I don't stan this group, but I mostly started writing fics because my best friend wanted to read fanfics but couldn't find anything she really liked. I will post them but won't write anything about Ningning, Giselle, or Karina because I simply don't know them well enough.
Every post about Winter will be a copy of the version I'll write for my friend.
UPDATE: I will no longer take writing ideas for Winter, and all the stories I started writing/wrote will stay unposted. The two posts already posted are staying on my account, but don't ask for part.2 or more posts.
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genre: Fluffy, angsty, and if you squint hard enough a sprinkle of smut
tags: emotional themes (grief, abandonment, burnout) slow burn, so much praise, insecurities and self-worth issues, emotional intimacy, single dad au, strangers to lovers
summary: he moves into the house across from yours in the quiet cul-de-sac and you don’t think much of it at first. Just a new neighbor, that’s all. You don’t know much about him, only that he works on cars in his garage, mows his lawn shirtless like he’s trying to be a problem on purpose, and always looks a little too tired. Should be easy to ignore. Right?
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Part One
summary: A quiet cul-de-sac, a man who keeps to his garage, and a life that looks sealed off from the outside. Until a little girl opens the door you didn’t know was there. What starts as curiosity turns into small everyday crossings of distance, where tired hands, shared meals, and soft routines begin to blur the line between neighbor and something more.
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Three days later, Chan learned two very important things.
One: His daughter had somehow become emotionally attached to you at alarming speed.
And two: You were apparently immune to embarrassment.
“Dad,” the toddler whispered loudly from the shopping cart seat, “there she is.”
He looked up immediately and spotted you near the produce section, dressed in soft shorts and an oversized shirt while carefully inspecting mangos like your life depended on it.
He barely had time to fully think and react before his daughter started waving both arms aggressively from the cart.
“HI!”
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Part Two
summary: You didn’t mean to become part of their routine.But somewhere between late dinners, early mornings, and a child who loves loudly without hesitation, the line between helping and staying starts to disappear quietly, without permission.
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For once, Chan didn’t immediately have a response, he just looked at you, like he was trying to decide what to do with that.
His gaze dropped briefly, towards your mouth, then back up. A tiny movement of course, something that was easy to miss.
But for you, impossible to ignore.
Your breath caught, and so did his.
And suddenly the space in between you felt very little, very quiet.
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Part Three
summary: By Friday, what was meant to be a simple one-on-one outing starts to feel like something neither of you can easily label. The evening unfolds through small, shifting moments that blur the line between casual conversation and growing connection, leaving both of you more aware of each other than you intended.
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And when the crowd shifted again, neither of you drifted apart until the music began to wind down and the crowds started to thin.
You followed the rest of the stragglers toward the exit, watching them as you went.
A couple holding hands.
A man trying to negotiate with a vendor before closing.
A group of friends going into the photobooth.
Right. Photos.
You stopped walking and Chan quickly followed suit.
“What?”
You smiled mischievously, “We forgot to take pictures.”
He stiffened up, “No.”
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Part Four
summary: Chan’s life as a single dad and his growing connection with you begin to naturally intertwine as you become a steady presence in both his and Jia’s world. What starts as simple comfort and routine slowly builds into something more charged and emotionally loaded, though neither of you rush to define it.
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“Hey, free to chat?” he asked, like he hadn’t been standing outside long enough to lose an entire argument with himself.
“I am” your voice came through easy. “You okay?”
That alone made him exhale a little,“…Yeah,” he lied automatically.
Then, he added on weaker, “Not really.”
That got a small laugh from you, “I figured,” you said.
He shifted his weight, still standing outside the shop without fully committing to going in or walking away.
“Is this one of those situations where I’m overthinking something that doesn’t need thinking?” he asked.
There was a pause on your end.
“Probably.”
That was so blunt he almost laughed. “…That’s not comforting.”
“It’s not meant to be,” you said lightly. “It’s meant to stop you.”
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Part Five (contains smut)
summary: after acknowledging your feelings and sharing your first night without Jia together, you spend a quiet weekend settling into the developing relationship. You begin to learn what it means to simply be together.
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You kiss his nose, "good?" His hold on you tightens as his eyes meet yours, "Perfect," he pecks your lips. "You are so perfect."
Your heart hammered against your ribs, so loudly you were convinced he could feel every beat through the fabric of your shirt. Judging by the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, maybe he could.
"You're staring," you whispered, trying to hide your face against his shoulder.
"I know."
"It's making me nervous."
He laughed softly. "Don't be acting all shy now."
You groaned, burying your face even deeper into his chest. "I mean it," he said, still smiling. "You're cute."
"I'm choosing to ignore you."
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Part Six (contains smut)
summary: By Sunday morning, Chan realizes he's deeply attached to you, cherishing the quiet intimacy and shared moments from the weekend. As you both prepare to part ways, he expresses his desire to make your time together more consistent and meaningful. Despite the uncertainties about the future, there's a sense of comfort and promise in simply being together in the present.
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You pecked his lips, “I’m already knowing baby, it’s okay. You should go pick it up."
He still didn't move.
You laughed quietly. "Chan."
"I know," he repeated, smiling this time. "I'm just….not in a hurry for this weekend to be over."
Your expression softened, "it isn't over."
"No?"
You shook your head, "We still have tonight."
His eyebrows lifted hopefully, "after Jia goes to bed?"
"If you'll have me."
A grin spread across his face before he kissed your forehead, "I'll always want you, babydoll."
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Part Seven (contains some smut)
summary:
What starts as a simple morning together turns into something neither of you expected. As Jia begins to see you as part of her everyday life and Chan learns more about the dream you’ve been carrying, he finds himself wanting to help in the only way he knows how: quietly, completely, and without asking for anything in return.
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You nodded, turning back toward the stove. “I can tell.”
She followed your gaze, her eyes widening when she noticed what you were cooking. “Are those pancakes?”
“Mhm.”
“For breakfast?”
You looked over your shoulder, pretending to think about it. “I was hoping they were.”
Jia giggled as she climbed into her chair at the table, still looking down at her butterfly shirt every few seconds like she couldn’t believe how well it turned out.
Chan moved beside you, reaching for a plate while you continued flipping, “you found everything okay?” he asked quietly.
You looked over at him. The question was simple, but the smile that came with it wasn’t. You shrugged lightly. “I’ve been here enough times.”
His eyes stayed on you for a second longer before he nodded. “Yeah,” he said softly. “You have.”
Her Father’s Daughter—Arthur Morgan x Reader Ch 21
When the Van Der Linde gang spots the daughter of Leviticus Cornwall on the train down in Colter, things get interesting.
A/N: I am sooooo sorry this took so long. There was one section that was really hard to write for me because I’d never done it before (I’m sure you can figure out which one) and it just left me stumped. Also the professor of my online class is evil so there’s that.
The first shout reaches camp long before the riders do.
Conversation dies almost instantly. Karen stops in the middle of laughing at something Mary-Beth has said. Pearson looks up from his stew pot, wooden spoon still in hand. Even Reverend Swanson stirs enough to lift his head from where he’d been sleeping beneath a tree.
Then another shout drifts through the trees, much louder this time. And wildly, unmistakably Irish. “Fear not! I know you’ve all missed me, but the joy is back in your lives now!”
The riders break through the trees, Sean crowing at the top of his lungs. He looks a bit battered but rejuvenated somehow, while behind him, Charles and Javier look the opposite.
“He talked the entire way here,” the look in Javier’s eyes is reminiscent of a soldier returning from battle, “The entire way.”
“And you loved every second of it, you grouchy bastard!” Sean, unbothered, hops down from his horse and throws his arms open. No one runs to him.
“What?” he says with mock offense, “No warm embrace for a long lost brother, finally found? I see how it is!”
“You’re lucky we didn’t leave you to those bounty hunters!” Arthur grouses, already clinking beer bottles with Lenny.
“Ah, I knew you lot wouldn’t go that far, even if you are all heartless bastards!” Sean laughs, producing several bottles from his saddlebags, “And look what I nicked from the shopkeep, eh?”
Charles rolls his eyes as he hitches Taima. “We have to use that store for supply runs. Legitimate ones.”
“Awe, quit yer complainin’ and start celebratin’!” Sean’s says, and this time when he lifts a bottle, the camp cheers along with him.
Within minutes, he has commandeered the center of camp, one arm slung around Javier’s shoulders while he loudly recounts increasingly implausible details of his captivity.
“And then there were hundreds of ’em,” Sean insists, “But it keeps more than that to keep down Sean MacGuire!”
“There were dozens at the most,” Charles says calmly. Sean waves him off.
“Hundreds of heavily armed men, Charles. A whole army. Don’t diminish my suffering.”
Laughter ripples through the cam, and music begins in earnest. Javier settles onto an overturned crate with his guitar while Mary-Beth and Karen clap along. Pearson passes around bowls of stew and thick slices of bread. Someone thrusts a bottle into Sean’s hand, which he raises triumphantly toward the darkening sky.
“To freedom!” he shouts.
“To Sean!” several voices answer.
The redhead makes his way over to you, and you stiffen, immediately looking for Arthur, but he’s busy with Lenny.
“You must be the infamous Miss Cornwall, eh? Sean MacGuire, at your service! I have to say, you look much prettier in person than in the newspaper, if such a thing was even possible!”
“Leave her be, Sean.” Charles grabs his arm and tugs him away, and you give him a grateful smile.
You linger near the edge of the gathering, uncertain of where exactly you belong. And suddenly Arthur is beside you with two bottles.
“Oh, no thank you. I tried beer earlier tonight and it was horrid.” You say politely.
Arthur laughs, holding out a bottle. “This ain’t beer.”
You eye it suspiciously. “What is it?”
“Peach brandy,” he says. You consider it for a moment and he explains further, “Got it at the store while we was in town. Seemed sweet. Thought you might like it.”
You reach out and take the bottle, the warmth from his hand still on the glass. Karen appears at your side, ruby necklace flashing in the lantern light. “Oh, don’t you dare back out now.”
“You said you wanted to live like one of us for a night.”
“I said no such thing.”
“And one drink ain’t gonna hurt you!” Tilly adds.
Mary-Beth smiles. “Besides, Sean’ll never forgive us if we don’t celebrate properly.”
Sean cheers. “It’s true, all right! Miss Cornwall, they beat me, burned me feet, pulled out me teeth, and the only thing that might make me truly feel better is seeing you try some brandy!”
You relent and take a cautious sip. The sweetness surprises you, and warmth spreads across your tongue instead of bitterness.
“Oh.”
Karen grins. “See?”
You take another sip, and then another. Arthur watches your expression carefully. “Well?”
“…That is considerably better than beer.”
“Told you.”
Before long, the music seems a little brighter, Sean a little funnier, and the knot that had lived between your shoulders since Phee’s death loosens, just for a little while.
There’s dancing. There’s music. Abigail and Molly chat amicably by the fire, and best of all, Micah isn’t there. Your corset is much tighter than you remember it being, but that’s a problem for another day. You sip on your brandy, cheeks getting warmer, as you drift through the camp. Somehow you end up sitting beside Arthur on an overturned crate at the edge of the firelight, your glass of peach brandy warming your hands. The sweet burn has left your cheeks pleasantly flushed and softened the edges of your thoughts in a way you find both alarming and strangely enjoyable.
A smooth voice sounds behind you.
“Miss Cornwall.” You turn to find Josiah Trelawney standing there with an easy smile and an exaggerated flourish of his hand.
“Mr. Trelawney.”
His gaze moves appraisingly over the gathering before settling on you. “You seem considerably more at ease than when we first met.”
You take another sip of brandy and consider him.
“I suppose.” Why is he bothering you? Can’t he see you’re with Arthur? It’s wasn’t polite to try to engage you in conversation at the moment. His eyes drift briefly toward your neck, and you can’t stop yourself from frowning slightly. “Although I must say, I notice your pearl necklace is absent this evening.”
Instinctively, your fingers rise to your collarbone before you can stop them. “Oh. Yes.”
Trelawney tilts his head thoughtfully, “How curious. Because I believe I may have found one of the missing pearls.”
Your attention sharpens immediately. Abigail could use it as well! “You did?”
“Indeed.” He steps a little closer, extending one hand toward your shoulder.
You freeze. What in the blazes? Arthur watches the exchange with mild interest, clearly unconcerned.
Trelawney’s fingers brush lightly against the fabric of your sleeve before he draws back and opens his palm, revealing a single, perfect white pearl. You blink in surprise.
“How on earth—?”
You reach for it automatically, but the instant your fingers close around it, Trelawney snaps his fingers, and the pearl vanishes. You jerk your hand back with a startled gasp. Beside you, Arthur still seems unconcerned, which you find a bit rude.
Trelawney opens his other hand with a flourish. The pearl now rests between his fingers.“Ta-da.”
You stare at him for a long moment, then you stare at the pearl, then back at him.
“Mr. Trelawney.” You say as politely as you can. Trelawney, to his credit, seems to notice that something has gone awry.
“Yes?”
“You cannot simply do that.”
His smile falters. “I beg your pardon?”
“You removed an object from my person without permission.”
Trelawney blinks in genuine confusion. “My dear Miss Cornwall, it was merely a harmless diversion.”
“That is hardly the point.” You straighten your spine, suddenly feeling quite indignant. “A magician ought to announce his intentions beforehand.”
For a heartbeat, there is silence. Then Arthur lets out such a loud laugh that Javier misses a chord.
Trelawney’s expression shifts from confusion to fascination. “Announce my intentions?”
“Certainly. It is incredibly improper to begin performing tricks on unsuspecting people.”
Arthur leans forward, elbows on his knees, laughing so hard he has to catch his breath. “You hear that, Trelawney? You’re bein’ improper.”
You turn to Arthur with a frown. “This is not amusing.”
He lifts his head just enough to look at you, his blue-green eyes bright with tears of laughter.
“You thought he was breakin’ magician etiquette.”
“There is magician etiquette.”
That sends him into another fit of laughter. Trelawney places a hand over his heart. “I assure you, Miss Cornwall, this is the first time I have ever been accused of excessive spontaneity.”
“You practically accosted me!”
He bows. “My apologies. That was not my intention.”
You incline your head graciously. “Thank you.”
Arthur is still grinning at you in open disbelief, his eyes crinkled at the corners. “I ain’t never seen anyone scold Trelawney before.”
“It was necessary.”
“I stand corrected. In future, should I feel compelled to make objects disappear in your vicinity, I shall provide adequate warning.” Trelawney disappears, and you’re finally left alone with Arthur again. You’re close to finishing your glass of brandy and saying something foolish when Mary-Beth walks up. Wearing your pearls. The realization strikes you with surprising force.
“Arthur,” she says brightly, holding out her hand. “Dance with me.”
You freeze. Think of something clever to say so he’ll be so engrossed in conversation he cannot leave! Arthur glances at her hand, then at you. You can’t formulate anything compelling enough, opening and closing your mouth like a fish.
“Aw, hell,” he mutters. “I don’t dance.”
Mary-Beth rolls her eyes affectionately.“That’s never stopped you before.”
Karen overhears and immediately joins in. “Oh, come on, Arthur! Sean just got back from nearly being hanged. Least you can do is celebrate.”
Sean points accusingly from across the fire. “Refusin’ a lady? That’s low, even for you.”
The camp erupts into laughter. Arthur shakes his head. “You’re insufferable.”
Mary-Beth simply smiles and waits. Why is she smiling like the world has just been handed to her on a silver platter? Dancing isn’t that big of a deal. Hardly an intimate act, really.
“One dance.”
She beams. As if it was some great victory! You give the two of them a polite smile and realize your brandy bottle is empty and reach for another.
“You look like you’re glaring holes into poor Mary-Beth.” You recognize Abigail’s voice.
“I am doing no such thing.” But you don’t take your eyes off the two of them even as she sits next to you. Mary-Beth, unaware of your inner turmoil, giggles at something Arthur says. What on earth could be so funny?
“Arthur’s more of a big brother to the younger girls. Especially Mary-Beth and Tilly.”
“That’s lovely for them.”
Abigail finally tugs on your sleeve and forces you to look at her. There’s a flush on her cheeks that you’re sure is mirrored on your own.
“Just do it, you know? You only live once,” she says, taking a swig of her bottle. There’s a pause. “Just don’t get pregnant.”
“I would never—I was not planning on engaging in anything—”
“Well, start planning it! It was a long time ago, but when me and John first got together…Lo-ord.” Abigail whistles, “Boy, could that man use his tongue-”
Your face turns scarlet red. “You’re drunk!”
Abigail raises a brow. “So are you!”
“I…I am! Perhaps a little.” Everything seems a bit funnier now, like the world is tinted at the edges with something bright and shiny and safe. “And what do you mean, use his tongue? To kiss you?” You hated kissing with tongue. William was just so…slimy and…eugh.
“Sure, to kiss me. Right on my cun-”
“Abigail!” You lean forward, sloppily pressing a hand over her mouth, “My Lord! My…my Lord, you cannot say such things!”
She removes your hand and starts laughing, and then you start laughing, and you’re both laughing so hard you can barely breathe.
The night passes on in a haze of firelight and peach brandy. You float from one group to the next, always somehow aware of where Arthur is.
“Arthur, how come you ain’t never been married?” Lenny asks.
“No one would have me.” He says it in such a mournful tone that you want to go and…and shake him, and tell him he’s being silly, but Karen is grabbing your hand and leading you away and teaching you how to play blackjack, and the loser has to drink, and then the games turns into whoever can finish their bottle first wins, and your mouth is filled with victory and peaches.
And then you’re next to Arthur on a crate again.
Sean is in the center of camp, gesturing so wildly during another story that he nearly spills his bottle. Javier has resumed playing, the melody slower now, while Mary-Beth and Tilly sway together to the music without much regard for keeping time.
The sight of Mary-Beth annoys you, so you say somewhat peevishly, “They’re not even keeping time.”
“They’re just havin’ fun.” Arthur’s cheeks seem a bit flushed too, but perhaps it’s just the firelight.
“You can still have fun when following the rules,” You rise before you can reconsider. “Come here.”
You’d show Arthur what a good dancer you were, all the years spent in lessons with that horridly mean Frenchwoman your mother had hired, you would impress him with your grace and dexterity…
Arthur doesn’t move.
“…Why?”
“I am going to teach you.” Why did he insist on ruining your plans?
He lets out a long sigh before setting his bottle aside and standing.
“Well, you don’t have to if it’s going to make you so unhappy. I don’t…I don’t…you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do just to please me.” William’s face hovers in your mind before you banish it.
Arthur’s gaze softens. “I know. I’m just bein’ an ass. I’m sorry.”
The apologetic smile he gives you makes your stomach flutter. You stop a respectable distance away and straighten your shoulders.
“Now.”
Arthur waits.
“You are standing incorrectly.”
“I’m—” he snorts, “Alright, sure. Show me how to stand right.”
“May I?”He nods.
You place one hand lightly against his shoulder, nudging it back. “No, relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
“You’re a very aggravating student.”
You reach for his hand next, lifting it gently.
“This one stays here.”
“And yours?”
“In yours.”
Your fingers settle into his almost absentmindedly. Something sparks in your chest, your lower stomach, your whole body-
Arthur notices your hesitation.
“You alright?”
“Yes.” You clear your throat.
“Now…” You hesitate, “Your other hand belongs…”
Your eyes drift toward his shoulder before lowering. My, what a…a finely formed shoulder it was. You were just admiring his figure the way people admire statues.
“…Here.”
He studies you for a moment before resting his hand, almost cautiously, against the middle of your back. Like he’s afraid to touch you. And that should fill you with relief, but the feeling that floods your chest is disappointment. You want him to touch you, to hold you tighter, to pull you close—
“No,” you murmur.
“Too low?”
“A little.”
He shifts it upward. “There?”
“…Yes.” The warmth of his hand seems to spread through the fabric of your dress. Your heart gives one traitorous little flutter.
“There,” you say, perhaps a touch too quickly, “Now we move. The waltz is a…a 1,2,3,4…”
“Oh, you’re leading?” There’s a hint of a laugh in his voice.
“Certainly.”
“I thought the man did.”
“The man is learning.” You correct him.
“Right. Yes ma’am.” There’s a twinkle in his eye. It’s not even funny, but something about it makes you let out a girlish giggle. It’s so undignified, so unbecoming. But Arthur’s face only softens further.
“You got a real sweet laugh.”
Your eyes go wide as saucers. Your laugh was not something you practiced or refined or trained. It was not taught. It just…it was just yours.
“Thank you,” you whisper, cheeks turning red. You try to lead him, but end up stumbling, which makes you laugh again.
“Guess you’ve had a few, huh?” Arthur says, that impossibly soft look in his eyes again.
You can’t stop giggling. “So have you!”
He shrugs. “So have I.”
And then he laughs, and you’re both laughing, and you’re trying to teach him the proper steps but it’s hard to get a word out, and then you’re tripping and stumbling into each other which only makes you both laugh harder. It’s 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3–stop, you’ve stepped on my foot, it was an accident, I know, it’s alright, don’t laugh at me, I’m not laughing at you I’m laughing with you, then you were both laughing, 1-2-3-4, 1-...1-2, no try again, yes that’s it, you’re a good student, well you’re a good teacher. The firelight casts shadows that should make him look dangerous but only make him look handsome. You trip and stumble and twirl as people call out that it’s been real fun but they ought to tuck in, that they’ve got to be up in the morning, that they’re worn out from all the dancing but you don’t look at them and don’t respond because you’re looking at Arthur and Arthur is looking at you.
And then you trip and there’s strong arms around you hauling you against a warm chest. There’s no laughter now, only heavy breathing and a charged stillness between you as you stare into his eyes.
Arthur steadies you, one arm around your waist, the other still holding your hand. “You alright?”
You nod and neither of you moves.
His hand loosens, as though preparing to let you stand on your own again. Before he can, your fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around his. His eyes meet yours, his voice almost pained, “Clara…”
“Don’t.” You insist, “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“…Let go.”
Arthur doesn’t answer.
You can feel the rise and fall of his breathing beneath your hand. The music from the fire has faded into little more than a pleasant blur somewhere behind you, swallowed by the chirping of crickets and the distant laughter rolling across camp. The whole world seems to have narrowed to the space between the two of you.
“You’ve had quite a bit to drink,” he says at last, his voice rougher than before.
“I know. We already spoke of it.” But it didn’t seem as funny now.
“So have I.”
“I know that too.”
Another silence settles between you as his thumb shifts almost unconsciously against the back of your hand.
“Tomorrow,” he says quietly, “you might wake up wishin’ this never happened.”
You search his face, heart dropping. “Would you?”
Arthur lets out a small, humorless laugh. “That’s not what worries me.”
Something twists painfully inside your chest. “Arthur…”
He looks as though he’s fighting himself. “You deserve someone respectable,” he murmurs. “A fine gentleman, someone who’s your equal. Not…” He gestures vaguely toward himself.
“Someone like my husband, you mean?” You ask quietly.
“That’s not-”
I hate the fine gentlemen in New York,” you burst out, “I hate them. They’re…they’re empty.” All of them were empty, with whatever was fashionable pasted on the outside of their hollow shells so no one could see the deadness behind their eyes. They dressed as one, danced as one, thought as one, marching blindly along to whatever had been deemed desirable. Was there a real man among them? Was there one who pursued something for no other reason than that he enjoyed it?
Arthur liked to draw. He wrote in his journal. You saw him talking to his horse when he thought no one was watching. He did not pick his friends based on their color or sex. His hand was warm. He was real.
“They’re empty,” you insist again, “I hate them. I want you.”
For the first time since he caught you, Arthur’s composure slips entirely. His eyes search yours as though looking for some sign that this is a joke, or the brandy talking, or a dream from which he’s about to wake. He doesn’t find one. Very slowly, as though giving you every opportunity to change your mind, he lifts one hand and brushes a loose curl away from your face, his knuckles grazing your cheek.
“Clara…”
You don’t know whether it’s the brandy, or the music, or the way he says your name like it’s something precious, but every lesson in propriety your mother ever drilled into you suddenly feels impossibly far away.
You rise onto your toes.
When your lips meet his, there is nothing accidental about it. It is only a soft, lingering kiss, hesitant enough that either of you could still retreat. Arthur pulls back briefly, cupping your face in his hands, eyes darting over your face like he’s looking for something. And he must find it, because he pulls you in and kisses you.
His mouth moves against yours, his hands nearly shaking as he cradles your face. The force of it makes you lean backwards, but he’s got you. He’s got you. Hesitantly, you try to mimic the motions of his lips, and you swear you can feel him smile.
You pull back to catch your breath.
“Arthur,” you say, “Arthur.”
“You alright?” His brow furrows in concern. His hands haven’t left your face.
“What you said in the carriage about things being enjoyable…I want it. I want it. Show me.”
He closes his eyes, leaning his forehead against yours, taking a deep breath.
“Please?” you venture.
He groans, and then his mouth is on your neck, kissing and nipping and biting. You swear it’s the best sensation you’ve ever felt in your life. You gasp, arching into his touch.
“Gonna give you whatever you want, sweetheart,” he murmurs between kisses, “But we gotta go back to the tent.”
You grab his hand and pull him towards the tent so quickly he huffs out a “Jesus!”
But he lets you lead him there.
Once your inside and the flaps are secured behind you, everything becomes a tangle of limbs and clothes. You both end up kneeling, facing each other, while Arthur lavishes your neck with attention once more.
“Gonna give you whatever you want,” he murmurs between your gasps, “But you gotta be quiet. Can’t have the whole camp hearing.”
You bite your lip, the feeling of his lips on your neck sending a tingling sensation down your spine. Your whole body is alight, and the pressure between your legs is worse than ever before.
“I’m quiet,” you whisper, “More, Arthur more.”
You clench your thighs together, shifting, squirming, trying to relieve some of the pressure. Arthur’s gaze goes straight to it and he groans. “Jesus.”
His hands travel down to your waist, squeezing once before he’s pulling you up with him. He sits on a crate, wedging his leg between both of yours, so your core sits right on his thigh.
“What are you-” you start, and then two strong hands grab your hips and grind you against him. Oh! You move on your own, just to feel the sensation again.
“Atta girl,” he says, going right back to your neck, “Take the lead. Make yourself feel good. S’all right.”
You were feeling more than good. The alcohol had you riding his thigh shamelessly, and each drag against it shot sparks along your nerves and made you clench around nothing.
“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs, “Tell me to stop if you need it. Won’t be mad none.”
“I know,” you reassure him, “I want more. Please.” You grab his face and kiss him again, trying desperately to mimic what he’d done and failing.
“I suppose I’m not a very good kisser,” you say with a breathless laugh.
“You’re perfect.” Arthur doesn’t hesitate. Your eyes meet his and the look on his face is so utterly sincere you want to hold him and kiss him and cry.
“You’re perfect too,” you murmur, and he shakes his head.
“Ain’t you a sweet girl,” he says, lavishing your neck with attention once again, “Tryin’ to make an old cowboy feel better about himself.”
You open your mouth to rebuke him for that nonsense, but he whispers in your ear, “You ever come before?”
“Come where?” You ask, but you can already sense that he’s not talking about arrival in a literal sense.
“You know,” he says, his stubble faintly tickling your neck, “Hit a peak. Felt real good.”
“Things like this have never felt good,” you admit, “Not until you.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know. Ain’t your fault.”
“But you,” you accuse him, “You make me feel all funny. You’ve been doing it for a while. I think—I think you’ve been chopping wood on purpose, to set me off!”
He laughs, but it’s not condescending. “Watching me chop wood sets you off? Poor thing,” he coos, thumbs going in circles around your hips as he pushes you down on his thigh, “What the hell they do to you up in New York, huh?”
“Nothing as fun as this,” you sigh, throwing your head back. Your hands are greedy, greedy, grabbing everything you can touch—the soft cotton of his shirt, the muscles banding his arm, the slightly curled ends of his hair.
“And when you say you feel funny, you mean down here, don’t you?” He emphasizes his words with another push of his thigh, and you whimper.
“You’re alright, girl,” he soothes, “I’ve got you.”
“Yes! Yes, there!” You admit, cheeks blazing from alcohol or embarrassment or something else entirely, “Arthur, the…thing, the peak, what you were talking about in the carriage about enjoying it, even now I still don’t quite believe you!”
“Can I show you?” He leans back from your neck to make eye contact and you nod.
He leans in for another kiss, a real one on the lips, and then to your jaw, and then down, down…his hands rise up from your hips to your waist and then to the buttons on your shirt. He hesitates for half a second, and you huff “Ar-thur!”
You feel more than hear his laugh against you as he mumbles a “Yes ma’am.” For each button that’s opened, he presses a kiss to the newly exposed skin. His touch is intense but almost reverent. The cool air hits your skin with each button freed, and you eagerly pull the sleeves off and discard your shirt in a crumpled heap somewhere.
You’re still in your corset, but it’s also the most bare you’ve been in a long time. Your shoulders are exposed and the tops of your breasts peak out, which Arthur wastes no time lavishing with attention. His hands are warm as they travel around your back to work on the strings of your corset, and the heat of his lips and tongue as they work on your breasts is divine.
“Arthur,” you gasp again, insistent. Couldn’t he hurry?
“I know, sweetheart, I know,” he huffs against your skin, making you shiver, “These damn strings…”
You giggle, and then he laughs too, resting his forehead against your collarbone. You run your hands through his hair, marveling at the softness of it. And then you grab his head and plant a kiss on his forehead, just because you can. He doesn’t hesitate before attacking you with a flurry of pecks and kisses across your forehead, your cheeks, anywhere he can reach. Each press of his lips coaxes out another giggle, and he cups your face and gives you one final one on the lips, before turning you around on his lap so your back is to his chest. He works at your corset again, more successful this time, but you freeze as you catch sight of yourself in a mirror at the other end of the tent. Oh, no. Oh no no no.
“Arthur, I…I had a baby.”
His hands freeze just as they’re about to take the corset off. “I know it. What’s that got to do with anything?” He seems confused.
“Well, I don’t…I don’t look…you ought to turn the lamp off.”
“Why in the hell would I do that?”
“William always said—”
He crushes your lips in a fierce kiss, only pulling back to breathe. “Don’t you talk about him right now.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize neither,” he murmurs, kissing down your neck now. You open your mouth, instinctively about to apologize for apologizing, but a sharp nip stops you. Arthur looks up at you as if he knew, and you close your mouth.
You feel his hands running up and down your bare sides, slipping beneath your corset without letting it fall fully, and you offer your last defense. “I’ve gained weight since I’ve been here,” you whisper, mortified.
Arthur pulls back slightly, looking down at you. “You have,” he says, not sugarcoating it, but instead of disgusted his voice sounds…excited? He runs his hands up and down your sides, “Yeah you have. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.”
To your utter confusion, he’s eyeing your new figure like a dog eyes a steak, his pupils blown wide. You eye him, thinking for a brief moment this is some horrible joke and he’s about the laugh, but the only thing on his face is raw desire. His hands inch up towards your breasts. “This okay?”
There’s an odd note of pleading in his voice, and you nod your assent.
He grunts something that sounds like fuck yes before throwing the corset off and kneading them with a fervor that surprises you. It’s not long before he’s pulled you back you’re facing him again. He starts to kiss and lick his way down, giving your chemise, your final barrier, a light tug upwards, a silent question. You lift your arms up and allow him to pull it over your head, baring your chest to him.
All the air leaves him in a quick exhale as he looks at you. “Now ain’t you just the prettiest thing I ever seen?” he breathes, tracing a hand back up to your now exposed breasts.
You’re still confused. Doesn’t he see the stretch marks on them? Shouldn’t he be putting up a front, politely pretending to not be offended?
He pauses, sensing your hesitation, and looks at you. “You don’t gotta do nothing you don’t wanna.”
“I do, I just…you’re so…enthusiastic.”
“Hell yeah I’m enthusiastic,” he says, before seeing the look on your face and sighing, “Listen, I don’t care about none of the bullshit the people in New York care about. I like you, and I like what I see. Okay?”
I like you, and I like what I see. “Okay,” you whisper back, giving him a tentative smile. He beams back at you in response, pulling your face in with both hands and smattering it with kisses. “C’mon, girl,” he says between his kisses and the giggles they bring on, “What you got to be all shy about, huh? You’re perfect.”
You let the compliment wash over you, relaxing in his arms, and he trails a featherlight finger up your side, inching toward your breast again, “You gonna let me take care of you?”
You give him a shy smile. “Yeah.”
“Yeah?” he repeats, pressing more kisses to you that draw out more giggles, “Yeah?” You nod again, feeling flushed and girlish and silly, and Arthur dives in like a man starved.
He takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks. You moan, running your fingers through his hair once more, pulling him closer. His thigh is still working between your legs, more insistent now, and one of his hands is kneading the breast his mouth isn’t on, circling your nipple in a way that makes the peak harden.
His other is slowly traveling up your leg. He pauses to readjust occasionally, sometimes stroking or massaging your thigh in reassurance, but up it goes. As his hand gets dangerously closer to the apex of your thighs, he releases your breast with a wet pop, looking up at you for silent permission. You part your legs open wider, and he nods, going back to working on your neck.
The first brush of his fingers over your sex is featherlight, almost as if he can’t believe you’re allowing him. You nearly roll your eyes, rocking your hips against him, trying to get some friction. Why did he spend so much time winding you up if he was just going to go slow?
“Alright, alright,” he mumbles, and you can practically hear the smile in his voice. His thumb circles your entrance and then traces your slit, parting your folds as he drags it upwards. Your neck has been abandoned and there’s a slight frown of concentration on his face as he looks down. What is he—
Oh. His thumb finds something that makes your entire body seize.
“Mhm, there we go,” he murmurs, circling it gently. He works you into a rhythm that has heat coiling low in your gut, like a rubber band ready to snap. His thumb gets more insistent as you pant, practically whining and squirming under his ministrations.
“I know, I know,” he soothes, “But you gotta be quiet, remember?”
You bury your face into his shoulder, inhaling the scent of soap and tobacco and something woodsy as you allow his strong body to muffle your cries. There’s something building in you, a strange sort of pressure and ecstasy, and you swear it’s been building for years.
“Atta girl,” he pants as you start to shake around him, “Give it to me.”
“Aaa—aaah!” You muffle your cry into his shoulder as the band snaps and your entire body jerks, waves of pleasure washing over you. It’s so overwhelming you’re not in control of your muscles as you tremble and not in control of your voice as you moan.
“Good girl,” Arthur soothes as you come down from your high. You feel his lips against his forehead as you sag against him, and his soft murmurs telling you you’d done so well, that you were so pretty, that you were so, so good grounded you as you navigated the alien feeling of so much pleasure all at once.
You freeze at the sight of him straining against his jeans. William. The sight of that in his trousers always meant something terrible was about to happen. And it’s Arthur, you know it’s Arthur, the smell of the campfire and the warm gentle glow of the tent are nothing like your sterile room in New York, but your heart seizes all the same.
Arthur follows your gaze and puts a finger under your chin, turning your head so you’re looking into his eyes. “This ain’t about me,” he says softly, “Ain’t gonna make you do nothing. It’ll go away on its own in a few minutes. I ain’t mean to scare you, sweetheart.”
You relax the death grip on his shoulders you hadn’t even realized you’d had, feeling foolish and small. “I’m sorry.”
“Ain’t nothing to apologize for,” he reassures lowly.
“It’s not you,” you have the sudden urge to reassure him, “It’s not…it’s not you.”
“I understand.” Another kiss on your forehead, and then he’s slowly pulling you off his lap, helping you discard the rest of your clothes and pulling a nightgown over you. His jeans are normal again as he steps out, this time not bothering to leave the tent so he can change. You sit on your cot and watch, looking curiously at his bare torso, broad and strong and covered with scars and sunspots.
You would touch it later, when you weren’t so tired, you decided.
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” Arthur says easily, buttoning up his union suit and you blush as you realize you’d voiced your desires out loud.
The two of you end up in a tangle of limbs on one cot, Arthur’s arms tightly around you. You speak a little bit of everything and nothing at all, and that’s how you fall asleep, with your head tucked under his chin and one hand entwined with his.
AN: Guyssss writing smut is so hard for me and I still feel like it’s not that great! but fun fact, according to my research, “clitty” was something people called the clitoris back then, so i have spared you from that. clara is changing but at the end of the day she’s still a wealthy socialite so i enjoyed writing her a bit bratty and insistent, which I’m sure will ramp up the more time passes. and Arthur is such a giver, I feel like he’d be so good in a situation like Clara’s.
taglist (comment to be added): @qwehwa @klaudosh @brazzigy @stickyricewithmangosauce @saturnknows @vespera08 @lilienzoe @cherryheairt @ddearina @itskenziebb @zoopyzip
(taglist should be up to date, if i forgot to add you i’m so sorry and please leave another comment!!)
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genre: Fluffy, angsty, and if you squint hard enough a sprinkle of smut
tags: emotional themes (grief, abandonment, burnout) slow burn, so much praise, insecurities and self-worth issues, emotional intimacy, single dad au, strangers to lovers
summary: he moves into the house across from yours in the quiet cul-de-sac and you don’t think much of it at first. Just a new neighbor, that’s all. You don’t know much about him, only that he works on cars in his garage, mows his lawn shirtless like he’s trying to be a problem on purpose, and always looks a little too tired. Should be easy to ignore. Right?
𐙚
Part One
summary: A quiet cul-de-sac, a man who keeps to his garage, and a life that looks sealed off from the outside. Until a little girl opens the door you didn’t know was there. What starts as curiosity turns into small everyday crossings of distance, where tired hands, shared meals, and soft routines begin to blur the line between neighbor and something more.
preview:
Three days later, Chan learned two very important things.
One: His daughter had somehow become emotionally attached to you at alarming speed.
And two: You were apparently immune to embarrassment.
“Dad,” the toddler whispered loudly from the shopping cart seat, “there she is.”
He looked up immediately and spotted you near the produce section, dressed in soft shorts and an oversized shirt while carefully inspecting mangos like your life depended on it.
He barely had time to fully think and react before his daughter started waving both arms aggressively from the cart.
“HI!”
𐙚
Part Two
summary: You didn’t mean to become part of their routine.But somewhere between late dinners, early mornings, and a child who loves loudly without hesitation, the line between helping and staying starts to disappear quietly, without permission.
preview:
For once, Chan didn’t immediately have a response, he just looked at you, like he was trying to decide what to do with that.
His gaze dropped briefly, towards your mouth, then back up. A tiny movement of course, something that was easy to miss.
But for you, impossible to ignore.
Your breath caught, and so did his.
And suddenly the space in between you felt very little, very quiet.
𐙚
Part Three
summary: By Friday, what was meant to be a simple one-on-one outing starts to feel like something neither of you can easily label. The evening unfolds through small, shifting moments that blur the line between casual conversation and growing connection, leaving both of you more aware of each other than you intended.
preview:
And when the crowd shifted again, neither of you drifted apart until the music began to wind down and the crowds started to thin.
You followed the rest of the stragglers toward the exit, watching them as you went.
A couple holding hands.
A man trying to negotiate with a vendor before closing.
A group of friends going into the photobooth.
Right. Photos.
You stopped walking and Chan quickly followed suit.
“What?”
You smiled mischievously, “We forgot to take pictures.”
He stiffened up, “No.”
or: you don't believe that spiderman is real. who would believe that a masked vigilante just popped out of nowhere, started shooting webs and swinging through Seoul saving people, in spandex?? and most of all, you wouldn't believe that said "spiderman" would have any correlation with han jisung, that's just a load of nonsense!
in other words..: look, in jisung's defense, he didnt mean to get bit by a genetically modified spider. but he did, so now he's stuck with the superhuman side effects, a superhero persona, and his roommates constantly covering for him. and hey, he doesn't mind a sprinkle of chaos into his life. he's actually glad he got this alter ego, a version of himself that does good for other people, y'know...saving the city, and one that he can maybe impress you with, since his original self is stuck being your academic rival that you can't stand even if you were paid.
warnings: academicrival!jisung x reader, college au, nerdsung + nerd!reader, slowburn, eventual smut (not in this chapter), 3racha as roommates, Yunjin as your bsf and roommate, references from multiple spiderman movies, innuendos, profanity, college slop, caffeine slop, group project slop, party slop, talks of biotech and robotics that are probably false (research was poorly done), some action scenes, some injuries and blood loss (not in this chapter), reader is an academic weapon and doesn't catch a break, cameos of other members, crack, fluff, banter, no angst at all because Im sensitive, probably a heck ton of typos.
wc: 14k | part ll
98%.
The number glared up at you from the paper.
it's a good grade, objectively a great one. but there had to be a mistake - you’d stayed up three nights straight reviewing every possible permutation of the material. Your notes had been immaculate. You’d even rewritten them twice just to be sure.
Behind you, someone cleared their throat. you braced yourself for whatever annoying thing Jisung was about to say.
"Oof," Jisung said, leaning over your shoulder. "Ninety eight? I mean, close enough."
His own test fluttered into your peripheral vision, 100%. Of course.
"Better luck next time," he added. His voice was light, teasing - a tone he’d used since freshman year whenever he edged you out by fractions of a point.
You exhaled through your nose, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, you shoved your test into your bag, zipping it shut.
Jisung didn’t take the hint. He never did. He propped his hip against your desk, grinning as he watched you pack up.
"Don’t worry," Jisung continued, "I’ll let you copy my notes next time."
You finally looked up at him - his stupidly perfect face, his stupidly smug grin, stupidly big framed glasses.
"Like hell I’d copy your chicken scratch," you muttered, shoving your chair back harder than necessary. making its legs screech against the floor.
Jisung’s grin widened. "y'know, if you actually got enough sleep instead of staying up all night-"
You stood up and stomped on his foot, hard.
He yelped, hopping backward with exaggerated agony. "Ow! What was that for?"
You didn’t dignify him with an answer. You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked off without a backward glance.
Behind you, Jisung’s dramatic whining faded into the background noise of the lecture hall, punctuated by a burst of laughter from somewhere near the exit. You didn’t need to look to know it was Changbin, doubled over with amusement while Chan stood beside him, hand resting on the strap of his bag, waiting patiently.
The three of them had been inseparable since their second year of high school, when Chan, already broad shouldered and responsible beyond his years, had stepped between a scrawny, loudmouthed Jisung who'd just learned curse words and a group of seniors looking for an easy target.
Changbin, who’d been watching the confrontation from a nearby bench, had tossed a water bottle at the ringleader’s head mid threat. The resulting chaos had somehow ended with all three of them in detention, and that was where their friendship formed.
By graduation, the three of them had already cemented their fate - Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were a package deal, an inseparable trio that had somehow survived four years of high school without murdering each other.
So when university acceptance letters rolled in, the decision was already made, they’d stick together, signing a lease for a cramped apartment near campus before the ink on their diplomas had even dried.
And then there was you.
Orientation week had been the beginning of it all, though you hadn’t realized it at the time.
You hadn’t noticed Jisung at first during orientation. Not really. He’d been just another face in the crowd, another overeager freshman with bad posture and a laugh too loud.
as for him though, he had a stupid, undeniable crush on you.
he tried to talk to you, you’d been too busy rearranging your schedule to register his existence - some mumbled joke about the professor’s hair that you’d brushed off with a polite smile before walking away.
Another time, still during orientation, he’d lingered near your seat after the icebreaker games, hovering like he expected you to acknowledge him. You hadn’t.
What had caught your attention was the first exam. You’d walked out of that lecture hall certain you’d aced it, only to find your name one spot below his on the results board.
he'd realized then that you're probably a perfectionist, and that you did not like being in second place. you never were in second place, ever since high school.
he became your competition from then.
Jisung noticed the shift immediately. He could’ve backed off. He didn’t. Instead, he leaned into it.
It wasn’t that he wanted you to hate him. He just wanted you to look at him.
Don't get him wrong, he did try to befriend you, but when that ended in inevitable failure, he opted for his last option, the one thing guaranteed to make you react, relentless, obnoxious teasing. If you couldn’t stand him, at least you’d notice him.
It worked better than he’d expected.
three years later, and Han Jisung was still the single most irritating person you'd ever met.
~
The sound of the apartment door jolted Jisung awake. He blinked at the ceiling, groggy and disoriented, sunlight already painting stripes across his unmade bed.
His phone lay facedown on the floor where he’d tossed it last night. He fumbled for it, thumb smearing against the screen as he squinted at the time, 9:47 AM.
"Shit."
Jisung groaned, rubbing his face with both hands as the pieces clicked together - his snoozed alarm, the muffled knocking he'd sleepily batted away earlier, Chan had tried. Chan had definitely tried to wake him up.
Jisung rolled out of bed, scrambling upright, one hand already tugging his hoodie over his head while the other fumbled for his backpack.
He was not gonna be that late if he decided to take a short cut. And so he did.
Cutting through the science building was a gamble, technically off limits to non majors before noon, but Jisung had long since memorized the janitor’s schedule.
He ducked under a half raised security gate, sidestepping a cart of lab equipment as he beelined for the west exit. His footsteps echoed too loudly in the empty hallway, but he didn’t slow down - not until a sharp clang from an adjacent lab made him skid to a halt.
Jisung turned his head just in time to see a door marked 'BIOTECH RESEARCH - AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY' swing shut, the tail end of a lab coat disappearing behind it.
He hesitated for half a second, before the distant chime of the campus clock tower rang. He was so late.
Jisung shouldn’t have been there.
The lock mechanism whirred as he hovered near the entrance, the distant hum of machinery inside prickling at his ears. Curiosity had always been his fatal flaw.
He glanced over his shoulder. The hallway was empty.
The door hissed open with a nudge of his shoulder, just wide enough for him to slip through. The lab was a maze of steel tables and humming equipment, bathed in the sterile glow of overhead LEDs.
Glass tanks lined the far wall, their murky contents swirling with movement - something skittered behind the frosted glass, too fast to track. spiders.
"Cool," he muttered, stepping further inside.
Jisung's fingers hovered over the nearest microscope, its lens gleaming under the lab lights. The surface was cool to the touch. Before he could explore more, a sharp click from the far end of the room froze him mid reach. His breath hitched. The sound wasn't mechanical. It was footsteps.
He ducked behind a lab bench, his knee connecting painfully with a drawer handle. He bit his tongue to keep from swearing.
Through the gap between two beakers, he could just make out the silhouette of a researcher - tall, white coated, absorbed in a clipboard. The man moved methodically down the row of specimens, pausing occasionally to adjust dials or scribble notes.
When the researcher turned toward a computer terminal, Jisung seized his chance. He crab walked backward, keeping low, until his shoulder bumped into something decidedly not a lab table. it was one of the glass tanks from earlier.
The container wobbled. He lunged to steady the glass before it could shatter and give away his presence that was not allowed in this lab, but his palm slipped against the condensation slick surface. The lid shifted with a silent clink.
A spider the size of a quarter dropped onto his wrist.
Jisung's entire body locked up. The spider's legs were needle thin, its body an unnatural shade of iridescent blue that shimmered under the lab lights.
For a suspended second, neither of them moved - Jisung paralyzed by instinctive revulsion, the spider crouched like a coiled spring. Then it bit him.
The pain was sharp and sudden, Jisung clamped his free hand over his mouth to smother the yelp threatening to escape. The researcher's footsteps paused.
"Who's there?"
Jisung froze. His wrist burned where the spider's fangs had pierced his skin, the pain radiating up his arm in slow, crawling waves.
The spider twitched between his fingers, its iridescent body pulsing unnaturally as he pinched it. For a split second, he considered tossing it aside - but the memory of its bite made his stomach twist.
Without thinking, he squished it between his finger, killing it.
Jisung grimaced, wiping his hand against his pants as the researcher's footsteps grew louder. He ducked lower behind the lab bench. A clipboard clattered onto the table above him, followed by the metallic click of a pen. The researcher muttered something under his breath - numbers, maybe, or measurements - before his shoes squeaked against the floor, turning away.
Jisung exhaled silently through his nose. His wrist throbbed. The bite mark was already red, the skin around it blotchy and hot to the touch. He flexed his fingers experimentally, half expecting his hand to lock up, but aside from the sting, nothing seemed immediately wrong.
The researcher's footsteps faded toward the far end of the lab. Jisung waited ten seconds before risking a glance over the edge of the bench. The man's back was turned, his attention fixed on a row of specimen jars. Jisung didn't wait. He walked backward until his shoulders hit the wall, then slid along it toward the door, keeping low.
The door clicked open just enough for him to slip through. He didn't look back.
The hallway was still empty. Jisung broke into a sprint, rounding the corner just as the lab door groaned shut behind him.
By the time he burst through the science building's side exit, the pain in his wrist had dulled to a steady ache. The sunlight hit his face, momentarily blinding him. He blinked, disoriented, before his phone buzzed violently in his pocket.
Changbin's name flashed across the screen.
Jisung fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it as Changbin's second call lit up the screen. He swiped to answer just as a cyclist swerved around him, yelling something unflattering about his lack of spatial awareness.
"Where the hell are you?" Changbin's voice crackled through the speaker.
He rolled his wrist experimentally, half expecting a jolt of pain, but only a dull ache remained. strange, but not alarming enough to mention.
"Chill, I'm literally two minutes away," Jisung huffed into the phone, sidestepping a group of freshmen clustered around a campus map.
Jisung skidded to a halt outside the lecture hall, his sneakers squeaking against the polished floor as he yanked the door open. Twenty pairs of eyes swiveled toward him - including yours, narrowed with undisguised irritation from the front row.
The professor paused mid sentence, her laser pointer flickering against the projection screen.
"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Han," she said dryly.
Jisung flashed her a grin "Traffic was brutal."
The professor arched an eyebrow. "You live on campus."
"Exactly."
Jisung collapsed into the empty seat next to you with a sigh. Conveniently, there were no other free seats.
The professor resumed her lecture, but Jisung wasn't listening. His fingers drummed restlessly against the desk, his knee bouncing so fast it blurred. You gritted your teeth.
"Would you stop?" you hissed under your breath, jabbing your pen toward his twitching leg.
Jisung blinked at you like he'd forgotten you were there. "Stop what?"
"That." You gestured pointedly at his knee, "You're shaking the entire row."
He glanced down, as if surprised by his own body. "Huh."
Jisung blinked again, his fingers stilling mid tap against the desk. "Oh. Sorry."
He stopped. His knee went still. His fingers curled into a loose fist against the desk. Even his breathing seemed to slow, like he was consciously holding himself in check.
The professor's lecture droned on, but you couldn't focus. Your peripheral vision kept catching on Jisung's unnaturally still form.
Then he sneezed.
The sound was sharp, explosive, and entirely too loud for the lecture hall. Half the class jumped. The professor paused mid sentence, her laser pointer flickering off the screen. Jisung sniffled, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.
"Bless you," you muttered automatically.
Jisung turned his head so fast you heard his neck crack. "Thanks," he whispered back. His voice was hoarse, like he'd been yelling earlier - though you couldn't remember hearing him speak at all today.
The strangeness of it prickled at your neck. Jisung didn't whisper. He didn't apologize. And he certainly didn't stop fidgeting for twenty straight minutes.
weird
~
after lectures, you were supposed to be studying.
Keyword: supposed.
Currently, your textbook lay abandoned as Yunjin scrolled through her phone, legs kicked up onto the library table in direct violation of at least three campus rules.
"I swear to god," she muttered, stabbing her screen, "if Professor Kang assigns one more reading—" she cut herself off with a sigh.
"I'll drop out," Yunjin announced, tossing her phone onto the table. "I'll move to a remote island. Raise goats. Never think about electron configurations again."
You snorted, flipping a page in your textbook without absorbing a single word. "You'd cry over the first goat that liked someone else better."
"Excuse you, I'm extremely likable-" Yunjin's protest cut off mid-sentence as she caught you glancing sideways for the third time in five minutes.
"Ohhhh. That's why you're failing to absorb basic chemistry. Distracted by your archnemesis over there."
You stiffened. "I don't know what you're—"
"Han Jisung," Yunjin sing songed, nodding toward the table where Jisung was slumped over a pile of notebooks, dead asleep.
His cheek was pressed against an open textbook, one arm dangling off the edge of the table, the side of his wrist adorned with what looked like a nasty bruise. A thin line of drool connected his mouth to a page. "You were staring at that."
"I was not staring," you hissed, slamming your textbook shut . Several students at nearby tables startled. Jisung didn't even twitch. "I was just—"
"Admiring his scholarly dedication?" Yunjin smirked, kicking her feet down from the table. "Or maybe his impressive drool radius?"
"I was wondering how someone who sleeps through every lecture still manages to ace every exam."
As if on cue, Jisung shifted in his sleep, his dangling arm swinging. he nearly toppled him sideways out of his chair. Your body reacted before your brain could stop it, half standing, hand outstretched - only to freeze when he somehow righted himself without waking.
Yunjin's eyebrows shot up. "Wow."
"Wow what?" You dropped back into your seat, face burning.
"Nothing," she said, stretching the word into three syllables. "Just never realized you cared so much about Jisung's spinal health."
"I just didn't want to witness a concussion in the library."
Yunjin grinned, kicking you lightly under the table. "Uh huh. Sure. That's definitely why you looked ready to dive across three tables like a superhero." She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. "You secretly like him."
You choked on air. "Like him? Are you insane? He's—" You gestured wildly toward Jisung's sleeping form. "—that. That's what he is. A menace. A sleeping menace."
"Aw, but look how peaceful he is," Yunjin cooed, feigning innocence. "Like a little angel."
At that exact moment, Jisung snorted loudly in his sleep, mumbled something unintelligible, and promptly face planted directly onto his textbook. You winced. Yunjin burst out laughing.
He lifted his head blearily, blinked at the drool smeared page stuck to his cheek, then promptly slumped back down without a single coherent thought behind his eyes.
Yunjin wiped tears from her cheeks, still giggling. "Oh my god. He's adorable."
"You're delusional," you muttered, shoving your notebook into your backpack. The zipper caught on a loose page, and you yanked it free with a frustrated huff. "Let's get lunch before I have to listen to any more of this."
Yunjin’s eyes lit up suddenly, "Oh! Right," she said, snapping her fingers as you shoved the last of your notebooks into your bag. "You’re coming with me to that party tonight."
You blinked. "What party?"
"The one hyunjin’s throwing at his apartment," she said, as if this were obvious. "The one I told you about last week."
"You absolutely did not."
She waved a hand dismissively. "Semantics. Anyway, after lunch, we’re going back to our dorm so you can try on at least three outfits before I approve one."
You groaned, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. "No way. I have actual responsibilities."
Yunjin stood, shoving her phone into her pocket "Nope. You’ve been holed up in the library for weeks. You’re coming, and you’re going to socialize, and you’re going to like it." She paused, then added with a smirk, "Unless you’d rather stay here and stare at Jisung some more."
You nearly tripped over your own feet. "What? I wasn’t—"
"Uh huh." She linked her arm through yours, steering you toward the library exit "lunch first, outfits second, party third. No arguments."
You dug your heels in halfway to the door. "What if I want to argue? - who the hell even hosts a party on a school night-"
Yunjin sighed dramatically, turning to face you with a look of exaggerated pity. "Sweet, naive, delusional you. When have your arguments ever worked on me?"
"...Never."
"Exactly." She patted your cheek. "Now move. I’m starving."
You did end up going according to Yunjin’s plans - not that you had a choice, given she’d physically dragged you out of the library, then out of your dorm.
to top it all off, you had to wait for her because if you didn't, there'd be no one to take her drunk ass home, and you'd end up finding her in a ditch somewhere next morning.
so you had to wait till the asscrack of the night to take her home because no matter how un enjoyable a party is, you were not a bad friend.
and you were gonna be so late tomorrow.
~
The blaring alarm tore Jisung from his sleep this time. He gasped awake, limbs tangled in sheets that felt suspiciously sticky - had he spilled something last night? His hand shot out blindly toward the nightstand, fingers slapping against anything but his phone.
The alarm continued shrieking. Jisung groaned, pawing at the edge of his nightstand until his fingertips brushed warm metal. He grabbed his phone and hit the screen repeatedly-
The screen cracked under Jisung's fingers with a pop when he swiped to turn off the alarm. not a full shatter, but a spiderweb of fractures radiating from his thumbprint.
He blinked at it, sleep fogged brain struggling to process why his phone screen suddenly broke just from a few taps of his finger.
The display still functioned beneath the damage, the time, 8:15AM, visible through the splintered glass. Jisung flexed his fingers. He hadn't pushed that hard. Had he?
Jisung frowned, pushing himself up onto his elbows. The cracked phone screen wasn't the only thing that felt off, his head throbbed like he'd pulled an all nighter.
He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, fingers fumbling with the frames in his haste.
The moment he slid them on, the world tilted.
Everything blurred into a nauseating smear of colors and shapes - like someone had smeared Vaseline across his lenses.
Jisung ripped the glasses off his face. The world snapped into focus, he could see perfectly without his glasses. He blinked rapidly. His vision hadn't been this clear since elementary school.
"What the fuck," he whispered, turning his hands over in front of his face. The calluses on his fingertips stood out in stark relief, the whorls of his fingerprints unnervingly detailed.
He rubbed his eyes hard till he saw colors and shapes behind his eyelids, but when he opened them again, his dorm room remained horrifically, impossibly sharp.
Jisung exhaled slowly through his nose and tossed the glasses onto the nightstand - they landed with a clatter, one temple arm snapping off completely.
His wrist itched. The bite mark from yesterday was gone.
Jisung rolled out of bed, his feet hitting the floor with an audible thud that made the loose change on his nightstand rattle.
He stretched, arms arching high above his head - and froze mid yawn when he heard the distinctive rrrip of fabric.
His sleep addled brain registered two things at once, the sudden draft across his shoulders, and the fact that his favorite hoodie, the one he’d slept in last night, now had a gaping tear along the seam.
He blinked down at himself. The fabric clung to his torso in ways it never had before, stretched taut across shoulders that suddenly looked broader. His biceps pressed against the sleeves, the cuffs riding up his wrist like they’d shrunk in the wash.
Jisung frowned and tugged at the hem. It didn’t budge.
his full length mirror confirmed it. His reflection stared back at him - same messy hair, same sleep creased cheek, but it was like he hit a second puberty overnight.
The hoodie that used to hang loose now hugged every contour of his torso, the fabric straining across his chest when he inhaled.
he took his hoodie off - since when did he have abs?? he was met with whole six pack. he even counted them.
he prodded at his own bicep experimentally, half expecting it, I don't know, deflate? It didn’t.
The bedroom door creaked open - Chan appearing at the doorway, "I swear to god, if you're still asleep-" His threat died halfway out of his mouth when he saw Jisung.
Jisung stood frozen in front of the mirror, shirtless and wide eyed, one hand still gripping the torn remains of his hoodie. The morning light caught the sharp new definition of his shoulders, the lean muscle coiled along his arms like he'd spent the last six months living in a gym.
"...Did you steal Changbin's protein shakes?"
Jisung whipped around "What? No! I just-" His voice cracked. He cleared his throat. "I woke up like this."
Chan stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind him with his heel. His gaze flickered over Jisung's torso - the previously soft lines of his stomach now taut, the faint shadows of ribs replaced by something decidedly more athletic.
Chan reached out and poked Jisung's bicep with two fingers. It felt like pressing against granite.
"Ow," Jisung lied automatically, then blinked. "Wait. That didn't actually hurt."
Chan's eyebrows raised. "You're telling me you went to bed and woke up as-" He gestured vaguely at Jisung's entire existence. "-whatever this is?"
A beat of silence. Then, from the hallway, "If you two are having a moment, I'm throwing myself off the window." Changbin's voice, muffled through the door.
Chan ignored him. "Did you take something? Experimental pre workout? Sketchy supplements from the gym bros?"
Jisung's fingers twitched toward his wrist - where the spider bite had been. The skin was smooth. "I might have... broken into the biotech lab yesterday."
Chan's expression grew even more confused. "okay...?"
The bedroom door slammed open before Jisung could answer. Changbin stood in the threshold, mouth already open to ask why the hell they were whispering with the door closed - then his eyes landed on Jisung’s bare torso. His eyebrows shot up. "Woah. What happened to you?"
Jisung threw his hands in the air, "I know! I woke up like - okay listen," he took a deep breath,
"yesterday I was late, like super late, so I took a shortcut through the science building even though I’m technically banned from the biotech wing after the centrifuge incident—"
Changbin mouthed 'centrifuge incident?' at Chan, who pinched the bridge of his nose.
"-and then I heard this noise from the restricted lab, right? So obviously I had to check it out-"
"You didn’t have to," Chan groaned.
"and there was this spider, this huge freaky blue one, in a tank that I maybe knocked over-"
"You knocked over-"
"-and it bit me! Right here!" Jisung brandished his unmarked wrist, "It hurt like hell yesterday but now it’s gone and suddenly I can see everything without my glasses and I just ripped my favorite hoodie like it was tissue paper-" He demonstrated by grabbing the hem of his remaining sleeve and tugging. The fabric split with a sound like tearing paper.
Changbin's mouth dropped open. Chan's blinked in disbelief.
"Okay," Chan said very slowly, "So you're telling me a genetically modified spider bit you, and now you're..." He gestured vaguely at Jisung's new physique. "This?"
Jisung flexed his arms experimentally. His biceps jumped under his skin "I mean, when you say it like that-"
Changbin suddenly lunged forward and punched Jisung square in the stomach - or tried to. His fist connected with what felt like solid concrete instead of soft flesh.
Jisung didn't even flinch. Changbin yelped, shaking out his hand. "Holy shit, dude. That's not normal."
Jisung looked down at his own abdomen, prodding the spot Changbin had hit. "Didn't feel anything." His voice went unnervingly quiet. "Should I be freaking out?"
Chan grabbed Jisung's shoulders - or attempted to, before his fingers slipped off the unexpected slope of muscle. "You shouldn't be able to bench press a car after one spider bite!"
"Technically I haven't tried that yet-"
The alarm on Jisung’s shattered phone blared again, 8:45AM, and Chan visibly flinched. “Shit. Class starts in fifteen.”
Changbin was already halfway out the door, yelling over his shoulder, “I’m not getting marked absent because you two want to dissect Jisung’s sudden glow up!”
Chan walked out of Jisung's room too, coming back after a moment,
"Here," Chan grunted, tossing a black hoodie at Jisung's face. It smelled faintly of fabric softener and Chan's inexplicably expensive cologne. "It's the biggest one I've got. Don't pop the seams."
~
Jisung reached campus a full minute before Chan and Changbin, his sneakers skidding to a halt outside the lecture hall with unnatural ease.
His lungs barely burned, just a pleasant warmth where there should have been heaving breaths.
He turned, bouncing on his toes while waiting for his roommates to catch up, when a sudden prickle raced down his spine. His scalp tingled.
Something was about to happen.
The prickle exploded into full body alarm a half second before the weight hit him.
Jisung spun without thinking - his hands snapping up just as you tripped. His palm connected with your shoulder an instant before you would have face planted into his chest.
The force should have sent both of you crashing to the ground, but Jisung didn’t budge an inch - just absorbed the impact like you weighed nothing.
Your coffee wasn’t so lucky, The cup slipped from your grip. Jisung’s free hand shot out, snatching it mere inches from the ground. Hot liquid sloshed against the inside of the lid but didn’t spill. He held it there, frozen, your shoulder still cradled in his other hand, both of you staring at each other in stunned silence.
Up close, you could see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes - something you’d never noticed before.
“You-” you started.
“I-” he interrupted at the same time.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Uh. You okay?”
“Yeah,” you said, too quickly. His hands were still there.
Jisung blinked like he’d just remembered they were attached to him, then jerked them away. The coffee wobbled dangerously in his grip. You grabbed it before it could spill .
“Late too?” he asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of Chan’s hoodie.
You nodded, adjusting your bag strap. “Yeah.”
You stared at him for a second too long, suddenly noticing how the hoodie strained across his shoulders - when had Han Jisung gotten broad? The absence of his usual thick framed glasses left his face strangely exposed, his cheekbones and dark lashes more pronounced than you remembered.
"Thanks," you muttered, brushing nonexistent lint off your sweater where his hands had been.
After a beat, you added, "Good reflexes," because it was true and you hated leaving truths unsaid, even for him.
Jisung blinked at you, momentarily stunned by the compliment - his mouth opened, closed, then opened again. A faint pink spread across his cheeks, "Uh," he managed. His fingers twitched toward his face, a habitual gesture to push up glasses that weren't there, before aborting the motion halfway.
"Uh, thanks," Jisung managed after an awkward pause, He cleared his throat "I mean - you're welcome. Obviously. Because I saved your life."
"You caught my coffee," you corrected flatly, lifting the cup slightly as evidence.
His grin returned, familiar. "Same difference." He rocked back on his heels, "You would've face planted on the pavement if I hadn't intervened. Tragic, really."
"I take it back. Never complimenting you again."
before he could retort, Changbin's voice cut through the courtyard "If you two are done flirting, we're gonna be late!" He stood at the lecture hall doors with Chan, who was rubbing his temples like he'd aged ten years in the past hour.
Jisung whipped around so fast his sneakers squeaked against the pavement. "We're not-!"
You walked past him before he could finish the sentence, shoulders brushing hard against his as you passed.
~
Jisung didn't plan to become a hero - it just sort of happened at 1:37 AM outside a convenience store three nights after The Bite.
He'd been pacing his dorm room, fingers twitching with pent up energy, when Chan threw a couch cushion his head and told him to "go climb a building or something, Jesus Christ."
So he did. Sort of. Mostly he just jumped fire escapes until his thighs burned and his lungs finally felt normal again, which is how he ended up perched on a rusty AC unit overlooking the 24 hour convenience store when the guy in the ski mask walked in waving a gun.
The gun glinted under the lights of the convenience store, its barrel wavering between the cashier and the racks of snacks. Jisung's body moved before his brain caught up, one second he was crouched on the AC unit, the next he was dropping through the open window like a damn action hero.
His sneakers hit the floor with barely a sound, knees bending to absorb the impact that should've shattered his ankles. The robber whirled around, gun swinging wildly. Time slowed. Jisung saw the trigger finger tense, saw the cashier duck behind the counter.
He lunged.
What happened next was equal parts luck and whatever the hell that spider had pumped into his veins. His palm smacked the gun sideways just as it discharged - the bullet embedding itself in a display of energy drinks with a sickening thunk.
Jisung's other hand grabbed the guy's wrist, twisting until the gun clattered to the floor. The would be robber screamed. Not from pain, Jisung realized, but from the sight of his own fingers bending the wrong way under Jisung's grip. He let go like he'd been burned. The guy bolted, leaving his ski mask behind in Jisung's fist.
Silence.
Jisung didn’t realize he was holding his breath until the cashier wheezed out a shaky "Holy shit." The gun lied abandoned on the floor between them, still warm from the misfired shot.
Jisung stared at it, then at his own hands - his bare hands, no gloves, no mask, just his stupidly recognizable face that was probably caught on camera. His stomach dropped.
Chan was going to murder him.
The cashier - a guy his age with a nametag reading 'jeongin' - slowly straightened from behind the counter, eyes darting between Jisung and the discarded ski mask. "...Are you gonna rob me too?"
"What? No!" Jisung’s voice cracked. He kicked the gun farther away for emphasis. "I just-" He gestured vaguely at the empty space where the robber had been. "-stopped that guy. Obviously."
The ski mask stared up at Jisung from the convenience store floor. He scooped it up, fingers brushing the rough knit fabric, still warm from the robber's panicked sweat.
The cashier was already dialing the police with shaking hands, but Jisung's feet were moving before his brain caught up. He bolted out the door like he was the criminal, the stolen mask crumpled in his fist.
His knees nearly buckled when he hit the pavement - the sudden realization that he'd just stopped an armed robbery barefaced hit him.
Jisung sprinted down three alleys and ducked behind a dumpster just as police sirens wailed past the mouth of the alley. His heart hammered against his ribs, not from fear, but from something far worse. exhilaration.
He lifted the ski mask toward his face, hesitating for just a second before remembering its previous owner had been sweating bullets into the fabric.
He tentatively sniffed it - then recoiled so hard his head smacked against the dumpster behind him.
"Yuck," a stench clung to it, absolutely not.
He sprinted home in record time, sneakers barely touching the pavement. His enhanced legs carried him up the fire escape in three leaps. The window to their apartment's living room was still cracked open from his earlier escape, curtains fluttering in the night breeze. Jisung slid inside, falling right onto his ass.
"Ow," Changbin deadpanned from his bed, not looking up from his phone.
Jisung scrambled upright, ski mask still clutched in one hand. His gaze flicked from Jisung's disheveled hair to the crumpled mask.
Chan’s eyebrow twitched. “So. You robbed a robber.”
Jisung flapped the ski mask like a surrender flag. “No! I disarmed a robber. Then maybe borrowed his mask. Temporarily.”
Changbin snorted "And you didn’t think to cover your face before playing hero?"
this rooted a bad, bad idea into jisungs head.
he spent the next morning hunched over Chan’s laptop, scrolling through fabric stores frantically. His fingers drummed against the keyboard, pausing only to zoom in on a breathable material that promised "enhanced mobility" and "sweat wicking technology."
The description sounded like something straight out of a superhero movie - which, he supposed, was exactly what he needed now.
Chan watched from the doorway, arms crossed. "You realize this is insane, right?"
Jisung didn’t look up. "Less insane than stopping another robbery barefaced."
his first attempt at making a suit for his superhero persona was a disaster.
Jisung had underestimated the complexity of sewing stretch fabric, resulting in a lopsided mess of seams that bunched uncomfortably around his shoulders.
The second attempt fared slightly better - until he tested its durability by scaling the dorm’s exterior wall, only for the pants to split straight down the middle mid climb.
soon enough, Chan saw jisung's genuine dedication, and had taken pity on him. they spent late nights hunched over fabric scraps, Chan’s steady hands guiding the sewing machine - that chan bought from is own money earned from DJ gigs, mind you - while Jisung sketched designs in the margins of his notebooks.
The final prototype emerged from their shared efforts, a sleek red and blue suit with reinforced stitching and breathable mesh panels. The mask took another three attempts before achieving the perfect fit, complete with oversized white lenses that concealed his identity while enhancing his already unnaturally sharp vision.
Jisung examined himself in the dorm’s full length mirror for the first time, twisting to check the fit. The suit hugged his new musculature without restricting movement, the fabric stretching effortlessly as he flexed. He rolled his shoulders experimentally - it was the most comfortable model so far.
Changbin tossed an empty soda can at Jisung’s head from across the room. Jisung caught it without looking, reflexes kicking in. The can crumpled further in his grip.
"Show off," Changbin muttered.
The mask was the final piece. Jisung hesitated before pulling it on, fingertips brushing the blank white lenses. Once these went on, it'd be an official embodiment of... whatever this was.
The fabric settled over his face. His breathing echoed strangely in the enclosed space, but his vision remained clear. He blinked, adjusting to the surreal sensation of seeing more while being seen less.
Chan exhaled sharply. "Well. That's... a look."
Jisung twisted to examine his reflection in the mirror. The suit clung to his new physique like a second skin, the red and blue panels accentuating rather than hiding the slope of his shoulders. with a spider logo stitched across the center of his chest.
"So. What now?" chan cleared his throat.
Jisung exhaled through the mask, watching the fabric flutter slightly with his breath. "Now I test it."
His fingers found purchase on the brickwork without thought, his body moving with an instinct he shouldn't possess. He scaled the dormitory wall in seconds. Below, Seoul sprawled in a grid of neon and shadow, its pulse thrumming through the pavement under his palms.
He jumped.
The world tilted. His stomach lurched from the sheer impossibility of what his body was doing. He arced over the alleyway, arms outstretched, fingertips brushing the opposite fire escape before his feet even registered the landing.
The impact should have shattered his knees. Instead, he rolled smoothly onto the grated metal platform, his pulse steady in his ears.
That was when he heard a scream.
It cut through the ambient city noise . Jisung's head snapped toward the sound. Four blocks northeast. A woman's scream. fear, urgent terror in her voice.
He moved.
His body propelled him forward before conscious thought could interfere. The city blurred around him as he swung from ledges, his shot web lines that shouldn't have held his weight. Yet they did.
The polymer strands stretched taut as he launched himself between buildings, and landed on the third story balcony of a love hotel just as the scene unfolded below, a man dragging a woman toward a waiting car, her heels scraping against pavement as she fought.
Jisung didn't think, he immediately droped down, landing between the assailant and the car with a thud. The man recoiled, dragging the woman tighter against him as a human shield. Up close, Jisung could see the knife glinting in his free hand, the woman's smudged mascara.
"Back off!" the man snarled, blade pressing into her side.
Jisung's hands came up instinctively, palms out. The woman's wide eyes locked onto his mask. "You're-" she gasped.
Then everything happened at once. The man lunged, knife flashing. Jisung's body moved - his hand shot out, catching the blade mid air. Metal screeched against reinforced fabric, but didn't pierce.
The man's eyes widened comically as Jisung twisted his wrist, sending the knife clattering to the ground.
The knife skittered across the pavement. Jisung didn’t wait for the guy to process what had just happened, he pivoted on his heel, using his own momentum to yank the woman free in one motion.
She stumbled forward, gasping, but Jisung was already stepping between them, his body angled to shield her completely.
“Run,” he said. The word came out muffled and distorted through the mask, more like a growl than actual speech. The woman didn’t need to be told twice. She bolted, heels clicking against the sidewalk as she disappeared around the corner.
The would be attacker stared at Jisung, then at his own empty hand, then back at Jisung. “What the hell are you?”
Jisung's breath hitched behind the mask - What was he? A broke college student who'd bitten off more than he could chew. A walking science experiment. Definitely not someone who should be standing between an armed assailant and certain doom at 3 AM on a Tuesday.
"Uh," he managed, voice cracking through the fabric. "spiderman?"
The man lunged. Jisung sidestepped on instinct, the guy's momentum carried him straight into a dumpster with a metallic clang that echoed down the alley. Jisung winced. That had to hurt.
Police sirens wailed in the distance, close enough to spook the would be kidnapper, who scrambled upright and bolted in the opposite direction.
Jisung let him go. Chasing him down would mean explaining why he was dressed like a rejected Power Ranger, and frankly, he'd already pushed his luck far enough for one night.
Jisung crouched on the rooftop ledge, peeling off the mask with a wet shluck sound - the fabric sticking stubbornly to his sweaty forehead.
Below, the woman he'd rescued was giving a statement to the police, gesturing wildly toward the rooftops. He ducked back before she could spot him.
His phone buzzed violently against his thigh. Chan's caller ID flashed across the cracked screen, followed immediately by Changbin's bombardment of texts
BRO
DID YOU JUST GO VIRAL ON TWITTER
THERES VIDEO OF YOU DOING A BACKFLIP OVER A CAR
Jisung groaned, flopping onto his back. Gravel dug into his shoulder blades through the suit. Above him, Seoul's light pollution drowned out the stars, leaving only a murky orange haze.
He held up his phone, squinting at the blurry footage someone had uploaded. there he was, mid backflip, his red and blue suit a neon smear against the night. The caption read
Spiderman??? In SEOUL????
The first tweet had thirty seven likes. By morning, it had seventeen thousand and counting.
Jisung woke to Changbin shoving his phone in his face, screen displaying a grainy video of someone in a red and blue suit flipping over a moving car. "Congratulations," Changbin said. "You're a meme now."
Chan was less amused. He paced their dorm room, pausing only to read the growing pile of news articles on his laptop:
SPIDERMAN IN SEOUL? SUPER-HERO OR SUPER-ZERO?
before rounding on Jisung. "This," he hissed, jabbing a finger at the screen, "is the opposite of keeping a low profile."
Jisung groaned into his pillow. "It was one car."
~
You'd seen the videos. Everyone had. Grainy footage of some idiot in red and blue flipping over cars and catching falling flowerpots like it was nothing. The internet had collectively lost its mind - #SpiderManSeoul was still trending and it's been a whole two weeks - but you refused to join the hype.
"Obviously fake," you muttered in the cafeteria, stabbing your chopsticks into a piece of kimchi. The table next to yours erupted into excited chatter about the latest clip, Spiderman allegedly stopping a truck from hitting a pedestrian near Hongdae.
Yunjin slammed her phone down on the cafeteria table hard enough to make your soup bowl rattle. "That's three robberies he's stopped this week," she hissed, scrolling through blurry footage. "How can you still think this is fake?"
You rolled your eyes, stirring your half cold soup. "Easy. Because physics don't work like that, and neither do people." You pointed your chopsticks at her phone screen where 'Spiderman' was currently doing something that should've snapped his spine in five places. "That's either CGI or a really dedicated performance artist with a death wish."
Across the table, Yunjin made a noise like a deflating balloon. "You're impossible." She flicked to another video, this one showing the vigilante webbing a purse snatcher to a lamppost mid sprint. "Explain that then,"
You leaned in, squinting at the pixelated mess. "Okay one, that 'web' looks suspiciously like industrial grade fishing line. Two-" you tapped the timestamp in the corner "-this was filmed at 2 AM near Hongdae. Everyone's either drunk or sleep deprived enough to hallucinate shit like this."
You snorted into your soup, watching Yunjin's face contort in frustration. "Honestly, anyone dumb enough to believe in 'Spiderman' probably thinks pigeons are government drones too." You waved a dismissive hand toward her phone. "He's probably just some adrenaline junkie with too much free time and a GoPro."
From the neighboring table, someone choked on their rice. You glanced over just in time to see Jisung wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Chan smacked him hard on his back, whether to help him breathe or silence him, you couldn't tell.
"Or," Jisung wheezed, voice still rough from coughing, "maybe he's actually helping people?" He twisted in his seat to face you fully, elbows propped on the table behind him. "Ever think of that, genius?"
Changbin groaned audibly and slid down in his chair.
You arched an eyebrow. "Didn't realize you were such a Spiderman fan, Han. Got a poster of him over your bed?"
Jisung's ears turned pink. "I'm just saying-" he jabbed a chopstick in your direction "-if someone's stopping crimes for free, maybe don't trash talk them while chewing with your mouth full."
Yunjin added "You're just jealous because you can't backflip over cars."
"I could if I wanted to," you shot back, knowing full well your athletic abilities peaked at speed walking to morning lectures.
Jisung snorted. "Sure, and I'm the queen of England."
Chan materialized between the tables. His palm hit Jisung’s shoulder with a dull thwack that knocked him forward into his bibimbap. “We’re late,” Chan announced, already dragging Jisung upright by the collar like a misbehaving kitten.
Jisung spluttered, chopsticks clattering to the tray. “Late for what?”
“The thing,” Changbin interjected smoothly, sliding out of his seat “The very important thing.”
You watched as Chan dragged Jisung toward the exit, Jisung still craning his neck to shout over his shoulder, “Ask me about my queen of England autograph later!”
Chan’s exasperated groan echoed down the hallway as the door swung shut behind them.
Left in their abrupt absence, you blinked at Yunjin. “What the hell was that about?”
She shrugged, scrolling through more Spiderman footage. “Dunno, but Han Jisung defending a vigilante’s honor is weirder than you denying literal video evidence.”
She paused the playback right as Spiderman executed a midair twist that defied every law of physics. “anyway, I think you’re just salty because Spiderman could probably out academic you and out athletic you.”
well...he literally did.
~
your disbelief in spiderman came back and smacked you right in the face.
you were at the library after you finished your lectures for the day, the library was unusually quiet for midterm season, the usual chatter replaced by the frantic scratching of pens and the occasional sniffle from sleep deprived students. You rubbed your temples, staring at the same differential equations page for forty five minutes straight. At this rate, you'd be here until sunrise, again.
Outside, Seoul had long since plunged into darkness, the campus pathways illuminated only by streetlamps. You hesitated at the library doors - your dorm was a fifteen minute walk through the least lit part of campus, but the alternative was another all nighter hunched over textbooks.
You'd taken three steps onto the pavement when the first catcall sliced through the quiet.
A group of drunk frat boys loitered near the bus stop, their laughter too loud, eyes tracking your movement.
You tightened your grip on your backpack straps and picked up the pace. Their footsteps followed, uneven against the pavement.
"Hey sweetheart, why you walking so fast?"
Your pulse jackhammered against your ribs. The shortcut through the engineering building's side alley was suddenly a terrible idea — too narrow, too dark, too isolated. You fumbled for your phone just as a hand grabbed your elbow.
Your elbow jerked instinctively, but the grip tightened. One of the drunk guys leaned in, his breath sour with soju as he slurred, "Don't be like that. We're just walking you home."
The others chuckled, closing ranks around you. Your phone slipped from your sweating fingers, clattering to the pavement.
You tried to say something, anything, but your voice came out shaky and thin, "Let go," you managed, but it sounded more like a question than a command.
The guy holding your elbow laughed, his grip tightening just enough to make your bones protest. His friends shuffled closer, their shadows swallowing the dim streetlight whole.
A second hand clamped onto your shoulder from behind. "Relax," someone slurred. "We're nice guys."
You twisted against the hold, but there were too many of them, too many hands, too many laughs, too many bodies boxing you in.
Then, movement. A flicker of red and blue in your peripheral vision. One of the drunk guys yelped as his hand was suddenly gone from your arm, yanked backward by an invisible force. The others barely had time to turn before something - someone - slammed into their midst like a human wrecking ball.
The drunk guy's hand vanished from your elbow with a wet thwip sound, followed by his startled scream as he was yanked backward into a dumpster.
His buddies whirled around - just in time to see a red and blue blur drop from the fire escape above, landing between them with a crouch.
"Hey guys," Spiderman said, tilting his head. The blank white lenses of his mask made his expression unreadable, "Didn't your moms teach you it's rude to grope strangers?"
One of the drunk guys lunged. Spiderman sidestepped without looking, webbing the guy's sneakers to the sidewalk mid swing. The dude faceplanted with a grunt, his friends gaping as he struggled against the sticky white strands now gluing his shoes to concrete.
"Oops," Spiderman said, tapping his chin. "Must've slipped."
Another guy charged. Spiderman flipped over him effortlessly, landing on the dumpster lid with a metallic clang. "Wow," he mused, watching the guy stumble past. "You're really bad at this. Like, impressively bad."
You stood frozen against the alley wall, watching Spiderman web the third guy's hands to his own jacket zipper. "There," he said, patting the stuck zipper. "Now you can't unzip or zip. Poetic, right?"
The last drunk guy made a break for it. Spiderman sighed dramatically. "Come on, man. Group project participation counts toward your final grade." A web shot out, snagging the runner's ankle mid stride.
He yelped as Spiderman reeled him in like a fish, depositing him neatly beside his webbed up friends.
Spiderman dusted off his gloves. "Alright, team huddle! Here's the deal-" he crouched to their eye level,
"-next time you think about cornering someone in a dark alley? Don't." He tapped the first guy's forehead with one finger. "Or I find you."
The drunk guys paled. Spiderman straightened, turning toward you then froze. His masked head tilted slightly, the lenses widening almost imperceptibly.
You realized three things at once
one, Your knees were shaking.
two, Spiderman was much shorter in person than the videos made him seem.
three, You'd dropped your phone and backpack during the scuffle, and your differential equations notes were now scattered across the alley like confetti.
Spiderman bent to gather your papers, his movements almost... familiar. He stacked them neatly and held them out. "You, uh. You okay?" His voice was softer now, the earlier bravado gone.
You took the notes with numb fingers. "Yeah. Thanks." The words came out hoarse.
Spiderman nodded awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Cool. Coolcoolcool." He cleared his throat. "So. Should I web these guys to a lamppost for the cops, or...?"
One of the webbed up drunks whimpered.
You swallowed hard. "Lamppost's good."
Spiderman saluted. "Lamppost it is."
Spiderman made quick work of securing the drunk guys to the nearest lamppost, his webs forming a messy cocoon around their legs. One of them hiccuped pathetically as Spiderman gave the webbing an experimental tug. "There," he said cheerfully. "Now you can reflect on your mistakes while waiting for the cops."
You hugged your notes to your chest, still processing the fact that Spiderman, the same one you'd spent weeks insisting was fake, just saved you.
"You're... shorter than I expected," you blurted out before you could stop yourself.
Spiderman's head snapped up. For a second, the mask's lenses just... stared.
Then he pressed a hand to his chest. "Excuse you, I'm perfectly average height for a-" He cut himself off abruptly, clearing his throat. "Anyway. You're welcome for saving your life or whatever."
"You didn't save my life," you muttered, kneeling to gather the last of your scattered pens.
Spiderman made a noise between a laugh and a wheeze. "Right. Sorry for interrupting your very important... pen collecting."
You looked up at him, "I was handling it."
"Uh huh." He crossed his arms, the red fabric stretching taut over his shoulders. "Because saying 'let go' in a squeaky voice is totally handling it."
Your cheeks burned. "I wasn't squeaky."
Spiderman's mask tilted slightly, "Sure," he drawled, dragging the word out.
You opened your mouth to retort when a police siren wailed in the distance. Spiderman's head snapped toward the sound, his posture more alert. "Right. That's my cue." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Need a swing home?"
You blinked. "A what?"
Before you could protest, he'd already grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but careful, "Do you trust me?"
"No," you said immediately.
Spiderman grinned beneath his mask - you could hear it in his voice. "Perfect."
Then he yanked you forward before you could react, making you drop your bag in the process, his other hand shooting a web line to the nearest rooftop with a sharp thwip.
Your stomach lurched violently as your feet left the pavement, the ground dropping away beneath you with terrifying speed.
You shrieked, instinctively locking your arms around his neck in a death grip as the world tilted sideways. Buildings blurred past, wind howling in your ears loud enough to drown out your own panicked breathing.
Spiderman's arm banded around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as he swung into open air. "Relax!" he shouted over the rush of wind. "I've only dropped one person!"
"WHAT?!" You dug your fingers into his shoulders hard enough to bruise - if normal humans could bruise whatever weird super skin he had.
"Kidding!" He adjusted his grip slightly, angling his body to catch the updraft as he launched you both higher.
he released the web line, freefalling for one terrifying second before another thwip sent you arcing upward again. The city sprawled beneath you, the view would've been beautiful if you weren't convinced you were about to become sidewalk confetti.
"wait- you passed my dorm!" you yelled over the wind, nails digging into Spiderman's shoulders as another swing took your breath away. The familiar building of your residence hall flashed below - then vanished behind you .
Spiderman's grip tightened fractionally around your waist. "Yeah, well," he called back, voice strained from the wind and what sounded suspiciously like laughter, "you looked like you could use some fresh air!"
You tried to say something back, but your words dissolved into a startled squeak as the city tilted dizzyingly. Your fingers clawed at his shoulders, but somewhere between the fourth and fifth swing, you realized your death grip had eased slightly. Maybe it was the way his arm stayed locked around your waist like a seatbelt, or how he angled his body to shield you from the worst of the wind.
"See?" Spiderman's said, "Not so bad once you stop trying to strangle me." He flipped midair just to hear you yelp, catching another webline with practiced ease.
"You're insane!" you managed, but your arms relaxed incrementally as you adjusted to the rhythm of his swings. The initial terror dulled into adrenaline, mixed with reluctant awe as Seoul sprawled beneath you in glowing grids.
The Han River flashed between buildings, and for one insane second, you understood why people did extreme sports.
Then Spiderman corkscrewed sideways without warning, shooting a web toward a higher rooftop. "check out this view!"
Before you could protest, he backflipped off the webline, sending you both soaring over a pedestrian bridge in a wide arc. Your stomach dropped straight to your shoes.
and suddenly you let out a laugh at the sheer absurdity of everything. at the fact that you were saved by spiderman in an alley, at the fact that you were finally getting your first breath of fresh air after days of being cooped up in either your room, or the library, or the lecture Hall.
The sound burst out, bright and startled against the roar of wind. Spiderman's head snapped toward you so fast, then he laughed too, the sound muffled by the mask but real, bubbling up from somewhere deep in his chest as he swung you both higher.
you spent a minute or two like that. Spiderman took a sharper turn than intended, nearly clipping a Samsung billboard with his shoulder. "Shit, sorry!" he yelped, twisting midair to avoid impact.
The sudden jerk should have terrified you, but instead you just laughed harder, your fingers loosening their death grip on his shoulders as you clung to him more out of habit than panic now.
"Are you trying to kill me?" you shouted over the wind, a smile still on your face.
"Only a little!" he called back.
Your dorm building came into view far below, Spiderman slowed his swings gradually, letting momentum carry you both downward in gentler arcs until. He landed with surprising grace on the sidewalk out front, setting you down carefully - though your legs wobbled like jelly the second your sneakers hit concrete.
"Whoa there," he chuckled, steadying you with a hand on your elbow. You swayed slightly as your feet touched solid ground again, still dizzy from the swinging.
Spiderman's gloved hands lingered on your elbows, steadying you. "You good?" His voice was softer now .
"I'm-" You swallowed hard, willing your legs to stop shaking. "I'm alive. Which is... surprising."
The adrenaline was fading now, leaving you strangely lightheaded. "I... thanks. Really." The words came out quieter than you intended, but you meant them.
"Yeah. No problem. That's kind of... the whole point of the suit." He gestured vaguely at himself, the red fabric stretching with the movement.
You snorted despite yourself. "Yeah, well. You're still insufferable."
"Ouch. And here I was going to offer you a free ride anytime."
"Hard pass," you said immediately, but you were smiling, a small, reluctant thing.
Spiderman chuckled, the sound muffled by his mask. He rocked back on his heels slightly. For a second, neither of you spoke, just stood there in the quiet aftermath, the distant city sounds filling the space between you.
Then he straightened. "Right. Don't get kidnapped again."
you smiled. "I'll try."
Spiderman gave a two fingered salute, already backing toward the alley wall. "If you do get kidnapped again-" he shot a webline upward without looking, the *thwip* cutting through the night air "-I'll be there." He tugged the web experimentally before adding, "But try not to make it a habit, yeah? My web fluid's expensive."
Before you could retort, he launched himself upward with a sudden burst of movement, the red and blue blur disappearing over the rooftop edge before you even processed the motion.
You stood frozen on the sidewalk, staring at the empty space where he'd been, your brain still trying to reconcile the fact that Spiderman - the same Spiderman you'd spent days dismissing as fake - had just swung you across half of Seoul.
The walk up to your dorm felt surreal. Your legs were stilll shakey, and you were still slightly dizzy.
You collapsed onto your bed fully dressed, convinced you'd lie awake replaying the night's events - then promptly passed out the second your head hit the pillow.
outside, Spiderman nearly faceplanted into a building mid swing. Because he was smiling like an absolute idiot under his mask, cheeks aching from the stupid, unstoppable smile that had been plastered on his face since he'd heard you laugh mid air.
He landed on the fire escape of their building, still buzzing with adrenaline. Peeling off the mask felt like surfacing from underwater - cool air hitting his sweaty face, the sounds of the city rushing back in clearly.
he shoved the window open, tumbling into the living room. Chan and Changbin were sprawled on the couch when Jisung crashed through the window.
Changbin glanced up from his phone. "Oh good, you didn't die." He paused his game just long enough to take in Jisung's disheveled state, mask off, hair sticking up in wild directions, and that ridiculous grin still plastered across his face. "Wait. Why do you look like that?"
"guys, you won't believe what just happened"
Jisung was halfway through inhaling to launch into his story when he froze mid breath, his eyes widening comically. "Wait - shit, her bag" He scrambled to his feet so fast he nearly tripped over.
Chan blinked. "Whose-"
"Be right back!" Jisung yanked the mask back over his head, the lenses setteling into place as he lunged for the window. "Forgot something super important"
Changbin's shout of "What the hell-" was cut off by the sharp thwip of a web line as Jisung flung himself back into the night.
~
You woke to sunlight stabbing your eyelids and the distinct sensation of having been hit by a bus.
The events of last night rushed back in - drunk guys, Spiderman, swinging through Seoul.
You groaned into your pillow, half convinced it had all been some dream.
Then a gust of wind hit your face like a slap. You squinted against the sunlight, realizing with a start that your window was wide open, and you definitely hadn’t left it that way.
you scrambled out of bed and approached your window sil. There, dangling from a single strand of web, was your missing backpack.
The backpack swung slightly as you reached out, the web strand stretching oddly. You tugged it free with a disgusting schlorp sound, and you saw a folded square of notebook paper stuck to the fabric with another glob of web.
You peeled it off with two fingers, The note was written in messy, angular handwriting that looked familiar.
you dropped this. your phone is inside too, you're welcome.
also, you snore.
- s
you stared at it, brain short circuiting between he brought my bag back and he watched me sleep?! before settling on the most pressing question, how the hell had Spiderman even known which dorm was yours? You hadn't told him. You were certain of it.
but maybe he'd just checked every single window till he found you -which would be extremely creepy, but made sense.
"There you are," Yunjin's voice cut through your spinning thoughts. You spun around to find her leaning against your doorframe, hair still mussed from sleep, squinting at you. "I was worried sick - where the hell were you last night?"
You opened your mouth - then froze. The backpack in your hands suddenly felt like damning evidence. "Library," you blurted too quickly.
Yunjin’s eyes dropped to the backpack in your hands, then narrowed at the sticky web residue still clinging to the fabric. Her gaze flicked to the note in your hands, then back to you. "Library," she repeated flatly. "Right."
She padded into your room, plucking the note from your hand with two fingers, then reading it, "You do snore," she said laughed, squinting at the handwriting. "Also, who the hell wrote this, who's 's'?" She waved the note in your face, the web glue still tacky.
You snatched it back. "no one."
She pointed at the webs on your bag. "spider webs?" Her voice pitched higher. "Did you, oh my god. Did Spiderman bring you home last night?"
She planted herself on your bed, legs crossed. "Start talking. Now." Her eyes flicked to your window, then back to you "And don’t even think about leaving out the part where Spiderman apparently knows where you live."
You sighed, sitting infront of her, "It’s not that dramatic. Some guys were being creeps last night, Spiderman showed up, webbed them to a lamppost, and then-" You hesitated, "And then he insisted on swinging me home."
Yunjin’s eyebrows shot up. "Swinging you home?" She grabbed your shoulders, shaking you slightly. "You swung through the city with spiderman?!"
"Yes! And it was terrifying!" You pried her hands off your shoulders. "And also... kind of amazing? But mostly terrifying. I almost threw up on him twice."
Yunjin's mouth fell open. "You- what" She grabbed your shoulders again, shaking you "You rode Spiderman?!"
"Swinging with Spiderman!" you corrected, cheeks flushing as you smacked her hands away.
Yunjin's grin turned positively feral as she flopped onto your bed, "Details. Now. How tall was he?"
"he's definitely shorter than you'd expect"
"Did he smell nice? Was he hot under the mask? Did he-"
"I didn't see his face. And you're disgusting," you hissed, chucking a pillow at her face.
"I'm invested," she corrected, hugging the pillow to her chest. "Also, I told you he was real."
You groaned, collapsing onto the bed beside her. "Okay, fine, he's real. Happy?"
"Ecstatic,"
safe to say, Yunjin wouldn't stop fangirling over this all afternoon.
~
Midterms came and went. You barely had time to process the fact that Spiderman had swung you across Seoul before exams swallowed your entire existence whole.
The only upside was that Jisung, for once, wasn't hovering around to gloat about his grades.
He seemed more busy, like he got a life or something, you'd catch him dozing off more than once, dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days.
Winter break arrived soon after. If not at some party with yunjin, you spent most of it holed up in your bedroom, halfheartedly scrolling through Spiderman footage.
The videos had multiplied exponentially, now there were compilations of him rescuing cats from trees, stopping bike thieves, even helping an old lady carry groceries up six flights of stairs when her building's elevator broke.
The comments sections were flooded with debates about whether he was a hero, a menace, or just some guy with too much time.
You never commented. But you watched.
When the new semester started, campus was buzzing with fresh Spiderman gossip. Someone claimed they'd seen him perched on the humanities building at 3 AM.
Another swore they'd spotted him buying convenience store ramen in full costume.
Yunjin, of course, had compiled an entire folder of sightings on her phone and updated you daily despite your protests.
Jisung stumbled into Professor Kim's lecture hall seventeen minutes late, face still puffy like he'd rolled straight out of bed, which, given the pillow crease still visible on his left cheek, he probably had.
he blinked blearily at the seating chart projected on the board before shuffling toward the only empty seat in the room- right next to you, of course.
"You're late," you muttered as he collapsed into the chair with a groan.
"Yeah, well," Jisung yawned so wide his jaw cracked, "tell that to the asshole who decided 9 am classes were a good idea."
His elbow slid off the desk mid sentence, nearly knocking over your water bottle before he caught it with reflexes that were still annoyingly precise despite his obvious exhaustion.
Dark circles bruised the skin beneath his eyes, deep enough to be visible even in the lecture hall's dim lighting. and when he reached for his notebook, you caught a glimpse of fresh scrapes across his knuckles.
You didn't think much of it - Professor Kim clears her throat, and announced the semester's major project.
"Partners are assigned randomly," she said, tapping her clipboard as murmurs rippled through the lecture hall. "No swaps, no complaints. You'll be working together for the next eight weeks."
You barely had time to dread the possibilities before the projector screen lit up with the pairings list. Your stomach dropped straight to your shoes when you saw your name right next to Han Jisung's.
"Aw, we're finally spending quality time together."
You rolled your eyes so hard it almost hurt, but didn’t protest. Because - annoyingly - Jisung would a good project partner if he bothered to focus.
“Here,” you muttered, shoving your phone across the desk toward him “Put your number in before I change my mind.”
Jisung’s eyebrows shot up, he just stared at your phone. Then his face split into that infuriating smile.
“Aw,” he cooed, snatching the phone before you could reconsider. “You do care.” His thumbs flew across the screen with alarming speed. “Should I put a heart next to my name? Or maybe-”
“If you put anything besides your name and number, i'll take Chan's number and all interactions will be through him”
Jisung pouted before deleting the heart emoji he'd already typed, and then handed your phone back. "You're no fun,"
after class was over, you spotted Yunjin leaning against the courtyard railing, scrolling through her phone per usual.
The moment she caught sight of you, her eyebrows shot up, then immediately waggled suggestively as she took in your exhausted expression.
"Let me guess," she drawled, pocketing her phone with a smirk. "Spiderman swung by again? Or was it just Han Jisung being his usual pain-in-your-ass self?"
You groaned, dragging your hands down your face. "the latter." You paused, then sighed dramatically. "And also... we got paired for Kim's semester project."
Yunjin's eyes widened. "Oh my god. You're finally spending quality time together"
"You said the exact same thing he did," you groaned, "Word for word. I swear, both of you share the same overworked brain cell."
Yunjin snorted, "Girl, I wish I did share a brain cell with him, then maybe I'd actually be able to solve Kim's exams without wanting to yeet myself into the Han River."
you sighed, already drained from all the work you'd have to do this semester before it even started "then there's the university festival too"
"oh yea, what'cha planning to do for the big fair" yunjin said. "gonna work on something with han too?" she wiggled her eyebrows.
"absolutely not" you answered quickly, "I won't do anything, I'll just rest. yeah. I'll catch up on all the sleep I'm about to lose"
"aw, what a shame," yunjin said, then she leaned in, whispering, "Though honestly, if you really want to tap into that academic powerhouse, there are way more fun ways to-"
"Finish that thought and I'm throwing you into the Han River myself."
"I'm just sayin'," she said, dodging your attempt to push her, "both of you just need to have a good fuck for this rivalry to go away."
"Speaking of fucks," you said, leaning against the courtyard railing, "I’ll be working on the project at Jisung’s place most days. Which means our dorm will be delightfully empty."
You flicked a stray leaf off your sleeve "Feel free to bring your Tinder disasters over, just keep them away from my room, please"
Yunjin gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Excuse you," she said, tossing her hair over one shoulder with exaggerated offense. "My Tinder disasters are upstanding gentlemen—"
"Who leave their boxers on your floor and eat my cereal," you deadpanned, "Just wash the sheets afterwards. And hide the good mugs."
~~~
when Jisung kicked the door open - a lethal combination of unwashed socks, stale ramen, and the faint metallic tang of something that might have been blood hit his face.
Chan looked up from his laptop just in time to see Jisung hurdle over the couch, skidding to a stop in front of the coffee table where changbin was demolishing a bag of chips.
"We have a problem," Jisung announced .
"You are the problem." changbin said.
Chan sighed, closing his laptop, "What did you break this time?"
"Nothing!" Jisung paused. "Well. Maybe the window latch. But that’s not the point." he paused. "She is coming here. To work on the project."
Changbin froze mid chip. "Who’s ‘she’-"
Chan’s eyes widened. "Oh no."
Jisung nodded frantically. "Oh yes."
Changbin’s eyes darted between them. "Wait. Are we talking about-"
"Yes," Chan groaned, already dragging a hand down his face.
Changbin’s chip bag hit the floor with a crunch. “Oh, hell no.” He scrambled up, scanning the apartment with mounting horror.
Medical supplies littered the kitchen counter, spare web cartridges rolled under the couch, and most damning jisung’s half finished suit upgrades dangled from a makeshift clothesline strung across the living room.
“We have twenty minutes to make this place look like normal people live here.”
Chan was already in motion, snatching stray web shooters off the coffee table. “Jisung, hide your suit. Changbin, take the first aid kits.” He paused mid step, “And for the love of god, air out this place. It smells like a rat died in here.”
Jisung went to yank the prototype suit off the clothesline, "It's not that bad," he protested, bundling the fabric under his arms.
The apartment was almost presentable by the time you knocked.
You stood outside their door, knocking twice, when a crash echoed from inside followed by frantic whispering.
after a minute, the door opened, revealing Changbin "Heyyyyy," he drawled, voice pitched an octave too high. "You're early"
you blinked, pointing your thumb back towards the elevator, "I can come back in a bit if you guys are busy-"
Changbin waved a hand like he was shooing away smoke. "Nah, nah, we’re good!" he stepped aside,
“Home sweet home,” Changbin announced, “Ignore the-” He gestured vaguely at a suspicious lump under a blanket that was definitely not laundry. “Decorative choices.”
You toed off your shoes at the entrance, noting with mild surprise that the apartment was cleaner than expected - though said suspicious lump under the blanket suggested they'd simply relocated the mess rather than actually cleaned it.
Chan looked up from his laptop, offering a casual salute as you stepped further into the apartment. "Hey," he said, "Jisung's in his room pretending he didn't just spend twenty minutes panic cleaning."
You snorted. "Sounds about right."
Jisung's bedroom door was slightly ajar, revealing a space that had clearly undergone a last minute excavation.
The floor was visible and his desk was suspiciously organized, textbooks stacked next to his laptop.
"Wow," you said, leaning against the doorframe. "I didn't know you owned a trash can."
Jisung spun around from where he'd been adjusting a poster that was still slightly crooked. "Shut up," he muttered, He gestured vaguely at the desk. "I set up already. Figured you'd want the, uh-" He waved his hands. "The workspace. Or whatever."
You walked in and over to the desk, project outline stared back at you from Jisung's laptop screen - neatly formatted, color-coded, and some parts were already done . You blinked. "You... started without me?"
Jisung shrugged, spinning a pen between his fingers, "Couldn't sleep last night." His knee bumped yours when you sat down, "Figured I'd get a head start before you could accuse me of slacking."
You stared at the spreadsheet he'd prepared, grudgingly impressed despite yourself. The formulas were flawless, the research sources ready, "Well. At least you're not completely useless."
"Wow. Wow. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." he leaned closer, "Careful. Keep this up and people might think we like each other."
"get to work," you muttered, pulling your chair closer to his desk.
Jisung straightened, "Yes, ma'am."
You shook your head, but the corner of your mouth betrayed you with a twitch. He noticed instantly, and his grin widened like he'd won something.
You kicked his chair leg under the desk in retaliation, sending him wobbling sideways with a yelp.
Working with Jisung turned out to be - annoyingly - far less painful than you’d anticipated.
He had a way of cutting through your overthinking, dismantling problems you’d tangled into knots. When you got stuck on a statistical analysis, he spun his laptop around to show you a ridiculously simplified formula that somehow worked.
When he hit a dead end with the literature review, you pointed him toward three obscure sources he’d missed. It was infuriatingly efficient.
you'd also grew to realize that Jisung focused when it mattered.
Then there were the snacks. Jisung kept shoving food at you - convenience store food, but its the thought that counts “Eat,” he’d say, nudging a bar of chocolate toward you without looking up. “Your blood sugar’s crashing. I can hear your stomach growling from here.”
You’d protest, but he wouldn't hear any of it until you tore open the packaging begrudgingly.
and he actually remembered things. Tiny, insignificant details you’d mentioned in passing - your preference for blue pens over black, the way you organized your citations, the fact that you always forgot to save drafts until it was too late.
Halfway through typing, your laptop would ding with a message from him You didn’t save again, genius. You’d glare at him, but he’d already be smirking at his own screen.
You didn't expect to bond with Chan and Changbin too, but somehow their apartment became your second home for the past 6 weeks.
you stayed past 10 pm once, Chan slid a takeout menu across the table. "Pick something," he said, "Jisung forgets to eat when he's focused, and you're worse than he is."
The takeout containers were long empty by the time you stretched your arms over your head, joints popping from hours hunched over textbooks.
"You should head back," His voice was casual, but his eyes flicked to the time on his phone, 11:47 PM, then back to your face. "It's late."
You sighed, gathering your notes into a pile. "I've walked home later than this."
"Yeah, and nearly got followed by drunk assholes," Jisung muttered under his breath.
"I'll be fine. It's like, twelve minutes max." You slung the strap over your shoulder.
"at least let me walk you home?" jisung asked.
"Relax. you don't have to act like my hero for the night, i'll be fine."
jisung heard the word "hero" and an idea popped into his mind. bingo
"Fine. Die in a dark alley. See if I care."
"You won't," you shot back, toeing on your shoes by the door.
"Night, guys," you called over your shoulder as you stepped into the hallway, the door clicking shut behind you.
Inside the apartment, Jisung was already running to put his suit on before Chan caught him by the hood. "Are you serious right now?"
"I'm just gonna-" Jisung started.
"Follow her as Spiderman?" Changbin supplied, "Dude. That's creepy."
Jisung froze. "It's not creepy if I'm making sure she doesn't get murdered."
"It's extremely creepy."
"She literally said she didn't need an escort!" Changbin pointed out.
Jisung waved a hand. "She always says that."
"Because you always try to escort her!"
Jisung hesitated, just long enough for Chan to sigh and release his hood. "If you're gonna be an idiot, at least put the mask on first."
Changbin tossed a web shooter at Jisung's head. "And try not to get arrested for stalking."
Outside, you were halfway down the block when a shadow flickered across the streetlight above you. You glanced up just in time to see a blur of red and blue vanish behind a rooftop.
"Really?"
A thwip sounded overhead. Spiderman landed lightly on a lamppost ahead of you, "Fancy meeting you here," he said, voice dripping with faux surprise.
You crossed your arms. "Are you following me?"
Spiderman gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. "I'm patrolling. This is a coincidence."
"A coincidence," you deadpanned.
"Yep." He swung down to street level, falling into step beside you like this was completely normal. "Totally random."
You sighed. "I don't need an escort."
Spiderman tilted his head. "Says the person who nearly got jumped last time."
"That was one time-"
"And here I am," he said, spreading his arms wide, " not letting it happen again."
You glared at him. He smiled at you - or at least, the mask's eyes crinkled in a way that suggested a smile.
"Fine," you muttered, stomping ahead.
Spiderman matched your stomping pace, "So," he drawled, swinging around a lamppost to land directly in front of you, forcing you to halt mid step or you'd have walked straight into his chest. "What's a pretty girl like you doing out so late?"
Your ears burned "I was just coming back from a friend’s place," you muttered, sidestepping him to continue walking. "Working on a project. Unlike some people, I actually take my education seriously."
Oh the irony.
he fell into step beside you, his posture casual, "So this friend," he pressed, "What's their deal? Study buddy? Secret admirer?"
You shot him a glare. "None of your business."
Spiderman gasped, "Ouch. And here I thought we had something special." He swung ahead, landing lightly on a parked car’s roof just to force you to look up at him. "Come on, humor me. Tall? Short? cute?"
You stayed silent, refusing to dignify that with an answer. But Spiderman was nothing if not persistent, he dropped down directly in your path again, close enough that the lenses of his mask reflected your exasperated expression back at you.
"Han Jisung," you finally said, shoving past him. "My project partner. Happy?"
"Han Jisung," he repeated, "Wow. Sounds like a real catch. Bet he’s incredibly handsome and talented."
"He’s annoying," you corrected, kicking a pebble harder than necessary. "And arrogant. And-"
"And?" Spiderman prompted, suddenly right beside you again.
"And none of your concern," you finished through gritted teeth.
Spiderman made a wounded noise, "Rude. Here I am, risking life and limb to escort you safely home-"
"You invited yourself," you corrected.
"-and you won’t even indulge my harmless curiosity about your mysterious project partner." He swung ahead to perch upside down from a streetlight, "Tell me more about this Han Jisung character. Does he have any redeeming qualities? Or is he just tragically, devastatingly handsome?"
You scoffed, refusing to acknowledge how accurately that described Jisung’s stupid face. "Fine. Jisung’s... not completely terrible." You looked at the sidewalk. "He remembers stupid things. Like how I always forget to save my work, or that I hate when people highlight in yellow."
Spiderman’s mask tilted, the lenses narrowing slightly. "Wow," he said, his tone an exaggerated awe. "Truly, a monumental compliment. Does he also breathe air and occasionally blink?"
You kicked a pebble at him, which he caught mid air with a web before it could hit his chest.
"Shut up. He’s..." You hesitated, then sighed. "He’s weirdly considerate. Makes sure I eat when we’re studying. And his roommates are..." You gestured vaguely, as if that explained anything. "nice. more tolerable than him, actually. they insist on feeding me too"
Spiderman went suspiciously quiet. Then, in a voice devoid of sarcasm "They sound nice."
You snorted. "They’re menaces. But yeah. They... grew on me."
A beat of silence. Then Spider-Man dropped from the lamppost, landing softly beside you. "And Jisung?" he prompted, suddenly closer than before. "What’s his fatal flaw?"
You didn’t even have to think. "He's always right somehow. And he gloats about it. alot."
"Horrifying," he agreed solemnly. "Anything else?"
"He’s always there," you muttered, more to yourself than to him. "Even when I wish he wasn’t."
The mask hid his expression, but his next words came out oddly soft. "Sounds like you’ve got it pretty bad, genius."
The familiar nickname prickled at the back of your memory, but you couldn't place it, until Spiderman abruptly straightened, realizing his mistake, clearing his throat.
"So!" he said, "How much further to your dorm?"
You narrowed your eyes at the obvious subject change. "Why? Getting tired already?"
Spiderman scoffed, "Please. I could do this all night." then shrugged "Just making conversation."
"You were doing just fine until the nickname," you pointed out, watching his lenses widen fractionally.
"What nickname?" he asked, voice pitching slightly higher.
"Genius." You tilted your head, studying his frozen posture. "Jisung calls me that."
spiderman got into character again, "Jisung calls you that?" His voice was pitched an octave higher than usual, his hands fluttering in dramatic disbelief.
"Wow. What a coincidence." He leaned closer, "Maybe l'm Han Jisung. Ever think of that, genius?"
He lowkey regret what he said the second the words came out of his mouth. but hey, reverse psychology?
you stopped walking for a second, facing spiderman, genuinely considering what he just said.
"nah" you snorted, shaking your head. "Jisung can barely walk in a straight line without tripping over his own feet." You gestured vaguely at Spiderman's lithe posture. "No way that disaster could pull off... whatever this is."
"Ouch. That hurts. I'll have you know some people find my-" he gestured at himself, "this extremely charming."
"You mean annoying," you corrected.
"Charmingly annoying," Spiderman corrected, He swung lazily ahead, landing atop the lamppost outside your dorm building.
You stopped beneath the lamppost, glancing up at Spiderman’s silhouette squatting on top of it. "This your stop, genius?" he asked, voice lilting with amusement.
"Yes," you said flatly. "And don't call me that."
"Call you what? Genius?" He leaned forward, resting his chin in one gloved hand. "Or pretty girl?"
Your face heated instantly. "Both."
Spiderman laughed, a sound that you swear you heard before.
"Fine, fine. Wouldn't want to inflate your ego too much." He swung down from the lamppost.
He turned to leave, then hesitated, just long enough to glance over his shoulder and add, voice softer than before, "Sleep tight, pretty girl."
Then he was gone, vanishing into the night sky with a thwip of webbing before you could retaliate.
you stayed glued to the pavement for a minute as you watched spiderman's figure get smaller the more he swung away, face slowly heating up.
"Talking 'bout some pretty girl," you muttered under your breath, walking to the entrance of the building
who is this guy?
~
a/n: *takes in a big deep breath* I initially meant for this to be way shorter (10k ish words) but it kinda spiraled and now its more than double that so I had to split it into two parts 😞. the second part is ready just needs proofreading and a few tweaks. hope it doesn't disappoint because I put my entire coochie and butt into this.
or: you don't believe that spiderman is real. who would believe that a masked vigilante just popped out of nowhere, started shooting webs and swinging through Seoul saving people, in spandex?? and most of all, you wouldn't believe that said "spiderman" would have any correlation with han jisung, that's just a load of nonsense!
in other words..: look, in jisung's defense, he didnt mean to get bit by a genetically modified spider. but he did, so now he's stuck with the superhuman side effects, a superhero persona, and his roommates constantly covering for him. and hey, he doesn't mind a sprinkle of chaos into his life. he's actually glad he got this alter ego, a version of himself that does good for other people, y'know...saving the city, and one that he can maybe impress you with, since his original self is stuck being your academic rival that you can't stand even if you were paid.
warnings: academicrival!jisung x reader, college au, MDNI!! contains sexual content (the smut is unprompted and is completely self indulgent) inappropriate use of webs, upside down kiss, references from multiple spiderman movies, college slop, group project slop, talks of biotech and robotics that are probably false (research was poorly done), injuries and bloodloss, reader is an academic weapon and doesn't catch a break.
wc: 9.5k | part 1
The final keystroke of your semester project sent a wave of relief so palpable it nearly knocked you sideways.
You slumped back into the couch cushions, arms flopping dramatically at your sides. "Done," you announced, voice hoarse from hours of revision. "We're done."
Jisung, who had been hovering over your shoulder, let out a cheer so loud it startled Chan into almost dropping his phone.
"We slayed that presentation," Jisung crowed, "Like obliterated it. Decimated. Annihilated-"
"Okay, we get it," Changbin interrupted, carrying three boxes of pizza, "But if you don't shut up and eat, I'm finishing your half."
Changbin dropped the pizza boxes onto the coffee table. Chan immediately lunged for a slice, Jisung snatched two before Changbin could even open the second box.
You reached for a slice of your own, the warmth of the cardboard seeping into your fingers as you took your first bite.
The exhaustion of the past seven weeks, staying up late to fine tune every slide, running through practice presentations, arguing over citation formats, finally melted away with the simple act of chewing.
Jisung, usually incapable of sitting still for more than thirty seconds, actually paused between bites, slumping against the couch cushions with a satisfied sigh.
It was strange, how comfortable you’d grown here - how easily you’d slipped into the rhythm of their apartment, their habits, their banter.
When the last slice disappeared, you gathered your things. Jisung, still sprawled on the couch, craned his neck to watch you pack up, and offered to walk you out, as usual, but you waved him off.
the campus pathways were still buzzing with students as it was still around 8pm.
You waved over your shoulder without looking back, calling out a lazy, "Bye, guys," as the dorm door clicked shut behind you.
The evening air was warm and humid, typical for early summer, and you barely made it halfway across the quad when the first fat raindrop splattered against your forehead.
You paused, blinking up at the sky. "You've got to be kidding me," you muttered.
Within a few minutes, your hair was damp, your shirt started clinging uncomfortably to your shoulders.
you continued walking, not that you had any other choice, your shoes making sad squelching noises with each step, when suddenly the raindrops abruptly stopped hitting you.
You blinked, staring at the sidewalk where water still splattered against the pavement mere inches from your feet. Then you turned your head.
Jisung stood beside you, holding an umbrella over your head with one hand while rainwater soaked his other half. raindrops drenched his shoulder, his bangs were slightly damp and clung to his forehead.
you stared at him for a second. he was breathless, chest heaving, "You," you said flatly, "are the least effective umbrella holder I've ever seen."
Jisung grinned, shaking his head like a wet dog and spraying water droplets everywhere. "Excuse you," he said, nudging the umbrella handle toward you. "I ran after you."
You blinked at him, "You-" you started, then stopped, "Why?"
Jisung shrugged, "Because I wanted to," he said simply.
The umbrella was small enough that you had to stand closer than usual to both stay under it. His arm brushed against yours as you walked, making you hyper aware of the unusual proximity.
"You're still getting wet," you pointed out, glancing at the way rainwater still soaked his shoulder that wasn't covered by the umbrella.
Jisung shrugged, shifting the umbrella slightly more toward you. "I'm already soaked. Doesn't matter."
"that's stupid," you muttered, but you didn't step away.
The rain drummed a steady rhythm against the umbrella as you walked, the sound muffling the usual campus noises.
For once, Jisung wasn't filling the silence with chatter, just walking beside you.
"You didn't have to do this," you said after a moment.
Jisung glanced at you, a slight smile forming. "I know."
The simplicity of his answer caught you off guard. You looked away, focusing on the puddles splashing beneath your feet.
A gust of wind sent rain spraying sideways, and Jisung instinctively shifted, angling himself between you and the worst of it. His shoulder bumped against yours, steadying you when you slipped on a slick patch of pavement.
"Careful," he murmured, his hand briefly brushing your elbow before he pulled away.
The rain slowed to a drizzle as you reached the covered walkway outside your dorm building, its roof shielding you from the worst of the weather. Jisung shook the umbrella out with a flick of his wrist, sending droplets scattering across the pavement.
"You didn't have to walk me all the way back," you said, watching as he ran a hand through his damp hair, pushing it back from his forehead.
Jisung shrugged, "Would've been rude to leave you halfway."
"at least stay a bit till the rain dies down?" You leaned against the dorm's brick wall beneath the awning, the sound of rain pattering around you both. Jisung nodded, mirrored your posture.
after a moment of silence, "You're shivering," he noted, eyebrows knitting together.
"I'm fine," you lied, crossing your arms over your damp shirt.
Jisung then peeled off his hoodie. The motion made his tshirt ride up slightly, revealing a strip of skin that you very pointedly did not stare at.
"Here, it's less wet than yours" he said, dangling the garment in front of your face.
"you don't have to-"
"Do I have to put it on you myself?"
The mental image made your ears heat. "I'm capable of dressing myself, thanks." You snatched the hoodie, your fingers brushing against his.
The material was a little damp but still held the residual heat from his body as you pulled it over your head.
"There," he said, satisfied, reaching over to adjust the hood where it had caught on your ear. His fingers lingered for a heartbeat too long, tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. "Now you look-"
"Like a drowned rat in your laundry?" you supplied.
Jisung's mouth quirked. "I was gonna say cute, but sure, let's go with that."
You froze.
Jisung seemed to realize what he'd said at the same time you did. His ears turned pink, "I mean- not that you're not usually- I just-"
"You're rambling," you pointed out,
"Yeah," he admitted, uncharacteristically quiet. His eyes flickered to your mouth, then back up.
The rain drummed above you both, creating a rhythm that drowned out everything else.
Jisung leaned in, just slightly. Your pulse kicked up as you tilted your head toward him. His lips parted slightly, and you closed your eyes, inching closer.
Three inches. Two.
Then, police sirens.
Jisung flinched backward, his head whipping toward the sound. your eyes snapped open.
The sirens wailed louder - close, too close - their flashing blue lights reflecting off the wet pavement in erratic pulses.
His entire body tensed, fingers twitching at his sides as if physically restraining himself from bolting toward the noise.
"You should-" His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, already stepping back. "You should go inside before you catch a cold."
You blinked. "What? No, I-"
"I need to go," Jisung blurted out, already taking another step backward.
"You're leaving?" You gestured at the rain still sheeting down. "In this?"
Jisung hesitated for only a second longer, "I'm sorry," he said, already backing away, "I'll- I'll text you."
And then he was gone, sprinting into the rain without so much as a glance back, his sneakers splashing through puddles as he disappeared around the corner of the building.
You stared after him, the hoodie sleeves dangling over your hands, rainwater dripping from your hair onto the pavement.
"What the hell?" you muttered to no one.
~
The shower barely warmed up before you finished washing off the rain. but the borrowed hoodie made up for it as you towel dried your hair.
Your phone buzzed against the sink counter, screen lighting up with a notification from a news page on twitter. You tapped it absently while tugging the hoodie's sleeves over your palms.
Safety Alert: Vehicle collision near university campus. Avoid area. Emergency responders on scene.
You frowned at the timestamp- eight minutes ago. Right around when those sirens had interrupted whatever that was with Jisung.
Scrolling down revealed tweets already flooding in.
seoullights: SPIDER-MAN JUST WEBBED A CAR FROM HITTING A BUS.
chemmajorhell: did spiderman just yeet a sedan???
strayawayfromme: video proof before yall call cap
You tapped the blurry video thumbnail.
The footage was shaky, clearly filmed by someone sprinting away.
A silver sedan spun out of control toward an intersection. Then - spiderman dropped from nowhere, webbing the car’s front bumper mid skid and yanking it sideways. The sedan screeched to a halt inches from a bus.
The camera panned up, catching Spiderman perched on a traffic light, one arm outstretched with webbing still attached to the car. you could see his shoulders heaving. Then his voice cut through your phone speakers.
“Hey, watch the crosswalk!”
The video froze mid buffering, right as Spiderman swung off the traffic light, but not before you caught the jagged movement, the way his descent stuttered unnaturally.
The camera jerked away, but not before you saw the red blooming across his leg where something, a piece of debris, maybe - had clipped him mid swing.
The next frame showed him stumbling slightly on landing, one hand pressed to his thigh before he forced himself upright.
You stared at your phone screen long after the video had ended, thumb hovering over the replay button.
The timing was too convenient. Jisung bolting the second those sirens blared, Spiderman appearing minutes later, the uncanny similarities in their voices, their mannerisms.
It was ridiculous. Impossible. And yet-
Your fingers twitched toward your messages, halfway through typing "Did you just-" before deleting it with a frustrated sigh.
What exactly were you going to ask? "Did you just stop a car crash as Spiderman?" That sounded insane, even for Jisung.
You tossed your phone onto your bed, where it landed against your comforter.
Outside, the rain had slowed down, occasional droplets tapping against your window.
You peeled off Jisung’s hoodie and held it up, studying it, It was just a hoodie. A dumb, slightly damp hoodie that smelled like his cheap cologne.
You groaned, flopping backward onto your bed and dragging a pillow over your face. "I’m losing it," you muttered to the empty room.
Because no. There was no way.
Han Jisung was not swinging around the city saving people.
He disappeared at weird times, and yes, he had so many unexplained bruises, and okay, maybe his voice did sound eerily similar to Spiderman’s when he was being particularly smug.
but that didn’t mean anything. Coincidences happened.
You were just tired. Overworked. Probably hallucinating from sleep deprivation.
~
days passed.
With the semester project finally submitted, you allowed yourself the luxury of not pulling all nighters for once. sleeping in past sunrise, lingering over coffee in the campus café instead of gulping it down between lectures.
The relief felt like shedding a weighted vest you hadn’t realized you’d been wearing.
But the reprieve from academic stress only left more room for other thoughts to creep in.
You noticed things now.
The way Jisung winced when he stretched too far in class, how he’d disappear mid conversation only to text some excuse his supposed stomach problems.
You pushed the observations aside, each time. It was ridiculous. Coincidental. Probably.
other than that, things between you and Jisung were... fine.
If "fine" meant orbiting each other like awkward middle school crushes, both hyperaware of the almost kiss that neither of you acknowledged.
He still showed up to your shared lectures, but now there was a hesitation in his movements. like he was constantly stopping himself from reaching out to fix your hair or brush a crumb off your cheek.
It was infuriating. And confusing. And maybe a little endearing, not that you'd ever admit it.
Chan and Changbin, to their credit, pretended not to notice the shift. Mostly.
Changbin did once mutter "Just kiss already, Jesus" before, earning a kick under the table from Chan. Jisung had choked, and you’d smoothly pretended not to hear anything.
but at least you have free time now, and actually sleep properly for a change.
but you might've jinxed yourself on that part.
~
you were at a cafe on campus with yunjin, the straw of your iced coffee collapsed with an obnoxious crunch as you sucked up the last dregs, barely listening to Yunjin's enthusiastic rundown of the annual university fair's attractions.
"-and the engineering department is doing a robot battle arena, which sounds lame until you realize they weaponized Roomba vacuums," she was saying, waving a fry for emphasis. "Plus free cotton candy if you donate blood at the med tent, which, morally questionable, but-"
then, a hand clamped onto your shoulder. "You."
Professor Ann’s grip was firm, her manicured nails digging in just enough to make you freeze mid sip.
The head of the biotech department had the presence of a hurricane, and right now, her gaze pinned you to your seat like a specimen under glass.
Yunjin’s fry hovered halfway to her mouth. "Uh,"
Professor Ann didn’t wait for a proper response, just tightened her grip on your shoulder and steered you bodily out of the cafe booth, her heels clicking against the tile floor as she marched you toward the science building. "You’re coming with me," she announced, not bothering to check if you were keeping up.
"Did I fail something?" you blurted out, scrambling to match her stride.
Professor Ann snorted, pushing open the heavy double doors with one hand. "If you had, I wouldn’t be dragging you to help"
She guided you down a hallway lined with framed research posters, stopping abruptly outside a lab door labeled 'Advanced Robotics AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.'
Before you could process the warning sign, she shoved the door open with her shoulder. The lab was chaos, grad students hunched over circuit boards, undergrads scrambling with toolkits, and in the center of it all, looming like a sci fi monstrosity, stood a gleaming exoskeleton suit suspended on a display rig.
Professor Ann clapped once, sharp enough to cut through the noise. "Everyone, this is our missing piece."
A dozen exhausted faces swiveled toward you.
"she," Professor Ann continued, placing a hand on your shoulder, "is going to be the live demo operator for our showcase at the university festival next week."
You blinked. "I- what?"
"The neural interface needs a pilot with your exact cognitive profile," she said.
When you just stared, she sighed and grabbed a tablet off a nearby workstation, thrusting it into your hands. "Look. The suit’s responsiveness correlates with specific neural activity patterns - patterns you happen to excel at based on your neurobiology midterm scores."
The tablet displayed a graph you vaguely recognized from last semester’s lab, except someone had circled your data points in aggressive red marker.
One of the grad students, his lab coat streaked with what looked like motor oil, piped up. "We’ve been testing for weeks, and no one’s synced above 78% compatibility. Your scans hit 94%."
You gaped at the numbers. "That’s… not how brains work?"
Professor Ann waved a hand. "Technicalities. Point is, you’re our best shot at making this thing not faceplant during the demonstration."
A nervous laugh escaped you. "And if I say no?"
She smiled, the kind of smile that made you instinctively take a step back. "Then I reconsider your extra credit eligibility."
well, fuck.
You sighed, already resigning yourself to the inevitable. "Do I at least get hazard pay?"
Professor Ann patted your shoulder "You get bragging rights and a free tshirt."
The grad student handed you a stack of waivers thicker than your biochemistry textbook. "Mostly liability stuff," he assured you, "Also, you don't have to worry about your body strength. The suit does most of the heavy lifting."
You skimmed the first paragraph 'participant acknowledges risk of potential neural feedback, musculoskeletal strain, and/or unforeseen technological malfunction' before sighing and reaching for a pen.
Just when you thought you could get a breather.
~
Preparing for the university fair became the distraction you were grateful for, right up until it wasn’t.
The first few days were almost exhilarating. poring over schematics in the robotics lab, learning how to sync your movements with the exoskeleton’s hydraulic whirs, watching grad students argue over calibration settings.
It was a welcome reprieve from overthinking whatever the hell was going on with Jisung and spiderman.
Then the exhaustion hit.
you’d memorized the suit’s startup sequence faster than the engineers expected, but your hands shook from the overload, and your eyelids felt like sandpaper.
Professor Ann had you rehearsing the demo routine six times a day while undergrads adjusted sensors on your limbs like you were a mannequin. The suit itself was lighter than it looked, but after hours of testing, your shoulders ached from the pressure points, and your calves burned from the assisted jumps.
“You look like death warmed over,” Yunjin sai'd once, plopping down next to you in the cafeteria as you face planted onto the table.
The university fair preparations drained you in ways caffeine couldn't fix. By the fifth consecutive day in the robotics lab, you'd perfected the exosuit's startup sequence to a muscle memory beat - left knee actuator first, then right shoulder stabilizer, then the neural sync pulse that made your vision briefly pixelate. your hands developed a permanent tremor from exhaustion.
The suit's cooling vents whirred against your spine during particularly grueling rehearsals, doing little to combat the sweat soaking through your shirt as Professor Ann critiqued your form for the seventeenth time that hour.
"You're anticipating the jump instead of letting the suit assist," she called from her observation perch, tapping her tablet "It's making your landings sloppy."
You bit back the urge to snap at her, Instead, you wiped sweat from your brow with the back of your hand, careful not to dislodge the EEG sensors plastered across your forehead- and nodded. "Got it. Less anticipation, more... trusting the robot."
"Again," she commanded, tapping her tablet. "From the obstacle course sequence."
The suit whirred to life around you, servos clicking into place as the neural interface pinged your motor cortex with its familiar electric tingle.
You'd gotten used to the sensation, mostly, though the first time it happened, you'd yelped and nearly kneed a grad student in the face.
"Obstacle course sequence initiated," chimed the suit's automated voice, cheerful, like it wasn't about to fling you face first at a plywood wall.
You took off at a jog, letting the suit's augmented strength propel you forward faster than your legs could manage alone.
The first hurdle- a stack of foam blocks- approached. You tensed instinctively, bracing for impact, but the suit's hydraulics kicked in at the last second, launching you cleanly over with a whir that vibrated through your bones.
"Better," Professor Ann called from the sidelines. "Now stop thinking like a human."
wow, real helpful, Ann.
You barely had time to process that utterly unhelpful advice before the next obstacle, a swinging pendulum rigged with pool noodles, came at you sideways.
The suit's reflexes were faster than yours, it twisted your torso out of the way before could.
And then-
A sharp, staticky burst of feedback crackled through the neural interface.
Your vision whited out for half a second, the HUD flickering wildly as the suit's systems stuttered.
You stumbled mid stride, the suit's left knee actuator locking up at the worst possible moment - right as you were supposed to vault over a platform.
Instead of a graceful arc, you faceplanted directly into a crash mat, the suit's weight pinning you like an overturned turtle.
"Ow," you wheezed.
A flurry of panicked grad students descended, poking at the suit's access panels while muttering about "feedback loops" and "neural load thresholds." Professor Ann sighed, rubbing her temples.
"We'll recalibrate," she announced, "Take five."
You lay there for a solid thirty seconds before mustering the energy to roll onto your back, staring up at the lab's lights. The suit's chest plate dug uncomfortably into your ribs, but at this point, you were too tired to care.
Your phone buzzed in the pocket of your leggings, a minor miracle you could reach it with the suit's gauntlets in the way. You fished it out.
A text from Jisung
Jisung: u alive? heard u joined a mecha fight club
You snorted, typing one handed
you: more like a mecha abuse club
Jisung: want me to stage a rescue? chan says we have duct tape
you: rempting. But I think Prof Ann would hunt you down.
Jisung: worth it.
You stared at the message, something warm curling in your chest. another text popped up
Jisung: seriously tho. u look dead in that insta story
You blinked. You hadn't posted anything—
then you get a notification that you were tagged in a story,
You clicked it.
There, in glorious 240p, was a video of you mid faceplant, captioned 'MY FRIEND IS A WARRIOR' with heart eye emojis.
It had been filmed from the lab's observation window, where Jisung, Changbin, and Chan were currently pressed against the glass like overgrown children at a zoo exhibit.
all three of them waved. you barely raised a gauntlet to wave back when professor Ann cleared her throat pointedly behind you. "Break's over."
You sighed, letting the grad students haul you upright as another round of calibrations began.
~
The university festival arrived soon enough. The robotics department had transformed their section of the quad into something resembling a tech expo - neon lit banners flapping over display tables crammed with prototypes, while the exosuit sat center stage.
You stood off to the side, tugging at the suit’s armored collar where it pinched your neck. “Remind me why I agreed to this again?”
Professor Ann didn’t look up from her tablet. “Because you enjoy having a GPA above 4.0.”
Nearby, Changbin materialized with a cotton candy stick the size of a small child. “So,” he said, mouth full of pink sugar, “you gonna, like, punch through a wall or something?”
You rolled your shoulders, or tried to, given the suit’s restrictive plating. "More like gently lift a cinderblock while Professor Ann narrates like it’s a nature documentary."
Changbin nodded. "ohhh, so educational trauma." He tore off a chunk of cotton candy and offered it to you. "Here. Sugar helps with existential dread."
You leaned forward to take it, nearly toppling sideways when the suit’s weight shifted unexpectedly. Changbin steadied you with a snort.
you glanced around, "Where are the other two, anyway?"
Changbin shrugged, mouth already full of another cotton candy bite. "Chan is nearby, dunno where Jisung is tho," He squinted at you. "Why? Miss him already?"
You swatted at him, nearly knocking over a display of mini robot arms. "Shut up. I just figured he'd want front row seats to watch me faceplant in a million dollar death suit."
Before Changbin could retort, Professor Ann clapped her hands. "Showtime! Places, people!"
The stage lights flared to life, nearly blinding you as a crowd of students and faculty gathered around the robotics exhibit.
You swallowed hard, the suit's neural interface tingling at the base of your skull, and stepped into position.
The demo started smoothly enough. You lifted the weighted cinderblocks (Professor Kim’s narration did sound like a nature documentary), executed a series of precision jumps that would’ve shattered your knees without the suit’s assistance, and even managed not to decapitate any bystanders with the suit’s articulated arm extensions. The crowd ooh'ed and aah'ed on cue.
Then came the "surprise" obstacle course segment — because Professor Ann had a thing for theatrics.
You gritted your teeth as the suit’s HUD flashed a new sequence 'evasive maneuvers initiated'.
The first hurdle was easy. The second, a sudden spray of water jets from the stage’s hidden nozzles, nearly sent you skidding into a group of horrified freshmen.
You recovered just in time to hear yunjin yell "STICK THE LANDING!" from the front row, cotton candy clutched in both her hands, closely resembling a cheerleader's pom poms.
And then-
A sharp, staticky burst of feedback crackled through the neural interface.
Your vision whited out for half a second, the HUD flickering wildly as the suit’s systems stuttered.
something was gonna go wrong.
You stumbled mid stride, the left knee actuator locking up just as you were supposed to vault over the final platform. you careened sideways, straight toward the exhibit’s main power grid.
Time slowed.
The crowd’s murmurs faded into white noise as your outstretched hand grazed the power console.
a high voltage power surge triggered a thermal runaway in the main power grid behind the stage. A fire was about to errupt.
Thick, black smoke erupted from the stage’s machinery, fire instantly filling the upper half of the pavilion. Screams erupted as the toxic cloud billowed outward.
"EVACUATE!" Professor Ann bellowed, already herding students back. "fire suppression system engaged!"
The automated sprinklers hissed to life, just as the security shutters began slamming down with a groan, cutting off exits.
You barely registered Changbin being yanked to safety by Chan before the nearest shutter sealed with a final clang, trapping you inside the smoke filled platform.
Alone.
Coughing, you fumbled for the suit’s emergency release, only for the neural interface to shriek another burst of feedback, locking the mechanisms.
The smoke burned your lungs with every ragged breath. Staggering backward, you collided with the half collapsed display behind you-
-just as the ceiling groaned ominously.
You looked up in time to see the steel framework buckling, the entire lighting rig teetering precariously.
"Well," you wheezed, blinking up at the collapsing ceiling through the smoke, "if I'm going to die, at least it's in a multimillion-dollar robo-coffin."
The suit's HUD flickered in agreement, or maybe it was just short circuiting. Either way, not ideal.
The ceiling groaned louder, steel beams creaking under the weight of compromised supports. You squeezed your eyes shut-
-and then something yanked you sideways with enough force to make your teeth clack together.
"Ow," you mumbled against a fabric covered chest as momentum sent you both skidding across the stage floor.
The impact knocked the breath from your lungs, but the arms around you were firm. When you pried your eyes open, the first thing you saw was a familiar red and blue suit sleeve.
Spiderman.
The idiot was holding you so tightly you could feel his heart hammering through the suit’s fabric. Smoke curled around his masked face as he quickly assessed the collapsing pavilion, one arm still locked around your waist.
he launched you both upward just as the ceiling fully gave way. The suit’s weight made the motion clumsier than his usual swings, and you barely had time to register the stomach dropping lurch before his web caught a still intact beam, yanking you sideways out of the debris path.
“Hold on—”
You didn’t get a chance to protest before he was maneuvering you both toward the nearest shutter, where the metal had buckled just enough to reveal a sliver of daylight.
The smoke was thicker here, clawing at your throat as Spiderman braced against the frame, muscles straining as he forced the gap wider with a grunt.
“Go, go, go—”
You barely scrambled free before the framework buckled behind you with a deafening crash. A strangled yelp cut through the noise - cut off too soon. Whirling around, you saw the shutter had snapped shut like a trap, pinning Spiderman’s torso beneath twisted steel. His fingers clawed at the gap, but the mechanism held fast.
"Hey- hey!" You dropped to your knees, grappling with the metal. It didn’t budge. Smoke curled from the seams, stinging your eyes as you yanked harder. "Stop playing dead and help me, you idiot!"
A weak cough answered you. Spiderman’s head lolled against the shutter, mask fogging unevenly with each labored breath.
When you finally wrenched the metal aside far enough to pull him free, his suit tore on jagged edges, revealing a gash along his ribs that oozed crimson down his side.
The exosuit's neural interface screamed warnings at you 'SYSTEM FAILURE, LOCK ENGAGED' but you slammed your forearm against the emergency release with enough force to break. Hydraulics hissed as the plating finally disengaged, clattering to the ground in pieces that probably cost more than your tuition.
You stumbled free just in time to see Spiderman's fingers slip from the shutter's edge.
"Don't you dare pass out on me," you snapped, dropping to your knees beside him. His breathing was ragged, mask clinging to his face where sweat and blood had glued it unevenly. Up close, the tear in his suit was worse - jagged metal had ripped through the fabric, exposing a deep gash that painted his side in alarming red streaks. Your fingers hovered uselessly before finding purchase on his shoulder. "Hey. Eyes open, c'mon"
Spiderman groaned, head lolling sideways. His gloved fingers twitched toward the wound before flopping back down. "'M'fine," he slurred, voice thick with pain. "Just... nap time."
A distant wail of sirens cut through the smoke. Fire department. EMTs. People who would absolutely not ignore a bleeding Spiderman sprawled in the wreckage.You grabbed his wrist and yanked. "Up. Now."
"Ow shit-" He scrambled upright with your help, one hand clamped over his ribs. The motion dislodged his mask slightly, revealing a sliver of bruised jawline you'd seen a hundred times. Your stomach dropped.
You didn’t have time to process it, not with sirens wailing closer, so you hooked his arm over your shoulders and half dragged, half carried him away from the wreckage.
The abandoned greenhouse behind the biology building was your only option - it was nearby, its broken windows and overgrown vines made it the perfect place to hide from the commotion outside.
You kicked the door open with your foot, nearly tripping over a pile of discarded plant trays as you hauled him inside.
Your knees gave out the second the door slammed shut behind you, sending both of you crashing onto the cracked tile floor.
Spiderman slumped against the glass wall with a pained hiss, his face bruised and cut beneath the half displaced mask.
You didn’t think. You grabbed the edge of his mask and yanked it off.
Han Jisung blinked up at you, dazed and bleeding and unmistakably himself.
his breath was laboured, so was yours, both of you struggling to catch your breaths and comprehend what just unfolded in the past 10 minutes.
"I wanted to tell you," he whispered, voice cracking. His fingers twitched toward yours but stopped short, "I swear I did."
The sheer absurdity of it, the late night library rescue, the perfect grades despite the exhaustion, jisung being the city’s savior - it hit you all at once.
Tears pricked your eyes, but a breathless, hysterical laugh escaped your throat. You were crying and laughing simultaneously, completely overwhelmed.
Jisung flinched. "Hey, hey, don’t cry, please don’t cry," he panicked, wincing as he tried to reach out. "Are you hurt? Did something hit you?"
You wiped your face with the back of your hand, "No, you absolute moron, I'm not hurt - you're the one bleeding all over the place!"
He blinked, then glanced down at his side like he’d forgotten about the gaping wound. "Oh. Right." His fingers prodded the edges before he winced and pulled them away. "Huh. That’s... more red than usual."
You grabbed the hem of your shirt , "Future of Robotics" in bold text printed in the center, professor Ann's stupid merch - you ripped a strip clean off with a tear.
Jisung’s eyes widened as you shoved the fabric against his side, pressing hard enough to make him yelp. "Ow-fuck- are you trying to finish the job?"
"Shut up," you muttered, fingers trembling as you knotted the makeshift bandage tight around his ribs.
The white fabric bloomed red almost instantly, but you tightened it further, ignoring his hissed curses. "You’re literally bleeding out, and your first instinct is to make a joke? Typical."
Jisung’s breath hitched when your fingers brushed a particularly nasty bruise. "Not a joke," he managed, voice strained. "Just - really bad at serious moments." His attempt at a grin faltered when you glared up at him, tear tracks still fresh on your cheeks. The humor drained from his face. "...You’re really mad, huh?"
"Mad?" Your laugh came out jagged. "I’m furious. You’ve been- what, swinging around campus this whole time? Letting me think Spiderman was some-some urban legend while you sat next to me?" Your voice cracked. "You let me argue with you about yourself."
Jisung winced. "Okay, when you say it like that-"
"You saved me," you interrupted, hands still fisted in the bloody fabric of his suit. "Twice. And then- what, just went back to making our project like nothing happened?"
His fingers twitched toward yours but stopped short. "I wanted to tell you," he admitted quietly. "Every damn day. But-" He exhaled sharply, wincing as the movement tugged his injury. "What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, by the way, I’m the guy you keep calling a fake on Twitter?'"
"You could’ve trusted me," you shot back.
"I do," he whispered. "More than anyone." His palm settled over yours where it pressed against his wound, "That’s why it hurt so much not to tell you."
The confession hung between you. Outside, sirens wailed, and the distant shouts of first responders filtered through the greenhouse glass.
Your breath stuttered. "You’re an idiot,"
Jisung’s laugh was breathless, pained. "Yeah," he agreed. His free hand lifted, hovering near your cheek. "I'm sorry."
You didn’t let him hesitate. Grabbing his wrist, you pressed his palm to your face. "I won't forgive you that easily," you muttered.
"I know, I'll work for it" he said, thumb wiping a tear away.
and then you leaned down and kissed him.
It was messy, your hands were bloody, his hands were bloody, but his gasp against your mouth was worth every second of confusion. His fingers cupped your face, pulling you closer like he’d wanted to do this for years. Maybe he had.
You broke away first, gasping for air, only for Jisung’s lips to chase yours clumsily, His fingers trying to pull you closer, tugging you back with a whimper that was equal parts desperation and pain.
"Wait-" he mumbled against your mouth, "I think I blacked out for a second- was that real or am I hallucinating from blood loss?"
You laughed, your forehead resting against his as his fingers trembled against your cheek. "It was real," you murmured, breath warm against his split lip. "You're not hallucinating."
Jisung blinked up at you, his lips twitched into a wobbly smile. "Hmm. I dunno." His thumb traced the curve of your cheekbone, "Might need another one, just to make sure."
you leaned in again, kissing him slower this time, letting him memorize the shape of your mouth on his.
His breath hitched when you nipped at his lower lip, and you felt the exact moment his brain short circuited, his grip on your waist slackened, then tightened again. When you pulled back, his dazed expression was priceless.
"...Okay," he breathed, licking his split lip absently. "Definitely real." His gaze dropped to your mouth again, lingering. "Also, wow, we should've done this sooner"
~
30 minutes after dragging Jisung to the greenhouse, Chan and Changbin found you both — Chan’s expression tight with worry, Changbin unusually silent as he took in the bloodied state of his roommate.
They didn’t ask questions. Chan simply slung Jisung’s arm over his shoulders while Changbin handed you his hoodie to cover the torn edges of your clothes. You watched them disappear before you turned toward the chaos of the main campus.
The quad was still swarming with paramedics and evacuated students when you pushed through the crowd. Yunjin spotted you first, her face crumpling in relief as she barreled you into a hug.
You let her fuss, nodding through her rapid - fire questions about smoke inhalation and whether you’d seen the structural collapse, but you offered no answers about where you’d been or who’d pulled you out.
The university issued a formal apology within hours, citing a critical system failure in the exosuit’s neural dampeners, and suspended all related projects indefinitely.
By evening, campus security had roped off the pavilion with yellow tape, and administrators granted you a week’s leave to recover, not that you needed it. Your bruises were superficial compared to the ones hidden beneath Jisung’s hastily bandaged ribs.
Across campus, Chan and Changbin had hauled a barely conscious Jisung back to their apartment through the service elevators, his suit stuffed into Changbin’s bag. They fussed over him like parents, then stitched him up with a first aid kit and a YouTube tutorial.
True to his enhanced biology, Jisung’s wounds closed faster than humanly possible- the deep gash along his ribs scarred over within three days, though the bruising lingered in ugly shades of yellow green.
The university excused his absence with a vague note about "lab accident trauma," which wasn’t entirely a lie.
He spent the first 48 hours sleeping off the worst of the pain, only waking when Changbin force fed him or when Chan changed his bandages.
You told Yunjin everything eventually.
Not the Spider-Man part - that was his secret to share, not yours - but the Jisung part. but you didn’t have to say much.
She wasn’t surprised.
“Oh my god,” Yunjin groaned, flopping backward onto your bed like you’d just confessed to something painfully obvious. “Finally. Do you know how exhausting it’s been watching you two?” she said, “You’ve been making heart eyes at each other since sophomore year.”
and three weeks later, the university had moved on from the festival disaster like any other. The wrecked pavilion was already half demolished, the exosuit project quietly scrubbed from the department website, and Professor Ann transferred to a research branch in Busan under suspiciously sudden circumstances.
the semester resumed, lectures, exams, studying, but for you, everything had shifted.
~
The tap against your window was barely audible- just three quick raps of knuckles against glass, You shoved your chair back with a smile and crossed the room in three strides. The window slid open with a quiet creak, letting in a gust of cool night air.
Spiderman was perched upside down on the fire escape, "Miss me?" he asked, swinging forward until his face was inches from yours.
You hummed, reaching forward to tug his mask down just enough to reveal his mouth, then leaned in and kissed him. His fingers scrambled against your windowsill for purchase, his gloves squeaking against the metal as you grabbed his face and deepened the kiss.
When you finally pulled away, he was breathless, still dangling by his knees, "You were gone for two hours," you deadpanned, but your hands reached for him, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit to tug him inside. He tumbled into your room.
"Two hours and seventeen minutes," he corrected, pulling flowers from behind his back with a flourish. "Which is exactly how long it took to track these down."
The bouquet was… well, it was something. A color cluster of wildflowers, dandelions, and what looked suspiciously like a handful of weeds yanked from a sidewalk crack, all tied together with a web string.
You stared at it. "You robbed a community garden?"
"Rude. I foraged." He shoved the flowers toward you insistently. "Also, I nearly got arrested. Show some appreciation."
You took the bouquet, your nose wrinkling as a ladybug crawled lazily across one of the petals. "They’re… vibrant."
"See? Vibrant." Jisung beamed, rocking onto his toes. "I knew you’d love them."
You snorted, turning to place the bouquet on your desk — gently, because despite the weeds and the ladybug, he’d tried, only to yelp when Jisung’s arms suddenly wrapped around your waist from behind. His chin dropped onto your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck as he nuzzled into the space just below your ear.
"Admit it," he murmured, his voice low and teasing. "You adore them."
You elbowed him lightly, but didn’t pull away. "I adore you" you muttered, then immediately regretted it when his grip tightened and you felt his grin against your skin.
"Knew that, too," he said smugly, pressing a kiss to the side of your throat that made your breath hitch. His hands slid up your sides, thumbs brushing the underside of your ribs through your thin shirt.
"Missed you," he added, quieter this time, lips moving against your throat, tracing a path up to your jawline that sent shivers down your spine.
You twisted in his arms, turning to face him just as his mouth found yours, impatient, he'd been waiting all night for this. His fingers tangled in your hair, tugging just hard enough to make you gasp against his mouth, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding against yours with a low, satisfied hum.
You giggled as Jisung’s lips trailed down your neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive spot just below your ear. "My roommate’s in the other room," you whispered, leaning into him despite yourself. "She’s sleeping."
Jisung paused, his breath hot against your skin. "Well," he murmured, dragging his mouth lower, "you’ve gotta be quiet then." His hands slid under your shirt, gloved fingers skimming your waist before hands tightened, lifting you effortlessly.
You barely had time to register the movement before your back hit the mattress, his body hovering over yours, "Quiet," he whispered, pressing a finger to your lips, though his own grin made it clear he had no intention of making that easy for you.
His mouth found yours again, swallowing your breathless laugh as his gloved hands slid beneath your shirt, then his mouth drifted lower, biting your lip to stifle a whimper when his teeth grazed your collarbone, lower, his tongue flicked over the peak of your breast through the fabric, and you dug your fingers into his hair, tugging impatiently.
"Jisung" you hissed, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Patience," he murmured against your skin, tho the way his hands trembled as they pushed your shirt up betrayed his own impatience. His lips followed the path of his fingers, kissing down your stomach until he reached the waistband of your shorts. He hooked his thumbs into them, glancing up at you with a look so openly hungry it made your pulse stutter.
"You’re sure?" he asked, his voice rough.
You nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes. Please."
The second the word left your lips, Jisung yanked your shorts and underwear down in one swift motion, tossing them somewhere over his shoulder without breaking eye contact, as he settled between your thighs. "You’re so pretty like this," he breathed, his thumbs brushing the inside of your knees, pushing them apart gently. "All worked up just ’cause of me."
Your face burned, but before you could retort, his mouth was on you, his tongue dragging a path that made your back arch off the bed.
You barely stifled a gasp, biting down on your lip as his hands tightened around your thighs, holding you open.
"Fuck," Jisung muttered against you, his voice wrecked, his breath uneven like he was the one unraveling. "Taste so good—"
The words dissolved into a groan when your fingers twisted in his hair, tugging hard enough to make his hips jerk. His answering laugh was breathless, uneven, his lips curving against you as he doubled down, tongue flicking over you in a way that made your legs shake.
his mouth was *relentless, teasing and coaxing until your grip on his hair turned desperate, his mouth never faltering as he swallowed every sound you tried - and failed - to stifle.
"You- ah -I'm gonna-" The warning barely escaped your lips before Jisung's fingers tightened around your thighs, pinning you down as his tongue swirled faster. Your back arched off the bed, a strangled gasp tearing free as you came, his name half choked in your throat.
he didn't let up for a second, dragging out every shuddering pulse until your legs twitched violently against his shoulders, your fingers yanking his head back.
he crawled up your body, wiping his mouth with the back of his glove, still wearing the damn suit, before leaning down to kiss you, deep and so filthy, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
you felt him rolling his hips against yours. The fabric of his suit was frustratingly thick, but you could still feel the heat of him pressing against your thigh, "Still with me?" he murmured, nipping at your jaw when you didn’t answer fast enough.
You grabbed his face, pulling him down into another kiss, his breath hitching when you rolled your hips up against him, the friction drawing a ragged groan from his throat.
“Still with you,” you muttered against his lips, your fingers already working at the hidden zipper of his suit. “But this stupid thing needs to go.”
Jisung let you zip the suit down to his waist. The second his bare skin met yours, he shuddered, his hands gripping your waist, “You’re killing me,” he mumbled against your neck.
You reached between you, wrapping your hand around him, and the noise he made sent a thrill straight to your core. His forehead dropped to your shoulder, his breath coming in short, uneven bursts as you stroked him slowly, relishing the way his muscles tensed under your touch.
“Jisung,” you whispered, “you’re so loud.”
Jisung's head snapped up, his face flushed "I'm" he started, but his protest dissolved into a gasp when your thumb swiped over the head of his cock. His hips jerked forward involuntarily, "oh- fuck," he hissed, his voice cracking.
Jisung’s breath hitched when you tightened your grip, his hips stuttering against your hand. His eyes flickered shut for a fraction of a second before snapping open again, "You-" he started, voice strangled, but you just smirked, slowing your strokes.
"Oh, sorry," you whispered, feigning innocence. "Am I distracting you, Spiderman?"
That did it. Jisung’s fingers clamped around your wrist, wrenching your hands away and pinning them above your head with one hand.
Before you could react, his other hand flicked out - thwip - and suddenly your wrists were bound together by a thin strand of webbing, stuck fast to the headboard. You yanked instinctively, but the silk held firm.
"Cheater," you hissed, glaring up at him through your lashes.
"You started it," he murmured, dragging his free hand down your torso, fingertips skating where you wanted him most. His thumb hooked into the hem of your shirt, tugging it up until the fabric bunched under your bound arms. "Now you get to lie there and take it."
His fingers suddenly dipped into you, curling, and you arched off the bed with a strangled moan. "Told you to be quiet," he murmured, "want me to web your mouth too?".
His fingers withdrew before you could answer back, leaving you clenching around nothing, and you barely had time to whimper before he was lining himself up, the head of his cock dragging through your slick with a filthy, wet sound.
His hips jerked forward once, just a teasing press, enough to make your breath hitch - before he stilled, "Fuck," he muttered, his voice ragged. "Gimme a second - fuck -"
You rolled your hips impatiently, earning a choked groan from him as his grip on your waist tightened. "Jisung," you hissed, nails scraping uselessly against the webbing binding your wrists. "If you don’t move-"
He cut you off with a sharp thrust, burying himself to the hilt in one motion. The noise he made was downright embarrassing, his hips stuttering as he adjusted to the feeling. "God," he panted, his breath hot against your skin. "You feel so, fuck-"
His words dissolved into a groan as he pulled out slowly, only to slam back in with enough force to jolt the bedframe against the wall. You bit down on your lip hard, stifling a cry as he set a punishing pace, his hips snapping forward with a rhythm that left you seeing stars.
The webbing held firm, keeping you pinned beneath him as he fucked you with single minded intensity, his breath coming in ragged bursts against your collarbone.
one sharp thrust forced a moan from your lips before you could bite it back - loud, embarrassingly loud - and Jisung’s hand slapped over your mouth instantly, his fingers pressing hard enough to muffle the sound.
"Quiet," he whispered, but his hips didn’t slow - if anything, the pace turned meaner, each snap of his hips deliberate and punishing. "Roommate’s sleeping, remember?"
You whimpered against his palm, your back arching off the bed as he angled his hips just right, hitting that spot inside you that made your vision blur. his own control fraying at the edges as he fucked you into the mattress.
"Fuck - fuck - you feel so good," he muttered, his forehead dropping to your shoulder. His fingers flexed against your mouth, his other hand gripping your hip hard.
Jisung’s hand slid from your mouth to your throat, his fingers pressing just enough to take your breath away, his thumb brushing the line of your jaw as he leaned down, “Close?” he murmured, his hips never slowing their relentless pace.
You nodded frantically, your breath coming in short, uneven gasps as his cock dragged against that spot inside you with every thrust. The webbing around your wrists tugged taut with every movement, keeping you pinned beneath him, utterly at his mercy.
“Yeah?” he breathed, his hips stuttered, his rhythm faltering for just a second. “Gonna cum for me?” His free hand slid between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit, rubbing tight, frantic circles that made your back arch off the bed.
You couldn’t answer - couldn’t think - just clenched around him with a muffled cry, your thighs shaking as pleasure crashed over you in waves. Jisung swore under his breath, his fingers tightening around your throat just slightly as he fucked you through it, his hips losing their rhythm entirely as he chased his own release.
"Gonna - fuck - gonna cum too," Jisung gasped, his rhythm faltered completely then, his thrusts turning erratic, desperate .
His forehead dropped to your shoulder with a ragged whimper, his hips jerked forward one last time, burying himself to the hilt. You felt him pulse inside you, his whole body trembling with the force of his release.
Jisung slumped against you, his breath still ragged against your collarbone, his fingers flexing weakly against your throat before sliding up to cradle your jaw instead. His thumb traced the curve of your cheekbone, his touch gentle compared to the way he absolutely rocked your shit just now.
"You okay?" he murmured, his voice hoarse.
You let out a shaky breath, your wrists tugging instinctively against the webbing still binding them. "Pretty sure you just short circuited my brain there," you admitted, your voice equally wrecked.
Jisung let out a tired laugh, his nose scrunched up adorably - adorably, god, when had you started thinking of him like that? - as he pressed a sloppy kiss to your cheek. "Mission accomplished,"
Your wrists twisted slightly against the sticky webbing, the thin silk strands flexing but refusing to give. "Jisung," you muttered, wincing at the dull ache in your arms from being pinned above your head for so long. "This hurts. set me free."
His smile faltered immediately. A flicker of panic darted across his face as he sat up, suddenly nervous. "Uh." He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your eyes. "Yeah, about that."
You narrowed your eyes. "About that?"
"The - uh - the webbing," he admitted, wincing preemptively like he expected you to throw something at him. "It... doesn’t dissolve for, like... an hour?"
Your jaw dropped. "An hour?"
Jisung scrambled upright, his hands flying up in mock surrender "Okay, okay! Before you kill me-" he started, then paused, reconsidering. "When you kill me- I swear I have a solution. Kind of. Maybe."
You yanked at the webbing again, the strands stretching slightly but refusing to budge. "What kind of solution?" you hissed through gritted teeth.
He bit his lip, "So... I've been working on this solvent? For emergencies? Like, if I accidentally web someone who isn't a criminal, or-"
"Jisung."
“Okay, so the solvent is back at my dorm. Which, uh. Isn’t here.”
You stared at him. “You’re joking.”
“I wish,” he groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “Look, I can swing back real quick-”
“You are not leaving me like this,” you hissed, twisting against the webbing for emphasis. The strands held firm, sticking stubbornly to your wrists and the headboard. “What if my roommate wakes up?”
Jisung blanched. “Oh. Right.” He glanced at the door, then back at you, his expression shifting from panic to something close to amusement. “So... we wait?”
“We wait?” you repeated, incredulous. “Jisung, I am naked and stuck to my own bed.”
“.....skill issue?”
you end up waiting the entire hour. with jisung serving as a very poor distraction to the the ache blooming in your arms and shoulders.
~
The university’s digital bulletin board flickered to life at exactly 9 am, updating the semester’s final rankings. You stood frozen in front of the screen, backpack dangling precariously off one shoulder.
your eyes skimmed over the results, your name in first place with a 100% next to it, followed by Jisung with a 98%.
A beat of silence. Then-
“No way,” you blurted, so loud it echoed off the empty hallway walls.
Behind you, a familiar weight slumped against your back, Jisung’s chin hooking over your shoulder as he squinted at the screen. “Huh,” he said, voice dripping with exaggerated contemplation. “That’s weird.”
You whirled around, “Huh? That’s all you have to say?”
Jisung shrugged, his lips twitching into that infuriatingly smug grin you’d spent years wanting to wipe off his face, though now, you had far more effective methods than stomping on his foot.
“I mean, congrats,” he said, leaning in until his nose brushed yours. “Enjoy your victory lap, genius. It’s not gonna last.”
You rolled your eyes, “Keep telling yourself that, Spiderboy.”
“Spiderman,” he corrected, flicking your forehead before dancing out of reach. “And don’t think this means you get to slack off. I’m watching you.” He mimed narrowing his eyes, pointing two fingers at his own eyes, then at you.
You lunged for him, but Jisung dodged effortlessly, freakishly fast - your wrist with a laugh and tugging you flush against his chest. His fingers slid between yours, “Seriously,” he murmured, voice softer now, “I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah, well,” you muttered, ducking your head to hide the flush creeping up your neck. “Turns out I can focus when a certain idiot isn’t yapping in my ear.”
“Wow. Wow.” he gasped dramatically, clutching his chest like you’d shot him. “After everything we’ve been through? The trauma? The bonding? You wound me.”
You snorted, shoving him away “Go lick your wounds in silence,” you said, turning on your heel toward the lecture hall. “I have a victory lap to take.”
a/n: I proofread this at the mall after my friend stood me up when I was ALREADY THERE, anyway, it's done! I had so much fun with spiderhan, hope u did too!!
or: you don't believe that spiderman is real. who would believe that a masked vigilante just popped out of nowhere, started shooting webs and swinging through Seoul saving people, in spandex?? and most of all, you wouldn't believe that said "spiderman" would have any correlation with han jisung, that's just a load of nonsense!
in other words..: look, in jisung's defense, he didnt mean to get bit by a genetically modified spider. but he did, so now he's stuck with the superhuman side effects, a superhero persona, and his roommates constantly covering for him. and hey, he doesn't mind a sprinkle of chaos into his life. he's actually glad he got this alter ego, a version of himself that does good for other people, y'know...saving the city, and one that he can maybe impress you with, since his original self is stuck being your academic rival that you can't stand even if you were paid.
warnings: academicrival!jisung x reader, college au, nerdsung + nerd!reader, slowburn, eventual smut (not in this chapter), 3racha as roommates, Yunjin as your bsf and roommate, references from multiple spiderman movies, innuendos, profanity, college slop, caffeine slop, group project slop, party slop, talks of biotech and robotics that are probably false (research was poorly done), some action scenes, some injuries and blood loss (not in this chapter), reader is an academic weapon and doesn't catch a break, cameos of other members, crack, fluff, banter, no angst at all because Im sensitive, probably a heck ton of typos.
wc: 14k
part ll
98%.
The number glared up at you from the paper.
it's a good grade, objectively a great one. but there had to be a mistake - you’d stayed up three nights straight reviewing every possible permutation of the material. Your notes had been immaculate. You’d even rewritten them twice just to be sure.
Behind you, someone cleared their throat. you braced yourself for whatever annoying thing Jisung was about to say.
"Oof," Jisung said, leaning over your shoulder. "Ninety eight? I mean, close enough."
His own test fluttered into your peripheral vision, 100%. Of course.
"Better luck next time," he added. His voice was light, teasing - a tone he’d used since freshman year whenever he edged you out by fractions of a point.
You exhaled through your nose, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, you shoved your test into your bag, zipping it shut.
Jisung didn’t take the hint. He never did. He propped his hip against your desk, grinning as he watched you pack up.
"Don’t worry," Jisung continued, "I’ll let you copy my notes next time."
You finally looked up at him - his stupidly perfect face, his stupidly smug grin, stupidly big framed glasses.
"Like hell I’d copy your chicken scratch," you muttered, shoving your chair back harder than necessary. making its legs screech against the floor.
Jisung’s grin widened. "y'know, if you actually got enough sleep instead of staying up all night-"
You stood up and stomped on his foot, hard.
He yelped, hopping backward with exaggerated agony. "Ow! What was that for?"
You didn’t dignify him with an answer. You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked off without a backward glance.
Behind you, Jisung’s dramatic whining faded into the background noise of the lecture hall, punctuated by a burst of laughter from somewhere near the exit. You didn’t need to look to know it was Changbin, doubled over with amusement while Chan stood beside him, hand resting on the strap of his bag, waiting patiently.
The three of them had been inseparable since their second year of high school, when Chan, already broad shouldered and responsible beyond his years, had stepped between a scrawny, loudmouthed Jisung who'd just learned curse words and a group of seniors looking for an easy target.
Changbin, who’d been watching the confrontation from a nearby bench, had tossed a water bottle at the ringleader’s head mid threat. The resulting chaos had somehow ended with all three of them in detention, and that was where their friendship formed.
By graduation, the three of them had already cemented their fate - Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were a package deal, an inseparable trio that had somehow survived four years of high school without murdering each other.
So when university acceptance letters rolled in, the decision was already made, they’d stick together, signing a lease for a cramped apartment near campus before the ink on their diplomas had even dried.
And then there was you.
Orientation week had been the beginning of it all, though you hadn’t realized it at the time.
You hadn’t noticed Jisung at first during orientation. Not really. He’d been just another face in the crowd, another overeager freshman with bad posture and a laugh too loud.
as for him though, he had a stupid, undeniable crush on you.
he tried to talk to you, you’d been too busy rearranging your schedule to register his existence - some mumbled joke about the professor’s hair that you’d brushed off with a polite smile before walking away.
Another time, still during orientation, he’d lingered near your seat after the icebreaker games, hovering like he expected you to acknowledge him. You hadn’t.
What had caught your attention was the first exam. You’d walked out of that lecture hall certain you’d aced it, only to find your name one spot below his on the results board.
he'd realized then that you're probably a perfectionist, and that you did not like being in second place. you never were in second place, ever since high school.
he became your competition from then.
Jisung noticed the shift immediately. He could’ve backed off. He didn’t. Instead, he leaned into it.
It wasn’t that he wanted you to hate him. He just wanted you to look at him.
Don't get him wrong, he did try to befriend you, but when that ended in inevitable failure, he opted for his last option, the one thing guaranteed to make you react, relentless, obnoxious teasing. If you couldn’t stand him, at least you’d notice him.
It worked better than he’d expected.
three years later, and Han Jisung was still the single most irritating person you'd ever met.
~
The sound of the apartment door jolted Jisung awake. He blinked at the ceiling, groggy and disoriented, sunlight already painting stripes across his unmade bed.
His phone lay facedown on the floor where he’d tossed it last night. He fumbled for it, thumb smearing against the screen as he squinted at the time, 9:47 AM.
"Shit."
Jisung groaned, rubbing his face with both hands as the pieces clicked together - his snoozed alarm, the muffled knocking he'd sleepily batted away earlier, Chan had tried. Chan had definitely tried to wake him up.
Jisung rolled out of bed, scrambling upright, one hand already tugging his hoodie over his head while the other fumbled for his backpack.
He was not gonna be that late if he decided to take a short cut. And so he did.
Cutting through the science building was a gamble, technically off limits to non majors before noon, but Jisung had long since memorized the janitor’s schedule.
He ducked under a half raised security gate, sidestepping a cart of lab equipment as he beelined for the west exit. His footsteps echoed too loudly in the empty hallway, but he didn’t slow down - not until a sharp clang from an adjacent lab made him skid to a halt.
Jisung turned his head just in time to see a door marked 'BIOTECH RESEARCH - AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY' swing shut, the tail end of a lab coat disappearing behind it.
He hesitated for half a second, before the distant chime of the campus clock tower rang. He was so late.
Jisung shouldn’t have been there.
The lock mechanism whirred as he hovered near the entrance, the distant hum of machinery inside prickling at his ears. Curiosity had always been his fatal flaw.
He glanced over his shoulder. The hallway was empty.
The door hissed open with a nudge of his shoulder, just wide enough for him to slip through. The lab was a maze of steel tables and humming equipment, bathed in the sterile glow of overhead LEDs.
Glass tanks lined the far wall, their murky contents swirling with movement - something skittered behind the frosted glass, too fast to track. spiders.
"Cool," he muttered, stepping further inside.
Jisung's fingers hovered over the nearest microscope, its lens gleaming under the lab lights. The surface was cool to the touch. Before he could explore more, a sharp click from the far end of the room froze him mid reach. His breath hitched. The sound wasn't mechanical. It was footsteps.
He ducked behind a lab bench, his knee connecting painfully with a drawer handle. He bit his tongue to keep from swearing.
Through the gap between two beakers, he could just make out the silhouette of a researcher - tall, white coated, absorbed in a clipboard. The man moved methodically down the row of specimens, pausing occasionally to adjust dials or scribble notes.
When the researcher turned toward a computer terminal, Jisung seized his chance. He crab walked backward, keeping low, until his shoulder bumped into something decidedly not a lab table. it was one of the glass tanks from earlier.
The container wobbled. He lunged to steady the glass before it could shatter and give away his presence that was not allowed in this lab, but his palm slipped against the condensation slick surface. The lid shifted with a silent clink.
A spider the size of a quarter dropped onto his wrist.
Jisung's entire body locked up. The spider's legs were needle thin, its body an unnatural shade of iridescent blue that shimmered under the lab lights.
For a suspended second, neither of them moved - Jisung paralyzed by instinctive revulsion, the spider crouched like a coiled spring. Then it bit him.
The pain was sharp and sudden, Jisung clamped his free hand over his mouth to smother the yelp threatening to escape. The researcher's footsteps paused.
"Who's there?"
Jisung froze. His wrist burned where the spider's fangs had pierced his skin, the pain radiating up his arm in slow, crawling waves.
The spider twitched between his fingers, its iridescent body pulsing unnaturally as he pinched it. For a split second, he considered tossing it aside - but the memory of its bite made his stomach twist.
Without thinking, he squished it between his finger, killing it.
Jisung grimaced, wiping his hand against his pants as the researcher's footsteps grew louder. He ducked lower behind the lab bench. A clipboard clattered onto the table above him, followed by the metallic click of a pen. The researcher muttered something under his breath - numbers, maybe, or measurements - before his shoes squeaked against the floor, turning away.
Jisung exhaled silently through his nose. His wrist throbbed. The bite mark was already red, the skin around it blotchy and hot to the touch. He flexed his fingers experimentally, half expecting his hand to lock up, but aside from the sting, nothing seemed immediately wrong.
The researcher's footsteps faded toward the far end of the lab. Jisung waited ten seconds before risking a glance over the edge of the bench. The man's back was turned, his attention fixed on a row of specimen jars. Jisung didn't wait. He walked backward until his shoulders hit the wall, then slid along it toward the door, keeping low.
The door clicked open just enough for him to slip through. He didn't look back.
The hallway was still empty. Jisung broke into a sprint, rounding the corner just as the lab door groaned shut behind him.
By the time he burst through the science building's side exit, the pain in his wrist had dulled to a steady ache. The sunlight hit his face, momentarily blinding him. He blinked, disoriented, before his phone buzzed violently in his pocket.
Changbin's name flashed across the screen.
Jisung fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it as Changbin's second call lit up the screen. He swiped to answer just as a cyclist swerved around him, yelling something unflattering about his lack of spatial awareness.
"Where the hell are you?" Changbin's voice crackled through the speaker.
He rolled his wrist experimentally, half expecting a jolt of pain, but only a dull ache remained. strange, but not alarming enough to mention.
"Chill, I'm literally two minutes away," Jisung huffed into the phone, sidestepping a group of freshmen clustered around a campus map.
Jisung skidded to a halt outside the lecture hall, his sneakers squeaking against the polished floor as he yanked the door open. Twenty pairs of eyes swiveled toward him - including yours, narrowed with undisguised irritation from the front row.
The professor paused mid sentence, her laser pointer flickering against the projection screen.
"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Han," she said dryly.
Jisung flashed her a grin "Traffic was brutal."
The professor arched an eyebrow. "You live on campus."
"Exactly."
Jisung collapsed into the empty seat next to you with a sigh. Conveniently, there were no other free seats.
The professor resumed her lecture, but Jisung wasn't listening. His fingers drummed restlessly against the desk, his knee bouncing so fast it blurred. You gritted your teeth.
"Would you stop?" you hissed under your breath, jabbing your pen toward his twitching leg.
Jisung blinked at you like he'd forgotten you were there. "Stop what?"
"That." You gestured pointedly at his knee, "You're shaking the entire row."
He glanced down, as if surprised by his own body. "Huh."
Jisung blinked again, his fingers stilling mid tap against the desk. "Oh. Sorry."
He stopped. His knee went still. His fingers curled into a loose fist against the desk. Even his breathing seemed to slow, like he was consciously holding himself in check.
The professor's lecture droned on, but you couldn't focus. Your peripheral vision kept catching on Jisung's unnaturally still form.
Then he sneezed.
The sound was sharp, explosive, and entirely too loud for the lecture hall. Half the class jumped. The professor paused mid sentence, her laser pointer flickering off the screen. Jisung sniffled, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.
"Bless you," you muttered automatically.
Jisung turned his head so fast you heard his neck crack. "Thanks," he whispered back. His voice was hoarse, like he'd been yelling earlier - though you couldn't remember hearing him speak at all today.
The strangeness of it prickled at your neck. Jisung didn't whisper. He didn't apologize. And he certainly didn't stop fidgeting for twenty straight minutes.
weird
~
after lectures, you were supposed to be studying.
Keyword: supposed.
Currently, your textbook lay abandoned as Yunjin scrolled through her phone, legs kicked up onto the library table in direct violation of at least three campus rules.
"I swear to god," she muttered, stabbing her screen, "if Professor Kang assigns one more reading—" she cut herself off with a sigh.
"I'll drop out," Yunjin announced, tossing her phone onto the table. "I'll move to a remote island. Raise goats. Never think about electron configurations again."
You snorted, flipping a page in your textbook without absorbing a single word. "You'd cry over the first goat that liked someone else better."
"Excuse you, I'm extremely likable-" Yunjin's protest cut off mid-sentence as she caught you glancing sideways for the third time in five minutes.
"Ohhhh. That's why you're failing to absorb basic chemistry. Distracted by your archnemesis over there."
You stiffened. "I don't know what you're—"
"Han Jisung," Yunjin sing songed, nodding toward the table where Jisung was slumped over a pile of notebooks, dead asleep.
His cheek was pressed against an open textbook, one arm dangling off the edge of the table, the side of his wrist adorned with what looked like a nasty bruise. A thin line of drool connected his mouth to a page. "You were staring at that."
"I was not staring," you hissed, slamming your textbook shut . Several students at nearby tables startled. Jisung didn't even twitch. "I was just—"
"Admiring his scholarly dedication?" Yunjin smirked, kicking her feet down from the table. "Or maybe his impressive drool radius?"
"I was wondering how someone who sleeps through every lecture still manages to ace every exam."
As if on cue, Jisung shifted in his sleep, his dangling arm swinging. he nearly toppled him sideways out of his chair. Your body reacted before your brain could stop it, half standing, hand outstretched - only to freeze when he somehow righted himself without waking.
Yunjin's eyebrows shot up. "Wow."
"Wow what?" You dropped back into your seat, face burning.
"Nothing," she said, stretching the word into three syllables. "Just never realized you cared so much about Jisung's spinal health."
"I just didn't want to witness a concussion in the library."
Yunjin grinned, kicking you lightly under the table. "Uh huh. Sure. That's definitely why you looked ready to dive across three tables like a superhero." She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. "You secretly like him."
You choked on air. "Like him? Are you insane? He's—" You gestured wildly toward Jisung's sleeping form. "—that. That's what he is. A menace. A sleeping menace."
"Aw, but look how peaceful he is," Yunjin cooed, feigning innocence. "Like a little angel."
At that exact moment, Jisung snorted loudly in his sleep, mumbled something unintelligible, and promptly face planted directly onto his textbook. You winced. Yunjin burst out laughing.
He lifted his head blearily, blinked at the drool smeared page stuck to his cheek, then promptly slumped back down without a single coherent thought behind his eyes.
Yunjin wiped tears from her cheeks, still giggling. "Oh my god. He's adorable."
"You're delusional," you muttered, shoving your notebook into your backpack. The zipper caught on a loose page, and you yanked it free with a frustrated huff. "Let's get lunch before I have to listen to any more of this."
Yunjin’s eyes lit up suddenly, "Oh! Right," she said, snapping her fingers as you shoved the last of your notebooks into your bag. "You’re coming with me to that party tonight."
You blinked. "What party?"
"The one hyunjin’s throwing at his apartment," she said, as if this were obvious. "The one I told you about last week."
"You absolutely did not."
She waved a hand dismissively. "Semantics. Anyway, after lunch, we’re going back to our dorm so you can try on at least three outfits before I approve one."
You groaned, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. "No way. I have actual responsibilities."
Yunjin stood, shoving her phone into her pocket "Nope. You’ve been holed up in the library for weeks. You’re coming, and you’re going to socialize, and you’re going to like it." She paused, then added with a smirk, "Unless you’d rather stay here and stare at Jisung some more."
You nearly tripped over your own feet. "What? I wasn’t—"
"Uh huh." She linked her arm through yours, steering you toward the library exit "lunch first, outfits second, party third. No arguments."
You dug your heels in halfway to the door. "What if I want to argue? - who the hell even hosts a party on a school night-"
Yunjin sighed dramatically, turning to face you with a look of exaggerated pity. "Sweet, naive, delusional you. When have your arguments ever worked on me?"
"...Never."
"Exactly." She patted your cheek. "Now move. I’m starving."
You did end up going according to Yunjin’s plans - not that you had a choice, given she’d physically dragged you out of the library, then out of your dorm.
to top it all off, you had to wait for her because if you didn't, there'd be no one to take her drunk ass home, and you'd end up finding her in a ditch somewhere next morning.
so you had to wait till the asscrack of the night to take her home because no matter how un enjoyable a party is, you were not a bad friend.
and you were gonna be so late tomorrow.
~
The blaring alarm tore Jisung from his sleep this time. He gasped awake, limbs tangled in sheets that felt suspiciously sticky - had he spilled something last night? His hand shot out blindly toward the nightstand, fingers slapping against anything but his phone.
The alarm continued shrieking. Jisung groaned, pawing at the edge of his nightstand until his fingertips brushed warm metal. He grabbed his phone and hit the screen repeatedly-
The screen cracked under Jisung's fingers with a pop when he swiped to turn off the alarm. not a full shatter, but a spiderweb of fractures radiating from his thumbprint.
He blinked at it, sleep fogged brain struggling to process why his phone screen suddenly broke just from a few taps of his finger.
The display still functioned beneath the damage, the time, 8:15AM, visible through the splintered glass. Jisung flexed his fingers. He hadn't pushed that hard. Had he?
Jisung frowned, pushing himself up onto his elbows. The cracked phone screen wasn't the only thing that felt off, his head throbbed like he'd pulled an all nighter.
He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, fingers fumbling with the frames in his haste.
The moment he slid them on, the world tilted.
Everything blurred into a nauseating smear of colors and shapes - like someone had smeared Vaseline across his lenses.
Jisung ripped the glasses off his face. The world snapped into focus, he could see perfectly without his glasses. He blinked rapidly. His vision hadn't been this clear since elementary school.
"What the fuck," he whispered, turning his hands over in front of his face. The calluses on his fingertips stood out in stark relief, the whorls of his fingerprints unnervingly detailed.
He rubbed his eyes hard till he saw colors and shapes behind his eyelids, but when he opened them again, his dorm room remained horrifically, impossibly sharp.
Jisung exhaled slowly through his nose and tossed the glasses onto the nightstand - they landed with a clatter, one temple arm snapping off completely.
His wrist itched. The bite mark from yesterday was gone.
Jisung rolled out of bed, his feet hitting the floor with an audible thud that made the loose change on his nightstand rattle.
He stretched, arms arching high above his head - and froze mid yawn when he heard the distinctive rrrip of fabric.
His sleep addled brain registered two things at once, the sudden draft across his shoulders, and the fact that his favorite hoodie, the one he’d slept in last night, now had a gaping tear along the seam.
He blinked down at himself. The fabric clung to his torso in ways it never had before, stretched taut across shoulders that suddenly looked broader. His biceps pressed against the sleeves, the cuffs riding up his wrist like they’d shrunk in the wash.
Jisung frowned and tugged at the hem. It didn’t budge.
his full length mirror confirmed it. His reflection stared back at him - same messy hair, same sleep creased cheek, but it was like he hit a second puberty overnight.
The hoodie that used to hang loose now hugged every contour of his torso, the fabric straining across his chest when he inhaled.
he took his hoodie off - since when did he have abs?? he was met with whole six pack. he even counted them.
he prodded at his own bicep experimentally, half expecting it, I don't know, deflate? It didn’t.
The bedroom door creaked open - Chan appearing at the doorway, "I swear to god, if you're still asleep-" His threat died halfway out of his mouth when he saw Jisung.
Jisung stood frozen in front of the mirror, shirtless and wide eyed, one hand still gripping the torn remains of his hoodie. The morning light caught the sharp new definition of his shoulders, the lean muscle coiled along his arms like he'd spent the last six months living in a gym.
"...Did you steal Changbin's protein shakes?"
Jisung whipped around "What? No! I just-" His voice cracked. He cleared his throat. "I woke up like this."
Chan stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind him with his heel. His gaze flickered over Jisung's torso - the previously soft lines of his stomach now taut, the faint shadows of ribs replaced by something decidedly more athletic.
Chan reached out and poked Jisung's bicep with two fingers. It felt like pressing against granite.
"Ow," Jisung lied automatically, then blinked. "Wait. That didn't actually hurt."
Chan's eyebrows raised. "You're telling me you went to bed and woke up as-" He gestured vaguely at Jisung's entire existence. "-whatever this is?"
A beat of silence. Then, from the hallway, "If you two are having a moment, I'm throwing myself off the window." Changbin's voice, muffled through the door.
Chan ignored him. "Did you take something? Experimental pre workout? Sketchy supplements from the gym bros?"
Jisung's fingers twitched toward his wrist - where the spider bite had been. The skin was smooth. "I might have... broken into the biotech lab yesterday."
Chan's expression grew even more confused. "okay...?"
The bedroom door slammed open before Jisung could answer. Changbin stood in the threshold, mouth already open to ask why the hell they were whispering with the door closed - then his eyes landed on Jisung’s bare torso. His eyebrows shot up. "Woah. What happened to you?"
Jisung threw his hands in the air, "I know! I woke up like - okay listen," he took a deep breath,
"yesterday I was late, like super late, so I took a shortcut through the science building even though I’m technically banned from the biotech wing after the centrifuge incident—"
Changbin mouthed 'centrifuge incident?' at Chan, who pinched the bridge of his nose.
"-and then I heard this noise from the restricted lab, right? So obviously I had to check it out-"
"You didn’t have to," Chan groaned.
"and there was this spider, this huge freaky blue one, in a tank that I maybe knocked over-"
"You knocked over-"
"-and it bit me! Right here!" Jisung brandished his unmarked wrist, "It hurt like hell yesterday but now it’s gone and suddenly I can see everything without my glasses and I just ripped my favorite hoodie like it was tissue paper-" He demonstrated by grabbing the hem of his remaining sleeve and tugging. The fabric split with a sound like tearing paper.
Changbin's mouth dropped open. Chan's blinked in disbelief.
"Okay," Chan said very slowly, "So you're telling me a genetically modified spider bit you, and now you're..." He gestured vaguely at Jisung's new physique. "This?"
Jisung flexed his arms experimentally. His biceps jumped under his skin "I mean, when you say it like that-"
Changbin suddenly lunged forward and punched Jisung square in the stomach - or tried to. His fist connected with what felt like solid concrete instead of soft flesh.
Jisung didn't even flinch. Changbin yelped, shaking out his hand. "Holy shit, dude. That's not normal."
Jisung looked down at his own abdomen, prodding the spot Changbin had hit. "Didn't feel anything." His voice went unnervingly quiet. "Should I be freaking out?"
Chan grabbed Jisung's shoulders - or attempted to, before his fingers slipped off the unexpected slope of muscle. "You shouldn't be able to bench press a car after one spider bite!"
"Technically I haven't tried that yet-"
The alarm on Jisung’s shattered phone blared again, 8:45AM, and Chan visibly flinched. “Shit. Class starts in fifteen.”
Changbin was already halfway out the door, yelling over his shoulder, “I’m not getting marked absent because you two want to dissect Jisung’s sudden glow up!”
Chan walked out of Jisung's room too, coming back after a moment,
"Here," Chan grunted, tossing a black hoodie at Jisung's face. It smelled faintly of fabric softener and Chan's inexplicably expensive cologne. "It's the biggest one I've got. Don't pop the seams."
~
Jisung reached campus a full minute before Chan and Changbin, his sneakers skidding to a halt outside the lecture hall with unnatural ease.
His lungs barely burned, just a pleasant warmth where there should have been heaving breaths.
He turned, bouncing on his toes while waiting for his roommates to catch up, when a sudden prickle raced down his spine. His scalp tingled.
Something was about to happen.
The prickle exploded into full body alarm a half second before the weight hit him.
Jisung spun without thinking - his hands snapping up just as you tripped. His palm connected with your shoulder an instant before you would have face planted into his chest.
The force should have sent both of you crashing to the ground, but Jisung didn’t budge an inch - just absorbed the impact like you weighed nothing.
Your coffee wasn’t so lucky, The cup slipped from your grip. Jisung’s free hand shot out, snatching it mere inches from the ground. Hot liquid sloshed against the inside of the lid but didn’t spill. He held it there, frozen, your shoulder still cradled in his other hand, both of you staring at each other in stunned silence.
Up close, you could see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes - something you’d never noticed before.
“You-” you started.
“I-” he interrupted at the same time.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Uh. You okay?”
“Yeah,” you said, too quickly. His hands were still there.
Jisung blinked like he’d just remembered they were attached to him, then jerked them away. The coffee wobbled dangerously in his grip. You grabbed it before it could spill .
“Late too?” he asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of Chan’s hoodie.
You nodded, adjusting your bag strap. “Yeah.”
You stared at him for a second too long, suddenly noticing how the hoodie strained across his shoulders - when had Han Jisung gotten broad? The absence of his usual thick framed glasses left his face strangely exposed, his cheekbones and dark lashes more pronounced than you remembered.
"Thanks," you muttered, brushing nonexistent lint off your sweater where his hands had been.
After a beat, you added, "Good reflexes," because it was true and you hated leaving truths unsaid, even for him.
Jisung blinked at you, momentarily stunned by the compliment - his mouth opened, closed, then opened again. A faint pink spread across his cheeks, "Uh," he managed. His fingers twitched toward his face, a habitual gesture to push up glasses that weren't there, before aborting the motion halfway.
"Uh, thanks," Jisung managed after an awkward pause, He cleared his throat "I mean - you're welcome. Obviously. Because I saved your life."
"You caught my coffee," you corrected flatly, lifting the cup slightly as evidence.
His grin returned, familiar. "Same difference." He rocked back on his heels, "You would've face planted on the pavement if I hadn't intervened. Tragic, really."
"I take it back. Never complimenting you again."
before he could retort, Changbin's voice cut through the courtyard "If you two are done flirting, we're gonna be late!" He stood at the lecture hall doors with Chan, who was rubbing his temples like he'd aged ten years in the past hour.
Jisung whipped around so fast his sneakers squeaked against the pavement. "We're not-!"
You walked past him before he could finish the sentence, shoulders brushing hard against his as you passed.
~
Jisung didn't plan to become a hero - it just sort of happened at 1:37 AM outside a convenience store three nights after The Bite.
He'd been pacing his dorm room, fingers twitching with pent up energy, when Chan threw a couch cushion his head and told him to "go climb a building or something, Jesus Christ."
So he did. Sort of. Mostly he just jumped fire escapes until his thighs burned and his lungs finally felt normal again, which is how he ended up perched on a rusty AC unit overlooking the 24 hour convenience store when the guy in the ski mask walked in waving a gun.
The gun glinted under the lights of the convenience store, its barrel wavering between the cashier and the racks of snacks. Jisung's body moved before his brain caught up, one second he was crouched on the AC unit, the next he was dropping through the open window like a damn action hero.
His sneakers hit the floor with barely a sound, knees bending to absorb the impact that should've shattered his ankles. The robber whirled around, gun swinging wildly. Time slowed. Jisung saw the trigger finger tense, saw the cashier duck behind the counter.
He lunged.
What happened next was equal parts luck and whatever the hell that spider had pumped into his veins. His palm smacked the gun sideways just as it discharged - the bullet embedding itself in a display of energy drinks with a sickening thunk.
Jisung's other hand grabbed the guy's wrist, twisting until the gun clattered to the floor. The would be robber screamed. Not from pain, Jisung realized, but from the sight of his own fingers bending the wrong way under Jisung's grip. He let go like he'd been burned. The guy bolted, leaving his ski mask behind in Jisung's fist.
Silence.
Jisung didn’t realize he was holding his breath until the cashier wheezed out a shaky "Holy shit." The gun lied abandoned on the floor between them, still warm from the misfired shot.
Jisung stared at it, then at his own hands - his bare hands, no gloves, no mask, just his stupidly recognizable face that was probably caught on camera. His stomach dropped.
Chan was going to murder him.
The cashier - a guy his age with a nametag reading 'jeongin' - slowly straightened from behind the counter, eyes darting between Jisung and the discarded ski mask. "...Are you gonna rob me too?"
"What? No!" Jisung’s voice cracked. He kicked the gun farther away for emphasis. "I just-" He gestured vaguely at the empty space where the robber had been. "-stopped that guy. Obviously."
The ski mask stared up at Jisung from the convenience store floor. He scooped it up, fingers brushing the rough knit fabric, still warm from the robber's panicked sweat.
The cashier was already dialing the police with shaking hands, but Jisung's feet were moving before his brain caught up. He bolted out the door like he was the criminal, the stolen mask crumpled in his fist.
His knees nearly buckled when he hit the pavement - the sudden realization that he'd just stopped an armed robbery barefaced hit him.
Jisung sprinted down three alleys and ducked behind a dumpster just as police sirens wailed past the mouth of the alley. His heart hammered against his ribs, not from fear, but from something far worse. exhilaration.
He lifted the ski mask toward his face, hesitating for just a second before remembering its previous owner had been sweating bullets into the fabric.
He tentatively sniffed it - then recoiled so hard his head smacked against the dumpster behind him.
"Yuck," a stench clung to it, absolutely not.
He sprinted home in record time, sneakers barely touching the pavement. His enhanced legs carried him up the fire escape in three leaps. The window to their apartment's living room was still cracked open from his earlier escape, curtains fluttering in the night breeze. Jisung slid inside, falling right onto his ass.
"Ow," Changbin deadpanned from his bed, not looking up from his phone.
Jisung scrambled upright, ski mask still clutched in one hand. His gaze flicked from Jisung's disheveled hair to the crumpled mask.
Chan’s eyebrow twitched. “So. You robbed a robber.”
Jisung flapped the ski mask like a surrender flag. “No! I disarmed a robber. Then maybe borrowed his mask. Temporarily.”
Changbin snorted "And you didn’t think to cover your face before playing hero?"
this rooted a bad, bad idea into jisungs head.
he spent the next morning hunched over Chan’s laptop, scrolling through fabric stores frantically. His fingers drummed against the keyboard, pausing only to zoom in on a breathable material that promised "enhanced mobility" and "sweat wicking technology."
The description sounded like something straight out of a superhero movie - which, he supposed, was exactly what he needed now.
Chan watched from the doorway, arms crossed. "You realize this is insane, right?"
Jisung didn’t look up. "Less insane than stopping another robbery barefaced."
his first attempt at making a suit for his superhero persona was a disaster.
Jisung had underestimated the complexity of sewing stretch fabric, resulting in a lopsided mess of seams that bunched uncomfortably around his shoulders.
The second attempt fared slightly better - until he tested its durability by scaling the dorm’s exterior wall, only for the pants to split straight down the middle mid climb.
soon enough, Chan saw jisung's genuine dedication, and had taken pity on him. they spent late nights hunched over fabric scraps, Chan’s steady hands guiding the sewing machine - that chan bought from is own money earned from DJ gigs, mind you - while Jisung sketched designs in the margins of his notebooks.
The final prototype emerged from their shared efforts, a sleek red and blue suit with reinforced stitching and breathable mesh panels. The mask took another three attempts before achieving the perfect fit, complete with oversized white lenses that concealed his identity while enhancing his already unnaturally sharp vision.
Jisung examined himself in the dorm’s full length mirror for the first time, twisting to check the fit. The suit hugged his new musculature without restricting movement, the fabric stretching effortlessly as he flexed. He rolled his shoulders experimentally - it was the most comfortable model so far.
Changbin tossed an empty soda can at Jisung’s head from across the room. Jisung caught it without looking, reflexes kicking in. The can crumpled further in his grip.
"Show off," Changbin muttered.
The mask was the final piece. Jisung hesitated before pulling it on, fingertips brushing the blank white lenses. Once these went on, it'd be an official embodiment of... whatever this was.
The fabric settled over his face. His breathing echoed strangely in the enclosed space, but his vision remained clear. He blinked, adjusting to the surreal sensation of seeing more while being seen less.
Chan exhaled sharply. "Well. That's... a look."
Jisung twisted to examine his reflection in the mirror. The suit clung to his new physique like a second skin, the red and blue panels accentuating rather than hiding the slope of his shoulders. with a spider logo stitched across the center of his chest.
"So. What now?" chan cleared his throat.
Jisung exhaled through the mask, watching the fabric flutter slightly with his breath. "Now I test it."
His fingers found purchase on the brickwork without thought, his body moving with an instinct he shouldn't possess. He scaled the dormitory wall in seconds. Below, Seoul sprawled in a grid of neon and shadow, its pulse thrumming through the pavement under his palms.
He jumped.
The world tilted. His stomach lurched from the sheer impossibility of what his body was doing. He arced over the alleyway, arms outstretched, fingertips brushing the opposite fire escape before his feet even registered the landing.
The impact should have shattered his knees. Instead, he rolled smoothly onto the grated metal platform, his pulse steady in his ears.
That was when he heard a scream.
It cut through the ambient city noise . Jisung's head snapped toward the sound. Four blocks northeast. A woman's scream. fear, urgent terror in her voice.
He moved.
His body propelled him forward before conscious thought could interfere. The city blurred around him as he swung from ledges, his shot web lines that shouldn't have held his weight. Yet they did.
The polymer strands stretched taut as he launched himself between buildings, and landed on the third story balcony of a love hotel just as the scene unfolded below, a man dragging a woman toward a waiting car, her heels scraping against pavement as she fought.
Jisung didn't think, he immediately droped down, landing between the assailant and the car with a thud. The man recoiled, dragging the woman tighter against him as a human shield. Up close, Jisung could see the knife glinting in his free hand, the woman's smudged mascara.
"Back off!" the man snarled, blade pressing into her side.
Jisung's hands came up instinctively, palms out. The woman's wide eyes locked onto his mask. "You're-" she gasped.
Then everything happened at once. The man lunged, knife flashing. Jisung's body moved - his hand shot out, catching the blade mid air. Metal screeched against reinforced fabric, but didn't pierce.
The man's eyes widened comically as Jisung twisted his wrist, sending the knife clattering to the ground.
The knife skittered across the pavement. Jisung didn’t wait for the guy to process what had just happened, he pivoted on his heel, using his own momentum to yank the woman free in one motion.
She stumbled forward, gasping, but Jisung was already stepping between them, his body angled to shield her completely.
“Run,” he said. The word came out muffled and distorted through the mask, more like a growl than actual speech. The woman didn’t need to be told twice. She bolted, heels clicking against the sidewalk as she disappeared around the corner.
The would be attacker stared at Jisung, then at his own empty hand, then back at Jisung. “What the hell are you?”
Jisung's breath hitched behind the mask - What was he? A broke college student who'd bitten off more than he could chew. A walking science experiment. Definitely not someone who should be standing between an armed assailant and certain doom at 3 AM on a Tuesday.
"Uh," he managed, voice cracking through the fabric. "spiderman?"
The man lunged. Jisung sidestepped on instinct, the guy's momentum carried him straight into a dumpster with a metallic clang that echoed down the alley. Jisung winced. That had to hurt.
Police sirens wailed in the distance, close enough to spook the would be kidnapper, who scrambled upright and bolted in the opposite direction.
Jisung let him go. Chasing him down would mean explaining why he was dressed like a rejected Power Ranger, and frankly, he'd already pushed his luck far enough for one night.
Jisung crouched on the rooftop ledge, peeling off the mask with a wet shluck sound - the fabric sticking stubbornly to his sweaty forehead.
Below, the woman he'd rescued was giving a statement to the police, gesturing wildly toward the rooftops. He ducked back before she could spot him.
His phone buzzed violently against his thigh. Chan's caller ID flashed across the cracked screen, followed immediately by Changbin's bombardment of texts
BRO
DID YOU JUST GO VIRAL ON TWITTER
THERES VIDEO OF YOU DOING A BACKFLIP OVER A CAR
Jisung groaned, flopping onto his back. Gravel dug into his shoulder blades through the suit. Above him, Seoul's light pollution drowned out the stars, leaving only a murky orange haze.
He held up his phone, squinting at the blurry footage someone had uploaded. there he was, mid backflip, his red and blue suit a neon smear against the night. The caption read
Spiderman??? In SEOUL????
The first tweet had thirty seven likes. By morning, it had seventeen thousand and counting.
Jisung woke to Changbin shoving his phone in his face, screen displaying a grainy video of someone in a red and blue suit flipping over a moving car. "Congratulations," Changbin said. "You're a meme now."
Chan was less amused. He paced their dorm room, pausing only to read the growing pile of news articles on his laptop:
SPIDERMAN IN SEOUL? SUPER-HERO OR SUPER-ZERO?
before rounding on Jisung. "This," he hissed, jabbing a finger at the screen, "is the opposite of keeping a low profile."
Jisung groaned into his pillow. "It was one car."
~
You'd seen the videos. Everyone had. Grainy footage of some idiot in red and blue flipping over cars and catching falling flowerpots like it was nothing. The internet had collectively lost its mind - #SpiderManSeoul was still trending and it's been a whole two weeks - but you refused to join the hype.
"Obviously fake," you muttered in the cafeteria, stabbing your chopsticks into a piece of kimchi. The table next to yours erupted into excited chatter about the latest clip, Spiderman allegedly stopping a truck from hitting a pedestrian near Hongdae.
Yunjin slammed her phone down on the cafeteria table hard enough to make your soup bowl rattle. "That's three robberies he's stopped this week," she hissed, scrolling through blurry footage. "How can you still think this is fake?"
You rolled your eyes, stirring your half cold soup. "Easy. Because physics don't work like that, and neither do people." You pointed your chopsticks at her phone screen where 'Spiderman' was currently doing something that should've snapped his spine in five places. "That's either CGI or a really dedicated performance artist with a death wish."
Across the table, Yunjin made a noise like a deflating balloon. "You're impossible." She flicked to another video, this one showing the vigilante webbing a purse snatcher to a lamppost mid sprint. "Explain that then,"
You leaned in, squinting at the pixelated mess. "Okay one, that 'web' looks suspiciously like industrial grade fishing line. Two-" you tapped the timestamp in the corner "-this was filmed at 2 AM near Hongdae. Everyone's either drunk or sleep deprived enough to hallucinate shit like this."
You snorted into your soup, watching Yunjin's face contort in frustration. "Honestly, anyone dumb enough to believe in 'Spiderman' probably thinks pigeons are government drones too." You waved a dismissive hand toward her phone. "He's probably just some adrenaline junkie with too much free time and a GoPro."
From the neighboring table, someone choked on their rice. You glanced over just in time to see Jisung wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Chan smacked him hard on his back, whether to help him breathe or silence him, you couldn't tell.
"Or," Jisung wheezed, voice still rough from coughing, "maybe he's actually helping people?" He twisted in his seat to face you fully, elbows propped on the table behind him. "Ever think of that, genius?"
Changbin groaned audibly and slid down in his chair.
You arched an eyebrow. "Didn't realize you were such a Spiderman fan, Han. Got a poster of him over your bed?"
Jisung's ears turned pink. "I'm just saying-" he jabbed a chopstick in your direction "-if someone's stopping crimes for free, maybe don't trash talk them while chewing with your mouth full."
Yunjin added "You're just jealous because you can't backflip over cars."
"I could if I wanted to," you shot back, knowing full well your athletic abilities peaked at speed walking to morning lectures.
Jisung snorted. "Sure, and I'm the queen of England."
Chan materialized between the tables. His palm hit Jisung’s shoulder with a dull thwack that knocked him forward into his bibimbap. “We’re late,” Chan announced, already dragging Jisung upright by the collar like a misbehaving kitten.
Jisung spluttered, chopsticks clattering to the tray. “Late for what?”
“The thing,” Changbin interjected smoothly, sliding out of his seat “The very important thing.”
You watched as Chan dragged Jisung toward the exit, Jisung still craning his neck to shout over his shoulder, “Ask me about my queen of England autograph later!”
Chan’s exasperated groan echoed down the hallway as the door swung shut behind them.
Left in their abrupt absence, you blinked at Yunjin. “What the hell was that about?”
She shrugged, scrolling through more Spiderman footage. “Dunno, but Han Jisung defending a vigilante’s honor is weirder than you denying literal video evidence.”
She paused the playback right as Spiderman executed a midair twist that defied every law of physics. “anyway, I think you’re just salty because Spiderman could probably out academic you and out athletic you.”
well...he literally did.
~
your disbelief in spiderman came back and smacked you right in the face.
you were at the library after you finished your lectures for the day, the library was unusually quiet for midterm season, the usual chatter replaced by the frantic scratching of pens and the occasional sniffle from sleep deprived students. You rubbed your temples, staring at the same differential equations page for forty five minutes straight. At this rate, you'd be here until sunrise, again.
Outside, Seoul had long since plunged into darkness, the campus pathways illuminated only by streetlamps. You hesitated at the library doors - your dorm was a fifteen minute walk through the least lit part of campus, but the alternative was another all nighter hunched over textbooks.
You'd taken three steps onto the pavement when the first catcall sliced through the quiet.
A group of drunk frat boys loitered near the bus stop, their laughter too loud, eyes tracking your movement.
You tightened your grip on your backpack straps and picked up the pace. Their footsteps followed, uneven against the pavement.
"Hey sweetheart, why you walking so fast?"
Your pulse jackhammered against your ribs. The shortcut through the engineering building's side alley was suddenly a terrible idea — too narrow, too dark, too isolated. You fumbled for your phone just as a hand grabbed your elbow.
Your elbow jerked instinctively, but the grip tightened. One of the drunk guys leaned in, his breath sour with soju as he slurred, "Don't be like that. We're just walking you home."
The others chuckled, closing ranks around you. Your phone slipped from your sweating fingers, clattering to the pavement.
You tried to say something, anything, but your voice came out shaky and thin, "Let go," you managed, but it sounded more like a question than a command.
The guy holding your elbow laughed, his grip tightening just enough to make your bones protest. His friends shuffled closer, their shadows swallowing the dim streetlight whole.
A second hand clamped onto your shoulder from behind. "Relax," someone slurred. "We're nice guys."
You twisted against the hold, but there were too many of them, too many hands, too many laughs, too many bodies boxing you in.
Then, movement. A flicker of red and blue in your peripheral vision. One of the drunk guys yelped as his hand was suddenly gone from your arm, yanked backward by an invisible force. The others barely had time to turn before something - someone - slammed into their midst like a human wrecking ball.
The drunk guy's hand vanished from your elbow with a wet thwip sound, followed by his startled scream as he was yanked backward into a dumpster.
His buddies whirled around - just in time to see a red and blue blur drop from the fire escape above, landing between them with a crouch.
"Hey guys," Spiderman said, tilting his head. The blank white lenses of his mask made his expression unreadable, "Didn't your moms teach you it's rude to grope strangers?"
One of the drunk guys lunged. Spiderman sidestepped without looking, webbing the guy's sneakers to the sidewalk mid swing. The dude faceplanted with a grunt, his friends gaping as he struggled against the sticky white strands now gluing his shoes to concrete.
"Oops," Spiderman said, tapping his chin. "Must've slipped."
Another guy charged. Spiderman flipped over him effortlessly, landing on the dumpster lid with a metallic clang. "Wow," he mused, watching the guy stumble past. "You're really bad at this. Like, impressively bad."
You stood frozen against the alley wall, watching Spiderman web the third guy's hands to his own jacket zipper. "There," he said, patting the stuck zipper. "Now you can't unzip or zip. Poetic, right?"
The last drunk guy made a break for it. Spiderman sighed dramatically. "Come on, man. Group project participation counts toward your final grade." A web shot out, snagging the runner's ankle mid stride.
He yelped as Spiderman reeled him in like a fish, depositing him neatly beside his webbed up friends.
Spiderman dusted off his gloves. "Alright, team huddle! Here's the deal-" he crouched to their eye level,
"-next time you think about cornering someone in a dark alley? Don't." He tapped the first guy's forehead with one finger. "Or I find you."
The drunk guys paled. Spiderman straightened, turning toward you then froze. His masked head tilted slightly, the lenses widening almost imperceptibly.
You realized three things at once
one, Your knees were shaking.
two, Spiderman was much shorter in person than the videos made him seem.
three, You'd dropped your phone and backpack during the scuffle, and your differential equations notes were now scattered across the alley like confetti.
Spiderman bent to gather your papers, his movements almost... familiar. He stacked them neatly and held them out. "You, uh. You okay?" His voice was softer now, the earlier bravado gone.
You took the notes with numb fingers. "Yeah. Thanks." The words came out hoarse.
Spiderman nodded awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Cool. Coolcoolcool." He cleared his throat. "So. Should I web these guys to a lamppost for the cops, or...?"
One of the webbed up drunks whimpered.
You swallowed hard. "Lamppost's good."
Spiderman saluted. "Lamppost it is."
Spiderman made quick work of securing the drunk guys to the nearest lamppost, his webs forming a messy cocoon around their legs. One of them hiccuped pathetically as Spiderman gave the webbing an experimental tug. "There," he said cheerfully. "Now you can reflect on your mistakes while waiting for the cops."
You hugged your notes to your chest, still processing the fact that Spiderman, the same one you'd spent weeks insisting was fake, just saved you.
"You're... shorter than I expected," you blurted out before you could stop yourself.
Spiderman's head snapped up. For a second, the mask's lenses just... stared.
Then he pressed a hand to his chest. "Excuse you, I'm perfectly average height for a-" He cut himself off abruptly, clearing his throat. "Anyway. You're welcome for saving your life or whatever."
"You didn't save my life," you muttered, kneeling to gather the last of your scattered pens.
Spiderman made a noise between a laugh and a wheeze. "Right. Sorry for interrupting your very important... pen collecting."
You looked up at him, "I was handling it."
"Uh huh." He crossed his arms, the red fabric stretching taut over his shoulders. "Because saying 'let go' in a squeaky voice is totally handling it."
Your cheeks burned. "I wasn't squeaky."
Spiderman's mask tilted slightly, "Sure," he drawled, dragging the word out.
You opened your mouth to retort when a police siren wailed in the distance. Spiderman's head snapped toward the sound, his posture more alert. "Right. That's my cue." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Need a swing home?"
You blinked. "A what?"
Before you could protest, he'd already grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but careful, "Do you trust me?"
"No," you said immediately.
Spiderman grinned beneath his mask - you could hear it in his voice. "Perfect."
Then he yanked you forward before you could react, making you drop your bag in the process, his other hand shooting a web line to the nearest rooftop with a sharp thwip.
Your stomach lurched violently as your feet left the pavement, the ground dropping away beneath you with terrifying speed.
You shrieked, instinctively locking your arms around his neck in a death grip as the world tilted sideways. Buildings blurred past, wind howling in your ears loud enough to drown out your own panicked breathing.
Spiderman's arm banded around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest as he swung into open air. "Relax!" he shouted over the rush of wind. "I've only dropped one person!"
"WHAT?!" You dug your fingers into his shoulders hard enough to bruise - if normal humans could bruise whatever weird super skin he had.
"Kidding!" He adjusted his grip slightly, angling his body to catch the updraft as he launched you both higher.
he released the web line, freefalling for one terrifying second before another thwip sent you arcing upward again. The city sprawled beneath you, the view would've been beautiful if you weren't convinced you were about to become sidewalk confetti.
"wait- you passed my dorm!" you yelled over the wind, nails digging into Spiderman's shoulders as another swing took your breath away. The familiar building of your residence hall flashed below - then vanished behind you .
Spiderman's grip tightened fractionally around your waist. "Yeah, well," he called back, voice strained from the wind and what sounded suspiciously like laughter, "you looked like you could use some fresh air!"
You tried to say something back, but your words dissolved into a startled squeak as the city tilted dizzyingly. Your fingers clawed at his shoulders, but somewhere between the fourth and fifth swing, you realized your death grip had eased slightly. Maybe it was the way his arm stayed locked around your waist like a seatbelt, or how he angled his body to shield you from the worst of the wind.
"See?" Spiderman's said, "Not so bad once you stop trying to strangle me." He flipped midair just to hear you yelp, catching another webline with practiced ease.
"You're insane!" you managed, but your arms relaxed incrementally as you adjusted to the rhythm of his swings. The initial terror dulled into adrenaline, mixed with reluctant awe as Seoul sprawled beneath you in glowing grids.
The Han River flashed between buildings, and for one insane second, you understood why people did extreme sports.
Then Spiderman corkscrewed sideways without warning, shooting a web toward a higher rooftop. "check out this view!"
Before you could protest, he backflipped off the webline, sending you both soaring over a pedestrian bridge in a wide arc. Your stomach dropped straight to your shoes.
and suddenly you let out a laugh at the sheer absurdity of everything. at the fact that you were saved by spiderman in an alley, at the fact that you were finally getting your first breath of fresh air after days of being cooped up in either your room, or the library, or the lecture Hall.
The sound burst out, bright and startled against the roar of wind. Spiderman's head snapped toward you so fast, then he laughed too, the sound muffled by the mask but real, bubbling up from somewhere deep in his chest as he swung you both higher.
you spent a minute or two like that. Spiderman took a sharper turn than intended, nearly clipping a Samsung billboard with his shoulder. "Shit, sorry!" he yelped, twisting midair to avoid impact.
The sudden jerk should have terrified you, but instead you just laughed harder, your fingers loosening their death grip on his shoulders as you clung to him more out of habit than panic now.
"Are you trying to kill me?" you shouted over the wind, a smile still on your face.
"Only a little!" he called back.
Your dorm building came into view far below, Spiderman slowed his swings gradually, letting momentum carry you both downward in gentler arcs until. He landed with surprising grace on the sidewalk out front, setting you down carefully - though your legs wobbled like jelly the second your sneakers hit concrete.
"Whoa there," he chuckled, steadying you with a hand on your elbow. You swayed slightly as your feet touched solid ground again, still dizzy from the swinging.
Spiderman's gloved hands lingered on your elbows, steadying you. "You good?" His voice was softer now .
"I'm-" You swallowed hard, willing your legs to stop shaking. "I'm alive. Which is... surprising."
The adrenaline was fading now, leaving you strangely lightheaded. "I... thanks. Really." The words came out quieter than you intended, but you meant them.
"Yeah. No problem. That's kind of... the whole point of the suit." He gestured vaguely at himself, the red fabric stretching with the movement.
You snorted despite yourself. "Yeah, well. You're still insufferable."
"Ouch. And here I was going to offer you a free ride anytime."
"Hard pass," you said immediately, but you were smiling, a small, reluctant thing.
Spiderman chuckled, the sound muffled by his mask. He rocked back on his heels slightly. For a second, neither of you spoke, just stood there in the quiet aftermath, the distant city sounds filling the space between you.
Then he straightened. "Right. Don't get kidnapped again."
you smiled. "I'll try."
Spiderman gave a two fingered salute, already backing toward the alley wall. "If you do get kidnapped again-" he shot a webline upward without looking, the *thwip* cutting through the night air "-I'll be there." He tugged the web experimentally before adding, "But try not to make it a habit, yeah? My web fluid's expensive."
Before you could retort, he launched himself upward with a sudden burst of movement, the red and blue blur disappearing over the rooftop edge before you even processed the motion.
You stood frozen on the sidewalk, staring at the empty space where he'd been, your brain still trying to reconcile the fact that Spiderman - the same Spiderman you'd spent days dismissing as fake - had just swung you across half of Seoul.
The walk up to your dorm felt surreal. Your legs were stilll shakey, and you were still slightly dizzy.
You collapsed onto your bed fully dressed, convinced you'd lie awake replaying the night's events - then promptly passed out the second your head hit the pillow.
outside, Spiderman nearly faceplanted into a building mid swing. Because he was smiling like an absolute idiot under his mask, cheeks aching from the stupid, unstoppable smile that had been plastered on his face since he'd heard you laugh mid air.
He landed on the fire escape of their building, still buzzing with adrenaline. Peeling off the mask felt like surfacing from underwater - cool air hitting his sweaty face, the sounds of the city rushing back in clearly.
he shoved the window open, tumbling into the living room. Chan and Changbin were sprawled on the couch when Jisung crashed through the window.
Changbin glanced up from his phone. "Oh good, you didn't die." He paused his game just long enough to take in Jisung's disheveled state, mask off, hair sticking up in wild directions, and that ridiculous grin still plastered across his face. "Wait. Why do you look like that?"
"guys, you won't believe what just happened"
Jisung was halfway through inhaling to launch into his story when he froze mid breath, his eyes widening comically. "Wait - shit, her bag" He scrambled to his feet so fast he nearly tripped over.
Chan blinked. "Whose-"
"Be right back!" Jisung yanked the mask back over his head, the lenses setteling into place as he lunged for the window. "Forgot something super important"
Changbin's shout of "What the hell-" was cut off by the sharp thwip of a web line as Jisung flung himself back into the night.
~
You woke to sunlight stabbing your eyelids and the distinct sensation of having been hit by a bus.
The events of last night rushed back in - drunk guys, Spiderman, swinging through Seoul.
You groaned into your pillow, half convinced it had all been some dream.
Then a gust of wind hit your face like a slap. You squinted against the sunlight, realizing with a start that your window was wide open, and you definitely hadn’t left it that way.
you scrambled out of bed and approached your window sil. There, dangling from a single strand of web, was your missing backpack.
The backpack swung slightly as you reached out, the web strand stretching oddly. You tugged it free with a disgusting schlorp sound, and you saw a folded square of notebook paper stuck to the fabric with another glob of web.
You peeled it off with two fingers, The note was written in messy, angular handwriting that looked familiar.
you dropped this. your phone is inside too, you're welcome.
also, you snore.
- s
you stared at it, brain short circuiting between he brought my bag back and he watched me sleep?! before settling on the most pressing question, how the hell had Spiderman even known which dorm was yours? You hadn't told him. You were certain of it.
but maybe he'd just checked every single window till he found you -which would be extremely creepy, but made sense.
"There you are," Yunjin's voice cut through your spinning thoughts. You spun around to find her leaning against your doorframe, hair still mussed from sleep, squinting at you. "I was worried sick - where the hell were you last night?"
You opened your mouth - then froze. The backpack in your hands suddenly felt like damning evidence. "Library," you blurted too quickly.
Yunjin’s eyes dropped to the backpack in your hands, then narrowed at the sticky web residue still clinging to the fabric. Her gaze flicked to the note in your hands, then back to you. "Library," she repeated flatly. "Right."
She padded into your room, plucking the note from your hand with two fingers, then reading it, "You do snore," she said laughed, squinting at the handwriting. "Also, who the hell wrote this, who's 's'?" She waved the note in your face, the web glue still tacky.
You snatched it back. "no one."
She pointed at the webs on your bag. "spider webs?" Her voice pitched higher. "Did you, oh my god. Did Spiderman bring you home last night?"
She planted herself on your bed, legs crossed. "Start talking. Now." Her eyes flicked to your window, then back to you "And don’t even think about leaving out the part where Spiderman apparently knows where you live."
You sighed, sitting infront of her, "It’s not that dramatic. Some guys were being creeps last night, Spiderman showed up, webbed them to a lamppost, and then-" You hesitated, "And then he insisted on swinging me home."
Yunjin’s eyebrows shot up. "Swinging you home?" She grabbed your shoulders, shaking you slightly. "You swung through the city with spiderman?!"
"Yes! And it was terrifying!" You pried her hands off your shoulders. "And also... kind of amazing? But mostly terrifying. I almost threw up on him twice."
Yunjin's mouth fell open. "You- what" She grabbed your shoulders again, shaking you "You rode Spiderman?!"
"Swinging with Spiderman!" you corrected, cheeks flushing as you smacked her hands away.
Yunjin's grin turned positively feral as she flopped onto your bed, "Details. Now. How tall was he?"
"he's definitely shorter than you'd expect"
"Did he smell nice? Was he hot under the mask? Did he-"
"I didn't see his face. And you're disgusting," you hissed, chucking a pillow at her face.
"I'm invested," she corrected, hugging the pillow to her chest. "Also, I told you he was real."
You groaned, collapsing onto the bed beside her. "Okay, fine, he's real. Happy?"
"Ecstatic,"
safe to say, Yunjin wouldn't stop fangirling over this all afternoon.
~
Midterms came and went. You barely had time to process the fact that Spiderman had swung you across Seoul before exams swallowed your entire existence whole.
The only upside was that Jisung, for once, wasn't hovering around to gloat about his grades.
He seemed more busy, like he got a life or something, you'd catch him dozing off more than once, dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days.
Winter break arrived soon after. If not at some party with yunjin, you spent most of it holed up in your bedroom, halfheartedly scrolling through Spiderman footage.
The videos had multiplied exponentially, now there were compilations of him rescuing cats from trees, stopping bike thieves, even helping an old lady carry groceries up six flights of stairs when her building's elevator broke.
The comments sections were flooded with debates about whether he was a hero, a menace, or just some guy with too much time.
You never commented. But you watched.
When the new semester started, campus was buzzing with fresh Spiderman gossip. Someone claimed they'd seen him perched on the humanities building at 3 AM.
Another swore they'd spotted him buying convenience store ramen in full costume.
Yunjin, of course, had compiled an entire folder of sightings on her phone and updated you daily despite your protests.
Jisung stumbled into Professor Kim's lecture hall seventeen minutes late, face still puffy like he'd rolled straight out of bed, which, given the pillow crease still visible on his left cheek, he probably had.
he blinked blearily at the seating chart projected on the board before shuffling toward the only empty seat in the room- right next to you, of course.
"You're late," you muttered as he collapsed into the chair with a groan.
"Yeah, well," Jisung yawned so wide his jaw cracked, "tell that to the asshole who decided 9 am classes were a good idea."
His elbow slid off the desk mid sentence, nearly knocking over your water bottle before he caught it with reflexes that were still annoyingly precise despite his obvious exhaustion.
Dark circles bruised the skin beneath his eyes, deep enough to be visible even in the lecture hall's dim lighting. and when he reached for his notebook, you caught a glimpse of fresh scrapes across his knuckles.
You didn't think much of it - Professor Kim clears her throat, and announced the semester's major project.
"Partners are assigned randomly," she said, tapping her clipboard as murmurs rippled through the lecture hall. "No swaps, no complaints. You'll be working together for the next eight weeks."
You barely had time to dread the possibilities before the projector screen lit up with the pairings list. Your stomach dropped straight to your shoes when you saw your name right next to Han Jisung's.
"Aw, we're finally spending quality time together."
You rolled your eyes so hard it almost hurt, but didn’t protest. Because - annoyingly - Jisung would a good project partner if he bothered to focus.
“Here,” you muttered, shoving your phone across the desk toward him “Put your number in before I change my mind.”
Jisung’s eyebrows shot up, he just stared at your phone. Then his face split into that infuriating smile.
“Aw,” he cooed, snatching the phone before you could reconsider. “You do care.” His thumbs flew across the screen with alarming speed. “Should I put a heart next to my name? Or maybe-”
“If you put anything besides your name and number, i'll take Chan's number and all interactions will be through him”
Jisung pouted before deleting the heart emoji he'd already typed, and then handed your phone back. "You're no fun,"
after class was over, you spotted Yunjin leaning against the courtyard railing, scrolling through her phone per usual.
The moment she caught sight of you, her eyebrows shot up, then immediately waggled suggestively as she took in your exhausted expression.
"Let me guess," she drawled, pocketing her phone with a smirk. "Spiderman swung by again? Or was it just Han Jisung being his usual pain-in-your-ass self?"
You groaned, dragging your hands down your face. "the latter." You paused, then sighed dramatically. "And also... we got paired for Kim's semester project."
Yunjin's eyes widened. "Oh my god. You're finally spending quality time together"
"You said the exact same thing he did," you groaned, "Word for word. I swear, both of you share the same overworked brain cell."
Yunjin snorted, "Girl, I wish I did share a brain cell with him, then maybe I'd actually be able to solve Kim's exams without wanting to yeet myself into the Han River."
you sighed, already drained from all the work you'd have to do this semester before it even started "then there's the university festival too"
"oh yea, what'cha planning to do for the big fair" yunjin said. "gonna work on something with han too?" she wiggled her eyebrows.
"absolutely not" you answered quickly, "I won't do anything, I'll just rest. yeah. I'll catch up on all the sleep I'm about to lose"
"aw, what a shame," yunjin said, then she leaned in, whispering, "Though honestly, if you really want to tap into that academic powerhouse, there are way more fun ways to-"
"Finish that thought and I'm throwing you into the Han River myself."
"I'm just sayin'," she said, dodging your attempt to push her, "both of you just need to have a good fuck for this rivalry to go away."
"Speaking of fucks," you said, leaning against the courtyard railing, "I’ll be working on the project at Jisung’s place most days. Which means our dorm will be delightfully empty."
You flicked a stray leaf off your sleeve "Feel free to bring your Tinder disasters over, just keep them away from my room, please"
Yunjin gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Excuse you," she said, tossing her hair over one shoulder with exaggerated offense. "My Tinder disasters are upstanding gentlemen—"
"Who leave their boxers on your floor and eat my cereal," you deadpanned, "Just wash the sheets afterwards. And hide the good mugs."
~~~
when Jisung kicked the door open - a lethal combination of unwashed socks, stale ramen, and the faint metallic tang of something that might have been blood hit his face.
Chan looked up from his laptop just in time to see Jisung hurdle over the couch, skidding to a stop in front of the coffee table where changbin was demolishing a bag of chips.
"We have a problem," Jisung announced .
"You are the problem." changbin said.
Chan sighed, closing his laptop, "What did you break this time?"
"Nothing!" Jisung paused. "Well. Maybe the window latch. But that’s not the point." he paused. "She is coming here. To work on the project."
Changbin froze mid chip. "Who’s ‘she’-"
Chan’s eyes widened. "Oh no."
Jisung nodded frantically. "Oh yes."
Changbin’s eyes darted between them. "Wait. Are we talking about-"
"Yes," Chan groaned, already dragging a hand down his face.
Changbin’s chip bag hit the floor with a crunch. “Oh, hell no.” He scrambled up, scanning the apartment with mounting horror.
Medical supplies littered the kitchen counter, spare web cartridges rolled under the couch, and most damning jisung’s half finished suit upgrades dangled from a makeshift clothesline strung across the living room.
“We have twenty minutes to make this place look like normal people live here.”
Chan was already in motion, snatching stray web shooters off the coffee table. “Jisung, hide your suit. Changbin, take the first aid kits.” He paused mid step, “And for the love of god, air out this place. It smells like a rat died in here.”
Jisung went to yank the prototype suit off the clothesline, "It's not that bad," he protested, bundling the fabric under his arms.
The apartment was almost presentable by the time you knocked.
You stood outside their door, knocking twice, when a crash echoed from inside followed by frantic whispering.
after a minute, the door opened, revealing Changbin "Heyyyyy," he drawled, voice pitched an octave too high. "You're early"
you blinked, pointing your thumb back towards the elevator, "I can come back in a bit if you guys are busy-"
Changbin waved a hand like he was shooing away smoke. "Nah, nah, we’re good!" he stepped aside,
“Home sweet home,” Changbin announced, “Ignore the-” He gestured vaguely at a suspicious lump under a blanket that was definitely not laundry. “Decorative choices.”
You toed off your shoes at the entrance, noting with mild surprise that the apartment was cleaner than expected - though said suspicious lump under the blanket suggested they'd simply relocated the mess rather than actually cleaned it.
Chan looked up from his laptop, offering a casual salute as you stepped further into the apartment. "Hey," he said, "Jisung's in his room pretending he didn't just spend twenty minutes panic cleaning."
You snorted. "Sounds about right."
Jisung's bedroom door was slightly ajar, revealing a space that had clearly undergone a last minute excavation.
The floor was visible and his desk was suspiciously organized, textbooks stacked next to his laptop.
"Wow," you said, leaning against the doorframe. "I didn't know you owned a trash can."
Jisung spun around from where he'd been adjusting a poster that was still slightly crooked. "Shut up," he muttered, He gestured vaguely at the desk. "I set up already. Figured you'd want the, uh-" He waved his hands. "The workspace. Or whatever."
You walked in and over to the desk, project outline stared back at you from Jisung's laptop screen - neatly formatted, color-coded, and some parts were already done . You blinked. "You... started without me?"
Jisung shrugged, spinning a pen between his fingers, "Couldn't sleep last night." His knee bumped yours when you sat down, "Figured I'd get a head start before you could accuse me of slacking."
You stared at the spreadsheet he'd prepared, grudgingly impressed despite yourself. The formulas were flawless, the research sources ready, "Well. At least you're not completely useless."
"Wow. Wow. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." he leaned closer, "Careful. Keep this up and people might think we like each other."
"get to work," you muttered, pulling your chair closer to his desk.
Jisung straightened, "Yes, ma'am."
You shook your head, but the corner of your mouth betrayed you with a twitch. He noticed instantly, and his grin widened like he'd won something.
You kicked his chair leg under the desk in retaliation, sending him wobbling sideways with a yelp.
Working with Jisung turned out to be - annoyingly - far less painful than you’d anticipated.
He had a way of cutting through your overthinking, dismantling problems you’d tangled into knots. When you got stuck on a statistical analysis, he spun his laptop around to show you a ridiculously simplified formula that somehow worked.
When he hit a dead end with the literature review, you pointed him toward three obscure sources he’d missed. It was infuriatingly efficient.
you'd also grew to realize that Jisung focused when it mattered.
Then there were the snacks. Jisung kept shoving food at you - convenience store food, but its the thought that counts “Eat,” he’d say, nudging a bar of chocolate toward you without looking up. “Your blood sugar’s crashing. I can hear your stomach growling from here.”
You’d protest, but he wouldn't hear any of it until you tore open the packaging begrudgingly.
and he actually remembered things. Tiny, insignificant details you’d mentioned in passing - your preference for blue pens over black, the way you organized your citations, the fact that you always forgot to save drafts until it was too late.
Halfway through typing, your laptop would ding with a message from him You didn’t save again, genius. You’d glare at him, but he’d already be smirking at his own screen.
You didn't expect to bond with Chan and Changbin too, but somehow their apartment became your second home for the past 6 weeks.
you stayed past 10 pm once, Chan slid a takeout menu across the table. "Pick something," he said, "Jisung forgets to eat when he's focused, and you're worse than he is."
The takeout containers were long empty by the time you stretched your arms over your head, joints popping from hours hunched over textbooks.
"You should head back," His voice was casual, but his eyes flicked to the time on his phone, 11:47 PM, then back to your face. "It's late."
You sighed, gathering your notes into a pile. "I've walked home later than this."
"Yeah, and nearly got followed by drunk assholes," Jisung muttered under his breath.
"I'll be fine. It's like, twelve minutes max." You slung the strap over your shoulder.
"at least let me walk you home?" jisung asked.
"Relax. you don't have to act like my hero for the night, i'll be fine."
jisung heard the word "hero" and an idea popped into his mind. bingo
"Fine. Die in a dark alley. See if I care."
"You won't," you shot back, toeing on your shoes by the door.
"Night, guys," you called over your shoulder as you stepped into the hallway, the door clicking shut behind you.
Inside the apartment, Jisung was already running to put his suit on before Chan caught him by the hood. "Are you serious right now?"
"I'm just gonna-" Jisung started.
"Follow her as Spiderman?" Changbin supplied, "Dude. That's creepy."
Jisung froze. "It's not creepy if I'm making sure she doesn't get murdered."
"It's extremely creepy."
"She literally said she didn't need an escort!" Changbin pointed out.
Jisung waved a hand. "She always says that."
"Because you always try to escort her!"
Jisung hesitated, just long enough for Chan to sigh and release his hood. "If you're gonna be an idiot, at least put the mask on first."
Changbin tossed a web shooter at Jisung's head. "And try not to get arrested for stalking."
Outside, you were halfway down the block when a shadow flickered across the streetlight above you. You glanced up just in time to see a blur of red and blue vanish behind a rooftop.
"Really?"
A thwip sounded overhead. Spiderman landed lightly on a lamppost ahead of you, "Fancy meeting you here," he said, voice dripping with faux surprise.
You crossed your arms. "Are you following me?"
Spiderman gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. "I'm patrolling. This is a coincidence."
"A coincidence," you deadpanned.
"Yep." He swung down to street level, falling into step beside you like this was completely normal. "Totally random."
You sighed. "I don't need an escort."
Spiderman tilted his head. "Says the person who nearly got jumped last time."
"That was one time-"
"And here I am," he said, spreading his arms wide, " not letting it happen again."
You glared at him. He smiled at you - or at least, the mask's eyes crinkled in a way that suggested a smile.
"Fine," you muttered, stomping ahead.
Spiderman matched your stomping pace, "So," he drawled, swinging around a lamppost to land directly in front of you, forcing you to halt mid step or you'd have walked straight into his chest. "What's a pretty girl like you doing out so late?"
Your ears burned "I was just coming back from a friend’s place," you muttered, sidestepping him to continue walking. "Working on a project. Unlike some people, I actually take my education seriously."
Oh the irony.
he fell into step beside you, his posture casual, "So this friend," he pressed, "What's their deal? Study buddy? Secret admirer?"
You shot him a glare. "None of your business."
Spiderman gasped, "Ouch. And here I thought we had something special." He swung ahead, landing lightly on a parked car’s roof just to force you to look up at him. "Come on, humor me. Tall? Short? cute?"
You stayed silent, refusing to dignify that with an answer. But Spiderman was nothing if not persistent, he dropped down directly in your path again, close enough that the lenses of his mask reflected your exasperated expression back at you.
"Han Jisung," you finally said, shoving past him. "My project partner. Happy?"
"Han Jisung," he repeated, "Wow. Sounds like a real catch. Bet he’s incredibly handsome and talented."
"He’s annoying," you corrected, kicking a pebble harder than necessary. "And arrogant. And-"
"And?" Spiderman prompted, suddenly right beside you again.
"And none of your concern," you finished through gritted teeth.
Spiderman made a wounded noise, "Rude. Here I am, risking life and limb to escort you safely home-"
"You invited yourself," you corrected.
"-and you won’t even indulge my harmless curiosity about your mysterious project partner." He swung ahead to perch upside down from a streetlight, "Tell me more about this Han Jisung character. Does he have any redeeming qualities? Or is he just tragically, devastatingly handsome?"
You scoffed, refusing to acknowledge how accurately that described Jisung’s stupid face. "Fine. Jisung’s... not completely terrible." You looked at the sidewalk. "He remembers stupid things. Like how I always forget to save my work, or that I hate when people highlight in yellow."
Spiderman’s mask tilted, the lenses narrowing slightly. "Wow," he said, his tone an exaggerated awe. "Truly, a monumental compliment. Does he also breathe air and occasionally blink?"
You kicked a pebble at him, which he caught mid air with a web before it could hit his chest.
"Shut up. He’s..." You hesitated, then sighed. "He’s weirdly considerate. Makes sure I eat when we’re studying. And his roommates are..." You gestured vaguely, as if that explained anything. "nice. more tolerable than him, actually. they insist on feeding me too"
Spiderman went suspiciously quiet. Then, in a voice devoid of sarcasm "They sound nice."
You snorted. "They’re menaces. But yeah. They... grew on me."
A beat of silence. Then Spider-Man dropped from the lamppost, landing softly beside you. "And Jisung?" he prompted, suddenly closer than before. "What’s his fatal flaw?"
You didn’t even have to think. "He's always right somehow. And he gloats about it. alot."
"Horrifying," he agreed solemnly. "Anything else?"
"He’s always there," you muttered, more to yourself than to him. "Even when I wish he wasn’t."
The mask hid his expression, but his next words came out oddly soft. "Sounds like you’ve got it pretty bad, genius."
The familiar nickname prickled at the back of your memory, but you couldn't place it, until Spiderman abruptly straightened, realizing his mistake, clearing his throat.
"So!" he said, "How much further to your dorm?"
You narrowed your eyes at the obvious subject change. "Why? Getting tired already?"
Spiderman scoffed, "Please. I could do this all night." then shrugged "Just making conversation."
"You were doing just fine until the nickname," you pointed out, watching his lenses widen fractionally.
"What nickname?" he asked, voice pitching slightly higher.
"Genius." You tilted your head, studying his frozen posture. "Jisung calls me that."
spiderman got into character again, "Jisung calls you that?" His voice was pitched an octave higher than usual, his hands fluttering in dramatic disbelief.
"Wow. What a coincidence." He leaned closer, "Maybe l'm Han Jisung. Ever think of that, genius?"
He lowkey regret what he said the second the words came out of his mouth. but hey, reverse psychology?
you stopped walking for a second, facing spiderman, genuinely considering what he just said.
"nah" you snorted, shaking your head. "Jisung can barely walk in a straight line without tripping over his own feet." You gestured vaguely at Spiderman's lithe posture. "No way that disaster could pull off... whatever this is."
"Ouch. That hurts. I'll have you know some people find my-" he gestured at himself, "this extremely charming."
"You mean annoying," you corrected.
"Charmingly annoying," Spiderman corrected, He swung lazily ahead, landing atop the lamppost outside your dorm building.
You stopped beneath the lamppost, glancing up at Spiderman’s silhouette squatting on top of it. "This your stop, genius?" he asked, voice lilting with amusement.
"Yes," you said flatly. "And don't call me that."
"Call you what? Genius?" He leaned forward, resting his chin in one gloved hand. "Or pretty girl?"
Your face heated instantly. "Both."
Spiderman laughed, a sound that you swear you heard before.
"Fine, fine. Wouldn't want to inflate your ego too much." He swung down from the lamppost.
He turned to leave, then hesitated, just long enough to glance over his shoulder and add, voice softer than before, "Sleep tight, pretty girl."
Then he was gone, vanishing into the night sky with a thwip of webbing before you could retaliate.
you stayed glued to the pavement for a minute as you watched spiderman's figure get smaller the more he swung away, face slowly heating up.
"Talking 'bout some pretty girl," you muttered under your breath, walking to the entrance of the building
who is this guy?
~
a/n: *takes in a big deep breath* I initially meant for this to be way shorter (10k ish words) but it kinda spiraled and now its more than double that so I had to split it into two parts 😞. the second part is ready just needs proofreading and a few tweaks. hope it doesn't disappoint because I put my entire coochie and butt into this.
You like museums because they are honest about silence.
People whisper there, but even that feels optional. Sound exists, but it never demands you. No one expects conversation, no one expects responses. You can exist fully inside yourself without apologizing for it.
That’s why you came today on your day off from the atelier.
This exhibition has been advertised everywhere in Seoul, contemporary reinterpretations of classical Korean landscapes. Posters plastered on subway walls, colors blooming against concrete, brushstrokes promising emotion.
Art speaks your language.
You arrive early, before the afternoon crowd gets too overwhelming. The museum smells faintly of polished floors and old paper. Sunlight filters through tall windows, washing everything in gold. Your footsteps echo softly, or at least you imagine they do. You’ve learned to construct sound from memory rather than experience.
As you step inside you immediately feel calm settle over you.
Paintings line the white walls of the museum like open windows into other worlds. Mountains dissolve into mist. Rivers stretch endlessly toward horizons painted with impossible patience. You move slowly, hands clasped behind your back, reading each plaque carefully.
You don’t rush art. You let it happen to you.
A group passes behind you, you feel the vibration of footsteps through the floor before you notice them in your peripheral vision. You shift aside politely, used to navigating spaces by motion rather than sound.
People talk. Mouths move. Laughter appears in shapes you recognize but cannot hear. You don’t mind anymore. You stopped minding many years ago.
Silence isn’t loneliness. It can become a home if you know how to welcome it.
You stop in front of a smaller painting, ink brush mountains rising sharply against a pale sky. The artist captured distance so perfectly you almost feel wind on your face. Your chest tightens the way it always does when something beautiful finds you unexpectedly.
You lean closer..and that’s when you notice him.
You notice him the way you notice art that doesn’t belong to the rest of the room. He stands several paintings away.
Tall.
Black hair falling softly across his forehead, slightly messy like he forgot to tame it before leaving home. He’s wearing a brownish long coat, neutral colors, nothing flashy, yet he looks impossibly out of place among ordinary visitors.
Beautiful is too small a word.
Your brain supplies it anyway.
Beautiful.
A properly beautiful man, and you get lost in your head about how you’re pretty sure, you have never seen anyone this good looking before. Is he from here? Is he a visitor?
He studies a painting with complete focus, head tilted slightly, lips parted as if he’s thinking something profound. His hands rest loosely in his pockets, posture relaxed but elegant.
You stare longer than you should, and you know you are staring but you can’t take your eyes off of his face. You tell yourself to look away.
You don’t. You can’t.
There’s something gentle about him, something quiet, and you catch yourself wonder what he sees in the painting, and then you wonder what his voice sounds like. You rarely think about voices, but his lips move slightly, almost forming words to himself, and suddenly curiosity blooms painfully inside your chest.
You look away quickly, embarrassed.
Focus on the art.
You move to the next piece.
Then the next.
But awareness of him follows you like warmth at your back. Each time you pretend not to look, you somehow find him again across the room, turning a corner, standing beneath another canvas. Maybe he’s moving through the exhibition at the same pace as you. Maybe you’re both drawn to the same pieces. Or maybe you’re just being delusional about your destiny bullshit.
You stop in a room with a huge piece, and the painting dominates the room.
It stretches across nearly an entire wall, a sweeping landscape of storm clouds breaking over a coastline, waves crashing in thick, violent strokes of blue & gray. Light cuts through the storm in one brilliant opening, illuminating a lone figure standing at the edge of the sea.
You feel it immediately.
The ache.
You walk closer and closer, until the rest of the world disappears. You imagine the roar of the ocean, not as sound, but as motion. As pressure. As something vast and overwhelming that exists whether you hear it or not. The lone figure in the painting looks small against the storm, yet unafraid.
You exhale slowly, and you sit on the bench placed before the artwork.
You always sit for paintings like this. Standing feels disrespectful when something demands your full attention. You fold your hands in your lap and let your eyes trace every brushstroke. Minutes pass, or maybe longer. Time behaves differently when you’re absorbed in beauty.
Your thoughts drift.
You think about the waves, what sounds they might make, and your thoughts lead you to roads you don’t want to take right now, like how people describe music as emotional. You’ve never known music. Sometimes people pity you for that, but standing here, feeling emotion swell so strongly it almost hurts, you wonder if music could really feel more alive than this.
You don’t think so.
You’re so lost in thought that you don’t notice him approach. Not until the bench shifts slightly beside you.
Your heart jumps and you glance sideways.
It’s him.
He is so much more unreal up close. His presence feels warm, and you study him from the corner of your eye as he looks at the painting in front of you.
Long fingers resting on his knees. Soft features sharpened by concentration. His eyes move across the canvas slowly, thoughtfully, and you watch yourself thinking that he looks like someone who feels deeply, just like you.
Then he turns slightly toward you, and his lips move.
You blink, not expecting any interaction at all with the beautiful stranger, as if you were invisible in this space and someone interacting with you was impossible.
You look around briefly, wondering if he’s speaking to someone else, but no one stands nearby.
You look back at him.
His mouth moves again. Gentle expression.
You catch only fragments, shapes of syllables, but he’s probably mumbling and being extra quiet given the space you’re in, so you can’t read his lips at all.
Your stomach drops.
Of course, of course he’s talking, and of course he’s talking to you.
Panic flutters in your chest with the familiar anxiety of misunderstandings. Of people thinking you’re ignoring them purposefully. One of those moment where the world just has to mind you that easy communication isn’t built for you.
You hesitate.
Maybe he wasn’t speaking to you after all.
You look back at the painting, pretending nothing happened, but then he leans slightly closer, clearly directing his attention at you this time.
His lips move again, slower. You recognize the expression now. He’s definitely talking to you.
Heat rises to your face, and you hate this part. The part where you must interrupt normalcy. The moment people’s expressions change, surprise, awkwardness, apology. You turn toward him fully and he waits politely, eyes kind.
You look at him in the eyes, his beautiful intense but kind eyes, and you shake your head, pointing at your ear and your cochlear implant.
Then you mouth silently and carefully, hoping he’ll understand.
I’m deaf.
His eyes widen slightly as he realises, and for a brief second you prepare yourself for the usual reaction, exaggerated apologies, embarrassment, people backing away because they don’t know what to do or how to respond back.
He nods slowly. Then he mouths something again, more carefully this time.
You catch nothing. Maybe because you’re so distracted by him, maybe because the beautiful stranger is literally sitting right next to you and is trying to talk to you.
He pauses.
Thinks.
Then, unexpectedly, he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out his phone.
You watch his every movement, surprised.
His fingers move quickly across the screen, and a moment later he turns his phone toward you.
“Sorry. I said the painting feels lonely but peaceful. I wondered if you thought the same since you’re sitting here too.”
You stare at the words. Then at him, and your chest does that thing again.
Most people would have simply smiled and stopped trying. They wouldn't try to have a conversation with you. But he was, he was trying. He was actively trying to communicate with you.
You take your own phone out, hands suddenly clumsy with awareness of him watching as you type.
“Yes. Like standing in a storm but not wanting to leave.”
You show him.
His eyes brighten instantly, he smiles and nods at you. Something about his reaction makes warmth spread through you.
He types again.
“Exactly.”
You both turn back toward the painting. Side by side. You can see a smile in his face, and you become acutely aware of everything.
The closeness of his shoulder. The subtle rise and fall of his breathing. The way he glances at the painting, then briefly at you, as if checking whether you’re experiencing the same emotion. Your heart beats faster.
Ridiculous.
You don’t even know his name. You don’t know anything about him. He’s just a beautiful stranger.
And then you catch him typing again, and directing his phone at you, again.
“Do you come to museums often?”
You nod, then write.
“Whenever I want to think.”
He smiles big at you and the smile changes his whole face, making it so soft and childlike, like he’s genuinely so unbelievably happy. And you almost forget how to breathe.
He writes.
“Funny you say that, me too.”
You want to ask more. So much more, but you hesitate. Conversations with strangers rarely last long. People move on. They always do. You don’t want to out yourself up for disappointment
Still, neither of you stands up to leave.
Minutes pass. Maybe more. You exist together in this shared silence, watching painted waves crash endlessly against a painted shore.
You glance at him again.. and he’s already looking at you.
Your gaze collides with his but neither of you looks away immediately. Something shifts. Unspoken. Fragile. Dangerous. You both smile at each other and he looks back at the painting, and he looks shy, cheeks red. You’re pretty sure you look like a radish yourself.
His phone lights up again in his hands. He hesitates before turning the screen toward you, but he does anyway.
“I’m Hyunjin by the way”
Hyunjin. You mouth it silently to yourself, testing how it looks. The name fits him somehow. Soft yet so elegant.
You quickly type your own name and turn your phone toward him.
He reads it carefully and smiles, the kind that reaches his eyes and lingers there, warm and bright, like he’s committing your name to memory.
Your stomach flips again at how pretty he looks.
He types again.
“Nice to meet you.”
You nod and type quickly.
“You too.”
It feels insufficient for the strange gravity of the moment, but you don’t know how else to explain what meeting him already feels like.
He looks at the painting again.
Then at you.
Then types:
“Do you want to see the rest together?”
Your heart stutters. You hadn’t expected that. You were just hoping to stay like this besides him for a few more minutes before he’s gone and you never see him again. You stare at the words longer than necessary, and he waits patiently, a look in his eyes as if hoping more than anything you’ll say yes.
You nod, a small movement, but his face lights up immediately.
You both stand at the same time, almost awkwardly synchronized, and a soft laugh escapes him, you see it in the way his shoulders lift, and you wonder what that sounded like.
You begin walking side by side through the gallery.
At first, neither of you types anything. You simply appreciate the art around you. Stopping before paintings and leaning closer to read descriptions. Then you start to occasionally exchanging phones for short comments.
“I like the colors here.”
“It feels nostalgic.”
“I think this one makes me sad. I’m not sure why.”
It’s all so natural and so not forced.
You notice how patient he is when typing, never rushing, and it’s all just making you feel like this is easy, after all, it’s not some huge inconvenience to him. He waits for your responses fully, eyes attentive, focused only on you when you write your words on the screen.
It’s rare. This is rare for you and you know it. People often grow restless. They get tired of having to do this. It has happened too many times. Boyfriends, friendships, coworkers.
The beautiful stranger in front of you doesn't stop. At least not yet.
You start noticing small things about him. The way he tilts his head when thinking. How expressive his eyes are and how carefully he observes everything.
You’re standing before a sculpture when Hyunjin suddenly pauses as if he forgot something, or her left something behind accidentally. He glances around the room, quick subtle movements, and then he reaches into his bag. You watch curiously as he pulls out a black cap. He slides it onto his head, lowering the brim slightly, and then a mask appears too, covering the lower half of his face.
Strange, you think. All of a sudden, why?
He wasn’t wearing any of that earlier when you saw him walk around the museum alone. Your brows knit together slightly and you look around instinctively.
Nothing seems different.
Only his eyes remain fully visible now. And because you stand beside him thankfully you can still see him clearly.
He notices you looking.
For a brief moment, embarrassment flashes across his eyes as he sees the confused look at your face.
He types quickly.
“Sorry. It's just something I have to do.”
You read it twice.
Why?
You glance at him again, puzzled. Again, you think about how free he looked before talking to you, what changed now?
You type back before thinking clearly.
“Not because of me I hope.” and you smile at him, as if joking. So awkward, why would you say that to him, so passive aggressive and for what? You just met the guy.. relax.
He immediately looks apologetic and there’s panic in his eyes. You’re a fucking idiot that’s for sure.
“Of course not!”
Relief softens the tightness in your chest. You hadn’t realized how much you were holding your breath. You nod lightly to show you understand, even if you don’t really. People have private reasons for things. Everyone carries pieces of themselves they don’t explain to strangers. You have no right to ask for explanations on anything.
He studies your face for a moment longer, as if making sure you truly believe him. Then his shoulders relax. Whatever tension had briefly appeared in him fades, replaced again by that quiet warmth you’ve begun associating with his presence.
You continue walking.
He stays slightly closer to you than before, positioning himself so that anyone passing would see mostly the side of his face turned away. When other visitors walk by, his posture shifts subtly, head lowered, brim of his cap shadowing his eyes.
It feels more like a habit of his. Like muscle memory.
You don’t ask why. You’re not going to ask him anything, he has his reasons. You just hope he’s not a criminal or something and he’s scared of being found.
You laugh in your head at the thought of this beautiful, kind man being a criminal.
You slow near the next painting and gesture toward it, inviting his attention back to something else. You both stop in front of a watercolor landscape, pale greens and soft blues melting into each other. He leans closer to read the description while you type a thought onto your phone.
“This one feels quiet.”
He reads it, then nods immediately.
He types
“Comfortable quiet.”
You smile.
Yes.
Exactly that.
The conversation resumes naturally after that. Whatever moment of tension existed dissolves into shared observation again, phones passing back and forth between you like a language only the two of you understand.
And you notice how attentive he is.
When you pause longer at a painting he waits for you. When you step closer to examine brushstrokes, he follows your lead. At one sculpture you circle slowly around it, studying how light changes the shadows, and when you turn he’s watching you instead of the art.
You pretend not to notice but your heart still reacts anyway. You show him another message.
“Do you like art a lot?”
He thinks before answering.
His thumbs hover over the screen longer this time.
“Yes. A lot. I try to make as much time for art as I can.”
You walk through the remaining galleries together, falling into an easy rhythm. Sometimes you talk through text. Sometimes you don’t talk at all. And somehow the silence between you never feels empty.
It feels shared.
At one point your hands brush accidentally while reaching toward the same information plaque. Both of you pull back at the same time. He laughs silently again, shoulders lifting, eyes crinkling above the mask.
You feel warmth rush to your face.
You type quickly, hiding your embarrassment behind humor.
“We have synchronized museum instincts.”
He grins and nods enthusiastically.
You don’t notice how often he looks at you now.
Not just glances.
Lingering looks.
As if he’s trying to memorize something.
Eventually the exhibition begins to thin out and visitors move toward the exit. Afternoon light grows stronger through the windows, signaling the end of the experience.
You reach the final gallery together and neither of you says anything. Neither of you rushes forward. It feels strangely similar to standing at the end of a good book, not wanting to turn the last page because finishing means losing it forever, that it’s over.
You slow your steps and he matches them automatically.
Outside the gallery doors the museum lobby stretches wide and bright. Reality waits there. You stop walking. He stops too. For a moment you both just stand facing each other. The silence changes. Not comfortable now, but fragile. Temporary.
You suddenly become aware that this was never guaranteed to last longer than today, longer than a few hours. That soon he will become a stranger again. You grip your phone slightly tighter.
He shifts his weight, eyes flicking down before returning to yours.
He’s nervous, you can feel it.
You’ve seen nervousness before, in yourself, in others trying to bridge uncertain moments. He types something. Stops and deletes it, then types again
Your heart begins beating faster.
Finally, he turns the screen toward you.
“Can I have your number Y/N? I understand if not, of course.”
You look at him. At the hidden half of his face. At the eyes that have stayed soft with you all afternoon, at the stranger who chose to stay instead of walking away when he realised communication was going to be more complicated than he's used to.
You type your number and you’re smiling down at his phone, and your fingers feel strangely unsteady as you hand the phone back to him.
He exhales, a subtle release of tension you almost miss. He saves it immediately, then types.
“I’m glad I met you today.”
Your throat tightens.
You reply.
“Me too.”
It feels inadequate compared to what you actually mean. You both linger a moment longer near the exit. Neither moving first.
Finally, you bow slightly, and he mirrors you instantly. You turn toward the doors, the remaining sunlight spilling across the floor ahead of you and each step away feels heavier than it should.
You reach the exit and something pulls at you. You glance back.. and he’s still standing there watching you. Not checking his phone. Not leaving.
When your eyes meet again he lifts his hand in a small wave and you immediately smile at him and wave back in a small movement, and then you step outside into the afternoon air, unaware that somewhere behind you Hyunjin remains still for several seconds longer.
As if leaving this moment is harder than he expected.
_
You didn’t expect him to text.
That’s the rule you’ve learned about people who show interest in you. People are not willing to do all that, to put this much effort. These beautiful moments don’t follow you home.
Still, when you step into your apartment you place your phone down on the table more carefully than usual. As if being gentle to your phone will make him text. You change clothes. Wash your hands. Make tea. The routine unfolds exactly as it always does, predictable.
Your apartment is quiet, as it always is.
You sit by the window, watching the city move below. Cars glide past. People talk animatedly on sidewalks, conversations you can see but never enter. And then.. with the corner of your eye you see your phone light up.
Your heart jumps before logic catches up and you go and pick it up way too quickly.
A message.
Unknown number.
You already know.
“Hey, it’s Hyunjin, from the museum. Did you get home safely?”
Warmth spreads through your chest so suddenly it genuinely embarrasses you. You type back immediately, then delete it. You’re being too fast. Too eager. You don’t want to make it seem like he’s all you could think about, even though that’s exactly what’s happening.
You wait for at least five minutes, just hoping he didn’t see you typing.
You: Hi. Yes. Did you?
The typing bubble appears almost instantly.
He was waiting too.
Hyunjin: Yes :) I keep thinking about the painting.
You smile instantly. You walk to the couch and sit down, pulling your legs beneath you.
You: The one with the storm?
Hyunjin: Yes. The one we met in front of.
Your breath catches. You stare at the message longer than necessary, unsure how to respond without revealing how much it affects you.
You: I can’t stop thinking about that piece too.
Three dots appear again.
Disappear.
Return.
You imagine him somewhere across the city, looking at his phone the same way you are now.
Hyunjin: I’m glad I talked to you today.
You blush like a schoolgirl. What even is this, why are you so effected by this man you barely know. Yes, he’s very attractive and he seems kind, but those things never effect you if you’re not knee deep in someone’s personality.
You: Me too, thank you for today.
The conversation ends there, but you can’t seem to be able to stop thinking about him for the rest of the night, before finally going to sleep, still thinking about him, replaying everything in your head.
_
As the days go by the beautiful stranger texts you nearly every day, almost always at the same hours, late evening, when the city softens and people begin disappearing into their private lives. And you blush and kick your feet like a teenager who’s interacting with a boy for the first time in her life every time you get a text from him.
At first, the questions are small.
Hyunjin: What do you usually do after work?
You: Go home. Read. Sometimes cook badly.
Hyunjin: Haha, I doubt it’s bad.
You: Do you paint?
Hyunjin: Yeah, I'm trying to find time for that.
You: What do you do for work?
Three dots appear.
Disappear.
Return.
Hyunjin: I’m a dancer.
You smile unconsciously. It fits him. The way he stood in front of the sculpture. The way his hands moved. The quiet awareness of his body in space.
You: That makes sense.
Hyunjin: Really? How come?
You hesitate, unsure how to explain something intuitive.
You: You notice things. Dancers notice things.
The typing bubble appears instantly.
Stops.
Appears again.
Hyunjin: I think you notice more than me.
The conversations grow slowly as days go by. He asks what silence feels like to you. No one has ever asked that before. You tell him silence isn’t always empty. It can be full. Full of movement, expressions, light shifting through rooms, people breathing.
He sends a message after several minutes.
Hyunjin: That sounds beautiful. I think sign language is very beautiful, maybe you can teach me something one day?
Your chest aches. Teach him sign? One day? This mean he's planning to see you again?
You: Oh, of course, if you'd like that :)
Hyunjin: I'd love it.
Some nights he tells you about the 'rehearsals' he has, as he calls them. You haven’t t quite understood what he does for work. Is he a dance teacher? Is he a backup dancer? He talks about long hours, sore feet and mirrors everywhere, and you imagine him practicing alone in a quiet studio.
You never push for details. You’ve learned people reveal only what they want to.
One evening after weeks of messages that feel strangely essential to your days, you type without overthinking.
You: I wish I could see you dance one day.
The message sends.
Immediately, the typing bubble appears.
Stops.
Appears again.
You watch it, heart beating faster than it should.
…typing…
…typing…
Then it disappears. Again. A minute passes. Two. Your stomach tightens.
Hyunjin: Maybe someday.
Another pause.
Hyunjin: Goodnight :)
You blink at the screen. Something about it feels unfinished. Like a door almost opened and then quietly shut again. What was he writing for minutes straight that he deleted?
You type goodnight back.
The next day passes without a text from him, and you don’t think much of it. People get busy. He clearly sounds like someone who has lots of work and lots of stuff to do. You go to work, come home, make tea and sit by the window as always.
Your phone stays dark.
Two days.
Five days.
A week.
No message.
You stop checking constantly. You place your phone face down now, as if removing the possibility will make disappointment smaller. It shouldn’t hurt. Yes, you both opened up a little bit about your lives, but still, you barely know him. But something settles quietly in your chest, familiar and heavy.
Because this is how it always happens.
People are kind at first. Curious. Interested. They like the novelty of learning how you communicate, the way you watch faces carefully, the patience required to speak with hands or typed words. But eventually comes the moment when effort becomes visible. When conversations require adjustment. When spontaneity disappears.
And then they fade.
Not cruelly or dramatically, but they do, and it always hurts the same. Maybe he wanted to meet with you, but the thought of having to text all the time made him change his mind.
You learned not to blame people for this.
And with him? You just tell yourself this was never different. You tell yourself that you knew better and to stop rereading the messages you exchanged the past weeks, and to stop wondering what he almost said that night.
Two weeks pass.
The rhythm of your life closes again around you, steady and predictable. Evening tea and city lights through your window. You feel foolish for having expected anything else. Some people are just passing moments. Beautiful ones, yes, but temporary. And you're still glad you got to know him even for just a bit. After all, he seemed like a nice, kind man.
_
It's Friday night and you’re halfway through washing dishes. You're planning on tidying up a bit, then putting on a movie and relaxing like that in front of the tv after a shitty day at the atelier.
You dropped your canvas, made a mess in the floor, ruined hours upon hours of hard work and had everyone trying to help you like you were some baby. You’re deaf, you’re not a toddler.
Everything today was just shit, and you deserved to relax and forget this day all together.
Suddenly your phone lights up on the counter. You don’t rush, you’ve trained yourself not to, and you're pretty much sure it's just your mom or your sister.
You dry your hands slowly.
His name.
Your heart forgets all the lessons you tried to teach it.
Hyunjin: Would you be up to meet again?
_
You start getting ready far too early.
The clock says you still have three hours before he arrives, yet you stand in front of your wardrobe like the decision carries unreasonable consequences. Shirts are lifted, held against your body, folded back again. Nothing feels right. Everything feels like trying too hard. You sit on the edge of your bed for a moment trying to catch your breath and looking at all the mess you’ve made in front of you.
You’re being so ridiculous. This is just tea. Just meeting a friend. Right? That’s what he is. A friend.
But your thoughts don’t cooperate. What if he realizes how exhausting it is to talk with you? The pauses while you type. The way conversations sometimes need to slow down or the constant awareness required to communicate with you. People always say it doesn’t matter at first. And then later it does.
You smooth your hands over the clothes you finally picked. A long skirt and a beautifully detailed top.
You tell yourself not to hope too much. To treat this as meeting a friend and nothing else. This is not a date, not a romantic one at least.
The message he sent yesterday replays in your mind.
Would you be up to meet again?
And then the location he chose.
A tea house.
You had mentioned weeks ago casually that tea makes you feel calm and that you collect different kinds, that choosing tea feels like choosing a mood.
He remembered.
The realization warmed you more than the invitation itself. He listens. He listens and he notices and he remembers. You'd be happy even having him in your life as just a friend, so you just hope tonight goes well.
The tea house isn’t in town. It sat far outside the city, near the hills, almost hidden, and you wondered why he would choose somewhere so far when there were dozens of tea places closer. The thought lingered, unanswered. And you didn’t have time to care.
Your phone lights up.
Hyunjin: I’m outside.
Your heart leaps. You grab your bag, check your reflection one last time and step outside.
The car waiting at the curb makes you slow down.
Sleek. Black. You can tell this is a nice, expensive car. Dancers don’t usually drive cars like that. Or do they? Before you can think longer, the driver’s door opens. Hyunjin steps out, and for a moment your brain stops working properly.
He looks unfairly beautiful.
Soft black hair falling into his eyes, simple clothes somehow looking elegant on him, long coat moving slightly with the breeze. There’s nothing flashy about him, yet everything about him draws attention effortlessly. He has a cup on again, a cup that hides most of his face.
He smiles when he sees you and it makes your stomach flip.
Oh no.
He looks even better than you remembered. How are you supposed to try become friends with someone you are so attracted to? A man so beautiful your heart is doing backflips inside your chest. This is never going to work. But you will try, you will do anything to keep him in your life, you're already sure of it.
He walks toward you, slightly nervous energy in his movements. Then he pauses, studying you carefully. He lifts his phone, types quickly, and shows you.
Hyunjin: How do you sign “beautiful” ?
You blink, surprised. You demonstrate slowly, showing him the motion, and his eyes follow your hands with intense focus, repeating the movement carefully, almost reverently.
He signs it back to you.
Beautiful. And points at you right after.
Heat rushes to your face instantly and you're pretty sure your cheeks are red, and he definitely noticed, because the corner of his eyes crinkles as a small smirk appears. You look away, suddenly very interested in the pavement.
The drive is quiet but comfortable.
He occasionally glances at you, like he’s reassuring himself you’re really there. The city slowly fades behind you, buildings giving way to open views and softer landscapes.
You watch the scenery change, curiosity returning. Why here? Why somewhere so far away? But you will not ask. Somehow, the distance feels intentional. Private. Safe. And you find that nice, you trust him. Maybe he just wants to be far away from people because it will be overwhelming having to text and hear all the noise all at once.
The tea house appears nestled between trees, large windows facing an expansive view of hills stretching toward the sea. When you step inside you can see that there are barely any people, and the air smells faintly of jasmine and citrus. They seat you by the window and the view was breathtaking.
For a while, neither of you speaks. You simply sit there, sharing the calm. Then he types something and turns the phone toward you.
Hyunjin: I’m sorry I disappeared.
You blink, caught off guard by the directness.
Hyunjin: Work became overwhelming. I didn’t want to text carelessly.
You nod slowly and you type back.
You: It’s okay.I thought maybe you got tired of talking to me.
You immediately wish the floor would open up and you’d disappear inside it. Why would you just blurt that out so easily? What is wrong with you?
His reaction is immediate. His eyes widen, genuine shock crossing his face. He shakes his head quickly.
Hyunjin: Of course not.
He hesitates before continuing.
Hyunjin: Why would you think that?
You stare at your hands before answering. You already fucked up by being completely honest, you might as well explain.
You: People usually do. They don’t always have patience. Talking with me takes effort.
You expect sympathy or awkward reassurance. Instead, his expression just softens, and he types slower this time.
Hyunjin: Talking to you is easy.
Your chest tightens, and you're still not used to the feeling even though he's making you feel like this way too often.
You hadn’t noticed how tightly you were holding yourself together until the tea arrived. Steam curls upward between you, carrying the faint scent of chamomile and something floral you don’t recognize. The porcelain cups are warm against your fingers.
Hyunjin watches you as you lift the cup.
Hyunjin: Can I ask something personal?
You nod immediately. You’re surprised by how easily trust comes with him.
Hyunjin: Were you always deaf?
You smile at his genuine curiosity and type back.
You: Yes. I was born this way.
You pause, then add more.
You: My parents found out when I was a baby. I have never experienced sound, so I don’t feel like I lost anything.
Hyunjin: Does the cochlear implant help you catch anything?
You reach up instinctively, fingers brushing the small processor resting behind your ear.
You: Sometimes, yes. In quiet places, I can pick up bits of sound, but it doesn’t come through clearly. It’s more like my brain turning electrical signals into rough shapes of meaning. I guess. Speech is the hardest. Some sounds are clearer than others, but none of it feels natural. And I get tired quickly, listening takes effort
He nods as he reads.
Hyunjin: Can you hear your own voice?
You: Not really. I feel it more than hear it.
You tap lightly against your throat.
You: Like vibration inside my chest.
His expression changes, something tender flickering there, and you realize he’s imagining it. Trying to understand your world from the inside.
He types again, slower this time.
Hyunjin: Thank you for explaining it to me.
You nod and smile at him.
Hyunjin: And do your parents know sign language?
You: Kind of, they're still learning, but we can communicate comfortably for the most part.
He smiles.
Hyunjin: I want to learn too.
You look up at him, smiling big without meaning to.
You: I'll teach you then.
And he nods excitingly, as he types again.
Hyunjin: Tell me about your paintings, about your work!
You describe them shyly at first, talking about your favourite techniques and explain how painting feels like translating emotions you can’t always express otherwise. He reads your messages intensely, elbows resting on the table, completely focused. You talk more than you meant to and you open up to him quickly.
Eventually, without thinking, the words slip out.
You: You could come to my house and see them sometime… if you want.
The moment you turn the phone towards him for him to read you immediately regret it and try to take the phone back, but he stops you and holds your hand, turning the phone back to himself. Soft hands, his long fingers making you feel dizzy.
Focus, you're trying to be his friend.
You read his lips: “Let me see.”
You look down quickly, wishing you could pull the invitation back.
He goes still, and you can see uncertainty flicker across his face as he reads it. You rush to type again.
You: Only if you want. No pressure!!!!!!!!
He interrupts gently, typing as a small laugh leaves his throat and you catch the movement.
Hyunjin: I’d like that.
You look at him and he nods once, as if confirming the decision to himself as much as to you. Warmth spreads through you, mixed with nervous excitement.
You: Enough about me though, tell me about yourself too.
He laughs and types.
Hyunjin: I’m not very interesting.
You snort softly before you can stop yourself, and you wonder if the sound you made just now sounded weird. You hope not, and you see him smile, so you don’t think about it too much.
You: That’s not true.
He smiles at your quick response, shoulders relaxing slightly, and he tries again.
Hyunjin: I dance. That’s most of my life.
You nod, already knowing that part, but you wait for him to continue.
Hyunjin: I started young. Training took a lot of time. Long days. Late nights. I still practice almost every day.
You: What kind of dance?
He tilts his head, thinking how to answer.
Hyunjin: Different styles. Contemporary, hip hop, performance dance.
You: Do you like it?
His answer comes immediately this time.
Hyunjin: Yes. When I dance, I don’t think about anything else.
You smile. You understand that feeling. Painting does the same for you.
You: That’s how painting feels for me.
He nods eagerly, clearly happy at the connection.
Hyunjin: Then you understand.
Golden light stretches across the road as you walk back to the car together, and the drive feels different now. You feel closer to him after the talk you had. You feel like you know more about him, but still, you know there's so much more. You can feel that he’s holding back, you just can't put your finger on what it is.
When the car stops outside your apartment your heartbeat picks up again. He picks up his phone after stopping the car right in front of your door and types.
Hyunjin: I have time to see your painting now, if you’re okay with that.
You look at him, not ready for this to happen so fast, but you want him to come and see so bad that you just can’t find it in you to care if your apartment is messy. You nod eagerly.
_
He’s here. About to see your space. Your world. You glance at him, unsure if he’s nervous too, and he meets your eyes and smiles softly.
He follows you quietly into your apartment and the moment the door closes behind him something shifts in the air. You don’t turn on the big overhead light. Instead you move through the small space flipping on the many warm lamps you’ve collected over the years, soft golden pools of light that make the cozy room feel even smaller, more intimate.
The apartment is tiny, walls lined with bookshelves and half finished canvases. The air smells faintly of oil paint, chamomile tea and a lavender candle that even though wasn't lit you could still smell it.
Having him here feels… overwhelming, in a good, perfect way.
Hyunjin looks impossibly beautiful under the warm lamplight. The harsh edges of the outside world are gone. His black hair falls softly across his forehead as he takes his cap off, catching threads of gold. His long coat is draped over the back of your old armchair, and in just a simple black sweater, he seems softer, more real. Every time he moves the light shifts across his face, highlighting the gentle slope of his nose, the curve of his lips, the depth in his eyes. He looks like one of your paintings come to life, something delicate and aching all at once.
You lead him to the corner where you paint. The space is cramped but warm, brushes resting in jars, colors smeared on an old wooden palette. Several canvases are propped against the wall, your private little windows into everything you feel.
Hyunjin crouches down slowly so he can see better, eyes moving across each piece with genuine focus. He studies the stormy seascape, soft misty mountains, and the smaller abstract works where colors bleed into emotions you’ve never named out loud.
His expression changes as he looks. First curiosity, then quiet surprise, and finally something close to awe. He leans closer to one particular canvas, a figure standing on a cliff as golden light breaks through heavy clouds, and his lips part slightly.
He pulls out his phone, but then seems to change his mind. Instead, he looks up at you, eyes bright, and slowly signs the word you taught him earlier.
Beautiful.
The movement is careful, a little clumsy but full of effort. His long fingers shape the sign with reverence.
You look up at him, heart pounding so loudly you can feel it in your throat. Without thinking, you sign back “Thank you”, and you mouth the word silently at the same time.
For a moment, the world narrows to just the two of you under the warm lamplight.
Hyunjin’s gaze softens. He rises slowly from his crouch until he’s standing close, closer than he’s ever been. The air between you feels charged, fragile, full of all the unspoken things that have been growing since you met. His eyes drop to your lips for half a second, then return to yours, asking without words.
And then he just leans in.
The kiss is impossibly soft.
Tentative at first, like he’s afraid of breaking the quiet you both cherish. His lips are warm and gentle against yours, tasting faintly of the tea you shared earlier. There’s no rush, only tenderness. One of his hands comes up to cup your cheek with feather light care, thumb brushing your skin.
Your eyes flutter closed. After a heartbeat of surprise, you lean in and kiss him back, your hands rising to rest lightly against his chest. You can feel the steady, slightly faster beat of his heart under your palm. The kiss deepens just a little, still soft, still slow.
When you finally pull apart you’re both breathing a little heavier. His forehead rests gently against yours for a moment, eyes closed, as if he’s savoring the closeness, and you can feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.
He pulls back just enough to look at you, then reaches for his phone with slightly unsteady fingers.
Hyunjin: I wanted to do this since the moment I saw you in front of that painting.
You smile, cheeks flushed, and you grab his phone to type back
You: I wanted you to do this since that moment too, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
His eyes are warm and shiny as he reads.
Hyunjin: I don’t want to scare you with how much I already like you. But being here, in your space, seeing your art… it feels like I’m seeing the real you. And I like her so much.
Your chest tightens with a sweet ache.
You: I’m not scared of you.
The hour now has grown late, and Hyunjin glances at the time on his phone, reluctance clear in his expression.
Hyunjin: I have early practice tomorrow… I should go. Thank you for letting me into your world tonight.
You smile at him as he touched your face one last time, and you walk to the door together. He puts his coat back on and pulls the mask and cap from his pocket, preparing once again for the outside world. Before he steps out, he turns to you one more time.
He leans down and presses a final, tender kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a few heartbeats, and you melt completely. Then he pulls back, eyes soft.
You sign “Goodnight” slowly as you mouth it, and he repeats the sign back to you with a smile.
You stand there for a long moment, fingers touching your lips where he kissed you, the warmth of his presence still lingering in your small apartment.
_
The next afternoon you stepped out to buy groceries, still carrying the warm glow from last night’s kiss. Your steps felt lighter. The world seemed a little softer, and you wanted more than anything to make soup.
You loved soup, and you loved making it. It felt so cozy to make soup. Mushroom soup, carrot soup, chicken soup, onion soup. You’ve tried everything, all of it equally delicious.
You got your groceries and you decided to go home from a different route, to walk around a little longer since the day was so nice. You turned the corner onto the main street, and right there as you looked up, you froze.
There, towering over the busy intersection was a massive billboard. Bright, impossible to miss. Hyunjin’s face, the face of the boy who was in your apartment last night filled most of it, sharp eyes, styled hair, wearing a striking outfit, promoting a luxury brand.
Your bags slipped from your fingers.
The world tilted. You stared, frozen on the sidewalk as people walked past you. Your chest tightened painfully. That was him. Your Hyunjin, splashed across a building like he belonged to everyone.
What the fuck? Is this actually him? Or is this a sick joke? Does he have a fucking twin or something? No. There’s no way that’s him.
_
The groceries hit the floor the moment the door of your apartment closed, milk carton cracking open, vegetables rolling across the tiles.
You didn’t care.
Hands shaking, you opened your laptop and typed “Hyunjin” into the search bar. You didn’t even know his last name, there’s no way anything will come up with just his name.
The page loaded.
Thousands of results.
Photos. Videos. News articles. “Hwang Hyunjin” — Stray Kids. Born March 20, 2000. Main dancer, rapper, visual. Millions of followers. Fancams. Magazine covers.
His face was everywhere.
You clicked frantically. More images flooded the screen, him on stage, glowing with confidence, blonde hair in older clips, intense expressions, surrounded by seven other men. He looked so different yet the same. Powerful. Distant. Like a completely different person from the man who had kissed you so tenderly the other night.
And then the betrayal hit and you felt tears running down your face.
He had lied to you. Not directly, but by omission. While you poured out your world to him he had hidden this enormous part of himself. The cap, the mask, the faraway tea house, the sudden disappearances… it all made brutal sense now.
Is he really that ashamed of me?
The thought tore through you. That’s why he hid his face whenever you were together. To protect himself. So no one would see the famous idol standing next to the deaf girl.
Tears burned hot down your cheeks.
You curled up on the floor beside the spilled groceries, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. The apartment felt too small, too quiet, too full of him. You cried until your eyes ached and your chest felt hollow.
How could he do this?
_
The next morning your phone lit up.
Hyunjin: Hey. I keep thinking about your paintings… and you. How are you today?
You read it. Your thumb hovering over the keyboard, but you can’t bring yourself to answer. The hurt is too raw, too fresh.
Twenty minutes later, another message.
Hyunjin: Did you sleep well? I know I left late the other day, I hope I didn’t mess up your sleep schedule. if you’re busy, it’s okay. Just let me know you’re alright?
Read. No reply.
An hour passes.
Hyunjin: Is everything okay? I’m getting a little worried. Did I do something wrong?
You still couldn’t answer and the tears came again. Why was he doing this? What did he want from you? Why is he texting you acting like he cares if he’s so embarrassed to be around you to the point he has to hide under masks?
Then, late in the afternoon another message.
Hyunjin: Please talk to me. Even if it’s just one word. I can’t stop thinking that I messed up the moment I left your apartment. You’re important to me. I don’t want to lose this.
Something inside you snapped. You typed with trembling fingers, vision blurred
You: Are you embarrassed of me, Hwang Hyunjin? Is that why you were hiding your face every time we were together? What do you want from me exactly?
The message sent.
You saw the “Read” notification almost instantly.
He didn’t reply.
_
You feel slightly calmer now after getting that out of your chest, calm enough to look him up again. With a clearer head now, not filled with shock. You searched his name once more and click on a music video titled “God’s Menu.”
The video starts, and you can’t hear a single note. Hyunjin appears on screen, younger, with striking blonde hair, moving with fierce, sharp precision. His expressions are powerful, almost predatory, completely different from the gentle person who had crouched in front of your paintings to look. There were seven other men with him, all radiating raw energy and charisma. The choreography was intense, synchronized, explosive.
He had opened up to you about dancing, about how it made him forget everything. But he never told you this was his life. Why? Why were you not allowed to know about this?
Fresh tears slipped down your cheeks. The disappointment felt heavier than the anger now. You had trusted him, but he hadn’t trusted you with this.
It was past 9 p.m when your phone buzzed again.
Him.
Hyunjin: I’m outside your apartment. Please… can I come up and explain? Just five minutes. I’ll leave right after if you want me to.
Your heart clenched. Part of you wanted to ignore him. The bigger part, the one that still remembered his soft lips kissing you, made you walk to the door. You were angry, but you were mostly curious. Curious to know what the fuck he wants from you and why he hid this.
Hyunjin stood there in the dim hallway light, mask pulled down, eyes wide with worry and something else.. fear?.
He looked exhausted. He stepped inside carefully when you moved aside, and the moment the door closed he started typing frantically, then stopped and tried to speak slowly so you could read his lips.
“I’m not embarrassed of you,” he said clearly, voice careful. “Never. Please believe that.”
You stared at him, arms wrapped around yourself.
He continued, typing and showing you the screen.
Hyunjin: My company has very strict rules. Idols aren’t allowed to date publicly. If fans see me with someone, especially if pictures get taken, it can turn into a huge scandal. It could hurt my members, my career… and the person I’m with. I was trying to protect you. Your life and identity. I don’t want cameras or hate coming after you because of me. I was going to tell you. I swear. I just… I wanted you to like me for me, the guy who sat next to you in the museum.
His eyes were glassy and he looked genuinely devastated. Breaking your heart seeing him like this even though you were still upset with him.
“I’m so sorry,” he mouthed. “I never meant to hurt you like this.”
You felt your own tears return. The anger cracked, leaving only hurt and sudden guilt.
You didn’t know any of this. You weren’t familiar with idol culture, hell, you couldn’t even listen to music.
You typed with shaky hands.
You: Okay, I get that, I’m sorry for reacting like this. I saw you on a billboard and then I googled you. So many people know you. Why do i not deserve to? I just instinctively thought you’re embarrassed of me because of my disability.
Hyunjin shook his head fiercely and pulled you into his arms without hesitation. He held you tight, one hand gently cradling the back of your head. You clung to him, face buried in his chest, shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. He rubbed slow circles on your back, patient and warm.
After a long while, he pulled back just enough to type.
Hyunjin: I really like you Y/N, and I don’t give a fuck that you’re deaf. It’s just another beautiful part of you, nothing more, nothing less.
You read the text and looked up in his eyes, more tears forming in your eyes, in his too. And you hugged again, tightly, as he kissed the top of your head.
After a while like this..
You: I saw the music videos. You look so cool, and you dance so unbelievably great. I wish I could hear your music
The sadness in your own expression was impossible to hide. Hyunjin’s face softened and he cupped your cheeks gently, thumbs brushing away your tears. He leaned in and kissed you, soft, deep, full of apology and longing. You kissed him back desperately, clinging tighter, your hands fisting in his shirt as if he might disappear.
The kiss grew heavier. Your body pressed closer to his, seeking comfort, connection, anything to fill the ache. Your hands slid under his coat, under his sweater, touching his waist and now actively pulling him toward the bedroom as you kiss.
Hyunjin understood immediately and he stopped you gently as he smiled, breaking the kiss, forehead resting against yours.
He shook his head no, breathing uneven, cheeks flushed.
“Not like this,” he mouthed slowly, making sure you could read his lips. “You’re upset. I don’t want you to.. regret it later.”
And his words are kind but they still hit you like cold water. Your hands loosen from his sweater immediately, heat rushing to your face. Embarrassment floods through you so quickly it almost hurts. You pull back a little too fast, avoiding his eyes.
Of course.
Of course you misread everything and embarrassed yourself again.
You stare at the floor, fingers twisting together. You type quickly on your phone, movements slightly clumsy.
You: I’m so sorry. That was stupid. I didn’t mean to-
Before you can finish, he gently catches your wrist. His expression changes instantly, concern replacing surprise.
He shakes his head, almost panicked.
“No,” he mouths quickly. “No, no.”
He takes your phone, typing himself.
Hyunjin: Hey. It’s okay. Really. You didn’t do anything wrong. We can do that some other time, when you’re feeling better. I want it too.
He looks at you and smiles, warm, reassuring, the kind of smile meant to pull you out of your own thoughts. He’s still standing so close and it doesn’t help that you’ve touched his bare waist. You’re still embarrassed, and you don’t know what to do with your hands for the first time maybe ever.
His hand lifts slowly, hesitant, giving you time to pull away if you want.
You don’t.
His fingers tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Then he leans in again. Gentle, soft kiss, slow. Not desperate or overwhelming, reassurance pressed quietly against your lips.
When he pulls back his forehead rests against yours again for a second, both of you smiling a little shyly now. The tension melts and you breathe out a small laugh, still embarrassed but lighter. And he smiles at the sound you made.
He gestures towards the couch and you nod.
You sit side by side, knees touching, your shoulders brushing occasionally as you both pull out your phones to talk. The room feels calmer now. Safe again.
You glance at him, then type.
You: So… idol.
He groans immediately, covering his face with one hand, and you grin.
You: You hid that pretty well.
Hyunjin: I wasn’t trying to lie. I just… wanted you to meet me first.
You tilt your head, teasing.
You: So you’re secretly mega famous and thought I wouldn’t notice?
He laughs, shoulders shaking.
Hyunjin: You didn’t notice.
You nudge his arm.
You: I thought you were just suspiciously pretty.
He pretends to look offended, placing a hand dramatically over his heart. You both laugh, the last bit of awkwardness dissolving between you, but your next message is softer.
You: I was really hurt yesterday. It really shocked me and my mind went to the worse case scenario.
His smile faded, replaced by something serious.
Hyunjin: I know. I’m really sorry. I should’ve thought of the possibility of hurting you like this.
He looks at you while you read it, eyes vulnerable in a way that doesn’t match the polished image he probably shows the world.
Hyunjin: I was scared you’d treat me differently or feel like my life was too much.
Your chest tightens. You don’t type this time. You just lean in and kiss him. A quiet answer. Forgiveness. When you pull back he looks stunned and then relieved, smiling wider than you’ve seen all night.
You stand up suddenly and he blinks in confusion. You gesture toward the kitchen.
“Tea” you mouth, and sign it at the same time.
His face lights up immediately.
He watches you move around the kitchen, comfortable in your own space, sleeves pushed up as you prepare tea. Something about the normalcy of it seems to calm him more than anything else tonight. When you return handing him a warm cup his fingers brush yours deliberately.
He mouths thank you, and he tries to sign it from memory. His movement is a little clumsy, but you help him get it right as you both smile.
You grab the remote and put on some anime show you’ve left unfinished, looking at him to make sure he’s also cool with your choice, and his eyes widen in excitement as he nods immediately.
As the show starts playing quietly the screen colors flickering across the room. He keeps glancing at you more than the show at first, like he’s still grounding himself in the fact that you’re okay, that you’re still here with him.
Eventually you settle closer. Your head rests against his shoulder and his arm hesitates only a second before wrapping around you carefully, pulling you into his side.
He’s warm. steady, safe.
You both watch episode after episode, occasionally passing the phone back and forth to comment or joke. At some point you stop typing altogether. You’re just… comfortable. Your breathing slows and your body grows heavier against him, and a few minutes later he looks down and realises you’ve fallen asleep on him, your cheek pressed against his chest as one of your hands loosely hold his shirt.
His expression softens instantly and he stays still for a long time, unwilling to disturb you, watching your peaceful face like it’s something fragile.
After an hour he carefully shifts, sliding one arm under your knees and the other behind your back as he lifts you. You stir slightly but don’t wake, instinctively leaning closer into him.
He smiles at that. Finding it adorable.
Carrying you to the bedroom feels strangely intimate, more intimate than any of the kisses you’ve shared. He lays you gently on the bed, pulling the blanket over you and tucking it around your shoulders. He just stands there for a moment, watching you, memorizing your face as his fingers brush lightly against your hair.
He mouths quietly, though you can’t hear it,
“Goodnight baby”
And he hesitates… but then leans down and presses one last soft kiss to your forehead before he leaves. And the apartment returns to silence but holds all of the warmth he left behind.
_
Morning arrives slowly.
Sunlight slips through your curtains in golden lines, warming the blankets tangled around you. For a moment you don’t move, you just lie there, half awake, wrapped in the lingering feeling of last night.
Then memory returns all at once.
Hyunjin, the apologies, what almost happened but he’s just so sweet and considerate, the couch, the tea, his arms around you, falling asleep against him.
Your eyes snap open and you sit up quickly, looking around your room. Deep inside you hoping he’s here. A small flicker of disappointment rises… until your phone lights up beside you.
Hyunjin: Good morning! You fell asleep during episode four.
Your heart jumps, and you open the messages immediately. A smile spread across your face as another message appears.
Hyunjin: I carried you to bed. I hope that was okay. I had work pretty early today so I had to go.
You press your lips together, warmth blooming in your chest at the thought.
Hyunjin: Also… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry again for upsetting you. I never want to make you feel unsure of my intentions again.
You reread that one twice. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, but before you can answer, another message arrives.
Hyunjin: I have an idea, and a feeling you’re going to like it. Can I pick you up later?
You don’t even realize you’re smiling until your cheeks start hurting.
You: You don’t have to apologize anymore Hyun. And yes, you can pick me up!
Hyun.
He smiles at the nickname.
He’s down horribly and he knows it.
_
You notice immediately that this drive feels different. He looks excited but nervous too. His fingers tap lightly against the steering wheel while he glances at you every few seconds, like he’s waiting for your reaction before the surprise even happens.
The car stops in front of a large building and you tilt your head questioningly. He grins, a little shy, a little proud over his idea, and gestures for you to follow him.
You immediately realise you’re in a company building. The hallways are never ending, and staff members bow politely as he passes. You notice it, the familiarity, the respect, the way people instantly recognize him. This is his world. Some of them look at you with a strange look on their faces, but they don’t try to interact with you at all, so you simply follow Hyunjin.
He opens a door carefully.
A.. studio?
You’re suddenly inside a huge recording studio. And right there in front of you is another man who looks back at you and Hyunjin and smiles fondly. Does he know you?
Hyunjin signs slowly as he points at him for you to look:
“Friend”
Chan immediately mirrors the greeting, giving you an enthusiastic wave. His smile is kind, gentle in a way that eases your nerves instantly. He types something quickly on a tablet and turns it toward you.
Chan: Hi! I’m Chan, Hyunjin’s bandmate. Hyunjin talks about you a lot. Welcome to our studio. It’s nice to finally meet you”
You smile at him and nod.
He talks about you? He’s.. talked about you to his members? To his group?
Suddenly Hyunjin takes your hand and leads you towards an enormous speaker setup. Huge. Almost intimidating. He suddenly looks nervous, searching your face for trust.
He signs slowly so you can follow every movement.
“I want you to feel my music.”
Did he do research? How does he know how to signs sentences all of a sudden? Your head is already spinning at the fact he’s fully signing before what he actually said even registers.
He guides your hand gently toward the large speaker, an enormous one that’s resting against the wall.
The music starts, and..
BOOM.
A deep vibration surges through the speaker and travels straight into your palm. Strong and alive and you gasp, eyes widening.
The bass pulses again, and again and again. You feel it climb up your arm, into your chest, into your bones. Instinctively, your other hand presses over your heart. The beat syncs beneath your palm. You’re feeling it. Feeling him. His art, his effort. His voice translated into movement, into vibration and emotion.
Your smile grows uncontrollably and you know your eyes are shinning, and then tears spill before you even realize you’re crying. Hyunjin freezes when he sees them.
For one terrifying second he thinks Did I overwhelm her? Did I do something wrong?
But then you laugh silently through your tears, gripping the speaker tighter, shoulders shaking with emotion. And he understands. You feel it. You feel him. He steps closer, overwhelmed himself now, and gently cups your face. His thumbs wipe your tears away one by one, and then he leans down, kissing them softly from your cheeks.
Behind you Chan quietly smiles, and without a word he slips out of the room, closing the door, giving you privacy, protecting the moment.
Hyunjin rests his forehead against yours, the music still pulses through the floor, through your hands, through your heart.
He signs slowly, again: I wanted to share my world with you.
You squeeze his hand, pressing it over your chest so he can feel your heartbeat racing beneath his palm and you kiss kid knuckles.
That’s your answer.
He exhales shakily, overwhelmed by how deeply this moment means means to him, and scared of how much you mean to him.
The tears on your cheeks had barely dried when something shifted in the air between you. His breathing grew heavier, you could feel it. His thumbs stroked your skin once more, then slid down to your jaw.
He kissed you again, hard, passionate, desperate.
It wasn’t like his usual gentle kisses. This one carried everything he had been holding back, longing, fear, and overwhelming want.
His lips moved against yours with urgent hunger, tongue slipping into your mouth as his hands slid into your hair, tilting your head exactly how he wanted and you whimpered into the kiss, hands fisting in his shirt.
He started to guide you to the couch now, and he locked the studio door with one hand without breaking the kiss.
He sat down on the wide, comfortable studio couch and pulled you with him. You climbed into his lap without thinking, knees bracketing his hips, straddling him. The moment your bodies pressed together you both instinctively moaned. And oh you were needy. So needy. And so was he. And the little sounds you were making were driving him crazy.
Your hips started moving on their own, grinding down against the growing hardness in his pants. The friction was delicious, and you rocked against him again and again, chasing the pressure. He groaned deeply, the sound vibrating against your lips as his hands gripped your waist, guiding your movements.
“Fuck… baby,” he breathed against your neck, making sure you could feel the low rumble of his voice. “You’re so eager for me…”
You answered by rolling your hips harder, desperate little sounds slipping from your throat. The music continued to pulse around you, deep bass thumping through the couch, through his body, into yours. Every beat seemed to sync with the way you moved against him.
Hyunjin’s hands slid under your shirt, palms hot against your bare skin. He helped you pull the fabric over your head, then leaned forward to kiss and bite softly at your neck and collarbone while you continued grinding down on him. The humping grew more frantic, and your breathing was ragged, thighs trembling around his hips as you rubbed yourself against his clothed cock again and again.
He was breathing hard too, forehead pressed to your shoulder, groaning every time you rolled your hips just right.
After several long minutes of this, he finally slid one hand between your bodies. His long fingers slipped under your skirt and into your panties, finding you already soaked.
“So wet for me baby” he said, making sure you read his lips, and his words made you shiver.
He circled your clit slowly at first, then faster. Two of his long, elegant fingers pressed inside you, curling gently, opening you up. He scissored them slowly, stretching you, stroking that sensitive spot inside while his thumb continued rubbing your clit.
You clung to his shoulders, hips rocking desperately onto his fingers, soft whimpers turning into broken moans. Hyunjin watched your face the entire time, eyes dark and full of adoration, occasionally leaning in to kiss you deeply whenever your sounds grew louder.
When he felt you were ready, trembling and dripping around his fingers, he pulled them out gently.
He quickly opened his pants, freeing himself. His cock was hard, flushed, already leaking at the tip. He looked up at you, breathing heavily, eyes sparkling and asking for permission even now. And you answered by lifting your hips, pushing your panties aside, and slowly sinking down onto him.
The stretch was intense.
You gasped, forehead falling against his as you took him inch by inch. Hyunjin’s hands gripped your hips tightly, but he didn’t push, he let you control the pace, groaning deeply every time you sank a little lower.
When he was fully inside you, buried to the hilt, you both stayed still for a moment, breathing each other in.
Then you started moving.
Slow at first. Rolling your hips in deep, sensual circles. Hyunjin’s head fell back against the couch, lips parted, low groans spilling from his throat and you wrapped one arm gently around his neck so you could feel every groan, every moan through your palm. And every time you felt it you’d squeeze him inside you so deliciously.
His hands guided you, helping you ride him harder, deeper.
“You feel so fucking good,” he groaned, looking at you straight in the eyes as he spoke “So tight… so warm… all mine. My perfect girl.”
Your pace quickened. You rode him with desperate need, breasts bouncing slightly with every movement, hands clutching his shoulders for balance. Hyunjin met every roll of your hips with upward thrusts, fucking up into you while keeping one hand on your lower back, pressing you closer.
When you finally came it hit you so hard. Your body clenched around him, a silent cry tearing from your throat as waves of intense pleasure crashed through you. Hyunjin followed right after, pulling out of you quickly, a shuddering groan you felt vibrate through your entire chest. His arms wrapped tightly around you, holding you against him as he spilled on his stomach.
You looked down at the beautiful mess he had made in himself, and you picked some of it with your finger, bringing it to your mouth.
His head was going to explode. The expressions on his face priceless, making you wet all over again by just how hot he looked looking at you.
His hands started to stroke your back slowly, tenderly. He pressed soft kisses to your sweaty temple, your cheek, your lips. His fingers brushed damp strands of hair away from your face with such gentle care it made your chest ache.
“I think i’m falling in love with you” he mouthed and touched his heart.
Your eyes widened, a smile you couldn’t control. You fell on his chest and kissed him, and you could feel each other’s smiles through the kiss
“Me too” you mouthed back.
You buried your face in his neck, arms wrapped tightly around him, heart still racing.
_
The award still feels unreal in his hands even hours later.
Even after the stage lights, the cameras, the cheers vibrating through the arena floor, the weight of the trophy resting beside the table keeps pulling Hyunjin back to reality.
They won.
The restaurant is loud, warm, crowded with late night laughter and clinking glasses. The members insisted on going out if they won, no managers hovering too closely tonight, just eight exhausted men finally allowed to breathe.
Chan lifts his glass.
“To surviving another year”
Everyone cheers. Glasses collide.
Hyunjin smiles, but his mind drifts elsewhere, and across the table Chan watches him carefully. Too carefully. He knows him too well.
Chan leans forward slowly, eyes narrowing in playful suspicion.
“Why do you look like you’re remembering something illegal?”
Laughter erupts instantly.
Changbin snaps his fingers. “He’s been smiling at nothing all night!”
Han points dramatically. “You can’t possibly be this happy over the award you little fuck, just tell us”
Hyunjin groans, dropping his face into his hands.
“I hate all of you.”
Felix grins. “No, no. We love you. That’s why we investigate.”
Seungmin tilts his head. “It’s her, right?”
The table quiets just slightly. Not teasing now, all of them genuinely curious to know.
Because they know.
They’ve watched Hyunjin change the past few months, softer rehearsals, distracted smiles, the way he stays up texting. The way he just looks happier now, more content, complete.
Chan leans back, arms crossed.
“The museum girl.”
Hyunjin exhales, there’s no hiding he’s down bad for her, they already know, he’s already told them, so what’s the point of shying away now.
His voice comes quiet.
“…Yeah.”
Immediately, smiles spread around the table. Jeongin kicks his leg under the table. “Finally.”
Changbin laughs. “So you’re officially together or what?”
Hyunjin shakes his head, embarrassed but smiling anyway. “I don’t know. Yes? I haven’t asked her to be her boyfriend but do I even have to? We both said we’re falling in love with each other.”
He looks down at his glass, thumb tracing condensation along the edge.
“I think…” he hesitates, searching for words. “…I think she sees me. Who I am, who I really am you know?.”
He thinks about how you looked at him before knowing who he was. How heartbroken you were because you thought he’s embarrassed of you, when the thing he wanted to do the most was yell from a rooftop about you.
“I mean, to find someone like her, so kind, so talented, and to not care at all about this life.. this is one in a lifetime”
His friends have long stopped teasing and are now listening to him, some of them smiling, others almost looking proud.
“When I thought I lost her I was a mess”
Felix nods gently. “But you didn’t.”
Hyunjin shakes his head, a small smile forming.
“No.”
Chan watches him carefully, then grins slowly.
“…So.”
Everyone leans in. Chan’s voice lowers dramatically.
“You brought her to the studio yesterday.”
Groans and laughter explode immediately and Hyunjin’s face turns bright red.
“Hyung...”
Chan points accusingly. “You never bring anyone to the studio.”
Changbin slams the table. “Oh my god, you fucked in the studio didn’t you?”
Hyunjin hides his face again, shoulders shaking with mortified laughter.
“That’s none of your goddamn business idiots.”
“Oh my god they did. They fucked in our studio.”
The reaction is instant chaos. Han nearly falls out of his chair. Felix covers his mouth, laughing and Minho claps like someone just scored a goal.
Chan leans back triumphantly.
“I knew it.”
Minho has been itching to ask this, and he finally does
“So, did you have her sign an NDA?”
Hyunjin looked at him like he had asked the craziest thing in the world. Almost disgust forming on his face
“Dude what? No. She will never do anything shady. She’s not like that”
Changbin nudged him. “You waited forever to meet someone like that.” shifting the conversation, knowing how Hyunjin gets with the whole idea of NDAs.
Felix nods warmly. “You deserve someone who understands you.”
Chan’s teasing fades into something softer. “You look lighter,” he says. “On stage today too. I noticed.”
Hyunjin looks at him and smiles, “Really?” he hadn’t realized it himself, but it was true. The performances felt more free lately. The pressure quieter. Because for the first time since forever.. he has somewhere to return to emotionally. Someone who knows him when the lights turn off and loves him anyway for who he really is.
He smiles to himself.
“She felt our music yesterday, that’s why I took her to the studio. She wanted to know, and that’s the only pleas for her to do that.” he says softly.
The table stills again. They are all so curious about how Hyunjin makes it work considering her deafness. He tells them about your hand on the speaker, the way your smile broke open, how you cried while feeling the rhythm through your body.
No one interrupts. Even Changbin grows quiet.
Chan exhales slowly, clearly moved.
“…That’s beautiful, man.”
Hyunjin nods.
“I think… I think this is serious guys. I’m like.. genuinely in love with her.”
Then eight matching grins spread around the table, and Han raises his glass again.
“To Hyunjin finally being in love.”
Glasses lift. They all cheer loudly as Hyunjin blushes, and he doesn’t deny it. How could he when it’s the truth.
He’s so madly in love with you.
Because when he checks his phone under the table and sees your name lighting the screen with a simple message —
Did you eat? Congratulations on your win, I saw you on tv!
— his chest warms in a way no award ever could ever make him feel.
He types back instantly.
Yes. I miss you already.
He doesn’t notice Chan watching him fondly from across the table. Doesn’t notice the knowing smiles exchanged between the members. They’ve seen Hyunjin chase perfection for years. Seen him doubt himself. Seen loneliness hide behind beauty and talent. Tonight he looks peaceful.
And that matters more than any trophy sitting on the table beside them.
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Pairing: Bsf!Seungmin x Fem!Reader
Word count: 5.3k (5359)
Content warning: Fluff!, Confession, Lover!Seungmin, AU!University, Reader and Seungmin are following a literature program, Reader is referred to as Smartass, Y/n, Seungmin is referred to as Seungmin, Seungmo, Kim Seungmin, Mother, anxiety!mentioned, slight!angst bcs Seungmin thinks he has no chance with reader? bcs of an overheard conversation, slight alcohol consumption, almost kisses, messy!confession, teasing, Let me know if I forgot anything!
Summary : Reader and Kim Seungmin have been best friends for a long time now, and their beach trip was just starting! Except... Seungmin had confessed the crush he had on reader, and is NOT ashamed of it. After overhearing a conversation where he thought you din't love him back, he was waiting for you to admit it and reject him, mentioning his crush every second to give you opportunities. But you, on the other hand, are trying to find the best way to confess your love! This romantic place would be nice perfect for it, except... you guys are only going there on the last day of a seven day-long trip. I guess waiting is the worst but only thing you can do!
Seungmin hummed as your favorite artist's voice came out if the radio. A silent laugh left his lips as he realized he was indeed singing. It particularly made him smile because before you guys met, he knew this artist - he did not like it. But you played it so much, not knowing his opinion on this group that he ended up knowing the lyrics.
He quickly glanced at the GPS, his neck feeling more and more tight as time was going by. You guys were arriving in twenty minutes now, and you had been asleep for the last hour.
The drive had been... okay. You and Seungmin were obviously happy to be together, happy to finally going in your first holiday together, but something fell a bit awkward today. For you at least.
You fell stuck between waiting for Seungmin to ask you for an answer and waiting for the right moment to confess your love to him. No matter what, waiting made you uncomfortable, awkward. As if you were hiding something from your best friend.
The thing is - why were you waiting? Because you wanted the confession to feel like a romantic moment. Not like a conversation thrown in, without context, you wanted something... better. Because for you, Seungmin deserved the best.
That's why you have been pretending to be asleep for a while now. Surprising choice of action, but hey; at least you were avoiding a serious conversation you weren't ready for. And it's not like you had been faking it for the whole time : you genuinely fell asleep for forty minutes.
When you felt the car slowing down, you decided it was time to stop your farce. Stretching your arms forward, you faked a yawn.
"Hey."
Seungmin's voice made you jump. It has been a while since he last spoke, and you could hear it.
"Are we there yet?"
"Almost. Slept well?"
"Yeah! You drive well, I honestly didn't feel anything."
Seungmin smile as you chuckled, running a hand through your hair. That's when your eyes fell on the landscape to your right.
A gasp left your lips as the sea lied in front of you. A tons of different shades of blue were mixing, covered by thousands of sparkles thanks to the sun. Without even lowering your window, you could hear the waves crashing at the bottom of the cliff.
"It's pretty..."
"It is." Seungmin nodded.
Except, you were looking at the landscape. He was looking at you.
Sun glowing through the curtains was what woke you up on the next morning. It wasn't that late, but the Sun was already high in the sky. The soft cotton of your sheets felt like a dream, you could stay in your bed for the entire day if you had to choose.
But at the same time... in the room just next to yours, your best friend was asleep. A wave of disbelief and joy flushed your cheeks as you hid your face into your pillow. The trip had started. Even if you were scared, you were definitely happy to be here with him.
"It feels too good to be true" you whispered. A giggle left your lips as you kicked your feet under the cover. Trying to comb your hair down you sat up and pushed the cover out of the way. The room felt cozy with all the sunlight painting the wooded floor, the creamy color of the walls making you feel like home.
As you pushed the door opened, your raised your hand to search for the switch, letting the sunlight flood in. As you took time to look around the house, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking: what if, one day... You and Seungmin owned a house like that? You and him could be cuddling on a white velvet couch, just like that, eating with each other on a wooded table, holding hands while looking at the sea on a balcony like that...
"I need to stop. Oh my god."
Jumping from your bar stool, you padded until you stood up in front of Seungmin's door. Softly knocking, you waited for an answer... that never came. Repeating your gesture, you pushed the door opened. Sneaking a head inside the room, you tried to guess where Seungmin was lying in his bed - tried, because the room was dark - and softly whispered.
"Seungmin? D'you wanna come and take a breakfast with me?"
The sentence seemed so weird in your mouth, and you couldn't stop a smile from growing on your lips.
"Hrmph..."
The only answer you got was Seungmin turning, his back facing you. You bit your lips, finding the situation funny.
"I'll be waiting for you."
Closing the door, your eyes fell on the kitchen. Yesterday, after getting the keys, you had drove to the closest store to fill the fridge. You particularly insisted on buying things for a good breakfast - you were going to prepare the best breakfast Seungmin has ever seen.
That's what lead you, thirty minutes later to be waiting in front of butter, jam, orange juice, coffee - that was now lukewarm, bread and fresh fruits. Sighing, you poured yourself a cup of coffee, then padded to the microwave. Pushing the buttons, you tried to make as much noise as possible until you finished your drink.
Pouting, you picked up the bowl of cut fruits, but as time went by, the bowl found itself emptied. You jumped from your stool, walking to his door.
"Kim Seungmin! Seungmo! Wake up!"
An exaggerated groan followed by ruffles in sheets made you scoff. Seungmin was usually someone who would wake up early, but it was almost 11am and you had seen no signs of him. Looking at your phone, you knocked one more time.
"Yah, Seungmo! I swear I'll stop waiting for..."
Instead of finding the hard wood of the door, your hand met a something soft, but strong. Warm too.
"Yah, you really think screaming to wake someone up can be socially accepted?"
Before you could say anything, the vision you had in front of your eyes had made your brain fry. Seungmin was standing there, his hair ruffled as he rubbed on of his eyes. Your eyes ran down his frame, stopping on his wide shorts and slightly opened sweater. As you stuttered, he sighed, then slid his glasses on.
"What can I do for you?"
His sudden change of tone surprised you, making you laugh.
"I'm... I'm sorry. I... What?"
"You wanted something?"
"I... came earlier and I asked you if you wanted to eat breakfast with me. But maybe you were asleep."
"Oh. Shit..."
Seungmin ran a hand over his hand after taking a look at the kitchen behind you.
"I'm coming. Just give me a minute."
"T-take your time! I'll cut more fruits."
A few minutes later, you were busy in the kitchen washing and cutting fresh fruits while the coffee was heating in the coffee maker. A warm fuzz took your chest as you placed a few pieces of fruits in a plate, then reached for another strawberry.
Seungmin stepped out his bedroom, his heart beating slightly too fast. You looked so... familiar. Not in the sexist way, not at all. More like a young couple, like two person freshly married. Like a wife waiting for her husband to start their day on a cozy weekend.
Silently, he took a seat on a stool as you started to hum. When he poured himself a glass, you turned around and placed the coffee pot on the table.
"Why would you prepare all that food?"
"Because it's our first time going on holidays together," you smiled and picked up the knife. "It's supposed to be special."
Oh, Seungmin loved that about you. How you gave attention to every details around you? Amazing. You turned and placed the plate in front of him.
"As we say, bon appétit."
"It's cute, you know? When you do that."
Your heart jumped as Seungmin smiled, picking up a piece of strawberry with a toothpick.
"Huh? What, the fruits?"
"Yeah, if you want."
Oh, Seungmin was not only talking about fruits. A chuckle left his lips as he picked up a blueberry, popping it into his mouth. You smiled, taking the seat facing his.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you to be this tired. If I knew, I would have let you sleep longer. I mean, we could have take this breakfast tomorrow."
"It's okay. It's because of the road. But you did well by waking me up, at least our day can start. And we can fulfill the little program you made last week."
You smiled, kicking your feet under the table. Crazy how a little comment from him could make you that flustered.
Something funny, you and Seungmin were not the same type of people when going on a trip. You had your program, trying to fullfill every day as much as possible. Your best friend? Total opposite. He was more of the type who would take his time, try to relax as much as possible and go with the flow. But in love he was, and he unconsciously wanted to follow your wants. And if you wanted to follow a program, he was going to follow your program too.
"So? What do you want to do today?"
This sentence had been the one Seungmin repeated everyday. Every morning, he would ask you what you wanted to do. Every day, he would drive you, no matter how far you wanted to go - you said you could drive, but he tend to refuse every time. Every evening, he would walk you back to the door of your room, despite the fact that you lived in the same house, wish you a great night, then he would go to his room.
"Hm... I wanna go to the beach today. The weather app said today was the brightest day of the week, I want to take pictures."
Today was the fifth day of the trip, and thankfully, you were less awkward about the situation than during the first days. You had been to a lot of spots you wanted to see, taking pictures for each other so you'd keep even more memories. Every night, you would find yourself rehearsing, trying to choose what words would be better to confess your feelings. Every night, you would count the numbers of days left before the final moment... which was supposedly tomorrow.
"The beach?" Seungmin repeated. As he drank his cup of coffee, he nodded, as if he was thinking. "You took a swimsuit or something?"
"I did! I bought it with Yej..."
Blush crippled on your cheeks as you though of what 'going to the beach' would lead to. Were you even ready of showing yourself in swimsuit? Not that you weren't confident, it was more because of the thought of doing it for the first time.
"And have you thought of the type of pictures you wanted?"
"I... I'll show you once we're there! I don't want to get too hyped, we don't know if the weather will be good this afternoon."
"Okay. Maybe I should think of an outfit too, so I can force you to take pictures of me too."
You chuckled, genuinely surprised... before quickly realizing Seungmin was messing with you. Being on pictures wasn't something he particularly liked.
"Now that you've said it, you can't say no!"
Oh, you were going to take pictures of him. And why not, with him too?
"Ahhh, look how the weather is amazing!"
Wind softly caressed your face as you smiled, tilting your head to face the sun. Today's traveling time had been the shortest since the beginning of the trip, at it was so nice to be at the beach when May was just starting.
"It's going to be hot. Do I need to remind you to drink water, or did you fill up your water bottle before leaving?"
Hearing Seungmin's condescending tone, you spat your tongue.
"Ha. Ha. Yes, mother, I will drink water."
"Here."
Seungmin handed you a bottle from his bag. The liquid was so cold, little drops were pearling on the plastic. His fingers stayed on yours a bit too long to be platonic as he placed it in your hands.
"Oh. Thank you."
Before you could add anything else, Seungmin had took several steps forward. You scratched your throat before running after him.
"Hey, Seungmo! Wait for me!"
Something you ignored, Seungmin was not running away from you, he was trying to calm his heart from going crazy. You were really pretty in your flowy sundress, matching with the ribbon of your sunhat. You were amazingly pretty.
"Seungmo!"
You bursted into laughter as he rolled his eyes, faking annoyance.
"God, you're..." he sighed, shook his head and put his bag on the sand. "Okay, show me your inspirations or leave me alone."
"Yah!"
Instead of pulling out your phone, you tried to nudge his shoulder. Seungmin laughed as he avoided you hand. As you followed him, he tried to catch both of your wrists.
"Hey, I won't help you if you hit me!"
You chuckled before taking a seat on the sand, holding your hands next to your head.
"Okay okay. Pictures are important."
"Pff, you're something. So? Show me the inspirations?"
Handing out your phone, you made him scroll through tens and tens of pictures, all displaying girls lying on the sand, with colorful shells placed all over their frames, bodies, hair or legs. As he continued searching through the pictures, you quickly removed your dress, sitting next to him in just your swimsuit. Seungmin had to fight every cells of his body and brain to focus on the screen and not on the amazingly beautiful shaped your swimsuit was hugging.
"You.... Um. You'd look cute with shells all over your back. Or your hair?"
"The back would be a good picture!"
You tried to ignore how fast your heart was beating because of natural his compliments were.
"Okay. Lie down. I'll help you."
"O-Okay!"
Lying on your belly, you crossed your arms under your chin as Seungmin took a seat next to you. Poking in the little pile of shells, you smiled to him.
"Make sure to use the pretty ones."
"You're the pretty one here."
Blush crippled your cheeks as he leaned in, focusing on his task. A shiver ran down your spine as his fingers met your skin from time to time, before being replaced by the coldness of the shells. You tried to steady your breathing as he muttered, tilting his head to the side.
"Hm."
"Is there something wrong?"
"No. No. I'm just not sure about... the shape? Should I just place them on a line, or a circle? Or randomly?"
You chuckled as he sighed, a shell sliding from your shoulder blade.
"I don't need to overthink it, it will be pretty anyway."
Blush colored your cheeks as Seungmin muttered. If you weren't that motivated on following your plan, you swore you could have confessed your feelings right here, right now...
The wind bursted into the car as you and Seungmin were driving back to town. You were scrolling through your gallery, silently choosing the ones you would post. Even the pictures you had taken of Seungmin looked good. Your fingers lingered on the screen as you took a good look at the pictures. Seungmin looked great on those.
"Are you going to post the pictures I took of you?"
"Hm... I'll see. If they're good enough."
You chuckled before resting your head against the window. Since it was the same place, it would look like a matching post. This afternoon had felt like... like if you were a couple. And you loved it, you really appreciated it.
"What was that place you wanted to try? I think we should eat outside instead of cooking tonight."
"It was a barbecue place. But... Do you want to go somewhere else?"
Seungmin glanced at you, surprised.
"Where do you wanna go?"
"We should go and have a drink. We have enough time to find a good place, no?"
Oh, you wanted to confess your feelings, but would he believe you? You both had a few drinks, and you would be lying if you said you weren't at least tispy right now.
The night had been great, between the restaurant you drove by and decided to go in and the bar, you felt like you had spent the best night ever.
Now, standing in front of your bedroom, you suddenly felt as is the night hasn’t been long enough. You were not ready to say good night to your best friend.
Seeing you facing the door while being completely still, Seungmin first thought you were trying not to throw up. Placing a hand on your shoulder, he leaned forward.
"Are you okay? Y/n?"
"Y-yeah, sorry. I... thought I had lost my phone. But it's here! Sorry."
"Are you crying?"
His voice made you freeze. You were not crying, but for a moment, a few tears wetted your eyes, leading you to blink for a good minute, trying to swallow them back.
"No? No, I'm not. I'm just... very thankful we could spend this time together."
You opened the door of your space, but instead of stepping inside, you turned around, resting against the doorframe. For some reasons, your heart felt as dizzy as your head.
"We should do that again. Sometimes."
"What, this trip?"
"Sure. But I meant... going out. When it's late at night. Just the two of us. I liked it."
A giggle left your lips as Seungmin smiled, nodding.
"Okay. We can try when we come back."
The mention of coming back felt like a drop of salt on an opened wound. A wave of frustration grew inside your chest.
"Why would you mention the end when we still have time together here? You don't like being with me?" you chuckled, half offended, half joking.
"Of course I like being with you," Seungmin whispered as he wrapped his fingers around your wrist. Your heart jumped as he pulled you towards him, his head suddenly extremely close to yours. Your breath hitched as his breath met your skin. His nose slid against the apple of your cheek as he searched for your eyes, impossible to look away. Maybe it was alcohol speaking, but you swore his cheeks were as red as yours. He was going to kiss you. Unconsciously, you closed your eyes as his hand cupped your cheek.
I guess I'll just ignore him until he realizes I'm a joke and that he doesn't actually loves me? Don't ask him why, but the memory of your voice came back to him at the exact moment. Making him shiver - and not the good kind of shivering - your voice came back to his ears, killing the ambiance you both were so deep into.
So, instead of stealing you a kiss, Seungmin pressed his lips on your forehead, before stepping back. A wave of cold flooded you as his hand left your skin. Not very platonic of you, Kim Seungmin. As reality caught up on him, Seungmin took another step back, trying to avoid blushing too hard. He felt his neck and ears heat up as you looked up at him, eyes bright, wide opened, your mouth barely opened. Like ready for a kiss. But hey; a peck was better than nothing.
"Have a good night. And ring me up if you feel like throwing up."
"...You.. you too."
Seungmin chuckled as he opened the door of his own room and disappeared behind the panel of wood. You pressed a hand against your lips, then forehead, before running inside your room. Your heart felt like it was about to explode, and it was not because of alcohol.
Something you ignored, Seungmin was in the exact same state.
Your eyes fell on your program on your nightstand, just next to your bed. Tomorrow was the day. Well, today was the day, since it was way past midnight. For the first time in several days, you felt like everything was going well.
You jolted up, your head rising from the pillow. God, you smelled awful! And you felt awful, why was your head feeling this heavy? You sighed, rubbing your eyes before rolling on your side. Reaching for your phone, you swiped to remove uninteresting notifications.
"14:35!? No!"
You jumped out of your bed as a cold feeling flooded your chest. Today was the last day of the trip before you and Seungmin would give back the keys tomorrow, at 15o'clock. This morning was supposed to be the best time to go to the place where you wanted to confess your love.
Bursting out of your bedroom, you found Seungmin standing in the kitchen, focused on a pot.
"Oh, you're up? I made soup."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
The disappointment in your voice caught his attention, making him turn around to face you. He lowered the heat and took a few steps.
"Are you okay?"
Seungmin's heart was beating so fast right now. He was still thinking about yesterday night, and if alcohol hasn't been this present, he would have kissed you.
"Why did you let me sleep?" you whispered. Your soft tone surprised him - he was not expecting you to sound this disappointed.
"You didn't woke up when i checked on you this morning. You look tired. Are you sure you're okay?"
You sighed before taking a seat on the stool. Was your plan ruined?
"Hey."
Seungmin placed a hand on the table, catching your attention.
"Talk to me. Why do you look so sad? Is it because of yest-"
"It's ridiculous. It's just that I don't like how I overslept, because I really wanted to go to that place I told you about, and we were supposed to go this morning. But now it's too late, and it's going to rain this afternoon."
You sighed as you finished rambling, resting your head on the wooded panel. Seungming huffed, amused. He turned around, poured you a bowl of soup and pushed it in front of you.
"We can go after you eat this. Yes, it might rain, but I mean, if you really want to go there, you can bare a bit of rain, right?"
That's how you found yourself clutching on your coat as ocean-spray splattered on your face. The weather was the total opposite of the past week, wind gushing and creating waves against the seawall. A shiver ran down your skin as you took a few steps, trying to follow Seungmin.
"God, it's always like that when we follow your plans."
Seungmin teased, pulling his hood on. It wasn't that cold, but there was less Sun that yesterday.
"Don't say that!" you pouted, feeling embarrassed. Was he really thinking this? You looked away, suddenly feeling sad. It felt like your plan was dying every time the wind was blowing.
"I was joking, Y/n. I'm happy we're here."
Seungmin smiled, making sure you were listening to him.
"Maybe we'll see dolphins? I want to see a lot of them."
"Maybe they're hiding because they don't want to see you."
"Or your ugly face."
"Yah!"
It always had been like this between you two. Bickering, being soft to each other before threatening to kill each other the next second. Usually, you were loving this. But today? It was not helping you at all. How could you find the right timing?
"Oh. So we won't see any?"
You tried to hide your frown as the old lady you just asked about dolphins shook her head.
"No darling, not with such a bad weather. You would be lucky if you can walk on the path to the beach, it might be flooded as we speak. You two didn't choose the right day to come here."
Disappointed flooded your chest as you clutched your hands, the rubber of your rain coat wrinkling. Nothing was going according to plan today. Seeing your expression, Seungmin stepped in.
"Do you know if there is something tourists can do instead of waiting for the rain to stop?"
"Oh, you can try the tea house down the street, but it might be closed... Or maybe go back to town, it would be more interesting for you, I think."
"Thank you, we'll see."
You bowed, then turned around to walk towards the house the lady just recommended. Maybe the universe was telling you it wasn't the right time. Maybe you just couldn't get things right.
"Hey."
Seungmin poked your forehead as you turned to face him.
"Yes- Ouch!"
"Don't be sad. We can wait for the rain to stop. Or we can come back another day."
You nodded as Seungmin walked back to the car, opening the door for you. Once you found yourself both sitting, you tugged on your seatbelt but stopped when Seungmin didn't start the car.
"What are you doing?"
"We can't go to see the pier but we can look at the sea from the car. We don't necessarily have to go home."
A chuckle left your lips as you pushed the seatbelt back to its place. Weird idea, but why not?
"You always have the strangest ideas, you know?"
"I guess that's why we're best friends? Yours are even worse than mines."
"Yah-"
"But i guess that's why I fell for you."
Blush crippled your cheeks as you faced him, completely flustered. He was looking at the sea, his hand hiding the bottom half of his face. Trying to be nonchalant maybe?
The air felt thick inside the vehicle. In one sentence, everything had changed, going back to that day where Seungmin confessed his feelings. Except... the naive ambiance of that moment wasn't here.
Today felt more serious.
More decisive.
"But... Why me?"
"Sorry?"
"Why me," you repeated, as your voice shook a bit.
"That's a great question. I think I can't answer it. It just.... doesn't make sense." He scoffed before whispering to himself. "And at the same time, it makes so much sense."
Seungmin and you never took time to talk about your feelings like that. Your friendship was strong, but vulnerability was rare.
It was now time for you to admit your feelings to Seungmin. Scratching your throat, you raised your hand to tug slightly on his sleeve.
"Yeah?" He rubbed the back of his neck, before looking at you.
"Do you know that... This pier is well-known on internet? Apparently, if you confess your love here, it will stay until the end of time."
Seungmin would be lying if he said the sudden change of topic didn't surprise him.
"Really? Ah.. That's why there are tons of padlocks... Cute."
"Yeah. And... one day, we... we should..." you mumbled, starting to get nervous. But before you could finish your sentence, Seungmin's voice reached your ears.
"And one day, you'll come back here with your loved one. I hope you and your loved one will be happy together. Come on, the rain has stopped."
As Seungmin stepped out of the car, you sat there, dumbfounded. What? You and your loved one?
"I wanted to see dolphins... it's a shame the weather was too bad."
Like electrocuted, you opened the door and stepped out of the car.
"Seungmin, what did you say?"
"Sorry?"
The shake in your voice surprised him, once more.
"What do you mean, 'me and my loved one'?"
"Well... I hope one day you'll find someone who you'll put a padlock with on the fences. Why do you look that shocked?"
A shiver ran down your spine as you took several steps forward.
"But... didn't you say you liked me?"
"That's.... my feelings. That has nothing to do with your future."
"Why are you acting like... like I rejected you?"
"I..."
He sighed, before looking back at you.
"You don't have to pretend, you know. You can say you don't like me back. I heard you that day."
"You... heard me?"
"In the library. You were talking to your friend. I didn't mean to listen, I was searching for a book and... you were there."
"Wait, wait. Seungmin. I... I don't get it. What?"
You felt like everything was falling apart. You heart was beating so hard you swore it was just here, inside your ears.
"You look like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Because I don't?! Seungmin, I don't need another person, I... I just need you?"
There you said it. Nothing had been said according to your plan, but you had said it anyway. Your best friend couldn't believe his ears. A burst of wind blew into your face, and as you blinked, a few tears rolled down your cheeks.
"You what?"
"Why do you think I wanted to go on a trip with you? You almost kissed me yesterday, and I was the happiest. When you confessed to me, I thought I was imagining it. That's why I didn't answer, but believe me, I wanted to. And then I remembered we were going there, and that I could confess my feelings on the pier, so it would last forever, but I woke up late, and the weather is awful, but now you're imagining me with someone else, and-"
The warmth of his arms wrapping around your frame soothed your brain, shutting your mind as he tucked his face into your hair. His hand was slowly rubbing your back, tracing big shapes against the rubber of your raincoat.
"You're so dumb."
A sob left your mouth as you answered his hug.
"You're dumb-ber!"
"I know. I'm sorry."
An awful slurp left your nose as you sniffed, trying to calm your runny nose. You had stopped crying for a few minutes now, but you couldn't help but feeling embarrassed. Seugmin had not let your hand go and was silently waiting for you to come down.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Kinda."
"Okay. Then we'll take care of the fountain you have instead of having a normal nose."
"Yah!"
He chuckled, handing you a tissue. Snatching it from his hand, you blew your nose, in a very loud and not discreet way.
"Very distinguished."
"Oh shut up!" you whined, before shoving your tissue into your pocket. "I'm embarrassed enough already, I don't need you to add a layer on top of it."
A chuckle left his lips as you wiped your cheeks, trying to get a bit of composure back. This was not what you had expected at all.
"Do you want to go home?"
Behind all the teasing and messing around, worry and softness was easily distinguishable. Your heart clenched as your eyes met his, his thumb still tracing imaginary lines on the back of your hand.
"No. I... Before we go home, I..." you scratched your throat. "Kim Seungmin."
"Yes?"
A scoff of nervousness left his lips as your sudden serious - but emotional - tone.
"I like you. As my best friend, but most importantly, I have the biggest crush on you. And no matter what you heard or misheard, let me tell you: I like you."
Seungmin could have sworn, despite the cold wind and the smell of the now stopped rain, his chest had never felt hotter. Yes, you looked like you had cried, but you looked so pretty, so beautiful, so perfect to him.
"Well... what should we do about that?"
A scoff left your lips but you quickly laughed as Seungmin smiled, squeezing your hand softly.
Later, that night, as you were drifting into sleep, Seungmin poked your nose. You tried to ignore it as the smell of his perfume was guiding you the land of dreams.
"Hey."
"Hm... what?"
He chuckled as you buried your face into your - his - pillow and pulled the cover - his cover - higher onto your face.
"I just realized I didn't answered earlier."
"An..." you yawned. "Answered what?"
Seungmin placed a kiss against your forehead, just like yesterday's night. Except it did not had the same meaning at all.
"I like you Y/n. Thank you for not making me wait any longer."
Pairing: Bsf!Seungmin x Fem!Reader
Word count: 3.4k (3494)
Content warning: Fluff!, Confession, Lover!Seungmin, BestFriend!Felix, BestFriend!Yeji (ITZY), AU!University, Reader and Seungmin are following a literature program, Reader is referred to as Smartass, Seungmin is referred to as Seungmo, Kim Seungmin, anxiety!mentioned, slight!angst bcs Seungmin thinks he has no chance with reader? bcs of an overheard conversation, Let me know if I forgot anything!
Summary : Reader and Kim Seungmin have been best friends for a long time now, they basically spend their whole time together. Going on a beach trip would be a nice thing! As you are waiting for your holiday reservation to be processed, Seungmin ends up admitting the crush he has on reader, and is NOT ashamed of it. And guess what? You won't be able to avoid him, your one-week reservation was accepted, and it is non-refundable!
It wasn't a secret for anyone but you, and that's maybe what amused him the most.
Seungmin smiled, trying to stay discreet. It was not usual, but were you really that blind?
Resting his chin on the palm of his hand, he gave himself a few minutes to look at you. It was not like you'd notice him anyway. You were seating a few row in front of him and were listening to whatever the professor was talking about. This french literature class was interesting, he loved it just as you did, but today, his mind was on you.
You and him had been friends, then best friends for so long, and surprisingly, he saw himself fall for you easier than what he'd thought he would. Maybe it was your smile, maybe the way your eyes shined every time you heard his voice as he sung, maybe it was because besides his friends, you were the only one who knew him. Who saw him.
When the professor indicated the end of the class, Seungmin calmly put his pens back inside his case, and slid everything in his backpack.
"Seungmo!"
Seungmin sighed, faking annoyance. You were the only one who could call him like that.
"I'm thinking about ignoring you every time you'd dare to call me this."
"Yah, you wouldn't!"
"Actually, I'm thinking about ignoring you because you didn't seat next to me today."
"I was late!"
"And I still saved you a seat."
You chuckled as Seungmin walked down towards the exit, pretending to be pissed off.
"I couldn't just walk past everyone when I am five minutes late!"
"Seven."
"What?"
"You were seven minutes late."
"Ughhh, Kim Seungmin!"
He smiled as you jogged down the stairs, trying to follow him. He wasn't offend at all, he just loved to push your buttons, teasing you as much as he could.
"Are we still going out together later?"
Your suddenly-calm voice brought him back to reality. When he turned to face you, he smile softened. He knew you enough to know that your anxiety could eat your brain, making you less confident than you seemed.
"Of course."
As he saw your shoulders relax, he couldn't stop himself from cracking a joke.
"But since you left me alone, you're paying."
"Ughhh!"
That's how you found yourselves seating in this coffee shop, your hand holding tightly to a pen, scribbling onto a piece of paper. You and Seungmin had planned - mostly you and obliged your best friend into your plans - to have a week holiday in a little town close to the beach. Now that exam were behind you, you both deserved to relax! It was one of those cheap but fun vacation place that needed a few days to process the reservation, so officially, none of you knew if you'd leave next week.
"Why are you so hyped? We still don't know-"
"But what if we got it and we don't have a list of activities and stuff to see? Hm?"
Your eagerness made him smile as he sipped on his drink. You were so... you. Unique, irreplaceable. And always optimistic.
"Plus..."
Seungmin raised an eyebrow as he sensed a slight change of tone in your voice. Your cheeks were pinker than a minute ago as you spoke softly.
"It's not any kind of holiday, it's a trip with you. It already makes it perfect, but I don't want to waste any time."
You must be blind, because it was almost impossible to miss how Seungmin's heart exploded, right here as he was seating in front of you. It took him a good minute to learn how to breath again, as you were writing on your... program sheet? That same sheet of paper you were writing on yesterday, and you were praying for him not to notice the little heart you had unconsciously drew in the marges.
You had the biggest crush on Seungmin, but through your eyes, there was no way someone like him could like you back. He was so intelligent, so many girls were interested in him, and it was too much for your brain to understand why he refused every time. He had that cold vibe every time someone was getting too close to him (or to you), but it was always different with you. No matter how much he'd tease you, he would always do something that would prove how important you were to him.
"Hey, Earth calling you?"
Shaking out of your thoughts, you looked up at him. He was close! Seungmin had leaned forward, pointing at something on your list, but since you weren't answering, he had to find another way to get your attention.
"God-"
"Now you're listening. I was saying, what's with this place?"
Following his finger, you quickly realized he was talking about this famous spot you saw everywhere on social media. It was the place presumed to make couples eternal if confession happened there.
"Uhm. It's.. just... A place i heard about. 'wanted to see it instead of... just pictures online."
"Hm. Okay. Guess we'll see if we have time, maybe at the end."
Your heart pinched at Seungmin's comment. He visibly had no idea of what this place was. Maybe it wasn't the time for your confession. Maybe... it wasn't a good idea to confess at all.
After your hangout, you and Seungmin were walking back to your place - he always insisted on walking you home - but it was surprisingly quiet. You ignored how he was thinking about telling you what he had on his heart, while you were trying to shut your feelings down.
When you reached the front door, a quiet sigh left your lips. Here you were. You were going to thank him for today, Seungmin was going to pat your head and tell you to close your door when he'd left, and he would walk back without looking back, while you'd stay, looking at him until you couldn't see him anymore.
"Hm... I've been thinking you know."
That's not what he usually says.
"Oh? That's new."
You chuckled, trying to place a smile on your lips.
"No but... I've been thinking. A lot. And I... realized something that had always been there, but I never... we... well. I finally put words on it, and I wonder why it took me so long to tell you about."
Huh. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't figure where this conversation was going.
"You know what? I just want you to know, but I don't expect an answer anytime soon. I just want to be honest."
"Honest with what?"
Seungmin chuckled, clearly amused of the situation.
"You really don't know?"
"Know what?"
"I like you."
It was your turn to feel your heart explode, right here, right there, on the little porch in front of your apartment.
"You what?"
You couldn't believe your ears. Maybe your heart was beating too loud and changing what you just heard? Out of everything, it was the most unexpected thing ever.
"I like you? I mean, it's... quite obvious. But it's okay, I didn't expected you to guess."
He smirked as you blushed, half offended, half flustered.
"Yah-"
"Not in that way, Smartass. I'd rather tell you than let you find out on your own. I'm not calling you dumb. Or am I?"
"Kim Seungmin!"
His name came out of your mouth as the weirdest whine ever. Your throat felt so tight, your heart so full, and your brain so empty. He'd just confessed and he was teasing you?
You looked down, flustered and lost at the same time. Maybe because your crush and best friend just admit he liked you?
"As I said, I don't expect you to answer any time soon. You don't have to answer at all. I just wanted to be honest. Okay?"
You nodded softly. Seungmin had noticed how you were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, and you only did that when you were nervous. Not uncomfortable, but nervous. Slowly, he raised his hand and placed in over your hair, stroking your head slowly.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
He spoke softly. Once again, you nodded, suddenly feeling shy about how close he was leaning. He nodded back, removed his hand and walked away. You took a step, your eyes falling on his back as he walked down the hallway. For the first time since you moved in this building, he stopped, turned back and waved one last time before disappearing behind the corner of the wall.
I like you. Blush painted your face as you bursted into your apartment. Slamming the door closed, you placed your back against it, as if you were trying to stop your emotion from exploding all at once. I like you. You slowly placed your hand against your mouth, trying to calm down. You were shaking. How to NOT overreact when your crush of all time admit he likes you?
You jumped as your phone indicates your received a text. It was him.
"I'm home. Thank you for today"
"And don't overthink it. I just wanted to be honest, okay?🙃"
Easier told than done. It was funny how you had absolutely no idea how Seungmin was doing at the same moment. He had just got home, and our boy was stressing. A weird groan left his mouth as he buried his face into his pillow. It was not how he had planned to confess his love - he had not planned anything actually - but he had not imagined it would happen this fast. His roommate stop by his door, holding on a laundry basket, a worried look on his face.
"Seungmin? Is everything okay?"
"Lix-Hyung, I messed up. I confessed and told her I was not waiting for an answer. What the fuck did I mean, not waiting for an answer?"
Felix smiled, sighing softly.
"Tell her? Or give her time. She will talk to you about it. Don't overthink it."
Here you were, both of you thinking, panicking, wondering how things would change in your relationship. What were you going to do?
Ding!
This question needed an answer, and quick, because when you pulled out your phone, and clicked on your email, your heart dropped. Half of fear, half of excitation.
"Miss Y/n F/N,
We firstly want to thank you for the time of your wait.
We are, as the Holiday House company, pleased to announce the finalized reservation of your order, including a seven-day long vacation in our two-person house. Ih the following lines, you may find a summary of your order. Remember that your order, as it's now confirmed, is non-refundable. The payment must be proceed..."
Great. All the joy you thought you would feel was quickly overshadowed by stress, your heart shaking with a mix of eagerness and apprehension. Taking a screen, you sent it to your best friend. A gasp left your lips as you saw how quickly he had seen your text, and how fast he was typing.
"Great! Can't wait"
Yeah.... you couldn't wait either.
"He did what??"
"Shhh! Please, don't talk that loud!"
You pressed your finger against your lips as your best friend talked a bit too loudly to be discussing this in the university's library. You had spent too much time worrying about the situation, thinking again and again about how you coud confess your feelings, and sometimes, the best thing you can do is ask for advice from your friend.
"No but, that's so him of him! So nonchalant, so.... Seungmin."
You rolled your eyes as Yeji bit the tip of her nail.
"Yeji, I need help, I don't know what to do."
"It's easy, you corner him in a room and kiss him passionately-"
"YEJI!"
She bursted into laughter as you blushed.
"I guess I'll just ignore him until he realizes I'm a joke and that he doesn't actually loves me?"
"That's the worst thing you could do. Never do that."
You sighed, only half joking. Why was being in love this complicated?
"Just tell him. If you don't, you'll loose your chance... it will just make things awkward. He's your best friend before everything else!"
"But I'm scaaared..."
"If you want my opinion, it was scarier because he did it first. You just have to answer. Think about him, he has no idea what you're about to answer!"
As you burried your face into your hands, you had no idea that Seungmin was standing in the book row just behind your table. He did not mean to listen - He even thought of going and say hello, but when he heard Yeji's words, all of his courage had just melted away. It's actually you screaming her name that had caught his attention - it was not complicated to not hear you in a silent room. He looked down at his hand, not knowing if he had heard right. You wanted to ignore him? His brain and ears had basically decided to shut down after he had understood your sentence.
Okay. If him loving you made you this uncomfortable, he was going to try to pretend his confession never happened.
The following night was... weird for Seungmin. He actually couldn't find any sleep. It was a mix of turning around, going on his side, the other, the other again. Turning his pillow over and over, but no matter what, both sides were warm. He couldn't stop thinking about the sentence he thought he heard - he played it so many times in his mind he wasn't sure of anything now - and he couldn't understand your train of thoughts. You were supposed to be best friends before anything else, why couldn't you talk to him?
Frustration bubbled in his chest as he groaned into his pillow. He actually thought he could text you, telling you to ignore his confession, so everything could go back to normal. But every time he took his phone, he ended up on your instagram page, scrolling through your pictures.
"Just talk to me, idiot. How do you want me to..."
Maybe it was the fatigue speaking, but a strange idea came to his mind. He was not supposed to know what you were thinking. So, why would he be ashamed of his feelings? He liked you, it was kind of a compliment, right? Instead of hiding it, the only thing he could think about was showing it even more. Maybe it could make you talk about it?
As he picked up his phone again, his fingers were quick to type on the little keyboard.
"Can I pick you up tomorrow morning? Coffee's on me."
That's what lead you, next morning, to run down the stairs of the building. You weren't late or anything, but the feeling of having him wait was making you nervous. Not nervous-scared, more nervous-eager? Or maybe nervous-impatient. Who knew.
When you reached the first floor, you quickly checked yourself on the mirror of the entrance. Hair? Check. Makeup? Amazing. Outfit? Nice. You sighed, like to give yourself courage, then pushed the front door open.
But instead of being welcomed by his car and the driver faking impatience, you found yourself meeting Seungmin, nonchalantly waiting, leaning against his vehicle. The sound of the door opening caught his attention, and you quickly turned into a blushing mess as his eyes roamed over your frame.
"H-hey!" you tried to sound normal, but your shaky voice betrayed the state of your mind.
"Hey. Nice outfit."
"Thanks!"
To your ears, your voice sounded strained, deformed by nervousness. Oh, you felt awkward. You started to dance from one foot to another, trying to avoid his gaze.
"As I said yesterday, coffee's on me" he said, turning around to open the passenger's door. He gave you a quick look, inviting you inside his vehicule.
"We'll... we'll see!"
Seungmin rolled his eyes, pretending not to smile as he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you. You'd be lying if you said it didn't made your heart jump outside of your chest, run three times around the car screaming for help and jumped back to its place.
"I'm paying", he insisted as he pushed the door closed.
His tone made you blush. Usually, you would each pay your part, you would pay his on his birthday, he would pay yours on your birthday too, but he sometimes payed when you were sad, stressed, or when you didn't notice he'd walked to the counter and pre-payed your order. And that happened a lot.
"W-why would you pay?" you asked as he clicked his belt on. "There's nothing special going on today."
"Why wouldn't I?" Seungmin answered, putting his hand on your seat to reverse out of your building's parking spot. It took all of your brain not to look at his forearm, so close, so so close to your eyes. You had noticed Seungmin was an handsome man - who would have not? - but it seemed even more obvious now that you knew how he felt about you.
"Why would you pay?"
"Because... I want to."
"Why do you want to pay?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he repeated, leaning to look at you. Seeing the sudden blush on your skin, his breath hitched. Oh, he wished he could lean just a bit more and... but instead, he leaned back, behaving like the good and respectful best friend he was.
"O-Okay. Thank you then."
Seungmin smiled as he focused on the road towards the coffeeshop. That smiled stayed on for the entire ride, when he opened the door of the room for you and in the line till the counter.
"So, a iced latte and Apple/Lemon iced-tea, both to go. It will be 15,200₩."
"We'll pay together."
"Please insert your card here."
As Seungmin typed his code, you couldn't help but notice how the cashier seemed eager to say something. That's only when her eyes met yours that she dared to speak.
"You... I don't want to sound too personal but you two make a great couple. I wish I'll find someone to be as close as you two seem."
Once more, your cheeks took the brightest shade of pink. Turning to look at Seungmin, you noticed how his polite expression took a surprised tint that changed into a satisfied one.
"Thank you. Have a great day."
As he walked to your usual spot, you stuttered, then hurried yourself after him.
"W...Why didn't you said something?"
"Hm?"
You scratched your throat as you lowered your drink. Looking at the fruits dancing in their juice stopped being interesting after a good minute.
"Why didn't you said something to the cashier. About us being..."
"A couple? Because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable because of her mistake."
His answer made your heart clench a bit. So it was only for her not to feel awkward? You took another sip of your tea, feeling even bitter than the drink.
"...and because I liked it."
"Sorry?"
Seungmin took a quick glance at you as he turned the contact off, his car now parked in the student parking spot of the university.
"Because I like the fact that other thing we are together. We would be a cute couple."
If your heart was still beating, it clearly had stopped now. Seungmin chuckled, half embarrassed, half proud. He wasn't used to admit his feelings like that, but your cute reactions were one hundred percent worth it.
You scribbled quick notes about your class. Today's topic was French Literature, and it was hard to stay focused on whatever the professor was saying. Roxane's story in 'Lettres persanes" was extremely interesting, but today was the last day before holidays. You could swear you would be able to taste it in the air. It was buzzing, everyone was waiting for the class to be dismissed. Your attention got caught as your elbow bumped into your neighbor's hand - Seungmin's hand. As you were ready to apologize, you noticed he was sliding his sheet towards you. Your eyes ran down the page, as you saw how perfect and clean his notes were. You rolled your eyes before focusing back onto your own notes.
It was before his finger met your wrist. Without saying anything, he pointed as the margin of his paper, where was written something.
"At what time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow? We're having the keys at 11am and it's three hours away."
Oh.
Tomorrow was the first day of the reservation. Tomorrow was the first day of a seven-day long trip with your best friend. Trying to avoid his gaze, you quickly scribbled an answer on your own paper - writing on his was too risky, elbows meeting, leaning towards him... too risky - and slid it towards him.
"Maybe 7am? Or at half."
Seungmin nodded, before resting his chin on his hand. Little did he knew, it was only to hide how excited he was for tomorrow.
⤷ part of the weight of love: eight ways to STAY series
you spend years loving them both in the quiet ways that matter most, never asking for more than the small place you’ve been given in their lives. but when the lines between caretaker, family, and something far more tender begin to blur, chan is forced to face the love growing where he thought only grief could live. caught between loyalty to the woman he lost and the future waiting softly at his door, he has to decide whether letting you in means letting her go.
pairing single dad!chan x babysitter!reader
genre employer/employee to lovers, slow burn, angst
rating mature, 18+
word count 14k
warnings character death (past) ; themes of grieving ; slight age gap ; brief scene of child in distress ; graphic & detailed smut ; oral (m receiving) ; p in v sex
𓄲 get your tissues hunnies, it's gonna be a very bump ride. started this fic and another one on the list a while ago. and then that freaking skz code came out that made me and @joyracha go crazy in the dms and decided to build a series around them. and now here we are! as always, i went rogue and wrote way more than i planned, but hopefully you enjoy! please, if you do like this fic and want to see more, show your love by not only liking, but reblogging and commenting! us creators really do get encouragement by seeing your engagement <3
m a s t e r l i s t .ᐟ i n b o x .ᐟ
There are some people who enter your life like weather, all at once and impossible to ignore, and then there are people who become part of its structure so gradually that, one day, you look around and realize years have gone by.
Chan and Haneul are the second kind.
By the time you are twenty-three, halfway through a degree in childhood development and balancing lectures, readings, and practicum hours with more care than sleep, three years of your life have already been folded quietly into theirs. Not in a way that announces itself. Not in a way that invites questions. More in the way a favorite blanket grows softer with use.
You meet Haneul when she is two years old and too young to understand why the world around her has changed, only that it has. A terrible car accident takes her mother in a single, brutal instant, leaving behind a silence too large for a small child to name and too cruel for a man like Chan to fight with anything but endurance.
In the months that follow, his grief becomes something private and disciplined, tucked neatly beneath pressed shirts, beneath tired eyes, beneath the careful steadiness of a father who no longer has the luxury of falling apart.
He does not stop moving because Haneul still needs breakfast in the morning. She still needs her hair brushed, her shoes found, her tiny hands washed after snacks. She still needs lullabies and cartoons and someone to explain why the moon keeps following the car home. The world does not pause to honor sorrow when there is a toddler asking to be carried because her legs are tired.
That is where you come in.
At first, you are only meant to be help. A recommendation passed between neighbors and family friends and someone’s older sister who swears you are responsible, sweet, good with children, the kind of girl who actually gets down to eye level when a child talks instead of nodding absentmindedly while looking at her phone.
You arrive for the first time with your tote bag slung over one shoulder, your hair hurriedly fixed after class, and a nervousness you try to hide beneath a gentle smile. You expect a child made wary by loss, maybe even difficult in the way grieving children are often allowed to become by adults too afraid to say no to them.
Instead, you find a little girl with enormous eyes and a quietness that doesn’t belong on someone so young, sitting on the living room rug with a plush rabbit in her lap.
And you find Chan.
He opens the door looking older than twenty-five should allow, dressed in a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants, one hand braced against the frame as if he has not sat down all day. His face is handsome in a way that catches you off guard even then, but it is not beauty that lingers with you afterward. It is the exhaustion. The terrible, polished kind. The sort worn by people who have convinced everyone around them that they are managing because the alternative would frighten them.
You remember how carefully he speaks to you that first day, like he is afraid of coming across rude when really he is simply stretched too thin to decorate his words.
“Thank you for coming,” he says, voice rough from disuse or fatigue. “I know this is last minute.”
You tell him it is no problem, and you mean it.
In the beginning, Haneul watches you more than she talks. She is slow to trust in the quiet, wounded way of children who have learned that permanence is not guaranteed, and so you do not rush her. You sit on the floor. You let her bring you toys instead of asking for them. You read books in different voices until she starts to smile at the funny parts. You memorize the exact way she likes her apple slices cut, the songs that make her sleepy, the order of the bedtime routine that keeps tears from gathering in her lashes. Bath, pajamas, two stories, one song, the rabbit tucked beneath her arm, the hallway light left on just enough for the room not to feel endless.
You are studying childhood development, yes, but some things cannot be taught in lecture halls. Some things live in instinct. In patience. In the willingness to hold steady when a child tests whether you really mean it when you say you’ll still be there after they wake up from their nap.
Haneul tests you in all the ways that matter. You pass without ever making it seem like a test at all. And Chan notices.
Not all at once. He is too tired in those first months to do much beyond survive them, but even survival has its moments of clarity. He notices that Haneul cries less on the days you come over. He notices that she starts sleeping through the night more often after you begin watching her regularly. He notices that when she falls and scrapes her knee, she lets you clean it without fuss because your hands are gentle and certain and never tremble, even when hers do.
Most of all, he notices that you never treat his daughter like a fragile thing to be pitied. You speak to her like someone whole. And that alone feels like a miracle.
So what begins as occasional babysitting becomes something far more rooted. Your schedule bends around theirs. Tuesdays and Thursdays after class. Friday evenings when Chan works late or simply needs an hour to breathe without feeling guilty for it. Entire Saturdays sometimes, when errands pile up or Haneul grows clingy and insists on asking every hour when you’re coming.
You become a fixture of the apartment so gradually it almost escapes notice. Your sneakers by the door. Your cardigan draped over the dining chair. Your handwriting on sticky notes by the fridge reminding Chan that Haneul ate all her strawberries already and will definitely ask for more.
The apartment changes too. Not because grief leaves it, but because your presence teaches it how to hold something besides grief.
It is never a large place, but it is warm. The kind of warmth earned through living rather than design. Soft cream walls. Toys tucked into woven baskets that never fully contain them. Crayon drawings held up by magnets on the refrigerator. Storybooks stacked sideways on the coffee table. A faint scent of detergent, baby shampoo long outgrown but not quite forgotten, and whatever Chan has managed to cook between work and fatherhood.
There is always evidence of him everywhere, though none of it showy. A jacket thrown over the couch. A half-finished mug of coffee gone cold on the counter. His laptop open beside a pile of Haneul’s coloring pages because his life is a constant negotiation between responsibility and interruption.
He is the sort of father who carries everything without announcing the weight of it. The sort who wakes at the slightest sound from down the hall, who knows the difference between Haneul’s sleepy whine and her truly upset cry, who kneels beside her bed in the middle of the night with one hand smoothing over her hair while the other checks the temperature on her forehead. He remembers pediatrician appointments without reminders. Keeps extra wipes in the car, crackers in the pantry, Band-Aids in three different drawers. He moves through fatherhood with a quiet competence that would look effortless if you did not know better.
But you do know better.
You see the tiredness under his eyes when he lingers in the kitchen after you arrive, finishing the coffee he forgot to drink hot. You notice the way he thanks you every single time, never once acting entitled to your care even after years of it. You know how often he apologizes for being late, for the toys on the floor, for Haneul being fussy, as if you haven’t already seen him manage work calls while tying the laces on sparkly shoes and cutting sandwiches into stars because she once decided squares were too boring to eat.
There is a devotion in him that feels almost sacred. It lives in the smallest things. In the way he crouches to zip Haneul’s jacket all the way to her chin before stepping outside. In the way he always, always looks back if she calls for him, no matter how busy he is. In the way his voice changes around her, softening at the edges until it becomes something rich and tender enough to wrap around a child like a blanket.
You fall in love with him slowly enough to pretend for a while that you are not falling at all.
Maybe it starts with admiration. Maybe with the first time you see him asleep on the couch after a long day, Haneul sprawled across his chest, one of his arms curved around her even unconscious, as if his body itself knows to protect what he loves. Maybe it starts the night Haneul has a fever and Chan comes home early, tie pulled loose, panic tucked beneath composure, and the relief in his face at finding you there with her makes your chest ache in a way that follows you for days.
Maybe it starts a hundred different times, in a hundred small, impossible moments, until one day you realize your affection has become something far deeper and infinitely more dangerous. You never say a word because know your place.
You are the babysitter. The trusted one, yes. The beloved one, maybe. The one Haneul runs to with drawings clutched in her hand and secrets already spilling from her mouth. The one Chan relies on more than he probably means to. But still, the babysitter. Younger than him by five years, still in college, still building a life of your own. Whatever tenderness threatens to gather in the quiet between you is neatly folded away before it can become visible.
You are not careless with his grief. That, more than anything, keeps you still.
Because even three years later, his wife is not a shadow in this home. She is a presence. A photograph in Haneul’s room. A framed wedding picture tucked onto a bookshelf in the living room. A name spoken gently when Haneul asks questions in that childlike way that manages to be both innocent and piercing. Sometimes, when Haneul is already asleep and the apartment has settled into evening, Chan will look at that photograph for half a second too long before thanking you for staying late.
You never mention it. You never need to.
Loyalty clings to him with the same quiet persistence as grief. Not performative, not self-pitying—simply true. He loved her. He loves her still, in the strange enduring way people love the dead, where memory becomes both comfort and punishment. There are parts of him that remain turned toward that loss even while the rest of him keeps moving forward for Haneul’s sake.
You understand this. You respect it. You build your distance around it brick by careful brick.
And yet time has a way of softening edges no one meant to touch.
Haneul is five now, all bright chatter and quick feet and opinions about everything from cereal shapes to which stuffed animals deserve spots on her bed. She has grown out of her toddler roundness into the delicate, lovely little girl she was always going to become, and somehow, without anyone formally deciding it, you have become woven into the rhythm of her life. You know the names of her classmates, the songs from her favorite cartoons, the exact color she calls “princess pink,” though it looks suspiciously like regular pink to everybody else. She asks for you with the unquestioning certainty children reserve for the people they believe belong to them.
And that is where things begin to shift.
Not because you change.
You are still kind in all the same ways, still patient, still thoughtful, still loving with a steadiness that makes Haneul bloom toward you like something reaching for sunlight. You still arrive with little snacks tucked into your bag and kneel to fasten tiny sandals and sit through tea parties where the tea is invisible and apparently scalding. You still love Chan from a distance so disciplined it sometimes feels like another form of prayer.
No, what changes is harder to control because it is not yours alone.
Haneul starts to look at you with something deeper than affection.
Children do not always have the language for the shapes their hearts make, but they feel those shapes with startling clarity. The comfort of you. The safety. The constancy. The way your hands smooth back her hair when she is upset, the way your voice lowers instinctively when she needs soothing, the way you remember every small thing that matters to her.
The resemblance is not in your face or your voice or your mannerisms. It is in the role your love begins to occupy.
Chan notices it before he lets himself name it.
He notices Haneul reaching for you first after scraping her palm on the playground, even with him standing right there. Notices the easy way she leans into your side during movie nights. Notices the childish, unquestioning possessiveness with which she says your name, as though you have always belonged inside the borders of her world. At first, he tells himself it means only that she trusts you, that your presence has become important to her in the natural way caretakers become important to children.
Then one evening, standing in the kitchen while you help Haneul wash paint from her fingers, he looks up and sees the scene in the darkened reflection of the window above the sink.
You with your sleeves rolled to your elbows, smiling softly as Haneul chatters about the family of lopsided paper butterflies she made that afternoon. Haneul looking up at you with that unguarded little face, all trust and attachment and love. The domestic intimacy of it striking the room so cleanly that it takes the air with it.
Something in his expression changes before he can stop it. Because for the first time, the thought does not arrive as a blur. It arrives whole.
Haneul does not just adore you. She is beginning, in the tender unconscious way of children, to love you in a place shaped suspiciously close to where a mother belongs.
And Chan, who has spent three years carrying grief in one hand and fatherhood in the other, finds himself standing at the edge of a truth he does not know how to survive.
Not only because of what Haneul feels. But because when he looks at you now, his gaze lingers.
On your smile. On your patience. On the quiet grace with which you move through his home as if care is your native language. On the life you have breathed into corners of this apartment he thought would stay dim forever.
And worse than that, more frightening than that, is the part he cannot confess to anyone.
His thoughts linger too.
Not in a reckless way. Never that. Chan is not careless, least of all with you. But desire is not always something dramatic or easily shamed. Sometimes it comes dressed as tenderness that lasts a second too long. As awareness. As the dangerous warmth of noticing your beauty when you tuck loose strands of hair behind your ear while listening to Haneul explain a dream in serious detail. As the temptation to stay in the doorway just to hear you laugh again. As the ache of imagining, only for a moment, what it would mean to let himself want something more.
And every single time, loyalty drags him back. Loyalty to the woman he lost. To the life he thought he would still have. To the version of himself who believes moving on must feel like betrayal if it is ever going to count as real.
So he says nothing. You say nothing. And the three of you continue like that, poised on the fragile edge of something unnamed, each day carrying you a little closer to the point where silence will no longer be enough.
That is how you get here.
Three years after a tragedy that rearranged everything. Three years after you first stepped into Chan’s apartment expecting to offer temporary help and somehow became part of the architecture of his life. Three years of bedtime stories and shared routines and feelings tucked away so carefully they have started to sharpen with the pressure of being held.
Now Haneul is five years old, clever and affectionate and much too perceptive for her own good. You are older too, steadier in yourself, though no less cautious. Chan is twenty-eight and still trying to carry everything alone, still devoted, still gentle, still breaking in places no one sees.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, love has begun to gather.
Not the easy kind. The kind that arrives with history. With grief. With guilt and longing and the unbearable hope of being chosen anyway.
The front door unlocks with the familiar click that always seems to travel through the apartment a beat before Chan does, and the moment it does, Haneul’s entire body lights up.
She has been coloring on the living room floor for the last twenty minutes, tongue peeking out in concentration as she presses a purple crayon too hard against the paper, but at the sound of the door, she gasps like something wonderful and long-awaited has finally arrived. Her crayon rolls away forgotten as she scrambles to her feet.
“Daddy!”
Her voice rings through the apartment bright as bells, and then she is gone in a blur of little socks and wild hair, racing across the hardwood with all the unrestrained devotion of a child who has been waiting to see her favorite person all day.
You do not have to look to know what comes next.
Chan barely gets the door shut behind him before Haneul crashes into his legs, her arms wrapping around him with enough force to make him laugh softly under his breath. It is the kind of laugh you have learned to listen for over the years, quieter when he is tired, roughened around the edges after a long day, but always there for her. Always immediate.
“Hey, baby,” he murmurs, his voice worn down by hours of work and city traffic and whatever else the day has managed to drag over him, but turning warm the second he bends down to scoop her up. “Miss me that much?”
“Yes,” Haneul says with the seriousness of someone stating a fact beyond debate, her arms looping around his neck as he lifts her against his chest. “A lot.”
You can picture it without stepping away from the stove. The way his shoulders finally loosen once he has her in his arms. The way his cheek brushes the side of her head. The way exhaustion never disappears from him all at once, but shifts, settles, becomes something gentler the moment she is close enough to hold.
From the kitchen, you stir the sauce one last time and lower the heat, letting the apartment fill with the warm, savory scent of garlic and soy and browned onions. The pan gives a soft, steady hiss under your hand, steam fogging briefly against your wrist before curling away. Rice waits fluffed in the pot beside it, and the vegetables you chopped earlier are soft now, glossy under the kitchen light. It is not anything extravagant, just dinner, just something simple and comforting after a day that has clearly asked too much of him already, but you know by now that sometimes the smallest things land with the most force.
Chan rounds the corner into the kitchen with Haneul still perched on his hip, and the second he sees you standing there in front of the stove, the look on his face shifts.
It is subtle, the kind of thing someone else might miss if they do not know him the way you do. His tie is gone, probably shoved into his work bag the moment he got into the car. The sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled to his forearms, slightly uneven, and there is a tiredness clinging to him that looks almost physical, something draped over his shoulders heavier than the leather strap of his briefcase.
His hair is a little mussed, his eyes faintly shadowed, and for a second he simply stands there taking in the sight of you in his kitchen, dinner nearly finished, his daughter tucked close against him, home smelling like something warm and lived-in instead of the sterile leftovers of takeout containers or the rushed effort of a meal made too late.
Then his mouth softens.
You know that look too.
It is never dramatic with Chan. Nothing with him ever is. But gratitude moves through him like low light across water, quiet and immediate and deeper than he usually lets anyone see.
“You’re cooking?” he asks, though the answer is obvious.
You smile over your shoulder at him, lifting the wooden spoon a little. “I am. Haneul told me she was starving and then listed six different things she wanted, so we compromised.”
Haneul, entirely unbothered by being exposed, presses her cheek into Chan’s shoulder and says, “I wanted spaghetti and dumplings and fish sticks and mac and cheese and strawberries.”
“And instead,” you say, amusement warming your voice, “she is getting chicken stir-fry, rice, and strawberries after dinner if she eats enough actual food first.”
Chan lets out a breath that almost passes for a laugh, though it still carries the roughness of exhaustion in it. “You’re a miracle, you know that?”
The words come out easy, automatic perhaps, but the way his eyes linger on you as he says them makes something inside you pull a little tighter.
You busy yourself with the pan, even though it does not need much attention anymore. “It’s not a miracle. It’s just dinner.”
“Still.” His voice lowers, quieter now, more sincere. “Thank you.”
When you glance back at him, really look at him, the gratitude sits plain on his face. It does something dangerous to your chest every time, the way he thanks you as though your care is never expected, never owed, always something precious enough to acknowledge. Even now, after years of stepping so naturally into the space his home seems to make for you, he never treats your presence like entitlement. He treats it like grace.
Haneul wriggles, suddenly impatient. “Can I set the table?”
“You can help,” you say.
That is enough to make her squirm out of Chan’s arms at once, her little feet landing hard against the floor before she darts toward the cabinet where the plates are stacked. Chan watches her go, the same way he always does, with that quiet attentiveness that never fully leaves him, and then he exhales slowly, one hand settling on the back of a dining chair as if he needs the pause.
Up close, the weariness on him is even clearer. Not just tired. Pulled thin.
“Long day?” you ask softly.
His mouth tips in something that is not quite a smile. “You could say that.”
He does not elaborate right away. He rarely does, at least not until the apartment has softened around him and Haneul is distracted enough that he can let a little more of the day show on his face. Instead, he loosens the top button of his shirt and steps closer to the stove, drawn in by the smell.
“That smells incredible,” he says. “Seriously.”
“It should be decent,” you reply. “We’ve been taste-testing.”
“We?” he echoes, glancing toward Haneul, who is now carrying forks to the table with great concentration, as though transporting priceless artifacts.
“We meaning me,” you say dryly, “while your daughter declared herself head chef and supervised.”
That earns you a fuller smile this time, brief but real. It changes him every time it happens, makes him look younger than grief and responsibility usually allow. Then his gaze drops to the skillet again, curiosity touching the edges of his expression.
“What is it exactly?”
“Soy-garlic chicken,” you tell him. “With vegetables. The sauce is a little sweet, so Haneul approved.”
“Of course she did.” He studies the pan a second longer, then looks at you. “Where did you learn how to make that?”
The question is casual. So are you when you answer.
“Oh.” You set the spoon down against the rest by the stove and reach for the bowls. “I went to a cooking class once for a first date, and they taught us a version of it.”
The silence that follows is not loud, but it is immediate.
It moves through the kitchen like something invisible suddenly slipping between the cabinets and counters, small but unmistakable. You only really register it when you turn, two bowls in your hands, and find Chan standing exactly where he was a second ago, except now there is something different in his face.
Not anger. Not even disapproval. Just a kind of stillness.
It takes you a moment to understand why.
His eyes rest on you with an unreadable weight, his expression gone carefully neutral in the way it does when he is keeping something behind his teeth. For the briefest second, he almost looks startled, as though the words first date have landed somewhere in him he was not prepared to expose.
You blink, suddenly aware of how oddly intimate the conversation has become for something so harmless.
“It wasn’t recent,” you add lightly, setting the bowls on the table. “It was a while ago.”
Chan nods once, but it is delayed enough that you notice.
“Right,” he says.
That single word is perfectly even. Too even.
You glance at him again, trying not to let your confusion show. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m not,” he says, which would be more convincing if he did not still look a little thrown.
A tiny smile starts tugging at your mouth despite yourself. “Chan.”
He drags a hand over the back of his neck, his gaze flicking briefly toward Haneul before returning to you. “You went to a cooking class for a first date?”
There it is. Not accusation, exactly. Just disbelief tinged with something you cannot quite place at first, something quieter and sharper than surprise.
You lean one hip against the counter, suddenly more aware of him than you should be, of the loosened collar of his shirt and the tired line of his shoulders and the way his attention has narrowed entirely onto you.
“Yes,” you say, a little amused now. “That is what I said.”
He lets out a soft breath through his nose, almost scoffing, though there is no edge to it. “That feels…” He pauses, like he is choosing a word he will not regret. “Specific.”
You laugh then, unable not to. “It was specific. The whole thing was supposed to be charming.”
“Was it?”
You tilt your head. “The class or the date?”
His eyes hold yours for a fraction too long. “The date.”
The answer should be easy. It should be nothing. A passing anecdote attached to a recipe and no more important than that. But Chan is looking at you in a way that makes the air feel thinner, and for a second you can feel the shape of something unspoken pressing against the edges of the room.
You look away first, reaching for the strawberries just to have something to do with your hands.
“It was fine,” you say. “Not especially memorable, apparently, since the chicken is what lasted.”
Chan hums quietly, though it does not sound like amusement. Something in his expression shifts again, gentling and darkening at once, a flicker so fast you almost miss it.
Jealousy is not a look you have ever thought to assign him. Not toward you. Not in relation to you. The very idea feels too impossible to touch directly, and yet there is something faintly unsettled in the way he stands there, in the careful blankness he is trying to hold over whatever instinctive reaction your answer has stirred.
He has no right to it. You know that. He knows that too. But apparently knowing does not stop it from existing.
The realization arrives slowly enough to be dangerous.
Chan’s gaze drops for a moment to your hands as you rinse the strawberries, then lifts again to your face, quieter now.
“I guess,” he says, voice low, “I never really think about you dating.”
There is no flirtation in the words. That would almost be easier to survive.
What there is instead is honesty, reluctant and unvarnished, as if the sentence slipped out before he could decide whether to keep it.
Your fingers still beneath the running water. You turn the faucet off carefully. “I date,” you say, aiming for casual and not entirely trusting yourself to hit it.
His jaw shifts almost imperceptibly. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”
But he does not sound like he knew. He sounds like someone who has just remembered that you exist outside the borders of this apartment, outside bedtime stories and dinner prep and afternoons spent kneeling beside his daughter to help with tiny shoes and crayons. Like the image of you with someone else has caught him off guard in a way he does not understand well enough to conceal.
At the table, Haneul starts humming to herself while lining up napkins with painstaking precision, blissfully unaware of the strange, fragile thing gathering in the kitchen behind her.
You dry your hands on a dish towel and keep your tone deliberately light, though your pulse has begun doing something inconvenient under your skin.
“It was one date, Chan,” you say. “You look like I told you I ran away to join the circus.”
That gets the smallest laugh out of him, but it is brief, and when it fades, his gaze stays on you.
“Sorry,” he murmurs.
The word lands heavier than it should.
You shake your head. “You don’t have to apologize.”
Maybe he does not. Maybe he does.
He glances down, fingers curling against the back of the chair beside him, his expression tightening in a way that tells you he is aware, at least in part, that he has stepped somewhere he should not have. That whatever flicker passed through him a moment ago does not belong to him. Not with you. Not like this.
When he looks back up, he has smoothed himself out again, though not completely.
“Just surprised me, I guess.”
You could leave it there. You should leave it there. Instead, because some reckless little thread in you wants to tug at the seam and see what gives, you ask softly, “Why?”
Chan’s eyes meet yours, and something in the room stills all over again.
For one suspended second, he looks like he might answer. Really answer. Not with something easy or polite, but with the truth or some dangerous piece of it.
Then Haneul spins around in her chair and announces, “I did the forks all by myself.”
The moment breaks cleanly, almost cruelly.
Chan looks away first, that gentle father-softness returning to his face as he turns toward her. “You did?” he says, moving to inspect the table. “That’s impressive.”
You stand there for a beat longer, dish towel still clutched in your hands, the ghost of that almost-confession hovering between your ribs like heat that has nowhere to go.
Then you follow, setting the bowl of strawberries aside for later and bringing dinner to the table.
Conversation slips back into safer things. Haneul chatters about a girl in her class who insists pink crayons work better than red ones. Chan listens, asks questions, and eats like someone who did not realize until the first bite just how hungry he was. More than once, you catch him looking at you when he thinks your attention is elsewhere, and each time he looks away a second too late, the awareness of it settling over you both like a secret too new to name.
Haneul’s bath time has long since developed its own little rituals, the kind children attach themselves to with fierce sincerity once they decide a routine belongs to them.
One of them is the singing.
It starts nearly a year ago, after a phase where she becomes convinced that closing the bathroom door means vanishing, and though she has long since outgrown the fear itself, the habit remains. Whenever she is in the tub and you are not standing directly beside it, she has to sing the entire time. Loudly, continuously, and with enough enthusiasm that neither you nor Chan ever have to wonder where she is or whether she has decided, in some burst of five-year-old ambition, to attempt something reckless with a wet foot and too much confidence.
Tonight, her voice floats down the short hallway in cheerful, slightly off-key waves, rising and falling over the splash of bathwater.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little starrrr,” she belts from the bathroom, only to abandon it halfway through and pivot into a cartoon song about a rabbit who loves carrots and friendship. The words are mostly wrong. The volume is not.
You smile to yourself as you pull her comforter smooth over the mattress, tucking the corners just the way she likes so she can burrow under them dramatically later and declare herself a sleepy princess. Her rabbit is placed at the top of the bed, facing outward. Her nightlight is plugged in. On the small dresser beside the lamp, the framed photo of her mother catches the soft yellow light and gives it back in a muted gleam.
The room is warm with familiar things. Lavender lotion. Clean pajamas laid out in a neat little pile. A picture book already waiting on the pillow. Haneul’s world always feels especially tender at night, as though the room itself settles into a gentler shape once the day begins to dim.
From the bathroom, her voice rises again.
“I’m a bunny, bunny, bunny in the baaath!”
You laugh under your breath. “Keep singing, baby.”
“I am!” she shouts back, indignant and sincere.
You are fluffing the second pillow when you feel, more than hear, someone stop in the doorway.
Chan does not announce himself right away. He only stands there for a second, one shoulder resting lightly against the frame, watching you move around Haneul’s room with easy familiarity. By now, you know the weight of his silence well enough to recognize when it means thought rather than exhaustion, and tonight there is something deliberate in it.
When you glance over, he has changed out of his work clothes into a soft black T-shirt and gray lounge pants, the lines of the day gentled but not erased. His hair is slightly damp at the temples from a shower, and there is a stillness about him that tells you he has been carrying something since dinner and has finally decided to bring it back out into the light.
Haneul’s singing bounces down the hall again, louder this time.
Chan’s mouth tilts faintly. “She’s really committing to it tonight.”
You smooth your palm over the blanket one last time. “She knows the rule.”
“She also knows how to turn it into a full concert.”
“That too.”
He steps into the room then, slow and unhurried, his gaze brushing over the bed, the pajamas, your hands lingering near the pillow. There is always something dangerous in moments like this, in the domestic ease of them. In how naturally you fit here. In how much less space there seems to be between you when the apartment is quiet and Haneul’s little voice is the only thing filling the air.
For a second, he says nothing. Then, as casually as if he were asking about the weather, he says, “So…that cooking class date.”
You turn your head toward him fully, already suspicious of the neutrality in his tone. “What about it?”
He lifts one shoulder, feigning lightness badly enough that it almost makes you smile. “Nothing. I was just thinking about it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes flick to the stuffed rabbit on the bed, then back to you. “Guess I’m still surprised.”
There is that word again. Surprised. It shouldn’t needle at you the way it does, but something about it has been sitting under your skin since dinner, unresolved and quietly aggravating.
“Surprised that I can cook?” you ask.
A breath of amusement touches his face. “That’s not what I meant.”
You fold your arms loosely, leaning one hip against Haneul’s dresser. “Then what did you mean?”
From down the hall comes a splash, then an enthusiastic, “Bunny bunny bath time queen!”
Chan exhales softly through his nose, but his attention never leaves you. “I told you,” he says. “I just don’t really think about you dating.”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
The words leave your mouth lighter than they feel, sharpened by something you had not intended to show. Chan notices it immediately. You can tell by the way his expression changes, something in it tightening just enough to make the room feel smaller.
“It’s not a problem,” he says quietly.
“No?” You tip your head. “Because you’ve seemed pretty bothered by it for someone who claims it isn’t.”
His jaw shifts. “I’m not bothered.”
You give him a look.
From the bathroom, Haneul transitions into a drawn-out version of the alphabet song, half of the letters swallowed by the echo of tile.
Chan drags a hand over the back of his neck. “I said I was surprised. That’s all.”
“And I said I date.”
The silence that follows is thin and fragile, stretched tight between you.
Maybe if he had left it at dinner, if he had let the moment break and disappear under the noise of plates and Haneul’s chatter, this would still be manageable. But he is here now, bringing it up again in the quiet of her bedroom, after bathwater has started sloshing against enamel and the night has settled enough that every glance feels heavier than it should.
Your heart is beating too hard for something so small.
Chan’s voice lowers. “You know what I mean.”
“No,” you say, and now the frustration is there, unmistakable. “Actually, I don’t.”
His brow furrows, not in anger but in a kind of guarded discomfort, as if this has moved beyond the shape he hoped it would keep. “You’re upset.”
You laugh once, though there is no humor in it. “You’re the one asking follow-up questions about a date I went on forever ago.”
“I asked one question.”
“You brought it back up.”
His eyes flash with something that is not quite irritation and not quite embarrassment, but close enough to both that it catches heat against your own. “Because I was trying to understand why it got under my skin.”
The honesty of that startles you, but only for a second.
“Then maybe you should understand it on your own,” you say, your voice softening in volume and sharpening everywhere else. “Because you don’t get to act weird every time you remember I have a life outside this apartment.”
Chan straightens a little, his face going still in that careful way it does when he feels something too much and is trying not to let it show. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He looks at you. And there it is again, that unbearable sense of something pressing at the edges of the room, something too big and too dangerous to stay unnamed much longer.
You are suddenly aware of everything. The soft lamp glow. Haneul’s distant singing, now wandering into nonsense lyrics about stars and strawberries and glitter. The framed photograph on the dresser beside your elbow. The fact that Chan is standing only a few feet away and somehow feels both impossibly close and nowhere you can safely reach.
When he speaks, his voice is quiet enough that it almost disappears into the room. “You know I can’t…”
He does not finish. But it’s enough.
All the restraint you have wrapped around yourself for years pulls tight at once, then frays.
“Can’t what?” you ask, and your own voice has changed now too, gone unsteady around the edges. “Be upset that I date? Want to know about my life? Feel anything?”
Chan’s expression flickers, pain and caution moving through it so quickly that you almost miss the distinction between them. “Don’t,” he says. It is not a warning. It is closer to a plea.
“No,” you say, because suddenly you cannot bear this version of him, this version of the two of you, where everything is measured and bitten back and left to rot in silence. “You don’t get to do that.”
His gaze fixes on you, unreadable except for the tension in it. “Do what?”
“This.” You gesture helplessly between you, frustration spilling out now that it has found a crack. “Acting like it bothers you when I date, acting like it means something, and then pretending it doesn’t. Pretending you don’t feel what I feel too.”
The words hang there.
For one terrible second, the room becomes perfectly still.
Even from the bathroom, Haneul’s singing seems farther away, thinner, as though the world itself has pulled back to listen.
Chan does not move. His face changes, but only slightly. A tiny falter. A break in the careful control he wears like armor.
You hear your own pulse in your ears.
The moment after a confession is always stranger than the confession itself. You expect release, maybe ruin, maybe relief. Instead there is only exposure, raw and immediate and impossible to take back.
Chan’s throat works once before he speaks. “You think I don’t know that?” he asks, and his voice is so low it nearly fractures under the weight of it. “You think I haven’t been fighting that every day?”
Your breath catches.
He takes half a step forward, not enough to close the distance, only enough to make it feel deliberate.
“You think I don’t see the way she looks at you? The way you take care of her, take care of us, like it’s the most natural thing in the world?” His eyes search your face, torn open now in a way that almost hurts to witness. “You think I haven’t noticed what this has become?”
Something hot stings behind your eyes before you can stop it. “Then why are you standing there acting like I’m the only one who has to live with it?”
Chan opens his mouth.
And then the apartment splits open with Haneul’s scream.
It is so sudden, so sharp and terrified, that both of you are moving before the sound has even finished leaving her throat.
“Haneul!”
Chan is out the door first, your feet nearly tripping over each other as you rush down the hall after him. The bathroom light is too bright when you burst inside. Haneul is half-sitting, half-sliding in the tub, water sloshed over the edge and onto the tile, her face crumpled in fear as she coughs and cries at once, tiny hands grasping blindly for something steady.
“I slipped,” she sobs. “I slipped, Daddy.”
Chan is on his knees beside the tub in an instant, all the tension from a moment ago gone, replaced by pure parental instinct. “I know, baby, I know. I’ve got you.” His voice is calm despite the fear flashing across his face as he reaches in and lifts her out, dripping and shaking, against his chest.
She is not hurt. You can see that almost immediately. Startled, frightened, maybe swallowed some water when she went under for a second, but not injured. Still, the panic in her is real, and that matters just as much.
Chan cradles her close, one large hand spread protectively over the back of her head while the other rubs slow circles between her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, over and over, his voice warm and anchoring even while his own breathing is unsteady. “You’re okay. Daddy’s got you.”
Haneul coughs again, crying harder now, her wet hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks flushed pink from heat and fright. Chan adjusts her against him, trying to soothe her, trying to calm the trembling little body in his arms.
Then she lifts her face, tears clinging to her lashes, and reaches for you. “Mommy,” she cries.
Everything stops. Something inside the three of you, sudden and absolute.
Chan freezes. So do you.
Haneul’s small hand opens and closes toward you, her face crumpling harder as she reaches again through tears and panic, too scared to understand what she has just done, only knowing that she wants comfort and that your name, your shape, your love have tangled themselves in her frightened little heart until this is what comes out.
“Mommy,” she sobs again, desperate this time.
The word lands like a stone dropped into still water, the impact rippling outward too fast to outrun.
Your mouth parts, but nothing comes out at first.
Chan looks at you. It lasts barely a second, maybe less, but the weight of it is enough to make the room tilt. Shock, grief, tenderness, something rawer than both, all flickering through his face before he lowers his eyes.
You move then because Haneul needs you. Whatever this moment is, whatever it will become later, cannot matter more than the little girl crying in front of you now.
“It’s okay, baby,” you whisper, stepping closer. Your hands shake only slightly as you take the towel from the rack and wrap it around her small body. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
Chan hesitates for the briefest second before letting you take her. Not because he is unwilling, but because the transfer itself feels loaded now in a way neither of you can bear to examine. Then Haneul is in your arms, warm and damp and trembling, clutching at your shoulders with frantic little fingers as you gather her close.
You hold her carefully, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other rubbing up and down her spine beneath the towel. “You’re all right,” you murmur into her wet hair. “You just got scared. That’s all. I’m here. Daddy’s here. You’re safe.”
Her sobs do not stop right away, but they begin to soften, breaking into smaller hitching breaths against your neck.
Chan stands. For a moment, he stays where he is, one hand braced against the edge of the sink, his head turned slightly away as though he cannot quite bear the sight in front of him and cannot stop looking at it either.
When he finally speaks, his voice is rough. “I need a minute.”
It is not directed at Haneul. Not really. It belongs somewhere between you and the tiled floor and the word still echoing in the steam-thick air.
He does not wait for an answer. He only drags a hand over his face and steps out, walking past the open door with the kind of rigid control that tells you he is holding himself together by force alone.
The bathroom feels too small after he leaves. Too warm. Too bright. Too full of things that can no longer be mistaken for simple. But Haneul is still in your arms, still trembling, still burying her face against your shoulder as if she can hide there from the fright of what just happened. So you hold her tighter.
You sway on instinct, gentle and slow, your own throat aching with everything you are not allowing yourself to feel yet.
“It’s okay,” you whisper again, pressing your cheek to the top of her damp head. “You’re okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
Outside the bathroom, you can hear nothing from Chan at all.
And somehow, that silence is louder than anything.
You dry her carefully, gently, like she is something easily startled back into fear.
Chan does not come back.
You feel that absence like a second pulse under your skin, but you do not go looking for him. Not yet. Not when Haneul still needs your hands steady, your voice soft, your attention anchored fully in her.
“Let’s get you warm, okay?” you murmur, wrapping the towel tighter around her small body.
She nods against your shoulder, still sniffling, her lashes clumped together with tears.
You help her into her pajamas slowly, guiding her arms through the sleeves, smoothing the fabric down over her back, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head when she leans into you without thinking. By the time you carry her down the hall, her breathing has steadied, but her fingers remain curled into the front of your shirt.
You sit with her on the bed first instead of laying her down immediately, letting her settle in your lap while you rub slow circles between her shoulders. The nightlight casts a faint glow along the wall, catching the edges of her mother’s photograph and turning the glass into something almost luminous.
Haneul’s voice, when she finally speaks, is small. “I didn’t mean to slip.”
“I know you didn’t,” you say gently. “Sometimes that just happens.”
She sniffles again, then presses her cheek into your collarbone. “I was singing.”
“I heard you. You were doing a very good job.”
That gets the faintest hint of a smile, though it fades quickly, her thoughts clearly drifting somewhere heavier.
You can feel it before she says anything. The shift. The way children carry fear into questions without meaning to.
After a moment, she lifts her head just enough to look at you. “Why did I say that?”
Your heart stumbles. You know what she means. Of course you do.
You smooth a damp strand of hair away from her forehead, buying yourself a second to breathe through the sudden tightness in your chest.
“You were scared,” you say softly. “And sometimes when we’re scared, we just…reach for the people who make us feel safe.”
She watches you carefully, her eyes still glassy with leftover tears. “But I said mommy.”
The word lands differently now. Not sharp like before. Just quiet. Confused.
You swallow gently. “Haneul,” you begin, your voice as steady as you can make it, “your mommy is…she’s in heaven, remember?”
She nods a little, though her expression remains uncertain.
“She’s always looking down at you,” you continue, brushing your thumb lightly across her cheek. “And she loves you so, so much. That doesn’t go away just because she can’t be here the way we wish she could.”
Haneul listens, her brows knitting slightly as she tries to hold onto something too big for her to fully understand.
“And I love you too,” you add, quieter now. “Even if I’m not your mommy.”
Her fingers tighten briefly in your shirt again. “I know,” she says.
The words are simple. Certain. But then her mouth wobbles, and the question that follows breaks something open in a different way. “It’s not fair.”
You blink.
“My friends all have a mom and a dad,” she continues, her voice trembling just enough to make your chest ache. “Why do I only have my dad?”
There is no easy answer for that. There never has been.
You draw her a little closer, pressing your lips to her hair for a moment before pulling back just enough to look at her again. “Sometimes life doesn’t give everyone the same things,” you say gently. “And that can feel really unfair. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
Her lower lip trembles. “I want my mommy.”
The honesty of it is unbearable in its simplicity.
“I know you do,” you whisper, your own throat tightening. “That makes sense. She was yours.”
Haneul leans into you again, quieter now, her small body softening with the weight of her feelings.
“But you know what you do have?” you continue softly, your hand smoothing down her back. “You have a dad who loves you more than anything in the world. You have someone who shows up for you every single day. And that matters so much, even if it doesn’t make everything feel better right away.”
She is quiet for a long moment. Then, very softly, she asks, “Why does Daddy look at you like he looks at Mommy’s picture then?”
The question lands without warning. For a second, you think you might have misheard her. Your breath catches in your throat, your hands going still against her back.
Haneul tilts her head slightly, studying your face with the same quiet curiosity she applies to everything she does not understand yet. “He does,” she says, as if clarifying something obvious. “Sometimes.”
There is no answer ready for that. No careful, gentle explanation you can give that will not unravel something you have spent years keeping neatly contained.
Your mouth opens, then closes. “I…” you start, and stop again.
Because what can you say? That she's wrong? She’s not. That she’s right? You cannot. That her father is a man carrying grief and love in the same breath and does not know how to separate them anymore? That is not something a five-year-old should have to hold.
So you do the only thing you can. You pull her a little closer and press your cheek against her hair. “Sometimes grown-ups look at people in ways that are hard to explain,” you say quietly. “It doesn’t mean anything bad. It just means…feelings can be hard.”
She considers that, her small face thoughtful in a way that makes her seem older than she should be.
Then, eventually, she nods. “Okay.”
It is not full understanding, but it’s enough for now.
You help her lie down, tucking the comforter around her the way she likes, making sure the rabbit is secured in her arms. Her breathing evens out more quickly this time, exhaustion finally catching up with her after the scare, her lashes fluttering as sleep begins to pull at her.
You brush your fingers lightly through her hair. “I’ll be right here,” you murmur.
She hums softly in response, already drifting.
The apartment feels different once you step out of her room.
The hallway stretches a little longer than usual, the light dimmer somehow, as if the walls themselves have absorbed everything that just happened and are holding it close.
You hesitate outside Chan’s door because you can hear him.
Not loudly. Chan does not fall apart in ways that draw attention. Even now, the sound is muffled, contained, like he is trying to keep it from escaping into the rest of the apartment.
But it’s there. A quiet, uneven breath. A stifled sob he does not quite manage to swallow in time.
Your chest tightens painfully and push the door open slowly.
The room is dim, lit only by the low glow of the bedside lamp. Chan is sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows braced against his knees, one hand covering his mouth as he tries to keep himself quiet. His shoulders are hunched forward, the line of his back rigid in a way that tells you he has been holding this in for too long.
He doesn’t notice you right away. Or maybe he does, and he just cannot bring himself to react yet.
“Chan,” you say softly.
He flinches. It’s small, almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Then he drags his hand down over his face, scrubbing hard as if he can wipe away the evidence of what you have just walked in on.
“I’m fine,” he says, voice rough and unsteady in a way that makes the words ring hollow immediately.
You close the door behind you. “No, you’re not.”
For a second, he does not respond. Then his shoulders sag, the fight draining out of him all at once like something finally giving way.
You cross the room slowly, giving him time to pull himself back together if he needs it, though you already know he will not. Not this time.
When you reach him, you don’t ask permission. You simply sit beside him and wrap your arms around him.
And Chan breaks. He leans into you like he has been waiting for something solid to hold onto, his forehead pressing against your shoulder as his breath stutters out of him, quiet and uneven. One of his hands grips at the fabric of your shirt, not hard, just enough to anchor himself, and you can feel the tremor running through him like something too big to contain anymore.
You hold him tighter. Your hand moves up to cradle the back of his head, fingers slipping into his hair the way you have done a hundred times for Haneul, the motion instinctive and soft and steady. “It’s okay,” you whisper, even though you know it is not.
He shakes his head against you. “No,” he breathes, voice breaking on the word. “It’s not.”
You don’t argue. You just let him have it.
The quiet sobs come and go, each one sounding like it has been dragged up from somewhere deep and long-guarded. You stay with him through all of it, your grip firm but gentle, your presence the only thing in the room that feels stable.
After a while, his breathing begins to slow. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he admits, voice raw.
You close your eyes briefly, pressing your cheek against his hair. “You’re doing your best.”
“That’s not enough.”
The immediate certainty in his tone makes your chest ache.
“It’s for her,” you say softly.
He lets out a shaky breath. “That’s not what I mean.”
You pull back just enough to look at him, your hands still resting on his shoulders. “Then what do you mean?”
Chan hesitates. For a moment, it looks like he might retreat again, pull the walls back up, tuck everything away where it cannot be touched. But tonight has broken that pattern. Something in the way Haneul said that word. In the way you said what you did in her room. In the way he can no longer pretend this is something small and manageable.
He looks at you. And for the first time in a long time, he says her name out loud. “I still love Ki.”
The words land heavy between you. They don’t surprise you, but they do make your heart twist. “I know,” you say gently.
His eyes search your face, almost desperately. “I never stopped. I don’t think I ever will.”
“I know,” you repeat.
That part has never been the problem.
Chan swallows, his throat working around something painful. “But then there’s you.”
Your breath catches.
He lets out a quiet, broken laugh that holds no humor at all. “And I don’t know what to do with that,” he admits. “Because it feels like…” He trails off, shaking his head. “Like I’m betraying her. Like I’m betraying everything we had.”
“You’re not,” you say softly.
“How can you say that?” His voice cracks again, frustration and grief tangling together. “How can I look at you the way I do and not feel like I’m replacing her?”
“You’re not replacing her,” you say, a little firmer now, even as your heart aches for him. “She’s not something that can be replaced, Chan. What you had with her is yours. It always will be.”
He stares at you, torn. “Then what is this?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.
The question hangs there, fragile and impossible. You feel it too. All of it. The years. The restraint. The love you have buried so carefully it has started to hurt just to breathe around it.
“This is something new,” you say quietly. “Something different.”
He shakes his head again, eyes closing briefly. “It doesn’t feel different. It feels like I’m…” He exhales sharply. “Like I’m letting go of her.”
“You’re not letting go,” you say, your voice soft but steady. “You’re just…making room.”
His eyes open. There is something in them now that you have never seen so clearly before: Hope. Fear. And something dangerously close to the same thing you have been carrying alone for far too long.
He does not move away from you. And you do not let go. Not when the room is still thick with everything he’s just said, not when his breath is still uneven, not when the weight of his grief and his confession and your own carefully hidden feelings have all finally been pulled into the same fragile space.
You just hold him. Your hand stays at the back of his head, fingers threading gently through his hair, the other resting warm and steady against his shoulder. You can feel the slow, gradual shift in him as the storm eases—not gone, not resolved, but quieter.
Chan exhales, long and shaky. Then, after a moment, he leans back just enough that he can look at you.
Your hands slide down to rest lightly on his arms as he pulls away, but neither of you fully breaks contact. There’s still a thread there, invisible but unmistakable, stretched between your bodies and your breathing and the way neither of you seems ready to let the other go just yet.
He looks at you for a long time. Not like before, not like the fleeting glances or the careful, restrained attention you’ve grown used to. This is different. Open. Unhidden. Like he’s finally allowing himself to see you without pulling back at the last second.
His eyes trace your face slowly, as if committing it to memory in a way he hasn’t let himself do until now. Your eyes, your mouth, the soft curve of your cheek where your hair falls loose from behind your ear. There’s something almost disbelieving in it, like he’s trying to reconcile the person he’s known for years with the person he’s just admitted he wants.
You feel it everywhere—in your chest. In your throat. In the way your hands tighten just slightly against his arms without you meaning them to.
“Chan…” you start, quiet, uncertain what you’re even trying to say.
He doesn’t let you finish. “I love you.”
The words are simple. No buildup. No hesitation once they leave him. And yet they land like something enormous.
Your breath catches, your entire body going still as they settle into the space between you. You knew—some part of you must have known, because nothing else could explain the way he’s looked at you, the way tonight unfolded, the way everything has been quietly building for years—but hearing it is different. Hearing it makes it real in a way that can’t be folded away again.
Chan swallows, his gaze never leaving yours. “I didn’t want to,” he admits, voice rough and unguarded. “I tried not to. For a long time.”
You don’t interrupt.. Because he’s still speaking like something is finally spilling out after being held back too long.
“I told myself it was just gratitude,” he continues, a faint, broken smile touching his mouth before it fades again. “That you were good with her, good for her, and I was just relieved. That’s all it was supposed to be.”
Your heart aches at the quiet self-denial in his words.
“But it wasn’t,” he says, shaking his head slightly. “It kept getting harder to ignore. The way you take care of her. The way you just fit here.” His eyes flick briefly around the room before coming back to you. “The way you make everything feel easier without even trying.”
Your fingers curl slightly against his sleeves.
“And I hated it,” he adds, more quietly. “Because every time I realized how much I…” He stops, exhales, tries again. “How much I needed you, it felt like I was losing something I wasn’t supposed to let go of.”
You can see it now, clearer than ever. The war he’s been fighting alone.
“I kept thinking,” he goes on, his voice dipping lower, “if I let myself have this—have you—then what does that say about her? About what we had? About the promises I made?”
You soften, your hand lifting instinctively to his cheek, your thumb brushing lightly along the line of his jaw. “It doesn’t say anything bad,” you whisper.
He leans into your touch without thinking. “I’m supposed to be enough,” he says, and there’s something almost desperate in it now. “For Haneul. For everything. I’m her dad, I’m all she has left, and I feel like if I don’t hold everything together perfectly, then I’m failing both of them.”
Your chest tightens painfully. “Chan…”
“I have to do it all,” he continues, his voice cracking slightly. “Because Ki can’t. Because she’s gone. And if I start needing someone else—if I start wanting someone else—then what does that make me?”
The question isn’t rhetorical. It’s raw. Real. Terrifying in its honesty.
You don’t answer right away. Instead, you let your hand slide fully to his face, cradling it gently, guiding his attention back to you when his gaze starts to drift somewhere far away again.
“It makes you human,” you say softly.
His eyes flicker.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” you continue, your voice steady even as your heart beats harder. “You were never meant to. Loving someone again doesn’t erase what you had with her. It doesn’t mean you’re failing her or Haneul.” You swallow, your thumb brushing once more against his skin. “It just means your heart didn’t stop when she left.”
For a second, neither of you moves. Then, slowly, you lean forward.
The kiss is soft. Tentative in a way, like you’re both stepping into something fragile and sacred all at once. Your lips brush his gently, testing, asking without words if this is real, if this is allowed, if this is something he can accept.
Chan stills completely. Then he exhales into you, something in him giving way all over again.
When you pull back just slightly, your forehead hovering close to his, your voice is barely more than a breath. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
For a heartbeat, he just looks at you. Then his hand comes up, sliding to the back of your neck, fingers warm and sure despite the tremor still lingering in them. And this time, when he kisses you, there is nothing tentative about it.
He pulls you closer, closing the space between you in a way that feels like a decision, like a line being crossed that neither of you can step back from now. His mouth moves against yours with a kind of urgency that has been building for far too long, not rushed but deep, grounding, as if he’s trying to memorize the feeling of you, the reality of this moment.
You respond without thinking, your hands finding his shoulders, then his chest, holding onto him just as tightly as he holds onto you.
Everything else fades. The room. The hallway. The years of restraint. There is only this—the quiet sound of your breathing, the warmth of his hands, the way his grip tightens.
You both pull back to breathe, and before he can say anything, you speak. “Can I make you feel good? Can I show you how much I love you? ”
Your words hang in the quiet air of Chan’s bedroom, a soft demand that stops the slow sway of your bodies against each other. The light from the hallway casts a long, warm stripe across the floor, painting the edge of the bed in gold. His hands, which had been cradling your hips as you kissed, freeze on your skin.
“All of you,” you whisper, lips brushing his jaw.
Chan looks down at you, his eyes—a deep, tired brown that has finally started to shine again—searching yours. His breath, warm and steady, flows over your cheek. He doesn’t speak. He just nods, a slow, deliberate dip of his chin that feels like the dropping of a final, heavy weight he’s carried for years.
He lets go of you, his fingers sliding from the curve of your waist with a lingering drag. You stand and reach for his sweats before kneeling before him.
The floor is soft through the thin fabric of your summer dress. You look up at him as you peel his sweats and boxers down his legs, your hands working slowly, taking the time to feel the heat of his thighs, the strength in his calves. He pulls his shirt over his head, the fabric falling to the floor beside you. And there he sits before you, completely exposed.
Chan is perfect. His chest is broad, arms defined, shoulders solid, but they carry a permanent slope, a bearing of quiet burden. And between his legs, his cock stands half-hard, a promise waiting to be fully realized.
It’s beautiful to you. Not in a sculpted, idealized way, but in a real way. The shaft is thick, a solid, warm column of flesh with a slight curve upward. The head is a darker shade, a flushed plum color, already glistening with a single, clear bead of moisture at its tip. The skin is smooth, but you can see the faint tracery of veins underneath, a network of life pulsing just beneath the surface.
You lean forward, bringing your face close. The scent of him fills your nose—the faint, musky aroma of a man, and something deeper, something uniquely his. You don’t speak. You just open your mouth and press your lips to the side of his shaft.
The skin is hot. Silken. You kiss it, a soft, closed-mouth press that makes his whole body shiver. You hear a shaky intake of air above you. Your tongue comes out then, flat and wet, and you lick a long, slow stripe from the base all the way up to the crown. The taste is clean, salty, male. That bead of precum meets your tongue and you take it, a tiny, sweet-bitter pearl that you savor.
You look up at him again. His head is tilted back, his eyes closed. His hands are clenched at his sides, fists balled tight. He’s holding on, you think. Holding on to control, to the memory of how to receive pleasure without guilt.
You want to give him that permission. To shatter that control.
Your lips open wider. You take the head of his cock into your mouth, circling it, sucking lightly. It’s not fully hard yet, but it responds instantly to the heat and wetness of your mouth, thickening, lengthening, the curve becoming more pronounced. You suck harder, pulling more of him inside. Your lips stretch around his girth. You feel the ridge of his crown press against the roof of your mouth, a firm, smooth bulge. Your tongue dances underneath, flicking against the sensitive seam where the head meets the shaft—his frenulum. You trace it with the tip of your tongue, a gentle, teasing stroke that makes his hips jerk forward.
A groan escapes him, low and ragged. It’s the first sound he’s made, and it cracks the quiet like thunder.
You pull back, letting his cock slip from your lips with a wet pop. It’s fully erect now, standing proud and rigid, pointing up toward his stomach. The shaft is thick, a deep, flushed pink. The head is swollen, dark and gleaming with your saliva and his own fluids.
“Chan,” you murmur, your voice husky. “Look at me.”
He forces his eyes open. They’re hazy, unfocused with need. He looks down at you, kneeling before him like an offering, your face level with his sex.
“I want you to feel this,” you say. “I want you to let yourself feel it.”
You don’t wait for another answer. You dive forward again, taking him deep.
This time, you don’t tease. You engulf him. Your lips seal around his shaft, and you push your head forward, taking him as far into your mouth as you can. The head presses deep, nudging at the entrance to your throat. You relax, letting your jaw go slack, and he slides deeper, a hot, solid invasion that fills your mouth completely. Your cheeks hollow as you suck, drawing hard on him.
The feeling is intense for you, too. The weight of him on your tongue. The smooth, insistent pressure against your tongue. The salty, living taste that floods your senses. You move your head back, then forward again, establishing a rhythm.
Your hands come up to cradle what your mouth cannot take. One hand wraps around the base of his shaft, your fingers squeezing the firm root. The other hand cups his balls, weighing them in your palm, feeling their fullness, their heat. You roll them gently, a soft, kneading massage that makes his thighs tremble.
Your head bobs. Your lips slide along his skin, a slick, wet glide. Each time you pull back, his cock emerges shiny and dripping, coated in a mix of your saliva and his own essence. Each time you plunge forward, your mouth accepts him greedily, swallowing him down.
Chan’s hands come to your head. They don’t push or guide. They simply rest there, his palms on your cheeks, his fingers threading into your hair. It’s a touch of connection, of gratitude. His thumbs stroke your temples.
You increase the pace. Not frantic. Not desperate. But purposeful. Your suction becomes stronger, your tongue more active. You swirl it around his head each time you reach the top, licking across that sensitive ridge, teasing the tiny slit at the tip. You feel him pulse in your mouth, a hard, rhythmic throb that signals his building climax.
His breathing changes. It becomes ragged, shallow pants. His hips begin to move in tiny, involuntary thrusts, matching your rhythm. His cock slides in and out of your mouth with a wet, rhythmic sound—shhhlick, shhhlick, shhhlick.
“God…” he gasps, the word torn from him. “I’m…I’m gonna…”
You know. You feel it. The tension in his shaft, the way his balls draw up tighter against his body, the frantic pulse beating under your tongue. You want it. You want all of it.
You pull back until just the head is in your lips, suckling fiercely, your tongue fluttering against his frenulum in rapid, tiny strokes. Your hand on his shaft pumps in time with your sucking, a tight, milking motion.
His climax erupts. It’s not a single burst. It’s a series of them, a rolling, hot flood that pours into your mouth. The first spurt hits your tongue, thick and warm, a distinct, slightly bitter taste that is purely him. The second follows instantly, another gush that coats your mouth and fills your cheeks. You swallow, taking it down, but more comes. The third, the fourth—a continuous, generous release that you work to accept, sucking hard to pull every drop from him.
Chan cries out, a raw, unfiltered sound of release that echoes in the quiet room. His body locks and he falls onto the bed, his back arching, hands clutching your head. His hips push forward, driving his cock deeper into your mouth as he empties himself completely.
You stay there, sucking gently through the last few pulses, until his shaft softens slightly in your mouth, until the flow subsides. Then you slowly let him slip out.
His cock lays against his stomach, spent, glistening with a mix of your saliva and his own spend. You lean forward and kiss it once more, a soft, affectionate press against the damp head.
You rise then, your knees aching slightly from the floor. You stand before him, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. Chan’s eyes are open, staring at you with a dazed, awed expression. His face is flushed, his chest heaving.
“You…” he starts, but his voice fails.
You smile, a slow, tender curve of your lips before climbing onto the bed with him, straddling his hips. You reach for the hem of your cotton dress, pulling it up over your head and discarding it onto the floor. You’re naked now, save for your panties. You hook your thumbs into the sides of those and peel them down your legs, kicking them away.
You look down at him, at his body spread out before you, at his softened cock resting on his belly. You see the love in his eyes, the trust, the raw openness. It fills you with a warmth that spreads from your heart to every extremity.
You lean down and kiss his mouth. His lips are soft, pliant. He kisses you back, a slow, deep melding of mouths that tastes of shared intimacy. Your hands roam over his chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath your palm, the rise and fall of his breathing.
“Do you have a condom?,” you whisper against his lips.
He nods. You reach over to the bedside table, to the small drawer and take one out, the foil packet cool in your hand. You open it, and you roll the latex down his length with careful, tender hands. He’s already beginning to stir again, his cock responding to your touch, filling out once more beneath the sheath.
When he’s protected, you position yourself over him. You kneel on either side of his hips, looking down at the junction of your bodies. Your own sex is ready, aching for him. You’ve been wet for a long time now. You can feel the heat pooling between your legs, the slippery evidence of your desire coating your inner thighs.
You guide his cock, holding it steady and lower yourself, slowly, letting the crowned head press against your entrance.
Your vulva is swollen with anticipation. The outer lips are plump, a deeper pink than usual, parted slightly by your own moisture. The inner lips are slick, glistening, framing the opening that now welcomes him. You feel the pressure of his tip against your flesh, a firm, promising nudge.
You sink down. The head of his cock enters you, pushing past your outer lips, penetrating your opening. The feeling is exquisite—a slow, stretching fullness that makes you gasp. Your walls are snug, gripping him immediately as he slides deeper. You feel every inch of his progress, the smooth drag of his shaft along your sensitive, soaked inner flesh.
You go down until you’re seated fully on him, his entire length buried inside you. Your body accepts him completely. Your walls stretch to accommodate his girth, hugging him tightly. The head of his cock presses deep, reaching a place that makes your eyes flutter.
You stay there for a moment, just feeling him. Feeling the connection. The heat. The perfect fit.
Then you begin to move. You rise up, a slow, deliberate lift that drags his cock almost entirely out of you, until just the head remains nestled inside. Then you sink back down, taking him in again, a smooth, gliding descent. Your hips roll as you do it, a gentle, circular motion that grinds his shaft against your walls.
The pace is slow. Sensual. There’s no frantic pounding, no desperate race. This is a joining, a communion. Each upward lift is a tease, a near-separation that makes you both ache. Each downward plunge is a reunion, a filling that makes you both sigh.
Your breasts move with your rhythm. As you rise and fall, they bounce in a soft, circular dance, their weight shifting with each motion. Chan’s eyes are fixed on them, watching the movement, the way your nipples harden and peak in the cool air of the room.
Your hands find his chest. You splay your fingers over his pectorals, feeling the firm muscle underneath. You lean forward, changing your angle, and this shifts the sensation inside you dramatically. Now, as you sink down, his cock rubs directly along the front wall of your pussy, stroking over your most sensitive spot—the swollen, hungry bundle of nerves just inside your entrance.
A sharp, sweet pleasure bolts through you. Your breath catches. You moan, a low, continuous sound that spills from your lips without thought.
“Chan…oh, that’s…right there…”
He understands. His hands come to your hips, not to control, but to feel. His palms cup your bottom, feeling the flesh there jiggle and tighten with each of your movements. Your ass is firm, and as you ride him, it claps softly against his thighs, a gentle, rhythmic percussion of flesh.
You speed up slightly. Your rises are higher now, pulling him almost completely out before you take him back in with a smooth, wet slide. The sound of your joining fills the room—a soft, slick, repeating noise of flesh meeting flesh, of moisture spreading.
Inside you, the feelings multiply. Each time his cock enters, it stretches your opening wide, a brief, glorious pressure that gives way to a smooth glide. Your walls clasp around him, squeezing, then relaxing as he pulls back. The condom makes a slight difference—a faint, latex texture over his skin—but the heat, the size, the shape of him are all there, transmitted through the thin barrier.
His own pleasure is rebuilding. You can see it on his face. His eyes are half-closed, his mouth open in a silent, sustained groan. His hips begin to meet yours, pushing upward as you come down, adding his own force to your movements. The union becomes a collaboration, a shared rhythm.
Your clit, swollen and exposed, rubs against the base of his shaft with each of your downward strokes. The friction is indirect, but constant, a building stimulation that starts to coil a tight spring of tension low in your belly.
You lean forward further, bracing your hands on his shoulders. This changes your angle again, and now his cock is driving even deeper, pressing firmly against that front wall, stroking over your G-spot with every inward motion. The sensation is overwhelming, a deep, internal massage that makes your whole body shudder.
“I love you,” you whisper, the words coming out between gasps. “I love this…I love being with you like this…”
Chan’s eyes open fully, locking with yours. His hands slide from your hips to your back, pulling you closer against him. “I love you,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion and arousal. “I feel…I feel alive again. With you.”
The words, the connection, the physical joining—it all combines, pushing you toward your own peak. The coil inside you tightens, winding tighter with every stroke, every deep fill, every grind of your clit against him.
Your movements become more urgent, though still controlled. Your rises are quicker, your descents more forceful. Your breath comes in sharp pants. Your breasts bounce more vigorously now, a faster, more pronounced dance. Your ass cheeks slap against his thighs with a firmer sound, a rhythmic beat that matches the pounding of your hearts.
Inside, your pussy is drenched, flooded with your own fluids. The condom is slick with them, making each stroke smoother, easier. Your walls grip him tightly, then release, a pulsing clasp that seems to pull him deeper each time.
You’re close. So close. The spring is wound to its limit.
Chan feels it too. His thrusts become more insistent, his upward drives meeting your downward rides with perfect timing. His cock is a hard, relentless piston inside you, stroking, filling, claiming.
You cry out, a sharp, broken sound as the spring finally snaps.
Your orgasm isn’t a single burst. It’s a rolling, wave-like series of contractions that grip your entire lower body. Your cunt clenches around his shaft in rapid, intense pulses, a squeezing rhythm that milks him through the condom. Your clit flares with a sharp, electric pleasure that radiates out through your pelvis. Your thighs shake. Your back arches.
You see stars behind your closed eyelids. A hot, blinding release floods through you, leaving you gasping, trembling, clinging to his shoulders.
Chan follows you, pushed over the edge by your internal convulsions. His hips buck upward, driving deep as he holds you tight. His own climax, muted by the condom, is still a powerful, physical event. You feel his body stiffen beneath you, feel the hard, throbbing pulse of his cock inside you as he finds his release. His groan is long, drawn-out, a sound of complete surrender. “Oh my God,” he pants out, throat raw.
You collapse forward onto his chest, your body spent, your muscles loose. You lay there, his cock still inside you, both of you joined, both of you breathing in ragged, synchronized gasps. The room is quiet again, save for the sound of your panting, the faint rustle of the sheets.
Slowly, carefully, you lift yourself off him. His softened cock slips out of you, the condom slick and full. You dispose of it quietly, then crawl back onto the bed beside him, curling into his side.
He wraps an arm around you, pulling you close. His skin is hot, damp with sweat. His heart beats a strong, steady rhythm against your ear.
“Stay,” he murmurs, his voice sleepy, thick with contentment. “Please don’t leave.”
DW!!! omg i forgot to mention how much I loved it 😔😔 usually I'm not a fan of the singleparent!trope but this was GOOD!! the way i crooode when Haneul called the Reader 'Mommy' ughh my eyes are still humid ngl
⤷ part of the weight of love: eight ways to STAY series
you spend years loving them both in the quiet ways that matter most, never asking for more than the small place you’ve been given in their lives. but when the lines between caretaker, family, and something far more tender begin to blur, chan is forced to face the love growing where he thought only grief could live. caught between loyalty to the woman he lost and the future waiting softly at his door, he has to decide whether letting you in means letting her go.
pairing single dad!chan x babysitter!reader
genre employer/employee to lovers, slow burn, angst
rating mature, 18+
word count 14k
warnings character death (past) ; themes of grieving ; slight age gap ; brief scene of child in distress ; graphic & detailed smut ; oral (m receiving) ; p in v sex
𓄲 get your tissues hunnies, it's gonna be a very bump ride. started this fic and another one on the list a while ago. and then that freaking skz code came out that made me and @joyracha go crazy in the dms and decided to build a series around them. and now here we are! as always, i went rogue and wrote way more than i planned, but hopefully you enjoy! please, if you do like this fic and want to see more, show your love by not only liking, but reblogging and commenting! us creators really do get encouragement by seeing your engagement <3
m a s t e r l i s t .ᐟ i n b o x .ᐟ
There are some people who enter your life like weather, all at once and impossible to ignore, and then there are people who become part of its structure so gradually that, one day, you look around and realize years have gone by.
Chan and Haneul are the second kind.
By the time you are twenty-three, halfway through a degree in childhood development and balancing lectures, readings, and practicum hours with more care than sleep, three years of your life have already been folded quietly into theirs. Not in a way that announces itself. Not in a way that invites questions. More in the way a favorite blanket grows softer with use.
You meet Haneul when she is two years old and too young to understand why the world around her has changed, only that it has. A terrible car accident takes her mother in a single, brutal instant, leaving behind a silence too large for a small child to name and too cruel for a man like Chan to fight with anything but endurance.
In the months that follow, his grief becomes something private and disciplined, tucked neatly beneath pressed shirts, beneath tired eyes, beneath the careful steadiness of a father who no longer has the luxury of falling apart.
He does not stop moving because Haneul still needs breakfast in the morning. She still needs her hair brushed, her shoes found, her tiny hands washed after snacks. She still needs lullabies and cartoons and someone to explain why the moon keeps following the car home. The world does not pause to honor sorrow when there is a toddler asking to be carried because her legs are tired.
That is where you come in.
At first, you are only meant to be help. A recommendation passed between neighbors and family friends and someone’s older sister who swears you are responsible, sweet, good with children, the kind of girl who actually gets down to eye level when a child talks instead of nodding absentmindedly while looking at her phone.
You arrive for the first time with your tote bag slung over one shoulder, your hair hurriedly fixed after class, and a nervousness you try to hide beneath a gentle smile. You expect a child made wary by loss, maybe even difficult in the way grieving children are often allowed to become by adults too afraid to say no to them.
Instead, you find a little girl with enormous eyes and a quietness that doesn’t belong on someone so young, sitting on the living room rug with a plush rabbit in her lap.
And you find Chan.
He opens the door looking older than twenty-five should allow, dressed in a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants, one hand braced against the frame as if he has not sat down all day. His face is handsome in a way that catches you off guard even then, but it is not beauty that lingers with you afterward. It is the exhaustion. The terrible, polished kind. The sort worn by people who have convinced everyone around them that they are managing because the alternative would frighten them.
You remember how carefully he speaks to you that first day, like he is afraid of coming across rude when really he is simply stretched too thin to decorate his words.
“Thank you for coming,” he says, voice rough from disuse or fatigue. “I know this is last minute.”
You tell him it is no problem, and you mean it.
In the beginning, Haneul watches you more than she talks. She is slow to trust in the quiet, wounded way of children who have learned that permanence is not guaranteed, and so you do not rush her. You sit on the floor. You let her bring you toys instead of asking for them. You read books in different voices until she starts to smile at the funny parts. You memorize the exact way she likes her apple slices cut, the songs that make her sleepy, the order of the bedtime routine that keeps tears from gathering in her lashes. Bath, pajamas, two stories, one song, the rabbit tucked beneath her arm, the hallway light left on just enough for the room not to feel endless.
You are studying childhood development, yes, but some things cannot be taught in lecture halls. Some things live in instinct. In patience. In the willingness to hold steady when a child tests whether you really mean it when you say you’ll still be there after they wake up from their nap.
Haneul tests you in all the ways that matter. You pass without ever making it seem like a test at all. And Chan notices.
Not all at once. He is too tired in those first months to do much beyond survive them, but even survival has its moments of clarity. He notices that Haneul cries less on the days you come over. He notices that she starts sleeping through the night more often after you begin watching her regularly. He notices that when she falls and scrapes her knee, she lets you clean it without fuss because your hands are gentle and certain and never tremble, even when hers do.
Most of all, he notices that you never treat his daughter like a fragile thing to be pitied. You speak to her like someone whole. And that alone feels like a miracle.
So what begins as occasional babysitting becomes something far more rooted. Your schedule bends around theirs. Tuesdays and Thursdays after class. Friday evenings when Chan works late or simply needs an hour to breathe without feeling guilty for it. Entire Saturdays sometimes, when errands pile up or Haneul grows clingy and insists on asking every hour when you’re coming.
You become a fixture of the apartment so gradually it almost escapes notice. Your sneakers by the door. Your cardigan draped over the dining chair. Your handwriting on sticky notes by the fridge reminding Chan that Haneul ate all her strawberries already and will definitely ask for more.
The apartment changes too. Not because grief leaves it, but because your presence teaches it how to hold something besides grief.
It is never a large place, but it is warm. The kind of warmth earned through living rather than design. Soft cream walls. Toys tucked into woven baskets that never fully contain them. Crayon drawings held up by magnets on the refrigerator. Storybooks stacked sideways on the coffee table. A faint scent of detergent, baby shampoo long outgrown but not quite forgotten, and whatever Chan has managed to cook between work and fatherhood.
There is always evidence of him everywhere, though none of it showy. A jacket thrown over the couch. A half-finished mug of coffee gone cold on the counter. His laptop open beside a pile of Haneul’s coloring pages because his life is a constant negotiation between responsibility and interruption.
He is the sort of father who carries everything without announcing the weight of it. The sort who wakes at the slightest sound from down the hall, who knows the difference between Haneul’s sleepy whine and her truly upset cry, who kneels beside her bed in the middle of the night with one hand smoothing over her hair while the other checks the temperature on her forehead. He remembers pediatrician appointments without reminders. Keeps extra wipes in the car, crackers in the pantry, Band-Aids in three different drawers. He moves through fatherhood with a quiet competence that would look effortless if you did not know better.
But you do know better.
You see the tiredness under his eyes when he lingers in the kitchen after you arrive, finishing the coffee he forgot to drink hot. You notice the way he thanks you every single time, never once acting entitled to your care even after years of it. You know how often he apologizes for being late, for the toys on the floor, for Haneul being fussy, as if you haven’t already seen him manage work calls while tying the laces on sparkly shoes and cutting sandwiches into stars because she once decided squares were too boring to eat.
There is a devotion in him that feels almost sacred. It lives in the smallest things. In the way he crouches to zip Haneul’s jacket all the way to her chin before stepping outside. In the way he always, always looks back if she calls for him, no matter how busy he is. In the way his voice changes around her, softening at the edges until it becomes something rich and tender enough to wrap around a child like a blanket.
You fall in love with him slowly enough to pretend for a while that you are not falling at all.
Maybe it starts with admiration. Maybe with the first time you see him asleep on the couch after a long day, Haneul sprawled across his chest, one of his arms curved around her even unconscious, as if his body itself knows to protect what he loves. Maybe it starts the night Haneul has a fever and Chan comes home early, tie pulled loose, panic tucked beneath composure, and the relief in his face at finding you there with her makes your chest ache in a way that follows you for days.
Maybe it starts a hundred different times, in a hundred small, impossible moments, until one day you realize your affection has become something far deeper and infinitely more dangerous. You never say a word because know your place.
You are the babysitter. The trusted one, yes. The beloved one, maybe. The one Haneul runs to with drawings clutched in her hand and secrets already spilling from her mouth. The one Chan relies on more than he probably means to. But still, the babysitter. Younger than him by five years, still in college, still building a life of your own. Whatever tenderness threatens to gather in the quiet between you is neatly folded away before it can become visible.
You are not careless with his grief. That, more than anything, keeps you still.
Because even three years later, his wife is not a shadow in this home. She is a presence. A photograph in Haneul’s room. A framed wedding picture tucked onto a bookshelf in the living room. A name spoken gently when Haneul asks questions in that childlike way that manages to be both innocent and piercing. Sometimes, when Haneul is already asleep and the apartment has settled into evening, Chan will look at that photograph for half a second too long before thanking you for staying late.
You never mention it. You never need to.
Loyalty clings to him with the same quiet persistence as grief. Not performative, not self-pitying—simply true. He loved her. He loves her still, in the strange enduring way people love the dead, where memory becomes both comfort and punishment. There are parts of him that remain turned toward that loss even while the rest of him keeps moving forward for Haneul’s sake.
You understand this. You respect it. You build your distance around it brick by careful brick.
And yet time has a way of softening edges no one meant to touch.
Haneul is five now, all bright chatter and quick feet and opinions about everything from cereal shapes to which stuffed animals deserve spots on her bed. She has grown out of her toddler roundness into the delicate, lovely little girl she was always going to become, and somehow, without anyone formally deciding it, you have become woven into the rhythm of her life. You know the names of her classmates, the songs from her favorite cartoons, the exact color she calls “princess pink,” though it looks suspiciously like regular pink to everybody else. She asks for you with the unquestioning certainty children reserve for the people they believe belong to them.
And that is where things begin to shift.
Not because you change.
You are still kind in all the same ways, still patient, still thoughtful, still loving with a steadiness that makes Haneul bloom toward you like something reaching for sunlight. You still arrive with little snacks tucked into your bag and kneel to fasten tiny sandals and sit through tea parties where the tea is invisible and apparently scalding. You still love Chan from a distance so disciplined it sometimes feels like another form of prayer.
No, what changes is harder to control because it is not yours alone.
Haneul starts to look at you with something deeper than affection.
Children do not always have the language for the shapes their hearts make, but they feel those shapes with startling clarity. The comfort of you. The safety. The constancy. The way your hands smooth back her hair when she is upset, the way your voice lowers instinctively when she needs soothing, the way you remember every small thing that matters to her.
The resemblance is not in your face or your voice or your mannerisms. It is in the role your love begins to occupy.
Chan notices it before he lets himself name it.
He notices Haneul reaching for you first after scraping her palm on the playground, even with him standing right there. Notices the easy way she leans into your side during movie nights. Notices the childish, unquestioning possessiveness with which she says your name, as though you have always belonged inside the borders of her world. At first, he tells himself it means only that she trusts you, that your presence has become important to her in the natural way caretakers become important to children.
Then one evening, standing in the kitchen while you help Haneul wash paint from her fingers, he looks up and sees the scene in the darkened reflection of the window above the sink.
You with your sleeves rolled to your elbows, smiling softly as Haneul chatters about the family of lopsided paper butterflies she made that afternoon. Haneul looking up at you with that unguarded little face, all trust and attachment and love. The domestic intimacy of it striking the room so cleanly that it takes the air with it.
Something in his expression changes before he can stop it. Because for the first time, the thought does not arrive as a blur. It arrives whole.
Haneul does not just adore you. She is beginning, in the tender unconscious way of children, to love you in a place shaped suspiciously close to where a mother belongs.
And Chan, who has spent three years carrying grief in one hand and fatherhood in the other, finds himself standing at the edge of a truth he does not know how to survive.
Not only because of what Haneul feels. But because when he looks at you now, his gaze lingers.
On your smile. On your patience. On the quiet grace with which you move through his home as if care is your native language. On the life you have breathed into corners of this apartment he thought would stay dim forever.
And worse than that, more frightening than that, is the part he cannot confess to anyone.
His thoughts linger too.
Not in a reckless way. Never that. Chan is not careless, least of all with you. But desire is not always something dramatic or easily shamed. Sometimes it comes dressed as tenderness that lasts a second too long. As awareness. As the dangerous warmth of noticing your beauty when you tuck loose strands of hair behind your ear while listening to Haneul explain a dream in serious detail. As the temptation to stay in the doorway just to hear you laugh again. As the ache of imagining, only for a moment, what it would mean to let himself want something more.
And every single time, loyalty drags him back. Loyalty to the woman he lost. To the life he thought he would still have. To the version of himself who believes moving on must feel like betrayal if it is ever going to count as real.
So he says nothing. You say nothing. And the three of you continue like that, poised on the fragile edge of something unnamed, each day carrying you a little closer to the point where silence will no longer be enough.
That is how you get here.
Three years after a tragedy that rearranged everything. Three years after you first stepped into Chan’s apartment expecting to offer temporary help and somehow became part of the architecture of his life. Three years of bedtime stories and shared routines and feelings tucked away so carefully they have started to sharpen with the pressure of being held.
Now Haneul is five years old, clever and affectionate and much too perceptive for her own good. You are older too, steadier in yourself, though no less cautious. Chan is twenty-eight and still trying to carry everything alone, still devoted, still gentle, still breaking in places no one sees.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, love has begun to gather.
Not the easy kind. The kind that arrives with history. With grief. With guilt and longing and the unbearable hope of being chosen anyway.
The front door unlocks with the familiar click that always seems to travel through the apartment a beat before Chan does, and the moment it does, Haneul’s entire body lights up.
She has been coloring on the living room floor for the last twenty minutes, tongue peeking out in concentration as she presses a purple crayon too hard against the paper, but at the sound of the door, she gasps like something wonderful and long-awaited has finally arrived. Her crayon rolls away forgotten as she scrambles to her feet.
“Daddy!”
Her voice rings through the apartment bright as bells, and then she is gone in a blur of little socks and wild hair, racing across the hardwood with all the unrestrained devotion of a child who has been waiting to see her favorite person all day.
You do not have to look to know what comes next.
Chan barely gets the door shut behind him before Haneul crashes into his legs, her arms wrapping around him with enough force to make him laugh softly under his breath. It is the kind of laugh you have learned to listen for over the years, quieter when he is tired, roughened around the edges after a long day, but always there for her. Always immediate.
“Hey, baby,” he murmurs, his voice worn down by hours of work and city traffic and whatever else the day has managed to drag over him, but turning warm the second he bends down to scoop her up. “Miss me that much?”
“Yes,” Haneul says with the seriousness of someone stating a fact beyond debate, her arms looping around his neck as he lifts her against his chest. “A lot.”
You can picture it without stepping away from the stove. The way his shoulders finally loosen once he has her in his arms. The way his cheek brushes the side of her head. The way exhaustion never disappears from him all at once, but shifts, settles, becomes something gentler the moment she is close enough to hold.
From the kitchen, you stir the sauce one last time and lower the heat, letting the apartment fill with the warm, savory scent of garlic and soy and browned onions. The pan gives a soft, steady hiss under your hand, steam fogging briefly against your wrist before curling away. Rice waits fluffed in the pot beside it, and the vegetables you chopped earlier are soft now, glossy under the kitchen light. It is not anything extravagant, just dinner, just something simple and comforting after a day that has clearly asked too much of him already, but you know by now that sometimes the smallest things land with the most force.
Chan rounds the corner into the kitchen with Haneul still perched on his hip, and the second he sees you standing there in front of the stove, the look on his face shifts.
It is subtle, the kind of thing someone else might miss if they do not know him the way you do. His tie is gone, probably shoved into his work bag the moment he got into the car. The sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled to his forearms, slightly uneven, and there is a tiredness clinging to him that looks almost physical, something draped over his shoulders heavier than the leather strap of his briefcase.
His hair is a little mussed, his eyes faintly shadowed, and for a second he simply stands there taking in the sight of you in his kitchen, dinner nearly finished, his daughter tucked close against him, home smelling like something warm and lived-in instead of the sterile leftovers of takeout containers or the rushed effort of a meal made too late.
Then his mouth softens.
You know that look too.
It is never dramatic with Chan. Nothing with him ever is. But gratitude moves through him like low light across water, quiet and immediate and deeper than he usually lets anyone see.
“You’re cooking?” he asks, though the answer is obvious.
You smile over your shoulder at him, lifting the wooden spoon a little. “I am. Haneul told me she was starving and then listed six different things she wanted, so we compromised.”
Haneul, entirely unbothered by being exposed, presses her cheek into Chan’s shoulder and says, “I wanted spaghetti and dumplings and fish sticks and mac and cheese and strawberries.”
“And instead,” you say, amusement warming your voice, “she is getting chicken stir-fry, rice, and strawberries after dinner if she eats enough actual food first.”
Chan lets out a breath that almost passes for a laugh, though it still carries the roughness of exhaustion in it. “You’re a miracle, you know that?”
The words come out easy, automatic perhaps, but the way his eyes linger on you as he says them makes something inside you pull a little tighter.
You busy yourself with the pan, even though it does not need much attention anymore. “It’s not a miracle. It’s just dinner.”
“Still.” His voice lowers, quieter now, more sincere. “Thank you.”
When you glance back at him, really look at him, the gratitude sits plain on his face. It does something dangerous to your chest every time, the way he thanks you as though your care is never expected, never owed, always something precious enough to acknowledge. Even now, after years of stepping so naturally into the space his home seems to make for you, he never treats your presence like entitlement. He treats it like grace.
Haneul wriggles, suddenly impatient. “Can I set the table?”
“You can help,” you say.
That is enough to make her squirm out of Chan’s arms at once, her little feet landing hard against the floor before she darts toward the cabinet where the plates are stacked. Chan watches her go, the same way he always does, with that quiet attentiveness that never fully leaves him, and then he exhales slowly, one hand settling on the back of a dining chair as if he needs the pause.
Up close, the weariness on him is even clearer. Not just tired. Pulled thin.
“Long day?” you ask softly.
His mouth tips in something that is not quite a smile. “You could say that.”
He does not elaborate right away. He rarely does, at least not until the apartment has softened around him and Haneul is distracted enough that he can let a little more of the day show on his face. Instead, he loosens the top button of his shirt and steps closer to the stove, drawn in by the smell.
“That smells incredible,” he says. “Seriously.”
“It should be decent,” you reply. “We’ve been taste-testing.”
“We?” he echoes, glancing toward Haneul, who is now carrying forks to the table with great concentration, as though transporting priceless artifacts.
“We meaning me,” you say dryly, “while your daughter declared herself head chef and supervised.”
That earns you a fuller smile this time, brief but real. It changes him every time it happens, makes him look younger than grief and responsibility usually allow. Then his gaze drops to the skillet again, curiosity touching the edges of his expression.
“What is it exactly?”
“Soy-garlic chicken,” you tell him. “With vegetables. The sauce is a little sweet, so Haneul approved.”
“Of course she did.” He studies the pan a second longer, then looks at you. “Where did you learn how to make that?”
The question is casual. So are you when you answer.
“Oh.” You set the spoon down against the rest by the stove and reach for the bowls. “I went to a cooking class once for a first date, and they taught us a version of it.”
The silence that follows is not loud, but it is immediate.
It moves through the kitchen like something invisible suddenly slipping between the cabinets and counters, small but unmistakable. You only really register it when you turn, two bowls in your hands, and find Chan standing exactly where he was a second ago, except now there is something different in his face.
Not anger. Not even disapproval. Just a kind of stillness.
It takes you a moment to understand why.
His eyes rest on you with an unreadable weight, his expression gone carefully neutral in the way it does when he is keeping something behind his teeth. For the briefest second, he almost looks startled, as though the words first date have landed somewhere in him he was not prepared to expose.
You blink, suddenly aware of how oddly intimate the conversation has become for something so harmless.
“It wasn’t recent,” you add lightly, setting the bowls on the table. “It was a while ago.”
Chan nods once, but it is delayed enough that you notice.
“Right,” he says.
That single word is perfectly even. Too even.
You glance at him again, trying not to let your confusion show. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m not,” he says, which would be more convincing if he did not still look a little thrown.
A tiny smile starts tugging at your mouth despite yourself. “Chan.”
He drags a hand over the back of his neck, his gaze flicking briefly toward Haneul before returning to you. “You went to a cooking class for a first date?”
There it is. Not accusation, exactly. Just disbelief tinged with something you cannot quite place at first, something quieter and sharper than surprise.
You lean one hip against the counter, suddenly more aware of him than you should be, of the loosened collar of his shirt and the tired line of his shoulders and the way his attention has narrowed entirely onto you.
“Yes,” you say, a little amused now. “That is what I said.”
He lets out a soft breath through his nose, almost scoffing, though there is no edge to it. “That feels…” He pauses, like he is choosing a word he will not regret. “Specific.”
You laugh then, unable not to. “It was specific. The whole thing was supposed to be charming.”
“Was it?”
You tilt your head. “The class or the date?”
His eyes hold yours for a fraction too long. “The date.”
The answer should be easy. It should be nothing. A passing anecdote attached to a recipe and no more important than that. But Chan is looking at you in a way that makes the air feel thinner, and for a second you can feel the shape of something unspoken pressing against the edges of the room.
You look away first, reaching for the strawberries just to have something to do with your hands.
“It was fine,” you say. “Not especially memorable, apparently, since the chicken is what lasted.”
Chan hums quietly, though it does not sound like amusement. Something in his expression shifts again, gentling and darkening at once, a flicker so fast you almost miss it.
Jealousy is not a look you have ever thought to assign him. Not toward you. Not in relation to you. The very idea feels too impossible to touch directly, and yet there is something faintly unsettled in the way he stands there, in the careful blankness he is trying to hold over whatever instinctive reaction your answer has stirred.
He has no right to it. You know that. He knows that too. But apparently knowing does not stop it from existing.
The realization arrives slowly enough to be dangerous.
Chan’s gaze drops for a moment to your hands as you rinse the strawberries, then lifts again to your face, quieter now.
“I guess,” he says, voice low, “I never really think about you dating.”
There is no flirtation in the words. That would almost be easier to survive.
What there is instead is honesty, reluctant and unvarnished, as if the sentence slipped out before he could decide whether to keep it.
Your fingers still beneath the running water. You turn the faucet off carefully. “I date,” you say, aiming for casual and not entirely trusting yourself to hit it.
His jaw shifts almost imperceptibly. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”
But he does not sound like he knew. He sounds like someone who has just remembered that you exist outside the borders of this apartment, outside bedtime stories and dinner prep and afternoons spent kneeling beside his daughter to help with tiny shoes and crayons. Like the image of you with someone else has caught him off guard in a way he does not understand well enough to conceal.
At the table, Haneul starts humming to herself while lining up napkins with painstaking precision, blissfully unaware of the strange, fragile thing gathering in the kitchen behind her.
You dry your hands on a dish towel and keep your tone deliberately light, though your pulse has begun doing something inconvenient under your skin.
“It was one date, Chan,” you say. “You look like I told you I ran away to join the circus.”
That gets the smallest laugh out of him, but it is brief, and when it fades, his gaze stays on you.
“Sorry,” he murmurs.
The word lands heavier than it should.
You shake your head. “You don’t have to apologize.”
Maybe he does not. Maybe he does.
He glances down, fingers curling against the back of the chair beside him, his expression tightening in a way that tells you he is aware, at least in part, that he has stepped somewhere he should not have. That whatever flicker passed through him a moment ago does not belong to him. Not with you. Not like this.
When he looks back up, he has smoothed himself out again, though not completely.
“Just surprised me, I guess.”
You could leave it there. You should leave it there. Instead, because some reckless little thread in you wants to tug at the seam and see what gives, you ask softly, “Why?”
Chan’s eyes meet yours, and something in the room stills all over again.
For one suspended second, he looks like he might answer. Really answer. Not with something easy or polite, but with the truth or some dangerous piece of it.
Then Haneul spins around in her chair and announces, “I did the forks all by myself.”
The moment breaks cleanly, almost cruelly.
Chan looks away first, that gentle father-softness returning to his face as he turns toward her. “You did?” he says, moving to inspect the table. “That’s impressive.”
You stand there for a beat longer, dish towel still clutched in your hands, the ghost of that almost-confession hovering between your ribs like heat that has nowhere to go.
Then you follow, setting the bowl of strawberries aside for later and bringing dinner to the table.
Conversation slips back into safer things. Haneul chatters about a girl in her class who insists pink crayons work better than red ones. Chan listens, asks questions, and eats like someone who did not realize until the first bite just how hungry he was. More than once, you catch him looking at you when he thinks your attention is elsewhere, and each time he looks away a second too late, the awareness of it settling over you both like a secret too new to name.
Haneul’s bath time has long since developed its own little rituals, the kind children attach themselves to with fierce sincerity once they decide a routine belongs to them.
One of them is the singing.
It starts nearly a year ago, after a phase where she becomes convinced that closing the bathroom door means vanishing, and though she has long since outgrown the fear itself, the habit remains. Whenever she is in the tub and you are not standing directly beside it, she has to sing the entire time. Loudly, continuously, and with enough enthusiasm that neither you nor Chan ever have to wonder where she is or whether she has decided, in some burst of five-year-old ambition, to attempt something reckless with a wet foot and too much confidence.
Tonight, her voice floats down the short hallway in cheerful, slightly off-key waves, rising and falling over the splash of bathwater.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little starrrr,” she belts from the bathroom, only to abandon it halfway through and pivot into a cartoon song about a rabbit who loves carrots and friendship. The words are mostly wrong. The volume is not.
You smile to yourself as you pull her comforter smooth over the mattress, tucking the corners just the way she likes so she can burrow under them dramatically later and declare herself a sleepy princess. Her rabbit is placed at the top of the bed, facing outward. Her nightlight is plugged in. On the small dresser beside the lamp, the framed photo of her mother catches the soft yellow light and gives it back in a muted gleam.
The room is warm with familiar things. Lavender lotion. Clean pajamas laid out in a neat little pile. A picture book already waiting on the pillow. Haneul’s world always feels especially tender at night, as though the room itself settles into a gentler shape once the day begins to dim.
From the bathroom, her voice rises again.
“I’m a bunny, bunny, bunny in the baaath!”
You laugh under your breath. “Keep singing, baby.”
“I am!” she shouts back, indignant and sincere.
You are fluffing the second pillow when you feel, more than hear, someone stop in the doorway.
Chan does not announce himself right away. He only stands there for a second, one shoulder resting lightly against the frame, watching you move around Haneul’s room with easy familiarity. By now, you know the weight of his silence well enough to recognize when it means thought rather than exhaustion, and tonight there is something deliberate in it.
When you glance over, he has changed out of his work clothes into a soft black T-shirt and gray lounge pants, the lines of the day gentled but not erased. His hair is slightly damp at the temples from a shower, and there is a stillness about him that tells you he has been carrying something since dinner and has finally decided to bring it back out into the light.
Haneul’s singing bounces down the hall again, louder this time.
Chan’s mouth tilts faintly. “She’s really committing to it tonight.”
You smooth your palm over the blanket one last time. “She knows the rule.”
“She also knows how to turn it into a full concert.”
“That too.”
He steps into the room then, slow and unhurried, his gaze brushing over the bed, the pajamas, your hands lingering near the pillow. There is always something dangerous in moments like this, in the domestic ease of them. In how naturally you fit here. In how much less space there seems to be between you when the apartment is quiet and Haneul’s little voice is the only thing filling the air.
For a second, he says nothing. Then, as casually as if he were asking about the weather, he says, “So…that cooking class date.”
You turn your head toward him fully, already suspicious of the neutrality in his tone. “What about it?”
He lifts one shoulder, feigning lightness badly enough that it almost makes you smile. “Nothing. I was just thinking about it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes flick to the stuffed rabbit on the bed, then back to you. “Guess I’m still surprised.”
There is that word again. Surprised. It shouldn’t needle at you the way it does, but something about it has been sitting under your skin since dinner, unresolved and quietly aggravating.
“Surprised that I can cook?” you ask.
A breath of amusement touches his face. “That’s not what I meant.”
You fold your arms loosely, leaning one hip against Haneul’s dresser. “Then what did you mean?”
From down the hall comes a splash, then an enthusiastic, “Bunny bunny bath time queen!”
Chan exhales softly through his nose, but his attention never leaves you. “I told you,” he says. “I just don’t really think about you dating.”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
The words leave your mouth lighter than they feel, sharpened by something you had not intended to show. Chan notices it immediately. You can tell by the way his expression changes, something in it tightening just enough to make the room feel smaller.
“It’s not a problem,” he says quietly.
“No?” You tip your head. “Because you’ve seemed pretty bothered by it for someone who claims it isn’t.”
His jaw shifts. “I’m not bothered.”
You give him a look.
From the bathroom, Haneul transitions into a drawn-out version of the alphabet song, half of the letters swallowed by the echo of tile.
Chan drags a hand over the back of his neck. “I said I was surprised. That’s all.”
“And I said I date.”
The silence that follows is thin and fragile, stretched tight between you.
Maybe if he had left it at dinner, if he had let the moment break and disappear under the noise of plates and Haneul’s chatter, this would still be manageable. But he is here now, bringing it up again in the quiet of her bedroom, after bathwater has started sloshing against enamel and the night has settled enough that every glance feels heavier than it should.
Your heart is beating too hard for something so small.
Chan’s voice lowers. “You know what I mean.”
“No,” you say, and now the frustration is there, unmistakable. “Actually, I don’t.”
His brow furrows, not in anger but in a kind of guarded discomfort, as if this has moved beyond the shape he hoped it would keep. “You’re upset.”
You laugh once, though there is no humor in it. “You’re the one asking follow-up questions about a date I went on forever ago.”
“I asked one question.”
“You brought it back up.”
His eyes flash with something that is not quite irritation and not quite embarrassment, but close enough to both that it catches heat against your own. “Because I was trying to understand why it got under my skin.”
The honesty of that startles you, but only for a second.
“Then maybe you should understand it on your own,” you say, your voice softening in volume and sharpening everywhere else. “Because you don’t get to act weird every time you remember I have a life outside this apartment.”
Chan straightens a little, his face going still in that careful way it does when he feels something too much and is trying not to let it show. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He looks at you. And there it is again, that unbearable sense of something pressing at the edges of the room, something too big and too dangerous to stay unnamed much longer.
You are suddenly aware of everything. The soft lamp glow. Haneul’s distant singing, now wandering into nonsense lyrics about stars and strawberries and glitter. The framed photograph on the dresser beside your elbow. The fact that Chan is standing only a few feet away and somehow feels both impossibly close and nowhere you can safely reach.
When he speaks, his voice is quiet enough that it almost disappears into the room. “You know I can’t…”
He does not finish. But it’s enough.
All the restraint you have wrapped around yourself for years pulls tight at once, then frays.
“Can’t what?” you ask, and your own voice has changed now too, gone unsteady around the edges. “Be upset that I date? Want to know about my life? Feel anything?”
Chan’s expression flickers, pain and caution moving through it so quickly that you almost miss the distinction between them. “Don’t,” he says. It is not a warning. It is closer to a plea.
“No,” you say, because suddenly you cannot bear this version of him, this version of the two of you, where everything is measured and bitten back and left to rot in silence. “You don’t get to do that.”
His gaze fixes on you, unreadable except for the tension in it. “Do what?”
“This.” You gesture helplessly between you, frustration spilling out now that it has found a crack. “Acting like it bothers you when I date, acting like it means something, and then pretending it doesn’t. Pretending you don’t feel what I feel too.”
The words hang there.
For one terrible second, the room becomes perfectly still.
Even from the bathroom, Haneul’s singing seems farther away, thinner, as though the world itself has pulled back to listen.
Chan does not move. His face changes, but only slightly. A tiny falter. A break in the careful control he wears like armor.
You hear your own pulse in your ears.
The moment after a confession is always stranger than the confession itself. You expect release, maybe ruin, maybe relief. Instead there is only exposure, raw and immediate and impossible to take back.
Chan’s throat works once before he speaks. “You think I don’t know that?” he asks, and his voice is so low it nearly fractures under the weight of it. “You think I haven’t been fighting that every day?”
Your breath catches.
He takes half a step forward, not enough to close the distance, only enough to make it feel deliberate.
“You think I don’t see the way she looks at you? The way you take care of her, take care of us, like it’s the most natural thing in the world?” His eyes search your face, torn open now in a way that almost hurts to witness. “You think I haven’t noticed what this has become?”
Something hot stings behind your eyes before you can stop it. “Then why are you standing there acting like I’m the only one who has to live with it?”
Chan opens his mouth.
And then the apartment splits open with Haneul’s scream.
It is so sudden, so sharp and terrified, that both of you are moving before the sound has even finished leaving her throat.
“Haneul!”
Chan is out the door first, your feet nearly tripping over each other as you rush down the hall after him. The bathroom light is too bright when you burst inside. Haneul is half-sitting, half-sliding in the tub, water sloshed over the edge and onto the tile, her face crumpled in fear as she coughs and cries at once, tiny hands grasping blindly for something steady.
“I slipped,” she sobs. “I slipped, Daddy.”
Chan is on his knees beside the tub in an instant, all the tension from a moment ago gone, replaced by pure parental instinct. “I know, baby, I know. I’ve got you.” His voice is calm despite the fear flashing across his face as he reaches in and lifts her out, dripping and shaking, against his chest.
She is not hurt. You can see that almost immediately. Startled, frightened, maybe swallowed some water when she went under for a second, but not injured. Still, the panic in her is real, and that matters just as much.
Chan cradles her close, one large hand spread protectively over the back of her head while the other rubs slow circles between her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, over and over, his voice warm and anchoring even while his own breathing is unsteady. “You’re okay. Daddy’s got you.”
Haneul coughs again, crying harder now, her wet hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks flushed pink from heat and fright. Chan adjusts her against him, trying to soothe her, trying to calm the trembling little body in his arms.
Then she lifts her face, tears clinging to her lashes, and reaches for you. “Mommy,” she cries.
Everything stops. Something inside the three of you, sudden and absolute.
Chan freezes. So do you.
Haneul’s small hand opens and closes toward you, her face crumpling harder as she reaches again through tears and panic, too scared to understand what she has just done, only knowing that she wants comfort and that your name, your shape, your love have tangled themselves in her frightened little heart until this is what comes out.
“Mommy,” she sobs again, desperate this time.
The word lands like a stone dropped into still water, the impact rippling outward too fast to outrun.
Your mouth parts, but nothing comes out at first.
Chan looks at you. It lasts barely a second, maybe less, but the weight of it is enough to make the room tilt. Shock, grief, tenderness, something rawer than both, all flickering through his face before he lowers his eyes.
You move then because Haneul needs you. Whatever this moment is, whatever it will become later, cannot matter more than the little girl crying in front of you now.
“It’s okay, baby,” you whisper, stepping closer. Your hands shake only slightly as you take the towel from the rack and wrap it around her small body. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
Chan hesitates for the briefest second before letting you take her. Not because he is unwilling, but because the transfer itself feels loaded now in a way neither of you can bear to examine. Then Haneul is in your arms, warm and damp and trembling, clutching at your shoulders with frantic little fingers as you gather her close.
You hold her carefully, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other rubbing up and down her spine beneath the towel. “You’re all right,” you murmur into her wet hair. “You just got scared. That’s all. I’m here. Daddy’s here. You’re safe.”
Her sobs do not stop right away, but they begin to soften, breaking into smaller hitching breaths against your neck.
Chan stands. For a moment, he stays where he is, one hand braced against the edge of the sink, his head turned slightly away as though he cannot quite bear the sight in front of him and cannot stop looking at it either.
When he finally speaks, his voice is rough. “I need a minute.”
It is not directed at Haneul. Not really. It belongs somewhere between you and the tiled floor and the word still echoing in the steam-thick air.
He does not wait for an answer. He only drags a hand over his face and steps out, walking past the open door with the kind of rigid control that tells you he is holding himself together by force alone.
The bathroom feels too small after he leaves. Too warm. Too bright. Too full of things that can no longer be mistaken for simple. But Haneul is still in your arms, still trembling, still burying her face against your shoulder as if she can hide there from the fright of what just happened. So you hold her tighter.
You sway on instinct, gentle and slow, your own throat aching with everything you are not allowing yourself to feel yet.
“It’s okay,” you whisper again, pressing your cheek to the top of her damp head. “You’re okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
Outside the bathroom, you can hear nothing from Chan at all.
And somehow, that silence is louder than anything.
You dry her carefully, gently, like she is something easily startled back into fear.
Chan does not come back.
You feel that absence like a second pulse under your skin, but you do not go looking for him. Not yet. Not when Haneul still needs your hands steady, your voice soft, your attention anchored fully in her.
“Let’s get you warm, okay?” you murmur, wrapping the towel tighter around her small body.
She nods against your shoulder, still sniffling, her lashes clumped together with tears.
You help her into her pajamas slowly, guiding her arms through the sleeves, smoothing the fabric down over her back, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head when she leans into you without thinking. By the time you carry her down the hall, her breathing has steadied, but her fingers remain curled into the front of your shirt.
You sit with her on the bed first instead of laying her down immediately, letting her settle in your lap while you rub slow circles between her shoulders. The nightlight casts a faint glow along the wall, catching the edges of her mother’s photograph and turning the glass into something almost luminous.
Haneul’s voice, when she finally speaks, is small. “I didn’t mean to slip.”
“I know you didn’t,” you say gently. “Sometimes that just happens.”
She sniffles again, then presses her cheek into your collarbone. “I was singing.”
“I heard you. You were doing a very good job.”
That gets the faintest hint of a smile, though it fades quickly, her thoughts clearly drifting somewhere heavier.
You can feel it before she says anything. The shift. The way children carry fear into questions without meaning to.
After a moment, she lifts her head just enough to look at you. “Why did I say that?”
Your heart stumbles. You know what she means. Of course you do.
You smooth a damp strand of hair away from her forehead, buying yourself a second to breathe through the sudden tightness in your chest.
“You were scared,” you say softly. “And sometimes when we’re scared, we just…reach for the people who make us feel safe.”
She watches you carefully, her eyes still glassy with leftover tears. “But I said mommy.”
The word lands differently now. Not sharp like before. Just quiet. Confused.
You swallow gently. “Haneul,” you begin, your voice as steady as you can make it, “your mommy is…she’s in heaven, remember?”
She nods a little, though her expression remains uncertain.
“She’s always looking down at you,” you continue, brushing your thumb lightly across her cheek. “And she loves you so, so much. That doesn’t go away just because she can’t be here the way we wish she could.”
Haneul listens, her brows knitting slightly as she tries to hold onto something too big for her to fully understand.
“And I love you too,” you add, quieter now. “Even if I’m not your mommy.”
Her fingers tighten briefly in your shirt again. “I know,” she says.
The words are simple. Certain. But then her mouth wobbles, and the question that follows breaks something open in a different way. “It’s not fair.”
You blink.
“My friends all have a mom and a dad,” she continues, her voice trembling just enough to make your chest ache. “Why do I only have my dad?”
There is no easy answer for that. There never has been.
You draw her a little closer, pressing your lips to her hair for a moment before pulling back just enough to look at her again. “Sometimes life doesn’t give everyone the same things,” you say gently. “And that can feel really unfair. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
Her lower lip trembles. “I want my mommy.”
The honesty of it is unbearable in its simplicity.
“I know you do,” you whisper, your own throat tightening. “That makes sense. She was yours.”
Haneul leans into you again, quieter now, her small body softening with the weight of her feelings.
“But you know what you do have?” you continue softly, your hand smoothing down her back. “You have a dad who loves you more than anything in the world. You have someone who shows up for you every single day. And that matters so much, even if it doesn’t make everything feel better right away.”
She is quiet for a long moment. Then, very softly, she asks, “Why does Daddy look at you like he looks at Mommy’s picture then?”
The question lands without warning. For a second, you think you might have misheard her. Your breath catches in your throat, your hands going still against her back.
Haneul tilts her head slightly, studying your face with the same quiet curiosity she applies to everything she does not understand yet. “He does,” she says, as if clarifying something obvious. “Sometimes.”
There is no answer ready for that. No careful, gentle explanation you can give that will not unravel something you have spent years keeping neatly contained.
Your mouth opens, then closes. “I…” you start, and stop again.
Because what can you say? That she's wrong? She’s not. That she’s right? You cannot. That her father is a man carrying grief and love in the same breath and does not know how to separate them anymore? That is not something a five-year-old should have to hold.
So you do the only thing you can. You pull her a little closer and press your cheek against her hair. “Sometimes grown-ups look at people in ways that are hard to explain,” you say quietly. “It doesn’t mean anything bad. It just means…feelings can be hard.”
She considers that, her small face thoughtful in a way that makes her seem older than she should be.
Then, eventually, she nods. “Okay.”
It is not full understanding, but it’s enough for now.
You help her lie down, tucking the comforter around her the way she likes, making sure the rabbit is secured in her arms. Her breathing evens out more quickly this time, exhaustion finally catching up with her after the scare, her lashes fluttering as sleep begins to pull at her.
You brush your fingers lightly through her hair. “I’ll be right here,” you murmur.
She hums softly in response, already drifting.
The apartment feels different once you step out of her room.
The hallway stretches a little longer than usual, the light dimmer somehow, as if the walls themselves have absorbed everything that just happened and are holding it close.
You hesitate outside Chan’s door because you can hear him.
Not loudly. Chan does not fall apart in ways that draw attention. Even now, the sound is muffled, contained, like he is trying to keep it from escaping into the rest of the apartment.
But it’s there. A quiet, uneven breath. A stifled sob he does not quite manage to swallow in time.
Your chest tightens painfully and push the door open slowly.
The room is dim, lit only by the low glow of the bedside lamp. Chan is sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows braced against his knees, one hand covering his mouth as he tries to keep himself quiet. His shoulders are hunched forward, the line of his back rigid in a way that tells you he has been holding this in for too long.
He doesn’t notice you right away. Or maybe he does, and he just cannot bring himself to react yet.
“Chan,” you say softly.
He flinches. It’s small, almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Then he drags his hand down over his face, scrubbing hard as if he can wipe away the evidence of what you have just walked in on.
“I’m fine,” he says, voice rough and unsteady in a way that makes the words ring hollow immediately.
You close the door behind you. “No, you’re not.”
For a second, he does not respond. Then his shoulders sag, the fight draining out of him all at once like something finally giving way.
You cross the room slowly, giving him time to pull himself back together if he needs it, though you already know he will not. Not this time.
When you reach him, you don’t ask permission. You simply sit beside him and wrap your arms around him.
And Chan breaks. He leans into you like he has been waiting for something solid to hold onto, his forehead pressing against your shoulder as his breath stutters out of him, quiet and uneven. One of his hands grips at the fabric of your shirt, not hard, just enough to anchor himself, and you can feel the tremor running through him like something too big to contain anymore.
You hold him tighter. Your hand moves up to cradle the back of his head, fingers slipping into his hair the way you have done a hundred times for Haneul, the motion instinctive and soft and steady. “It’s okay,” you whisper, even though you know it is not.
He shakes his head against you. “No,” he breathes, voice breaking on the word. “It’s not.”
You don’t argue. You just let him have it.
The quiet sobs come and go, each one sounding like it has been dragged up from somewhere deep and long-guarded. You stay with him through all of it, your grip firm but gentle, your presence the only thing in the room that feels stable.
After a while, his breathing begins to slow. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he admits, voice raw.
You close your eyes briefly, pressing your cheek against his hair. “You’re doing your best.”
“That’s not enough.”
The immediate certainty in his tone makes your chest ache.
“It’s for her,” you say softly.
He lets out a shaky breath. “That’s not what I mean.”
You pull back just enough to look at him, your hands still resting on his shoulders. “Then what do you mean?”
Chan hesitates. For a moment, it looks like he might retreat again, pull the walls back up, tuck everything away where it cannot be touched. But tonight has broken that pattern. Something in the way Haneul said that word. In the way you said what you did in her room. In the way he can no longer pretend this is something small and manageable.
He looks at you. And for the first time in a long time, he says her name out loud. “I still love Ki.”
The words land heavy between you. They don’t surprise you, but they do make your heart twist. “I know,” you say gently.
His eyes search your face, almost desperately. “I never stopped. I don’t think I ever will.”
“I know,” you repeat.
That part has never been the problem.
Chan swallows, his throat working around something painful. “But then there’s you.”
Your breath catches.
He lets out a quiet, broken laugh that holds no humor at all. “And I don’t know what to do with that,” he admits. “Because it feels like…” He trails off, shaking his head. “Like I’m betraying her. Like I’m betraying everything we had.”
“You’re not,” you say softly.
“How can you say that?” His voice cracks again, frustration and grief tangling together. “How can I look at you the way I do and not feel like I’m replacing her?”
“You’re not replacing her,” you say, a little firmer now, even as your heart aches for him. “She’s not something that can be replaced, Chan. What you had with her is yours. It always will be.”
He stares at you, torn. “Then what is this?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.
The question hangs there, fragile and impossible. You feel it too. All of it. The years. The restraint. The love you have buried so carefully it has started to hurt just to breathe around it.
“This is something new,” you say quietly. “Something different.”
He shakes his head again, eyes closing briefly. “It doesn’t feel different. It feels like I’m…” He exhales sharply. “Like I’m letting go of her.”
“You’re not letting go,” you say, your voice soft but steady. “You’re just…making room.”
His eyes open. There is something in them now that you have never seen so clearly before: Hope. Fear. And something dangerously close to the same thing you have been carrying alone for far too long.
He does not move away from you. And you do not let go. Not when the room is still thick with everything he’s just said, not when his breath is still uneven, not when the weight of his grief and his confession and your own carefully hidden feelings have all finally been pulled into the same fragile space.
You just hold him. Your hand stays at the back of his head, fingers threading gently through his hair, the other resting warm and steady against his shoulder. You can feel the slow, gradual shift in him as the storm eases—not gone, not resolved, but quieter.
Chan exhales, long and shaky. Then, after a moment, he leans back just enough that he can look at you.
Your hands slide down to rest lightly on his arms as he pulls away, but neither of you fully breaks contact. There’s still a thread there, invisible but unmistakable, stretched between your bodies and your breathing and the way neither of you seems ready to let the other go just yet.
He looks at you for a long time. Not like before, not like the fleeting glances or the careful, restrained attention you’ve grown used to. This is different. Open. Unhidden. Like he’s finally allowing himself to see you without pulling back at the last second.
His eyes trace your face slowly, as if committing it to memory in a way he hasn’t let himself do until now. Your eyes, your mouth, the soft curve of your cheek where your hair falls loose from behind your ear. There’s something almost disbelieving in it, like he’s trying to reconcile the person he’s known for years with the person he’s just admitted he wants.
You feel it everywhere—in your chest. In your throat. In the way your hands tighten just slightly against his arms without you meaning them to.
“Chan…” you start, quiet, uncertain what you’re even trying to say.
He doesn’t let you finish. “I love you.”
The words are simple. No buildup. No hesitation once they leave him. And yet they land like something enormous.
Your breath catches, your entire body going still as they settle into the space between you. You knew—some part of you must have known, because nothing else could explain the way he’s looked at you, the way tonight unfolded, the way everything has been quietly building for years—but hearing it is different. Hearing it makes it real in a way that can’t be folded away again.
Chan swallows, his gaze never leaving yours. “I didn’t want to,” he admits, voice rough and unguarded. “I tried not to. For a long time.”
You don’t interrupt.. Because he’s still speaking like something is finally spilling out after being held back too long.
“I told myself it was just gratitude,” he continues, a faint, broken smile touching his mouth before it fades again. “That you were good with her, good for her, and I was just relieved. That’s all it was supposed to be.”
Your heart aches at the quiet self-denial in his words.
“But it wasn’t,” he says, shaking his head slightly. “It kept getting harder to ignore. The way you take care of her. The way you just fit here.” His eyes flick briefly around the room before coming back to you. “The way you make everything feel easier without even trying.”
Your fingers curl slightly against his sleeves.
“And I hated it,” he adds, more quietly. “Because every time I realized how much I…” He stops, exhales, tries again. “How much I needed you, it felt like I was losing something I wasn’t supposed to let go of.”
You can see it now, clearer than ever. The war he’s been fighting alone.
“I kept thinking,” he goes on, his voice dipping lower, “if I let myself have this—have you—then what does that say about her? About what we had? About the promises I made?”
You soften, your hand lifting instinctively to his cheek, your thumb brushing lightly along the line of his jaw. “It doesn’t say anything bad,” you whisper.
He leans into your touch without thinking. “I’m supposed to be enough,” he says, and there’s something almost desperate in it now. “For Haneul. For everything. I’m her dad, I’m all she has left, and I feel like if I don’t hold everything together perfectly, then I’m failing both of them.”
Your chest tightens painfully. “Chan…”
“I have to do it all,” he continues, his voice cracking slightly. “Because Ki can’t. Because she’s gone. And if I start needing someone else—if I start wanting someone else—then what does that make me?”
The question isn’t rhetorical. It’s raw. Real. Terrifying in its honesty.
You don’t answer right away. Instead, you let your hand slide fully to his face, cradling it gently, guiding his attention back to you when his gaze starts to drift somewhere far away again.
“It makes you human,” you say softly.
His eyes flicker.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” you continue, your voice steady even as your heart beats harder. “You were never meant to. Loving someone again doesn’t erase what you had with her. It doesn’t mean you’re failing her or Haneul.” You swallow, your thumb brushing once more against his skin. “It just means your heart didn’t stop when she left.”
For a second, neither of you moves. Then, slowly, you lean forward.
The kiss is soft. Tentative in a way, like you’re both stepping into something fragile and sacred all at once. Your lips brush his gently, testing, asking without words if this is real, if this is allowed, if this is something he can accept.
Chan stills completely. Then he exhales into you, something in him giving way all over again.
When you pull back just slightly, your forehead hovering close to his, your voice is barely more than a breath. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
For a heartbeat, he just looks at you. Then his hand comes up, sliding to the back of your neck, fingers warm and sure despite the tremor still lingering in them. And this time, when he kisses you, there is nothing tentative about it.
He pulls you closer, closing the space between you in a way that feels like a decision, like a line being crossed that neither of you can step back from now. His mouth moves against yours with a kind of urgency that has been building for far too long, not rushed but deep, grounding, as if he’s trying to memorize the feeling of you, the reality of this moment.
You respond without thinking, your hands finding his shoulders, then his chest, holding onto him just as tightly as he holds onto you.
Everything else fades. The room. The hallway. The years of restraint. There is only this—the quiet sound of your breathing, the warmth of his hands, the way his grip tightens.
You both pull back to breathe, and before he can say anything, you speak. “Can I make you feel good? Can I show you how much I love you? ”
Your words hang in the quiet air of Chan’s bedroom, a soft demand that stops the slow sway of your bodies against each other. The light from the hallway casts a long, warm stripe across the floor, painting the edge of the bed in gold. His hands, which had been cradling your hips as you kissed, freeze on your skin.
“All of you,” you whisper, lips brushing his jaw.
Chan looks down at you, his eyes—a deep, tired brown that has finally started to shine again—searching yours. His breath, warm and steady, flows over your cheek. He doesn’t speak. He just nods, a slow, deliberate dip of his chin that feels like the dropping of a final, heavy weight he’s carried for years.
He lets go of you, his fingers sliding from the curve of your waist with a lingering drag. You stand and reach for his sweats before kneeling before him.
The floor is soft through the thin fabric of your summer dress. You look up at him as you peel his sweats and boxers down his legs, your hands working slowly, taking the time to feel the heat of his thighs, the strength in his calves. He pulls his shirt over his head, the fabric falling to the floor beside you. And there he sits before you, completely exposed.
Chan is perfect. His chest is broad, arms defined, shoulders solid, but they carry a permanent slope, a bearing of quiet burden. And between his legs, his cock stands half-hard, a promise waiting to be fully realized.
It’s beautiful to you. Not in a sculpted, idealized way, but in a real way. The shaft is thick, a solid, warm column of flesh with a slight curve upward. The head is a darker shade, a flushed plum color, already glistening with a single, clear bead of moisture at its tip. The skin is smooth, but you can see the faint tracery of veins underneath, a network of life pulsing just beneath the surface.
You lean forward, bringing your face close. The scent of him fills your nose—the faint, musky aroma of a man, and something deeper, something uniquely his. You don’t speak. You just open your mouth and press your lips to the side of his shaft.
The skin is hot. Silken. You kiss it, a soft, closed-mouth press that makes his whole body shiver. You hear a shaky intake of air above you. Your tongue comes out then, flat and wet, and you lick a long, slow stripe from the base all the way up to the crown. The taste is clean, salty, male. That bead of precum meets your tongue and you take it, a tiny, sweet-bitter pearl that you savor.
You look up at him again. His head is tilted back, his eyes closed. His hands are clenched at his sides, fists balled tight. He’s holding on, you think. Holding on to control, to the memory of how to receive pleasure without guilt.
You want to give him that permission. To shatter that control.
Your lips open wider. You take the head of his cock into your mouth, circling it, sucking lightly. It’s not fully hard yet, but it responds instantly to the heat and wetness of your mouth, thickening, lengthening, the curve becoming more pronounced. You suck harder, pulling more of him inside. Your lips stretch around his girth. You feel the ridge of his crown press against the roof of your mouth, a firm, smooth bulge. Your tongue dances underneath, flicking against the sensitive seam where the head meets the shaft—his frenulum. You trace it with the tip of your tongue, a gentle, teasing stroke that makes his hips jerk forward.
A groan escapes him, low and ragged. It’s the first sound he’s made, and it cracks the quiet like thunder.
You pull back, letting his cock slip from your lips with a wet pop. It’s fully erect now, standing proud and rigid, pointing up toward his stomach. The shaft is thick, a deep, flushed pink. The head is swollen, dark and gleaming with your saliva and his own fluids.
“Chan,” you murmur, your voice husky. “Look at me.”
He forces his eyes open. They’re hazy, unfocused with need. He looks down at you, kneeling before him like an offering, your face level with his sex.
“I want you to feel this,” you say. “I want you to let yourself feel it.”
You don’t wait for another answer. You dive forward again, taking him deep.
This time, you don’t tease. You engulf him. Your lips seal around his shaft, and you push your head forward, taking him as far into your mouth as you can. The head presses deep, nudging at the entrance to your throat. You relax, letting your jaw go slack, and he slides deeper, a hot, solid invasion that fills your mouth completely. Your cheeks hollow as you suck, drawing hard on him.
The feeling is intense for you, too. The weight of him on your tongue. The smooth, insistent pressure against your tongue. The salty, living taste that floods your senses. You move your head back, then forward again, establishing a rhythm.
Your hands come up to cradle what your mouth cannot take. One hand wraps around the base of his shaft, your fingers squeezing the firm root. The other hand cups his balls, weighing them in your palm, feeling their fullness, their heat. You roll them gently, a soft, kneading massage that makes his thighs tremble.
Your head bobs. Your lips slide along his skin, a slick, wet glide. Each time you pull back, his cock emerges shiny and dripping, coated in a mix of your saliva and his own essence. Each time you plunge forward, your mouth accepts him greedily, swallowing him down.
Chan’s hands come to your head. They don’t push or guide. They simply rest there, his palms on your cheeks, his fingers threading into your hair. It’s a touch of connection, of gratitude. His thumbs stroke your temples.
You increase the pace. Not frantic. Not desperate. But purposeful. Your suction becomes stronger, your tongue more active. You swirl it around his head each time you reach the top, licking across that sensitive ridge, teasing the tiny slit at the tip. You feel him pulse in your mouth, a hard, rhythmic throb that signals his building climax.
His breathing changes. It becomes ragged, shallow pants. His hips begin to move in tiny, involuntary thrusts, matching your rhythm. His cock slides in and out of your mouth with a wet, rhythmic sound—shhhlick, shhhlick, shhhlick.
“God…” he gasps, the word torn from him. “I’m…I’m gonna…”
You know. You feel it. The tension in his shaft, the way his balls draw up tighter against his body, the frantic pulse beating under your tongue. You want it. You want all of it.
You pull back until just the head is in your lips, suckling fiercely, your tongue fluttering against his frenulum in rapid, tiny strokes. Your hand on his shaft pumps in time with your sucking, a tight, milking motion.
His climax erupts. It’s not a single burst. It’s a series of them, a rolling, hot flood that pours into your mouth. The first spurt hits your tongue, thick and warm, a distinct, slightly bitter taste that is purely him. The second follows instantly, another gush that coats your mouth and fills your cheeks. You swallow, taking it down, but more comes. The third, the fourth—a continuous, generous release that you work to accept, sucking hard to pull every drop from him.
Chan cries out, a raw, unfiltered sound of release that echoes in the quiet room. His body locks and he falls onto the bed, his back arching, hands clutching your head. His hips push forward, driving his cock deeper into your mouth as he empties himself completely.
You stay there, sucking gently through the last few pulses, until his shaft softens slightly in your mouth, until the flow subsides. Then you slowly let him slip out.
His cock lays against his stomach, spent, glistening with a mix of your saliva and his own spend. You lean forward and kiss it once more, a soft, affectionate press against the damp head.
You rise then, your knees aching slightly from the floor. You stand before him, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. Chan’s eyes are open, staring at you with a dazed, awed expression. His face is flushed, his chest heaving.
“You…” he starts, but his voice fails.
You smile, a slow, tender curve of your lips before climbing onto the bed with him, straddling his hips. You reach for the hem of your cotton dress, pulling it up over your head and discarding it onto the floor. You’re naked now, save for your panties. You hook your thumbs into the sides of those and peel them down your legs, kicking them away.
You look down at him, at his body spread out before you, at his softened cock resting on his belly. You see the love in his eyes, the trust, the raw openness. It fills you with a warmth that spreads from your heart to every extremity.
You lean down and kiss his mouth. His lips are soft, pliant. He kisses you back, a slow, deep melding of mouths that tastes of shared intimacy. Your hands roam over his chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath your palm, the rise and fall of his breathing.
“Do you have a condom?,” you whisper against his lips.
He nods. You reach over to the bedside table, to the small drawer and take one out, the foil packet cool in your hand. You open it, and you roll the latex down his length with careful, tender hands. He’s already beginning to stir again, his cock responding to your touch, filling out once more beneath the sheath.
When he’s protected, you position yourself over him. You kneel on either side of his hips, looking down at the junction of your bodies. Your own sex is ready, aching for him. You’ve been wet for a long time now. You can feel the heat pooling between your legs, the slippery evidence of your desire coating your inner thighs.
You guide his cock, holding it steady and lower yourself, slowly, letting the crowned head press against your entrance.
Your vulva is swollen with anticipation. The outer lips are plump, a deeper pink than usual, parted slightly by your own moisture. The inner lips are slick, glistening, framing the opening that now welcomes him. You feel the pressure of his tip against your flesh, a firm, promising nudge.
You sink down. The head of his cock enters you, pushing past your outer lips, penetrating your opening. The feeling is exquisite—a slow, stretching fullness that makes you gasp. Your walls are snug, gripping him immediately as he slides deeper. You feel every inch of his progress, the smooth drag of his shaft along your sensitive, soaked inner flesh.
You go down until you’re seated fully on him, his entire length buried inside you. Your body accepts him completely. Your walls stretch to accommodate his girth, hugging him tightly. The head of his cock presses deep, reaching a place that makes your eyes flutter.
You stay there for a moment, just feeling him. Feeling the connection. The heat. The perfect fit.
Then you begin to move. You rise up, a slow, deliberate lift that drags his cock almost entirely out of you, until just the head remains nestled inside. Then you sink back down, taking him in again, a smooth, gliding descent. Your hips roll as you do it, a gentle, circular motion that grinds his shaft against your walls.
The pace is slow. Sensual. There’s no frantic pounding, no desperate race. This is a joining, a communion. Each upward lift is a tease, a near-separation that makes you both ache. Each downward plunge is a reunion, a filling that makes you both sigh.
Your breasts move with your rhythm. As you rise and fall, they bounce in a soft, circular dance, their weight shifting with each motion. Chan’s eyes are fixed on them, watching the movement, the way your nipples harden and peak in the cool air of the room.
Your hands find his chest. You splay your fingers over his pectorals, feeling the firm muscle underneath. You lean forward, changing your angle, and this shifts the sensation inside you dramatically. Now, as you sink down, his cock rubs directly along the front wall of your pussy, stroking over your most sensitive spot—the swollen, hungry bundle of nerves just inside your entrance.
A sharp, sweet pleasure bolts through you. Your breath catches. You moan, a low, continuous sound that spills from your lips without thought.
“Chan…oh, that’s…right there…”
He understands. His hands come to your hips, not to control, but to feel. His palms cup your bottom, feeling the flesh there jiggle and tighten with each of your movements. Your ass is firm, and as you ride him, it claps softly against his thighs, a gentle, rhythmic percussion of flesh.
You speed up slightly. Your rises are higher now, pulling him almost completely out before you take him back in with a smooth, wet slide. The sound of your joining fills the room—a soft, slick, repeating noise of flesh meeting flesh, of moisture spreading.
Inside you, the feelings multiply. Each time his cock enters, it stretches your opening wide, a brief, glorious pressure that gives way to a smooth glide. Your walls clasp around him, squeezing, then relaxing as he pulls back. The condom makes a slight difference—a faint, latex texture over his skin—but the heat, the size, the shape of him are all there, transmitted through the thin barrier.
His own pleasure is rebuilding. You can see it on his face. His eyes are half-closed, his mouth open in a silent, sustained groan. His hips begin to meet yours, pushing upward as you come down, adding his own force to your movements. The union becomes a collaboration, a shared rhythm.
Your clit, swollen and exposed, rubs against the base of his shaft with each of your downward strokes. The friction is indirect, but constant, a building stimulation that starts to coil a tight spring of tension low in your belly.
You lean forward further, bracing your hands on his shoulders. This changes your angle again, and now his cock is driving even deeper, pressing firmly against that front wall, stroking over your G-spot with every inward motion. The sensation is overwhelming, a deep, internal massage that makes your whole body shudder.
“I love you,” you whisper, the words coming out between gasps. “I love this…I love being with you like this…”
Chan’s eyes open fully, locking with yours. His hands slide from your hips to your back, pulling you closer against him. “I love you,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion and arousal. “I feel…I feel alive again. With you.”
The words, the connection, the physical joining—it all combines, pushing you toward your own peak. The coil inside you tightens, winding tighter with every stroke, every deep fill, every grind of your clit against him.
Your movements become more urgent, though still controlled. Your rises are quicker, your descents more forceful. Your breath comes in sharp pants. Your breasts bounce more vigorously now, a faster, more pronounced dance. Your ass cheeks slap against his thighs with a firmer sound, a rhythmic beat that matches the pounding of your hearts.
Inside, your pussy is drenched, flooded with your own fluids. The condom is slick with them, making each stroke smoother, easier. Your walls grip him tightly, then release, a pulsing clasp that seems to pull him deeper each time.
You’re close. So close. The spring is wound to its limit.
Chan feels it too. His thrusts become more insistent, his upward drives meeting your downward rides with perfect timing. His cock is a hard, relentless piston inside you, stroking, filling, claiming.
You cry out, a sharp, broken sound as the spring finally snaps.
Your orgasm isn’t a single burst. It’s a rolling, wave-like series of contractions that grip your entire lower body. Your cunt clenches around his shaft in rapid, intense pulses, a squeezing rhythm that milks him through the condom. Your clit flares with a sharp, electric pleasure that radiates out through your pelvis. Your thighs shake. Your back arches.
You see stars behind your closed eyelids. A hot, blinding release floods through you, leaving you gasping, trembling, clinging to his shoulders.
Chan follows you, pushed over the edge by your internal convulsions. His hips buck upward, driving deep as he holds you tight. His own climax, muted by the condom, is still a powerful, physical event. You feel his body stiffen beneath you, feel the hard, throbbing pulse of his cock inside you as he finds his release. His groan is long, drawn-out, a sound of complete surrender. “Oh my God,” he pants out, throat raw.
You collapse forward onto his chest, your body spent, your muscles loose. You lay there, his cock still inside you, both of you joined, both of you breathing in ragged, synchronized gasps. The room is quiet again, save for the sound of your panting, the faint rustle of the sheets.
Slowly, carefully, you lift yourself off him. His softened cock slips out of you, the condom slick and full. You dispose of it quietly, then crawl back onto the bed beside him, curling into his side.
He wraps an arm around you, pulling you close. His skin is hot, damp with sweat. His heart beats a strong, steady rhythm against your ear.
“Stay,” he murmurs, his voice sleepy, thick with contentment. “Please don’t leave.”
⤷ part of the weight of love: eight ways to STAY series
you spend years loving them both in the quiet ways that matter most, never asking for more than the small place you’ve been given in their lives. but when the lines between caretaker, family, and something far more tender begin to blur, chan is forced to face the love growing where he thought only grief could live. caught between loyalty to the woman he lost and the future waiting softly at his door, he has to decide whether letting you in means letting her go.
pairing single dad!chan x babysitter!reader
genre employer/employee to lovers, slow burn, angst
rating mature, 18+
word count 14k
warnings character death (past) ; themes of grieving ; slight age gap ; brief scene of child in distress ; graphic & detailed smut ; oral (m receiving) ; p in v sex
𓄲 get your tissues hunnies, it's gonna be a very bump ride. started this fic and another one on the list a while ago. and then that freaking skz code came out that made me and @joyracha go crazy in the dms and decided to build a series around them. and now here we are! as always, i went rogue and wrote way more than i planned, but hopefully you enjoy! please, if you do like this fic and want to see more, show your love by not only liking, but reblogging and commenting! us creators really do get encouragement by seeing your engagement <3
m a s t e r l i s t .ᐟ i n b o x .ᐟ
There are some people who enter your life like weather, all at once and impossible to ignore, and then there are people who become part of its structure so gradually that, one day, you look around and realize years have gone by.
Chan and Haneul are the second kind.
By the time you are twenty-three, halfway through a degree in childhood development and balancing lectures, readings, and practicum hours with more care than sleep, three years of your life have already been folded quietly into theirs. Not in a way that announces itself. Not in a way that invites questions. More in the way a favorite blanket grows softer with use.
You meet Haneul when she is two years old and too young to understand why the world around her has changed, only that it has. A terrible car accident takes her mother in a single, brutal instant, leaving behind a silence too large for a small child to name and too cruel for a man like Chan to fight with anything but endurance.
In the months that follow, his grief becomes something private and disciplined, tucked neatly beneath pressed shirts, beneath tired eyes, beneath the careful steadiness of a father who no longer has the luxury of falling apart.
He does not stop moving because Haneul still needs breakfast in the morning. She still needs her hair brushed, her shoes found, her tiny hands washed after snacks. She still needs lullabies and cartoons and someone to explain why the moon keeps following the car home. The world does not pause to honor sorrow when there is a toddler asking to be carried because her legs are tired.
That is where you come in.
At first, you are only meant to be help. A recommendation passed between neighbors and family friends and someone’s older sister who swears you are responsible, sweet, good with children, the kind of girl who actually gets down to eye level when a child talks instead of nodding absentmindedly while looking at her phone.
You arrive for the first time with your tote bag slung over one shoulder, your hair hurriedly fixed after class, and a nervousness you try to hide beneath a gentle smile. You expect a child made wary by loss, maybe even difficult in the way grieving children are often allowed to become by adults too afraid to say no to them.
Instead, you find a little girl with enormous eyes and a quietness that doesn’t belong on someone so young, sitting on the living room rug with a plush rabbit in her lap.
And you find Chan.
He opens the door looking older than twenty-five should allow, dressed in a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants, one hand braced against the frame as if he has not sat down all day. His face is handsome in a way that catches you off guard even then, but it is not beauty that lingers with you afterward. It is the exhaustion. The terrible, polished kind. The sort worn by people who have convinced everyone around them that they are managing because the alternative would frighten them.
You remember how carefully he speaks to you that first day, like he is afraid of coming across rude when really he is simply stretched too thin to decorate his words.
“Thank you for coming,” he says, voice rough from disuse or fatigue. “I know this is last minute.”
You tell him it is no problem, and you mean it.
In the beginning, Haneul watches you more than she talks. She is slow to trust in the quiet, wounded way of children who have learned that permanence is not guaranteed, and so you do not rush her. You sit on the floor. You let her bring you toys instead of asking for them. You read books in different voices until she starts to smile at the funny parts. You memorize the exact way she likes her apple slices cut, the songs that make her sleepy, the order of the bedtime routine that keeps tears from gathering in her lashes. Bath, pajamas, two stories, one song, the rabbit tucked beneath her arm, the hallway light left on just enough for the room not to feel endless.
You are studying childhood development, yes, but some things cannot be taught in lecture halls. Some things live in instinct. In patience. In the willingness to hold steady when a child tests whether you really mean it when you say you’ll still be there after they wake up from their nap.
Haneul tests you in all the ways that matter. You pass without ever making it seem like a test at all. And Chan notices.
Not all at once. He is too tired in those first months to do much beyond survive them, but even survival has its moments of clarity. He notices that Haneul cries less on the days you come over. He notices that she starts sleeping through the night more often after you begin watching her regularly. He notices that when she falls and scrapes her knee, she lets you clean it without fuss because your hands are gentle and certain and never tremble, even when hers do.
Most of all, he notices that you never treat his daughter like a fragile thing to be pitied. You speak to her like someone whole. And that alone feels like a miracle.
So what begins as occasional babysitting becomes something far more rooted. Your schedule bends around theirs. Tuesdays and Thursdays after class. Friday evenings when Chan works late or simply needs an hour to breathe without feeling guilty for it. Entire Saturdays sometimes, when errands pile up or Haneul grows clingy and insists on asking every hour when you’re coming.
You become a fixture of the apartment so gradually it almost escapes notice. Your sneakers by the door. Your cardigan draped over the dining chair. Your handwriting on sticky notes by the fridge reminding Chan that Haneul ate all her strawberries already and will definitely ask for more.
The apartment changes too. Not because grief leaves it, but because your presence teaches it how to hold something besides grief.
It is never a large place, but it is warm. The kind of warmth earned through living rather than design. Soft cream walls. Toys tucked into woven baskets that never fully contain them. Crayon drawings held up by magnets on the refrigerator. Storybooks stacked sideways on the coffee table. A faint scent of detergent, baby shampoo long outgrown but not quite forgotten, and whatever Chan has managed to cook between work and fatherhood.
There is always evidence of him everywhere, though none of it showy. A jacket thrown over the couch. A half-finished mug of coffee gone cold on the counter. His laptop open beside a pile of Haneul’s coloring pages because his life is a constant negotiation between responsibility and interruption.
He is the sort of father who carries everything without announcing the weight of it. The sort who wakes at the slightest sound from down the hall, who knows the difference between Haneul’s sleepy whine and her truly upset cry, who kneels beside her bed in the middle of the night with one hand smoothing over her hair while the other checks the temperature on her forehead. He remembers pediatrician appointments without reminders. Keeps extra wipes in the car, crackers in the pantry, Band-Aids in three different drawers. He moves through fatherhood with a quiet competence that would look effortless if you did not know better.
But you do know better.
You see the tiredness under his eyes when he lingers in the kitchen after you arrive, finishing the coffee he forgot to drink hot. You notice the way he thanks you every single time, never once acting entitled to your care even after years of it. You know how often he apologizes for being late, for the toys on the floor, for Haneul being fussy, as if you haven’t already seen him manage work calls while tying the laces on sparkly shoes and cutting sandwiches into stars because she once decided squares were too boring to eat.
There is a devotion in him that feels almost sacred. It lives in the smallest things. In the way he crouches to zip Haneul’s jacket all the way to her chin before stepping outside. In the way he always, always looks back if she calls for him, no matter how busy he is. In the way his voice changes around her, softening at the edges until it becomes something rich and tender enough to wrap around a child like a blanket.
You fall in love with him slowly enough to pretend for a while that you are not falling at all.
Maybe it starts with admiration. Maybe with the first time you see him asleep on the couch after a long day, Haneul sprawled across his chest, one of his arms curved around her even unconscious, as if his body itself knows to protect what he loves. Maybe it starts the night Haneul has a fever and Chan comes home early, tie pulled loose, panic tucked beneath composure, and the relief in his face at finding you there with her makes your chest ache in a way that follows you for days.
Maybe it starts a hundred different times, in a hundred small, impossible moments, until one day you realize your affection has become something far deeper and infinitely more dangerous. You never say a word because know your place.
You are the babysitter. The trusted one, yes. The beloved one, maybe. The one Haneul runs to with drawings clutched in her hand and secrets already spilling from her mouth. The one Chan relies on more than he probably means to. But still, the babysitter. Younger than him by five years, still in college, still building a life of your own. Whatever tenderness threatens to gather in the quiet between you is neatly folded away before it can become visible.
You are not careless with his grief. That, more than anything, keeps you still.
Because even three years later, his wife is not a shadow in this home. She is a presence. A photograph in Haneul’s room. A framed wedding picture tucked onto a bookshelf in the living room. A name spoken gently when Haneul asks questions in that childlike way that manages to be both innocent and piercing. Sometimes, when Haneul is already asleep and the apartment has settled into evening, Chan will look at that photograph for half a second too long before thanking you for staying late.
You never mention it. You never need to.
Loyalty clings to him with the same quiet persistence as grief. Not performative, not self-pitying—simply true. He loved her. He loves her still, in the strange enduring way people love the dead, where memory becomes both comfort and punishment. There are parts of him that remain turned toward that loss even while the rest of him keeps moving forward for Haneul’s sake.
You understand this. You respect it. You build your distance around it brick by careful brick.
And yet time has a way of softening edges no one meant to touch.
Haneul is five now, all bright chatter and quick feet and opinions about everything from cereal shapes to which stuffed animals deserve spots on her bed. She has grown out of her toddler roundness into the delicate, lovely little girl she was always going to become, and somehow, without anyone formally deciding it, you have become woven into the rhythm of her life. You know the names of her classmates, the songs from her favorite cartoons, the exact color she calls “princess pink,” though it looks suspiciously like regular pink to everybody else. She asks for you with the unquestioning certainty children reserve for the people they believe belong to them.
And that is where things begin to shift.
Not because you change.
You are still kind in all the same ways, still patient, still thoughtful, still loving with a steadiness that makes Haneul bloom toward you like something reaching for sunlight. You still arrive with little snacks tucked into your bag and kneel to fasten tiny sandals and sit through tea parties where the tea is invisible and apparently scalding. You still love Chan from a distance so disciplined it sometimes feels like another form of prayer.
No, what changes is harder to control because it is not yours alone.
Haneul starts to look at you with something deeper than affection.
Children do not always have the language for the shapes their hearts make, but they feel those shapes with startling clarity. The comfort of you. The safety. The constancy. The way your hands smooth back her hair when she is upset, the way your voice lowers instinctively when she needs soothing, the way you remember every small thing that matters to her.
The resemblance is not in your face or your voice or your mannerisms. It is in the role your love begins to occupy.
Chan notices it before he lets himself name it.
He notices Haneul reaching for you first after scraping her palm on the playground, even with him standing right there. Notices the easy way she leans into your side during movie nights. Notices the childish, unquestioning possessiveness with which she says your name, as though you have always belonged inside the borders of her world. At first, he tells himself it means only that she trusts you, that your presence has become important to her in the natural way caretakers become important to children.
Then one evening, standing in the kitchen while you help Haneul wash paint from her fingers, he looks up and sees the scene in the darkened reflection of the window above the sink.
You with your sleeves rolled to your elbows, smiling softly as Haneul chatters about the family of lopsided paper butterflies she made that afternoon. Haneul looking up at you with that unguarded little face, all trust and attachment and love. The domestic intimacy of it striking the room so cleanly that it takes the air with it.
Something in his expression changes before he can stop it. Because for the first time, the thought does not arrive as a blur. It arrives whole.
Haneul does not just adore you. She is beginning, in the tender unconscious way of children, to love you in a place shaped suspiciously close to where a mother belongs.
And Chan, who has spent three years carrying grief in one hand and fatherhood in the other, finds himself standing at the edge of a truth he does not know how to survive.
Not only because of what Haneul feels. But because when he looks at you now, his gaze lingers.
On your smile. On your patience. On the quiet grace with which you move through his home as if care is your native language. On the life you have breathed into corners of this apartment he thought would stay dim forever.
And worse than that, more frightening than that, is the part he cannot confess to anyone.
His thoughts linger too.
Not in a reckless way. Never that. Chan is not careless, least of all with you. But desire is not always something dramatic or easily shamed. Sometimes it comes dressed as tenderness that lasts a second too long. As awareness. As the dangerous warmth of noticing your beauty when you tuck loose strands of hair behind your ear while listening to Haneul explain a dream in serious detail. As the temptation to stay in the doorway just to hear you laugh again. As the ache of imagining, only for a moment, what it would mean to let himself want something more.
And every single time, loyalty drags him back. Loyalty to the woman he lost. To the life he thought he would still have. To the version of himself who believes moving on must feel like betrayal if it is ever going to count as real.
So he says nothing. You say nothing. And the three of you continue like that, poised on the fragile edge of something unnamed, each day carrying you a little closer to the point where silence will no longer be enough.
That is how you get here.
Three years after a tragedy that rearranged everything. Three years after you first stepped into Chan’s apartment expecting to offer temporary help and somehow became part of the architecture of his life. Three years of bedtime stories and shared routines and feelings tucked away so carefully they have started to sharpen with the pressure of being held.
Now Haneul is five years old, clever and affectionate and much too perceptive for her own good. You are older too, steadier in yourself, though no less cautious. Chan is twenty-eight and still trying to carry everything alone, still devoted, still gentle, still breaking in places no one sees.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, love has begun to gather.
Not the easy kind. The kind that arrives with history. With grief. With guilt and longing and the unbearable hope of being chosen anyway.
The front door unlocks with the familiar click that always seems to travel through the apartment a beat before Chan does, and the moment it does, Haneul’s entire body lights up.
She has been coloring on the living room floor for the last twenty minutes, tongue peeking out in concentration as she presses a purple crayon too hard against the paper, but at the sound of the door, she gasps like something wonderful and long-awaited has finally arrived. Her crayon rolls away forgotten as she scrambles to her feet.
“Daddy!”
Her voice rings through the apartment bright as bells, and then she is gone in a blur of little socks and wild hair, racing across the hardwood with all the unrestrained devotion of a child who has been waiting to see her favorite person all day.
You do not have to look to know what comes next.
Chan barely gets the door shut behind him before Haneul crashes into his legs, her arms wrapping around him with enough force to make him laugh softly under his breath. It is the kind of laugh you have learned to listen for over the years, quieter when he is tired, roughened around the edges after a long day, but always there for her. Always immediate.
“Hey, baby,” he murmurs, his voice worn down by hours of work and city traffic and whatever else the day has managed to drag over him, but turning warm the second he bends down to scoop her up. “Miss me that much?”
“Yes,” Haneul says with the seriousness of someone stating a fact beyond debate, her arms looping around his neck as he lifts her against his chest. “A lot.”
You can picture it without stepping away from the stove. The way his shoulders finally loosen once he has her in his arms. The way his cheek brushes the side of her head. The way exhaustion never disappears from him all at once, but shifts, settles, becomes something gentler the moment she is close enough to hold.
From the kitchen, you stir the sauce one last time and lower the heat, letting the apartment fill with the warm, savory scent of garlic and soy and browned onions. The pan gives a soft, steady hiss under your hand, steam fogging briefly against your wrist before curling away. Rice waits fluffed in the pot beside it, and the vegetables you chopped earlier are soft now, glossy under the kitchen light. It is not anything extravagant, just dinner, just something simple and comforting after a day that has clearly asked too much of him already, but you know by now that sometimes the smallest things land with the most force.
Chan rounds the corner into the kitchen with Haneul still perched on his hip, and the second he sees you standing there in front of the stove, the look on his face shifts.
It is subtle, the kind of thing someone else might miss if they do not know him the way you do. His tie is gone, probably shoved into his work bag the moment he got into the car. The sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled to his forearms, slightly uneven, and there is a tiredness clinging to him that looks almost physical, something draped over his shoulders heavier than the leather strap of his briefcase.
His hair is a little mussed, his eyes faintly shadowed, and for a second he simply stands there taking in the sight of you in his kitchen, dinner nearly finished, his daughter tucked close against him, home smelling like something warm and lived-in instead of the sterile leftovers of takeout containers or the rushed effort of a meal made too late.
Then his mouth softens.
You know that look too.
It is never dramatic with Chan. Nothing with him ever is. But gratitude moves through him like low light across water, quiet and immediate and deeper than he usually lets anyone see.
“You’re cooking?” he asks, though the answer is obvious.
You smile over your shoulder at him, lifting the wooden spoon a little. “I am. Haneul told me she was starving and then listed six different things she wanted, so we compromised.”
Haneul, entirely unbothered by being exposed, presses her cheek into Chan’s shoulder and says, “I wanted spaghetti and dumplings and fish sticks and mac and cheese and strawberries.”
“And instead,” you say, amusement warming your voice, “she is getting chicken stir-fry, rice, and strawberries after dinner if she eats enough actual food first.”
Chan lets out a breath that almost passes for a laugh, though it still carries the roughness of exhaustion in it. “You’re a miracle, you know that?”
The words come out easy, automatic perhaps, but the way his eyes linger on you as he says them makes something inside you pull a little tighter.
You busy yourself with the pan, even though it does not need much attention anymore. “It’s not a miracle. It’s just dinner.”
“Still.” His voice lowers, quieter now, more sincere. “Thank you.”
When you glance back at him, really look at him, the gratitude sits plain on his face. It does something dangerous to your chest every time, the way he thanks you as though your care is never expected, never owed, always something precious enough to acknowledge. Even now, after years of stepping so naturally into the space his home seems to make for you, he never treats your presence like entitlement. He treats it like grace.
Haneul wriggles, suddenly impatient. “Can I set the table?”
“You can help,” you say.
That is enough to make her squirm out of Chan’s arms at once, her little feet landing hard against the floor before she darts toward the cabinet where the plates are stacked. Chan watches her go, the same way he always does, with that quiet attentiveness that never fully leaves him, and then he exhales slowly, one hand settling on the back of a dining chair as if he needs the pause.
Up close, the weariness on him is even clearer. Not just tired. Pulled thin.
“Long day?” you ask softly.
His mouth tips in something that is not quite a smile. “You could say that.”
He does not elaborate right away. He rarely does, at least not until the apartment has softened around him and Haneul is distracted enough that he can let a little more of the day show on his face. Instead, he loosens the top button of his shirt and steps closer to the stove, drawn in by the smell.
“That smells incredible,” he says. “Seriously.”
“It should be decent,” you reply. “We’ve been taste-testing.”
“We?” he echoes, glancing toward Haneul, who is now carrying forks to the table with great concentration, as though transporting priceless artifacts.
“We meaning me,” you say dryly, “while your daughter declared herself head chef and supervised.”
That earns you a fuller smile this time, brief but real. It changes him every time it happens, makes him look younger than grief and responsibility usually allow. Then his gaze drops to the skillet again, curiosity touching the edges of his expression.
“What is it exactly?”
“Soy-garlic chicken,” you tell him. “With vegetables. The sauce is a little sweet, so Haneul approved.”
“Of course she did.” He studies the pan a second longer, then looks at you. “Where did you learn how to make that?”
The question is casual. So are you when you answer.
“Oh.” You set the spoon down against the rest by the stove and reach for the bowls. “I went to a cooking class once for a first date, and they taught us a version of it.”
The silence that follows is not loud, but it is immediate.
It moves through the kitchen like something invisible suddenly slipping between the cabinets and counters, small but unmistakable. You only really register it when you turn, two bowls in your hands, and find Chan standing exactly where he was a second ago, except now there is something different in his face.
Not anger. Not even disapproval. Just a kind of stillness.
It takes you a moment to understand why.
His eyes rest on you with an unreadable weight, his expression gone carefully neutral in the way it does when he is keeping something behind his teeth. For the briefest second, he almost looks startled, as though the words first date have landed somewhere in him he was not prepared to expose.
You blink, suddenly aware of how oddly intimate the conversation has become for something so harmless.
“It wasn’t recent,” you add lightly, setting the bowls on the table. “It was a while ago.”
Chan nods once, but it is delayed enough that you notice.
“Right,” he says.
That single word is perfectly even. Too even.
You glance at him again, trying not to let your confusion show. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m not,” he says, which would be more convincing if he did not still look a little thrown.
A tiny smile starts tugging at your mouth despite yourself. “Chan.”
He drags a hand over the back of his neck, his gaze flicking briefly toward Haneul before returning to you. “You went to a cooking class for a first date?”
There it is. Not accusation, exactly. Just disbelief tinged with something you cannot quite place at first, something quieter and sharper than surprise.
You lean one hip against the counter, suddenly more aware of him than you should be, of the loosened collar of his shirt and the tired line of his shoulders and the way his attention has narrowed entirely onto you.
“Yes,” you say, a little amused now. “That is what I said.”
He lets out a soft breath through his nose, almost scoffing, though there is no edge to it. “That feels…” He pauses, like he is choosing a word he will not regret. “Specific.”
You laugh then, unable not to. “It was specific. The whole thing was supposed to be charming.”
“Was it?”
You tilt your head. “The class or the date?”
His eyes hold yours for a fraction too long. “The date.”
The answer should be easy. It should be nothing. A passing anecdote attached to a recipe and no more important than that. But Chan is looking at you in a way that makes the air feel thinner, and for a second you can feel the shape of something unspoken pressing against the edges of the room.
You look away first, reaching for the strawberries just to have something to do with your hands.
“It was fine,” you say. “Not especially memorable, apparently, since the chicken is what lasted.”
Chan hums quietly, though it does not sound like amusement. Something in his expression shifts again, gentling and darkening at once, a flicker so fast you almost miss it.
Jealousy is not a look you have ever thought to assign him. Not toward you. Not in relation to you. The very idea feels too impossible to touch directly, and yet there is something faintly unsettled in the way he stands there, in the careful blankness he is trying to hold over whatever instinctive reaction your answer has stirred.
He has no right to it. You know that. He knows that too. But apparently knowing does not stop it from existing.
The realization arrives slowly enough to be dangerous.
Chan’s gaze drops for a moment to your hands as you rinse the strawberries, then lifts again to your face, quieter now.
“I guess,” he says, voice low, “I never really think about you dating.”
There is no flirtation in the words. That would almost be easier to survive.
What there is instead is honesty, reluctant and unvarnished, as if the sentence slipped out before he could decide whether to keep it.
Your fingers still beneath the running water. You turn the faucet off carefully. “I date,” you say, aiming for casual and not entirely trusting yourself to hit it.
His jaw shifts almost imperceptibly. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.”
But he does not sound like he knew. He sounds like someone who has just remembered that you exist outside the borders of this apartment, outside bedtime stories and dinner prep and afternoons spent kneeling beside his daughter to help with tiny shoes and crayons. Like the image of you with someone else has caught him off guard in a way he does not understand well enough to conceal.
At the table, Haneul starts humming to herself while lining up napkins with painstaking precision, blissfully unaware of the strange, fragile thing gathering in the kitchen behind her.
You dry your hands on a dish towel and keep your tone deliberately light, though your pulse has begun doing something inconvenient under your skin.
“It was one date, Chan,” you say. “You look like I told you I ran away to join the circus.”
That gets the smallest laugh out of him, but it is brief, and when it fades, his gaze stays on you.
“Sorry,” he murmurs.
The word lands heavier than it should.
You shake your head. “You don’t have to apologize.”
Maybe he does not. Maybe he does.
He glances down, fingers curling against the back of the chair beside him, his expression tightening in a way that tells you he is aware, at least in part, that he has stepped somewhere he should not have. That whatever flicker passed through him a moment ago does not belong to him. Not with you. Not like this.
When he looks back up, he has smoothed himself out again, though not completely.
“Just surprised me, I guess.”
You could leave it there. You should leave it there. Instead, because some reckless little thread in you wants to tug at the seam and see what gives, you ask softly, “Why?”
Chan’s eyes meet yours, and something in the room stills all over again.
For one suspended second, he looks like he might answer. Really answer. Not with something easy or polite, but with the truth or some dangerous piece of it.
Then Haneul spins around in her chair and announces, “I did the forks all by myself.”
The moment breaks cleanly, almost cruelly.
Chan looks away first, that gentle father-softness returning to his face as he turns toward her. “You did?” he says, moving to inspect the table. “That’s impressive.”
You stand there for a beat longer, dish towel still clutched in your hands, the ghost of that almost-confession hovering between your ribs like heat that has nowhere to go.
Then you follow, setting the bowl of strawberries aside for later and bringing dinner to the table.
Conversation slips back into safer things. Haneul chatters about a girl in her class who insists pink crayons work better than red ones. Chan listens, asks questions, and eats like someone who did not realize until the first bite just how hungry he was. More than once, you catch him looking at you when he thinks your attention is elsewhere, and each time he looks away a second too late, the awareness of it settling over you both like a secret too new to name.
Haneul’s bath time has long since developed its own little rituals, the kind children attach themselves to with fierce sincerity once they decide a routine belongs to them.
One of them is the singing.
It starts nearly a year ago, after a phase where she becomes convinced that closing the bathroom door means vanishing, and though she has long since outgrown the fear itself, the habit remains. Whenever she is in the tub and you are not standing directly beside it, she has to sing the entire time. Loudly, continuously, and with enough enthusiasm that neither you nor Chan ever have to wonder where she is or whether she has decided, in some burst of five-year-old ambition, to attempt something reckless with a wet foot and too much confidence.
Tonight, her voice floats down the short hallway in cheerful, slightly off-key waves, rising and falling over the splash of bathwater.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little starrrr,” she belts from the bathroom, only to abandon it halfway through and pivot into a cartoon song about a rabbit who loves carrots and friendship. The words are mostly wrong. The volume is not.
You smile to yourself as you pull her comforter smooth over the mattress, tucking the corners just the way she likes so she can burrow under them dramatically later and declare herself a sleepy princess. Her rabbit is placed at the top of the bed, facing outward. Her nightlight is plugged in. On the small dresser beside the lamp, the framed photo of her mother catches the soft yellow light and gives it back in a muted gleam.
The room is warm with familiar things. Lavender lotion. Clean pajamas laid out in a neat little pile. A picture book already waiting on the pillow. Haneul’s world always feels especially tender at night, as though the room itself settles into a gentler shape once the day begins to dim.
From the bathroom, her voice rises again.
“I’m a bunny, bunny, bunny in the baaath!”
You laugh under your breath. “Keep singing, baby.”
“I am!” she shouts back, indignant and sincere.
You are fluffing the second pillow when you feel, more than hear, someone stop in the doorway.
Chan does not announce himself right away. He only stands there for a second, one shoulder resting lightly against the frame, watching you move around Haneul’s room with easy familiarity. By now, you know the weight of his silence well enough to recognize when it means thought rather than exhaustion, and tonight there is something deliberate in it.
When you glance over, he has changed out of his work clothes into a soft black T-shirt and gray lounge pants, the lines of the day gentled but not erased. His hair is slightly damp at the temples from a shower, and there is a stillness about him that tells you he has been carrying something since dinner and has finally decided to bring it back out into the light.
Haneul’s singing bounces down the hall again, louder this time.
Chan’s mouth tilts faintly. “She’s really committing to it tonight.”
You smooth your palm over the blanket one last time. “She knows the rule.”
“She also knows how to turn it into a full concert.”
“That too.”
He steps into the room then, slow and unhurried, his gaze brushing over the bed, the pajamas, your hands lingering near the pillow. There is always something dangerous in moments like this, in the domestic ease of them. In how naturally you fit here. In how much less space there seems to be between you when the apartment is quiet and Haneul’s little voice is the only thing filling the air.
For a second, he says nothing. Then, as casually as if he were asking about the weather, he says, “So…that cooking class date.”
You turn your head toward him fully, already suspicious of the neutrality in his tone. “What about it?”
He lifts one shoulder, feigning lightness badly enough that it almost makes you smile. “Nothing. I was just thinking about it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” His eyes flick to the stuffed rabbit on the bed, then back to you. “Guess I’m still surprised.”
There is that word again. Surprised. It shouldn’t needle at you the way it does, but something about it has been sitting under your skin since dinner, unresolved and quietly aggravating.
“Surprised that I can cook?” you ask.
A breath of amusement touches his face. “That’s not what I meant.”
You fold your arms loosely, leaning one hip against Haneul’s dresser. “Then what did you mean?”
From down the hall comes a splash, then an enthusiastic, “Bunny bunny bath time queen!”
Chan exhales softly through his nose, but his attention never leaves you. “I told you,” he says. “I just don’t really think about you dating.”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
The words leave your mouth lighter than they feel, sharpened by something you had not intended to show. Chan notices it immediately. You can tell by the way his expression changes, something in it tightening just enough to make the room feel smaller.
“It’s not a problem,” he says quietly.
“No?” You tip your head. “Because you’ve seemed pretty bothered by it for someone who claims it isn’t.”
His jaw shifts. “I’m not bothered.”
You give him a look.
From the bathroom, Haneul transitions into a drawn-out version of the alphabet song, half of the letters swallowed by the echo of tile.
Chan drags a hand over the back of his neck. “I said I was surprised. That’s all.”
“And I said I date.”
The silence that follows is thin and fragile, stretched tight between you.
Maybe if he had left it at dinner, if he had let the moment break and disappear under the noise of plates and Haneul’s chatter, this would still be manageable. But he is here now, bringing it up again in the quiet of her bedroom, after bathwater has started sloshing against enamel and the night has settled enough that every glance feels heavier than it should.
Your heart is beating too hard for something so small.
Chan’s voice lowers. “You know what I mean.”
“No,” you say, and now the frustration is there, unmistakable. “Actually, I don’t.”
His brow furrows, not in anger but in a kind of guarded discomfort, as if this has moved beyond the shape he hoped it would keep. “You’re upset.”
You laugh once, though there is no humor in it. “You’re the one asking follow-up questions about a date I went on forever ago.”
“I asked one question.”
“You brought it back up.”
His eyes flash with something that is not quite irritation and not quite embarrassment, but close enough to both that it catches heat against your own. “Because I was trying to understand why it got under my skin.”
The honesty of that startles you, but only for a second.
“Then maybe you should understand it on your own,” you say, your voice softening in volume and sharpening everywhere else. “Because you don’t get to act weird every time you remember I have a life outside this apartment.”
Chan straightens a little, his face going still in that careful way it does when he feels something too much and is trying not to let it show. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He looks at you. And there it is again, that unbearable sense of something pressing at the edges of the room, something too big and too dangerous to stay unnamed much longer.
You are suddenly aware of everything. The soft lamp glow. Haneul’s distant singing, now wandering into nonsense lyrics about stars and strawberries and glitter. The framed photograph on the dresser beside your elbow. The fact that Chan is standing only a few feet away and somehow feels both impossibly close and nowhere you can safely reach.
When he speaks, his voice is quiet enough that it almost disappears into the room. “You know I can’t…”
He does not finish. But it’s enough.
All the restraint you have wrapped around yourself for years pulls tight at once, then frays.
“Can’t what?” you ask, and your own voice has changed now too, gone unsteady around the edges. “Be upset that I date? Want to know about my life? Feel anything?”
Chan’s expression flickers, pain and caution moving through it so quickly that you almost miss the distinction between them. “Don’t,” he says. It is not a warning. It is closer to a plea.
“No,” you say, because suddenly you cannot bear this version of him, this version of the two of you, where everything is measured and bitten back and left to rot in silence. “You don’t get to do that.”
His gaze fixes on you, unreadable except for the tension in it. “Do what?”
“This.” You gesture helplessly between you, frustration spilling out now that it has found a crack. “Acting like it bothers you when I date, acting like it means something, and then pretending it doesn’t. Pretending you don’t feel what I feel too.”
The words hang there.
For one terrible second, the room becomes perfectly still.
Even from the bathroom, Haneul’s singing seems farther away, thinner, as though the world itself has pulled back to listen.
Chan does not move. His face changes, but only slightly. A tiny falter. A break in the careful control he wears like armor.
You hear your own pulse in your ears.
The moment after a confession is always stranger than the confession itself. You expect release, maybe ruin, maybe relief. Instead there is only exposure, raw and immediate and impossible to take back.
Chan’s throat works once before he speaks. “You think I don’t know that?” he asks, and his voice is so low it nearly fractures under the weight of it. “You think I haven’t been fighting that every day?”
Your breath catches.
He takes half a step forward, not enough to close the distance, only enough to make it feel deliberate.
“You think I don’t see the way she looks at you? The way you take care of her, take care of us, like it’s the most natural thing in the world?” His eyes search your face, torn open now in a way that almost hurts to witness. “You think I haven’t noticed what this has become?”
Something hot stings behind your eyes before you can stop it. “Then why are you standing there acting like I’m the only one who has to live with it?”
Chan opens his mouth.
And then the apartment splits open with Haneul’s scream.
It is so sudden, so sharp and terrified, that both of you are moving before the sound has even finished leaving her throat.
“Haneul!”
Chan is out the door first, your feet nearly tripping over each other as you rush down the hall after him. The bathroom light is too bright when you burst inside. Haneul is half-sitting, half-sliding in the tub, water sloshed over the edge and onto the tile, her face crumpled in fear as she coughs and cries at once, tiny hands grasping blindly for something steady.
“I slipped,” she sobs. “I slipped, Daddy.”
Chan is on his knees beside the tub in an instant, all the tension from a moment ago gone, replaced by pure parental instinct. “I know, baby, I know. I’ve got you.” His voice is calm despite the fear flashing across his face as he reaches in and lifts her out, dripping and shaking, against his chest.
She is not hurt. You can see that almost immediately. Startled, frightened, maybe swallowed some water when she went under for a second, but not injured. Still, the panic in her is real, and that matters just as much.
Chan cradles her close, one large hand spread protectively over the back of her head while the other rubs slow circles between her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, over and over, his voice warm and anchoring even while his own breathing is unsteady. “You’re okay. Daddy’s got you.”
Haneul coughs again, crying harder now, her wet hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks flushed pink from heat and fright. Chan adjusts her against him, trying to soothe her, trying to calm the trembling little body in his arms.
Then she lifts her face, tears clinging to her lashes, and reaches for you. “Mommy,” she cries.
Everything stops. Something inside the three of you, sudden and absolute.
Chan freezes. So do you.
Haneul’s small hand opens and closes toward you, her face crumpling harder as she reaches again through tears and panic, too scared to understand what she has just done, only knowing that she wants comfort and that your name, your shape, your love have tangled themselves in her frightened little heart until this is what comes out.
“Mommy,” she sobs again, desperate this time.
The word lands like a stone dropped into still water, the impact rippling outward too fast to outrun.
Your mouth parts, but nothing comes out at first.
Chan looks at you. It lasts barely a second, maybe less, but the weight of it is enough to make the room tilt. Shock, grief, tenderness, something rawer than both, all flickering through his face before he lowers his eyes.
You move then because Haneul needs you. Whatever this moment is, whatever it will become later, cannot matter more than the little girl crying in front of you now.
“It’s okay, baby,” you whisper, stepping closer. Your hands shake only slightly as you take the towel from the rack and wrap it around her small body. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
Chan hesitates for the briefest second before letting you take her. Not because he is unwilling, but because the transfer itself feels loaded now in a way neither of you can bear to examine. Then Haneul is in your arms, warm and damp and trembling, clutching at your shoulders with frantic little fingers as you gather her close.
You hold her carefully, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other rubbing up and down her spine beneath the towel. “You’re all right,” you murmur into her wet hair. “You just got scared. That’s all. I’m here. Daddy’s here. You’re safe.”
Her sobs do not stop right away, but they begin to soften, breaking into smaller hitching breaths against your neck.
Chan stands. For a moment, he stays where he is, one hand braced against the edge of the sink, his head turned slightly away as though he cannot quite bear the sight in front of him and cannot stop looking at it either.
When he finally speaks, his voice is rough. “I need a minute.”
It is not directed at Haneul. Not really. It belongs somewhere between you and the tiled floor and the word still echoing in the steam-thick air.
He does not wait for an answer. He only drags a hand over his face and steps out, walking past the open door with the kind of rigid control that tells you he is holding himself together by force alone.
The bathroom feels too small after he leaves. Too warm. Too bright. Too full of things that can no longer be mistaken for simple. But Haneul is still in your arms, still trembling, still burying her face against your shoulder as if she can hide there from the fright of what just happened. So you hold her tighter.
You sway on instinct, gentle and slow, your own throat aching with everything you are not allowing yourself to feel yet.
“It’s okay,” you whisper again, pressing your cheek to the top of her damp head. “You’re okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
Outside the bathroom, you can hear nothing from Chan at all.
And somehow, that silence is louder than anything.
You dry her carefully, gently, like she is something easily startled back into fear.
Chan does not come back.
You feel that absence like a second pulse under your skin, but you do not go looking for him. Not yet. Not when Haneul still needs your hands steady, your voice soft, your attention anchored fully in her.
“Let’s get you warm, okay?” you murmur, wrapping the towel tighter around her small body.
She nods against your shoulder, still sniffling, her lashes clumped together with tears.
You help her into her pajamas slowly, guiding her arms through the sleeves, smoothing the fabric down over her back, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head when she leans into you without thinking. By the time you carry her down the hall, her breathing has steadied, but her fingers remain curled into the front of your shirt.
You sit with her on the bed first instead of laying her down immediately, letting her settle in your lap while you rub slow circles between her shoulders. The nightlight casts a faint glow along the wall, catching the edges of her mother’s photograph and turning the glass into something almost luminous.
Haneul’s voice, when she finally speaks, is small. “I didn’t mean to slip.”
“I know you didn’t,” you say gently. “Sometimes that just happens.”
She sniffles again, then presses her cheek into your collarbone. “I was singing.”
“I heard you. You were doing a very good job.”
That gets the faintest hint of a smile, though it fades quickly, her thoughts clearly drifting somewhere heavier.
You can feel it before she says anything. The shift. The way children carry fear into questions without meaning to.
After a moment, she lifts her head just enough to look at you. “Why did I say that?”
Your heart stumbles. You know what she means. Of course you do.
You smooth a damp strand of hair away from her forehead, buying yourself a second to breathe through the sudden tightness in your chest.
“You were scared,” you say softly. “And sometimes when we’re scared, we just…reach for the people who make us feel safe.”
She watches you carefully, her eyes still glassy with leftover tears. “But I said mommy.”
The word lands differently now. Not sharp like before. Just quiet. Confused.
You swallow gently. “Haneul,” you begin, your voice as steady as you can make it, “your mommy is…she’s in heaven, remember?”
She nods a little, though her expression remains uncertain.
“She’s always looking down at you,” you continue, brushing your thumb lightly across her cheek. “And she loves you so, so much. That doesn’t go away just because she can’t be here the way we wish she could.”
Haneul listens, her brows knitting slightly as she tries to hold onto something too big for her to fully understand.
“And I love you too,” you add, quieter now. “Even if I’m not your mommy.”
Her fingers tighten briefly in your shirt again. “I know,” she says.
The words are simple. Certain. But then her mouth wobbles, and the question that follows breaks something open in a different way. “It’s not fair.”
You blink.
“My friends all have a mom and a dad,” she continues, her voice trembling just enough to make your chest ache. “Why do I only have my dad?”
There is no easy answer for that. There never has been.
You draw her a little closer, pressing your lips to her hair for a moment before pulling back just enough to look at her again. “Sometimes life doesn’t give everyone the same things,” you say gently. “And that can feel really unfair. You’re allowed to feel that way.”
Her lower lip trembles. “I want my mommy.”
The honesty of it is unbearable in its simplicity.
“I know you do,” you whisper, your own throat tightening. “That makes sense. She was yours.”
Haneul leans into you again, quieter now, her small body softening with the weight of her feelings.
“But you know what you do have?” you continue softly, your hand smoothing down her back. “You have a dad who loves you more than anything in the world. You have someone who shows up for you every single day. And that matters so much, even if it doesn’t make everything feel better right away.”
She is quiet for a long moment. Then, very softly, she asks, “Why does Daddy look at you like he looks at Mommy’s picture then?”
The question lands without warning. For a second, you think you might have misheard her. Your breath catches in your throat, your hands going still against her back.
Haneul tilts her head slightly, studying your face with the same quiet curiosity she applies to everything she does not understand yet. “He does,” she says, as if clarifying something obvious. “Sometimes.”
There is no answer ready for that. No careful, gentle explanation you can give that will not unravel something you have spent years keeping neatly contained.
Your mouth opens, then closes. “I…” you start, and stop again.
Because what can you say? That she's wrong? She’s not. That she’s right? You cannot. That her father is a man carrying grief and love in the same breath and does not know how to separate them anymore? That is not something a five-year-old should have to hold.
So you do the only thing you can. You pull her a little closer and press your cheek against her hair. “Sometimes grown-ups look at people in ways that are hard to explain,” you say quietly. “It doesn’t mean anything bad. It just means…feelings can be hard.”
She considers that, her small face thoughtful in a way that makes her seem older than she should be.
Then, eventually, she nods. “Okay.”
It is not full understanding, but it’s enough for now.
You help her lie down, tucking the comforter around her the way she likes, making sure the rabbit is secured in her arms. Her breathing evens out more quickly this time, exhaustion finally catching up with her after the scare, her lashes fluttering as sleep begins to pull at her.
You brush your fingers lightly through her hair. “I’ll be right here,” you murmur.
She hums softly in response, already drifting.
The apartment feels different once you step out of her room.
The hallway stretches a little longer than usual, the light dimmer somehow, as if the walls themselves have absorbed everything that just happened and are holding it close.
You hesitate outside Chan’s door because you can hear him.
Not loudly. Chan does not fall apart in ways that draw attention. Even now, the sound is muffled, contained, like he is trying to keep it from escaping into the rest of the apartment.
But it’s there. A quiet, uneven breath. A stifled sob he does not quite manage to swallow in time.
Your chest tightens painfully and push the door open slowly.
The room is dim, lit only by the low glow of the bedside lamp. Chan is sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows braced against his knees, one hand covering his mouth as he tries to keep himself quiet. His shoulders are hunched forward, the line of his back rigid in a way that tells you he has been holding this in for too long.
He doesn’t notice you right away. Or maybe he does, and he just cannot bring himself to react yet.
“Chan,” you say softly.
He flinches. It’s small, almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Then he drags his hand down over his face, scrubbing hard as if he can wipe away the evidence of what you have just walked in on.
“I’m fine,” he says, voice rough and unsteady in a way that makes the words ring hollow immediately.
You close the door behind you. “No, you’re not.”
For a second, he does not respond. Then his shoulders sag, the fight draining out of him all at once like something finally giving way.
You cross the room slowly, giving him time to pull himself back together if he needs it, though you already know he will not. Not this time.
When you reach him, you don’t ask permission. You simply sit beside him and wrap your arms around him.
And Chan breaks. He leans into you like he has been waiting for something solid to hold onto, his forehead pressing against your shoulder as his breath stutters out of him, quiet and uneven. One of his hands grips at the fabric of your shirt, not hard, just enough to anchor himself, and you can feel the tremor running through him like something too big to contain anymore.
You hold him tighter. Your hand moves up to cradle the back of his head, fingers slipping into his hair the way you have done a hundred times for Haneul, the motion instinctive and soft and steady. “It’s okay,” you whisper, even though you know it is not.
He shakes his head against you. “No,” he breathes, voice breaking on the word. “It’s not.”
You don’t argue. You just let him have it.
The quiet sobs come and go, each one sounding like it has been dragged up from somewhere deep and long-guarded. You stay with him through all of it, your grip firm but gentle, your presence the only thing in the room that feels stable.
After a while, his breathing begins to slow. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he admits, voice raw.
You close your eyes briefly, pressing your cheek against his hair. “You’re doing your best.”
“That’s not enough.”
The immediate certainty in his tone makes your chest ache.
“It’s for her,” you say softly.
He lets out a shaky breath. “That’s not what I mean.”
You pull back just enough to look at him, your hands still resting on his shoulders. “Then what do you mean?”
Chan hesitates. For a moment, it looks like he might retreat again, pull the walls back up, tuck everything away where it cannot be touched. But tonight has broken that pattern. Something in the way Haneul said that word. In the way you said what you did in her room. In the way he can no longer pretend this is something small and manageable.
He looks at you. And for the first time in a long time, he says her name out loud. “I still love Ki.”
The words land heavy between you. They don’t surprise you, but they do make your heart twist. “I know,” you say gently.
His eyes search your face, almost desperately. “I never stopped. I don’t think I ever will.”
“I know,” you repeat.
That part has never been the problem.
Chan swallows, his throat working around something painful. “But then there’s you.”
Your breath catches.
He lets out a quiet, broken laugh that holds no humor at all. “And I don’t know what to do with that,” he admits. “Because it feels like…” He trails off, shaking his head. “Like I’m betraying her. Like I’m betraying everything we had.”
“You’re not,” you say softly.
“How can you say that?” His voice cracks again, frustration and grief tangling together. “How can I look at you the way I do and not feel like I’m replacing her?”
“You’re not replacing her,” you say, a little firmer now, even as your heart aches for him. “She’s not something that can be replaced, Chan. What you had with her is yours. It always will be.”
He stares at you, torn. “Then what is this?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.
The question hangs there, fragile and impossible. You feel it too. All of it. The years. The restraint. The love you have buried so carefully it has started to hurt just to breathe around it.
“This is something new,” you say quietly. “Something different.”
He shakes his head again, eyes closing briefly. “It doesn’t feel different. It feels like I’m…” He exhales sharply. “Like I’m letting go of her.”
“You’re not letting go,” you say, your voice soft but steady. “You’re just…making room.”
His eyes open. There is something in them now that you have never seen so clearly before: Hope. Fear. And something dangerously close to the same thing you have been carrying alone for far too long.
He does not move away from you. And you do not let go. Not when the room is still thick with everything he’s just said, not when his breath is still uneven, not when the weight of his grief and his confession and your own carefully hidden feelings have all finally been pulled into the same fragile space.
You just hold him. Your hand stays at the back of his head, fingers threading gently through his hair, the other resting warm and steady against his shoulder. You can feel the slow, gradual shift in him as the storm eases—not gone, not resolved, but quieter.
Chan exhales, long and shaky. Then, after a moment, he leans back just enough that he can look at you.
Your hands slide down to rest lightly on his arms as he pulls away, but neither of you fully breaks contact. There’s still a thread there, invisible but unmistakable, stretched between your bodies and your breathing and the way neither of you seems ready to let the other go just yet.
He looks at you for a long time. Not like before, not like the fleeting glances or the careful, restrained attention you’ve grown used to. This is different. Open. Unhidden. Like he’s finally allowing himself to see you without pulling back at the last second.
His eyes trace your face slowly, as if committing it to memory in a way he hasn’t let himself do until now. Your eyes, your mouth, the soft curve of your cheek where your hair falls loose from behind your ear. There’s something almost disbelieving in it, like he’s trying to reconcile the person he’s known for years with the person he’s just admitted he wants.
You feel it everywhere—in your chest. In your throat. In the way your hands tighten just slightly against his arms without you meaning them to.
“Chan…” you start, quiet, uncertain what you’re even trying to say.
He doesn’t let you finish. “I love you.”
The words are simple. No buildup. No hesitation once they leave him. And yet they land like something enormous.
Your breath catches, your entire body going still as they settle into the space between you. You knew—some part of you must have known, because nothing else could explain the way he’s looked at you, the way tonight unfolded, the way everything has been quietly building for years—but hearing it is different. Hearing it makes it real in a way that can’t be folded away again.
Chan swallows, his gaze never leaving yours. “I didn’t want to,” he admits, voice rough and unguarded. “I tried not to. For a long time.”
You don’t interrupt.. Because he’s still speaking like something is finally spilling out after being held back too long.
“I told myself it was just gratitude,” he continues, a faint, broken smile touching his mouth before it fades again. “That you were good with her, good for her, and I was just relieved. That’s all it was supposed to be.”
Your heart aches at the quiet self-denial in his words.
“But it wasn’t,” he says, shaking his head slightly. “It kept getting harder to ignore. The way you take care of her. The way you just fit here.” His eyes flick briefly around the room before coming back to you. “The way you make everything feel easier without even trying.”
Your fingers curl slightly against his sleeves.
“And I hated it,” he adds, more quietly. “Because every time I realized how much I…” He stops, exhales, tries again. “How much I needed you, it felt like I was losing something I wasn’t supposed to let go of.”
You can see it now, clearer than ever. The war he’s been fighting alone.
“I kept thinking,” he goes on, his voice dipping lower, “if I let myself have this—have you—then what does that say about her? About what we had? About the promises I made?”
You soften, your hand lifting instinctively to his cheek, your thumb brushing lightly along the line of his jaw. “It doesn’t say anything bad,” you whisper.
He leans into your touch without thinking. “I’m supposed to be enough,” he says, and there’s something almost desperate in it now. “For Haneul. For everything. I’m her dad, I’m all she has left, and I feel like if I don’t hold everything together perfectly, then I’m failing both of them.”
Your chest tightens painfully. “Chan…”
“I have to do it all,” he continues, his voice cracking slightly. “Because Ki can’t. Because she’s gone. And if I start needing someone else—if I start wanting someone else—then what does that make me?”
The question isn’t rhetorical. It’s raw. Real. Terrifying in its honesty.
You don’t answer right away. Instead, you let your hand slide fully to his face, cradling it gently, guiding his attention back to you when his gaze starts to drift somewhere far away again.
“It makes you human,” you say softly.
His eyes flicker.
“You don’t have to do this alone,” you continue, your voice steady even as your heart beats harder. “You were never meant to. Loving someone again doesn’t erase what you had with her. It doesn’t mean you’re failing her or Haneul.” You swallow, your thumb brushing once more against his skin. “It just means your heart didn’t stop when she left.”
For a second, neither of you moves. Then, slowly, you lean forward.
The kiss is soft. Tentative in a way, like you’re both stepping into something fragile and sacred all at once. Your lips brush his gently, testing, asking without words if this is real, if this is allowed, if this is something he can accept.
Chan stills completely. Then he exhales into you, something in him giving way all over again.
When you pull back just slightly, your forehead hovering close to his, your voice is barely more than a breath. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
For a heartbeat, he just looks at you. Then his hand comes up, sliding to the back of your neck, fingers warm and sure despite the tremor still lingering in them. And this time, when he kisses you, there is nothing tentative about it.
He pulls you closer, closing the space between you in a way that feels like a decision, like a line being crossed that neither of you can step back from now. His mouth moves against yours with a kind of urgency that has been building for far too long, not rushed but deep, grounding, as if he’s trying to memorize the feeling of you, the reality of this moment.
You respond without thinking, your hands finding his shoulders, then his chest, holding onto him just as tightly as he holds onto you.
Everything else fades. The room. The hallway. The years of restraint. There is only this—the quiet sound of your breathing, the warmth of his hands, the way his grip tightens.
You both pull back to breathe, and before he can say anything, you speak. “Can I make you feel good? Can I show you how much I love you? ”
Your words hang in the quiet air of Chan’s bedroom, a soft demand that stops the slow sway of your bodies against each other. The light from the hallway casts a long, warm stripe across the floor, painting the edge of the bed in gold. His hands, which had been cradling your hips as you kissed, freeze on your skin.
“All of you,” you whisper, lips brushing his jaw.
Chan looks down at you, his eyes—a deep, tired brown that has finally started to shine again—searching yours. His breath, warm and steady, flows over your cheek. He doesn’t speak. He just nods, a slow, deliberate dip of his chin that feels like the dropping of a final, heavy weight he’s carried for years.
He lets go of you, his fingers sliding from the curve of your waist with a lingering drag. You stand and reach for his sweats before kneeling before him.
The floor is soft through the thin fabric of your summer dress. You look up at him as you peel his sweats and boxers down his legs, your hands working slowly, taking the time to feel the heat of his thighs, the strength in his calves. He pulls his shirt over his head, the fabric falling to the floor beside you. And there he sits before you, completely exposed.
Chan is perfect. His chest is broad, arms defined, shoulders solid, but they carry a permanent slope, a bearing of quiet burden. And between his legs, his cock stands half-hard, a promise waiting to be fully realized.
It’s beautiful to you. Not in a sculpted, idealized way, but in a real way. The shaft is thick, a solid, warm column of flesh with a slight curve upward. The head is a darker shade, a flushed plum color, already glistening with a single, clear bead of moisture at its tip. The skin is smooth, but you can see the faint tracery of veins underneath, a network of life pulsing just beneath the surface.
You lean forward, bringing your face close. The scent of him fills your nose—the faint, musky aroma of a man, and something deeper, something uniquely his. You don’t speak. You just open your mouth and press your lips to the side of his shaft.
The skin is hot. Silken. You kiss it, a soft, closed-mouth press that makes his whole body shiver. You hear a shaky intake of air above you. Your tongue comes out then, flat and wet, and you lick a long, slow stripe from the base all the way up to the crown. The taste is clean, salty, male. That bead of precum meets your tongue and you take it, a tiny, sweet-bitter pearl that you savor.
You look up at him again. His head is tilted back, his eyes closed. His hands are clenched at his sides, fists balled tight. He’s holding on, you think. Holding on to control, to the memory of how to receive pleasure without guilt.
You want to give him that permission. To shatter that control.
Your lips open wider. You take the head of his cock into your mouth, circling it, sucking lightly. It’s not fully hard yet, but it responds instantly to the heat and wetness of your mouth, thickening, lengthening, the curve becoming more pronounced. You suck harder, pulling more of him inside. Your lips stretch around his girth. You feel the ridge of his crown press against the roof of your mouth, a firm, smooth bulge. Your tongue dances underneath, flicking against the sensitive seam where the head meets the shaft—his frenulum. You trace it with the tip of your tongue, a gentle, teasing stroke that makes his hips jerk forward.
A groan escapes him, low and ragged. It’s the first sound he’s made, and it cracks the quiet like thunder.
You pull back, letting his cock slip from your lips with a wet pop. It’s fully erect now, standing proud and rigid, pointing up toward his stomach. The shaft is thick, a deep, flushed pink. The head is swollen, dark and gleaming with your saliva and his own fluids.
“Chan,” you murmur, your voice husky. “Look at me.”
He forces his eyes open. They’re hazy, unfocused with need. He looks down at you, kneeling before him like an offering, your face level with his sex.
“I want you to feel this,” you say. “I want you to let yourself feel it.”
You don’t wait for another answer. You dive forward again, taking him deep.
This time, you don’t tease. You engulf him. Your lips seal around his shaft, and you push your head forward, taking him as far into your mouth as you can. The head presses deep, nudging at the entrance to your throat. You relax, letting your jaw go slack, and he slides deeper, a hot, solid invasion that fills your mouth completely. Your cheeks hollow as you suck, drawing hard on him.
The feeling is intense for you, too. The weight of him on your tongue. The smooth, insistent pressure against your tongue. The salty, living taste that floods your senses. You move your head back, then forward again, establishing a rhythm.
Your hands come up to cradle what your mouth cannot take. One hand wraps around the base of his shaft, your fingers squeezing the firm root. The other hand cups his balls, weighing them in your palm, feeling their fullness, their heat. You roll them gently, a soft, kneading massage that makes his thighs tremble.
Your head bobs. Your lips slide along his skin, a slick, wet glide. Each time you pull back, his cock emerges shiny and dripping, coated in a mix of your saliva and his own essence. Each time you plunge forward, your mouth accepts him greedily, swallowing him down.
Chan’s hands come to your head. They don’t push or guide. They simply rest there, his palms on your cheeks, his fingers threading into your hair. It’s a touch of connection, of gratitude. His thumbs stroke your temples.
You increase the pace. Not frantic. Not desperate. But purposeful. Your suction becomes stronger, your tongue more active. You swirl it around his head each time you reach the top, licking across that sensitive ridge, teasing the tiny slit at the tip. You feel him pulse in your mouth, a hard, rhythmic throb that signals his building climax.
His breathing changes. It becomes ragged, shallow pants. His hips begin to move in tiny, involuntary thrusts, matching your rhythm. His cock slides in and out of your mouth with a wet, rhythmic sound—shhhlick, shhhlick, shhhlick.
“God…” he gasps, the word torn from him. “I’m…I’m gonna…”
You know. You feel it. The tension in his shaft, the way his balls draw up tighter against his body, the frantic pulse beating under your tongue. You want it. You want all of it.
You pull back until just the head is in your lips, suckling fiercely, your tongue fluttering against his frenulum in rapid, tiny strokes. Your hand on his shaft pumps in time with your sucking, a tight, milking motion.
His climax erupts. It’s not a single burst. It’s a series of them, a rolling, hot flood that pours into your mouth. The first spurt hits your tongue, thick and warm, a distinct, slightly bitter taste that is purely him. The second follows instantly, another gush that coats your mouth and fills your cheeks. You swallow, taking it down, but more comes. The third, the fourth—a continuous, generous release that you work to accept, sucking hard to pull every drop from him.
Chan cries out, a raw, unfiltered sound of release that echoes in the quiet room. His body locks and he falls onto the bed, his back arching, hands clutching your head. His hips push forward, driving his cock deeper into your mouth as he empties himself completely.
You stay there, sucking gently through the last few pulses, until his shaft softens slightly in your mouth, until the flow subsides. Then you slowly let him slip out.
His cock lays against his stomach, spent, glistening with a mix of your saliva and his own spend. You lean forward and kiss it once more, a soft, affectionate press against the damp head.
You rise then, your knees aching slightly from the floor. You stand before him, wiping your lips with the back of your hand. Chan’s eyes are open, staring at you with a dazed, awed expression. His face is flushed, his chest heaving.
“You…” he starts, but his voice fails.
You smile, a slow, tender curve of your lips before climbing onto the bed with him, straddling his hips. You reach for the hem of your cotton dress, pulling it up over your head and discarding it onto the floor. You’re naked now, save for your panties. You hook your thumbs into the sides of those and peel them down your legs, kicking them away.
You look down at him, at his body spread out before you, at his softened cock resting on his belly. You see the love in his eyes, the trust, the raw openness. It fills you with a warmth that spreads from your heart to every extremity.
You lean down and kiss his mouth. His lips are soft, pliant. He kisses you back, a slow, deep melding of mouths that tastes of shared intimacy. Your hands roam over his chest, feeling the beat of his heart beneath your palm, the rise and fall of his breathing.
“Do you have a condom?,” you whisper against his lips.
He nods. You reach over to the bedside table, to the small drawer and take one out, the foil packet cool in your hand. You open it, and you roll the latex down his length with careful, tender hands. He’s already beginning to stir again, his cock responding to your touch, filling out once more beneath the sheath.
When he’s protected, you position yourself over him. You kneel on either side of his hips, looking down at the junction of your bodies. Your own sex is ready, aching for him. You’ve been wet for a long time now. You can feel the heat pooling between your legs, the slippery evidence of your desire coating your inner thighs.
You guide his cock, holding it steady and lower yourself, slowly, letting the crowned head press against your entrance.
Your vulva is swollen with anticipation. The outer lips are plump, a deeper pink than usual, parted slightly by your own moisture. The inner lips are slick, glistening, framing the opening that now welcomes him. You feel the pressure of his tip against your flesh, a firm, promising nudge.
You sink down. The head of his cock enters you, pushing past your outer lips, penetrating your opening. The feeling is exquisite—a slow, stretching fullness that makes you gasp. Your walls are snug, gripping him immediately as he slides deeper. You feel every inch of his progress, the smooth drag of his shaft along your sensitive, soaked inner flesh.
You go down until you’re seated fully on him, his entire length buried inside you. Your body accepts him completely. Your walls stretch to accommodate his girth, hugging him tightly. The head of his cock presses deep, reaching a place that makes your eyes flutter.
You stay there for a moment, just feeling him. Feeling the connection. The heat. The perfect fit.
Then you begin to move. You rise up, a slow, deliberate lift that drags his cock almost entirely out of you, until just the head remains nestled inside. Then you sink back down, taking him in again, a smooth, gliding descent. Your hips roll as you do it, a gentle, circular motion that grinds his shaft against your walls.
The pace is slow. Sensual. There’s no frantic pounding, no desperate race. This is a joining, a communion. Each upward lift is a tease, a near-separation that makes you both ache. Each downward plunge is a reunion, a filling that makes you both sigh.
Your breasts move with your rhythm. As you rise and fall, they bounce in a soft, circular dance, their weight shifting with each motion. Chan’s eyes are fixed on them, watching the movement, the way your nipples harden and peak in the cool air of the room.
Your hands find his chest. You splay your fingers over his pectorals, feeling the firm muscle underneath. You lean forward, changing your angle, and this shifts the sensation inside you dramatically. Now, as you sink down, his cock rubs directly along the front wall of your pussy, stroking over your most sensitive spot—the swollen, hungry bundle of nerves just inside your entrance.
A sharp, sweet pleasure bolts through you. Your breath catches. You moan, a low, continuous sound that spills from your lips without thought.
“Chan…oh, that’s…right there…”
He understands. His hands come to your hips, not to control, but to feel. His palms cup your bottom, feeling the flesh there jiggle and tighten with each of your movements. Your ass is firm, and as you ride him, it claps softly against his thighs, a gentle, rhythmic percussion of flesh.
You speed up slightly. Your rises are higher now, pulling him almost completely out before you take him back in with a smooth, wet slide. The sound of your joining fills the room—a soft, slick, repeating noise of flesh meeting flesh, of moisture spreading.
Inside you, the feelings multiply. Each time his cock enters, it stretches your opening wide, a brief, glorious pressure that gives way to a smooth glide. Your walls clasp around him, squeezing, then relaxing as he pulls back. The condom makes a slight difference—a faint, latex texture over his skin—but the heat, the size, the shape of him are all there, transmitted through the thin barrier.
His own pleasure is rebuilding. You can see it on his face. His eyes are half-closed, his mouth open in a silent, sustained groan. His hips begin to meet yours, pushing upward as you come down, adding his own force to your movements. The union becomes a collaboration, a shared rhythm.
Your clit, swollen and exposed, rubs against the base of his shaft with each of your downward strokes. The friction is indirect, but constant, a building stimulation that starts to coil a tight spring of tension low in your belly.
You lean forward further, bracing your hands on his shoulders. This changes your angle again, and now his cock is driving even deeper, pressing firmly against that front wall, stroking over your G-spot with every inward motion. The sensation is overwhelming, a deep, internal massage that makes your whole body shudder.
“I love you,” you whisper, the words coming out between gasps. “I love this…I love being with you like this…”
Chan’s eyes open fully, locking with yours. His hands slide from your hips to your back, pulling you closer against him. “I love you,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion and arousal. “I feel…I feel alive again. With you.”
The words, the connection, the physical joining—it all combines, pushing you toward your own peak. The coil inside you tightens, winding tighter with every stroke, every deep fill, every grind of your clit against him.
Your movements become more urgent, though still controlled. Your rises are quicker, your descents more forceful. Your breath comes in sharp pants. Your breasts bounce more vigorously now, a faster, more pronounced dance. Your ass cheeks slap against his thighs with a firmer sound, a rhythmic beat that matches the pounding of your hearts.
Inside, your pussy is drenched, flooded with your own fluids. The condom is slick with them, making each stroke smoother, easier. Your walls grip him tightly, then release, a pulsing clasp that seems to pull him deeper each time.
You’re close. So close. The spring is wound to its limit.
Chan feels it too. His thrusts become more insistent, his upward drives meeting your downward rides with perfect timing. His cock is a hard, relentless piston inside you, stroking, filling, claiming.
You cry out, a sharp, broken sound as the spring finally snaps.
Your orgasm isn’t a single burst. It’s a rolling, wave-like series of contractions that grip your entire lower body. Your cunt clenches around his shaft in rapid, intense pulses, a squeezing rhythm that milks him through the condom. Your clit flares with a sharp, electric pleasure that radiates out through your pelvis. Your thighs shake. Your back arches.
You see stars behind your closed eyelids. A hot, blinding release floods through you, leaving you gasping, trembling, clinging to his shoulders.
Chan follows you, pushed over the edge by your internal convulsions. His hips buck upward, driving deep as he holds you tight. His own climax, muted by the condom, is still a powerful, physical event. You feel his body stiffen beneath you, feel the hard, throbbing pulse of his cock inside you as he finds his release. His groan is long, drawn-out, a sound of complete surrender. “Oh my God,” he pants out, throat raw.
You collapse forward onto his chest, your body spent, your muscles loose. You lay there, his cock still inside you, both of you joined, both of you breathing in ragged, synchronized gasps. The room is quiet again, save for the sound of your panting, the faint rustle of the sheets.
Slowly, carefully, you lift yourself off him. His softened cock slips out of you, the condom slick and full. You dispose of it quietly, then crawl back onto the bed beside him, curling into his side.
He wraps an arm around you, pulling you close. His skin is hot, damp with sweat. His heart beats a strong, steady rhythm against your ear.
“Stay,” he murmurs, his voice sleepy, thick with contentment. “Please don’t leave.”
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you and changbin have been competing for the top grade since high school. so when you get a perfect score and he somehow gets 102%, it should feel like just another round—except lately, the rivalry feels a little too personal.
⤷ moodboard
pairing academic rival!changbin x afab!reader
genre enemies to lovers ; semi crack
rating mature, 18+
word count 11.5k
warnings graphic & detailed smut ; switch!changbin ; switch!reader ; oral (f receiving) ; p in v sex
𓄲 another binnie fic for the books! requested by my love @minniebitesfr who wanted an academic rival changbin with a seven minutes in heaven feature teehee. hope i did okay hun! have some things in the works, so look out for more teasers! enjoy hunnies <3
m a s t e r l i s t .ᐟ i n b o x .ᐟ
Midterm days always transform the lecture hall into something close to a battlefield.
Not the loud, explosive kind. No. This one hums with a quieter tension. Chairs scrape against tile. Backpacks unzip and zip again. Someone in the back mutters a prayer to whatever academic deity handles statistics and cognitive theory.
You sit two rows from the front with your pencil already lined perfectly against the edge of your notebook. Your posture is calm. Composed. The picture of a student who absolutely did not spend three consecutive nights rereading every chapter until the words started dancing on the page.
Professor Kim stands at the front of the room with a stack of midterms in his arms.
The stack might as well be a pile of loaded weapons.
“Overall,” he says, adjusting his glasses as he looks over the class, “I was impressed.”
A collective sigh ripples through the room. Impressed is good. Impressed means survival.
He starts calling names, and one by one people shuffle up to grab their papers, some looking hopeful, others already defeated. A guy two seats behind you gets his exam and immediately groans.
You barely hear any of it. Your attention drifts two rows over.
Seo Changbin.
Your academic nemesis. Your intellectual parasite. The human embodiment of a smugness.
He sits slouched in his seat like this entire class is mildly entertaining background noise. Dark hair, sleeves rolled up, thick forearms resting on the tiny arm desk, the furniture not designed for people built like him. His pencil spins between his fingers lazily.
He turns his head and catches you looking. His mouth tilts upward.
You snap your gaze forward immediately, jaw tightening.
Infuriating. Absolutely infuriating.
“Y/N.”
You stand instantly and walk to the front. Professor Kim hands you your exam, and you flip it over before you even reach your seat. A bright red 100% beams up at you from the top corner. Heat blooms in your chest.
Victory. Pure, glittering victory.
You press your lips together, but it doesn’t stop the smile threatening to split your face in half. As soon as you sit, your shoulders do a tiny shimmy. A silent celebration. A restrained little dance of academic superiority that no one notices except maybe the girl beside you who glances over like you’ve lost your mind.
Perfect score. Again.
You smooth the paper on your desk and inhale slowly through your nose. Then, very casually, very deliberately, you turn your head again. Time to see the damage.
Changbin is already walking back down the aisle toward his seat. And he’s smiling.
No. Not smiling. Smirking.
Your eyes narrow.
He reaches his desk, turns slightly, and lifts his exam in the air like he’s presenting a trophy. Your gaze locks onto the number at the top. 102%
One hundred and two percent. One zero two.
You stare, unblinking.
He wiggles the paper slightly between his fingers. Then he sits, completely unbothered, crossing one ankle over his knee as if he didn’t just commit a war crime against your academic pride. Your silent victory dance dies a tragic death.
The rest of class passes in a blur of barely contained rage. You hear none of the lecture. Not a single word about neural pathways or behavioral reinforcement. The only thing echoing in your skull is 102% flashing like a neon sign.
Extra credit. Extra credit he apparently knew about. Extra credit no one told you about.
When the class finally ends, chairs scrape across the floor as people pack their bags and shuffle toward the exit.
Your notebook snaps shut with the force of a courtroom gavel.
Professor Kim barely has time to sit down at his desk before you’re standing in front of him.
“Professor.” Your voice is tight. Very tight.
He glances up calmly. “Yes?”
You place your exam on his desk. “One hundred percent.”
“Yes,” he says pleasantly. “Excellent work.”
“Thank you.” A pause. “But I have a question.”
He folds his hands on the desk. “Go ahead.”
Your eyes narrow. “What,” you say carefully, “was the extra credit?”
Professor Kim blinks once. Then he leans back in his chair like someone settling in for entertainment. “Well—”
“Because,” you continue, the words spilling out faster now, “if there was extra credit available, I would have liked the opportunity to complete it. And I’m fairly certain that offering one student additional points that weren’t made available to the entire class is a little questionable academically speaking, and not to mention extremely unfair given the competitive structure of your class. And if the grading scale allows students to exceed the maximum score then logically that should have been communicated beforehand because otherwise it skews the curve entirely and—”
You stop, only because Professor Kim raises a single hand. “May I speak now?”
You inhale. Long. Slow. Through your nose. “Fine.”
He smiles faintly. “Mr. Seo came to my office hours last week.”
Your head tilts.
“He asked if there was any extra credit he could complete to deepen his understanding of the material.”
Your eyes narrow further. “And?”
“I gave him a short research assignment. Five pages analyzing the practical applications of cognitive bias in courtroom testimony.”
You blink. Five pages. That little—
Professor Kim continues, unfazed. “He turned it in two days later. It was excellent. I awarded him two additional points.”
Your jaw tightens. You look down at your perfect exam. Then back up at him. Then down again. A slow burn creeps up your spine. “I see.”
Your gaze shifts to the left.
And there he is, leaning against one of those awful little chair-desk combo things that universities insist on buying in bulk. One hip propped against the side, arms crossed loosely.
He’s eating an apple. Crunching into it like the most relaxed man alive while chaos unfolds three feet away. His eyes meet yours. He chews, swallows, and then his mouth curls upward into the most unbearably smug grin you have ever seen.
Your eye twitches. “You asked for extra credit,” you say slowly.
He shrugs one shoulder. “Seemed like a good idea.”
“You wrote a five page paper.”
“Six actually.”
Another bite of the apple. Another crunch.
Your professor quietly swivels his chair away and pretends to look at his computer. Coward.
You step closer to Changbin. “You couldn’t just take the hundred.”
He tilts his head. “And let you win?”
Your hands clench at your sides. “That wasn’t winning.”
“Sure it was.”
He tosses the apple core into a nearby trash can without even looking. It lands perfectly. Then he straightens, pushing away from the chair-desk combo, towering just slightly over you as he leans in with that same infuriating grin. “Don’t worry,” he says lightly. “You still did great.”
Your eye twitches again. “I’m going to beat you on the final.”
His smile widens. “Looking forward to it.”
Then he grabs his backpack, slings it over one shoulder, and strolls past you toward the door like he didn’t just ignite a fresh chapter in your decade-long academic war.
You stand there, gripping your exam, staring after him.
Unbelievable.
And yet somewhere, buried underneath the irritation clawing at your ribs, there’s another feeling you refuse to examine too closely. Because when he smiled like that, leaning in close enough that you could smell apple and something warm and clean on his skin…
You should let it go.
That would be the mature thing to do. The adult thing. The very psychologically informed thing, considering you are literally studying human behavior for a living.
Instead, you storm out of the lecture hall three seconds after Changbin leaves.
The hallway outside is loud with the usual post-class chaos. Students cluster in groups, comparing grades, groaning, celebrating, debating whether the exam was unfair.
You barely register any of it. Because your eyes are locked onto the broad back moving down the hallway ahead of you.
Your grip tightens on your exam. “Seo!”
He doesn’t even slow down.
You quicken your pace until you’re practically power-walking through the crowd. Students part around you like startled fish as you close the distance. “Changbin!”
That gets him. He turns halfway around while still walking backwards, eyebrows lifting slightly. “Yes?”
You catch up with him in three strides. “You’re unbelievable.”
He tilts his head, looking genuinely curious. “For doing extra work?”
“For doing secret extra work.”
He snorts. “There’s nothing secret about office hours.”
“You knew no one else would ask!”
“Sounds like a strategic advantage.”
Your jaw tightens. “You’re insufferable.”
“And you’re dramatic.”
“Dramatic?” you repeat.
“Yes.”
You step closer. “I got a hundred.”
“Congratulations.”
“You got one hundred and two.”
“Also congratulations.”
Your voice climbs higher. “You didn’t earn two extra points. You manipulated the system.”
“I wrote six pages.”
“You changed the grading structure!”
“I used initiative.”
“I would have used initiative if I had known!”
“Skill issue.”
You stare at him. He stares back.
Students begin flowing around the two of you as the hallway clears, giving your argument a strange little stage in the middle of campus traffic.
Your voices overlap now. “You always do this—”
“Always do what?”
“You turn everything into a competition.”
“You started the competition.”
“I did not.”
“You absolutely did.”
“You’re the one who keeps raising the bar!”
“You’re the one who keeps chasing it!”
Your steps shift unconsciously. You’re closer now, though neither of you seems to notice.
“Because you keep cheating,” you snap.
“I’m not cheating.”
“You exploited a loophole!”
“You didn’t ask!”
“I shouldn’t have needed to!”
“You sound like you’re mad because you didn’t think of it first!”
Your breath catches slightly because that might be partially true. You both step closer again without realizing. Your voices are faster now, overlapping, words spilling out in a rapid fire exchange that barely leaves room for breathing.
“You act like you’re some academic prodigy—”
“You act like you’re the only smart person on campus—”
“I never said that!”
“You don’t have to say it!”
“You’re impossible!”
“You’re predictable!”
“You’re arrogant!”
“You’re competitive!”
You both stop. Because suddenly you’re standing inches apart. Close enough that your voices don’t need to be loud anymore. Close enough that you can see the tiny crease near his eye when he squints. Close enough that whatever laundry detergent he uses somehow slips past your defenses.
Your brain stalls. Changbin’s mouth opens slightly like he’s about to say something. Then he seems to realize how close you are too.
Both of you step back at the same time. A synchronized retreat. Your hand flies to the strap of your backpack. His fingers rake awkwardly through his hair. You glance down the hallway like maybe someone saw that. A group of freshmen walk past laughing about something completely unrelated. No one is watching. Which somehow makes it worse.
Changbin clears his throat. You adjust the sleeve of your sweater even though it does not need adjusting. Silence stretches between you for a second. Then he says, casually, “You going to the party tonight?”
Your eyes flick back to him. “What party?”
“My frat’s.” He says it like it’s obvious. Which it kind of is.
SKZ. Technically it’s a Greek organization. A fraternity with letters and bylaws and house meetings and all that traditional nonsense. In reality it’s just a house full of extremely chaotic men who somehow run the most legendary parties on campus.
You cross your arms. “Oh. That.”
His eyebrow lifts slightly. “Yes. That.”
You tilt your chin upward with practiced dignity. “I don’t go to frat parties.”
“Right.”
“I have better things to do.”
“Of course.”
You glance away. “But my friends wanted to go.”
He nods slowly, like he’s processing important academic data. “Your friends.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re just accompanying them.”
“Obviously.”
“Out of generosity.”
“Exactly.”
Changbin’s mouth twitches. “Well,” he says, pushing his hands into his pockets, “I’ll be there.”
“I figured.”
“It’s my house.”
“Yes. I know how fraternities work.”
“Good.”
You both stand there for another awkward second. Neither of you seems entirely sure how this conversation is supposed to end.
Finally you turn. “Whatever,” you mutter. “Enjoy your two extra points.”
“I will.”
You start walking down the opposite end of the hallway. He heads the other direction.
Three steps later you hear his shoes slow behind you.
You don’t turn. You absolutely do not turn.
But behind you, Changbin glances back over his shoulder. Just once. Watching you disappear into the crowd with that determined stride like you’re marching toward battle instead of your next class.
And despite the argument. Despite the rivalry. Despite the fact that you just threatened academic war over two stupid points, a small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth before he turns back around and keeps walking.
Jia is holding your face hostage. Not metaphorically. Literally.
Her fingers are clamped around your chin while she squints at you with the focus of a surgeon preparing for a delicate operation. The bedroom smells like hairspray, setting spray, and the faint sugary perfume Sana insists on wearing even when she’s just going to the grocery store.
“Stop moving,” Jia says.
“I’m not moving.”
“You’re breathing hard.”
“I can’t control it.”
“Then stop glaring.”
You try to glare less aggressively. It does not work.
The four of you are packed into your bedroom like a chaotic beauty salon. The vanity is buried under a battlefield of makeup palettes, brushes, mascara tubes, lip glosses, and the empty iced coffee Jia finished fifteen minutes ago but refuses to throw away.
Jisoo sits cross-legged on your bed, phone in hand, watching the process like it’s a live sporting event. Sana is kneeling on the floor beside your closet, currently wrestling with a hanger that seems determined to keep the little black dress it’s attached to forever..
“Soooo, you started a fight,” Jia says, dabbing concealer beneath your eye with ruthless efficiency.
“I did not start a fight.”
“You chased him out of class.”
“I followed him.”
“To yell at him.”
“To ask a question.”
Jia leans back slightly to admire her work. “You started a fight over two points.”
“Two unfair points.”
She snorts. “Still two points.”
You glare at her.
“Sweetheart,” Jia says, grabbing a fluffy brush and dusting powder across your cheekbones, “he wrote a paper.”
“A secret paper.”
“There is nothing secret about office hours.”
“Stop siding with him.”
“I’m not siding with him,” Jia insists. “I’m just saying the man played the game.”
She pauses. Then her mouth curls slightly. “And also he’s a total hottie.”
Your glare intensifies, but you don’t deny it. You do, however, point a mascara tube at her like a weapon. “Do not encourage him.”
“I’m encouraging you.”
“There is nothing to encourage.”
“Mm.”
“Jia.”
“He’s hot.”
“Jia.”
“He’s smart.”
“Jia.”
“He’s built like a brick wall.”
“JIA.”
She bursts out laughing.
Jisoo pipes up from the bed. “I think he likes you.”
Your head snaps toward her so fast Jia almost pokes you in the eye with eyeliner. “What?”
Jisoo shrugs. “I mean, it makes sense.”
“It makes no sense.”
“He goes out of his way to compete with you.”
“That’s because he’s annoying.”
“Or,” Jisoo says thoughtfully, “he likes you.”
“That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.”
“It’s not dumb.”
“It’s extremely dumb.”
Jisoo tilts her head. “Chan thinks so too.”
Silence falls over the room. You blink. “What?”
“My boyfriend,” she says helpfully.
“I know who Chan is.”
Chan. As in Bang Chan. As in SKZ fraternity president. As in Changbin’s literal frat president and housemate.
Your voice climbs several octaves. “WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO CHAN ABOUT THIS?”
Jisoo blinks at you, completely unbothered. “What?”
“You can’t just casually discuss my academic rivalry with his friend group!”
“I didn’t know it was classified information.”
“It’s not classified it’s just—” you sputter.
She looks genuinely confused. “Why?”
“Because that’s humiliating!”
“But Chan asks about you sometimes.”
“WHY?”
“Because he thinks the rivalry is funny.”
Your soul briefly leaves your body.
“He said you two argue like an old married couple,” Jisoo adds cheerfully.
You scream into your hands.
Sana finally untangles the little black dress and holds it up triumphantly. “Okay but hear me out,” she says.
You peek through your fingers. “What.”
She shrugs. “You guys should just have sex.”
The room goes completely still. You stare at her. She stares back, perfectly serious.
“It would fix the tension,” she continues. “Sex solves a lot of problems.”
You lower your hands slowly. “Sana.”
“Yes?”
“I will push you down the stairs.”
She gasps dramatically. “You would not.”
“You suggested I sleep with my academic nemesis.”
She waves a hand. “Enemies to lovers.”
“That is not happening.”
“Sexual tension though.”
“There is no sexual tension.”
Jia snorts. “Please.”
“None.”
Sana tosses the dress at you. “Put it on.”
You catch it reluctantly. “This is too short.”
“That’s the point.”
“This is inappropriate for a frat party.”
“Nothing is inappropriate for a frat party.”
You sigh heavily and stand. “Fine.”
Ten minutes later you’re squeezed into the little black dress while Jia fixes your hair and Jisoo insists on adding lip gloss.
Sana steps back to admire the final product. “Oh yeah,” she says. “Changbin’s gonna lose his mind.”
“He will do no such thing.”
“You look hot.”
“That is irrelevant.”
“Hot and angry,” Jia adds.
“Stop saying hot.”
“Hot.”
“JIA.”
“Okay okay.”
Eventually the four of you pile into the Uber you ordered.
The driver is weird immediately. He keeps trying to make conversation while staring at Sana in the rearview mirror. “So you girls headed to a party?” he asks.
“No,” Sana says flatly.
“You’re dressed pretty fancy.”
“Funeral.”
He pauses. “Oh.”
“Very tragic.”
The driver keeps talking anyway, which earns him progressively more aggressive side-eyes until the car finally pulls up in front of the SKZ fraternity house.
Music pulses through the walls, and lights glow from every window.
You climb out first. Jia stumbles slightly behind you, Jisoo thanks the driver politely, and Sana leans down toward the open window. “And if you keep staring at girls in the mirror like that,” she says sweetly, “I’m giving you one star and writing a very detailed review.”
The man goes pale. “Have a nice night!” He speeds away so fast the tires squeal.
Sana flips off the disappearing car. “Creep.”
Bass vibrates through the sidewalk. Voices and laughter spill from the front yard where clusters of people already gather under string lights. People are cheering loudly inside, and the unmistakable smell of cheap alcohol floats through the warm night air.
You adjust the hem of your dress. Totally normal. Totally fine. Totally not thinking about a certain smug psychology major who lives here.
You march toward the front door, your friends trailing behind you. And you absolutely, completely, definitely do not notice Seo Changbin standing on the front porch steps.
He’s leaning casually against the porch railing as your group walks up. The porch light casts a warm glow across the steps, music vibrating through the wood beneath his sneakers while people filter in and out of the front door behind him.
He spots you immediately, his expression shifting and his posture straightening slightly. Then his mouth curls into that familiar, irritatingly confident smile. “Well,” he says, pushing himself off the railing.
Your friends slow behind you, sensing entertainment approaching.
Changbin looks over the group of you politely first. “Ladies,” he says. Then his eyes land on you, and stay there. “You all look wonderful tonight.” The words are addressed to everyone, supposedly.
His gaze drifts down before he can stop it, clocking the hem of your dress. The very short hem of your dress.
Heat rushes to your face instantly. Your hand flies down to tug the fabric lower even though it absolutely will not get any longer no matter how much you bully it.
“Don’t,” you mutter.
“Don’t what?” he asks innocently.
“Look.”
“I’m just greeting my guests.”
“You’re staring.”
Behind him the front door swings open and the rest of his friends spill onto the porch like they’ve been waiting for this exact moment.
Minho appears first, effortlessly cool as always with a lazy smile. Then Hyunjin. Buzzcut Hyunjin. The shaved hair somehow makes him look even sharper, cheekbones cutting through the porch light like someone sculpted him with a chisel. And finally Chan, who practically lights up when he sees Jisoo.
“Hey!” Chan says immediately, stepping forward.
Jisoo beams and throws her arms around him. The two of them hug like people who actually enjoy each other’s company, which makes Sana gag quietly beside you.
Minho nods toward you with a small smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Hyunjin walks straight over and pulls you into a quick hug. “You look nice tonight,” he says when he steps back. There’s a tiny bit of playful emphasis on nice.
You narrow your eyes slightly. “Thank you.”
Hyunjin glances at your dress. “Very nice.”
“Okay,” you say dryly.
Changbin shifts beside him. It’s subtle. So subtle most people wouldn’t notice. But you do. He casually steps forward just enough that his shoulder bumps lightly into Hyunjin’s arm, forcing the taller man to shift half a step to the side. It looks accidental, but it absolutely isn’t.
Hyunjin glances down at him. Changbin pretends to examine something across the yard. Minho watches the exchange with visible amusement. Chan, meanwhile, looks delighted by the entire situation.
“Oh this is great,” he says, clapping his hands once.
Everyone turns toward him. He gestures between you and Changbin like he’s introducing a show. “I love seeing you two together.”
You and Changbin both freeze.
“What?” you say.
“What?” Changbin echoes.
Chan beams. “You guys going at it is my favorite thing.”
Your brain stalls. “Excuse me?”
“The arguments!” Chan says cheerfully. “The debates! The academic warfare!”
Jisoo nods enthusiastically beside him. You whip your head toward her. She gives you a bright thumbs up.
Changbin slowly turns his head toward Chan. “You enjoy that?”
“Very much.”
“You enjoy watching us argue.”
“It’s incredible,” Chan says. “The energy. The tension. The intellectual combat.”
Minho snorts quietly.
Chan claps his hands again. “Come on. Start debating.”
You blink. “What?”
“Start debating.”
“How can we just start argu—”
Hyunjin suddenly raises his voice. “SHOTS!”
The word slices through the porch like a starting pistol. A cheer erupts from inside the house.
Hyunjin disappears through the doorway for three seconds and reemerges with two green bottles held triumphantly in the air. “Important question,” he announces. He lifts one bottle in each hand. “Chamisul.” Then the other. “Or Jinro?”
You answer instantly. “Chamisul.”
“Jinro,” Changbin says at the exact same time.
Your head snaps toward him. “Excuse me?”
He raises an eyebrow. “You heard me.”
“Jinro is terrible.”
“It’s literally smoother.”
“Chamisul has a cleaner finish.”
“Jinro has better balance.”
“Better balance?” you scoff. “It tastes like watered-down ass.”
“Chamisul tastes like actual ass.”
“Then you should love it.”
“Maybe. Depends who’s offering.”
“Shut up. Chamisul wins taste tests.”
“Among people with bad taste.”
You step closer. “It’s the best-selling brand.”
“Marketing.”
“Popularity matters.”
“Quality matters.”
Your voices climb higher as you talk faster. “You clearly don’t understand alcohol distribution economics—”
“You clearly don’t understand flavor profiles—”
“You’re defending Jinro like they’re paying you—”
“And you’re trashing it like it keyed your car.”
Chan looks like Christmas morning. His eyes are shining. “YES,” he whispers excitedly.
You and Changbin now standing far too close again while passionately debating Korean liquor brands.
Hyunjin slowly raises the bottles. “Well,” he says thoughtfully. “Looks like we’re doing both.”
You regret coming to this party.
Not in the life-choices kind of way. But in the very specific way that creeps in when you find yourself sitting on the floor of a fraternity living room at midnight, slightly buzzed, surrounded by a ring of loud, half-drunk people chanting at a spinning glass bottle like it’s a ritual object.
How does this happen every time? How does every party in the history of human civilization eventually collapse into spin the bottle?
The SKZ house living room has been rearranged to accommodate the chaos. The couches are pushed against the walls, leaving a wide clearing on the rug where the game has formed naturally like a whirlpool of bad decisions.
Music still thumps faintly from somewhere deeper in the house, but here the focus is entirely on the circle. A bottle lies on its side in the middle of it. And the circle is very, very full.
You sit on your knees between Sana and Jia, which is a deliberate tactical choice because your dress is criminally short and the last thing you need is flashing half of Changbin’s fraternity by accident.
Your knees press into the carpet. Sana leans comfortably against your shoulder, clearly thriving in this environment. Jia is sipping something out of a red cup and watching everything with the calm amusement of someone observing a nature documentary.
Across the circle sit the rest of the SKZ boys and their collection of friends and party guests.
Minho is lounging with one arm draped over the back of the couch behind him, looking like he accidentally wandered into the game but decided to stay for entertainment.
Hyunjin sits cross-legged nearby, buzzcut hair somehow making his already dramatic expressions even more dramatic. A few random girls from campus are scattered around the circle too, giggling and whispering.
And directly across from you—
Changbin.
Because the universe has a sense of humor.
He sits with one knee bent and one arm draped casually across it, posture relaxed, expression amused. His eyes flick toward you occasionally. Just enough to be annoying.
You look away every time.
This game has been going for a while. The bottle spins. People cheer. Someone gets dared to take a shot. Someone else gets dared to text their ex. At one point Hyunjin is forced to bark like a dog for thirty seconds, which he commits to with disturbing enthusiasm.
The energy in the room grows louder and messier as drinks disappear and laughter gets easier. Then the bottle spins again. It slows, wobbles, and then stops, directly pointing at Changbin.
The room erupts immediately.
“OHHHHHH!”
“Let’s go!”
“Bin! Bin! Bin!”
A girl sitting two spots away from Minho leans forward eagerly. She’s pretty. Very pretty. Long hair, glossy lip gloss, the confident energy of someone who knows exactly what she’s doing at a frat party.
The girl who spun the bottle grins wickedly.
Changbin lifts an eyebrow. “Dare.”
“Alright. I dare you to let Yuna kiss you.”
The pretty girl immediately scoots forward.
You hate it. The feeling hits you so suddenly and violently it almost makes you dizzy. It’s irrational. It’s childish. It’s absolutely none of your business. And yet something sour twists in your stomach as she leans closer to him, smiling like she already knows this is going to happen.
You look away. Because watching that would be ridiculous. And embarrassing. And you definitely don’t care enough to sit there and witness—
Your eyes flick up despite yourself, and you see it. The girl is leaning forward to kiss him. But Changbin isn’t looking at her. He’s looking at you. His eyes meet yours for half a second. Then he turns his head slightly at the last moment. The girl’s lips land on his cheek instead. A quick, harmless peck.
The room explodes with laughter.
“Dodged!”
“Coward!”
Changbin leans back with a grin like it was completely accidental. “Sorry,” he says easily. “Missed.”
The girl laughs it off, shoving his shoulder playfully.
You’re still staring at him. He glances back at you again, and this time he doesn’t look away. You break eye contact first.
The bottle spins again. More laughter. More dares.
The night keeps unraveling.
When it's Sana's turn she reaches forward, grabbing the bottle. She spins it hard. The bottle whirs across the carpet, green glass catching the light as everyone leans forward to watch where it lands.
It slows, and then stops completely, pointing at you. Your stomach sinks.
The circle erupts again.
“OHHHH!”
“Y/N!”
You slowly look up.
Sana is already grinning. “Truth or dare,” she sings.
You stare at her.
Your brain runs the calculation immediately. Truth is not an option. Absolutely not. Sana is a menace. She will ask something terrifyingly specific like “Which person in this room would you hook up with if you had to choose?” or “Be honest, who in this circle do you secretly like?”
You straighten your shoulders. “Dare.”
The grin on Sana’s face somehow gets bigger.
Jia snorts quietly beside you. “Bold choice,” she murmurs.
You narrow your eyes at her.
Sana leans forward, elbows on her knees, clearly savoring the moment.
The entire circle has gone quiet. Even Chan and Jisoo look over from where they’re sitting on the couch watching the game.
Sana tilts her head. “Well,” she says sweetly. “I dare you…” She drags the pause out just long enough to make your stomach drop. “…to spend seven minutes in heaven...” A chorus of gasps and laughter ripples through the circle. Your brain freezes. Then she finishes the sentence. “...with Changbin.”
The room explodes.
“YES!”
“OH MY GOD!”
You whip your head toward her.
“Sana—”
She just beams at you.
Across the circle Changbin sits very still, looking straight at you.
You immediately try to stand up and leave the circle, which is the worst possible move because it only encourages them.
“Oh no you don’t!”
“Seven minutes!”
Hyunjin grabs Changbin by the shoulders and shoves him forward while Minho stands up and gestures dramatically toward the hallway like a game show host presenting a prize.
“Pantry’s free!” Minho announces.
“Pantry?” you repeat weakly.
“Yes,” Chan says cheerfully. “It’s the biggest small room we have.”
“That sentence doesn’t make sense.”
“It’ll fit two people.”
You open your mouth to protest. Sana simply grabs your arm and hauls forward.
“Have fun!” she sings.
Before you can fully object, the group herds both you and Changbin toward the kitchen like extremely enthusiastic cattle ranchers. Someone opens the pantry door.
“Seven minutes!”
Then you’re pushed inside.
The door shuts behind you, and the room goes quiet. Well, mostly quiet. You can still hear muffled laughter and music from the living room through the wall, but inside the pantry the sound dulls into a distant thump.
The space is small, designed for one person reaching for cereal boxes, not two fully grown adults who have spent the last several years academically threatening each other. Shelves line the back wall, stacked with snacks, ramen packets, bags of chips, random kitchen supplies, and a suspiciously large amount of instant noodles.
You take a careful step forward. Something crunches beneath your shoe. “What was that?”
Changbin glances down.
You shift your foot. Another crunch. “Great,” you mutter. “You should really clean this better.”
He leans slightly, peering at the floor. “I think Jisung just sweeps everything in here instead of using a dustpan.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“You think this is bad?” he snorts. “You should see his room under a blacklight."
You wrinkle your nose and shuffle again, trying to find a spot that doesn’t sound like you’re walking on broken crackers.
Your shoulder brushes his chest. Changbin inhales sharply.
Your head snaps up. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“Don’t sigh like that.”
“I didn’t sigh.”
“You literally just sighed.”
“I inhaled.”
“Like you’re annoyed.”
“I’m not annoyed.”
“Well it sounded like you were annoyed.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to say anything.”
Changbin blinks at you. “You’re the one who started talking.”
“I’m responding to your attitude.”
“I don’t have an attitude.”
“You absolutely do.”
“You’re the one who’s snapping.”
“You sighed!”
“I breathed!” He runs a hand through his hair, clearly baffled. “This is insane.”
“You’re insane.”
“I didn’t even do anything.”
“You existed in a judgmental way.”
“I was standing still!”
“In a judgmental posture!”
“What does that even mean?”
You cross your arms. “It means you’re judging me.”
“I’m not judging you.”
“You sighed when I touched you.”
“I did not sigh because you touched me.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes really.”
“Because it sounded like you were deeply inconvenienced by my presence.”
“You’re the one who’s been acting like this entire party is beneath you.”
“It is beneath me.”
“You came anyway.”
“My friends dragged me.”
He slaps his hands over his face .
“At least I didn’t try to kiss random girls.”
He drops his hands. Your words hang in the air. Your brain catches up with your mouth half a second too late. Oops.
Changbin tilts his head slowly. “What?”
You immediately look at the shelf behind you like the ramen packets are fascinating. “Nothing.”
“You just brought up the girl from earlier.”
“I did not.”
“You absolutely did.”
You shrug stiffly. “I just said you tried to kiss someone.”
“I did not try to kiss someone.”
“She leaned in.”
“And I turned my head.”
“After she got close.”
“I turned my head before.”
“You still let it happen.”
“I got kissed on the cheek.”
“That’s still a kiss.”
“That’s barely a kiss.”
“You seemed fine with it.”
“I wasn’t fine with it.”
“You didn’t look particularly distressed.”
“Because it was a joke.”
“Right.”
He stares at you. “You looked away.”
You blink. “What?”
“You looked away when she leaned in.”
“I did not.”
“You did.”
“I was looking at something else.”
“Like the floor?”
“Maybe.”
“Or maybe you didn’t want to see it.”
Your stomach flips. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Because it looked like you cared.”
“I did not care.”
“You sounded like you cared just now.”
“I’m making an observation.”
“You’re jealous.”
You choke. “I am not jealous.”
“You absolutely are.”
“I absolutely am not.”
“You brought it up out of nowhere.”
“Because it was relevant.”
“How was that relevant?”
“You’re the one who kissed someone.”
“I did not kiss someone.”
“You were involved in a kiss.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“You could have stopped it.”
“I did.”
“Barely.”
He stares at you for another second. Then suddenly he laughs. A short, disbelieving laugh. “You’re unbelievable.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” he says, leaning one shoulder against the shelf, “you’re mad about something that didn’t even happen.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You’re definitely mad.”
“I’m analyzing the situation.”
“You’re jealous.”
“I am not jealous.”
“You are.”
“I am not.”
“You are.”
“I am not!”
“Then why did you bring it up?”
You open your mouth. Then pause. Your brain stalls because the answer sitting there is deeply inconvenient. You snap your mouth shut again.
Changbin watches you carefully. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “That’s what I thought.”
Your face feels hot. “You’re arrogant.”
“You’re deflecting.”
“You always do this.”
“Do what?”
“Push people.”
“I ask questions.”
“You poke at things.”
“You poke at things too.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because—” You stop.
He waits. “Because what?” he asks.
Your voice comes out sharper than you intend. “Because you make everything a competition!”
His eyebrows lift. “You’re the one who’s been competing with me for years.”
“Because you’re annoying!”
“Or maybe,” he says slowly, “you just like arguing with me.”
You scoff. “I do not like arguing with you.”
“You do.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Changbin.”
“Y/N.”
“You deliberately get under my skin.”
“You react every time.”
“That doesn’t mean I like it.”
“You could ignore me.”
“I tried.”
“You failed.”
“Because you keep doing things like getting 102%!”
“You could’ve asked for extra credit.”
“You know I would have if I knew!”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because you didn’t tell me!”
He stares at you for a second. His voice drops slightly. “You think I didn’t tell you on purpose?”
Your arms tighten across your chest. “You like beating me.”
“I like challenging you.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is.”
“No,” he says quietly, “it’s not.”
You glare at him.
He pushes off the shelf slightly. “You know why I asked for extra credit?”
“Because you’re competitive.”
“Because I knew you’d get a hundred.”
“That doesn’t—”
“I knew you’d ace the exam,” he continues. “So I asked for something extra.”
“That’s still competing.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
You stare at him. “Then what is it?”
He hesitates for just a second. Then he says it. “I like keeping up with you.”
The words land softly between you. “That’s still competition.”
“Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“But that’s not the reason.”
Your heart starts beating faster. “Then what is the reason?”
Changbin looks at you like he’s deciding something. Like he’s weighing whether or not to say something dangerous. “You really don’t get it?”
“No.”
“You’ve never noticed?”
“Noticed what?”
“That I like you.”
The pantry goes completely silent. “What?”
He huffs out a breath like he’s been holding that in for years. “I like you,” he repeats. “Have for a while.”
Your mouth opens. Then closes. Your brain tries to rearrange every argument, every conversation, every moment you’ve had with him. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Why?”
“Because we fight all the time.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s not how liking someone works.”
“That’s exactly how it works when the person you like refuses to admit they like you back.”
Your eyes widen. “I do not—”
“You’re jealous of a girl kissing my cheek.”
“I am not jealous.”
“You brought it up twice.”
“That’s because—”
“Because you like me too.”
“I do not.”
“You do.”
You step closer without realizing. “You are unbelievably confident.”
“And you’re unbelievably oblivious.”
“I am not oblivious.”
“You can’t even see that I like you, Y/N.”
“I-I’m frustrated.”
“With me.”
“Yes.”
“Because you like me.”
“That’s not—”
You stop. Because you’re standing inches apart again. Because he’s looking at you in that focused way that makes your thoughts scatter.
Your voice drops. “I hate that you might be right.”
Changbin smiles slightly. “So you do like me.”
You glare weakly. “Maybe.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Maybe?”
“Don’t push it.”
“I’m just confirming.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“You like insufferable.”
You sigh. “Unfortunately.”
“Seven minutes in heaven,” he says quietly.
Your stomach flips again. “Right.”
You’re still standing far too close to him. You can feel the way his chest rises and falls a little faster than it did earlier.
The party outside is still going. You can hear it faintly through the walls. Music, laughter, someone shouting about more drinks. But it feels very far away.
Right now there is only this small pantry. And Changbin. And the words that just came out of his mouth.
Your brain is still trying to process that when he shifts his weight slightly. Just a small movement, but it brings him half a step closer.
Your back lightly touches the shelf behind you. A bag of chips crinkles softly somewhere near your shoulder, but neither of you looks away.
Your heart is beating in your throat.
“So,” he says again quietly.
“So,” you echo.
Your voice sounds thinner than you meant it to.
Changbin studies your face like he’s memorizing something. His eyes flick between yours, lingering there, searching. Then they drop, just briefly, to your mouth. The movement is small but it hits you like a spark to dry paper.
Heat climbs up your neck instantly. Your fingers tighten slightly where they’re resting against the shelf behind you. Changbin leans forward slowly, giving you every chance in the world to stop him.
His voice drops softer than before. “Can I kiss you?”
The question hits you like a shockwave. Your brain freezes completely.
You stare at him, then your head nods automatically before your mouth can catch up.
Changbin doesn’t move. His eyebrow lifts slightly. “Use your words,” he murmurs.
“Yes.” Your voice comes out barely above a whisper.
The corner of his mouth curves. “Good,” he says quietly. Then, softer. “C’mere, baby.”
The word hits your chest like someone dropped a stone in still water. Every thought you had dissolves instantly.
You grab the front of his shirt and pull him down, crashing your lips into his.
The impact surprises both of you. Changbin makes a small sound against your mouth, half startled, half something else entirely, before he reacts. And when he reacts, he reacts fully.
His hands find your waist immediately, gripping you, kissing you back just as hard. It’s hungry. Like both of you have been standing at the edge of this moment for years and someone finally pushed.
Your back presses harder against the shelf as he leans into you. Your fingers slide into his shirt collar, gripping the fabric. Changbin’s hand tightens at your waist. Your lips move against his, slow at first and then faster as the rhythm finds itself. The faint taste of soju lingers on his mouth, warm and sharp and entirely distracting.
His thumb shifts against your side. You feel the movement through the thin fabric of your dress and your breath catches. Changbin pulls back just barely, just enough for his forehead to rest lightly against yours. His voice is low when he speaks. “You okay?”
You nod immediately.
“Say it.”
You swallow. “Yes.”
The second the word leaves your mouth he kisses you again. Your head tilts instinctively as his hand slides from your waist up along your back. His fingers press lightly against the curve of your spine, guiding you closer. Like you weren’t already practically climbing him.
Your lips part and the kiss changes again, softening for a moment before building back into something heavier. Your hand slides from his collar into his hair, and you tug slightly. Changbin exhales against your mouth. The sound sends a shiver straight down your spine.
Your body shifts forward without thinking, pressing closer to him. Changbin’s other hand moves. It settles against your hip first, then slides just slightly lower to grip your ass.
You gasp softly into the kiss.
He does it again. Just a little squeeze.
Then suddenly you’re half lifted just enough that your balance shifts and your back presses fully into the shelves behind you.
Your brain has stopped producing coherent thoughts entirely. All you can focus on is the way he’s kissing you. The way his breathing is uneven. The way your name slips out of his mouth when you tug his hair. One of his hands is pawing at your thigh now.
Your brain briefly sparks back to life. “Changbin—”
“Yeah?” he murmurs against your mouth.
You forget what you were going to say, so you kiss him again instead. His hand tightens against your thigh as your leg instinctively hooks slightly around his. And that’s exactly the moment the pantry door flies open.
Bright kitchen light floods the small room.
“TIME’S U—”
Hyunjin stops mid-sentence and Sana freezes beside him.
You’re pinned against the shelves, hair messy, dress slightly crooked, and Changbin’s hand very clearly gripping your thigh, his other hand very obviously groping your ass.
The silence that follows is profound.
Then Hyunjin slowly leans his head into the doorway and shouts toward the living room—
“OH MY GOD THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT.”
The living room erupts instantly. Someone, probably Chan, starts clapping like a maniac.
Sana gasps dramatically and slaps both hands over her mouth, though her eyes are absolutely sparkling with satisfaction. “I KNEW IT,” she shrieks.
You’re still pinned against the pantry shelves. Changbin is still very close. Your lips are still parted from the last kiss. And for half a second neither of you move.
Then Changbin sighs, deeply inconvenienced that the moment got interrupted.
His forehead rests briefly against yours. “You okay?” he murmurs quietly.
You nod automatically, still slightly breathless.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” Then he turns his head toward the doorway where Hyunjin and Sana are still standing like two extremely nosy gargoyles. “Are you two done?” he asks flatly.
Hyunjin leans further into the doorway like he’s watching a movie. “No.”
Sana crosses her arms proudly. “I told you this would happen.”
“Please leave,” Changbin says.
“Absolutely not.”
You groan and try to hide your face against Changbin’s shoulder. “This is humiliating.”
Changbin looks back at you. Then looks at the increasingly crowded doorway. Then back at you. Something decisive flickers across his face. “Yeah,” he mutters. “We’re not doing this here.”
Before your brain can process what that means, his hands move. One arm slides firmly around your waist and the other grabs behind your knees. Then suddenly the world tilts.
You squeal. Because in one very confident motion Changbin lifts you off the ground and throws you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing.
“CHANGBIN—!” Your protest dissolves into chaos as he pushes past Hyunjin and Sana.
You’re very aware of two extremely important things right now. One: you are upside down over his shoulder. Two: your dress is very short.
Your hands immediately fly behind you to cover your ass. “OH MY GOD PUT ME DOWN!”
“No.”
“Changbin!”
“Relax.”
“You’re showing everyone my entire ass!”
He barrels through the living room like a man on a mission. People scatter out of the way. Changbin barely slows down, but halfway through the room he suddenly realizes something. Several guys glance over as he passes. Which means several guys are looking directly at you. Which means—
“Oh hell no.”
His hand immediately moves. He shifts you slightly higher over his shoulder and slaps his palm protectively over the back of your dress, covering your butt.
“Eyes forward!” he barks loudly at the room.
Someone laughs. “Changbin—”
“Look away from my girlfriend!”
Your hands pause where they’re still trying to tug your dress downward. Girlfriend??? Changbin continues marching toward the stairs like he didn’t just drop that word in front of half the fraternity.
Minho’s voice floats from the couch. “You're parading her around. Where are we suppose to look?”
“THAT’S NOT THE POINT.”
You’re still hanging over his shoulder. “Did you just call me your girlfriend?”
He takes the stairs two at a time. “Yes.”
You blink. “Since when?”
“Since about ten seconds ago.”
“That’s not how that works!”
“We kissed.”
“That’s not legally binding!”
“We made out.”
“That’s still not—”
He reaches the top of the stairs. “Hold that thought.” He walks down the hallway, doors on either side, then kicks his bedroom door open, finally setting you down.
The moment your feet hit the floor you whirl around to face him. “You cannot just declare me your girlfriend!”
He shuts the door behind you, locks it, then turns to you, confused. “Why not?”
“Because that’s insane!”
“You kissed me.”
“You kissed me!”
“You started it.”
“You called me baby!”
“You liked it.”
“That’s not the point!”
He watches you pace for about three seconds before pushing himself off the door. In two steps he closes the distance between you again. “You didn’t say no,” he says quietly.
Your brain trips again. “That’s not the argument.”
“You didn’t stop.”
“Because you were kissing me!”
“You kissed me harder.”
“That’s—”
“You grabbed my hair.”
Your face feels very warm.
Changbin’s mouth twitches. “Also,” he adds casually, “you were jealous earlier.”
“I was not jealous.”
“You were.”
“So were you. Outside. With Hyunjin.”
He steps closer again. “Yeah,” he continues softly, “I was.”
You squint at him. “You're a hypocrite.”
“Maybe.”
“You can't just call me your girlfriend like that.”
His grin returns. “Well,” he says. “We can discuss the details.”
Your stomach flips. “Changbin.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re insane.”
“You make me insane.”
His hand reaches out, settling gently against your waist again.
Your heart does that annoying flutter again. “You carried me upstairs like a caveman.”
“You didn’t seem to mind.” Changbin’s smile softens slightly.
Then he leans in.
The party’s bass thumps through the floorboards, a distant heartbeat that feels miles away now. Up here, in the quiet of his room, the only sound is your own breathing, ragged and syncopated with his. His lips are on yours again, his hands framing your face.
You break the kiss, pulling back just enough to see his eyes. They’re dark, intent, studying you with a focus that used to make your competitive blood boil during finals week. Now, it makes something else simmer low in your belly.
“So,” you say, your voice a little husky. “Your room is surprisingly clean for a frat house.”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “I have a system. Unlike your ‘organized chaos’ approach to note-taking.”
“My system works,” you counter, your fingers finding the hem of his shirt. “I beat your grade in our Developmental Psychology course.”
“By half a point,” he murmurs, letting you tug the fabric up. “And I let you.”
You laugh, a real, unfiltered sound. “You let me? Changbin, you practically had a meltdown when the grades were posted.”
He shrugs, pulling his shirt over his head, and then he’s just there. Bare-chested. The lights from the window stripe across his skin, and you see him. You’d felt the strength in the pantry, but now you’re looking at it. His shoulders are broad, solid, the kind that carry weight easily. His biceps are defined, flexing as he tosses the shirt aside, the muscle rolling under smooth skin. His pecs are firm, a masculine plane that your eyes want to map. His abs aren’t washboard, but they’re there, a taut landscape you can imagine the heat of.
He looks at you like he’s never seen a naked woman before. His gaze travels down your own body—you’ve already shed your dress and underwear at this point—and lingers on the swell of your breasts, the curve of your waist
It’s not a leer. It’s reverence. It’s hunger.
“You’re staring again,” you whisper.
“Hell yeah I am,” he responds, his tone low and serious. “I’m allowed to stare at my girlfriend.”
You snort and step closer, your own hands settling on his waist. His skin is warm, alive. You feel the hard muscle beneath, the latent power in his frame. “Then let me stare at my boyfriend,” you say, and your eyes drift lower. He grins at your acceptance.
His jeans are unbuttoned next, and he helps you by kicking them off along with his socks. He stands before you completely naked. And he’s hung.
The word flits through your mind, clinical and then instantly molten. It’s a pretty cock, really. Thick, with a gentle curve, fully erect and standing proud against his stomach. The sight makes your mouth go dry, your own pulse thrumming between your legs.
“Holy shit,” you say, your voice breathy. You reach out, letting your fingertips trace the hot, silken skin from his hip down to the base of his shaft. He shivers, a full-body tremor.
He catches your hand, brings your palm flat against his chest, over his heart. It’s pounding. “You make me nervous,” he admits, the confession stark in the quiet room.
“You’re perfect,” you assure him. You lean in, kissing his collarbone, tasting salt and skin. “Just stop thinking.”
You guide him backwards until his knees hit the bed, and he sits down. You stand over him, looking down at his beautiful, exposed body. The power dynamic has shifted. You’re in charge now, and the look in his eyes—submissive, eager, utterly trusting—makes you feel powerful in a way grades never could.
You climb onto the bed, straddling his lap, but not letting him inside yet. Your knees bracket his hips, and you lean forward, your breasts pressing against his chest. You kiss him again, deep and slow, your tongue exploring his mouth. His hands come up to cradle your back, then drift down to your ass, gripping you with a possessiveness that surprises you.
“I wanted this,” he murmurs against your lips, “for so long. Even when I was arguing with you about cognition and shit.”
“You just wanted to win,” you tease, grinding your hips down against his erection. The contact is electric for both of you. You feel him jump against your core, and a sharp, sweet ache blossoms inside you.
“I wanted you,” he insists. His hands move to your thighs, urging you up slightly. “I wanted to see that fire in your eyes directed at me. Like this.”
You rise up on your knees, positioning yourself. You’re both slick, ready. You take his cock in your hand, guiding it, feeling its weight and heat. You look him in the eye. “No more arguing.”
“No more arguing,” he agrees, his voice strained.
You sink down.
You take him inside you in one smooth, decisive motion, and the fullness is immediate, shocking, perfect. He fills you completely, stretching you in a way that makes your vision blur for a second. A choked gasp escapes your throat, and beneath you, Changbin groans, a raw, unfiltered sound of pleasure.
“Fuck,” he breathes, his hands flying to your hips to steady you, to hold you there. “You’re…God, you’re so tight.”
You’re motionless for a moment, both of you suspended in the sensation. You feel every inch of him, the pulse of his blood, the subtle twitch of his muscle.
Then you begin to move.
You rock your hips, a slow, experimental roll. The friction is exquisite, a building heat that coils tight in your core. His fingers dig into your skin, urging you on. You find a rhythm, up and down, each descent a delicious shock of penetration, each ascent a tantalizing withdrawal.
His head falls back, his eyes closed. “You feel unbelievable,” he murmurs. “Better than winning.”
You smile, a wicked, triumphant smile. “I am winning.”
You lean forward, changing the angle, and his cock hits a new, deeper spot inside you. A sharp cry punches out of you, and your rhythm falters, becomes frantic. He responds, his hips rising off the bed to meet your thrusts, to drive himself deeper.
The careful control evaporates. It’s just sensation now, a feedback loop of pleasure. His hands roam your body—your breasts, your nipples which harden under his touch, your back, your ass. Every touch fuels the fire.
You’re panting, sweat glistening on both your bodies. The distant music is gone, replaced by the sound of skin sliding against skin, of wet, intimate friction, of your mingled breaths and soft, urgent moans.
“Changbin,” you gasp, your voice breaking. “I–I’m close.”
“Look at me,” he commands, his own voice thick.
You force your eyes open. His gaze is locked on you, fierce, possessive. The academic rival is gone. This is a man seeing the woman he desires completely undone by him.
It’s that look that sends you over.
The orgasm builds like a wave, cresting from that deep, touched spot he’s now hammering relentlessly. It crashes through you, a detonation of pure, white-hot pleasure. Your body convulses around him, clamping down on his cock, and you cry out, a loud, unashamed sound that the room absorbs. “Oh fuck, yes!”
Your climax triggers his. His hips piston upwards, driving into you through your contracting muscles, and he shouts, a guttural, victorious roar. “Shit! Oh my God, baby.”
You feel him swell, pulse, and then the hot rush of his release filling you. He holds you tightly against him, his entire body shaking with the force of it.
For long moments, you stay like that, joined, trembling in the aftershocks. The world slowly filters back in—the bass from downstairs, the cool air on your sweat-sheened skin, the heavy scent of sex.
You finally slump against his chest, your head nestled in the hollow of his shoulder. His arms wrap around you, holding you close. His breathing is still ragged.
“Half a point,” he whispers into your hair, his voice drowsy and satisfied.
You laugh, a weak, breathy thing. “Still arguing?”
“Just establishing the record,” he says. His hand strokes your back.
Your lungs are still working to find a steady rhythm, your heart hammering against his chest where you’ve collapsed. Changbin’s arms are wrapped around you, a warm, solid cage. His breath is a warm gust against your temple. The world is soft and hazy, your body humming with a deep, satisfied ache.
You feel him still inside you, a gentle, fading pulse. The connection is intimate, profound. You don’t want to move. But then, you feel him move.
A low chuckle vibrates through his chest. “I think…” he murmurs, his voice still thick with pleasure, “I think I need a more thorough examination.”
His hands, which had been resting gently on your back, suddenly become firm. He shifts, and before you can process it, he’s rolling you with a decisive strength that leaves you breathless. You’re flipped onto your back on the mattress, the cool sheets a shock against your heated skin. He follows the motion, his body separating from yours with a soft, wet sound that makes you blush.
He’s above you now, propped on his elbows, looking down at you with that same reverent, hungry gaze. The post-coital softness in his eyes is already sharpening into something new, something intent.
“I think,” he begins, a smirk playing on his lips, “that I need to study this pretty body some more”
You laugh, a little shaky. “Is that your way of saying you’re not done?”
“I’m saying,” he says, lowering himself so his chest brushes yours, “that I’m gonna eat that little pussy until you’re begging me to stop.” His lips find your neck, a slow, open-mouthed kiss that sends a fresh shiver down your spine.
His mouth begins a slow, deliberate journey. He kisses your collarbone, the hollow of your throat, the slope of your shoulder. Each kiss is soft, but purposeful. His hands are mapping your body. They skim over your ribs, your waist, the outer curve of your hip.
His lips move lower, tracing the line between your breasts. He nuzzles there, his breath hot. “You argued so well in PSY 301,” he whispers, his voice a tactile murmur against your skin. “All that fire. I wanted to know what it felt like beneath me.”
He closes his mouth over one nipple.
The sensation is electric, direct. It’s not just the suction, the gentle pull. It’s the context. This is Changbin, your rival, the guy whose competitive glare you’ve stared down across lecture halls. Now his focus is entirely, devastatingly, on your pleasure. He suckles, his tongue circling the hardening peak, and a moan escapes you, high and helpless.
He switches to the other breast, giving it the same attentive worship. His hand comes up to cradle the first, his thumb stroking the wet, sensitized skin he just left. You arch into him, your hands finding his hair, fingers threading through the soft strands. You tug lightly, and he groans against your flesh, the vibration adding another layer of sensation.
“You’re so thorough,” you pant.
“I’m a perfectionist,” he replies, his mouth releasing you with a soft pop. He looks up, his eyes glinting. “You know that.”
He continues his descent. His lips and tongue chart a course down your sternum, over the smooth plane of your stomach. He pauses at your belly button, dipping his tongue inside for a fleeting, ticklish moment that makes you gasp and squirm.
“Ticklish?” he asks, grinning.
“Shut up,” you retort, trying to keep your voice steady even as your body is trembling under his systematic exploration.
“Noting that for later,” he says, his tone mock-serious.
His hands slide down your thighs, spreading them gently. He settles between your legs, his broad shoulders framing your view. He’s looking at you, at the heart of you, with an expression of pure, focused awe. It’s disarming. And exhilarating.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he says, the words simple, stark, and utterly believable.
He doesn’t dive in. He approaches. He kisses the inside of one thigh, high up, near the crease of your hip. His lips are soft, his breath warm. He does the same to the other thigh. The anticipation is a tight coil in your belly, winding tighter with every second of his deliberate delay.
Then he leans in, and his mouth finds you.
The first touch is not his tongue, but the soft pressure of his lips against your outer folds. A kiss. A tender, almost chaste kiss that is somehow more intimate than anything before. You cry out, a short, sharp sound.
He kisses you again. And again. Slowly, softly, building a rhythm that makes your hips lift off the bed, seeking more.
You can hear the unmistakable sound of his mouth exploring your wet cavern, still flooded with his thick cum.
His tongue emerges, a hot, wet point that traces a slow, languid path from bottom to top. It’s a sweeping examination, broad and gentle. You feel every millimeter of the contact, the silken-rough texture of his tongue against your most sensitive skin. He repeats the motion, slower, applying a little more pressure.
“Changbin,” you breathe, your head thrashing back into the pillow.
“Shhh,” he murmurs, his voice muffled against you. “I got you, baby.”
He focuses. His tongue finds your clit and circles it, a slow, perfect orbit, strings of both your releases sticking to his pump lips. The pressure is exquisite, building a steady, mounting pulse of pleasure that radiates out through your entire lower body. He doesn’t rush. He varies the speed, the pressure, occasionally flattening his tongue to lick broad strokes that make your toes curl.
One of his hands comes up to rest on your lower stomach, a warm, heavy weight that anchors you. The other hand joins the work, his fingers sliding gently, so gently, inside you. You’re so slick, open, and his two fingers penetrate easily, a slow, curling invasion that matches the rhythm of his tongue.
The dual sensation is overwhelming. The internal pressure of his fingers, curling and searching, and the external, precise focus of his mouth. He finds a rhythm, his fingers moving in a slow, corkscrew motion inside you while his tongue flicks and presses against your clit. The pleasure is no longer a wave; it’s a plateau, a high, steady plane you’re suspended on, and he’s keeping you there, deliberately, expertly.
Your hands are fists in the sheets. Your back is arched. Sounds are coming from you—whimpers, moans, fragmented words. “Don’t…stop…please…”
He doesn’t. He listens. He learns. He adjusts the angle of his fingers, and suddenly they’re brushing a spot that makes your entire body jolt, a bright, sharp spark of electricity in the constant glow. He catches it, and he targets it, his fingers rubbing that spot in a firm, circular pattern while his tongue’s pace quickens, becoming more insistent.
You’re babbling. “Right there…there…Bin, fuck…”
His only response is a low, approving hum that vibrates through your core.
The plateau begins to tilt. The steady pleasure sharpens, focuses into a single, burning point. It’s growing, consuming. Your muscles are taut, your breathing is ragged gasps. You’re hovering on the precipice, and he’s holding you there, teetering, with the perfect, unrelenting combination of his mouth and his hand.
“I’m…I can’t…” you choke out.
He pulls his fingers out, slowly, and the sudden emptiness is a shock. But his mouth doesn’t stop. His tongue becomes more aggressive, faster, a relentless, pinpoint stimulation. He slips one finger back inside, just one, and presses directly on that magical spot while his tongue dances over your clit.
The orgasm doesn’t crash. It unfolds. It blossoms from that deep, internal point and spreads outward in a slow, inexorable wave, radiating through your pelvis, your stomach, down your legs, up your spine. It’s a full-body dissolution. You don’t scream; you release a long, shuddering sigh, your body melting into the bed as the pleasure washes through you, wave after wave, each one triggered by his unceasing, devoted attention.
He gentles his touch as you peak, his tongue softening to gentle laps, his finger still inside you, a steady, comforting presence. He lets you ride the sensation down, until you’re just a trembling, boneless heap on the sheets.
He finally lifts his head. His lips are glistening, his eyes are dark with satisfaction and something else—a deep, possessive pride. He crawls up your body, kissing your stomach, your breasts, your neck, as he moves. He settles beside you, propped on his side, looking at your flushed, spent face.
“Conclusion,” he says, his voice rough but smug. “You loved that.”
You can only manage a weak, breathy laugh. Your body feels like liquid gold. “I guess you do know how to use that mouth for good.”
“I’m very thorough,” he teases, his hand stroking your hip. “Gotta get top marks.”
You giggle, turning your head to look at him. His cock, which had softened, is hard again, thick and impressive against his thigh. The sight sends a fresh, low thrum of desire through your exhausted system. “Round two?”
He groans, leaning closer. “I think I’m in love.”
You squeak before he kisses you. His body rolls over you, his weight settling between your legs again. This time, there’s no slow movements. There’s intent. He’s hard again, fully, and the tip of his cock presses against your entrance, which is swollen, sensitive, and utterly ready for him.
You wrap your legs around his waist, urging him. He sinks into you.
It’s different this time. The joining is smoother, deeper, because you’re both so needy, so wet. There’s no shock of newness, only a profound, familiar fullness. He fills you completely, and you moan, a low, satisfied sound.
He doesn’t start pounding immediately. He begins with slow, deep strokes, each one a long, drawn-out glide that reaches the deepest parts of you. His arms are braced on either side of your head, his body caging you. He’s looking down at you, his eyes capturing every twitch of your face, every gasp.
“You feel so good,” he murmurs, his voice strained with the effort of his control.
You can only nod, your hands clutching his biceps, feeling the muscles work as he moves. The rhythm is agonizingly perfect. Each thrust is a slow build, a retreat that makes you ache, and a return that floods you with heat. The friction is a constant, sweet burn, building on the lingering echoes of your first climax.
He changes angle slightly, and the head of his cock brushes that same deep spot his fingers found. A sharp, bright pleasure arcs through you. “There,” you gasp.
He focuses on it. His thrusts become more targeted, shorter, but harder, driving into that spot with a precision that makes your vision blur. The slow burn turns into a fire. Your moans become constant, a low, pleading soundtrack to his movements.
“Tell me,” he grunts, his control slipping. His pace is increasing. “Tell me what you feel.”
“Full,” you pant. “Hot…so deep…Changbin, please…”
“Please what?” he asks, driving into you, his body starting to sweat.
“Don’t stop,” you beg, your own hips rising to meet him, the rhythm becoming frantic, syncopated. “Just…more.”
He gives you more. His hands slide under your ass, lifting you, changing the angle again. The penetration becomes even deeper, even more intense. The sound of skin slapping fills the room, wet and urgent. He’s losing his controlled rhythm, giving in to the raw need. His thrusts are powerful, almost punishing, but each one sends a bolt of pure pleasure straight to your core.
You’re climbing again. The second peak is rising faster, fueled by the first, by his relentless focus, by the sheer, overwhelming presence of him inside you. Your nails dig into his shoulders. Your cries are incoherent.
He sees it in your face. His own eyes are wild, his breath coming in ragged bursts. “Come for me,” he commands, his voice a rough growl. “Come for me again, pretty.”
Your second orgasm hits, not with a slow bloom, but with a sudden, violent detonation. It claws its way up from your depths and erupts, a convulsive, shaking wave that locks your body around him. You scream, a raw, unfiltered sound that he swallows with a fierce kiss.
His own control shatters. Your contraction around him triggers his release. He drives into you one last, deep, grinding time, and holds there, buried fully. You feel him swell, pulse, and another hot rush floods inside you. He shouts, a guttural, triumphant sound against your mouth, his whole body shuddering as he empties himself into you.
He collapses onto you, his weight a heavy, welcome burden. You’re both trembling, slick, fused together. He nuzzles your neck, his breath hot and fast. “Thank you Spin the Bottle,” he mumbles, his voice thick with exhaustion and triumph.
˗ˏˋ even though the heiress of the royal family is expected to find a suitor the only thing on her mind is her hot sworn knight ˎˊ˗
⤷ contains : knight! bang chan x fem! princess! reader, medieval au, slight age gap, female and male masturbation, virginity loss, smutty ;) [ wc : 6.2k ]
⤷ now playing : the first time by damiano david
The ballroom shimmered in a whirl of gold and purple, where nobles glided across the marble floor in cascades of silk and velvet. Laughter mingled with the faint echo of violins as chandeliers dripped light over jewels and powdered faces. The scent of roasted pheasant and spiced wine lingered in the air after the grand feast held to honor the king and queen of the Velaria kingdom on their wedding anniversary, a union once forged for diplomacy, yet remembered now as the cornerstone of decades of peace.
Under their miraculous reign, the land prospered—no wars, fertile fields, flourishing trade. The people adored my parents and, to my fortune, me as well. But as my twenty-second spring approached, admiration began to twist into expectation.
Whispers grew louder with every passing season—when would the princess of Velaria finally choose a suitor? My parents, gracious as they were, did not press me into marriage. There were no treaties to seal, no bloodlines to mend, no desperate need for alliances. Yet the court—restless, gossipy, hungry for spectacle—counted the days as if my heart’s decision were a royal decree waiting to be signed.
Tonight was no different. As another nameless young lord murmured empty flattery at my ear, I slipped quietly away, leaving the laughter and candlelight behind. The music faded to a distant hum as I wandered through the quieter halls of the castle, where torchlight flickered across stone and the air still smelled faintly of lavender.
When, a sound, soft and breathless, broke the stillness. In the shadow of an alcove, a couple was entangled in a secret embrace. The woman’s jeweled hairpin glinted as she leaned into her lover’s arms, until the moment he noticed me watching. With a startled grunt, he shoved her back, his face blanching.
Lady Alyna merely sighed, annoyed, and cast me a knowing glance. “That’s just my cousin, you fool,” she scolded the man with airy disdain. “She knows about us. Go back to the ball before someone who doesn’t finds you.”
With a huff, she smoothed her gown and looped her arm through mine as though nothing had happened.
“Someone is going to catch you two one of these days,” I murmured, keeping my voice low. Only the faint howl of the hounds beyond the open window bore witness to our conversation.
“Let them,” a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “My husband keeps a mistress of his own. We all play our parts in the court, dear cousin.”
“And people still say that marriage is a respectable union.” I mumbled, getting her to giggle under her breath.
She led me down the corridor toward the guest chambers she was occupying. As we entered, she turned to me with that same teasing grin that always seemed to promise trouble. “Lord Damian couldn’t take his eyes off you tonight.”
I nudged her shoulder and dropped into the cushioned seat beside the window, the winds of winter slipping chill and crisp against my skin. “I don’t like him,” I said, allowing a smirk to tug at my lips. “He’s an arrogant boy who thinks I should be grateful to breathe the same air he does simply because he owns half the southeastern lands.”
“So you did your homework.” Alyna stretched across the bed, her laughter lilting and light. “Indeed he is a bit insufferable,” she conceded, “but you’re always so sure about the ones you dislike. The way you talk, it almost sounds as though someone has already won your heart.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks before I could stop it. I opened my mouth to deny it, to conjure some witty retort, but no words came. Only a frustrated sigh escaped me as I turned toward the window, pouting like a scolded child.
“Oh, don’t sulk,” Alyna said, her tone softening, eyes gleaming with curiosity. “Tell me—who is this lucky man who’s managed to make the princess of Velaria lose her composure and reject every lord she ever met?”
I hesitated. My voice came barely above a whisper. “... Christopher.”
Her brows knit in confusion. “Christopher? I don’t recall any lord by that name.” Then her eyes widened, a wicked teasing grin spreading across her face. “Oh. Oh! Perhaps you mean your Sir Christopher?”
Sir Christopher had been my sworn knight since my eighteenth birthday, when old Sir Barristan—faithful and kind as a second father—had taken ill and retired from service. For years, Barristan had guarded me with steady devotion, teaching me the small graces of courage and restraint, his eyes ever gentle and familial. But when Christopher took his place, everything changed.
He was younger, stronger, his frame carved like the statues that stood in the Hall of Velaria, broad-shouldered and steady as oak. His voice carried that quiet gravity of command, and when he looked at me—gods, when he looked at me—it felt as if the world stilled for half a breath. He was perhaps six years my elder, just enough to make him impossibly unreachable and far too handsome for my peace of mind.
I told myself he was only a protector. A knight sworn to his oath. Yet whenever he brushed my arm in passing, or offered his hand as I dismounted my mare, the thought of him lingered long into the night and my mind wandered into my own dreams of living a chivalric romance.
Alyna laughed softly, breaking my reverie. “Ah, so that’s the storm in your head,” she teased. “Fair enough, cousin. I understand your struggle. He’s a man worthy of many sighs. But be warned—you’re hardly the only one enchanted by him. Half the ladies of court have already spun dreams of Sir Christopher, even the maids bat their lashes when he walks by. Tell me, dear Princess, would you even know what to do with a man like that?”
“Stop it.” I buried my burning face against a velvet cushion, clutching it to my chest as if it could smother both her laughter and my own flustered thoughts.
“Where are your manners, cousin?” Alyna laughed, still amused. “Don't fret, I have just the thing for you.”
She rummaged through one of her travel chests until she produced a small leather-bound book, its cover a deep, sultry red. No gilded title, no intricate embossing—only smooth, aged leather that seemed to hum with secrets.
“What’s this?” I asked, hesitating as I took it.
“Education,” she said slyly, eyes sparkling with mischief.
I mindlessly flipped through the yellowed pages and stopped cold at an illustration—a man, bare as the dawn, reclining upon a stone with a lyre in hand, his body shamelessly drawn in vivid detail, especially his stiff member that rested on his stomach like a sword. Hidden behind the painted trees, a nymph peeked out, her expression one of unholy curiosity.
My face flamed hot enough to rival the hearth. I snapped the book shut, holding it as though it might burn me. Alyna only burst into laughter, her voice echoing through the room.
“You’ve never seen one before?” she gasped between giggles. I shook my head mutely.
“Oh, you innocent creature,” she teased. “Take it to your room, then. Keep it hidden, mind you—no one must find it. But read it, learn from it. You’re clever enough to understand more than words can teach. And most of all—enjoy yourself. Curiosity is nothing to be ashamed of.”
I could hardly meet her gaze. My heart drummed so fast it seemed to flutter in my throat. Mumbling something unintelligible, I clutched the little red book and hurried out before her laughter faded into the night.
The corridors were dim, the air heavy with the scent of melted wax. My slippered feet brushed against the cool stone floors as I made my way toward my chambers, head spinning from the wine and Alyna’s wicked words.
Until my shoulder struck something firm, and I stumbled back, barely catching my balance. Two strong hands steadied me, their touch gentle yet unyielding. I looked up—straight into Christopher’s eyes.
Moonlight through the high window carved silver along his jaw and the edges of his armor. Concern flickered there, tender and sharp all at once.
“Are you hurt, Princess?” His voice was low, careful, as though the night itself might overhear. “Forgive me—I didn’t know it was you. I thought you’d already retired.”
“I was… speaking with Lady Alyna,” I managed, my words clumsy, my breath caught somewhere between embarrassment and awe.
He nodded, and his gaze dropped briefly to the floor, where the red book had fallen open.
My stomach lurched. Before he could even bend to retrieve it, I darted down and snatched it up, pressing it tightly to my chest.
He blinked, puzzled, a faint smile curving his mouth. “Another romance?” he asked, his tone light, teasing. “Will you read it to me, as you did the last one?”
“Maybe,” I said quickly, clutching it tighter still. “But only after I’ve finished it.”
He chuckled softly, and the sound was warm enough to melt through my nerves. “Then I’ll be waiting. Sleep well, Princess.”
He bowed slightly, his eyes lingering for one heartbeat longer than courtesy demanded, before turning down the corridor and vanishing into shadow. And I stood there alone, the echo of his footsteps fading, the little red book heavy in my arms like a secret I could never confess.
—
Days began to blur together beneath the hush of candlelight and ink. Each night I returned to that little red book like a sinner to confession—its pages heavy with secrets, its words tasting of honey and sin. One tale became two, then ten, until I knew every verse by heart. The stories grew roots inside me, twining through thought and breath alike, until even the gentle turn of parchment set my pulse racing.
It was becoming an addiction, those forbidden words adorned with images that painted my imagination in shades of heat and gold. I had read of knights and their ladies before, of gallantry and virtue, yet never had I seen passion rendered with such raw beauty, such perilous truth.
And now, when I looked upon my knight, I could no longer see him as I had before.
Sir Christopher—ever patient and kind. His smile came easily, his laughter softer than any man-at-arms I’d known. Yet now each time he took my hand to guide me down the stairway, each time he lifted me to my saddle or brushed a loose strand of hair from my shoulder, I felt those stories stirring to life beneath my skin. When the moonlight spilled across my sheets at night, I remembered every page I’d turned, every sin I’d dared to imagine—until my own sighs drowned in the silence of my room.
Every other afternoon I found an excuse to linger on the castle terrace that overlooked the training yard. Below, the clamor of steel on steel echoed like a song of past wars. The knights moved as one—blades flashing, boots grinding dust—but my eyes sought only him.
Christopher fought with the precision of a hawk, sharp and fluid, his dark hair plastered to his brow, the white of his shirt clinging to his chest. He laughed with his comrades after each bout, sweat tracing the strong lines of his throat. I should have turned away, but my gaze clung into him like ivy.
A maid passed nearby, a girl known for her charms and lack of subtlety. She carried a basket of linen, her bodice straining at the seams, and when she saw him she let out a teasing whistle.
“Getting sweaty again, Sir Christopher,” she called, voice lilting. “You’re giving me too much work with those shirts. Train without one next time, spare me the trouble!”
He chuckled, bashful and kind as ever, shaking his head as the others laughed, but something inside me burned.
Not the soft warmth I’d felt reading Alyna’s book, but a sharp, jealous fire—hot and merciless. It coiled in my chest, in my fingertips, even in the quickening of my breath. Before I realized what I was doing, I was walking down the steps into the training yard, the hem of my gown catching all kinds of dust and mud.
He was bent over a water barrel when I reached him, scooping a handful to his face, droplets slipping down his neck, catching the light before vanishing into the linen clinging to his chest. He straightened when he saw me, surprised.
“Your Highness,” he said with a quick bow, still breathless from the exertion.
I looked at the sword at his hip, the steel glinting faintly in the sun, and before thought could temper me, the words slipped out. “May I… touch it?”
His brows raised and knit in confusion. “The sword, Princess?” he asked, half-smiling. “It’s far too heavy for you. You might hurt yourself.”
“Can’t you help me hold it?” My voice betrayed me, softer than I intended.
A faint blush touched his cheek. “I don’t think I should get too close,” he murmured, glancing down at his sweat-soaked shirt.
“Please,” I said. Just one word, quiet, trembling.
He hesitated, only for a breath, then drew the blade and placed it in my hands.
The weight startled me. My fingers barely fit around the hilt, and before I could adjust, he stepped behind me, his arms encircling mine, large hands folding over my own. The scent of iron and his damp skin filled the space between us.
“Like this,” he said near my ear, guiding my wrists in a smooth arc through the air. The blade gleamed as it turned, and his chest pressed faintly to my back with each movement. His breath brushed my neck, slow and steady.
My heartbeat roared. Every muscle in my body was aware of his—the warmth of him, the steadiness, the strength. And then, in one fragile instant, I felt something else—firm, undeniable, the shape of a man standing too close.
I froze. He did too.
His grip faltered. The sword dipped slightly in my grasp. Silence fell heavy between us, broken only by the faint murmur of the wind and my own unsteady breath.
“I think…” he said at last, voice rougher than before, “that’s enough for today.”
He took the sword gently from my hands, careful not to meet my eyes, and turned away so quickly I might have imagined it. “Forgive me, Princess. I have duties to attend.”
Before I could speak, he was already walking toward the armory, his steps quick, the line of his shoulders tense. There I stood, alone in the yard, my pulse still racing, the cold sun pressing against my skin. The faint imprint of his hands lingered around mine—ghostly, electric. But beneath the calm facade I forced upon myself, a new, dangerous fire smoldered low within me, hotter and more alive than any dream could conjure.
—
Christopher sat alone in the washroom as most of the castle had gone still in supper time. The torches in the corridor outside hissed and guttered, throwing restless light across the floor. He removed his tunic, throwing it on a basket, damp with sweat from the day’s training, carrying the faint scent of dust and steel.
He ran a hand through his hair, the gesture sharp, almost angry, while he ran a bath before the shifts changed and he would stand his post through the night on the princess’ door. It should have been nothing. He’d trained noble's daughters before—taught them the grip, the stance, the balance. But never her. Not when she looked at him with those wide, uncertain eyes that seemed to see through every wall of restraint he’d built since swearing his oath.
“Fool,” he muttered under his breath. His own voice startled him. “Utter fool.”
He leaned forward, washing the tight knots of tension from his shoulder with warm water while staring at the narrow window where the moonlight pooled like silver milk on the stone. The night air carried the faint scent of lavender from the gardens around. It should have calmed him, instead it brought her to mind again—her perfume, that hint of sweetness when she leaned closer.
It was making him lose his mind, even though he could not allow himself to get distracted. He tried to focus on the higher results of his oath—protecting the royal family, securing the safety of the princess herself—what higher honor could exist? But she wasn't a shy eighteen years old girl anymore, without him even noticing the princess grew into a beautiful and kind young woman. With a smile that enchanted the entire kingdom, her grace made even the toughest knight get flustered behind his helmet, and he was doubting his own self control
He rose from the bath, wrapping a towel loosely about his waist, droplets still tracing the lines of his chest. For a moment he simply stood there, watching the moonlight slide across his armor, its cold silver gleam a reminder of everything he was supposed to be. A protector. A shield. Nothing more.
He sat lazily on a chair, muscles still damp, and stared up at the ceiling. Yet the darkness only made the images sharper—the way her breath had caught when he stood behind her, the slight tremor on her shoulders, the quiet gasp when she felt him growing behind her.
A slow, consuming warmth spread through him, the same fire that came every night now, as unstoppable as tide against stone. He pressed the heel of his palm against his brow, trying to wield it away, to think of anything but her voice, her scent, her touch. But the body is a creature that does not obey vows, as his palm was already wrapped around his throbbing length. Just once, he kept repeating inside, just this time, but with every thoughtful stroke, every sloppy movement of his hips, his hand gripped tighter, moved faster, when at last a broken moan quietly escaped his lips.
His chest rose erratically, sticky hands resting shamefully on his thigh. When at last he rose, the air felt colder against his skin. He washed himself again, dressed, and buckled on his armor piece by piece until every trace of weakness was hidden beneath iron and leather.
Yet as he walked the moonlit corridors toward her door, the echo of that forbidden heat lingered in him still, a pulse that refused to fade. He took his place outside her chamber, sword at his hip, eyes fixed on the dark hallway ahead. But the scent of lavender drifted from beneath her door, sweet and faint as memory, and he wondered how long he could endure guarding what his heart had already begun to betray.
—
The late winter air was crisp still, but few flowers were already getting ready to bloom. Lanterns hung warmly from wrought-iron hooks, their faint glow gilding the hedges and fountains in amber. Crickets trilled among the grass, and beyond the stone archway the castle slept, its towers lost in mist.
Caught in another sleepless night, where not even the strongest lavender scent could lure me into slumber. I then decided to take a walk in the gardens accompanied by Sir Christopher, after he thoroughly convinced me he ought to escort me. We walked along the narrow gravel path, our steps soft and uncertain. The wine from dinner still warmed my blood, but the quiet between us felt thicker than usual—full of something unspoken.
At last I broke it. “Have you ever…” My voice faltered, and I caught my breath before finishing. “Have you ever kissed a lady, Sir Christopher?”
He slowed, turning his head toward me, moonlight painting silver along the line of his jaw. “Like in your chivalric romances, Your Highness?” A faint smile ghosted across his lips. “Yes. A few times.”
My heart gave a strange flutter. “And have you ever…” I hesitated again, eyes fixed on the path ahead. “Been intimate with a lady before?”
He stopped. The night held its breath. “I beg your pardon?” His tone was polite, but his confusion was palpable. “As in—” He rubbed the back of his neck, voice dropping low. “Forgive me, Princess, I don’t think I quite follow. Where—how did you come to ask me such a thing?”
I looked away quickly, the heat in my cheeks betraying me. “Forget about it.”
But he took a step closer, his brow furrowing. “Is it from that book you carry everywhere now? The one I see you reading in the gardens, even during lessons? Where did you find it?”
“Nowhere,” I said too quickly, “it's none of your concern.”
“It is when it’s kept a secret.” His voice softened, a bit stern in tone, but still touched with concern. “You still haven’t told me what it’s about. Did someone give it to you?”
“Lady Alyna did.”
He groaned quietly, a bit of amusement and dread. “Lady Alyna—oh, by the gods.” He dragged a hand across his face, then muttered, “I can already imagine what kind of tales are bound between those covers.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, fingers twisting in the fabric of my gown. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I was only… curious.”
He exhaled slowly, as though steadying himself, a moment passed in silence before he finally said something. “Yes,” his voice came low and quiet, “I have been with women… before I took my oath.”
The admission hung between us, raw and simple. Women. The garden seemed to grow smaller around us. I swallowed hard, trying to bury down the envy that grew inside my chest. “How does it feel?”
His gaze darted to mine, then away again. “Princess…” he began, voice low and strained, “I really shouldn’t be having this conversation with you.” He stepped back, the gravel crunching beneath his boot. “When I swore my vow as your knight, I promised not only to protect you from harm, but to preserve your honor until a man worthy of you claims your hand.”
I tried to smile, though my heart pounded. “Will you tell my mother about this conversation?”
That drew a short laugh from him, breathless and helpless. “If I did, I’d lose my post before sunrise. And neither of us wants that, do we?” I shook my head, the smallest smile tugging at my lips.
He studied me for a long moment, his expression softening, then said quietly, “If you truly wish to know… imagine the moment a horse leaps a fence, and for a heartbeat you’re weightless—the world beneath you falls away, your stomach twists, and then you land again, full of adrenaline, out of breath. That… that’s what it feels like.”
I stood still, the air trembling between us. “It sounds… exciting.”
“It is,” he whispered, taking a step closer to me. Then, after a heartbeat “but dangerous too.”
The spell broke as a bell tolled faintly from the distant courtyard. He glanced toward the castle, his composure snapping back like armor sliding into place. “We must go back, Princess. It’s late.”
I nodded, though my feet felt heavy with reluctance. As we walked, the night pressed close around us, fragrant with lavender and secrets. Neither of us spoke again—but in the hush that followed, I could feel his restraint like a living thing, and beneath it, something even stronger that neither of us dared to name.
—
Like a breath of fresh air, spring began and with every passing day the world seemed to stir from slumber—buds unfurling, birds returning, sunlight lingering longer on the stone towers. Yet within me, the slow turning of seasons only made the ache more unbearable. What had begun as quiet admiration had grown into a fever that no prayer nor confession could quell. It climbed through me like ivy, delicate yet relentless, its roots sinking deeper with every glance and brush of his hand.
That morning dawned chill, the air still carrying winter’s last breath. Dew silvered the grass, and the first flowers trembled awake beneath it. But inside me, there was only heat—an unholy warmth coiling low, a hunger that left my skin flushed and my pulse too loud to ignore. The mirror betrayed me, my cheeks were pink, brow beaded with fine drops of sweat, fevered gaze glossing my eyes.
I needed the open air, the cool kiss of running water. Away from the castle, away from him, and from all the thoughts that made me burn.
I slipped quietly through the halls, hidden beneath the hood of my cloak, passing unnoticed through the guard post as the shifts changed. Sir Christopher should be elsewhere—training, perhaps, or tending to his reports. Finally my bare feet found the forest path, I could feel the grass between my toes, and something inside me broke loose. I ran, laughing softly to myself, through the veil of trees where no one called me princess or your highness, where I was no one but a girl set free for a single heartbeat of her life.
The stream waited at the edge of the woods, its voice gentle and cool. I stepped in, the chill biting at my skin, the mud curling lovingly between my toes. But even as the water lapped at my ankles, the fever within refused to fade. I shed my outer dress and waded deeper, the white of my chemise clinging to me like mist. The current curled around me, soothing and relentless, as I lowered myself onto the smooth rocks and let the stream flow over my shoulders.
The cold dulled my thoughts—but only for a breath. Soon, memory returned like a pulse under the skin. His face. His hands. The way his eyes softened when he looked at me, how his voice gentled when he said my name. Every moment became a spark against the rawness of my body. My fingers betrayed me, traveling all the way down my thighs, tracing small circles on my needy core, chasing that sweet ache that had haunted me every night.
“Christopher…” I breathed his name, not knowing if it was prayer or curse. My hips shifted, my legs trembled, the water rippled around me. The world spun as the sky above darkened to violet, my pulse loud as thunder in my ears—
“Your Highness!”
The voice struck through my reverie like lightning. I blinked, dazed, the world tilting in slow motion. A shadow loomed at the edge of the trees. Sir Christopher was there, his white horse pawing the grass behind him, his face a mixture of relief and horror.
“What are you doing out here at this hour?” he demanded, vaulting off his horse. His boots splashed through the stream as he came toward me. “And dressed like this?”
I looked down and realized the soaked silk clinging to every curve of me, the pale fabric turned to near transparency in the sunlight. He turned his face sharply aside, jaw tight, his ears flushed crimson. “By the gods, Princess—everyone is searching for you. Have you lost your senses?”
“I—I only needed air…” I managed, but the world was already dimming again, the trees melting into shadow. My knees buckled beneath me and the last thing I felt was the strength of his arms catching me before I hit the ground.
The rest came in fragments. The rhythm of hooves on the dirt road. The heavy thud of his heartbeat against my ear as he carried me. The warmth of his cloak wrapped around me, smelling of steel and pine.
Voices rose and fell when he brought me inside—my mother’s fretful tones, the stern murmur of the physician, the flutter of maids stripping away my drenched clothes and piling furs over me. The fever made the world swim in colors and whispers. I drifted in and out, my body shaking, until at last all I could feel was heat—his heat, his touch still ghosting over my skin—and I surrendered to sleep once again.
Hours later, the silver moonlight flooded the floor of my room, a glow bright as the warm sun, I tossed and turned, whimpering quietly at how sensitive my feverish skin still felt under the covers. It was all meaningless, my fingers ached to slide lower, tugging at the hem of my nightgown, spreading the growing wetness of my folds all over my inner thighs.
Soft moans and whimpers merged into the night and floated all the way through the other side of the door, where Sir Christopher’s alert senses noticed the strange noises coming from inside. Worried he knocked once, twice, and at last entered the room cautiously.
“Is everything all right, Princess? I heard noises from within.” The low timbre of his voice rippled through me, steady and deep, sending a shiver down my spine as my fingers hesitated.
“I—I’m fine. Truly,” I managed, though the tremor in my words betrayed me.
He stepped closer, the dim light catching the edge of his armor as he knelt beside my bed, his brow creased in concern. “Heavens—your skin’s burning. You’re drenched in sweat again. I’ll fetch the physician.”
He began to rise, but before he could take another step, my hand found his wrist. The touch was desperate, trembling, my gaze lifting to meet his with silent plea, my eyes bright as if on the verge of tears—or perhaps desire.
“Please Christopher… I need you.” His muscles tensed under my grasp, eyes widening upon the realization of what I meant. Every piece of this forbidden puzzle falling into place right before him. He faltered for a moment, a silent battle of duty and desire being fought inside him, until I slowly kneeled in the mattress and brushed my lips against his.
His rough hands trembled, hesitantly cradling the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. He deepened the kiss, as if trying to drown any protest that might emerge from his own throat. My hand rested on the metal plates of his armor, and when we finally separated, breathless and flushed, he slowly peeled the armor away, laying his heavy burden gently to the side.
After he took off his linen shirt, I could finally see the carved muscles of his chest and the sculpted lines of his stomach, which trailed all the way down to the growing volume under the thin fabric. Wordlessly he lowered his underpants, which were already straining at the seams. His length hung heavy in the air, just like the ones in Alyna's book. My face quickly flushed, and a gasp caught in my throat.
“Is it going to…?” My voice was barely a whisper. I knew then that everything I understood was based only on a book, a concept vastly different from the reality before me.
“I’ll be gentle.” His soft touch lifted my face, making me gaze into his eyes. “If it becomes too much, just say the world.”
He positioned his body over mine and began to slowly slide himself into my wet folds. The stretching brought a sharp, intense discomfort, and my lungs seemed to empty of air as I gasped for breath. He paused to soothe me, caressing my inner thighs to open me, like a flower bulb blooming in spring. Then, he sank in again.
“It… hurts.” A small, pained moan escaped me.
“I know” He traced soft kisses all the way up from my neck to my lips. “You’re doing so well, Princess. Just a little bit more.”
I clung to his broad shoulder, feeling him completely take over me, a warmth that spread deep in my lower belly. The ache lingered, but with each thrust of his hips, each kiss planted on my neck, each suck of his mouth on my breasts, it began to dissolve. I felt his muscles tensing and releasing beneath my palm, his soft groans mixing with my moans, the way he seemed to fight his surrender yet still sink deeper into the act.
His touch burned like fire on my skin, the cool wind from outside made our sweat-covered bodies shiver. His movements grew less controlled, and I felt myself clenching tighter around him, until something broke in both of us—a powerful, heavenly release. With trembling bodies, we rode the high, wishing never to come down. Until I finally rested, breathless, with my head heavy on his chest while he drew absent patterns on my back, holding me close as if his duty had never truly left him.
“Do you ever wish,” I began slowly, “that you were not sworn to anyone? That you could just be… yourself?” He looked down, a faint smile ghosting his lips. “I think every man dreams of freedom. But vows are what make us who we are.”
“And what if those vows keep you from what your heart wants most?”
His eyes were still locked with mine, and for a heartbeat neither of us breathed. “Unfortunately,” he said softly, “a man must learn to live with his longings.”
The words struck something deep in me—a quiet, aching truth. I reached out to his face, brushing the edge of his jaw, still he leaned into my touch with a bittersweet gaze. My lips found his under the dark cloak of the night. The forbidden graze between two secret lovers, and this time he didn’t pull away.
—
The morning light crept softly through the silk curtains, spreading across my chamber walls in strokes of gold. My eyes fluttered open to the hush of birdsong and the pale warmth of dawn. For a moment I smiled, until my hand brushed against the sheets and found the cool vacant space where another body had been.
He was gone. Of course he was. A knight had his duties, dawn patrols and court summons, a world of discipline beyond the one night we had stolen. Still, the emptiness beside me ached in a quiet, foolish, almost naive way.
Yet something new lay on my bedside table, a small bundle of lavenders from the royal gardens, dew still caught in their petals. Their scent lingered in the room like a whisper, I reached toward them just as the door burst open.
Two maids entered hurriedly—one older, brisk as ever, and a younger one tripping at her heels. I gasped and clutched the fur coverlet to my bare chest.
“Princess!” the elder cried. “What are you doing under all those blankets? It’s boiling out there, you’ll melt! Are you still feeling feverish?”
“I—perhaps a little,” I stammered.
“Oh, heavens. You should have asked to see the physicians at night! Sir Christopher could have fetched them himself.” She came bustling forward, pulling at the covers. “Come, let me run a herb bath to draw out the heat.”
Before I could protest she had me half out of bed, still wrapped around the covers, steering me toward the washroom. The younger maid lingered behind, frowning at the tangled sheets. “Your Highness,” she said hesitantly, “there’s a white stain...”
“Leave it!” I called over my shoulder, but the elder only tightened her grip on my arm.
“You’re limping,” she said, voice full of concern. “This fever must have weakened you badly. I’ll summon the physician at once.”
“No!” I blurted, too quickly. “No need—I’m feeling perfectly fine.” The bathwater steamed as I slipped into it, thankful for the refuge of its clouded surface. I forced a calm smile while the elder fetched towels.
“How strange,” she mused. “I didn’t see Sir Christopher at his post this morning. He never leaves your door before you’ve broken your fast.”
“Perhaps he was called to the stables,” I mumbled shyly, keeping my eyes fixed on the rippling water.
She made a noncommittal hum and began to pour rosewater into the tub. “Let’s see that color in your cheeks.” Her gaze drifted downward, and suddenly her hands stilled. “What in the name of mercy—”
I followed her look and felt the blood drain from my face. Three small bruises bloomed like wine-colored petals against my breasts.
Before she could speak, the younger maid appeared at the doorway clutching the sheets to her chest, her expression caught between surprise and dawning understanding. The elder turned from her to me, back again, and realization slowly unfolded across her aged features.
“Please, don’t say anything.” I whispered, sinking my body in the water until it graced my chin. It was all I could manage as my mother suddenly swept into the washroom. “What is all this commotion? Why are there no sheets on her bed? Why is she in the bath?”
The elder maid recovered with the speed of a seasoned servant. “The Princess sweated through them, Your Majesty. Seems she’s broken her spring fever at last.”
Mother’s worried frown softened. “Ah, good. Still, no rides today, my dear. Rest, light reading—nothing demanding.”
“Yes, Mother,” I murmured.
She nodded, already satisfied, and left with the younger maid following close behind, sheets bundled like evidence. The door shut, leaving only the elder and me amid the rising scent of herbs and steam.
She laid a steady hand on my shoulder. “Oh, child,” she said softly, a trace of fondness hiding in her voice. “Time moves quicker than any of us reckon. I turned my back for a season and you’ve gone and become a young woman.”
Her touch lingered a moment longer, then she turned to fetch clean linens. I laid my head on the border of the tub, staring at the bouquet on the nightstand through the open door. The lavenders caught the morning sun, their lilac color glowing like a secret too beautiful—and too dangerous—to speak aloud.