lively space all dull with silence, the fridge slowly emptying, leaving nothing but water and some alcohol. it's like I stopped functioning properly when you're not with me. the flowers that you loved so much don't look as lively, the warm breeze that greeted us daily slowly getting chilly, the stars that we spent hours looking at don't sparkle as much. you brought so much color to my world, and it returned back to being monochromatic, like those times before I met you.

you brought so much joy to my life, and I have never felt so grateful for being alive. it was the first time I felt so euphoric, fortunate to see that very smile of yours when you look at me with such affection. that smile was for me, because of me, only me. you made me feel like the luckiest person on earth to love someone as wonderful as you are. I can only hope you felt the same way as I did.

all the things in my life took a turn, not a good one at that, after you left. you took a part of me with you when you told me that things weren't working out. what did that mean? was I not doing good enough? did your feelings for me change? there were so many questions I want to ask, but sometimes, they were better left unanswered. these daggers piercing through my heart are more than enough to leave me bleeding profusely till I can't feel love anymore.

as I spent each day, yearning for your warmth and affection, there's something that I've come to realize as I take a step back to look at things. there will be no one else who would be able to fill your spot, not even with time. it's been months, almost a year that I've been standing here, not knowing what is wrong with me. that's because, nothing is wrong. everything made so much sense.

I love you and nothing can ever change that fact. even if you don't love me anymore, that's okay. all I will do is just stand here right behind you, protecting you from the shadows. although there might not be someone who would be by your side all the time, I will be right here behind you. until the day I get the chance to stand next to you, be the one you can rely on, I will be here for you.

there will be a day where we meet again, whether it be by chance or fate. and when that day comes, I want to be stronger than I am now, to give you that smile you loved so much when we were us. until then, I will take this role as your dark knight. looking over you from somewhere you wouldn't notice, offering you a hand when you struggle, finding solace right here. I know you would be able to tell that I am here, but please, leave me be. for the day I am able to let you go, will hopefully come.

so let me stay by your side for now, aeri.

i never knew what love was. it had never occurred to me that these overwhelming feelings could wash over me like a crashing wave. affection was never a language of love since i’ve known how to talk. a hug wasn’t something i was used to, neither were words of compliments or warm gazes shone upon me for a good grade. i’ve grown accustomed to such practices, such norms, that i don’t know, the meaning of love.

searching for love, was never a priority in life. academics, skills, career. those were the only things that had ever mattered to me. as i recall my younger days, all i could see from memories was this kid who woke up sleepy every day, headed for school, then extra co-curricular activities, back home, study, and finally sleep. the next day wouldn't be much of a difference, and so were weekends with tuition.

and with that, i drifted apart from making meaningful relationships with people. perhaps i do have several friends who would stick with me until i'd die, but that was it. i never found solace in big social circles and interacting with people. my hatred for people didn't subside, if anything, it only grew more as time went by. the pandemic had hit and i may have reached a peak of anti-social behaviour.

crowds scared me, being around people made me anxious, and i've just grown used to being alone in my room. talking to people had never been harder during my darkest times. it had made me more reserved, only retreating to talking to the people i was closest to in school. graduating from high school was just another day of coming back from school and awaiting the next day to come, but that was the end.

the next chapter of my life was to unfold after wrapping up the previous with exams that determined my future. as i was thrown into a new environment which i wasn't ready for, i was alone. alone amidst everyone else who seemed to have a place. wow, life was miserable, extremely as it took everything in me to wake up. that was when it hit me that i may be depressed.

something else hit me too. in fact, it was a someone. that someone who had so much love for people, made me uncomfortable. seeing how she looks at her members, her fans, and how her actions reflected the affection and love she experienced as she grew up to be the person she is today. it made me uncomfortable. i felt like i was living my fifth life, or perhaps the sixth, and none were easy to live through.

and here she was, living through her first life, seeing the goodness in the darkness. her angel eyes saw the good in the evil within the world. even when the world was so cruel to her. i've never felt such pain, even when the hate and harsh words weren't directed at me. the way she smiled through, the way her words reflected the kindness within her, the way her eyes so pure that it made my heart ache.

it hurt, knowing that i had absolutely no power to protect this angel from the world. it hurt, knowing that although she would not know who i am and probably never will. the pain that i've felt through this person who i have never met fascinated me. how i would smile when i see her smile, how i would laugh at her cat-like antics, how i would wish and pray that she would sleep well at the end of the day.

that was when i realized. perhaps, this was love. perhaps, this was the feeling of loving someone, regardless of it being platonic or romantic. the intense feelings of wanting nothing but the best for her, the extent i would go to see that eye smile full of happiness, the way that words could barely explain my feelings.

she's taught me so much, brought me to feel so much. gradually with time, i brought myself out of misery, finding myself laugh around my newfound friends. i enjoy more when i go out of my room, doing things that i didn't know that i was capable of.

i am forever grateful for this person to be in my life. although i have never met you, i thank you for showing me the better, brighter side of life. i've learnt to appreciate the people i cherish around me, learnt to let down some of my burden and dance it away, learnt to live my life to the fullest, learnt to rest for a day when i need it.

along with your members, you've brought so many days of laughter and happiness to me. some days may still be difficult to get through, but one message, picture or video of you could wash away the fatigue that accumulated throughout the day. to repay you, i've decided to not give up. my days that were clouded with thoughts of giving up, were replaced by days of looking forward of what awaits for both you and i ever since i laid my eyes on you.

within this heart of mine and all the hardships that broke and hardened, melted and fell away, i've felt a new, foreign emotion. once weak-hearted and fragile, i've built a stronger one through time with you.

thank you for being in my life. and i wish that one day, i'd be able to tell you how you brought many good things to me.

thank you, for letting me know what it feels like to love someone.

i love you, in this life, the next, for eternity.

outfit? check. water bottles? check. portable fan? check. power bank? check. umbrella? check. snacks for your pretty girlfriend? check. after that disastrous date with yizhuo last time, you were traumatized hence the over-the-board preparation for today's date with her. you had planned a lot of events for the day, hoping that she would be surprised with how you made sure things were to go according to plan. her reactions are just the cutest and no one can tell you otherwise.

regardless of whether it was going to rain, or if you lose her in a crowd as her phone dies, or if she gets incredibly hungry that she's in the mood to murder you. yes, that was how the entire date went the last time when you two headed for a mini concert in the outskirts. just thinking about it again sent chills down your spine. never again, you thought.

as you take a step out of your apartment, that annoying ringtone informed you of who the caller was.

"yeah, babe?"

'on the way? or you just woke up and getting ready to throw on just anything?'

"missy, I'm slaying my fit of the year. and yes, I'm on my way. maybe in another thirty minutes?"

'okay, missy. sounds good to me, see you then babe!'

"love you."

'love you too!'

her voice got softer, as usual walking away from her phone to do her own things. she usually lets you end the call, either you'd end it while chuckling at her antics or listening a little longer to hear her humming a song that's on her 36th spotify playlist.

the sun was shining, the clouds were fluffy, and the bus just passed by the stop before heading for yours. was it more than enough time for you to make it? sure, but, that was if you ran for it. you were definitely not waiting for the next one that was going to be in the next 15 minutes.

the run wasn't too bad, giving you a chance to try out your new pair of sneakers. definitely not made for running, but they were sure looking amazing with your outfit. yizhuo had gotten them for you when you had finished that torturing physics paper one semester ago but you couldn't get yourself to wear them. she insisted that you wore it after she saw them in a new display box you got for it when she slept over after spending hours playing animal crossing with you.

'jagi, didn't I get those for you?'

'yep.'

'wear them when we go on a date next week.'

'but-'

'no buts.'

so that was how you were striding in these slides. they made you a little taller, which was the perfect height to pull yizhuo into a hug and rub your head on her hair. she hated those the most, but you love the scent of her vanilla shampoo, calming and soothing. as you stared out the bus window from your seat, your lips naturally curled into a smile as you reminisced those times when you and her took the bus home during your uni days.

when you had shared social law with her, you always took the bus with her after classes at the end of the day. you had known that she lived a little further from campus instead of the dorms and you happened to also take the same bus line as she did. acquaintances bloomed into friends, and you took your friendship with her to the next stage when you confessed that you saw her as more than a friend. you were the happiest girl alive when she said that she felt the same too.

when you had graduated with your psychology degree and her with her communication degree, that was when you found out that yizhuo had not lived three bus stops away from yours. and that was also when she had found out that you lived two bus stops before where she supposedly lived. in summary, you were two idiots thinking that you guys were so smart for trying to fool each other.

she did indeed live in the campus dorm, but just got down the stop where her friend lived at, in a way using her as an excuse to spend more time with you. you on the other hand, did similarly to spend more time with her by pretending that you got off at the next stop after hers. for four months straight, you had took a whole trip around the neighbourhood each time you had social law.

till this day, this was still something that you and her would bring up and laugh about at how stupid you two were. but you didn't complain, you were stupid in love with her.

a ring on yizhuo's doorbell was enough to make her frown from finishing her favourite shampoo to smiling as it indicated that her huggable human was by the door. when she swung the door open, she was surprised to find you with a bouquet of crocheted pink tulips and a puffy tote bag. first, you hated tote bags because you were afraid of forgetting them on your seat. second, what occasion was it for the flowers?

"hello, girlfriend."

"hello to you too. what's with the flowers?"

a toothy grin was all it took to convince that it wasn't a special occasion that she knew, but rather one that you wanted to celebrate because, you just wanted to.

"it's 520 days since we've started dating. so yeah, happy 520!"

"and here I thought that I had forgotten our anniversary or something."

"well, it's still something to celebrate about."

if yizhuo had her clumsy and quirky antics, you had your puppy-like and unpredictable antics. it wasn't once or twice that you had showed up to her front door with tulips or roses, be it real or fake, or crocheted. or that one time you had a spur in the moment and made her beef wellington for lunch. you didn't even like cooking that much.

'I saw this recipe and I thought you would like it a lot!' as she quotes from you.

but none of that can stop her from loving you more as each day went by. the good morning and good night texts were a must and meeting up at least once every day was the base, whether it be face-to-face or through facetime. as much as she could feel her fatigue from her day fade away when she saw that smile of yours, so did you when you heard that laughter of hers when you crack a joke.

"thank you, babe. I like it a lot."

she tiptoed to press a little peck on your cheek, which led to that big ass grin on your face and your tail would have wagged hard like a helicopter, if you had one. seeing your usual reaction, yizhuo went back to her room to proceed getting ready for the day. oh, did you mention that she looks amazing even when she had her hair up in a messy bun, and the most worn out, comfortable home clothes? yeah, now you know.

as you took your spot on the couch, it didn't take her longer than 20 minutes to be in the cutest outfit for your anticipated outing. the opening of her bedroom door prompted you to stand by the shoe rack and put your shoes on.

"ready?"

"mhm."

after you leaving her place, she naturally headed over to the bus stop while you stepped further from it, making her confused at the way you had a mischievous smile on your face. you walked over to her and dragged her along to the nearest car rental shop, rendering her further confusion.

leaving her at the entrance for a bit, you returned while twirling a shiny key with a far too recognizable logo printed on it,

"I knew we were going to the aquarium, but you didn't mention anything about driving there. when did you even have a driver's license?"

"well, surprise."

driving wasn't a practical option since you lived four bus stops away from your now alma mater. public transportation was a pain in the ass during before and after work peak hours but that was more worth than paying for the parking fee. that included having not told yizhuo about your driving capabilities.

your campus was practically in the middle of the city where most necessities were within public transportation reach. it didn't really matter if you had a car or not cause that was how convenient travelling for stuff was. if there was a need for a car, you would just ask minjeong for hers since she drives. even now, you could get to your job without a car, and you only head to office 3 days a week.

"and you rented a BMW?"

"yes?"

the look on her face darkened further as she couldn't comprehend your spending tendencies. you weren't a thrifty douchebag, so this was really a firsthand experience of you being willing to spend so much when there were cheaper options.

"please tell me you're joking. this could easily cost you half of your monthly salary for a day."

"okay okay, yes, I'm joking."

"thank god."

" but I did buy a kawasaki though."

yizhuo's jaw could not drop further as you said those seven words. she couldn't even form words, let alone sentences.

"wha- huh- you- eh?"

"come on, I got a second hand one so it's a lot cheaper. and it was a snatch with its low mileage."

the whole ride to the aquarium was just her bombarding you with questions on why you decided to get a motorcycle, when did you get your driver's license and a whole lot more. the entire ride there. though you weren't annoyed, you found it adorable that she wanted to know more. you being down bad was an understatement, you were just so in love with her that you don't see any chance of you getting back from being down bad.

you sure didn't need a second hand kawasaki to get to work considering the many reasons that would have stopped you from getting it. but there was one extremely big reason to get it that surpass every other. it was yizhuo. at the end of every day where you would drop by her place to spend time together, she would tell you about the things she encountered on the way home on the train, be it good or bad.

you were content with listening to how she would coo at the children and babies she saw, but grimaced at some things she would witness that you don't even want to reiterate. just then you thought, maybe you should get a vehicle to fetch yizhuo after work. as a scriptwriter, the expectation to get things done by her deadlines were brutal, from your nine-to-five job perspective. at times, she would finish past dinner hours and leave the broadcasting station with slumping shoulders while you waited for her at a nearby cafe to have dinner together after she clocks out. it always made a part of your heart ache a little when she drapes her body over you, with her basking in your scent.

she had always reassured you that she would feel her energy pick up when she spots you at your usual spot waiting. and even more so when she hugs you, as if you were her human energizer. but to imagine the days that you wouldn't be there, it was the right decision to get a vehicle for her to relax in after work on the way home. regardless of whether it was this nice BMW or the kawasaki you got, you get to accompany her back home while she talks about her day at the broadcasting station.

to head home together after a long day and lay in her arms on the couch while watching a movie was always your dream. usually her housemates would be around and it wasn't that comfortable to have the whole living room to yourselves. you would either leave after dropping her off or you would spend some time in her room for a while since she would reason that you have work the next day. one day, you would get a house together with her and make that dream a reality. one day.

"for me? this nice ass bike because you wanted me to get home safe?"

"yep."

she looked at you in disbelief, worried that the cost of this damn bike would put a hole in your wallet while you had a sheepish smile knowing exactly what she had in mind.

"I know it sounds crazy but trust me, I've planned this for a long time."

"how long?"

"roughly 5 years."

as yizhuo mentally counted, she figured that that was when you were still freshmen back in university. although she was flattered by the fact that you fell for her since then, she couldn't help but feel bad. and you knew she would from the way her smile fell a little, just enough for you to be able to tell.

"don't feel bad babe. I did say it's for you, but it's also for me, for us. it's a lot better than having to squeeze into the train and having body odour rubbed all over my face."

the joke managed to lift her mood as she giggles at the way she could relate too. well, you could say that this kawasaki was a dream motorcycle that you've had your eye on for some time now too. her hand reached over to yours on the gear stick, her eyes looking into yours, feeling that she was the luckiest girlfriend on earth.

"you're welcome, and let's go see those penguins, shall we?"

"welcome to underwater haven, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! I will be your guide today, so make sure to remember how I look like. you wouldn't wanna get lost and bump into the polar bear."

the crowd laughed at the humor of the male guide, before following to enter into the aquarium for the day.

in one hand, was your professional camera to capture the beauty of the animals (as well as your girlfriend), and yizhuo's hand intertwined with yours in the other. although she was more fond of furry animals in the petting zoos, she absolutely loved the way your eyes would sparkle when you tell her about your favourite aquatic animals that even she had managed to remember by now. you looked like an excited child jumping around and she just wants to give you all the kisses that you deserved for being so cute.

"oh! that's the angelfish. isn't it such a nice shade of pastel blue? and the way they just look so pretty."

"yes yes, very pretty."

and her gaze was just fixated on your smile that hasn't fell ever since you stepped foot in here. she couldn't give a damn about all these fishes that looked the same to her. all it did was make her crave for some good sushi, but she shall not talk about that while you're here. maybe in the next few days, she should bring it up. for now, she would enjoy this aquarium date.

"did you have fun?"

"mhm. did you? weren't you bored a little halfway?"

"I mean yeah but when I look over to you, wow best day ever."

you shot yizhuo a glare before relaxing when you knew that she had eyes only for you.

"I love you too."

that sheepish smile on her face made you chuckle at the way you found it cute, realization for the nth time that you would never be able to win against her. be it her random rendezvous at odd hours or cheeky remarks like this.

"so where would lunch be, ms. 'I have a BMW now so we can go anywhere we want'?"

she's just not gonna let you breathe huh?

"well, it is a thursday today. so you know what that means."

"the bazaar!"

the first time she found out about the bazaar, she had always gone there either alone since her friend had clashing schedules or would resort to the cafeteria food which she disliked a little. after knowing you through social law, she deciced to persuade you to accompany her there.

'you mean be your chaperone?'

'I wouldn't put it that way, think of it that you're there as my food mate.'

it was a weekly food bazaar that happened at the city square, filled with all kinds of food from all around the world. yizhuo was always down to try anything that was edible, while you were just there to be with her as you didn't fancy trying new things.

'come on! try this, the vendor said it's glutinous rice cooked in a bamboo tube.'

'it looks questionable.'

but to be honest, it did taste good. while she had a habit of ordering a variety to try, she wouldn't hesitate to share it with her friends, encouraging them to head to the bazaar to try out too. when you looked back and thought about it, she was also helping out the local businesses that had a hard time. she tried to deny, giving you the reason that they had better food that whatever the cafeteria served. however, you would notice each time you stood by her while she talked to the vendors. the way her eyes fold into crescents, truly grateful that they were doing great.

as you spent more time with her throughout your days, you harbored feelings for her and they just grew out of control when you would malfunction from being around her. you were there once as an acquaintance, now you were back there again, as her girlfriend. wow, thinking about it made you feel overwhelmed.

"are you sure we're able to finish this?"

"if we can't, we could bring it over for minjeong."

"I'm pretty sure she would be too full from lunch with jimin. you know how those two are."

"well, I guess this is all for us!"

just watching yizhuo enjoy the food in front of her made you feel as if you had ate. if your girlfriend was happily full, then so were you. at some point, the vendors didn't change often, and they soon became permanent at the bazaar, being able to find a crowd of customers for themselves. you didn't remember how it happened, but when yizhuo would always recommend it to the people around her, you knew who it was because of.

"what? is there anything on my face?"

your gentle gaze had her rub the sides of her mouth, then her cheeks. full of food while she mumbles, it was just a sight too adorable. you succeeded at holding back your urge to squeeze her cheeks, or you would end up with a flick on your forehead.

"nothing, you just look really pretty."

"thank you, but I can't tell if you're being sarcastic cause I am stuffing my face full of food right now."

"nothing beats a happy girlfriend who loves her food. and it's cute."

extending a hand over to clear that sauce stain on the corner of her mouth, you looked so lovesick, it almost made the people at the table on the right gag. what did single people do to be punished like this?

you would only cut it out with the lovey dovey eyes when yizhuo made sure that you were eating enough unlike when you were in your final year. that final year research paper had you lose 5kg throughout the journey and you wish to not experience that ever again. sleep was an option and so was food. if it wasn't for her threatening to have your meals properly or she would not see you again, you would have probably fainted at least twice that year.

so now, you have a wonderful girlfriend and a stomach full of good food. the day was going spectacularly smooth without any problems. but you spoke too soon when the sun had set and night had came.

after the bazaar lunch, you were to drive to a restaurant by the beach that yizhuo had really wanted to try but didn't insist on going as it was far. since you had rented a car, it was only right to bring her there. before night would fall, it would have been perfect to enjoy the sunset by the time you would have arrived considering the journey.

that was until the car started to smoke on the front all of a sudden. pulling over to the side of the road, you had to call for help from the nearest car repair shop to send a tow truck. you weren't going to risk driving there despite it being a short distance, not with her in the car.

as the tow truck arrived along with another car, you thanked the foreman for offering to drive you two to your destination when he couldn't get you a spare car. nevertheless, you managed to reach just in time to sit by the beach to admire the sunset with yizhuo. that was before it got windy and droplets of rain turned into a downpour.

"why is it always like this whenever we decide to go out for dates?"

she was feeling a little down from the mishaps from the car to the downpour. to be frank, you were too, since you had hoped that the date ended perfectly since she had looked forward to it a lot. although she didn't verbally express her excitement, you could tell from the way she had already put together an outfit for the day a week before and marked the date on her calendar with a big red circle and hearts around it.

"babe, things happen. plus it was my fault that I didn't check the car properly before today."

"it's not your fault, like you said things happen. just why on our dates..."

you were half soaked from the rain even with an umbrella. as you sought shelter at nearby shop, yizhuo wasn't soaked as much because you had wrapped yourself over her to make sure she didn't. that also made her a little more upset as she was scared you would get sick because of her. on the brighter side, you were at a vintage shop where they had quite a collection of film cameras. you had to take the opportunity to get one from here before you left. but first, back to making your girlfriend feel better.

"hey hey, babe. look at me."

you placed your hands on her cheeks and made her face you, squishing them a little. around her colleagues, she was competent and very professional when dealing with the producers and directors at her workplace. but when she comes home and relaxes around you, she would turn into a small little kitten that needed her favourite human pillow. just like how you had her pouting and leaning into your hands.

"things don't have to always go as planned. it's best if it did, but now that it didn't. we're here at this vintage shop and it looks like there's a lot of stuff to explore around here."

"sure we missed the sunset for a little, but we stumbled upon this place."

and with that, your girlfriend was back to her normal self.

"okay, but promise me you're not going to get too many things. nothing else is going to fit that glass case."

"yes, ma'am."

giving her a tiny salute and a cheeky smile, it was another mission success of making the best out of a (sorta) ruined date.

"I did mention not to get too many things, but you did get something that was very expensive."

"but it does take really good film pictures. plus, a good camera to fit the most beautiful model in the world."

yizhuo scoffed at the compliment but couldn't help but blush a little. thankfully, the downpour had come to a stop, only a small drizzle remained.

as you headed towards the restaurant that you had made reservation for, you couldn't help but feel super lucky at that moment as the sky was still lit and the ambience of the waves hitting the shore, as well as the drizzle adding its touch. along with the beautiful sight of her while her hair is blown by the wind, that gorgeous smile making you fall for her all over again.

arriving there, you were brought to your reserved table before ordering whatever she wanted on the menu. the wait wasn't too long, which was good as it was quite eventful before this meal. as you indulged in the local delicacies, you couldn't help asking yizhuo if she was in for some alcohol. and knowing her, she wouldn't pass on the offer.

you only drank a little as you would still need to drive back, as the foreman had mentioned that it wouldn't take till the next day to fix the car. just as you wrapped up your fulfilling meal, your phone rang, indicating the caller to be the foreman.

"yes, mr. lee. is the car done?"

"I'm very sorry miss, but I've called to inform you that we've come across another problem from the engine as we looked into it earlier. we would need another day for it as we are closing soon."

"ohh... umm... alright then. we'll look around for somewhere to stay for the time being. thank you very much."

hearing how you would need to look for somewhere to stay and seeing that apologetic smile plastered on your lips, yizhuo just knew that the plans for the day had changed for third time.

"we need to look for a motel?"

"hey! you don't need to put it that way."

the ends of your ears started burning a little as you hid your face in your hands, trying to lower the rising temperature of your cheeks. her word choice had caught you very off guard while she remained calm.

"it is what it is. plus, we could get separate rooms so why so shy?"

she was definitely having a great time teasing you.

you managed to find a decent place after asking the locals. but being there on the weekends only meant that there was no such things as vacancy. however, you still decided to shoot your shot, praying for two rooms.

"we've got only one room left, with a single bed."

and you definitely didn't expect that shot to miss entirely. it was better than no rooms at all, and it meant using the same room as yizhuo. you had to repeat that to yourself several times to fully register what you had heard. number 1, you had not slept over at her place before as you didn't want her housemates to feel uncomfortable with your unfamiliar presence. number 2, it would only be you and her in a room. nothing would probably happen, given that you would be sleeping on the couch.

"where are you going?"

"to sleep...?"

drying your hair with the provided towel, you glanced over to your girlfriend who already dried her hair and changed into a set of pajamas that you had got from a nearby shop. you were in a similar one with a different color, reminding you too much of what married couples would usually where in dramas. 'enough!', you thought.

as much as you wanted to wake the next morning in your arms, you held yourself back as it might make her uneasy. what if she's not used to sharing the bed with someone? what if she thinks it would be hot? what if you snore? what if―

before you could complete all the possible scenarios from overthinking, yizhuo stretched out her arms, telling you to hug her. and so you did. as you fell for her temptation, she pulled you in closer to make you fall onto the bed. as she leaned over to place her lips on yours, your brain short-circuited with too many things happening at once. pulling away, all she saw was a shocked puppy speechless and thoughtless.

"you good?"

"huh?"

"were you going to sleep on the couch?"

"yeah..."

it was as if you lost your ability to speak because all you could do was nod or give short answers to her questions. well, you were being considerate for your girlfriend in case she didn't want to share the bed with you and you were more than willing to let her have the bed for herself. after all, the bed wasn't the biggest and it was just fitting for two people, no more, no less. but she didn't mind at all.

"why when we could just sleep together?"

you hit her a few times for her choice of words and she just wondered what she said so wrong. 'sleep together', technically you were going to sleep together but not sleep together. there was a difference, but you were just being overly sensitive from the way that your body was in close proximity with yizhuo.

it wasn't like you didn't cuddle with her before in the living room while watching dramas and movies. it wasn't like you didn't hug her every single time you would leave by the end of the day. it wasn't like she wasn't already clingy and always finding an excuse to stick right next to you, be it be holding hands or just pulling you into a bear hug. but why was this time so different just because it was on a bed?

"you could take this as practice before we get married in the future."

right, that was why it made you so fidgety and anxious like a teenage girl who was in love with her first love. true enough, she was your first love, if you were to minus out the short fling back in high school that wasn't even a relationship nor situationship.

your relationship had not even turned 2 years old and yizhuo already had confidence in that you would marry her when the time comes. and she was darn right that you would. that day just sealed the deal where you definitely couldn't see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone else other than her.

the way she would enjoy your rants about sea animals that she couldn't care less, the way she reminds you about spending too much, the way she held your hand throughout the whole date.

although she wasn't interested in the many species of fishes that you knew, she didn't complain about it and just enjoyed how you were ecstatic about them. she would nag you a little about getting too many vintage cameras when you wouldn't even use some of them, but she knew that every single one you've bought had at least taken one picture of her. she knew that physical affection wasn't your way of expression where gift giving and words of affirmation was, she made sure that you felt hers.

just like this very moment, you could feel it through the way her gaze bores into your eyes, letting you know that she loved you as much as you did for her, if not more.

"okay, if you say so, wifey."

"oh? already agreeing to the proposal?"

"no way, I will be the one proposing to you in the best way possible when that day comes."

"but does that mean you want to marry me?"

yizhuo was glad to see how you snapped out of your trance with the playful banter between you and her. not only that, your string of thoughts had brought you to a conclusion that sounded like the best one to your life story.

"yes, ms. ning yizhuo. I would love to marry you."

"cause all I wanna do is be with you."

tic, tic, tic, tic.

'where am I?'

your surroundings were unfamiliar, as it should be. but with it, came a sense of comfort. whenever you warped through the portal, your head would hurt like the worst hangover for a while. but this time, it unusually hurt less. you were sitting by the piano, a music sheet of chopin, perhaps. you weren't the most well-versed around music.

you stood from the piano stool to slowly observe the things in the room in hopes of gathering more information about this person. undoubtedly, you looked like yourself but this body you possessed wasn't you. you were orphaned, barely survived the apocalypse of your own world, thrown into a dystopian organization served to stop further apocalypses in other worlds.

learning about the countless dimensions you had to travel to, surely, this one couldn't differ more than the rest. the person who lived as you in this world had everything you had ever wanted. loving and supportive parents, friends who were always there for her, a promising future career as an aspiring pianist. but as you gain the memories of this person, the depressing emotions were rather contradicting.

this person felt lonely amidst of everyone, she never felt understood. no one had ever saw through those smiles and laughs. not even this girl who looked like her best friend. then tears started to flow down your cheeks uncontrollably. it couldn't be. she couldn't be.

feeling a little dizzy, you took a seat on the piano stool as you dried your tears and tried to wrap your head around the current situation. of the many dimensions, why this one? you tried so hard to forget everything about her, drown down emotions that were unnecessary for your line of work. it had been forever since the last time you had thought of her. and this time, she wasn't going to just be a memory.

as the metronome lulled you into a daze, you were brought back out of it by the sudden swing open of the bedroom door.

"hey! we literally said to meet up at our usual place! what's taking you so long?"

"huh?"

a girl barged into your room and folded her arms against her chest, seemingly upset that you had stood her up. but you couldn't seem to remember when you had made that promise to her.

it was her. it had been so long, too long since you've seen her with your own eyes. you didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse that you had never encountered her in the past dimensions. but seeing her in front of you, it was getting really hard to not break down in tears.

the wave of guilt and sadness washed over you as you took in how beautiful she still looked, or rather this version of her looked exactly like the love of your life. the love of your life who you couldn't hold onto as her hand slipped from yours, forever gone as she disappeared into the smoke of debris.

you still needed time to gain the memories, so you made up an excuse, hoping she would buy it.

"sorry, it must've slipped my mind. you still up for it?"

you stood from your piano stool as you flashed her an apologetic smile. that made her sigh and roll her eyes, once again defeated by your puss-in-boots eyes cause really, there was never once she had been able to not waiver at the sight of them.

"you bet I am, now get your ass outta here and we have to hurry cause we're already late for the performances."

the look of confusion on your face makes the girl pause in her tracks, extremely confused and cautious of you because you didn't seem to be her best friend, in the sense that you didn't feel like her.

"performances. weren't you there when jaemin told us they'd be busking today?"

"right, yes. the boys' first big performance for that influencer's event."

that part of the memory registered just at the right timing. if you took any longer to respond like her best friend, she would have probably took the shovel in the backyard to whack you. the girl wasn't like your lover, way feistier and carefree. it served as a reminder that she wasn't, this girl was not the woman you had loved wholeheartedly and should not be.

"yes. now let's go."

the girl had to drag you out of your house because of how slow you seemed unusually.

"god, I was so close to knocking some sense into you."

"sorry, I've just been really out of it today."

your infamous cheeky smile never fails to have her shake her head in disbelief. in disbelief of how adorable you always looked with it.

"jaemin! we're here!"

aeri screams across the barricade as the said boy turned his head towards her direction, while you trudged behind her, ensuring that she wasn't falling over anything or anyone from excitement.

you learned her name when you two left your room as your dad shouted her name from downstairs. aeri, it was a pretty name and suited her really well. you couldn't help but draw similarities between the woman you knew and her. but they were also two very different people and that was something you shouldn’t forget.

"hey! I thought you two wouldn't make it before our cue. what happened?"

he had known you two for ages and it was unlikely of you to be late to something, especially when it involved close friends.

"this girl here had forgotten about this. unbelievable if you ask me."

"that's quite true. you good?"

aeri and jaemin truly cared for the person you are temporarily posing as. the gazes that you were receiving felt foreign, accountable to your lack of interaction with people. people who actually mattered to you. each and every time you had warped to another dimension, you would disappear to do what you must to prevent apocalypses regardless of what memories flowed through your consciousness.

it doesn’t take long to get everything in place and run the plans to break the sequence of events, given that you were one of the organization’s elite agents with a flawless portfolio. all that didn’t matter to you, life was already meaningless so why care much?

but the moment you had seen that very smile on her face in that photo frame, you wanted to stay in this dimension longer. even if it meant spending more time than you should in a single dimension.

"yeah, don't worry about me. I just had a splitting headache earlier today and I've just been out of it. I'm all good now though."

you regained your composure after some time and adjusted well with your new surroundings. the reaffirming clutch of your hand in aeri's was very comforting surprisingly, but you didn't understand why.

although she had bore similar physical traits with your lover, there was no reason to feel the warmth seeping through the clasp of your hands. and before your consciousness could give you an answer, your blood ran cold as the image of watching her slip through your fingers into nothing, bringing up the very emotions you were trying to suppress for years.

there was not a single day that you could sleep well as the endless nightmare of that event left you in a void of emptiness and desperation. the desperation of wanting to redeem yourself by saving other dimensions where different versions of her would live, regardless of whether different versions of you were there for her.

but absolutely none of that, would bring your lover back into your arms, safe and sound. smiling at you like those mundane days you had, which you would give anything to get them back.

"great. you two find your seats near the fronts, performers' privilege."

he proudly points towards two empty seats which were inevitably yours since the show had already started 20 minutes ago.

"wow, for once, na jaemin has done an amazing job."

"for once, stop roasting me. now shoo, I need to get my hair fixed."

the bickering between the two seemed so natural that you had kept quiet, not knowing if it was your place to interfere the conversation.

this was something you had always feared when you meddle with a dimension, the feeling of belonging. belonging somewhere that wasn't meant for you. would it hurt to feel? no. but it hurts knowing that whatever you did in this dimension, it wasn't you who did it. in the eyes of others, it was someone else. the deeds you do, the memories you share, the love you yearn.

once upon before the apocalypse, life was like this. concerts, outings, bonding, but it was also a time of weakness. your weakness of being powerless to protect the things precious to you, the people once dear to you. but when you've found the power to, you've lost beyond salvation, and there was nothing left to protect.

as you made your way to the seats, aeri couldn't hold back the urge to ask. because the way your eyes didn't carry that special shine her best friend naturally has, concerned her.

she could sense something different seeping from your usual aura. on certain days when you're not in the best condition, there would be times where she can tell that you aren't happy or upset about something and she'd find the right cure to your sour mood.

however, today felt odd. it was seemingly an aura that she hasn't seen from you. you weren't feeling good, but it felt as if you lost the fire in you. the fire you had bore in your soul for your passion. if it had been a bright red fire, it's like it turned into a calming blue one. somewhere in you, you've lost something, never able to ignite a bright red fire ever again.

aeri had convinced herself that perhaps you were tired from piano, burnt out and taking a break from it to regain that passion.

the previous act had just ended, and everyone were to take a five to check if everything was in order. the blaring speakers and annoying mc finally stopped ringing in your ears. instead, a soft voice tickled your right ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"baby, are you really okay? you don't seem to look well."

the girl had leaned in to whisper, and it almost short-circuited your brain with how proximity was out of the window instantly by that small gesture.

"yeah, I'm fine, what makes you say that?"

"you look.. different."

"and you feel different too."

it was as if she had known from the start, that you weren't her best friend she knew. yet, she was trying her best to make sense of her confusion. deep down, you knew that all of this was making no sense. absolutely no sense how you were sitting here with a person in the face of your lover, waiting for your friend's performance in the middle of the summer. all it took was a step out of the house and another step back to report to your superior of your work.

and here you were, reminiscing the memories you had. they were irreplaceable, and will never be. but no one can stop you from making new ones either. just this once, you say. just this once to hold her in my arms one last time.

as your arm grazed against hers, you were looking into her eyes for the first time since the evening started. never have you realized that she had such mesmerizing eyes, pulling you in like gravity.

when you had gazed into her eyes, she spotted a glimpse of admiration, the one that she was ever so familiar with. it put her at peace, reassured that you were alright that night.

your demeanor changed since that night, but she decided to brush it off, convincing herself that she was just overthinking again like she usually does. but maybe, she should have questioned further.

who were you?

you were a fever dream, but also a lifetime nightmare.

minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into days. the sense of time is only perceived in dimensions that were able to escape apocalypse. back at the headquarters, time was fluid, seemingly long at certain moments and short when you don't even notice. which was why you weren't too worried about residing longer in this dimension beside aeri.

"hey, what do you think about love?"

as she laid her head on your lap as you leaned against her bedframe, the question took you aback a little. this very question was presented to you ages ago by your lover, vaguely remembering the scene in your head. but you remembered your response to it, and it doesn't apply to you anymore. 'love is when I find myself staring at your eyes and get the butterflies each and every time.'

"love is like a thorn in a rose waiting to prick the chosen one."

"it's something so beautiful you can't help but to get close to, and once you admire and realize its worth, it pricks you. leaving you to bleed, it creates a kind of pain that numbs you, yet you reach for it again like none of that happened."

"it makes you yearn for it, and when you've had too many wounds, that's when you notice that you're hopeless."

you never forgot how it felt to love her, it was all too familiar when it felt so natural to fall for aeri, which you almost couldn't resist. the way her eyes curve into crescents as she smiles, the way her scent fill your senses when she leans on your shoulder, the way you feel the butterflies when you stare into her eyes.

it scared you.

this wasn't where you were to belong. yet, the feeling of loving her permeated through your entire being, unable to shake off as you willingly dive deeper into your emotions.

"girl, did someone hurt you?"

aeri laughed away, thinking that you were half-heartedly joking and sarcastically answering the question. her best friend wasn't the type to dwell in the topic of love and dating. she had better priorities in life, which was the piano that sat in her room across from aeri's.

the lack of your laughter made her frown instantly, cursing at herself for perhaps making a mistake.

"what's wrong? did someone really-"

"no no, nothing's wrong. I just thought of that when you asked me. it just felt like love is a rose, it can be beautiful and romantic to some, but also a painful past for others."

"well, you're not wrong. remember that guy from middle school? he was literally the biggest idiot in class and he had the balls to confess to you with a bunch of roses in front of the whole school."

"yeah, that was definitely not it."

you laughed along, but you couldn't. the story was too familiar, this was what happened to you ages ago. not this person you were posing as, but you. the details matched your experience, but only that the person receiving the confession being your lover.

it was too hard to just brush it off as a coincidence. many could be, but this was too specific. timelines matched but with only the people as a difference. the thought of this dimension being a parallel universe of yours brought shivers down your spine. what if it was? what if this dimension's apocalypse was inevitable, just like yours?

many what ifs were not going to stop the apocalypse. you were the only hope to save the world, but screw the world. all that crossed your mind as you caressed her hair was only one thing that mattered to you.

'I will keep you safe, even if it meant that I'd never be able to see you again.'

jaemin and jeno had agreed to go together to a frat party you were technically forced to go by some jock you bumped into in the hallway while you were on your way to meet aeri. the dude kept pestering that you blatantly spat in his face that you were going. he didn't mention that you couldn't have people tag along, so you had asked the boys if it was possible to stick around in case things get out of hand.

the girl though, she had the balls to say that she was worried about you. she was going to stick with you the entire time you were there in case some idiots decided to hit on you, she'd be able to swat them away. the audacity, you thought.

if anything, guys were clearly going to swarm over her instead, and you'd have to act as her bodyguard. given that you're a good three to four inches taller than her, that itself would be possible to scare a majority. nothing could get her off your arm as you walked into the house, reeking of alcohol and sweat already at nine. before you could even show your face to that jock and perhaps head to the quietest area which was probably the pool, you felt eyes on her. maybe this was a bad decision after all.

you didn't want to ruin the mood for the many people who were enjoying this, so all you could do was subside that indecipherable internal anger of yours and find that idiot so you could leave this instant. the dirty looks all over aeri made your insides churn and boil, no matter how much you tried to understand why, you never could.

you didn't love the girl, she was a different person from your lover, just bearing identical physical traits. it was something that you had been telling yourself ever since you arrived here two months ago. that was how long you’ve spent being here, than the usual one-week stay.

trying so hard to deny that you harboured feelings for aeri, your efforts were all in vain when all it takes is just a flash of her smile. even during this moment of her laughing along with jaemin and jeno, it reminds you too much of her. the smile you would see when she feeds the stray cat outside your office, the laughter you would hear when you tickle her during pillow fights.

why was it so hard to walk away and do what you were sent to do here initially? why did fail to resist the sweet temptation of being in love again? when you couldn’t even hold onto that hand of your lover? the hand in yours felt so warm, contradicting the chilly feeling that set into place ever since that day.

she started melting the glacier of ice, while you took a step back to freeze it again. because it’s wrong, so wrong.

"I see hyunjin there."

jeno's voice caught your attention along with the name. following his point of direction, you finally spot that jock chatting away in the kitchen corner with presumably his friends. definitely, you weren't going to let the girl tag along cause enough was enough, another guy and you were going to tear this place down.

"aeri, can you stay with jae for a bit? I'll go say hi then I'll be right back. jeno's gonna be here so don't worry."

although she was very reluctant to let you go alone, you showed her those shining eyes, praying it works again this time. thankfully, she gives you a nod and heads off with jaemin first.

as you made your way towards hyunjin, you were extremely disgusted at how his friends were eyeing you up and down, like you were nothing but just an item. him on the other hand, was a lot better surprisingly.

it reminded you a lot of your high school days. the times when your lover had numerous suitors waiting in line to be her one and only. but she had eyes for you. you were still oblivious of the heart eyes you got from her then. it took you years to realize before you dated. it was the exact definition of ‘she fell first, but you fell harder’. until now, it still pretty much applied.

"hey! you made it!"

"yeah, you were following me around for three days, asking me to come."

he laughed awkwardly, even a little shy. what was this boy's deal?

it was as if the tables have turned, you now dealing with these boys who were fawning over her. perhaps in this dimension, you were quite a popular one.

"I just wanted to get to know you more, so I thought of getting you to come and spend some time together."

as much as he seemed nice, you weren't interested, and unwilling to lead him on to thinking you were.

"sorry, I have a boyfriend. but we could still be friends."

a little lie wouldn’t hurt him, and jeno was conveniently standing on guard with his supposedly scary aura which you found amusing.

you extended your hand politely in hopes he wouldn't have a freak out and frantic screaming that his love interest had an alleged boyfriend.

"I see... well then, great to be your acquaintance. I hope you have enjoy your time here."

you started to notice that his friends weren't eyeing you eerily, but rather that it seemed that they were wary of your intentions with hyunjin. it was as if you were about to play with this boy's heart, and that's when you remembered that rumor of a varsity player being dumped by that good-for-nothing cheerleader.

in fact, you witnessed that cheerleader sucking off some other guy’s face in the stairways. you’ve never made such a fast u-turn in your life, which you probably should have when you were making that decision to join the organization. but have you not joined, you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet aeri. and maybe you would have been long dead.

who knows? you might have met your lover in the afterlife when the creatures found you, had it not for the organization.

if fate decided to play a game, you had no choice but to shoot your shot at it.

"thanks for the invite."

"jaemin, please tell me I'm not crazy. I swear that's not her."

"if that's not her, then who is she? come on, aeri. be real."

"I am being real. she keeps avoiding the hugs I give her, and when I get a little closer, she literally freezes up."

the girl ran her hands through her hair in frustration, not knowing what is the truth and what isn't anymore.

for the past two months, she sensed something different about you. were you drastically different? no. something was, and she just knew. but what? these were the questions that had occupied her head for the past week.

she noticed you avoiding her eyes, taking brief glances only, as if you were afraid. afraid of getting your feelings hurt. but why should you? you've been best friends with aeri for as long as you could remember. if anything, you two were inseparable according to reliable sources like jaemin and jeno.

the only thing was, the memories you gained from the owner of this body. it was torturing you more than you thought it should. the smile on her face through these eyes, the sweet laughter through these ears, the gentle touches through these fingertips. endless nights of witnessing aeri fall asleep before you did. just like those times you did when she was your lover.

"that's it? sis, I thought she'd turn into a werewolf or had poisonous potions in a secret room or something."

"and you're the one who's telling me to be real."

"and you're an idiot. sounds like she just likes you to me."

a thousand questions popped in her head. then those questions were given their respective answers as she put together the puzzle one by one. maybe, you liked her. maybe, you loved her.

but why? nothing had changed between you and her so why now? she admits that she had felt attracted to you at times, but she couldn't be sure that she had feelings for you. however she was uncertain, you hadn't been the most expressive these days and she wasn't a mind reader.

when she saw you emerging from the crowd with jeno, she knew that she needed answers before the night ended.

unfortunately no, aeri didn't get any answers because she didn't have a chance to ask. her frustration fueled the endless beer refills which ended her drunk on your back as you prepared her for bed.

and you were lucky that she hadn't gotten the chance to do so. for the past two months, every day you woke up to was a curse in disguise of a blessing. the realization that hit you every time that like a reminder at the back of your head, that aeri wasn't your lover. and every single thing you've done with her won't remain as time spent with you, but her best friend who's the best pianist to her.

all she remembers when she woke up the next day was nothing, with a hangover that was giving her the worse headache. and you remember everything too vividly.

that night, as you tucked her hair behind her ear, all you could do was hold back sobs as a tear managed to escape, trickling down your cheek.

you couldn't sit by and enjoy this newfound life any longer. the day this world ends was getting closer and you had a mission to prevent the apocalypse. you weren't waivered by the possibility of a punishment that would cost your life. you were terrified of witnessing another time of losing someone you loved, someone you love.

you love aeri, yes. but was it the remnants of the love you had for your lover? although that may have been the case, you couldn't deny that her and aeri shared countless similarities. it was wrong to keep drawing resemblances between the two. nevertheless, one thing was for sure.

this version of you in this dimension, had loved aeri for a long time.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I love you so much."

"please forgive me."

"nothing in this world belongs to me. but this love, my love is all mine, forever for you."

tic, tic, tic, tic.

as the metronome lulled you into a daze, you were brought back out of it by the sudden swing open of the door.

"hey! we literally said to meet up at our usual place! what's taking you so long?"

"huh?"

a girl barged into your room and folded her arms against her chest, seemingly upset that you had stood her up. but you couldn't seem to remember when you had made that promise to her.

"sorry, it must've slipped my mind. you still up for it?"

you stood from your piano stool as you flashed her an apologetic smile. that made her sigh and roll her eyes, once again defeated by your puss-in-boots eyes cause really, there was never once she had been able to not waiver at the sight of them.

"you bet I am, now get your ass outta here and we have to hurry cause we're already late for the performances."

the look of confusion on your face makes the girl pause in her tracks, extremely confused and cautious of you because you didn't seem to be her best friend, in the sense that you didn't feel like her.

"performances. weren't you there when jaemin told us they'd be busking today?"

"right, yes. the boys' first big performance for that influencer's event."

"yes. now let's go."

the girl had to drag you out of your house because of how slow you seemed unusually.

"god, I was so close to knocking some sense into you."

"sorry, I've just been really out of it today."

your infamous cheeky smile never fails to have her shake her head in disbelief. in disbelief of how adorable you always looked with it.

"jaemin! we're here!"

aeri screams across the barricade as the said boy turned his head towards her direction, while you trudged behind her, ensuring that she wasn't falling over anything or anyone from excitement.

"hey! I thought you two wouldn't make it before our cue. what happened?"

he had known you two for ages and it was unlikely of you to be late to something, especially when it involved close friends.

"this girl here had forgotten about this. unbelievable if you ask me."

"that's quite true. you good?"

"yeah, don't worry about me. I just had a splitting headache earlier today and I've just been out of it. I'm all good now though."

you regained your composure after some time and adjusted well with your new surroundings. the reaffirming clutch of your hand in aeri's was very comforting surprisingly, but you didn't understand why.

"great. you two find your seats near the fronts, performers' privilege."

he proudly points towards two empty seats which were inevitably yours since the show had already started 20 minutes ago.

"wow, for once, na jaemin has done an amazing job."

"for once, stop roasting me. now shoo, I need to get my hair fixed."

the bickering between the two seemed so natural that you had kept quiet, not knowing if it was your place to interfere the conversation.

as you made your way to the seats, aeri couldn't hold back the urge to ask. because the way your eyes didn't carry that special shine her best friend naturally has, concerned her.

the previous act had just ended, and everyone were to take a five to check if everything was in order. the blaring speakers and annoying mc finally stopped ringing in your ears. instead, a soft voice tickled your right ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"baby, are you really okay? you don't seem to look well."

the girl had leaned in to whisper, and it almost short-circuited your brain with how proximity was out of the window instantly by that small gesture.

"yeah, I'm fine, what makes you say that?"

"you look.. different."

"and you feel different too."

as your arm grazed against hers, you were looking into her eyes for the first time since the evening started. never have you realized that she had such mesmerizing eyes, pulling you in like gravity.

when you had gazed into her eyes, she spotted a glimpse of admiration, the one that she was ever so familiar with. it put her at peace, reassured that you were alright that night.

your demeanor changed since that night, but she decided to brush it off, convincing herself that she was just overthinking again like she usually does. but maybe, she should have questioned further.

who were you?

jaemin and jeno had agreed to go together to a frat party you were technically forced to go by some jock you bumped into in the hallway while you were on your way to meet aeri. the dude kept pestering that you blatantly spat in his face that you were going. he didn't mention that you couldn't have people tag along, so you had asked the boys if it was possible to stick around in case things get out of hand.

the girl though, she had the balls to say that she was worried about you. she was going to stick with you the entire time you were there in case some idiots decided to hit on you, she'd be able to swat them away. the audacity, you thought.

if anything, guys were clearly going to swarm over her instead, and you'd have to act as her bodyguard. given that you're a good three to four inches taller than her, that itself would be possible to scare a majority. nothing could get her off your arm as you walked into the house, reeking of alcohol and sweat already at 9. before you could even show your face to that jock and perhaps head to the quietest area which was probably the pool, you felt eyes on her. maybe this was a bad decision after all.

you didn't want to ruin the mood for the many people who were enjoying this, so all you could do was subside that indecipherable internal anger of yours and find that idiot so you could leave this instant. the dirty looks all over aeri made your insides churn and boil, no matter how much you tried to understand why, you never could.

"I see hyunjin there."

jeno's voice caught your attention along with the name. following his point of direction, you finally spot that jock chatting away in the kitchen corner with presumably his friends. definitely, you weren't going to let the girl tag along cause enough was enough, another guy and you were going to tear this place down.

"aeri, can you stay with jae for a bit? I'll go say hi then I'll be right back. jeno's gonna be here so you don't need to worry."

although she was very reluctant to let you go alone, you showed her those shining eyes, praying it works again this time. thankfully, she gives you a nod and heads off with jaemin first.

as you made your way towards hyunjin, you were extremely disgusted at how his friends were eyeing you up and down, like you were nothing but just an item. him on the other hand, was a lot better surprisingly.

"hey! you made it!"

"yeah, you were following me around for three days, asking me to come."

he laughed awkwardly, even a little shy. what was this boy's deal?

"I just wanted to get to know you more, so I thought of getting you to come and spend some time together."

as much as he seemed nice, you weren't interested, and unwilling to lead him on to thinking you were.

"sorry, I have a boyfriend. but we could still be friends."

you extended your hand politely in hopes he wouldn't have a freak out and frantic screaming that his love interest had an alleged boyfriend.

"I see... well then, great to be your acquaintance. I hope you have a great time here."

you started to notice that his friends weren't eyeing you eerily, but rather that it seemed that they were wary of your intentions with hyunjin. it was as if you were about to play with this boy's heart, and that's when you remembered that rumor of a varsity player being dumped by that good-for-nothing cheerleader.

"thanks for the invite."

"jaemin, please tell me I'm not crazy. I swear that's not her."

"if that's not her, then who is she? come on, aeri. be real."

"I am being real. she keeps avoiding the hugs I give her, and when I pull her by the arm, she literally freezes up."

the girl ran her hands through her hair in frustration, not knowing what is the truth and what isn't anymore.

"that's it? sis, I thought she'd turn into a werewolf or had poisonous potions in a secret room or something."

"and you're the one who's telling me to be real."

"and you're an idiot. sounds like she just likes you to me."

a thousand questions popped in her head. then those questions were given their respective answers as she put together the puzzle one by one. maybe, you liked her. maybe, you loved her.

but why? nothing had changed between you and her so why now. she admits that she had felt attracted to you at times, but she couldn't be sure that she had feelings for you. however she couldn't be sure, you hadn't been very expressive these days and she wasn't a mind reader.

when she saw you emerging from the crowd with jeno, she knew she needed answers before the night ended.

no, aeri didn't get any answers because she didn't have a chance to ask. her frustration fueled the endless beer refills which ended her drunk on your back as you prepared her for bed.

all she remembers when she woke up the next day was nothing, with a hangover that was giving her the worse headache. and you remember everything too vividly.

that night, as you tucked her hair behind her ear, all you could do was hold back sobs as a tear managed to escape, trickling down your cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I love you so much."

"please forgive me."

"nothing in this world belongs to me. but this love, my love is all mine, forever for you."

'beauty is just a state of mind.'

it was something subjective for you and so was everything that revolved around the topic of art. and yes, you would like to highlight the word 'was', because a stranger at this art exhibition got you to whisper 'beautiful' under your breath, despite not needing to as the crowd had covered your voice entirely, effortlessly.

amongst everyone that had been present here, among all the pieces of artwork from nameless artists, among all the different voices that had registered in your brain. none of anything you knew could accumulate to the beauty taking each step to admire the artwork in front of her that expressed vibrant colors resembling the sun.

many surrounding you were curators scouring for the next big thing, also known as bright young talents to be exploited from. to be frank, not all of them carried such ill intentions, but you had to be brutal as you witnessed from a first row seat as to how vile these people can be. a friend of yours was an aspiring artist, and you were glad to be there to drag them out of the mess they unfortunately got into.

all those reminiscing thoughts were thrown out of the window when you stumbled upon this young lady from across the hall. her dark brown hair cascaded on her shoulders, curled perfectly as it accompanied the color of her pupils. those orbs pulled you in further, as if you had a spell casted upon you.

mesmerized. even this word could not express the way your eyes followed every movement of this stranger. your initial purpose for being here was immediately replaced by her, making your brain hardwired into getting to know her by the end of this exhibition. this may include entirely ignoring your friend's request to keep an eye out on their work which may be displayed.

that was the last thing on your list, sorry not sorry to that friend. as the lady moved on from that one painting onto another in a different room, your feet matched her pace, treading not too far, nor too close. although the exhibition was the highlighted event of the museum, works from the Renaissance period were permanently available for visitors.

as she slipped into a group of people, she disappeared out of your sight, despite you not tearing your gaze away. 'surprisingly skilled,' you thought. why was there a crowd all of a sudden? perhaps it might be due to the present docent, fluently explaining about this huge painting. but nothing had registered in your mind, all of your attention only on this entrancing stranger, finding her once again on the other end of the crowd, seemingly to be lost in her own thoughts.

you don't even notice the crowd dispersing as the docent brings them to a different painting, which is probably another painting depicting Eros and Psyche. this marked your eighteenth time in this very section of the museum that you knew the layout of it like the back of your hand. but all those weren't important.

as much as you were charmed by this stranger, she was too, fascinated by this particular painting of Eros and Psyche. the sparkles flickering in those orbs could not be mistaken as the two of you remained stoned in your spots. so close, yet so far. maybe, just maybe, she was your Eros. shot you with her one of her arrows, leaving you hopelessly in love. hopelessly in love with her, and you are more than grateful to be.

as she breaks her concentration from the painting, the very orbs of the lady that you were staring at for the past five minutes shifted over to meet yours. the moment you knew she had acknowledged your presence, it felt as if wind had been knocked out of your lungs.

she was breathtaking.

with how you were so blatantly staring at her without even caring if she had noticed the intensity of it, she returned your gesture with a small smile before leaving you in front of that painting. when you've realized that you had to go after that mysterious lady, you whipped your head towards the direction she went, only to find that she was nowhere to be seen already.

nothing could be comprehended as of that moment you were bewitched. completely forgetting about your friend's request to look for their piece, you headed home aimlessly. freshened up and the evening glow seeped through your blinds, your eyes wandered across your clean white ceiling. your mind had only been filled with thoughts and images of the lady at the exhibition.

every time you closed your eyes in the shower, the small smile you had received flashes upon you, putting you into a turmoil. a turmoil on how someone so beautiful, so angelic can exist. you don't even know how to get in touch with her, when all you have is her appearance embedded in your mind, carved into stone as you slowly invite this stranger into your life willingly.

for today, you put behind the plans of finding her. if fate decides to play cupid, you'll let them do its job, certainly. but perhaps you had already been shot with an arrow to your heart. and if you knew, you were accepting it with pleasure anyways.

"bro, I've probably left 20 missed calls for you. where the hell were you?"

at this point, it was a daily routine of you trudging into your friend's studio after work followed by her nagging about everything. this time, it seems to be about you not picking up your phone, which you had a very good reason for.

"my bed, it was a tiring day."

you swung your bag down, leaning it against the couch before flopping on it. as it made a squeaking noise from your impact, you could feel her heated glare at you without even being able to see her. technically, you did ditch the museum and not answer her calls while she had already asked you for a favor, in return for that t-shirt you wanted from her closet. you guess you were still getting something, which was her nagging for an entire week on why you shouldn't break promises.

"not cool? you said you were gonna check out the exhibition. and I did ask if you could look out for my painting."

"I did go, I just forgot about the thing, you know."

her chair dragged along the floor and that was your cue to flee from her and the palette knife in her hand as she attempts to murder you.

"minji, calm down. I can just ask my sister to contact the responsible curator if they placed it up or not. easy."

although your dear friend was a kind soul, she can't stand it when things don't go the way she wants it to, especially when it was within her control. well, it was within your control but that wasn't the main point here. getting minji to put her palette knife down was.

"you wouldn't have needed to do that if you didn't forget."

as much as minji tried to look like she was being serious with her palette knife pointed at you, she just could never look intimidating to you.

"I mean, I didn't want to but I just happened to?"

her eyebrows raised at you, demanding an explanation which you were going to give anyways.

"I was... distracted."

"by?"

"someone."

"who?"

"I don't know."

"are you serious?"

"100 percent."

all minji could do was roll her eyes at your weird antics of having the most bizarre answers to her questions at times. she gave you another chance to explain yourself on why you went off the radar yesterday. she placed her palette knife down on the tray as she turned her chair towards the couch and taking a seat, which you accepted the offer to do some storytelling.

"you know how you someone so beautiful, you just get so enchanted that you forget that you needed to do something?"

"umm no? I have narcissistic tendencies, remember?"

you facepalmed, totally forgotten that minji loved herself and her own artwork more than anything in the world. maybe another example that fit her perspective would do the trick.

"right, my bad. so you know when you take a step back and you just go 'wow' when you see your finished piece?"

"ohh, I get it. so you just wanna say you fell in love at first sight?"

love at first sight? now that was something that you didn't think of, need less say anything about it. but was that really what it was about? such a thought had not cross your mind at all for the past day but now that minji had brought it up, there was a possibiliity.

"I don't know. but there's something about her that just makes me so curious. something I can't pinpoint."

"I was half joking about the narcissism by the way. but honestly, it seems to me that she's probably your type."

she tossed you her apron as she made her way to her room to get a change of clothes. it was Tuesday so you two were probably going to head to your usual for lunch. your feelings weren't something you could control, so maybe you'd leave it up to your heart to tell you what you should do. although your brain regulates emotions, you left the decision making to your guts. after all, you followed where your heart told you to go yesterday, towards this beautiful stranger.

"where have you been, cupid?"

as this cupid teleported back to their abode, they had company, a not so welcome one.

"just had a little outing on earth, nothing extravagant."

they hung their cloak on the rack, along with their other identical cloaks that were specifically reserved for other outings on particular days.

"marsh, how many times have I told you to be more careful down there?"

"and how many times have I told you that humans can't see us? kang, relax, maybe you need a day off."

marsh, who adored kang, knew that she would use her last name when she wants to make a point. she could sense the latter's worry laced in her voice despite the choice of words. she turned around to face the other cupid, fully aware of her actions.

"I know going down requires a lot of preparation and all, but humans are just so... interesting."

"danielle. they're vulnerable and weak. what's so interesting about that?"

that was exactly what was interesting about humans to danielle. cupids were unaffected beings who were tasked to fulfill the role of a matchmaker. unaffected by feeble feelings of love. unaffected by the tempting appearance of physical attraction as humans get shot by cupid's arrow. but why was she visible to a mere human, you?

she resisted the urge to let haerin know about the encounter. she could not risk being banished, stripped from her godly powers, and made mortal. rule number one of being on earth was to avoid contact with humans at all costs, and that was already broken against her will when she felt your eyes on her. regardless of whether you had known her identity, she had the responsibility to wipe your memory of her on that very day.

yet she didn't. she wanted you to remember her, for she wanted you to recognize her the next time she pays another visit.

"kim minji! get your ass down here right now!"

"geez, no need for the shouting unless you want that old lady next door to send another complaint."

you shrugged, feigning ignorance as this place is minji's, not yours. plus, the old lady next door adored you like you were her granddaughter since you bring over food occasionally when you drop by.

"well that's on you since you own this place."

"you're a menace."

the slight bump on your shoulder had you smillng, totally not minding the glare you were receiving from your left.

"thanks, appreciate the adoration."

minji was so excited that she literally barged in the small, cozy restaurant. of course she was, you were paying for this meal after all. you couldn't deny since you technically did leave the exhibition empty handed. both without photographic evidence of kim minji's masterpiece, and the contact number of the masterpiece you laid your eyes upon.

"uncle moon!"

"ah, ain't it my favourite little customers?"

the commotion at the front door caught the owner's attention before the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes creased, a smile flashed at his customers.

"if it's her, I'd understand, but I am far from being little."

"one more and you're paying, hun."

you looked up at the tall person, fighting off the urge to pull her down into a headlock.

"I'll have my usual and all of the sides on the menu!"

which is why she took her seat at an empty table in the speed of light and flashing that annoying ass smile at you.

"my usual too, uncle moon. thank you."

when you looked at uncle moon, it was full of admiration for the old man. and when you whipped your head over to your bestie, it was the same. but a different kind of admiration, the kind where you were just so amazed with how she could order the whole sides menu.

"coming right up, yea. and you little ones should stop bickering for once, don't you think?"

the fellow could only chuckle at how you two were always at each other's throats but still remained closer than ever, before returning to the kitchen.

"you heard uncle moon, you should stop being an ass."

"as if I started it first."

"you didn't this time, then what about the past three times we came here?"

"I didn't take you for to be the kind to hold grudges."

"about time you do, we've literally known each other for 8 years."

with that, only soft chatter and the ambience of the restaurant made its presence the heat from the glaring competition couldn’t go unnoticed. but it was soon broken off as you two fell into a fit of laughter.

"now that was some real cringe."

"that was my line but hey, I agree. it sounded like a whole drama scene."

the flow of your conversations with minji had always been unpredictable, going from topics of academics to aliens. she still insists that aliens exist among humans and that maybe, humans themselves were the aliens after all. you definitely needed uncle moon to bring those sides she ordered and stuff her mouth, and you love him so much for actually doing so during your desperate times.

"here's the first half of it, enjoy it first while it's still hot."

luckily, the arrival of her favourite snack interrupted the alien enthusiast from her ted talk. this was a chance to change the topic to a more normal one.

"by the way, how's it going with anton?"

"who?"

"that jock who agreed to model for your project?"

"oh, him."

you were surprised that this girl didn't know the name of the guy that she was screaming over two weeks ago because he was her inspiration. not to mention the lukewarm response.

"oh, him? what happened?"

"nothing much, I asked him after his practice and he said sure."

"then why the long face?"

it was very evident on minji's face that there was something bothering her.

"I offered to buy him dinner, then we went to a bar."

as her face darkened, yours started to brighten because you could tell where this was gonna go, and you were loving every part of it. the anticipation in your face was annoying minji but she continued nonetheless.

"I drank a little too fast, got a little tipsy, then kissed the dude."

with that, you hugged minji like you were the proudest mom on earth.

"my girl's not single anymore!"

"she still pretty much is. we made out but he told me to just forget about it because he would to."

confusion was written all over your face while she feels even more beat after laying it out on the table for you. she did feel some sparks while they spent some time together.

"but wasn't he into you?"

"what do you mean?"

you figured that minji was so dense that she wouldn't notice the glances the boy would give her when you two walk past him in the corridor. and the way he would look at her whenever he scored a point in that match you were there with her.

"anton literally has his eyes glued on you whenever you're around him."

"how the hell do you even know that?"

"dude's obvious and you're oblivious."

the new knowledge for minji had her brain racking over 28 reasons why he had told her to forget about that night. it didn't make any sense if he was into her too.

she was still in her train of thoughts even when the food arrived. the last time you had witnessed a moment of thinking from her was quite some time ago because she really doesn't think before doing something. probably why she ultimately ended up in this sticky situation.

"here's your usuals, little ones."

"thanks, uncle moon."

as you finished setting the table, all you could give was some advice from past flings and romance dramas.

"look, I'm pretty sure he said that to avoid making things uncomfortable for you. you were drunk and maybe he didn’t want to take advantage of that."

"when you meet him for your project, let him know how you felt. and if you want things to progress, go for it."

you shrugged, you knew nothing bad could come out of it when all she's doing is getting that clarification she deserves. and he can tell her that he likes her. sounds like a win-win situation.

"he's quite a nice person, and single."

a few pats on the back brought the minji you knew back to reality.

"just how the hell do you know so much?"

"it's just a bestie thing."

"going down again, danielle?"

leaning by her doorframe, she knew haerin was giving her the look, again.

"for work this time. you can loosen a bit on your end, haerin."

danielle could only chuckle at the constant visits from the younger cupid whenever she's heading out, seemingly suspicious of her.

"not when you visit twice as frequent than the others."

"you know I love the atmosphere there."

the older turned to face haerin, sincerity overflowing her orbs and the gaze on her made her clear her throat. totally not because she wasn't use to such attention on her.

"then make sure you do your job first before loitering around. ms. hanni has been complaining about how you've been late at handing in reports."

she tried to stand her ground as her apprentice and be firm, but she fails miserably each time whenever she notices that slight pout on danielle's lips. sometimes she wonders if this 114-year old cupid was really her mentor.

"okay okay, ms. kitty, maybe you could help me slot that report in then phampham won't be saying that again. deal?"

the younger cupid could only sigh in defeat, knowing that there was no way she could make this girl angry, ever.

"alright, go on now. your humans are waiting for you to bestow upon them."

in the most sarcastic tone ever.

but somehow danielle could feel her heart tremble a little as she makes her way to your realm.

"kim minji!"

"ugh, what now."

"your supplies were at the front door, dumbass."

"shut up, for real?"

pushing the door with your back, you made your way in her studio before the huge box was snatched out of your hands.

"..."

well, she did tell you to shut up, and so you did.

"I didn't mean it literally, dumbass."

"touché."

"what'd you get?"

you plopped on the same spot you always do on the couch as she struggles to open the parcel with her bare hands. as if that was gonna do anything to those tightly stuck tape.

"new paints, some mini canvases, and good ol' varnish."

"what about that shop down the street? you usually head over there."

"they stopped selling that varnish so I thought to try some online shopping instead."

the girl was still struggling to pick on possible openings of the tape, blatantly refusing to get scissors.

"bro, just get some scissors or a knife."

"I got none of them."

"are you serious?"

"yep."

clearly, she wasn't gonna give up on opening that box even if it meant biting her way through that box.

"alright, I'll head to the convenience store to get some scissors. and don't use your teeth, please."

"you almost chipped your front tooth last time."

"thanks, and that was ages ago, would be nice if you dropped it."

as she flashed you an artificial smile, you returned it gladly while pushing the door out.

the convenience store was just a 3-minute walk down then across the street. while you stopped at the crossing, you wondered why there was a surge of people waiting to cross. the nametags on some people told you it was lunch, which made perfect sense.

as the light turned green, you walked accordingly, to avoid bumping into someone accidentally and having to initiate social contact. you shivered a little at the thought of that. maybe it was a little too early for you to say that, even mentally. because you just bumped into someone. damn that mouth.

"sorry, mi-"

although the crowd had crossed over and dispersed, you stood there light-headed. you were finally, truly going crazy from never-ending assignments, you told yourself. cause how the hell is the angel from the exhibition standing right in front of you, looking oh so gorgeous.

"we meet again, stranger. I certainly didn't expect to see you here."

"neither did I..."

you were so out of breath from being in the same space as her that you might have as well forgot how to breathe normally.

"would you like to have a meal together, I was heading for lunch anyways."

the errand was long gone from your mind the moment you laid your eyes again on this mysterious entity. you couldn't bring yourself to believe that she was human because of how mesmerizing she was, feeling so otherworldly to you.

at the meantime, minji had been thinking if she should use her teeth again regardless of what happened.

"yeah, sure. I was heading for mine too."

before letting her lead the way, you were so entranced by her presence that you had totally failed to notice that everything, everyone around you was frozen in time.

with only you and her in the moment, in the middle of a crosswalk, gazes meeting and finding solace in each other unknowingly.

as she whispers under her breath, soft enough to avoid the heavenly principles.

"I love the way we intertwine."

you've been telling yourself that you were going to confess to hanni. and that has been the seventh time you've told yourself that after making up your mind. thinking and imagining about it was the easy step of the plan, but as you try to move onto the next stage of actually carrying out the confession, you just can't find the right timing to do it. (or more like you were just second guessing everything and maybe, you misunderstood her actions and she doesn't actually like you)

your attempts to confess ended up futile. the first time was very ambitious, as you were overflowing with passion to make it the best (and last) confession hanni would ever receive in her entire life. but that passion was met with the 'closed' sign on blooming potion's front door. a small note in the owner's cute handwriting, indicated she had closed early for personal reasons. (you forgot that hanni told you she was going to close early that day for a high school reunion dinner)

and that fact made you feel a little disheartened as it meant that she was going to be meeting her acquaintances who might possibly take the initiative to hit on hanni. to be fair, she's so beautiful that if they were to find out she was still single, your chance would be out the window that very second. (in the near future, you will come to know that all this worry was all for nothing because this certain someone had already fallen down the rabbit hole of love so deep, and she's happier than ever to be there)

since your plans were technically ruined (by yourself), you trudged your way back to blue rain in hopes that your beloved bosses were still in the middle of cleaning up the cafe. lucky for you, they were and you offered to close together. chaewon and minju noticed that you were looking unusually down hence they invited to go for a drink at downtown. technically, you had nothing to do so why not take up the offer? (safe to say, those two had to carry you back to your place and throw you onto your bed cause you drank till you were wasted)

the following attempt had a small margin of success but you were being a coward during the walk back home with her. fidgeting with the bicycle handles, kicking the small pebbles by the road, looking up into the sky, you name it. you tried so hard to shake off the nervousness and fear of getting rejected if you were to confess at that very moment. and by the time you thought you were ready, hanni had already walked up to her doorstep, waving goodbye with that smile you love. (which had you waving back at her awkwardly, as if you weren't so close to shout across that you liked her. which you didn't because that wasn't the best way to confess, obviously)

many more attempts had similar outcomes — failure. you weren't sure why it would end up being bad timings, or your cowardice getting the better of you. or sometimes, the thought of the confession flew past your head because you were too busy admiring hanni as you adore the way she puckers her lips every now and then when she talks about something, and the way her eyes sparkle when it comes to a topic she is interested in. (you were a simp for her, and you loved every second of it)

"you know, just standing by that counter every day at 8 won't get you a girlfriend."

chaewon's voice broke your trance as you tried to figure what went wrong with the last time you tried to confess.

"and you say that because you confessed to minju-unnie on the third date."

"no, I'm saying that because your ass needs to get moving before someone else stumbles upon your crush and makes a move on her."

you slouched on the counter with your arms, running your hands through your hair in frustration.

"it's not that I don't try, unnie. I've been attempting to for the past seven times."

the older girl gave you a skeptical look before standing from her seat by the window, placing her book down next to her cup of iced tea. (it wasn't peak hour so the shop didn't have any customers for the time being, therefore chaewon took the opportunity to laze around as she sent minju out to deliver the online orders)

"I don't know how you've attempted the past seven times, but have you ever considered not planning ahead?"

you looked up from your slouched position to find her leaning against the counter, eyeing you from above before she made her way into the working station.

"I've known you for three years now, and I just know that you would plan things ahead, a little too much ahead."

all you could do was stay silent and chuckle awkwardly because whatever chaewon had said was undeniably true.

"you love things to be perfect, just like how you would want the confession to be the most special, wonderful and extravagant experience for hanni."

"but you missed out on the part where it needs to be heartfelt."

with that, something rang within you. the bell of realization. you realize you weren't able to bring yourself to confess or carry out that plan in your head as it made things artificial. telling hanni you liked her had to come from your heart, not your brain. (during these kind of times, you thank chaewon for not roasting your dumb ass)

"and with it being heartfelt, it can also be simple."

while the older had hit you with words of wisdom, she had already finished brewing up a fresh cup of ice americano for you. it was one of the easiest to make on the menu and also a staple drink for customers in this season of summer.

just like this cup of ice americano, your confession could be simple and straightforward. no public stunts, no sparkles and party poppers, no surprises that would ruin the mood. just you, yourself, would bring out the best confession that only both you and hanni would ever know.

chaewon could only chuckle at your face of astonishment and enlightenment from her words. if she were to be truthful, although she had confessed on her third date with minju, she had also struggled to confess a lot of times before saying sike by kissing her. she had long noticed her on campus before they had officially met through the arranged date. (therefore she was speaking from experience)

she handed you the cup of coffee before leaving to finish that book she left on the table. as you drank your dose of caffeine for the day, you were motivated to just let that confession come naturally, just like how your feelings for hanni fell upon you.

the day went by rather quickly compared to the previous days where you were racking your head over the confession. before you bid farewell to chaewon and minju after closing up, you felt the urge to throw those two into a bear hug, and you did.

"what's with the sudden affection? are you going to kill us and take over the shop?"

minju thought you were going through late puberty these days, so she just went with the flow of whatever you did. including squealing like a lovesick high school girl swooning over a hot guy, which wasn't too far from where instead, you were just squealing over how cute hanni looks when she's asleep. (you went over to blooming potion as usual to walk the florist home but was met with a breathtaking sight of her asleep on the counter. therefore you couldn't help but take approximately 100 photos of her before she woke up naturally)

"maybe, who knows?"

and your playful reply earned a smack on your back from chaewon. but you just laughed it off, knowing that she rolled her eyes at your antics.

"okay, I'm not going to kill you but I am going to thank you for always being here for me, like older sisters."

"you guys just know what to say and when to say it, and I just felt like I wanted to thank you for it."

chaewon and minju exchanged glances and soon tears filled their eyes as it was their turns to bring you into a bear hug.

"you're growing up so fast."

"our baby is so mature these days, I feel so sad."

"why the hell are you talking like you raised me or something?"

they actually do treat you like their baby, especially when minju is giving you butt pats and squishing your cheeks right now.

"technically we sort of did throughout university until we graduated, and we're still raising you through your uni days."

"alright moms, I think the affection session has ended, so I will get going."

as you squirm out of their tight grips, they each gave you a ruffle on your hair before they walked hand in hand towards the opposite direction. (those two act more like your parents than your actual ones)

when you turned around, the familiar sight of blooming potion filled your heart with warmth and love. the thought of being this in love with someone would have never crossed your mind even if just a year ago. it's about time you knew, maybe, you don't like her.

maybe, you love her.

"need help with that?"

the soft ring of the bell on the door accompanied with your voice was something hanni could never get tired off. instead, it was more than she can ever ask for to have you by her side every day as you two walked home. all the days throughout spring into summer this year was special to her. (when she turned over to her left, you came into sight, smiling at her, and that's when her day is complete)

"unnie, I'm pretty sure you're shorter than I am."

she whipped her head towards the sound of your voice while she was arranging some stocks on the top shelves. your offended face had her burst out in laughter but thankfully, she was careful enough up there to not drop anything.

"you're lucky I'm in a good mood today, so I'm letting you off the hook."

it's been months since you've met hanni and came over every evening to walk her home. you oh so naturally walked over to the counter to close the cashier, followed with cleaning up the flower remnants on the countertops.

"what put you in a good mood?"

hanni came down from the ladder before walking over to you by the countertops.

"I don't know, I just feel happy and all that. just not in a bad mood, I guess."

you actually didn't know why. perhaps, you woke up on the right side of the bed, the cafe didn't have any nasty customers with complicated orders, and chaewon wasn't roasting your ass for once. maybe all of these combined made you a better day than the rest, which were undeniably good days too. (you had a hunch that something good was going to happen but couldn't pinpoint on what it was exactly)

"then that calls for a celebration!"

seeing the girl being happy on your behalf, although it was something so trivial. it warmed your heart a little, reminded that you have someone who cherishes you more than yourself.

"for my good mood?"

"yup! we can head to town for this really good ramen place, and right opposite it is a bakery I've really wanted to try."

whenever hanni talked about food, especially bread, her face would literally light up. the next thing you know, you'll have her ramble on about what bread she's into right now and what new stores she's discovered. (you found it really adorable, very endearing as all you do whenever she does that is stare and nod because whatever she likes, you will also)

"sounds like you're eager to go more than I do."

you couldn't help but let a chuckle escape your lips as her cheeks are painted with a light shade of pink. her attempt to hide by turning around with her back facing you let you know you were bullseye. (not sure if it's because you two spend so much time together, her ears turn red when she's shy or embarrassed, just like you do)

"alright, let's close up real quick and head over. hope you don't mind my driving."

renting a car definitely wasn't within the budget. it simply amazes you every time when you find yourself doing the unimaginable for the love of your life.

"two bowls of regular pork bone soup ramen, with an agedashi tofu side. thank you."

the place was rather quiet, despite being in the always bustling town. you wonder how hanni had found such a place, and before you could even look over to ask her, it's as if she read your mind.

"actually, an old friend of mine owns this place. she's currently out right now so maybe later, I could introduce you to her."

"I haven't even asked you, yet you just know what goes on in my head."

"perks of spending time together every day? you know how much we talk throughout the walks and those calls."

"well that, I can't deny."

curiosity about this friend of hers occupied your mind, which had you shoot your question.

"who's this old friend by the way? high school acquaintaince?"

"mhm, we reconnected after losing contact with each other at the reunion dinner the other day."

a nod was your only answer, because what else could you have done? imagine being so young and already running a whole shop on your own, you could never. not when you're only a struggling university student. (to be honest, you were slightly jealous of this old friend of hers before coming to know that she was already dating someone)

before you could create the worst scenarios of hanni and her friend in your head, the food arrived quicker than you expected. maybe god was also trying to save you from unnecessary heartache and worry about those two because really, there was absolutely nothing to fret about.

you tried your best to tell yourself that, but you just couldn't shake off that feeling of uncertainty which began eating you up. rather than eating up the bowl of ramen in front of you. even the younger girl felt it in the air around you, constantly eyeing you as you looked troubled, contradicting the very reason why you were here.

"hanni?"

"jen!"

an unfamiliar voice uttering her name had your head shoot up so fast, you almost choked on that piece of meat that you were swallowing. your eyes followed hanni's movements before it stopped upon a figure a lot taller than her. that was when your head short-circuited before it proceeded to run on that energy drink you had earlier.

"why didn't you tell me you were gonna drop by?"

"it isn't a surprise anymore if I just tell you."

their banter seemed so natural that it made you feel a little out of place. but you kept a façade that you believed wasn't too easy to see through, that you were making this stranger who is an acquaintance of hanni, your competition. (as you relived these memories in a very near future, you wished to smash your head into a wall, hoping to get a wake-up call because you were an idiot for even thinking)

but that didn't last long as your date tiptoed to whisper into jen's ears with the latter bending down a little to match their height. you had no right to be fuming but you did, internally and discreetly. (however, that was when you didn't know that hanni had been asking for advice from jen about her extremely obvious crush on an extremely obvious someone. what she whispered was, 'that's the girl I like by the way, so don't do anything stupid')

the two walked back over to your table before jen flashed you an unsettling and mysterious smile that had some meaning behind it, offering her hand along.

"nice to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you from hanni."

"jennifer, or yunjin. if you prefer korean."

her glance over to the said girl earned her a smack before you stood up to accept the handshake politely.

"nice to meet you, yunjin. although she hasn't told me anything about you, I did hear that you own this place."

"yes I do, along with my girlfriend. I hope you like the food so far, they're century-old recipes passed down from my girlfriend's family so I can guarantee it'd be the best ramen you can have in town."

although yunjin was explaining about the restaurant, you blanked out after hearing the word 'girlfriend'. it would have been great if you could just dig up a hole instantly and bury yourself in it cause oh boy, why did you put yourself through so much agony only to find out this rival of yours wasn't even competing with you in the first place. it was as if you were putting up a fight with an inflatable balloon, if that made sense.

"are you okay?"

the concern laced in hanni's voice dragged you out of your daze.

"yeah, I'm fine. sorry about that, just had a little something going in my head. not the best first impression, I know."

"don't worry, we all have those times. I'll take my leave first, I hope you enjoy the rest of your dinner."

as yunjin excused herself to tend to the restaurant, the two of you resumed with your meals. hanni's eyes never left you the entire time which made you a little awkward before malfunctioning altogether. her undivided attention on you made you wary of everything you did, including the way you chewed on your food or how big each bite was. it was making your heart pound a little harder than usual, but the thought of that didn't cross her mind as she was genuinely worried that you might have been uncomfortable with something.

alas, she was put to ease when you started to regain that playful demeanor of yours towards the end of the meal. you also let your guard down a little when hanni gave yunjin and her girlfriend, kazuha, a hug before leaving the restaurant. the two owners were bigger lovebirds than you expected, ultimately letting out that breath you were holding unknowingly. (honey, loosen up because no one's gonna take your girlfriend away from you)

initially, you were to drive back after dinner and drop your date off before heading back to your place. but seeing how there probably won't be another chance like this (a car you meant) with her, here goes nothing.

"would you mind if we headed south to the beach?"

you suggestion was either a hit or miss, and you could tell hanni loved the idea from the way her eyes shimmered a little at the thought of the calming ambience and scent of the sea. (it's been a while since she visited and she had always loved the sea more than mountains. it oddly felt like home, and so did you)

"of course! after all, I'm not the one driving."

she tried to play off her excitement nonchalantly, earning a chuckle from you.

"alright, let's head off then."

"oh, and we can even have those pastries by the beach."

perhaps because it was a weekday, there weren't many people by the beach. and you weren't complaining as that meant peace and quiet from potential screaming children. (you don't despise kids, but sometimes they can really get on your nerves)

you used to come to the beach back in your hometown as a kid with your parents and sister. your mom would enjoy the sun under the parasol while your dad went to fetch some drinks from the nearby store. you and your sister would build sandcastles and occasionally fight over who made a better one. (your dad would usually be the mediator, critiquing both sandcastles as if they were one of his projects)

the visits slowly died down as you grew older and you were convinced that your sister studying overseas contributed to it. but you do agree that the beach visits need not be so often, especially when your parents were getting old. (it was much better when your mom started reconnecting with her school friends and your dad going for golf with his retiree partners, enjoying the personal time they finally have after you moved out too)

"there's a really nice gazebo over there."

hanni pointed over to the lone gazebo sitting in the middle of the sand. it was a really odd place to see one but you did not question further as she pulled you along. (it would have been nice if she gave you more time to grab the box of pastries cause you almost shook up everything in it)

"hanni, slow down! the pastries are gonna get ruined!"

sometimes, you wonder if she loved bread more than she loved you. that does not sound right. hey, as a friend. (but not for long)

"my pastries!"

she came into an instant halt, making you almost squashing your face against her shoulder. the halt was necessary, with you by the gazebo already. it was a lot more cozy than you had expected, still a little chilly from the night breezes but it was just nice.

you knew she was very impatient ever since you had mentioned the beach. from the way her fingers kept fiddling with the hem of her shirt and how she struggled to conceal a wide grin from being plastered across her face.

hanni couldn't even wait for you to take a seat next to her as she opens the box, revealing the pastries that you and her had chosen before having dinner. even after a bowl of ramen, she still had more space for dessert. (you know what they say, people have a second stomach for desserts and hanni was not an exception)

the food you had earlier was finally easing down from potential indigestion. so you decided to watch the way her cheeks are puffed up from being full with pastries, the way her hair fluttered along the wind, and that cream below her mouth. (you found it adorable which had you leave it there for a while before doing something about it)

"you got some cream there."

pointing at your own to show her, hanni's eyes bore into yours as she attempts to wipe it off. she misses by a margin before trying again, and fails to locate it.

the smile on your face never left while she struggled, rummaging your pocket for the packet of tissue you usually carry along with you. pulling a single piece out, you folded it properly before facing her.

suddenly, you felt yourself break down. not emotionally, rather physically. you know when you see something so entrancing and mesmerizing, you just stop doing whatever you did and changed your course of action according to the visual info? yeah, that was your exact response.

the moonlight cascading on hanni's face, how her eyes glisten, as if she was looking at a person she cherishes a lot. perhaps she does cherish you a lot. and the proximity between your faces was a lot to take in (at this very moment, there was only one thing in your mind, and it sounds absolutely amazing)

your hand holding that tissue dropped down as you dived in to kiss the cream off of hanni's skin. it was a quick peck, your upper lip lightly grazing her lower lip as you pulled back to see her frozen. (big doe eyes, stiff body, mouth agape. if someone happened to walk past at that timing, they would've thought she saw a ghost)

you didn't know where that immense courage came from, and you were pretty sure even hanni was taken aback by your bold move. usually, she would be the one giving you cheek kisses for walking her back.

the grin that was already sporting on her face was replaced with a wider one if possible, and a different one at that. something about it told you that she was more than okay with what you had did back there. and maybe, it caused something to click in your head, figuratively and perhaps literally as if a switch had flipped on.

.

.

.

'confess.'

this very thought caused the adrenaline to course through your system, driving you into an overdrive of emotions. feeling that this was the timing to do it, you take a deep breath as you opened your mouth.

"I like you."

did you already say it before you actually thought you were ready? but that didn't sound like your voice. by the time you had snapped back from your questions, you felt a pair of hands cupping your cheeks before pulling you in closer.

everything went by like a flash and before you could comprehend things properly, hanni's lips on yours was the only thing that mattered at that moment. you could feel chills run down your back before leaving a tingling feeling across your whole body, contradicting the warmth that filled your insides. you weren't making any sense with your descriptions but whatever. (it might have been because of the wind but you knew better that it was hardly cold on summer nights)

'so this is how kisses feel like,' as you thought to yourself. the quick peck wasn't quite similar with this. you could feel hanni's feelings in that kiss, as if she was trying to tell you that she had been in love with you ever since she met you. (technically she did, but it was that she took approximately a week after to admit)

the kiss didn't last very long, considering how you practically broke down as your hands not knowing where to go. if anything, you were sure you looked like an absolute idiot in love with the person right in front of you, which was perfectly accurate.

"so.. do you like me too?"

maybe something about kissing hanni had a certain effect on you as you proceed to nod to her affirmative question, totally forgetting how to make up words to answer her. in a simple conclusion, your brain crashed and automatically had 404 error windows popping up, like how it usually does when she gets too close to you.

"gosh why are you so cute."

the compliments didn't help either with your crimson cheeks as they soon spread through your entire face. the sight of you being embarrassed than ever created the urge for her to wrap you in her arms as she coos at you, which she gladly succumbed to.

although you hadn't said much since, the reciprocated hug consisted of a thousand words of reassurance that you felt the same for her, if not more. as you remained still, listening carefully to your heartbeat and breaths slowly matching hers, your heart swelled when you realized that you found someone to love and that someone loves you very dearly too.

"you know, actually."

hanni's voice pierced through your attention on the everlasting moment. she pulled away slightly from the embrace, yet still holding onto you, before gazing into your eyes and saying the words that you didn't know you wanted to hear from the person you have met accidentally in spring, which was your most hated season.

"I love you,"

"and I will for as long as you and I are here."

every moment spent with hanni felt like a dream, even now. countless times, you had felt that you weren't someone who deserves such an angel in your mundane days, but she reassures you that you are someone who's deserving of all the nice things that exists in the world. (which she hates about because you were more than deserving of love and warmth, and she had been ready to be the one who gave those to you for a long time)

your hearty laugh wasn't something she or anyone in particular got to hear often. it was as if you were content with whatever that life was, for the first time. for the first time that you received the love that you had always wanted. and also because hanni stole your confession right out of your hands.

"you know, that was kinda my line, but I'll let it slide because I am in a good mood today."

"but also because it's you. you're my only exception, pham hanni."

"if I can, I'll say it over and over again until you get tired of me."

.

"I love you,"

"like baby's breath and lemon candies."