silan :))

she felt horrible, wanting someone who was in a loving relationship. you were happy with someone she knew could offer you the world. it wasn't like you were begging for her help, running from an abusive significant other into her arms.

sometimes, she couldn't help but wish that was the case. maybe then, she could find an excuse as to why she fell in love with you.

"it's your feelings," she remembered chaeyeon saying, rubbing her back lightly. "you don't need an excuse to love someone."

she always found herself disagreeing with that statement, no matter how many times she would say the same thing to her other members.

but she wasn't the same as them.

she got into iz*one by chance. she knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would never reach the level that everyone was at, especially your girlfriend and her leader, kwon eunbi.

she was no leader. hell, she was barely even a decent idol in her eyes. there was no way that you would ever look her way when eunbi was there.

still, she couldn't help herself from hoping.

it was early december when she realized she fell in love with you.

the two of you had been out, scouring the city of osaka as the other members of iz*one were back in their hotel rooms, most likely doing a vlive that would get taken off the next day.

the two of you had always been close. you had been her translator when chaeyeon was nowhere to be found, and you aided the other japanese girls in their travels throughout korea.

you were just as helpful as your girlfriend was, and sakura loved it.

it made her feel warm, like the feeling of fire hitting her face on a cold starry night. sometimes, it was enough to make her forget that ash could get in her eyes.

she didn't care though. she didn't feel it anyways.

the two of you continued to walk through the streets, her shivering as you looked around, trying to find a convenient store that sold korean snacks. your girlfriend had been craving it, and you wanted to surprise her.

you turned to look at sakura, finding her shaking, her teeth chattering from the sheer cold that night.

she rubbed her arms up and down despite wearing a jacket. it was a mistake to wear such a light one, but she didn't anticipate the city to be this cold. she could even feel the air nip the tip of her nose.

suddenly, she felt something warm wrap around her shoulders.

"what are you doing?"

"you looked cold." you smiled at her, one that made her forget all about the freezing weather. "i can't have japan's number one idol die on me. everyone would kill me."

sakura nodded, grateful that the air had already made her cheeks turn a bright red. she couldn't risk you knowing.

knowing what? she thought to herself. there's nothing to know.

she glanced at you, trying your best to not shiver underneath the bright street lights of osaka. your breath turned visible as you smiled at her, your eyes turning into moon-shaped crescents.

sakura felt her hands twitch, trying to reach for you before you quickly ran up to a random korean store where you hoped to have exactly what you needed.

"i found it!" you smiled, your shaking body ushering her to walk faster as she wrapped herself in the smell of you.

please. she watched as you continued to shiver. please let me reach her in time.

you smiled at her, one that made her regret not meeting you sooner.

oh. i love you.

she didn't reach you at all.

it was mid december when she felt her heart break beyond repair.

iz*one had disbanded, and she found herself debuting with another group, another team that she considered her family.

it had been three years since then.

but, she still thought of you.

she wondered how you were doing. were you still with eunbi? was your favorite color still a dark red? maybe, you had even dyed your hair that one color you had been obsessing over for years.

sakura wondered if you still remembered her.

she still remembered you.

she remembered your soft, long hair, usually tucked in a ponytail as you helped eunbi with the chores in their dorm. she remembered your delicate smile, one that shined so bright that she would've been afraid to blind herself if she hadn't already been blinded. she remembered your hopeful words to her, praying for her to realize how amazing she had been the entire time.

she wondered if you had realized it yourself.

sakura shook her head. there was no point in reminiscing about the past. not like this.

"unnie." she heard chaewon whisper from the door. "it's for you."

sakura stood up from her bed, a curious gaze making its way to the paper that the younger girl was holding. she never got mail, not even for taxes. that was sent straight to her lawyer.

chaewon handed her the envelope with caution, the dark red paper grazing sakura's hand as she took it.

dark red. she smiled. y/n's favorite.

she turned it around, finding gold letters engraved into the velvet-like paper with her name on it. curiously, she looked up at chaewon, but the leader avoided her eyes.

sakura turned it back around, opening it carefully, almost as if she was too afraid to break it. she pulled out the letter, wondering what type of news an envelope this fancy could hold.

oh.

"unnie?"

sakura couldn't tear her eyes away from your handwriting. she knew it clearly. the way that you curved the bottom of the 'j's and the flick at the end of each sentence you wrote.

SAVE THE DATE!

she looked at the back of the paper, a bittersweet smile stuck on her face as her tears fell onto the work that she knew you spent hours on.

she hoped you could forgive her (for the paper, and for the way she felt).

sakura! i've missed you! i hope you remembered me... i know it's been a while, but i would love it if you could come to my wedding as my bridesmaid! you were the only person i could think of but no pressure okay? you being there is enough for me - (soon-to-be) kwon y/n

"unnie... are you okay?"

at least sakura knew you remembered her.

it was late december when she finds herself standing at the altar.

she watches you as you walk down the isle, tears in her eyes as you smile in her direction.

she had always thought you looked beautiful, but she had never seen someone look like this, not in her entire 28 years of living.

sometimes, she regrets going with you that night. you had made her fall in love with you, with no intention of loving her back. your heart had already been given to someone else. it wasn't fair.

she watches eunbi smile at you, tears pouring down from her eyes as if she had just met an angel.

despite how broken she felt, she couldn't help but know the two of you were perfect for each other, just like how you were perfect for her.

she just wishes she was perfect for you.

behind the bride, chaeyeon looks at her in worry.

sakura wants to say that she's fine, and maybe if she did, she'd believe it.

she looks at you once more, the feeling of warmth spreading through her veins, like a cold december night spent in front of a campfire.

she finally knows what it feels like to get ash in her eyes.

00. THE PROLOGUE

more to come...

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐊.

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